I LOVE BANANA'S! I CAN'T KEEP IT A SECRET ANYMORE
I had the stuff I needed to get done before I could get ECT started over with today: bloodwork, an EKG and a physical.
I also discovered that the weird lines on my shoulders are stretch marks (I'm a 22 BMI, for fuck's sake) and that I have three probably congenital penile cysts that are benign.
I should see if I can talk to a urologist. Perhaps my insurance will let me get them removed. It's doubtful but it's a thing.
>I'm really excited about ECT but the whole benign penile cysts thing is really annoying
Pretty sure I overdosed on ecstasy a few years ago, was up for three days. Haven't been the same since.
Well fuck...
>Boring short day at work
>Get out of work bored as hell
>Call my friends to hangout
>They're all either tired or busy with work/school
>Feels bad
>Alone as fuck
>Around 10 PM
>Looking through Facebook
>A friend posts a picture today
>It's all of them together at the bar we go to
>"Good times with good people!" as the description
>MFW they all chilled without me knowing I wanted to
What the hell did I do wrong...
I'll make it through this but fuck. I think yesterday may have been the worst day I've had in years.
FUCK
>>16763007
>Haven't been the same since.
in what way?
I'm falling for a girl too fast, I've been talking to her for 2 weeks and I've already quadruple texted her. I seriously just wish this bitch would text me back sometimes.
>>16763052
We all have those days, I'm sorry to hear about it, my day wasn't the best either...this year so far hasn't been good
I hope things get better...I don't know what I'll do if they don't change.
I don't really care who reads this. I just need to articulate my thoughts a little where nobody will hear me
I guess I'm like a few other guys on here in that the ship never really sailed when it comes to girls. Looking back on how I was makes me cringe. I used to be so different. There was a time when I wanted somebody so bad; it used to tear me apart inside every day, gnawing at me everywhere I went. I would see couples walking together, holding hands, kissing, frozen for that brief moment in each other’s eyes, where there was nothing but him and her. It hurts, to think nobody will ever look at you that way. For years it followed me wherever I went. The timid girl at the cash register, the friends walking down the street, laughing, the girl wrapped in a Pikachu jacket, asking for a lighter before disappearing into the cold December night…
>>16763094
I tried. Years have passed, but I really did. Nothing ever really stuck though. I had sex twice, and both times were awful, almost traumatic. I found out sex wasn’t that great, and she made her boyfriend jealous. I don’t think either really walked away satisfied; thus my search continued as before, but every first and only date was tossing a flimsy cover over an unfilled pit, with the occasional girl using a second date for free food. Thinking about it now the whole experience is almost amusing, like a frantic chicken squawking around, clawing and throwing feathers everywhere in a desperate search for feed. Even still, I was determined, and my feelings ran deep. I never really had too high of standards, at least when it came to looks. It’s hard to put what I was after in words. Really, I just wanted somebody to share this world with. I wanted somebody to explore and learn about this world with me, and maybe we could learn about each other too. I wanted to share life, to give and be there for each other not because we wanted something, but because we had something. I wanted to run my hand through her silky hair, to hold her close with her looking up at me. I wanted us to be able to close our eyes and not say a word, just being together in that moment, because we both already knew how we felt for each other.
I dated a girl who I thought might have daddy issues. She was daddy's little girl it seemed like, except that it's highly probable that her mom cuckoldeded her dad and that she wasn't actually his daughter. She was and is aware of this. The more I came across as being similar to how she described him the more she seemed into me. The entire thing kind of creeped me out. I have no outlet for dealing with this.
>>16763102
People change. Don’t make any mistake; I write in depth because this is how I’m cursed to tell stories, not because I still feel this way. It took years for me to lose my spirit, but every bad date, every rejection, every girl that pretended to like me, every stuck up girl, every girl that tried so hard to be nice, and eventually just every girl slowly eroded my resolve away. It was not sudden, but slow. It was like an animal gradually shredding the sinews in its leg as it desperately struggled to escape a trap, not realizing in its fits of agony that it only caused its own slow death. As I failed again and again, I grew jaded. Slowly, a bitter taste leaked into me like a sickness. I was exhausted from a rigged game that I had thrown so much away on but never won. The infection sprouted into disdain and contempt, and eventually but gradually hardened into a quiet, heated anger glowing beneath the surface with well fueled coals. My misogyny became palpable, like a thickness in the air. Girls lost the pretense of courtesy around me, but how could I care? In my mind, I was already condemned by them.
>>16763094
I know how you feel, at one point in my life I had an amazing girlfriend, she was so beautiful, and so perfect, she was the one that got away, we were together nearly 5 long years, living together and everything, we played video games together, went on long walks, had the same group of friends, had great jobs, it was amazing...
Then I woke up one day to find out she left me in the middle of the night for someone she had been talking to online for a few months, she packed her things, called a taxi, and left while I was sleeping to fly nearly 10 states over to live with some random guy.
Damn near killed me, and now when I see anyone who looks like her, I just break down crying and feel my heart shattering all over again, she looked very much like the girl in my picture
I'll never forget you.
>>16763065
I was severely depressed for about a week after and now I feel emotionally flat, unmotivated and generally depressed all the time. Think I fried some synaptic vesicles or otherwise impaired my brain's ability to produce serotonin.
Or I could be a hypochondriac lol.
>>16763112
This is where most people cringe; I know I do just from remembering it. The sense of entitlement, the dependency, and the victim complex… all of it disgusts me. But as I said, people change, and time washes everything away into the void. My hate was dulled to whatever blunted remains it could be called today, being left to just barely taint an expression, or smudge a fingerprint on the inflection of a word. The stain of contempt may never truly go away; maybe it’s natural for some to become twisted into this. Even though you may cringe, you must at least understand why people feel this way. The social, emotional and sheer biological pressure compels people to pursue these feelings, but when it isn’t addressed it turns into a mound of weights constantly piled onto their back. Everyone acts differently when their spine finally gives out; some people become depressed and self loathing, some people become angry, some people become violent womanizers, some people kill themselves, and some people shoot places up. I was lucky in that I realized this pattern. Perhaps it’s not my hate that was changed by time, but my ability to see it, to see myself. I don’t tell myself what to feel, but I know my hate is misplaced.
>>16763126
Emotions come in waves, washing over the rocky shores of your mind, sweeping amongst each other in their tides. The tides begin to slow themselves as you age, and I can not only brace myself for them, but I see them on the horizon, when they will hit the shore, and where they come from. Sometimes, the tides of this feeling come out again. The sick water washes over in a slow wave. When I can, I close my eyes and watch the waves come and go, and during this time I wonder if this polluted wave can ever be made clear again. The original warmth of attraction I had in me became a spiteful furnace long ago, and now all that remains are the occasional sparse dots of cool embers, dissipating as quickly as they appear. I wonder where that feeling has gone, like a flake of snow, drifting among the soft flurry through the cool breeze, only to be swept away to some place unknown, forgotten forever.
>>16763121
I know how you feel. Almost the same thing happened to me, except she ended up marrying the guy a few months after she left. We were together for 3 years. It's been 4 years since and I'm still wrecked over it.
>>16763121
>I know how you feel
Not really
I wish you'd get off your high and mighty cloud and stop browsing these boards for hours just so you can complain that you never have time to work on your schooling. Duck off with your dumb bitch attitude and put that towards your work. And stop complaining to me because you are the source of your problems. You just are so good at lying you lie to yourself and get so riled up over nothing. Because that's what you're doing when you lie to yourself, creating imaginary scenarios that end up pissing you off. Do us all a favour and admit to yourself and start being honest and talk to a professional about this and don't settle right away, find one that you feel comfortable communicating with.
MY DAD IS A SPINELESS FUCKING KEK
>>16762988
i want my best friend to break up with his girlfriend so he'll talk to me again
>>16763007
Sorry you had to go through that shit. Might be worth looking into therapy/talking to a psychiatrist. Shit'll wack your neurotransmitters out.
I took 3200 mg of Vyvanse over the span of three days almost three years. Didn't eat, didn't sleep, had a full-on mental breakdown.
Have literally been in a constant state of fight-or-flight for the last three years. Constant panic. Changing psychiatrists because my current one doesn't believe me, and has me on only 1 mg of Klonopin a day.
It'll get better, just seek out help if you need it. It'll get better, man.
feel like im
6/10 face
6/10 body
always told I have above avg face, great genetics.. 195lbs 15% b/f right now
6'2 master race
cant stop being anxious with girls, same shit when i was 15..18..20..23 now almost 24.
can't come out of shell to save my life... every girl i meet i put her on a pedestal and she gets freaked the fuck out
Idk how to even begin to try and integrate myself into a normal social state.
fuck my life... why bother.
