so a little over a year i tried to kill myself. ended up in the er, etc etc, on meds that work now, therapists, blah blah blah. Nothing new to me, been doing that since I was 8.
But, ever since then, I'm just completely numb. I didn't really notice it until now because I had been working a very intense job until recently that took up basically all my time. I had no reason to pay any attention to anything that wasnt work.
I'm reschooling now though and i realized that, the reason i was so happy and okay doing that job, was im empty. I feel totally hollow, and the only thing the meds do is keep my emotions under control. Instead of being overwhelmed with an anchor in my stomach and being unable to move because I feel so miserable, I'm just left with an empty vessel.
I don't know what to do. I can't seem to feel good about anything anymore, it's just an endlessly hungry pit inside me.
You say this like it's a bad thing.
Maybe your going a bout it the wrong way , you know what always makes me feel better is tasting the end of a rusty shotgun barrel and when I'm at my worst I load it
