So? Kill yourself if nothing has value to you.

>>16923902

>I dont see why should i even try to improve myself.

for yourself.

>everythign seems pointless

the universe is pointless. life presents choice. choice is the only thing that can give our lives meaning, if we choose to let it.

>why should i make efforts to pursue long term happiness

you are a being with emotions. happy makes you feel good. its literally what happy is. to not pursue happiness means you are allowing yourself to feel at best 'bland', but generally sad.

being happy is a reason to pursue happiness. why would you pursue sadness?

>im an alocholic and an internet addict
>as such i have tried literally everything this world has to offer and have come to the conclusion that only these two satisfy me

just make sure you see the sun for 10-30min every day, make sure you work out to the point of feeling sore bc of it 2-4/wk, limit fapping to 1/day max.

if you are doing all those things and you feel like everything is pointless. its because it is. hopefully you'll meet some other people or find something online that temporarily distracts you and bc you've done those things you'll be a decent enough person to enjoy it/them/her

oh also make sure you go cold turkey on the drinking for at least 7 days every quarter, you need to track that and if going 7 days is really hard and stressful or even worse you fail at doing it you need to force yourself to do 10-14 days. You don't want to become a full blown alcoholic for real, for now i'm assuming you aren't bc you sound like some young fag just wanting to make things sound bleak, not believing your no-edge claim for a min son

>>16923925
Yeah but happy also means drinking and browsing etc. I know it's just instant gratification but if I prolong it enough it still feels like happiness to me even though it isn't real and peppered with self-hate and guilt.
It's almost like I want to feel sad because I think everything is pointless and what's the point of TRYING to change and work towards genuine happiness?

>>16923960

>i dont see the point in trying to be happy

this is what your argument is boiling down to. what is the point in being happy? being happy is the point in being happy

>BUT WORK IS HARD

so is life long 'IM SO DEPRESSED WOE IS ME'.

either wallow in your sadness without whining, or go be happy.

trust me, the happy sides more fun. i did the wallowing things for years.

>>16923936
>work out to the point of feeling sore bc of it 2-4/wk, limit fapping to 1/day max.
>meet people
>quit drinking

Yeah, I know I should do all that. What I'm saying is why should I? I think it's mostly pointless. Why continue to do those things in pursuit of happiness when happiness is worthless to me? I don't just think it is, I feel it is. I don't feel I'm worthless per se, just that living itself is worthless for me. And I don't know how to solve that.

Find a life goal or something you love. I've been pretty depressed and I know exactly how you feel anon. I just think "what's the point". Trying to improve myself has been one of the most uplifting things for me though.

>>16923979

>yeah, i know those things could make me happy
>but why would i want to be happy
>being happy is pointless
>being happy is worthless to me

then kill yourself? cuz there is no point in living if you dont want to be happy. but you know you are wrong, cuz being happy makes you happy. you are suggesting a paradox

>>16923979

maybe step1 should be learn to read

i never said quit drinking, drinking is great, i said make sure you have enough control over it that you can quit drinking for a stint. that means you aren't a full blown dependency alcoholic which is really important to keep track of.

i also didn't say meet people, that list of basics is just so that when you do come across something or someone that sparks your interest / happiness you aren't so burdened with self loathing that you can't even do anything about it

humans are social creatures so even online you'll come across people whose company you enjoy unless you hate yourself so much that you sort of ending up hating anyone who is nice to you bc "you don't deserve it"

my basic list of:
-10-30min of sun on your skin/day
-limit fapping
-make sure you are in control of drinking
-some work out / exercise

that's just to make sure you aren't so down on yourself that there is no hope no matter what life drops into your lap

lets be real anon this has nothing to do with you facing some deep endless existential crisis and everything to do with you being a lazy demotivated piece of shit. you know it i know it. nothing wrong w/ that, i gave you the simple guide so that you'll be able to grab a lifeline if you get lucky and the universe throws you one or you can be stuck like you are now forever

up to you

>>16923972
>being happy is the point in being happy

Well, not if your only definition of happiness is fleeting pleasure. It's the only "happiness" I've ever known and felt and it's really fucking meaningless. Yet I can't convince myself to pursue something greater because of my lifelong experience of meaningless pleasure. I just feel it will be more of the same thing.

>>16923982
>Find a life goal or something you love.

That's very easy to say, almost impossible to do if you haven't been conditioned to have a purpose since an early age. Instant gratification just takes over and it gets to be your main motivation. The only "life goal" I can think of is finding better booze or something. I'm not kidding, I seriously can't see anything else.

>>16924024

then get over it and do it anyways.

at the end of the day that is the only advice you will ever get until you actually commit to it.

>tfw used to be the douchebag edgy nihilst as a teenager upsetting kids by telling them nothing they were doing mattered on the cosmic scale and there is no heaven, we just die etc. while feeling full of myself for being so smart
>tfw now as an adult I spend every waking moment terrified by death and the finite and meaningless nature of our lives and am constantly abusing ever more dangerous drugs to try and take my mind off of it all

Serves me right, I guess.

>>16924013
OK, I kind of get it. But why do you think it feels meaningless to try to improve myself? I can't find an explanation for this. Whenever I started some exercise routine/meditation/etc I eventually gave up and went back to my hedonistic habits. I'm afraid I'm gonna do the same thing again and again.