I'm so sick of pretending to be happy. I just want to scream at some people what I really think of them. I want to cry into someone's arms and have them reassure me. I want to let people know how I actually feel but as soon as someone starts talking to me I put on my usual, fake, cheery look and pretend nothing's wrong. I hate keeping all this shit cooped up.
I just bought $30 worth of (cheap) sex toys, can't wait til they come in the mail so I can cum in the bed.
omg no i dont like u im just cucking u ur a lil bitch ur nothing i want i want anaijah boyle but i just cant have her right now and she is all i ever loved and probably i dont know if ill ever love again and i hate sex and ur a gross fagget and i dont fuck with you and you bring me down cuz ur a lil bitch and i just dont want need that in my life im cucking you and i regret it who else all yall judging me in my head checking for reactions thinking im up to shit yo im playing yall too to catch yall slippin so thats a done deal work with it other wise im just a broke nigga trying to get lit like what dont yall understand im dead about like kill my self tommorow like u have no clue i hate myself i am so mentally stable and my issues my everything my whole existance is worthless so i really dont care like i want a gun in my hand like im beyond putting in pain for dumb lil ass team shit this florida shit dead hurting me i dont know nobody i dont fuck with nobody i hate everyone and everything and i am fed up like I need that damn job i need that damn thang like i dont c what you c at any point in time shit fucking foo foo hey at least im not begging in the wonderfful streets of ny im so good im so good im blessed od im still cutting my self and hearing voices like when will this end and i know its yall i know its yall
IM TAKE THAT L jk
I wish you'd check the traffic logs on your photography portfolio so you could see how often I check for updates these days. You mean a lot to me, even if I can't talk to anybody right now.
I don't even know what I'm feeling anymore. I'm trying to type everything out but it's just not working.
I'm empty. Numb. Broken. Desolate. Nothing.
He doesn't love me. He never loved me.
I'm unlovable.
I just want to go to bed and not exist.
It has been nearly a year since you ended it, and broke my heart. I wanted to keep you forever...
Almost to the day, six years ago, you and I started talking. I remember every single night we kept one another awake, until I finally managed to make that trip, to you. I remember it all, and it still feels as if it happened yesterday.
We should be about to celebrate six years together, but what I would give to start anew, you will never know. If only we could have seen, and spoken to one another, perhaps you would have realized...
Do you have any regret? Is there any doubt? Do you love me, still? Do you think of me? Do you miss me, more so during the best, and worst, of times? If so, think on what I have said; one life.
Bah...
>>16763785
"Bah" means "crazy" in Thai.
23 mg of Ritalin, 2 hours of sleep, and a Red Bull in my system.
I think I'm dying
I'm burning up
My head is spinning
>>16763520
You probably bought toxic toys (anything "jelly" is toxic).
https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/comments/184960/toxic_sex_toys_what_to_know_before_you_buy/
Please don't destroy your reproductive system
If it's clear and flexible, it's probably jelly and toxic (clear silicone does exist but it's very expensive therefore not used in sex toys)
i have a new job in a big city and I fucking hate it. I used to work 12 hours a day for months at a time with large breaks in a rural country and I was much happier then. now I am working 8 hours a day at an office job, every day, for weeks on end, and I want to rip my fucking eyeballs out and I haven't even been here for 3 months
there isn't even anything to do, and on top of that we have the whole bullshit culture based around perception where I have to be here on time, stay late so it doesn't look like I'm not a team player, pretend like I'm busy, etc, even though we all collectively work probably at most 3 hours out of the day
how do people do this shit
how am I not going to kill myself
even if I wanted a gf by the time I get home, I have at most, 6 hours before I have to be in bed, and all I want to do during those 6 hours is relax and just turn my brain off. going out and socializing after work is L I T E R A L L Y the last thing I want to do, yet I know I will never get a gf if I don't.
I am never going to make it
>>16764661
It's not jelly. It's plastic or something. It's all for my clit anyway so idc what I'm rubbing against.
I keep missing class in college because I'm sick. Don't know if my professor will be understanding or not.
Just left from my aunt's place. I went to visit there briefly today, and it was rather nice to sit down there for a time, and enjoy the company of my relatives. When I knocked on the door, I was greeted by my 10 year old cousin who proceeded to immediately hug me and tell that she had missed me, which was heartwarming.
I stayed there for a while, drank a few cups of tea, chatted with my aunt and cousin a bit, and then decided to leave as it was getting late.
As I was getting ready to leave by putting my shoes etc on, I heard my cousin chime goodbye to me, and as I turned around I saw her run butt naked past me. At first, I thought nothing of it, and proceeded to get my coat etc, but then I heard my aunt start chastising my cousin harshly downstairs, which made me feel rather uncomfortable. I decided to leave post haste, and pretend that I saw nothing, but now I wonder if it was the right decision.
I'm sorry for snapping a little, okay? But what I said really wasn't all that bad, and it's no reason to treat me like a pariah for two days and refuse to say "I love you" back to me. That fucking hurts, you know? We just got engaged, why have things suddenly seemed more fucked up? Why is it always my fault, and why is it that whenever we talk you're telling me how I fucked up, what's wrong with me, how much of a burden I am? If you feel trapped by me, just leave, please don't let me keep loving you with all my heart just to leave me twisting in the wind. Are you mad at me for trying to kill myself? Are you mad at me for not dealing with my mental shit well? I'm sorry that I can't be perfect! I'm doing my best, for christ's sake. I've exhausted myself trying to be better, do better for you, but it's never enough, I'm still just a monster and a fuck up in your eyes.
Maybe that had more than a little something to do with why I tried to kill myself in the first place.
One of my best friends violently raped me. I'm a guy, and I'm engaged. I don't know how to deal with it or tell my fiance.
I trusted him with my life, we were brothers. He got me drunk and overpowered me.
>>16764769
Did you get a rape kit done? I would press charges.
Cut off your friendship with that guy
You shouldn't stay friends with shitty people
If your fiance truely loves you they'll understand what happened was not your fault.
>>16764681
Are you me?
I am sick of fighting. Its been 7 years of this. The end is in sight for me but not for my mum and brother. I am not sure if he is insane or evil. He bullies us, sometimes beating us up. I haven't been beaten in years since I have grown to the point where I could give him some serious grief if he tried, but he still treats me as an extension of himself. He says that he is just a poor innocent scapegoat that me and my mum blame for all our problems, but he forgets what we have seen him do. I will never forget the lukewarm sticky feeling of drops of blood on my foot after walking in after being awoken by screaming at 2am( luckily it has only happened once, usually it doesn't get that bad). I am sick of being up at 5am on a workday making sure everybody is Ok.
On top of that, I struggle to find the courage to ask a girl who clearly likes me out. She knows what happens and I know some of what she goes through. I really care about her but I can't express how I feel because I don't want to lose her and creep her out.
Just realized that I've become really fucking good at hiding how fucking shit I feel most of the time to my family and friends.
I'm scared as fuck that when I go to university (18, >inb4 underage) I'm going to fall down really badly mentally and then it'll be incredibly difficult to hide it because I won't be a straight-A student anymore.
I'd go see a therapist or something but my country's mental health system is both terrible and underfunded to fuck. I'd rather save them the hassle and let them deal with the actually mentally fucked.
>>16763503
I know your feels, anon. Although it's really no fault except my own. I don't want to burden my """""friends""""" and family with my bullshit; the former don't really care and I'll just get even more social derided if I did anything, the latter have been through too much shit these past few years.
Not even /r9k/ and /adv/ fill the role we need, not at all really.
>>16764777
I was too humiliated to pursue anything about it. I kind of just left as soon as I could walk again and tried to mentally bury it. I wasn't sure if the authorities would even believe me. It was pretty stupid of me, but I wasn't exactly in the right state of mind after it happened. Traumatized, you know?
I did cut him off, and I haven't spoken to him since the incident and luckily he lives in another state (I was visiting). It just fucks me up because, that was my best friend, you know?
I know my fiance would accept it, I guess I've just been scared. It's a difficult thing to talk about.
Thank you for your kind words.
My dad apologized for abusing me throughout my childhood. He fucked me up really bad, I'm still recovering from it to this day, and I'm 23. I know I shouldn't let it go, but I still want to forgive him. I want peace and closure so badly, and maybe even to have a decent relationship with him if he really has changed. Is it the right thing to do?
