should i reconnect with my crew?
tl;dr stopped talking to my close friends for months after continually feeling im "that guy" in the group people don't seem to care about that much. Felt friends forget or excluded from events especially as they start doing more drugs and a new guy enters the picture.
i have two friends and we're close. known one for 6 and another for 8, but ive always felt like "that" guy in the group. like a second class friend. If we were on a bus trip somewhere id find them sitting next to each other and me alone because they bonded over weed. It always made me feel inferior and pathetic and really got to me as I've felt I've always been that guy. I don't have my friends and these guys are the only people I hang out with. recently a new guy got introduced to the group and i felt my status went down even lower. I've always felt my friends secretly don't like me. I've always felt most people just naturally dislike me. Keep in mind I'm not a neckbeard of some socially awkward faggot. In fact, due to my lack of friends i go on dates with a multiple women solely for companionship. It's pretty sad.
Another issue is my friends are hugely into getting fucked up and drugs. That was ok but as we've gotten older i'm getting way over this shit as this is all they ever do. I've always felt my two friends bonded very well together over smoking and drugs and this further isolated me. They'd hit each other up to smoke, do some prescriptions, drink, etc and leave me out of it. recently they took up cocaine and this new fucking guy joined them. And I started feeling more and more isolated from them, most of the time of us hanging out would be spent on the couch while they smoked weed, drank alcohol, and did a few lines, all the way into the night then they'd leave. I was tired of that shit. I started feeling incredibly lonely and disconnected as they came to do more drugs and i just sat next to them watching them get fucked up.
Eventually they started doing something to really piss me off.
about five months ago I sent a group text for all of us to hang out and found no one replying. i facetimed one of my friends who answered to find the three of them AND one of my brothers friends who isn't even in the group chat hanging out at this new guy's house. It felt terrible to be the one guy no one cared to say "hey meeting at x at 9"
This was an event that reoccurred several times, where seemingly a bunch of people would be invited and no one would bother to tell me and it really hurt because I considered these guys my bros. I got upset and brought it up and they made excuses and sincerely apologized. But here it was happening again. I tried to be cool and we shot the shit and i ask if i can come over and it gets all awkward. i say never mind smiling and laughing like its cool and hang up the phone and feel like complete shit. They didn't want me to hang out with them and didn't invite me. Maybe it was the new guy that didn't want me at his house. Whatever. This was something that happened several times in the months leading up to this event and I rage quit by blocking my two friends and this guy on all social media and texts. ever since this new guy came(who everyone fucking likes) he's been slowly replacing me and it bothered me. He's not a dick to me or anything either. Everyone seems to like him and he's just a neutral dude who you can't really have any particular opinion of. I blocked them all bc I was tired of being disrespected and that guy and blocked their phone numbers. It's been about 6 months since we've last been in contact.
Honestly just writing about this bothered me.
They either
A. dont wanna talk to you more.
B. its gonna be fucking awkward.
If i were you anon i would move forward no need to waste time on something you've given up on before.
Recently after about six months one of my friends brothers who was the only guy I didn't block shot me text and said "hey how've you been I haven't heard from you in a while"
This was a week ago and I haven't replied. It seems likely one of them told him to send me a text. I was wondering if I should go back and talk to them and try again?
I just feel really shitty being "that guy" and wish I was a little more respected and liked in the group. I'm also not into their stupid drug shit. On the other hand I literally have ZERO guy friends outside of these guys except a fwb girl I hang out with. I have a lot in common with them due to very similar background/upbringing/culture in an area where that similarity is hard to find. It sucks not having friends as I never go out to social outings or do anything other than hang out with this girl and I'm starting to feel very lonely and pathetic.
>>16616327
We're really close. As in our parents knew each other. We've all had different periods were we didn't talk to each other(including me) and eventually everyone makes up and it's back to normal.
I just wish I wasn't the odd man out in the group. I've always felt like "that guy" and it really gets to me.
One time after a period of not talking due to them pulling this shit on me one of my friends apologized and said "hey don't ignore us again man" and something along the line of how it made him sad and gave me a bro hug. It was incredibly sincere which is confusing as fuck because they alway pull this shit and I feel they don't treat me well.
