Is it cheating??
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You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
So, me and my gf often hang out with her sister and bf since we live close to each other. We've known each other for almost a decade by now.
Last night, the sister came over to hang out with us and at some point my gf fell asleep. I kept hanging out with the sister and we just ended up talking to each other and reminiscing about our past almost all night into the morning hours.
My gf wakes up 6 hours later to find us both still awake and got furious that we were up all night talking. The sister ended up leaving after that, while I had to fight/explain what the fuck I was doing until she kind of accused me of emotionally cheating.
So, is it cheating??
Nope.
>emotionally cheating
kek
>>16958681
dont bullshit me now and dont bullshit yourself either
what were you thinking about during the conversation? did you reach the conclusion that in a perfect world it would be you and her sister together instead?
>>16958681
Haha, emotional cheating is the biggest bullshit ever and that's close to insta-breakup territory for me. You can't govern who I fucking talk to. And unless we're swapping bodily fluids, I ain't cheating.
>>16958695
doesn't fucking matter what he was thinking. we have to judge people on their actions not their thoughts.
its people like you that will be wanting the government to put chips in our fucking brains someday
>>16958705
I don't give a fuck if he was thinking that he wanted to bang the shit out of her the whole time, I'm just not sure two people can engage in a conversation during the night and until morning without developing a much stronger connection and between a man and a woman this makes it easier for romantic feelings to begin so I thought I might just ask OP how he felt about it not for any other purpose than to help him engage in a little introspection and see if maybe he did feel differently about her.
>>16958705
>>16958695
It's not cheating, but let's face the fact that it's pretty fucked up to have some emotional bonding all-nighter with your girlfriend's sister.
It's intimacy. Not sexual intimacy, of course not. But still, if it were me, I'd be like What The Fuck.
I take objection to the idea that cheating is so absolutely horrible. People take such satisfaction out of cheaters "getting what's coming to them;" we see videos on Youtube with thousands of likes that show victims of cheating like trashing their exes house etc. It's understood to be one of the grossest transgressions and I can't figure out why.
I don't have difficulty understanding why and how it effects people, especially in the case of long term affairs that take a great deal of effort and deception to maintain. But spontaneous encounters and especially encounters far removed from one's partner where the possibility of then finding out is 0, these don't make much sense to me. I think that the formation or the discovery of a mutual attraction is a powerful force that takes a lot of willpower to resist, more than the average human possesses ( and those that do possess it should be commended).
It almost seems to me like a real thing, it drives people together and the actual act itself has so little to do with their absent partner. Two cheating people are engrossed in one another and I really believe that it's so rare to find someone cheating BECAUSE of an unsatisfying (emotionally or sexually) partner and almost always DESPITE them. This has its own problems attatched to it yes but I feel like the reaction to cheating is always taken so personally and never in the context of the moment.
>>16958719
>>16958721
>"wahh my man is having intellectually stimulating conversations"
fuck off.
just because two people fuck each other regularly doesn't mean they can't find intimate connections with other human beings...
a person that truly loves you would be fucking happy you found someone to relate with on that level... ffs you all are children
>>16958721
What's wrong with "intimacy?" Have you never done the same thing all night with a friend? This kind of shit is how you actually bond with people, get to know them, understand that they're more than a name and a face and a loose association with something you do.
>>16958737
m8 take it easy no one is saying that what OP did is wrong it's just pretty obvious why his gf might be concerned
>>16958681
>>16958695
answer this question op
>>16958738
theres this irrational thought that if two people of the opposite sex share intimate details about each other, it means they wanna fuck.
its total bullshit and propagated by neanderthal women that think everyone on planet earth thinks they are hot and the only reason guys talk to them is for sex
>>16958681
If you and the sister like each other and you're with each other for the purpose of fulfillment outside of your relationship with your GF, then yes.
But if you two are just chilling and talking about your pasts, then that's all it is.
I've been with a woman who assumed every woman I talked to more than an hour was someone I was attracted to and was going to cheat on her with. It's awful. Don't do that to yourself if this is a pattern.