>>16764782
how is your situation similar?
how are you coping
Im about to walk into oncoming traffic
if my boss offered me 10 hour days 4 days a week with a three day weekend I would suck his dick no hesitation
>>16764811
How did you cope? I'm the poster 3 above yours
>>16764818
bro don't do it
I know the grind gets hard sometimes, but stick it out for a while and save up your money enough to where you have enough to fall back on so you can pursue a job that doesn't swallow up your whole life
in the meantime, work on your marketable skills when you have the spare time. Learn another language, that alone will open up the doors to MUCH better jobs.
don't kill yourself and stick with this for as long as you need to, with the knowledge that you'll change your situation in the future.
soldier on, brother.
experience: I went through the same shit working at a soul sucking job. wanted to kill myself. let myself learn something from it instead. it got better. don't kill yourself.
>>16763024
I actually met my friends hanging out in a bar without knowing they were there once. This was in HS. If they do stuff like that it'd be wise to find new friends. Confronting them wouldn't change much I think.
>>16764820
shit man, I'd give you a hug if I could.
I coped poorly the first few years, but I learned that through heavy introspection and carefully unravelling and examining what he did to me, I came out kind of okay on the other side. no longer blaming myself for what he did, and being okay with being slightly broken, knowing that it wasn't my fault because I was just a kid.
i'm at a place right now where i might be able to forgive him for my own personal peace, but it's a hard place to climb to. i hated him for a long time, but all that did was eat me up inside.
>>16763024
well, there's 3 options: 1. their scheduled happened to get freed up so they hung, in which case it was still shitty of them not to contact you. 2. you're not as close to them as you think, sometimes that happens before you get really involved in a friend group, they hang out without you sometimes. 3. they swerved you, find better friends, you don't deserve that shit.
either way don't get down on yourself, bro. sometimes people are shitty. this kind of thing actually happens to more people than who'll admit it, because they're all ashamed and think they're the only ones being excluded
>>16764837
This post made me smile. I cried about it for about 4 years and cowered in fear and blamed myself, then something changed. The fear turned to anger. The introversion went away.
I lost many of my friends after my grandma died (saw her every day, couldn't mourn), I have started getting new friends now.
I am really surprised that I am coping with it in a very similar way to you, although I am not sure I could forgive him.
My perspective on this would suggest forgiving him if it was mental illness, a drinking problem or something. However, if it was simply out of malice, cut him off.
I don't even know if we're dating or what but I get the feeling you'd be into the idea, and honestly I want to be into you ifyouknowwhatimean
>>16764858
Hey man, I'm so fucking proud of you. That shit is incredibly difficult to deal with, and I'm happy that you're able to do it the way you are.
My dad used to have a drug problem, but he got clean in recent years. He also suffered abuse at his dad and step dad's hands, and only got me for a few years once he got out of prison, so he was.. honestly, just doing the only thing he knew how, the best he could. Not to excuse his abuse at all, but I understand why now.
He was very persistent in apologizing to me, listing specific instances and not letting me brush them off, telling me that it was what was fair and right to apologize to me. I could tell he was feeling real remorse.
I'm a loving person at heart (it's usually a bad thing, letting people hurt me and such) so I know I'm going to end up forgiving him anyway. I'm just trying to have faith that things really will be better.
I wish you well on your recovery, friend. Hope things turn out alright for you.
>>16764880
Thanks
I would forgive him, if he is that persistent and specific.When my dad attempts to apologize he does it half heartedly and does it in a way such to blame you for it as well.
I am not sure what is wrong with mine. He is definitely manic depressive and alchoholic (I hear him drinking at 3am sometimes). Beyond that I am not certain. The most likely things seem to be is he is severely autistic, psychopathic or sociopathic. He also may be schizophrenic, although this is based off one time he said he heard voices about 10 years ago. He was definitely abused by his father, who did have a drinking problem and was molested, and was the weird kid during school I think. I hope he would go to prison for what he has done (he threatened to hire an assassin on my mum once), but truth is he is very well connected and very rich.
I suppose you could call him a corporate psychopath, although he is fucking awful with money and is constantly borrowing.
I know I will recover, but I am more worried about my mum. She was once very high up in management, basically a feminist wet dream. She has been reduced to a terrified woman with no confidence by the combined effects of this and organ failure.
I just want to die and I don't know how to change my mind
>>16764905
Go get some pussy/dick
>>16764906
Who is pussydick? Why does he wear the mask?
>>16764905
Go to a club and talk to people. You will make friends if you arent creepy about it.
I just got fired from McDonald's after only working 2 shifts. I think I'm okay with this. I knew I was pretty shit at the job so I kinda saw it coming. I'm pretty bummed about not having a job or potential paycheck anymore, but it's not like I had those things before.
I feel like I should be upset about it, but honestly I just don't really give a fuck. I'm actually a bit relieved that I don't have to stand and shovel fries for 5 hours a day.
>>16764906
Have a gf but I've completely lost my sex drive
>>16764911
I wouldn't be able to actually build up the courage to talk to someone. And no one would speak to me because presumably I am creepy and weird.
>>16764909
He is the hero we deserve, but not the one we need right now.
>>16764928
>creepy and weird
>has a gf
lol so wierd litterally spent all day on netflix XD
>>16764928
Whats the worst that could really happen? If they think you're a creep, you will never talk to them again anyway.
You seem fine, the vast vast majority of people with low confidence and self esteem are just seem like normal average joes to normal people anyway in terms of how they look.
>>16764912
Meh, go get a job online. You can get plenty of work transcribing if you type at more than a snail's pace. Websites like Rev.com and all. It's what I do.
![photo-adopt-04[1].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/wkz5O2f.jpg "photo-adopt-04[1].jpg")
My apologies for not responding back to people who responded in my last thread. I was busy with life so I don't really check in time before it 404'd.
I was the anon who's wife and I were considering adoption. I suggested that maybe we give a poor kid with feelings of gender dysphoria a home. I said my wife doesn't want to do that as she is afraid of how to handle all the baggage that comes with a kid experiencing such feelings.
i just wanted to say that my wife isn't an insecure person ever since she started transitioning years before we met. She just feels afraid of raising a trans child. We'll probably meet their qualifications for financial security since we're both pretty well off career-wise.
Do adoption agencies frown upon religious parents though? Because my wife is pretty religious and attends church services every Sunday. She says her transitioning brought her closer to God than she ever has been. I don't quite understand it, but whatever.
This was my thread.
http://archive.4plebs.org/adv/thread/16756185/
>>16764903
Shit, man. My condolences. It sounds like your mom could really use some therapy (mental and medical), I'm sorry that she had to go through that shit. The best you can do is be there for her to support her. I find that that often helps me through my own shit, hopefully it'll do that for you, too.
You're not required to forgive your abuser, though. You absolutely don't have to, and sometimes it's something that will open you up to more pain. It's okay to be just as you are. You don't deserve half-hearted bullshit or to be blamed for someone hurting you.
I really have to head out to work now, but you take care, alright? Cheers, man.
>>16764962
Thanks a lot.
>>16764942
Maybe adopt a normal kid. You know, less than 1% of the population suffer from dysphoria so It may take a while and be a ton of work.
>>16763073
Slow down before you fuck up things like I did.
>>16764655
Take care of yourself and stop poisoning your body.
i was diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety late last year, after leaving my religion (currently a closeted ex-muslim)
although i'm only seventeen (inb4 b&), this year has been the worst year of my life so far.
the depression has been affecting my school life (i don't really have much of a social life anyway.), and as studious i am, i've fucked up so many exams lately.
want nothing more than to just stop existing.
>>16765065
and it just feels like i have no purpose anymore.
i've become so apathetic and lethargic towards everything i used to find interesting, too.
what do i do?
>>16765069
Just be yourself
The guy who I thought was cucking me is now trying to set me up with the girl I liked. He proposed a date idea she mentioned she wants to him, tried to encourage me that she hadn't turned me down and keeps disappearing when it's the three of us.
Is this a commercialism ruse to get me to buy a rose? I'm not buying it.
I dont know if i love my wife
>>16765157
Imagine her in a horrific accident
![14983[1].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/yoChtp7.jpg "14983[1].jpg")
>>16765288
>>16762988
My neighbors are consistently verbally abusing me,for this i will make their lives a living hell.
>>16763785
I broke up with my bf of years a few months ago. This really hit home with me. How could some random on 4chan convince me to call him? Lol.