>>16924089
it feels meaningless because some part of you or your life is a little broken. because you fell off the simple: HS -> College -> job -> wife/kids somewhere in there -> house -> live for kids

pathway and once you are off that things take a bad turn if you aren't a self starter or you don't have some kind of big goals or dreams. bc you stepped out of the flow but you didn't for any particular reason

you only tell yourself it feels meaningless bc you need an excuse to quit. because working is hard, you probably fear failure like most people who end up like this along with a host of other shit.

also you give up because you are expecting meditation/exercise whatever to actually fundamentally reshape who you are and how you relate to reality. that's not going to happen.

like i said, look at it as just the minimum things to do so that if you get lucky you'll be able to not end up at the deadend place you are headed towards.

if you don't do any of those things you've got no shot, if you do them you have a shot. its not meaningless to give yourself better odds of not dying completely alone and miserable

>>16924121
This has helped me a lot. Thank you kind soul.

Well OP, if you can't think of anything, I'd recommend AA. Very similar values and philosophy to stoicism, with a built in support group of people who are willing to help you and other alcoholics sober up and rebuild their lives. Must be deeply satisfying. Everything else in this world is misery to you, every act of self-seeking pleasure taken and selfish desire fulfilled deepens your disillusionment with life, and so it is to many alcoholics and addicts. Perhaps it would be worthwhile to try.

>>16924281
You've described my thinking process very well. But I don't know, I can't get myself to trust AA. From my understanding, it's designed to operate as a cult. What was your experience?

>>16924042
>if you haven't been conditioned
Quit crying like a bitch and take some responsibility for yourself.

Nobody ever "conditioned" me to have goals. I have goals because I know what I want to do with myself. Maybe you should take some responsibility instead of being a little bitch all the time.

>>16924324
How do you even "take responsibility"? It sounds like the standard "just do it" advice which is as useful as a horse at the stock market.

>>16923902
Stop drinking. Alcohol is your problem.

>>16923902

Life is rough dude. That other guy talking about the falling off stuff is right. Unless you have some kind of delusion or grandiose ideal of achievement, you're going to look at everything and say "what is the fucking point?"

At the bottom of it there isn't really anything going on. It's not a new or profound thing, but there it is. Honestly, for the people who do fall off the treadmill or who got off intentionally because they have some big goal, they are 100% delusional. In the sense that the goal is meaningless, anyways. "Becoming a great X" is like reaching level 50 in an MMO or something. Enjoying life is just finding something to spend your time doing and believing in it. It's nice to choose difficult things, because there is a tangible struggle there. If you want to be a great doctor, or a great animator, or whatever, you're going to recognize on the journey that "god damn, this is fucking hard to do!". I'm kind of rambling, but the struggle itself is what ends up validating the goal. It's also nice to choose things you do derive some pleasure from. It is somewhat difficult to become an actuary, but it might not be a very pleasant thing in the end. Being a doctor may feel kind of pleasant, or a good cook, or an artist.

When your life is over you can have that last moment of existential despair, but for now just put it off.

>>16924577
But why is life rough rather than not rough? Why is it designed to be like this? Why does hardship even exist?

>>16924610
Finite resources

>>16924627
Yeah but I'm talking about stuff like exercise, dieting, getting out of your comfort zone, making changes, maintaining changes. Why does it take such monumental willpower? Why is needing willpower a thing?

get in here, op

>>16924579

>>16923979
you're telling yourself it's pointless
which is a lie
because it's hard
and people don't like doing things that are hard

>>16924663

It's the same answer honestly. Finite resources are the reason you have to struggle to gain anything. Energy within your body, or any sort of fuel, is finite. You need to travel and labor in order to produce more for yourself.

You can even think of it as finitude in general. If you were some sort of spatially infinite being, then you wouldn't have to "move" to pursue food. It would be within you already. But you aren't, and the food is somewhere else. Everything is somewhere else. You always have to go get it.

It's kind of a necessary component of your being. If you were everything, there wouldn't be anything. There'd be no way to differentiate between objects and discern relationships because there would only be one thing in existence, you. But if there is going to be a "you" in any normal sense, as we know the experience of being an individual, there is going to be a finite state of being.

>>16924674
Yes, and because it's hard, it's literally the opposite of happiness. I know that isn't true in the long-term, but the idea that it would take months/years to see any improvement is so daunting as to make it "pointless". I guess I can't stand being miserable for this long, aren't most people the same?

>>16924683
Why are we humans supposed have this awareness and deliberation that literally enables suffering? It seems to me that being human is a requirement for being in pain. At least other creatures don't possess the psychology that allows us to feel like shit.

>>16923902
Change

OP, it is a thing called clinical depression.

Depression overview: http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/depression/basics/definition/con-20032977
Chronic depression overview: http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/persistent-depressive-disorder/home/ovc-20166590
How to find a mental health provider (do it): http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/mental-illness/in-depth/mental-health-providers/art-20045530
How to find a therapist (yes, also do this): http://www.webmd.com/anxiety-panic/guide/how-to-find-therapist
A list of suicide hotlines, organized by country (put one in your phone in case you ever need it): http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html

>>16924024
You don't get to define words in context for yourself. What you have is an addiction, and low willpower, and you've felt shitty about it for a long time without doing anything about it, so you feel depressed. I challenge you to live your life without internet and instant gratification for a week, amd then see how you feel. Wuot going easy on yourself. Your feelings are your fault here.

>>16925466
I can try doing some of the stuff but I need the internet for work. I don't know how I'll avoid all the shitty websites.

>>16923902
Read up on buddhism man. It might help you get some insight into what's happening in your life. Alcohol addiction and internet addictions are simply sense craving and use of substances to alter the mind. You are currently suffering dukkha (stress, dissatisfaction and suffering). OP, you are just trapped by your assumptions and views of what is. Struggle is one of the signs that you exist and also a sign that you can end your suffering. Just have a read before you decide to off yourself. http://www.buddhanet.net/e-learning/basic-guide.htm