Start pissing all over your house to establish your dominance.

>>16951621
Don't stay in abusive relationships.

Get out now and take some time off and relax. You shouldn't dive into a new relationship until you are ready

>>16951635
I'm so broken because of this relationship. I don't know how to get better. I have marks on my body and have to act like they're accidental when I go to work and home. I love him. I know it sounds strange. I'm stuck.

It doesn't really matter if other people love you after this. (But they will). What matters is that YOU love YOURSELF after this. You are strong. You can do it. Leave this person. Make a new life and enjoy it. I'm rooting for you!

>>16951635
And he realizes when he does wrong, but nothing has changed. Like it doesn't stop him from doing it our next big fight. Then afterwards he want to touch me nicely and lovingly. I can't help my body from going into an anxiety attack when he touches me afterwards.

>>16951650
I try to :( but am told how I'm all these terrible things.

>>16951656
Look, you know he's abusive. You know you shouldn't believe the things he says. I know it's hard not to when you just keep hearing them over and over. But you have to realize that you are strong. And you can walk away.

>>16951669
But why does he feel sorry afterwards. He says he loves me.

>>16951707
He doesn't. He just wants to pin you down.
It'll never get better. You'll just waste your life as long as you stay. It's pointless.
You're not some helpless little thing. You're an adult. You don't need to put up with this.
He'll apologize, he'll make threats, he'll say lies and slander, he'll try to hurt and shame you. But you must not heed him, because you'll just get sucked back into the same shitty situation as before.

>>16951707
>But why does he feel sorry afterwards. He says he loves me.

Because that's what abusive people say to get people to keep putting up with their bullshit.

Spoiler: don't believe his lies. Abusive people don't change if you put up with their bullshit, they just get worse. You need to drop him like a hot potato and cut contact.

OP, I was in an abusive relationship for 5 years. Financially, physically, sexually, emotionally abusive.

No matter how "fucked up" this person has made you, many people will still love you, romantically and platonically.

OP, I am really messed up still from what happened to me. I see abusive behavior everywhere. I go into flashbacks if someone comes up behind me too fast, throws something at me playfully, strokes my neck, or yells too loud, that border on psychosis. I cross the street when I see people who look like my ex, I cry very frequently, it's taken me two years to get back to kinky sexual activity that used to be routine because lots of playful "dominant" behavior or light pain during sex triggers unavoidable panic in me. I allegedly regress to acting like a tearful 5-year-old for hours at a time. I still have a pretty great partner and friends who will chill with me and be patient with me despite all of this.

My best friend and my partner will gracefully and comfortably spend time with me no matter how I'm acting (provided I'm not hurting them, obviously). I'm curled up in a ball muttering and can't be touched? My partner sits across the room and reads to me. I'm behaving like a little kid? My best friend will color with me and inform me later what happened.

When shit gets too much--tonight, tomorrow, next year--and you decide to leave, as I hope you do, you have the opportunity to have a good life and your horizons will expand. You can't really heal from this shit while it's happening to you; you'll be putting band-aids on the wounds while more are occurring. And even if you're forever marred, as I often believe I am, you can still have fun and you can still have people.

>>16952555
Wow.. that's how I am.. he says I'm pathetic.. a joke, a coward and ridiculous. He's made me hysterical and then this is his reaction. Which escalates to more abuse.

>>16952555
I'm so happy you have people for you ..
I'm alone :(

Abuse only gets worse if it's not nipped in the bud. Don't let him make you feel worthless. Easier said than done, I know, but it gives him power over you.

You're best off leaving. You may think you love him, but I bet that if you were away from him for a long time and thought back to everything he did to you, you'd find that you didn't actually love him.

Being alone is better than being with someone that willfully hurts you. Don't let fear hold you down.

>>16952715
Can he get help??

>I need someone to talk to.
here we are
>In an abusive relationship.
get outa there
>Feel like no one will love me after this because of how fucked up he's made me.
what you're feeling is not what is actually true, a person worth being with, as friends or romantically, will accept and try to understand you.
>Can't do it anymore.
then get outa there, being single is not being alone.

>>16951707
he can say all he wants, that doesn't mean you should stay to suffer further. there are people who love you and also treat you as such!

>>16952764
maybe, but he won't if you stick in there and accept his appologies just to perpetuate the cycle.

>>16952555
Could you go a little more into how he was abusive?

How long ago was this relationship?

>>16951621
Every woman in an abusive relationship deserves every ounce of abuse dished out because they could simply leave. They're choosing to be abused. Stop complaining to me about making that choice.

>>16952802
I can't because he uses this site. If he sees , he will know this is about me. Without details, I could be anyone.

>>16952802
And I am still in it .