That was a sad and insightfull post. I hope things work out for you.
I used to shoplift sushi (seriously) from a supermarket till I was caught. Since that was the first time I was caught they let me go. Within the months I stole the sushi I gained 10 pounds.
very recently started writing bits of poetry
kinda shit but it felt good just in the moment writing them
feeling kinda let down with how i am right now so i'm letting it all out in a new way
here's one of 'em
The Dance
Waiting day on night, waiting for that time,
Hoping for the moment to come, looking up to the stars,
How we hope for things of beauty,
Appasionata so violent, so true,
The moment will come, we lie
To ourselves, 'the time is almost arrived',
But the occasion doesn't come,
And the creation is yours alone,
To overthink one's memory, at a time of
Desperate, excruciating pain,
You cry out with all your heart and say:
'If only the dance had happened that day!'
The Dance
We can dance if we want to
We can leave your friends behind
'Cause your friends don't dance and if they don't dance
Well they're no friends of mine
I say, we can go where we want to
A place where they will never find
And we can act like we come from out of this world
Leave the real one far behind
And we can dance
>>16765371
that is shitty
>>16765382
thanks.
first one ever written so it's good to get some critical feedback
I tried to kill myself a few days ago, been building up to it for a few weeks, couldn't take it. At least I thought I couldn't. Still here, because I was too scared to do it. Broke down in front of my mum today, told her everything; the suicidal thoughts, the attempt, etc. She's already called the doctor, trying to get me some help. I can't remember the last time I felt this guilty, she's already dealing with so much and now I've just added to the pile. Every time she looks at me she has this fake smile on, but her eyes don't lie. She's scared. I feel like i've betrayed her. Wat do?
>>16765429
Please help me.
>>16765429
You take the help and try to get better. Its what she wants. She loves you.
>>16765481
Thank you.
I've been sad ever since my mother died when I was a very young age
My first failed relationship fucked me over and still haunts me to this day.
If I don't receive affection regularly, I become suicidal.
>>16765509
Think about what happened, rationalise it and deal with it mentally. You have the strength within yourself.
Even though I love you, I think you're a major pussy, a weakling. Sorry.
He probably left when he did so he could go out and fuck whoever he wants without having the burden of me.
He's probably already found someone else.
I'm so aimless right now, it's really bumming me out. I can't seem to stay motivated or focused on my Uni work, I'm inexplicably shit at my sport now, etc. I feel like I had so much going for me and now I'm too shit at everything to feel invested in anything. Help.
>>16765660
Curious why you think that they are weak?
>>16763487
Remember bro, girls are people just like us, they poop too
>>16765720
Yes, but it's smells like perfume and she shits butterflies.
When my dad died in the most agonizing way possible at a young age, I stopped believing in the God he spent his final years of his short life following a brief remission on.
If God exists - then he must take pleasure in temporarily "curing" a person to make them think God did it, then after false hope, striking him down after having wasted the time he had left in church and raising funds for the church.
>>16765745
God is not dead, he is merely unconcious.
I'm sitting in big dept
But I've got a real job but I dont enjoy it so far its just sidething until I can start at a more reliable company
The way I see it I won't get off that mountain within the next couple of months, it troubles me I'm climbing out of my hole more and more but the more I try the more I can feel the lazy me trying to take control again
I want you to back off and you're unreachable. Have you backed off? You're on of the worst things that has ever happened to me. I hate you. Thanks for being such an awesome virus in my life. Has the cure for aids been found yet?
>>16765897
Initials?
>>16765919
It's about a girl named Lonneke. She's making me feel like total shit and is harassing me, I want her the fuck OUT of my life, but I can't reach her. What should I do? Make it public? Go to the police?
>>16765922
I would either try to tell the police. If that doesn't work, try to intimidate her back.
I feel like I will never be able to complete something in my life whether this is gym goals or school related. I feel like every year my life is just taking a plunge to a new depth because of this.
>>16765927
How do I do that?
so for past ten years i wake up in the morning and my first thought is: "why the fuck do i even get up?"
>>16765927
I think she has Bpd and Aspd. She doesn't care about me or the input I give her. But the police won't do shit without proof.
>>16765938
Tell the police?
Step 1 : Call into police
Step 2 : Done!
Intimidate?
Step 1 : Get very very angry
Step 2 : Build yourself up
Step 3: Look her straight in the eyes, eyes wide open
Step 4 : tell her to cut it out or you WILL deal with her
Step 5 : If she doesn't cut it out, make good on that.
>>16765954
This seems like something she would write. Great this anonymous board.
>>16765959
Jesus, shes that bad? I am in a really bad mood atm. Seriously though, you are a guy, you are likely stronger than her, so you can wield more power than her if you grow a pair.
>>16765971
Yea, let's bash her head in like in the Caveman days. I have a pair. Maybe you should grow a brain. I appreciate the input, but quite frankly, it's unbelievably dumb.
>>16765983
I'm not saying bash her head in. What I am saying is create an atmosphere and take command.
>>16765989
What does that even mean you fucking troll?
>>16765993
You know when you want a seat on the bus but some cunt may take it off you, so you tense up and make it very clear through body language that you want the seat and there is no way they are getting it, and as a result you get it?
Do something like that.
I was thinking today about how often anons on this board say that their girlfriend/ex-gf/wife/femanon/any female is "crazy."
Many chose to diagnose this crazy more specifically - 'Aspergers, BPD, bipolar, etc.
Others prefer to attach a physical description to "crazy" - fat, ugly, roastie, some numerical rating below 7.
And still others asses the moral character of these unfortunate and astonishingly numerous women -- disgusting, whore, stalker, cumslut, feminist, etc.
Does anyone out there think that it is highly unlikely that all these women on the periphery or deep in the dark heart of 4chan are actually crazy?
>>16766027
There are alot of angry virgins here. The hate spews. You learn to ignore it.
>>16766002
Holy shit, what if I were a girl and a guy was doing this to me? And what do they teach girls? And what guys?
>>16766049
Well you say she is making life unbearable and picking on you, you can outdo her.
>>16766053
I don't think she would like to be in the movie Orphan, so I think it's best if I just make sure I can make her clear she needs to leave and make it clear she is not monitoring me anymore. She probably won't, but hey! Talking to her parents probably won't make a difference either, because they probably made her this insane in the first place.
>>16766053
Holy shit man, what if I was a measly little dude who wouldn't defend himself. She'd just fuck me over! While acting like I'm the asshole! These types deserve to be in a special place in hell, that's for sure.
I really don't know why I still go 'online' ever. Like you are ever going to say anything. It's habit now I guess. I miss having a friendship with you, but I get it. My relationship is still a jacked up mess, sort of in standstill and it's hard to deal with the loneliness. I'm sorry. I'll probably just stay offline more so it's not awkward for you. It must be.
I hate being on hold to talk to someone from TurboTax. I just need some help with understanding my W2.
>>16765357
I wrote that, and I am glad it moved someone to act. Thank you, and I hope it goes well, for the both of you.
I wish it had moved her, though.
>>16766141
What do you need help with?
>>16766163
Box 12. I have a DD code and the number next to it is 102.90. I don't have health care. I never had health care. I am not in my employer's health care. So what is this number? Their cost of health care? And if so, is it the cost per pay period or month?
>>16766173
I'm still confused
Friend and I ended up getting intimate after a party one night, I cut it off because if we kept going someone was bound to notice us. It happened again one month later, except this time she was more distant with me, wasn't into any advances I made. When I confronted her about it afterwards, I find out that she doesn't remember any of the first night and doesn't want me to tell her what happened.
However, ever since the first night we've gone from just acquaintances to really close friends, like "snapchat every day" close, but there's still this weird tension going on where I can't tell if she wants to continue where we left off from that night or not. I'm unsure what to do.
I want to pursue a relationship with her, but I'm afraid it would risk driving a wedge between us and possibly fracture our friend group.
>older sister staying with family now
>still living with family right now
>she has a son that's 10
>gripes because I won't share vidya or play with him now
He's a fucking bossy little brat that's why. He screams when he doesn't get his way. He erased some save files on my ps3, 'lost' a disc (found out later he tried to convince my sister I gave it to him so he could trade it in) and when we both played Terraria together he destroyed everything on my world and stole shit.
>me: "Why did you do that? That's not cool dude."
>Him: "AHAA! I TROLLED YOU. THAT'S WHAT YOU DO IN THIS GAME."