>>16958752
>>16958749
>>16958721
>>16958705
>>16958695
OP here.
Well, the situation is kind of complicated really. I mean we have known each other for almost a decade. I will admit that I’ve developed some feelings for the sister before in the past. But over the past year, I’ve gotten over those feelings and I’m in a happy relationship now with my gf. I’ve never had any intention of doing anything physically last night and we just ended up talking about the our past.
The sister often likes to reminisce about the past and get down about how fast time is flying and that she may be unhappy.
I was just there for moral support and try not to be a downer and cheer her up.
>>16958751
No it's just that between two men (usually) there is no natural sexual inclination.
Men and women are supposed to want to fuck each other, of course intimacy does not immediately imply that a romantic relationship or romantic feelings will develop but it's going to be the first step along the road to one if there is going to be one.
No one is denying what you say but to pretend that OPs girlfriend is wrong to be weirded out is silly, I don't agree with the emotional cheating nonsense but still.
>>16958766
Then you have nothing to feel guilty about.
>I will admit that I’ve developed some feelings for the sister before in the past
What events led up to these feelings?
>>16958752
>If you and the sister like each other and you're with each other for the purpose of fulfillment outside of your relationship with your GF, then yes.
This is ridiculous. You can't expect your significant other to fulfill EVERYTHING in your life. This expectation is why so many relationships fail.
A healthy relationship is one where two adults that love each other have the maturity to step back and say "Hey, maybe you're better off talking to [person] about that... he/she can relate with you better about that."
>>16958770
>"weirded out"
he said she accused him of cheating
>>16958782
yah and I said I disagreed with that
>>16958773
I guess at the time I wasn't too happy in my relationship. I've come to notice that the sister was bit more attentive towards me. We end up kind of flirting sometimes. Also realizing that the sister and I have a bit too much in common.
>>16958737
>>16958738
>>16958778
>implying these same anons wouldn't be calling OP a cuck if it was his gf staying up all night with his brother
>>16958773
Not OP but I had a crush on someone outside of my marriage for a while. Over time the crush faded and there's absolutely no chance of me cheating with that person. I imagine OP's in a similar situation.
OP, it comes down to trust. You weren't cheating, you were just talking. If your gf doesn't trust you about that, that's a big problem. My suggestion is to not get riled up or defensive. Keep being honest, stand your ground. You never did anything and you have nothing to be ashamed of. Ask her why she doesn't trust you about this.
Trust issues are a big problem in a relationship. if she can work through it, your relationship will be all the stronger for it. But if she doesn't believe you then this could very well sabotage it.
You could also tell her to call the sister and ask what happened from the sister's own mouth.
You have nothing to hide here, so don't be afraid. If she can't see that, that's not your fault.
>>16958766
So you stayed up all night talking to someone you used to have feelings for, and you talked about the past, she talked about currently being unhappy.
Sounds pretty similar to talking to an ex. Gf wasn't okay with it because she doesn't want to be a cuck.
>>16958788
So after establishing an intimate connection through conversation and getting to really know one another, you then developed feelings for her.
Once again I'm not saying you were wrong to do what you did last night, it certainly was not cheating but I'd empathize with your gf a little if I was you.
I can't even read it. Have you seen the bible? Jesus was really good.
>>16958770
human interaction is always going to be the first step towards having sex, but you can't judge people based upon your opinion of what their intentions were... at least not rationally.
And excusing this behavior is what I believe to be morally reprehensible.
>>16958681
There may be some sort of sensitivity between your gf and her sister that you're unaware of. My brother used to freak out when his friends would talk to me because I think he felt like I was "stealing" them. I'm considerably more outgoing than he is, and there were times when people who met him first ended up being more my friends than his.
It's not really as much of an issue now, but I'm careful about my interactions with his wife because I don't need him to get any crazy ideas.
So I guess what I'm trying to say is, OP, try to cut your girlfriend some slack on this, because you don't know what the background on this is.