>>16616327
I'm asking because one of my friends brothers texted me to ask how I was out of the blue.
Well all to all this really comes to you.
Maybe try hanging more with this "new" guy
I used to hate a guy in my group of friends It was mostly cause i dont like meeting new enviorment so i tried to accept it and it worked.
Either that dude or you should just start looking for other friends
Good luck, anon
>tfw no bros to hang out with
>>16616404
>>16616404
Why would the dude be looking for other friends? Everyone likes him.
I don't dislike him either.
I have no ill feelings towards the guy. I don't think he dislikes me and neither I do towards him.
I'm completely incapable of making friends. I've never knew how to make them. You NEED friends to make friends is the problem.
Usually it'd involve inviting a new guy to your group for an event. But I have no group.
are any anons /that guy/ in their bro group? :(
>tfw no one reads your post or gives advice
>>16616604
Have been before, kind of am one atm
Drop em.
Makes life so much easier. They'll completely forget about you and you just carry on with life and forget about them. You've got better things to worry about. Friends aren't usually forever, especially if you see yourself moving around fairly regularly like myself.
No attachments no pain.
On the other hand, I have only a handful of reliable friends and don't do any social shit at all except go have a drink once a month or so. I'm busy and broke anyway so it works for me to not have many friends.
>>16616330
It seems that you want to get back with them.
The one guy you haven't blocked, talk to him about it. Don't assume the worst, because more often than not it isn't.
I'm "that person", too. Often forgotten because I'm very quiet and mild around them. Social skills are mildly poor here.
>>16616962
I would have no qualms about it BUT, I literally have no friends. Zero. And unlike you I need to socialize in my life otherwise I feel like shit.
I just feel constantly disrespected by them and like "beta"
I constantly feel like I'm the lowest status male among them, I've always felt like this is what other treat me like.
>>16617026
That guy only contacted me because he's my friends brother. We don't really talk much or know each other.
I just want them to treat me differently and not like a second thought. I often feel excluded like I'm not part of the group.
>>16616962
Do this OP.
>>16616330
Wait so your fwb girl is a GUY????
DAFUQ?!?!
>>16616311
Dude, get a tattoo on their names in cursive on your arms and do more drugs. That will allow them you are committed and cool enough to hang out with. Good luck, anon.
I have friends like this. They four all live right next to eachother and do drugs (I dont) so I am excluded from stuff sometimes. They invite me to a ton of stuff, but there are times when they just hang out themselves.
Ways to improve situation:
1) be awesome to have around. When they'd invite me over I'd be like "ok awesome, I'm gonna get some cookout on the way, any one want anything?" Or be the one to bring some booze or whatever. This is kinda a cheap way to win people over but you can get them to subconciously enjoy having you around if by associating you with that stuff. Also just be nice, funny, and social when you're around them. If they enjoy your company, they'll invite you to more things.
2) make different friend groups. No one invites the entire group to hang out every single time. If you have several groups asking you to hang out ocassionally, then your schedule will be packed with groups asking you to hang out.
You also won't care as much about these guys, which will make them feel like you're less pathetic.
>>16617371
how do you achieve point 2?
>>16617348
>using the word allow instead of show
I used to be that guy in your situation.
I dropped contact with the group, at first I felt bad, like I was alone and they were still having fun. It was really hard to ignore them when I got that random text months later asking if I was doing alright. I ended up responding, and re-uniting with them.
Lasted about a month, then I noticed the same scenario of being left out or being the "add-on" to the group was formulating all over again. I dropped contact with them completely, and I have no felt better ever since.
Maybe such a drastic measure isn't best for you, I don't know what your situation is like, but being in any environment where you are a product of it and its not a product of you is stifling and prevents you from being the person you actually are. I look back at them now and I am embarrassed that I ever spent time with them.
>>16616311
im experiencing a similar situation anon. I just decided i will find new friends that don't need to bond over weed. Also, it's better to be alone than have shitty friends or ones that care less for you than you do for them.