He screamed and cried today when I refused to let him borrow my ps3. Got a new lock on my door and when I came home from work it looked like somebody had hacked up part of the frame trying to get in. Whether it was him or my sister doesn't matter. I'm about to go slap the shit out of both.
>>16766138
Initials??
>>16762988
Well I think I am going to fail my math class this semester. I have a test tomorrow soon, I studied every fucking day, stayed away from distractions of every kind, practiced over repeatedly, sit in front of the class, listened to the instructor, but yet everything I studied just keeps flying over my head pretty much, and it doesn't stay long. Now I fear I am going to loose my grant if I fail this course.
Dropping the course is not the best idea at the moment either as I mostly passed the deadline to do so. Plus I need this credit to progress to get my degree.
So now I sit here tired, and unsure of what to do next.
>>16766556
If you think it could be you, give me one of yours and I'll let you know.
>>16766590
R.
I feel like I'm in highschool.
YOU ARE A WORTHLESS PATHETIC FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT. STOP GETTING SO GODDAMNED ATTACHED TO PEOPLE I THINK IM FUCKING DEPRESSED AND I CANT HANDLE IT. YOU SHOW ME ONE OUNCE OF ATTENTION, WE SET UP A DATE TOGETHER AND NOW YOURE NOT RESPONDING WHAT THE FUCK BUT ITS ONLY BEEN 10 HOURS HOLY SHIT YOU ARE PATHETIC FOR FREAKING OUT OVER THIS GOD FUCKING DAMNIT WHY DO I OVERTHINK THINGS AND GET SO DEPRESSED FUCK FUCK FUCKDSOK;GFASDIOGFASGKJLASDFGNDSKAJGNDSKJANDFSDGSKJBL SGM
>>16766782
Because your a lying sack of shit.
STOP PLAYING GAMES IF YOU WANT ME TO DO SOMETHING THEN TELL ME, OR BETTER YET DON'T TELL ME NOT TO DO IT
Stop trying to make everything a test, be real and grow up it would help us both.
>>16766782
iktf
>>16765429
And i tought /v/ was the joke board.
Kill yourself.
And take this hugbox with you, if you don't mind.
>>16766832
Yo I was real. I need to fix a few things, I want you to be a decent human being.
She was just using me cuz she was bored and leaving the country, she just wanted romance before leaving, she doesn't give a shit about me.
I know i'm not her type, that passionate kissing meant nothing to her, you're just a faggot that gets attached way too easily.
FUCKING GIVE UP ALREADYYYYYYYYYY YOU WILL NEVER FIND SOMEONE WHO WANTS YOU AS MUCH AS YOU WANT HER, JUST FUCKING GIVE UPPPPPPPPPPPPP
>>16766855
Explain further
My side is my gf will constantly set up tests over little things and be sad/mad when I fail them.
Example:
>Yesterday I say I am going to go to her house
>She says not to because 1. I've been over there everyday for 2 week straight including earlier that same day and 2. She wants me to save gas so we can go more places Friday
>I think it's a good idea and go home
>Soon as I get home she ignores my texts and calls
>Next day when I go to her house she is mad that I "wanted" to go home and that I "gave up" trying to contact her
I am at my breaking point
>>16766880
Also keep in mind that our houses are a city away. It takes usually 25m to get from my house to hers
>>16766880
In my case I'm dealing with a compulsive liar. Your princess seems insecure as fuck. Tell her your not a fucking toy.
>>16766898
>Princess
That's not good enough for her anymore she wants to be queen. And insecure is a understatement.
>>16762988
Trip trip tripadeedip oh trippinballs
>>16766919
She wants you to be an extension of her, you can't read her mind. Playing mission impossible is a no win situation.
>>16766940
I have literally said "I cannot read your mind" to her and I'm about to say it again when she gets home (I am siting for her outside her house in my car because I am her toy). If we can't work out something where I can be at my house without her losing her head then this might be it, which is sad because I love her family.
>>16766880
The first step to fixing a problem is to talk about the problem. If you feel like she is playing game then she needs to acknowledge that she is playing games.
>>16766959
I'll be sure to bring that up because I cannot play these games anymore, we go from being the happy lovey Dovey to hateful strangers in a matter of hours because of them.
It's weird leaving something you've been a part of for a decade, sticking through the bad times and laughing at the good. But nowadays there's just nothing left. There's no charm anymore, no soul for the shithole. You've seen it coming the past couple years, the deteriorating shell crumbling away from the outside influences, the commercialism, the popularity, the change in the age of the userbase, the constant sharing between other sites.
It's like watching your best friend die in your arms and there's nothing you can do to stop it.
I miss the safe haven that this place was for outcasts and creeps alike. I miss how different each board was and all the inside jokes between them. I miss laughing at other sites and getting angry when other people copied from us. I miss doing all that in private with a small tight-knit circle of friends before everything was about liking and sharing and subscribing and passed on to the people who don't give a shit about integrity.
Now everything is the same. On every website. On every social network. Same overused jokes. Same overused lingo. Same soulless generation. It's hard saying goodbye to a friend, so I'm not going to do that.
Fuck you people who made this happen
>>16767090
4chan drastically changed around 2010. To be fair though, it happens to each, and every, community as they become larger. Such is life, eh?
I'll be leaving this ocean of piss in a month, myself. Enjoy your freedom, Anon.
>>16767158
Why in a month?
Life was easier without you, I hung out where I wanted to, I went home when I wanted to, I talked to who I wanted to, I got a BJ from a girl on New Years, I started going to the gym, I drank whatever I want, I could spend my whole check however I wanted, I was happy. So why am I fighting to be with you?
That feel when I wanted to fap but I walked in on my cousin doing so and now I don't want to.
I am in desperate need of motivation in my life. Each day I feel stuck, and I can hardly do anything because I don't believe that it would do anything.
i worked to get where im at but still a big portion of it was just luck. im where a lot of other people want to be at.. but once you get there it progressively gets boring
>>16767158
W-we can leave?
I cheated on you. I didn't stick my dick in her or anything.
But I kissed her.
I don't feel that bad though.
>>16764769
You should kill him desu senpai
>>16767439
Initials?
It's been 7 months since my suicide attempt and I still wish I succeeded.
I can't figure out how the fuck I'm 26 with erectile issues and it makes me feel like a failure as a man.
Literally the only people who need me is my father with declining health and my wife who is young enough to move on or is strong enough to be able to live a good life without me.
>>16762988
I have a wild porn addict resulted into excessive femdom, macro and foot fetish addiction.
I want to quit it, but I fear alot that I'll lose my fantasies or fail in such a quest.
I'm sitting one seat away from the girl I love and her bf/my best friend is sitting in between. What do?
>>16763503
>>16764791
I get those feelings but I got better after nearly losing everything by getting help and allowing others into my problems instead of hiding everything. I talked to psychiatrist but I'm sure even speaking to a social worker or community worker would help you guys out. I now have a few friends and a boyfriend who I can vent to and it has made life so much better. Good luck and I hope everything works out for you.
It's his birthday today and I can't even spend it with him.
I already missed last year, I wanted this year to be special for him.
If shit hadn't have happened (aka me ruining everything, as always) then everything would've been set for today and it would've hopefully been perfect for him.
I just wanted to give him a good birthday for once and make him feel loved.
Before he left, I'd even almost finished getting his present sorted out.
Now what the fuck do I do with it?
He would've thrown it out now anyway. Probably just like everything else I've given him. He's probably already thrown out the cards.
Probably burned the deck.
I'm pretty sure he would've burned the photo by now too.
It's all meaningless and worthless now.
He more than likely wants me to never wear his ring again too.
I have no doubt he'll go out and get wrecked tonight. He'll forget I ever existed and he'll forget the last two years ever happened.
He'll find someone else, if he hasn't already, even though it's only been a couple of days.
As long as he's happy.
I saw my psych today and he said I need to let myself feel.
But I don't want to feel. I felt when he was leaving me, I felt after, it's too much, it hurts too much.
And I don't really want to be reminded that I'm a piece of shit for the thousandth time today, just like every day.
I wish I felt nothing like he would.
Whatever he feels; it's not what I feel. It'll never be what I feel.
Now I'm just at rock bottom.
I wish I was better for him, so he wouldn't have hurt me so much. I wish I was better so he wouldn't have done what he did.
I wish I was better so he wouldn't have left.
I know it's for the best right now, and that we need time apart right now.
But it doesn't make it hurt any fucking less, especially when 'right now' will no doubt turn into 'forever'.
I'm pathetic. As if it matters.
I hope he has a good birthday. I hope he stays safe. I hope he's happy.