As far as emotional infidelity, it's a real thing. If you care about your relationship you'll try to be self-aware enough to realize when your relationship with another person is detracting from your dedication to your partner.
In OP's case, if it fucked up plans with the gf for the next day because OP was too tired, yeah that's kind of a problem. Otherwise I don't see that it's a problem if the sister is just a friend. So I wouldn't consider this cheating. Honesty with one's self is necessary here though.
>>16958789
>implying I would ever want to be with a girl that wasn't loyal enough to trust doing that anyway
>>16958792
OP here.
Yeah, that's sort of the situation. My crush on the sister has faded and I don't think I would ever do anything with her.
But since we hang out a lot. My gf has gotten suspicious about our flirting in the past and has brought up that she doesn't like it.
But yeah, it doesn't help that my gf is the jealous type.
>>16958789
Nah, I hate the cuckfags. I would feel the same way if this were his brother and gf.
>>16958802
Yes but certain forms of human interaction lead more directly to romantic feeling and having sex and I would argue that staying up all night in intimate conversation is one of those forms.
>>16958819
logical fallacy of false attribution
your claim that late night conversation can lead to sex is ignorant of the fact that for intercourse to occur, physical contact must be made.
thats if to say that a baseball bat cracked Johnny's skull... not the person beating him with it.
I think men would be a little worried if their gf's were up ALLL NIGHT talking and talking with their friend or bro, but something about op's story sounds fishy.
>>16958828
You can apply logical fallacies onto human behavior all you want and it will do fuck all
>>16958829
not all men, and not all women. there are other people... they are out there in the world, and they are reasonable. They sometimes find each other, and can trust each other with simple exchanges we like to call "basic human interaction" or "conversation"
>>16958835
you can find complacency in thinking this way... I get it. but to me that is the easy way out... its sad and lazy to settle with that mentality
if you find yourself having a lot of trouble finding the right one, don't say I never told you why
>>16958828
That's the issue here though.
While no physical contact had happened last night, the situation may have seemed kind of weird to my gf.
We were sitting in the living room, while she was in the bedroom sleeping.
She comes out and finds the sister laying on the couch and I'm on another seat next to the couch talking to her directly.
No TV for distraction or any alcohol involved.
>>16958737
>a person that truly loves you would be fucking happy you found someone to relate with on that level...
THE PERSON who you truly love should be the one you can relate on that level.
That's what lasting relationships are about dipshit. I hate how adv is only an opinion board instead of advice because people who are not in position to give actual advice keep fucking posting all the time.
Get a wife be happily married for 10+ years first and THEN give your fucking relationship advice dipshit.
>>16959002 the same goes to you: >>16958778
>>16958766 and here's your advice OP
>>16959002
>Being married means you can't relate to anyone but them
>>16958814
>But yeah, it doesn't help that my gf is the jealous type.
Are you fucking kidding me?!? You wanna fuck the sister and your girlfriend is the jealous type?
OMFG. You should break up because I don't even need to know your full story to KNOW your relationship is shit and only about accepting (and not loving) each other for the sake of not being lonely.
Your girlfriend may really be in love with you though because she feels there's something wrong and IS jealous because of that. Because she loves you.
>>16959026
It doesn't. But being happily married means even if you can relate with others you won't be interested to. Because that means to be content. You won't want to because you'll be perfectly happy with your wife or husband.
It's so hilarious that I have to explain such basic and common logic things....
>>16959051
>Because that means to be content
That means your partner's a shit. And don't act like because people aren't married for 10 years they can't add input. We're not blind and have seen successful and failed marriages & relationships.
Life doesn't HAVE TO shut down because you have a partner. And relationships fail when you try to do that. Yours hasn't, but it's the exception to the rule and built on jealousy.
Have another gif.
Do you have feelings for your girlfriend's sister? If not, your girlfriend is retarded and you did nothing wrong.
No.
Pro-tip, if you want your partner to show renewed interest in her, get her jealous, show some slight interest in her sister. She'll try even harder to make sure you have no reason to even consider cheating on her.
