Pretentious?
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You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
i joke around with a lot of my friends when we're chilling at the bar, and the most reoccurring roast about me is that I'm extremely pretentious (I wear a shit ton of flannel and I'm a jazz pianist, what do you expect?). I always laugh and go with it, because I don't want to be the hypocrite who dishes out really offensive jokes but gets emotional when shit comes back my way. However, a friend of mine started getting pissy with me because I couldn't come to her concert, and I told her to chill and she went on a fucking frenzy. Most of it I understood was because she was angry as fuck, but the one that sort of hit home was "you're so fucking pretentious and condescending and it hurts everyone you've ever been with". It's been bothering me lately. She mentioned in there that I'm extremely discursive and that I ramble on about musicians I love and I try to use really big words all the time. Granted, I'm really socially anxious and sometimes what I think and how it's delivered conflict.
What do you think makes someone pretentious, or is the line between being smart and being pretentious? If someone is pretentious, what can help them not be so pretentious?
I thing it's pretentious to add complexity where none is needed.
Every hat should serve a purpose.
>>16613332
I think people use pretentious as a way to call someone obnoxious in a know it all way. If a lot of people call you it they probably find your personality obnoxious.
Sounds like your making a big deal out of nothing which is an extremely obnoxious trait.
>>16613338
good way of putting it. is someone who adds complexity where none is needed automatically doing something pretentious, or can it just be due to them being not that good at saying shit?
>>16613347
when i think of it being obnoxious, I would imagine myself being really defensive about the situation. i think i'm just scared of being a douche even when I don't try to be.
>>16613365
I wouldn't sweat it bro. I'd assume it's just ball busting and maybe ask a good friend what they think about you being pretentious. The girl was pissed because you going to her show was important. She wouldn't be that upset if she really thought you were a pretentious dick. You honestly seem like an alright guy so I wouldn't trip out about it. If you actually start losing friends you can worry.
People could also be jealous of you. Either way I would honestly just ask a good bro if you're pretentious and go from there.
>What do you think makes someone pretentious
The issue isnt being a jazz pianist, the issue is when you start thinking you're better than others for it, as if you were a more refined person than they are. Note that this is different from just taking pride in something.
From what you say of your friends, I'm going to guess you talk down to others about their interests and passions, even if you don't mean to.
>>16613372
thanks dude. maybe i need some reaffirmation from a trusted source.
>>16613380
idk about this but you and >>16613347
seem to think i've gotten this complaint from everyone. like i said in the beginning, most of the time it's just a fun joke when we're all kinda smacked and we all say dumb shit about each other we don't really mean. the only serious confrontation i've had about it was the concert friend. and out of all the things i do that i don't mean, i think i stay pretty respectful (i wouldn't see me talking down to others, unless me talking about my personal interests counts).
Sounds like you want the Internet to assure you that you aren't a shitty or pretentious person.
>>16613401
Jesus. OK it's not you, it's her. Is that what you want to hear?
I'm starting to discern why she said what she did. Also: you might want to consider the old saying "many a true word said in jest". Maybe your friends are trying to drop hints that you are a pretentious douche through subtle ribbing. Ever consider that, you self centred dipshit?
>>16613365
If this is normally joked about, my estimate is that your woman friend couldn't come up with anything better when she was upset with you for something unrelated, so she took something you joke about and tried to turn it into something meaningful. She was just upset, don't take what she said personal, but make up for missing her gig, as you're clearly important to her.
>>16613401
>is someone who adds complexity where none is needed automatically doing something pretentious
I would say yes, but what other people don't see the connection in, the artist will have reasons for. It might be read as pretentious by some, even if it makes sense in context and discourse.
>>16613332
Well in the nicest way.. there must be something it it or it would not have got under your skin.
That said be that you could be a smart guy.. being a smart guy can rub people up the wrong way.
Learn to be more mindful of people, everyone has ego that can be bruised. It seems you inadvertently hurt someones.. and they have struck back at you.
that said.. you know how music is. I am in a band.. and I really make the effort to get out to over peoples concerts and promote them and I sort of get hurt a little when those same people can't be fucked to come and support my shows.
really I am a super stable person.. but people saying they will come to a show and not turning up after I help them move house or record their album is about the only thing that winds me up.
anyway don't sweat it.
you sound like a nice smart guy.. but an immature ass.
You can get away with being an immature ass a little more when you are a dumb fuck.
get over it.
if you are deficient reading human emotions and feelings (or fantastic at it but indifferent to treating people differently when they are feeling them) then that is something you should work on.. because really.. that skill will take you really much further than not.