I feel like I fucked up pretty bad. I was completely happy with the person I was, and how my life was going. I had a piece of shit car, broke as fuck, still lived with my parents. But people enjoyed my company. I had an amazing relationship with a beautiful girl. (call her F) A friend I can still consider this day to be my brother. I had no plan and I loved it. I felt more close to myself and all of those around me than I ever have. Everything held a feeling of weight to it. All things felt equally as important as the last. But I made a decision to throw it all away. F and I broke up because of this. I have been two thousand miles from home for over a year and a half. I don't know anyone out here. I can't get myself out of a rut, because the only thing I want to do is go home and see F. I work 15 hour nights and the time change only allows me to talk to her and my family in very limited amounts. I've lost every sense of enjoyment I used to get out of life. Christopher Mccandless' quote "But in reality nothing is more damaging to the adventurous spirit within a man than a secure future." rings very true for me. My day/week/year is planned in advance by someone else. It is killing me. I have too much pride than to drop the pack and head for home so I feel like I'm being torn in two.
I had phimosis but constant fapping
helped, i still remeber how i pulled down the foreskin for the first time.
I wondered why my dick was so hard (not hard as in errect, literraly hard),
when i pulled my foreskin down the first thing that came was the smell
Than i saw i thick crust maybe half a centimetre thick which went around the tip of the dick ( thats what was so hard) washing and peeling it off hurt pretty much but now my dick is normal
>>16766601
Unfortunately not. Hope you find whatever you are looking for.
I love you, I need you. I want you, I love all of you, I can't keep going on without you, I wonder. A million miles would help. If only. Instead I'm trapped inside the cage of the woman I could be
Pretty bad at talking to girls. Not socially awkward or anything i have a solid group of friends but i've never really had a decent number of friends who are girls. Anyway there was this girl who i quite liked as a friend and since it was basically the first girl i had a decent friendship with it meant more to me than it probably did to her. We used to talk a lot but recently she barely even notices me which is just frustrating given how she had no problem talking to me before but all of a sudden its like i dont exist. I have no fucking idea what went wrong but it just frustrates me that i have no clue what went wrong. I keep thinking maybe in uni i can find some decent female friends/gf but im seriously not sure anymore. Im just frustrated more than angry and no matter how much i try to forget about it if keeps biting at me and i cant seem to accept it and move on.
>>16767593
Ha I just went on fb and the first thing I see is his status about getting blind tonight.
So much for 'not doing anything' except a 'family dinner'.
I can't believe I was stupid enough to ever delude myself into thinking I actually ever meant anything/something to him.
I'm fucking pathetic. This stupid, hopeful naïve part of me still hopes that he'll actually wait for me, for once.
But he won't, ever. The fuck is the point when he can go out and get whoever he wants, whenever he wants. The fuck is the point when he never actually 'loved' me; I'm unlovable anyway.
I can gurantee he's already found someone else without a second thought about me, and I'll never compare, sexually, romantically, whatever; I'll never compare and I'll never be enough. I'm so easily replaceable, it's like I was never even there.
He's 100% forgotten me. But I expected it; everyone always ends up forgetting me.
Everyone always ends up leaving me. Everyone. Always.
No exceptions.
I regret so much. I hate myself.
It's just fucking great when the one person you want is out there moving on while you'll never be able to move on.
I've made so many mistakes, but losing him was the biggest mistake of my life.
Being with me, and continually coming back to me, was probably his.
At least he's fucking having fun. At least he's having a good birthday.
At least he's fucking happy.
I'm nothing.
I don't understand why I can't be motivated by anything other than anger and hatred and an irrational thirst for revenge.
>>16764655
Drink water and take it easy. Also what anon said, stop poisoning your body.
Seems as though everyone is about fuckbuddys these days, they all settle for less, where's the romance? What happened to having sex with someone you care for deeply, what about flowers and kind words and shy gestures, nothing ever happens anymore, it makes me sick, I hate all this cameraderie and fake actions, and playing it cool, really fuck off. I'm me and if I feel a connection I'll go for it so we can be something, not just they look half decent so shag them. It's not just about looks, it's chemistry, love. I'm living in a time I can't relate to
>>16767961
Chivalry is dead, unfortunately. :(.
I've been more than a week without fapping and I'm starting to feel like I want to fuck the trees
I wonder why people do this
>>16764681
I'm about to graduate and this is literally my biggest fear. I don't want to work to live. I know it sounds spoiled and ignorant and whatnot but I just... I'm in awe of people like you who can do it. And you can do it, judging by the fact that you are doing it right now. But I think it's like anon said, you just need to stick to it until you can raise enough money to be able to find another job without having to worry too much. You are stuck in my worst nightmare which I'm probably going to find myself in very soon but please don't break. Plan your escape, as it were.
I'm fed up of crying every day because I'm heartbroken, and can't just be shallow and hook up with someone random and pretend to be happy, yet so many people do this all the time, what kind of life is it? I want to be anywhere else
I'm really bad with my emotions. Literally retarded in terms of recognizing and dealing with them. I'm smarter than the average person academically, but my emotional maturity is that of a young teenager.
I'd feel like shit one day and wouldn't know why, really like something and not know why, feel very anxious and not know why.
Only yesterday did I figure out that sitting on my ass all day makes me feel anxious and depressed, and I've been a NEET for almost 5 years now doing that everyday, a few days ago I realized lack of sleep does the same thing to me.
I'm glad I'm making progress, but fuck I feel really stupid sometimes. There is a very high chance that I'm autistic.
I knew a man that understood chivalry. With me, at least. I see him around, I'd do anything to have him back, I knew when I feel in love with him he was right for me, yet it can't even get that right, he's probably gone forever
I hate it when someone you're mega close to says "call me, text me, let's meet up, email me" so I do and he says "I love you" and I get all defensive as I don't want to be played, maybe it's obvious at that stage I felt needy and fell in love madly, and then he blocks me, doesn't reply again and looks through me, starts hanging around me, then gets So some else to tell me to leave, says I'm playing games. I'm not. Yeah, thanks for destroying my whole life so I can never recover!
>>16767976
>>16767968
>>16767961
>Hold doors open, not just for women, but for everyone. It's polite.
>Barely spend my money, so happy to pay for drinks and shit.
>Always polite, remember my "please"s and "thank you"'s.
>Recently grandfather passed away, bought my grandmother flowers and expensive wine.
>Been called a "creep" more times than I'd prefer to count and now never ever ask any woman out, presumption is that she finds me creepy.
Chivalry aint dead... it's just more cautious.
No effort for strangers, and if you aint asking for help, I'm not offering.
He says a few words to me and I'm already in absolute tears.
What the fuck is wrong with me.
I hate my life.
I'm a fool who lives under fantasies and delusions. How the fuck should I know her feelings if I can't even approach her, and only stare at her from afar? Fucking pussy.
I cringed to myself everyday about it.
I sometimes get this dark thought in my mind that I would wish my wife was dead.
I honestly don't want it, I love her very much.. But's it's kind of a "see what happens" thought. I would picture myself being a single dad, probably an alcoholic and miserable at life. Or maybe I'd be happier than ever? I can picture the funeral and months after. The sadness in the eyes of my children. My own sadness.
I feel sick whenever I give it too much thought, but the thought always creeps back. Am I a broken person? Is this my mind telling me something? Is my mind telling me that I want to get rid of my wife but not "lose face" in the sense of getting a divorce?
Fuck you, mind. I hate you.
Tfw you vent in the heat of the moment when you're at your most anxious and depressed, then you reread it after you've calmed down a tiny bit, and you realise that you probably overreacted but in your mind it's completely logical and rational.
>>16768144
Don't believe your fanatasies.
If we acted on every fantasy our minds would come up with...
>>16762988
All I do is sit in my house and wait for the weekend i dont talk to anyone untill thursday nights when people decide to have a drink,im beggining to feel like i am a last resort for people to contact to ask if i am coming out becouse i am unemployed and i am constantly saying i am looking for work, i feel like people dont think i am trying and i am begining to feel like i am not trying when all i want is to be like everyone else and have money and be able to start looking for someone to share this world with becouse i know nobody wants to be with someone who is unable to take them on dates to fancy places or pay insane ammounts of money for things that the other half has been wanting for a long time, But to me, Money and material things are so trivial, i would be lieing if i said buying new things made me happy becouse it does but i have gone so long without buying any kind of new things that i have lost confadince in everything, I have no motivation, every job interview i get i always start to panic and fuck up my words becouse im unable to tell people what i am good at even though i know what i am good at, Its just really getting to me and i dont know how to handle it anymore, im even beggining to think my own family is getting sick of me, I want it all to change but im not the luckiest of fellows.
