>>16954148
What did you do?

>>16954158
I don't want to explicitly say what I did, but I had a porn addiction and I would say I've been addicted to porn since I was a small child, and when I was a teen it ventured into other explicit porn that is normally looked down upon. I literally was never really into it, I just looked at it for the sake of lookin at it and I just didn't care because it was the Internet and I felt I was doing nothing wrong. But when I got older I felt different and I was more disgusted at myself

>>16954186
Is it illegal? I mean I dont see how it can affect you now.. if its just a moral thing then stop being a moralfag you already moved on just stop wasting your time feeling bad for being a horny teen.

>>16954203
Several things were yes, it's just what bothers me is is that I don't want to look back on my life and think about this anymore and it's been on me for months thinking about it. I was in a depressed and reckless angry state and I felt I could have had a clean slate with myself but I fucked it up by not thinking, I thought I was smart enough

Been there, done that, burned the motherducking T-shirt. Congratulations on coming to your senses, OP, but I am still sorry to hear that you're hurting. These are not good times.

I got out of the hole, eventually, but that's not a story you want to hear. It took me 20 years of making every mistake in the book as I stumbled around blindly trying to figure out how to reinvent myself as the kind of person who could never make my mistake again. So instead, I'm going to give you pointers based on the things I probably should have done, or not done.

1) DO NOT try to reinvent yourself all by yourself. At the absolute least, get a therapist. Feedback is critical. Without it, you are liable to forget something important -I forgot a fucking work ethic, of you can believe it- and it's almost as hard to retrofit these onto a solid-but-reinvented persona as it would be to teach them to someone who never learned them growing up.

2) Submit yourself to the judgment of others. It is natural to shrink back in fear, especially from people whose opinons matter to you. But that will wreck your relationships way worse than what you did ever could. If you have to, draw up a regular schedule of phone calls to make, and do not miss those calls for ANYTHING.

3) Make amends to your victim as best you can. This doesn't necessarily mean apologizing: that helps in some cases, but in others it actually makes things worse. Sometimes all you can do is agree to leave them alone.

If it isn't possible to make amends to the person directly, then make amends to their memory by helping people in similar situations to what you caused.

4) Move, or change jobs, or at least make sone major change to your physical appearance. When nothing can ever be as it was and your only choices are to adapt or die, you WILL adapt, and while you are in the middle of that process, it becomes easier to sneak in smaller changes.

I'm sorry. These are tough. Such is atonement.

Seems like anxiety issues (overthinking, obsessivenes) Just sort it out in your head. Question and answer.
Did you do something wrong (participate) yourself? No
Did you know at that time it´s too wrong (illegal) and were enjoying at the time? Probably not
Are you going to do anything like that again? Again, probably not
Are you able to be functioning without it? Probably yes
Then think about what person you are OTHER than this (what you do, are you a good person, do you inspire people blablabla).. and once you arrive at a point you feel ok, REMEMBER IT so the process would be faster next time... and again again again.. until you can force yourself to stop thinking about it just when you are starting to.

>>16954223
Oh.. well can it be traced back to you? If not then just try to think that you cant live happily if you continue to beat yourself up over this, you need to forgive yourself and understand that you can sometimes think with your dick, if it pops up in your head say that youre different now and prevent further thoughts by saying its a waste of time. Even if it can be trwced you can still apply these, if theres any way to prevent or get rid of something think about it one last time and if theres nothing then just give those thoughts up.

>>16954148
Also have you considered happy pills? Go to a therapist and just talk about these things you are feeling but maybe change the original issue since I think they are obligated to tell the polis. Theyll probably give you stuff for it and since you only lied about whats causing these it shouldnt hurt and maybe it will help.

smells like incest in here