>>16952825
Nice b8

>>16951621

>It is the man's fault I'm fucked up

Verified as female

>>16952919
I'm walking around work sore as hell because of everything he did to me..

>>16952709
Yeah, but the thing is, I DIDN'T have people for me when I was in that.

Feeling disgusting for covering up for someone like that, plus him intentionally separating me from my friends, plus depressed/anxious beyond what I could handle, all just distanced me from people. I didn't talk to any of my friends but one for over a year in the last, worst year of that relationship, and it took me nearly as long after I left to feel like talking to anyone and trusting anyone again.

I'm not special or anything. Being in an abusive relationship tears you away from everyone but your abuser, whether they intend to do so or not.

I've been in relationships where things got bad. Not really physical, but controlling and threatening and very terrifying.

You deserve a relationship where someone is going to be respect you. It's the best feeling there is.

There's something in your boyfriend that is seriously fucked up and damaged, and you're free of any responsibility to help him with it when he starts abusing you. The only way he's going to change and become a better person is if you leave, and he has to adjust to a world where he doesn't have a human punching bag to take out his emotions on.

If you love him and want him to get better, you gotta go.

>>16952942

You are allowing it to happen by staying. You are both equally at fault. Him for doing it and you for taking it, and then letting it go because "He was sorry! He's so nice and kind afterwards!" You don't have the right to play the victim if the exit is there, but you are so scared about what's on the other side that you'd rather be treated like shit. You have no fucking right at all.

You need to shut the fuck up about being alone and just bail. Do you honestly believe it's better to be abused than to be alone?

As someone who also got out of a shit relationship, it took me EIGHT fucking years to finally get it through my fucking skull that things aren't going to get better, and I let this happen to myself by staying and thinking "things will get better, they will improve, they are sorry, they will see that they've done so much wrong and everything will be how it was like before." I finally got the courage to leave after realizing that the damage I was sustaining to my mental and emotional well being was just going to make it even more difficult for me to get my life back if I were to stay any longer and just give up.

You know what the most liberating feeling is? Waking up in the morning and not having to worry about what abuse is coming that day. I wake up and look to my side and there's no one there. I used to fucking WISH for that feeling when I was in that abusive relationship. I used to wish they would be gone in the morning so I could just lay there in peace. And now it's come true.

>>16951621
The real crime of abusers is not the physical or verbal violence, but the way they play on their victim's insecurity to make her think she deserves no better.

He's lying to you. You DO deserve better. And anyone you turn to will support you.

Don't be afraid that others will see you as he does and as he has tricked you into seeing yourself. They won't. They will see you as someone in need of help and will help you.

>>16953089
Every step I've made today has been full of pain. Him and I aren't talking , so he has no idea what I'm going through. He said sorry and everything and acts like he somewhat cares, but I don't know anymore. I've done everything for him.

>roastie gets showered with sympathy, because of made up story
>male would be told to man the fuck up
Also, you deserve it.

>>16953086
You obviously don't know how it works. A lot of times the people on the receiving end of the abuse don't even try to justify their partners' actions. They know what's happening to them is wrong, but they are afraid.

Fear is a very powerful emotion/feeling that manipulative abusers are able to instill in their victims. They pick vulnerable seemingly weaker people that they first isolate from their life (family, friends, etc) by slowly making them believe that none of these people care about them and by becoming steadily possessive of their time and hobbies. This makes the victim believe that they must depend on their abuser and that their abuser is the only who cares about them.

A lot more goes into it and eventually the victim partially believes that the abuse they are receiving is somehow deserved. But obviously any mentally healthy person can see that it's not.

>>16951630
Love it

OP we're here for you, and we always will be.

BUT TALK TO SOMEONE IN REAL LIFE.

If you're at work, or tomorrow, walk up to your boss and tell them. Or your human resources person. Or the nice old lady who always go around with charity collections.

Or a counselor. Or a cop. Or call a women's shelter. Or maybe someone in your neighborhood. Whoever has been nice and supportive in the past.

What about family? He isolated you but they would run to you if you just told them.

You'd be surprised who cares. I mean this whole board cares, and we haven't even met you. But we have. Because people in general care and want to help. You have a lot of options. You'd be surprised.

You're alone and so he has you. Just tell one person, one person who can help you, and you'll finally change your life for the better.

I know someone who was in your position. They told their boss. Not only did their boss help them get a job in another city, they took them in for a few nights and bought them the plane ticket.

Please OP, everyone around you wants to help you. You just need to ask.

Do this before he kills you OP.

Because he will. Someday he'll go too far. Then you're gone forever. He can't undo that with an apology.

>>16952854
Does it matter? If you're no longer in the relationship and have different people in your life he can't get to you

>>16953086
>just get out of it, it's your fucking fault too
literally I Don't Understand How Abusive Relationships Work: the post