How can I improve myself when I am at war with myself /adv/? Its a brutal existence. I wish every day that I could be more brave, courageous, smart.. strong. I feel like this world has eaten me to the core and I don't have much left.
How can I face the world when I can't even face myself? I hate admitting I need help because I feel things like depression.. only the person afflicted by it can truly beat it. Drugs don't help, other people won't help. I feel its a solo battle that needs to be handled. I have it under control but I can't move forward because its still on my back.
So I am fighting.. but not progressing. It feels like a circular conflict. What do you think /adv/?
I am 25 years old and I spent the last decade at war with myself. One day.. will this be over?
>>16786883
stop using the phrase "at war with myself" to sound edgy, it doesn't do anybody any favors.
>>16786885
Honestly, its just a description. There is no edge involved. Things don't get edgy until someone is suicidal or fake suicidal. Neither of which I am.
>>16786889
So what's the problem?
>>16786898
I feel like I am stuck because I have so many other inner conflicts. I can't really progress or move forward with my life. I also have a lot of short comings and can't really make up for them.
>>16786902
it's an illusion. you're progressing all the time yet you think you aren't because you want to control everything. your shortcomings are only shortcomings because you've labeled them that, it's just who you are.
>>16786902
Describe these shortcomings further, because it's hard to understand what's really the problem.
>>16786918
well for one I have never had any relationships, I have no confidence in almost anything I do. I also feel mentally weak because of the lack of confidence.
I feel like there is really no way to boost confidence either. Confidence feels like this thing you get when you are a kid and then you just have when you get to be an adult. If you never had it as a kid, you won't ever have it as a adult.
Here's a post from a get off your chest that might relate to you.
---
You know you will have to face yourself eventually. Be it at night when you're staring at the ceiling or waiting for that hour long bus.
You don't like to be with yourself, you find ways to avoid being alone in public as you'd rather be alone in private where you can talk to yourself and not worry about judgements.
What's sad is that you know how to overcome it. Simply being, not doing anything, literally just hanging out with your thoughts and feelings. But you also know how hard it is. To be brought back to a certain memory in great detail, the pain which brings you to a sigh. I deal with regret and what-ifs all the time. I also imagine how people would see me or if my actions were pristine.
Sad, you know that these are deficiencies of the untrained mind. The world you live in is shaped by your mind. Yet you remain complacent almost as if you enjoy suffering and living an unrefined life.
There's no time for love when I cannot love myself.
There's no time for respite when there are 1000 things to distract you.
All I ask is to sort your thoughts out. Spend a day with no thing but your thoughts, but be careful and distance yourself from the fabricated works and memories that may come up. I know you are looking for peace and that intention is enough.
I hope you find your way,
With love,
From your enlightened side