If she's still annoyed about it, and you are having sex, use it as a line just before you are about to start. Accuse her of being jealous, plead that you have absolutely no intention to do anything with her at all... but, don't let that stop you from proving that I should take this course of action.
Emotional cheating in nonsense... but I can understand a certain paranoid about it a lot more if a girl, after just waking up freaks shit at someone closely biologically related to her talking to you. Its rationalizable more so than, having female friends.
>>16959069
It has nothing to do about shutting down life. Of course for you it feels like that because you still feel the urge to relate with other people. Well if you don't want to take my advice you really don't have to. I couldn't care less.
But what I said is matter of fact.
>>16959142
>Pro-tip, if you want your partner to show renewed interest in her, get her jealous, show some slight interest in her sister.
This is fucking manipulative retarded shit. It only shows how much of a shit person and autist you are (not able to handle an honest relationship over communication)
No,what she going to do ban you from talking to any women beside her? This is women's logic right here let me tell you.
>>16959182
It's not a matter of fact and I want to kick you in the fucking dick. Not all relationships are like yours, you narrow minded shit.
I'm triggered.
You put yourself in an inappropriate situation. Imagine the reverse you went to bed and she stayed up all night with her sisters boyfriend. No you DID NOT CHEAT but that doesn't mean you didn't fuck up. It's great that you got along with her sister but you gotta be careful with crossing the line. Mostly just put yourself in her shoes.
I'm sure it will blow over just be careful not to give the sister any kind of special attention. And avoid being alone for a bit so she can get over it.
>>16959199
>I want to kick you in the fucking dick.
No dick available. But I guarantee you my husband is the same when it comes to relationships.
>I'm triggered
Lol. If you're right and I'm wrong why so?
>>16959188
>Manipulative
>Autist
Pick one.
Hate the game, don't hate the players.
>>16959225
>Pick one.
Nope. Autist trying to find ways to have what he wants without just talking about it. Hence manipulating.
>>16959222
Because you remind me of this stubborn guy I know that's been married about as long as you and does exactly what you're doing. He insists his way is the ONLY WAY and refuses to accept any other style of marriage or a relationship as viably functional and happy. He talks exactly like you do, even down to the "and that's a fact" line. So much so that if this were any website besides 4chan, I'd have thought you were him.
He's another one of those "men and women can't be friends" and "once you get married you are not allowed friends" people. The thing is, he's MISERABLE. He never has a shred of positivity to say, and always tries to pull this "you'll understand when you're older" shit even though he's only 36 and I'm 29.
It's so frustrating, especially on advice forum where people buy into this shit, when I see much happier, open couples all the time, who trust their partners and their partners trust them. Shocker, when it comes to intimate feelings, too.
>>16959227
Which in turn requires the ability to understand, and then manipulate someones emotions in order to try and get what you want in this regard. I've never met an autistic person who'd be capable of this level of manipulation, and rather would just rather become a bother or a problem to get what they want.
Anyway, my opinion on many things is that everyone constantly endeavors to manipulate those around them by their actions, either consciously or unconsciously and that this is ingrained in all animals with any amount of intelligence.
Its only immoral if you then use manipulation to do something immoral, like gassing the Jews, or getting a woman to consent treat her like trash then leave. Manipulating little emotions in your partner, and them returning the favor is precisely what makes people put in the effort and invest in the other person.
>>16959231
>The thing is, he's MISERABLE.
Well I'm sorry for your buddy but we aren't miserable. My husband is not the extrovert type so he gererally doesn't talk much but he is happy and it shows and we have few but very good friends. And we have 3 kids which he is affectionate all the time even though he can't show emotions very well to others. And we had secretly awesome sex in the bathroom just now, I kid you not.
Also is your buddy really miserable or is he miserable by your standards (which means he's happy but if you were him you'd be miserable)?!?