TLDR
>Hit rock bottom
>No idea what to do with myself
>getting boerd of being a nobody
>Need help but dont know were to turn
>Feel like i dont have anything when i prob have allot i just cant seem to see it.
I'm not angry. But kinda bugs me that he says "I'm disappointed with you because I am not the cool guy that you like."
It's like that I'd need to accomplish his expectations... ? and that's dumb.
>>16767896
>Not socially awkward or anything
Must be some level of socially awkward or at least don't have that many conversational topics that aren't niche.
>>16767961
I don't know, but this contributes to why I've given up. I'm not interested in casual sex, I'm not interested in anything of the sort. If "love" is being uttered, I want it to be monogamous and sincere, with the intention of meaning more.
Unfortunately, I'm bi, and while I definitely see the issues in females being so free and loose, I see it even more in guys.
It seems like, these days, the word "love" is used too early. Maybe its meaning changed and I wasn't informed. Maybe people say it just so they can hear it back. But I don't think people mean it anymore. They certainly don't seem to think you should trust the person before you tell them you love them, not tell them you love them but display an inability to trust them.
I need to just find other things to focus on and not let my mind wander to this. I don't believe this is a lifetime I'm meant to find someone, I give up because it's all a matter of casual hookups and not the kind of "love" I could actually be okay with. I want to settle down with someone, but no one is going to settle down until they've had enough of their freedom. This isn't a game I'm compatible with, this isn't a time I'm compatible with. I'm meant to watch everyone else.
Thank fuck my ex doesn't read this board. I'm sick of myself and I'm sick of my mind dwelling on him or the ex that came before him. How funny that Valentine's is so close, both of them will have a good day with people important to them and I'll spend it trying not to think about my recent breakup.
>>16762988
I just want to be fucked out my mind on ecstacy all the time and go to raves.
Hardstyle/Rawstyle/Hardcore save me from everything 50 thousand people all jumping at the same time feeling that same love and appresheation for that fuckin powerful kick that fucks with your bodys chemistry and make you do nothing but smile and love everything around you and everyone around you, I want a girlfreind who is also really into hardstyle/rawstyle/Hardcore so i can go to these events and share more than just appresheation for music look into her eyes and tell her how much she means to me and actually enjoy myself.
Im a Hardcore raver and I always will be, i think that scares people.
Last night I did something I hadn't done in a very long time; I lied. I wouldn't have if my stepmom never cheated. He knew I was hiding something and I couldn't do it much longer. We had to tell him. And we did, or my sister did because I was so ashamed of lying that I was sobbing.
I told my stepmom that she'd brought it upon herself and she immediately started blaming my father for the way he's been treating her.. But he's done nothing but try harder to make her happy. She was so angry with us but I don't care anymore. This is her own fault. None of us are responsible for her actions. My father may be an asshole sometimes but he would never do anything to hurt anybody. He loves his family, and I could only imagine how his heart is breaking right now.
The worst part is, I predicted this would happen a very very long time ago. I predict a lot of things, but I never tell anyone. It's just painful to know that this could be prevented and I knew about it and I said nothing.
At least he knows now, and now they can talk about it. That is, if she doesn't pretend he's being oh so mean to her. He's going to try harder to make her happy, and she's only going to demand a divorce.
When I was a teenager, I called her a whore in my diary because I knew she was capable of doing something like this, and she read it. I once regretted it but now I don't regret it at all. I knew this would happen. fuck.
>>16768205
Maybe you should appreciate how to be literate first.
>>16768240
Sorry haha i have spelling issues i do try my best with that and i have been trying to speak more elegantly.
>>16762988
>be femanon fucking 29
>amazing gf is 23
>lives half way across the country
>spend every waking moment together online
>she's a virgin, horny as living fuck
>I'm not
>fucking libido is demanding
>sex over chat doesn't cut it for me
>anxiety/sleep/panic disorders keep me from working
>no fucking money to get her here
>we want to get married
>she's stuck in fucking college for x years
>stressful
>fucking stupid arguments but otherwise good
>fucking sleeping alone sucks
>she can't fucking skype me
I'm fucking lonely
>>16768308
If you love her as much as it comes across maker her your motivation stop posting about shit put on your big boy pants go get a job, problem solved, Good luck i belive that you can do this just keep your mind ocupied make sure you get a good nights sleep everynight and eat healthy, youll do just fine!
So last night something pretty weird happened.
I ran into a girl I haven't seen in a long while. She and I started talking and then sort of out of the blue she looked me in the eyes and said, "Do you want me to get rid of someone for you?"
Yes. Exact words. And keep in mind this is a very very girly girl, very slim and sweet-looking. She looked at me very seriously when she said this. Then she said, "Really! Is someone bothering you? Do you want me to make them go away?"
Seriously, I was floored. Because there is absolutely no reason on earth she would ask me this if she wasn't referring to you.
I'd think this even if the last time I saw her she wasn't standing with you. I know she knows you. Who else could she have been talking about?
But how could she know?
>>16768321
>get a job
you know what.
this was a bad idea.
>>16768329
I am sorry if i miss read anything but i didnt know what else to say other than some positive words i appologise if i have offended in anyway i didnt want to come across as that at all!
>>16768331
I'm sorry.
Thank you for taking the time to respond to me.
>>16768325
(cont.) Do I want you to go away?
No. You amuse me, even when you piss me off. In fact, I wish you were around more often.
>>16768332
No it is okay, tell me whats up man is there more back story or what?
How did all the anxiety and panic attacks begin to happen and what brough it on?
Dont thank me, i like to help people out as much as i can!
>>16768325
how would she do it though
>>16768337
I'm a girl but thanks... the psychological issues are a long story but mostly due to a batshit crazy old job, had to sue them even, won it this year. Three year ordeal.
Social phobia, agoraphobia, easily overwhelmed and I can get panic attacks in such situations. Stuck living with my sister (she's nice thank god). Anyways I don't socialize except on the internet, it's my world now.
Long story short me and my gf met last year and we've been stuck to eachother like glue since the moment we met.
We need each other and the strain on the relationship has shown itself a lot. We really need to be living together honestly.
I've fought for 2 years for disability income, failed. I fucking hate dealing with doctors, had way too many cases of them fucking me up or me having to explain their job to them (not even kidding).
I don't know what to do about income, if I want another 2 year fight again. I'm tech savvy and an artist, I feel like I just need some kind of job that I can do online from home.
I feel guilty wanting to marry this amazing girl with how shit my life is right now but I can't help it.
ill ask you to be my valentine even though youre my best friend
>>16768356
sart an online company website and sell your artwork or something, maybe start coding programs to build up a portfolio and go for a job like software development or if your tech savvy in the way of buildin and fixing computer problems then start tinkering with electronics and go for an enginering jobs, but having to tell people how to do there jobs is fuckin shockin i hope it all goes well for you.
(sorry i say man and dude allot its just how i speak haha didnt mean to offend)
>>16768325
Sounds like a anime
>>16768344
Didn't ask.
don't want to know.
Hey Loren,
I love you. Good Night. Sleep tight :)
The ECT coordinator called me back and I have my first ECT session on Monday! #winning
I'm really excited. I mean, a bit nervous, but mostly excited.
i want to have sex with my friend but i wont because i dont want to be a slut..my body count is 1 and i would like to keep it that way. But hes way nicer than the dude im fucking, and hes also friends with him so it would just be very weird.
tfw fucked it all up because I was too stupid and it will never be fixed
Sweetheart, we have the rest of our lives together. All these years and I still only want you. You know how I feel, so you choose. We can have it all
I've been invited to a group event with my best friend on valentines day. What should I do? I'm in love with him, though he was first a friend
I can feel myself becoming more of an unfeeling monster. It's ironic because I thought wellbutrin was supposed to increase feelings in general. Time to stop while I still have a conscious.
I hate that my ex is a manipulative idiot that knows the man I have been seeing and want a serious relationship with. He is always finding ways to get in the way and tell lies about me and try to isolate me from people, even though he's had tons of girlfriends that I never bother about. There's n way well ever get together, I don't want to and I know he doesn't really either, he's just got a big ego
I'm sad that no one cares about my thread.
>>16768617
After everything we've been through, you still stabbed me in the back. Full knowing that I was willing to help you no matter what. I've been with so many others since that, got a life, a nice job and a nice house. My life is basically complete or at least, was supposed to.
