Let's be really truthful now: is cheating some kind of IRL-meme? I see all of these people going "cheating is the worst thing you could do to another person!!!" and I don't relate at all.
I just don't get it. I suspect it's something people feel from the remains of religious morals, and at this point it's just such a big circlejerk noone reflects on why - you "just know" from culture and upbringing that cheating is a terrible terrible thing. I also think people love to take the opportunity to play out their dramatic sides - if someone cheated on you you're suddenly allowed to go psycho and throw things at them, etc.
I'm female and I have a man I love very very much. The idea of him sleeping with another woman just doesn't bother me, just as porn doesn't. I already know he's attracted to other women (porn stars), it's natural, but I am the one he loves so what does it matter? It's just sex.
(And before you go all misogyny on me: no, I haven't cheated on him nor would I. I just don't feel a desire to.)
Can anyone relate?
Baaaaaaait
>>16906519
Stop being 15 and try be open-minded for once
Nice b8 m8 I r8 8/8
>>16906516
>I see all of these people going "cheating is the worst thing you could do to another person!!!" and I don't relate at all.
And that's fine.
>I suspect it's something people feel from the remains of religious morals, and at this point it's just such a big circlejerk noone reflects on why - you "just know" from culture and upbringing that cheating is a terrible terrible thing.
Not really. I'm not religious and my husband's some kind of weird mix of pantheism/deism/paganism. When it comes to sex, we both went into this wanting monogamy. We notice when other people are attractive but we don't desire other people--or, at least, I don't. But I've made it clear that if he wanted to sleep with another person, and he talked about it with me, I wouldn't stop him (we only have one life to live). If it was 10 years ago, I probably wouldn't be okay with it. But we've been together long enough that I'm secure in the relationship. It's the betrayal that comes from cheating that hurts people. The lies, sneaking around, not being safe, etc. I've known many people that have had to deal with pregnancy scares from their partner not playing it safe, contracting things, crazy stalkers, all that nasty stuff.
>The idea of him sleeping with another woman just doesn't bother me, just as porn doesn't.
It's good that it doesn't bother you, but it's still two entirely different things. One comes with risks, the other doesn't.
>>16906532
>pantheism/deism/paganism
Stopped reading right there.
>>16906537
That's okay. He's still not exactly sure what he believes, and he doesn't really talk about it, but he's very interested in learning about different things.
Other people genuinely do have different outlooks than you do, OP. You're allowed to be fine with it, that's totally cool, but other people are allowed to not be cool with it.
If something in a relationship is out of bounds for you, and your partner knowingly crosses that line, you're going to feel hurt.
It's less a "cheating is objectively bad" thing, and more of a "I want this out of a relationship" thing.
>>16906516
OP you are correct to an extent.
People tend to follow what society shows. They see a story about some woman freaking out over a cheating husband, and they subconsciously learn that cheating is bad. This is reinforced over and over throughout their life and thus it becomes common knowledge. The reasons why are just circles that come back to the idea that it is bad because it is bad.
There are however 3 solid reasons why somone might not like it.
First is trust, if it was not discussed previously, then it is likely implied the couple was intended to be monogamous, the breach of that assumption casts doubt on how much you can trust the one who "cheated.
Second is disease. I am going to lump pregnancy in here. Fluids are being exchanged, there is a risk involved.
Third and something people rarely think about, is that sex is a bonding ritual between couples. If the person you bonded with is suddenly doing the bonding ritual with someone else then it seems like they are bonding with that other person, and thus likely to leave you. On a bio-chemical level this actually makes sense as sex drops a ton of dopamine in the brain, which causes you to form a positive association with the person or objects around you.
>>16906690
>On a bio-chemical level this actually makes sense as sex drops a ton of dopamine in the brain, which causes you to form a positive association with the person or objects around you.
But if I love him, how could I not want this for him? I want to see him reach complete self-fulfillment.
>>16906714
See that is the trick, when he fucks you he gets the same dose of dopamine. Your goal (in a primal monkey brain sense) is for him to become bonded enough to you to help you raise a child and not bonded to anyone else that he might split his resources with.
Don't get me wrong, I have NO PROBLEM AT ALL with responsible affairs. My wife has said time and time again I could roam so long as I followed some basic rules (condoms, no one I worked with on a regular basis, etc). In fact that freedom has cemented the idea that she loves me because she knows I want to wander and she would rather me be happy.
I really wish as a society we could stop freaking out about it so much, and it was something couples could discuss on the same level as a sexual fetish. Some people really want the freedom to have a fling and I think a lot of people would be ok with it if they had partners they trusted. Open discussion is the only way to get there. But I am sure we all know there is no way in hell the average pleb couple can have open an honest conversation about sensitive topics.
>>16906744
How has it worked out for you and your wife?
>>16906516
>Can anyone relate?
I can't but there are many, many people who can because:
>Men sometimes stay with their wives when they get cucked
>Women often stay with their MMAAAAAAN when he strays
>Many cultures have the attitude: "As long as it doesn't affect family life and he's discrete, who cares?
But me? Me it's about trust. Bitches are always going on and on about trust - marriage, rings, promises, blah blah blah.
But cheating violates trust. And that's an issue with me. This is coming from someone who routinely has threesomes and foursomes with his girlfriend(s). I'm totally fine if she asks and gives me the trust and control, but if she's sneaking around lying to me... yeah fuck her. Trash ass bitch.
>>16906763
You're a pleb, and you should feel bad.
>>16906764
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
>>16906752
I've never actually screwed anyone else, as I have all the game of a fucking nGage. However it does come up decently often. As dismissive as this sounds, it depends on what her hormones are doing at the time. If she is feeling pretty neutral, the thought of it is fine, and she almost encourages me, however now that she is pregnant (about 8 months) the idea is not something she is ok with. To quote "maybe after this fat lump gets out of me and things settle down". I don't really mind however. Something about pregnancy hormones makes the sex amazing. It really isn't my fetish but seriously pregnant lady parts are nothing to sneeze at.
>>16906516
Maybe you don't really love your boyfriend, but view him more as just a friend with benefits?
>>16906783
No.
>>16906785
Maybe you're just saying that it is fine, in a desperate attempt to justify the fact that you are a cheating whore yourself?
>>16906787
>>16906791
>baiting bait
I do think it's exaggerated but you're clearly less monogamous than people in general. The problem with cheating is that it's undisclosed. You just have an open relationship otherwise.
I think the problem is that people view themselves as inadequate when there's cheating. But really it doesn't have to be that. Cheating does feel naughty and impulsive sex can be great. There's reasons to think it's not at all about the person being cheated on is inadequate. But the expectation is that you're supposed to inform them.
I had a relationship where I told her to just message me in some way while or before she's doing it, she wanted the same. I cheated eventually and she replied 'please don't' (essentially) when I wasn't watching. I explained how it went down, she accepted it and we went on with our lives. I think she cheated that other time to get back at me but I only felt it strengthened our relationship. We shared an experience. It's much more like a open relationship than a closed one but it's implied that you don't sleep around all the time, as you might in an open relationship. We broke up for entirely different reasons later (seemingly at least, she would tell me if it bothered her that much I'm sure).
Undisclosed cheating is always problematic though. In some sense it's statutory rape also (potentially, if you sleep with your partner after). So it's pretty bad.