As for age Im 30 and my husband is 33. We don't talk like that (so jaded) in real life I'm only giving valid advice and it's OK if people buy this, you don't need to rage about it.
>>16959258
Or you could just be open about your feelings and if both of you were intelligent enough, you'd see that cuddling and having skin to skin contact, having daily conversation about the smallest stuff thats going on in both your lives, and having dates and together times where your share your hobbies improves the relationship a million times more than manipulating and building relationships on lies.
>>16959231
Oh and I like your gifs btw. Keep em coming.
>>16958681
>emotionally cheating
You stare-fucking, argument-raping motherfucker.
NO. Unless you talked about fucking each other's brains out.
an old guy that i worked with told a story about how he met his wife
he asked a girl out on a date, she said yes
when he knocked on her door, her sister answered
it was love at first sight
they went ahead with their date, but he couldn't stop thinking about her little sister.
it was just a date, then he dropped her off
a few days later he knocked and asked the little sister out, she said yes
and they were married for 50 years
the sister wasn't jealous
she thought he was too immature for her
and better off with the younger sister
>>16958681
Not emotionally cheating, but she is probably jealous that you spent all night talking about your life to her sister.
I've been dating my best friend's sister for 6 years,
I talk to my best friend as much as I talk to my gf
I've known my best friend since elementary school, but didn't get to know her sister until high school. We never fight, and we all talk about anything without anyone getting jealous.
Many times i've gone out with my best friend or stayed up talking all night.
They've been sisters their whole life, they trust each other. If we broke up, i'd probably lose my best friend too. I better not screw this up.
Need some help here gulls.
>be me
>dating a girl online for 8 months
>4 months ago she took the train to visit me and we met for the first time, it was good
>plan to meet again in a couple months
>reviece a tipoff from a friend that a girl i vaguely know (lets call her E) has been interested in me for just under a year
>something happened that means gf and i won't be able to meet again, or at least for a long time
>loosing hope with gf, starting to think that online relationships aren't real relationships
>reluctant to break it off with gf so devise plan to get to know E better and see how things go
>if things fail with E i plan to fall back onto my gf
Is this cheating? What should I do? I have a strong bond with my girlfriend but online relationships are shit, I'd rather spend my time on someone I can actually see in real life.
>>16959788
> Is conspiring to leave my girlfriend for another girl cheating?
Yes, and you're a dick who doesn't deserve to be with either of them.
>>16958681
No, that's fucking stupid
>>16959788
Think it through like this.
Pretend that there's a rule where you only get one girlfriend for life.
Dating is where you meet girls and get to know them, and decide if you like them or not and who you like better.
You can date a hundred girls before making a choice of who you want to spend the rest of your life with.
You dated 1 and now there is E who wants to check you out from the library.
If 1 thinks you already chose her for the rest of your life, then yes it would be cheating to get serious with E. But not cheating to talk to E one time and get to know her better, before breaking up with 1. You definitely need to tell E about 1. E won't be threatened by an LDR.
"I'm seeing someone online" is actually hilarious. and saying that you need to break up with them before you get involved with someone else, would be charming.
If things go well with E, then you make a decision.
This has got to be a troll thread lmao. I wouldn't have a problem with my girl talking to my friends, and there shouldn't be one vice versa. Why get into a relationship with someone you don't trust in the first place?
Then again, my ex broke up with me for "Not caring enough" because I didn't react to her attempts to make me jealous by hanging out with my friends, etc. So maybe I'm the odd one out.
>>16958681
all of you here who says this isn't a big deal has probably never connected with a single girl in their lives. keep in mind connecting with someone is different from having a conversation with them.
every single girl i've ever emotionally connected with has ended up wanting to fuck me.
it's nature and OP you clearly want to bang her sister don't deny it just do it if you're going to be a cunt or limit contact with her if you really care about your girlfriend.
>>16959947
I connect with women all the time. My best friend is a chick. I've been in my fair share of LTRs. Not once have I tried to rationalise infantile displays of jealousy.
dump the crazy bitch OP
if she's jealous of her own sister
i can't even imagine
she'd set your house on fire
if girl scouts sold you cookies
>>16958681
Are they real sisters? That sounds like half sisters from 10 different dads, and a dyke feminist mom raised them.