Because it isn't, because you're not here. Even after all these years you left me with a scar that will never heal. I've denied you help so many times after that, I told myself I hated you and that hate was my fuel to seek a better life. Blood, sweat and tears brought me to where I am now, and you're still living your rather poor life. Poor, but a happy one.
Now that I have everything I dreamed of, the hate subsides and leaves only a husk of my former self. The part I denied attention for oh so long. I feel nothing. You've fucked me up in more ways than you can even imagine and for that, I'll always hate you as I'll always love you.
Again so close I could almost touch it. I wish I never asked that last question. It made it so much worse. I did everything right, I didn't want to fuck it up you were so damned beautiful. Yes, you would have said yes. But someone beat me to it. Damn me for taking it slow.
This curse is taking a whole new meaning, to build me up so far and then tear me down. No longer content with just simply mashing me into the ground everytime, this time it built me up so I could suffer a greater fall.
Looks like I am right, Ragnarok will take me the day it happens, and by then I'll be too busy fighting frost giants.
So is event we have been asked to together on valentines - it's like a football tournament in the countryside, we're going..I think. I hope! Too much. Do I say nothing, spill my heart or let my mind and heart rule everything of it's own accord without my say so at all
I just want guy friends and a fun life. My friends piss me off and I wish i had different ones but nope cuz im an autist and I cant get any new friends. I rlly envy guys and I wish I was one
>>16765371
I loved it, anon :D
>>16768862
Just say when and I'll be there
i buy vintage rock shirts for the aesthetic and to impress guys. if i wear it outside the house i do research so no ones able to call me out on not liking the band. i have a feeling im definitely not the only girl who does this
>>16769789
>being this materialistic
Just sent pic related to my ex. It's been about 3 months since he left me. We still have each other on Facebook but we don't really talk. He saw it and then went offline without saying anything. I just thought it was funny (though it is true, I still miss him and I want him to take me back) but I feel I've fucked up.
>>16769810
You're a fake bitch, that's the big deal about it
>>16769810
It has nothing to do with fashion. It's more the
>to impress guys
and researching a band you don't actually like instead of just openly telling people you just like graphic design or whatever. Of course you're not the only girl who does this but that doesn't mean it's not fake and shitty. They'll find you cooler if you're honest, and it's a good talking point if they actually like the band you're currently wearing because they might want to educate you about them.
>>16769899
I'd rather be with someone who is autistic than a liar
>>16769907
good for you..literally no one cares
>>16769922
You do since you responded
Illogical and a liar
Nice mix princess
>>16769924
you must be real cool harassing random strangers on 4chan all day
why havent you killed yourself yet??
>>16769899
Sorry you're autistic then since that's literally the only reason you have for buying and wearing those shirts. Stop lying to people and stop lying to yourself. It's an incredibly stupid thing to lie about anyways.
>>16769930
>makes the conscious decision to share something where people can comment on it
>someone comments on it
>OMG IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU STOP HARASSING ME WAAAAH
Come on girl. I have faith that you're better than this.
>>16769930
If I killed myself who would harass strangers on the internet all day?
I take great pleasure in pointing out your fatal flaws and watching you squirm
>>16769933
i didn't say its only to impress guys. i actually like fashion and the aesthetic
im out. really not trying to argue with strangers yalls lives are probably pathetic enough
>>16769945
>pays a bunch of money for rare collectibles for a thing she doesn't actually like to impress the men who do
>deletes posts on a Malaysian puppet theatre forum
>calls others pathetic
hahahahahahaHA
>>16769685
>cuz im an autist and I cant get any new friends. I rlly envy guys and I wish I was one
Just look at /r9k/ and you'll see that autistic guys are in the same boat.
I'm not sure what you're friends are like, but a loser virgin autist is gonna have trouble making friends with guys because of a few issues;
>That one guy friend that turns everything into sex... His entire life is based around it... and if you aint gettin' it, you're worthless. make a valid point or try to get him to see things from another perspective? Shit, even arguing about games? Well, congrats, you lose. He'll just pull the "virgin" card and you're out.
>The white-knight. "All girls just need protecting brah, they're harmless. Seriously though, if you ever make a girl cry because you were in the same room and she thought you were creepy (it does actually happen... unfortunately) and I'll fucking murder your whole family because I'm the good guy and any guy that every causes any woman any inconvience ever is an evil bastard". The white-knight can also be the sex guy.
>The "normie" idiot. Never learns from his mistakes. Most of the time you'll have to listen to him complaining about whichever girl he got with now, even though she was obviously bitchy and gonna treat him like shit... honestly these guys are as bad as the woman who stay with abusive husbands then complain. Fuck off, you're the only one who can make the change. I aint taking the wheel on your life. sack up.
Then there's the banter... again, it really all boils down to "virgin".
Honestly, I don't even give a fuck about sex... the stigma, like it's some cursed mark of cain or some shit to be a virgin these days... that pisses me off.
So trust me lady, it doesn't matter what gender you are, you'd be fucked either way.
And don't think personality counts... that'd just make you a "nice guy" who's either acting for sex, or too much of a weak spineless people pleaser.
You wouldn't win anyway.
>>16769945
Pegasus : 10 ^ 10000000000000000000
You : 0
>>16769945
Get some reading comprehension please. You said it would be autistic to tell people you liked it for the aesthetic. That's the reason I was referring to. You also mentioned yourself you did it to impress guys and that's the part other people will see and give you shit for, but my argument was that if you like it for the aesthetic just tell people that when they question you. Lying is bad mmkay? Makes you look like a fake whore when you have a perfectly good reason for wearing the shirts that you're just not telling people about.
>>16769943
chances are you're ugly as shit and your life sucks really bad...you are a fatal flaw. i feel sorry for you
>>16769957
>a bunch of money
Are you assuming I cant afford it?? Because I can. Its my money I'll do whatever the fuck I want with it thanks
>>16769986
>im out. really not trying to argue with strangers
>im out.
>im out.
>IM OUT.
Do you ever stop lying?
>>16769986
I'm actually attractive and have a really easy life
All without compromising my integrity
Must make you angry that even after you whore yourself out people don't pay attention to you
>>16768801
Initials
I really want to ask her out.
I like her a lot and we have actually been talking semi-regularly this semester (no classes, just clubs). But I can't get over myself.
I just can't seem to be able to text her "are you free Saturday night?"
It sucks.
>>16770001
no offense but i really doubt that..you admitted you troll this site and you just like harassing random ass people. thats not exactly something attractive people with "easy lives" do.
even then Im 100% more attractive and have an even easier life.. i can guarantee this and No i will not prove it thats dangerous and stupid as fuck. I can afford to lie about liking a few bands, if that makes me fake then so what.
>>16769996
Nope i stayed for this one. shouldn't have responded at all
>>16770032
You're a stupid fat whore that is a pathological liar and feels the need to defend herself at every perceived slight
Low intelligence detected
>>16770032
>thats not exactly something attractive people with "easy lives" do.
Oh honey. You know this place is 18+ right?
>>16770010
Do it man! Be casual. Invite her to see a movie. Do something club-related maybe.
I feel empty inside but feel bad because I have no reason to
>>16770042
There's this frozen yogurt shop that's pretty popular here. You think that would be a good idea for 'casual?'
I'll never have anyone.
I thought I was fine with it, but the thought plagues me every waking moment. The knowledge a relationship is beyond my reach is tearing me apart.
And there's no help. All I get is bullshit about how there's always a chance. Sure, just like there's a chance I'll win a lottery and become rich in a day. Doesn't mean I should hold my breath in anticipation.
The probability of anyone I will come in contact with actually choosing a socially awkward, ambition-less cripple with disgusting surgical scars and face which is average at best is pretty much nil. Pretending otherwise is just pointless.
But it's the fact I can't just deal with it that bothers me. I accepted every other fact of my life. I accepted the fact I won't make any meaningful changes to society. I accepted that I won't get any of the dream jobs I used to have. I accepted that the only friends I had simply outgrew me and moved on to happy lives. But somehow this one fucking thing is just bothering me every day, every fucking night, costing me sleep. What the actual fuck.
>>16770051
Yeah. Things like that are good because you get to chill and you don't have to deal with being stuck at a restaurant and fumbling for things to say. Ice cream / coffee / yogurt and good casual dates. Think of a few topics to bring up, ask her about her major or something if you need to to keep things moving. But let the conversation flow naturally and don't sperg out on her.