>>16959961
that's a nice poem anon
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1rcqwRgVvvw
>>16959951
don't take this the wrong way but are you below-average aesthetically?
also, long well-established friendships are different, there was almost definitely a period where either of you were into the other. if not, one of you is significantly less attractive.
>gf and I both 9.5/10
>at a big event
>all eyes on us
>males females gays lesbians, all drool
>gf looks jealous or insecure
>kiss her in front of 300 people
>big dramatic kiss
>crowd cheers
>gf cried
>never jealous again
she needs to overcome her insecurity
you can help her do that
but don't let her play games
don't put up with her accusing you
>>16958681
Talking to another girl for a while is absolutely in no way cheating, "Emotionally cheating" is a nonsense term that I suspect your girlfriend made up on the spot, and you girlfriend sounds like a jealous psychopath. Call her on this bullshit, and do not back down.
>>16960119
/thread
>>16960119
There's a difference between "talking for awhile", and "staying up all night talking while your girlfriend sleeps in the next room".
>>16960126
the only emotional cheating going on was her dreaming about Brad Pitt.
>>16960126
It.
Is.
Her.
Sister.
You clingy overly-jealous maniac.
I can tell you are a girl, and i can only feel sorry for whatever poor sap ends up in a relationship with you
No. It's not cheating in any way.
You're allowed to have friends, talk to people other than your gf, etc. Like the others said, as long as it isn't super sexual towards each other or anything like that which you said it was not.
People should be allowed to emotionally connect with people. Hell my best guy friend and I used to stay up all night and walk around until sunlight talking. It's just a matter of trust from your significant others side.
The one thing you did do wrong was flirt with her in the past. That's probably the reason that your gf is so upset about the whole situation. If you hinted towards attraction in the past, she's going to think it is still there. Talk it out with her.
Emotional cheating is a real thing, but you did not do it.
Also,>>16959947
just because you are attracted to someone doesn't mean that you have to act on it. It comes down to a matter of how much you care for your significant other. Humans are naturally attracted to other people. It's not a bad thing. Just have the willpower to resist and know it's wrong.
If my boyfriend was interested in me enough to stay up all night asking my family about me i'd have a heart attack.
Rub your cock in her face so she can see that it doesn't smell like her sister's pussy, and then slap her with it a few times to teacher her a lesson.
she owes you some sincere apologies
when she begs you to take her back
get some anal out of the deal
>>16960160
>just because you are attracted to someone doesn't mean that you have to act on it.
you don't sound like you have any experience with how lust works. you don't choose to not fuck somebody brains out while putting yourself in the situation where shit like that happens. you choose to not put yourself in the situation in the first place.
if you really cared for your significant other you wouldn't be hanging out 6 hours with someone you "used to want to bang".
if you want to stay in contact with all the friends/ex's you sort of want to bang then have an open relationship, don't be a pseudo-monogamist.
>is it cheating
No
>is it emotionally cheating
Not even close
Your girlfriend is overreacting because you talked with her sister all night while she slept. Even if she is her sister, it's still another woman so she feels threatened. It's dumb.
Shes has little sister syndrome, and you gave her older sister attention.
>>16960250
>you choose to not put yourself in the situation in the first place.
just how fat and ugly are you? you've never even witness real human interaction have you?
errmaahgheeerd something could happen out there never leave the house.
this situation is unavoidable. there are other women in the world. at the grocery store, the bank, at work.
all hotbeds of emotional cheating
>you were looking at little debbies tits
damn right i was, i checked out her ingredient list too
he did nothing wrong
she has issues, and so do you
>>16960316
yeahhh you sound like someone who's had sex with one person, you clearly have no life experience with infidelity and how it works.
you're free to keep on pretending you have any idea what you're talking about though.
>emotionally cheating
kek
