How do I find out more about my girlfriend's guy friend she hangs out with without seeming insecure?
Hang out together. Maybe not just the three of you, but go to a social event where you'll all be. He might be a nice dude that doesn't want to bang your girlfriend, so don't jump the gun just yet.
If she avoids letting you guys meet, that's probably a red flag. Girls only assume you'll be jealous of the dudes they actually want to fuck.
>>16609062
Sound advice. You'll really want to pay attention to that last sentence OP.
>>16608991
invite him for a threesome
Details I gathered:
They met at a bar with her friend. He's coming from out of town to visit her again with her friend. So, that guy, my girlfriend, and her friend.
Dunno. Feel weird about this. I'm with family at the moment for the holidays.
>>16609177
Is her friend single? Maybe your GF is just making sure he doesn't go date rapey on her friend.
>>16609177
You should feel weird about it. A random dude who meets girls at a bar is not a real friend. The only reason he'd travel to meet them, is if he wants to fuck one or both of them. And if he's only there to fuck the friend... then why is your girlfriend going?
It'd be one thing if it was a guy she grew up with, or went to school with, or something, but come on man. This is shady as hell.
>>16609199
This is exactly how I feel.
>>16609177
Why is your girlfriend going to a bar without you?
>>16609177
>my girlfriend hits bars with her single friends, meets guys, exchanges phone numbers, stays in touch with one of them and agrees to meet him again, without me
>I don't even feel like I can talk to her about this, without "seeming insecure"
I don't want to give the standard "DUMP HER LOL" response, but this is not what a good relationship looks like. She's acting as if she's still single, and you're saying nothing about it.
How would she feel if the roles were reversed? If you went out hitting bars, meeting girls, making "friends" with them, staying in touch and meeting them in private... how would your girlfriend react? Would you really EVER consider that appropriate behavior while you're in a relationship?
Talk to her. Tell her you don't like it, and you don't want her to meet this guy. If she starts fighting back or giving you a bunch of bullshit, you've got a real problem on your hands.
>>16609197
The friend is apparently not interested.
>>16609214
He wants to meet them again and I'm out of town. Timing just sucks. Maybe I'd go if I were there.
I talked to her a bit about it. Still don't like this shit, but I don't want to be overprotective either.
>>16609177
>They met at a bar
that's not a goddamn friend OP but your replacement
>>16609362
I don't want to seem like a little bitch. While I want to ask "What if I met a girl?" That just proves I'm overreacting.
>>16609177
I feel weird about that even as a female.
Giving the benefit of the doubt, it may be that her friend wants to fuck him, and she is going to "wingman" her or make sure he's not a murderer/rapist. But even then, if I put myself in the situation, I'd never call that dude "my friend" that would imply we had regular contact, and if she has regular contact with a dude she met in a bar, that doesn't sound like something committed women do. If I was being a wingman for a friend, I'd straight up tell my boyfriend that. And probably ask you to come with me.
>>16609362
I agree with this anon whole-heartedly. She's acting single. It ain't right.
>>16609375
God damnit. Maybe I can still stop this then. Should I just say this sounds like a bad idea?
>>16609370
>and I'm out of town
how fucking convenient. This isn't being overprotective OP but tell your gf this is a no go and if she still goes she's up to something. Problem is her intent and if she really gave a shit about you and the relationship no way she would be scheduling a date. You know how fast she can ditch her gf or the gf never planned to go.
I had a married broad tell her husband she was going to the beach with her gf's and she met me and we fucked for two days. Her friends, even her own mother covered for her.
Not sure if I'm just convincing myself this was okay. Fuck... I love this girl. I hate this situation. Fuck these feels.
>>16609387
she should be the one that knows it's a bad idea, you should say you don't want your gf meeting a dude she recently met at a bar who is coming to town to see her when you are out of town. That is not unreasonable.
I just sent her this vague text to gauge a reply.
"I will be honest. I am a bit uncomfortable with you meeting a guy again you met at a bar. But, this may be more normal for you."
Fucking stressed.
>>16609397
she created this and not some random situation. She met the guy, remained in contact, arranged to met him again when you are out of town. What else do you need? For her to tell you she plans on fucking him?
>>16609403
Keep us in the loop mate.
Post results.
All right. Posting updates as this happens. She asked if not going would make me feel better.
How do I convey this was not cool from the start and why isn't she feeling bad about this to begin with. Why was this idea ever okay.
Keep us posted on what replies are etc. Sounds a bit weird to me!
>>16609403
wtf is wrong with you? she's your gf, fucking ask and stop being a pussy. Look this has already gone too far right under your nose. Either you go down knowing and letting her know you know or you go down pretending and praying she isn't going to fuck this guy. Let's see, I meet two girls in a bar, they stay in contact, I want to see the one with a bf again but she needs cover so her friend will come along but I won't travel unless I'm 100 certain I'm getting some pussy.
>>16609391
>if she really gave a shit about you and the relationship no way she would be scheduling a date
This. Anybody in your shoes would be suspicious. If she was really in this relationship 100%, she wouldn't leave you to drive yourself crazy with suspicion just so she could hang out with a "friend" she's only met once before (at a fucking bar, I mean COME ON WAKE UP DUDE).
"Trust" does not mean that you just blindly believe whatever your partner says. Building trust takes effort and sacrifice, and a big part of it is avoiding these sketchy "grey area" situations, so that your partner doesn't have to worry.
>>16609421
>Why was this idea ever okay
there is your question OP and let her tell you but do not let her act like this is innocent
>>16609421
Here's what you say:
>Do whatever you want. But if you're my girlfriend, you won't go. I would never do this to you.
>>16609432
Okay. So they have been talking for 8 months I find over texts. Yes. Met at a bar once. The three.
She said they became friends and that's it. He's not important, etc. It's okay to have guy friends isn't it?
Fuck.
>>16609433
Good response. I may consider adjusting it slightly.
>>16609437
stop it OP. They are not friends. He is a guy she met in a bar, they, not the three of them, have been taking together for 8 months and now he's gonna hook up with her while you are out of town. How long is he staying, where is he staying, is this just for a drink in a bar or a series of late nights together?
Okay. I'm trying not to act super fucking protective.
I asked her how she'd feel if the situation were reversed. She said if I was going with a friend, like her, it'd be okay.
>>16609437
it's painful how you are trying to justify what you know a girl that gave a shit about you would never do
>>16609459
dumb ass you fell right into the common trap, trying to use rationale. Stop it. Ask her to tell you exactly why she thinks this with this guy is a great idea.
>>16609459
>She said if I was going with a friend, like her, it'd be okay
bullshit, you know it and she knows it
>>16609445
I wouldn't. Everything you've posted so far suggests that you are way, way too much of a pussy about this stuff, and that is the whole reason this is happening.
You need to learn how to speak up for yourself in a relationship, say how you feel and what you want. Or you're going to be a doormat your entire fucking life. You are not being unreasonable here.
>>16609462
I just love this girl and don't want to believe this shit... That she isn't as into me as I am with her. I was going to discuss moving in when I got home... Now I don't know.
>>16609481
>don't want to believe this shit
open your eyes, all of us are warning you and for good reason
>>16609481
One of the problems here is that YOU ARE BEING A MASSIVE DRIPPING PUSSY.
If this makes you uncomfortable (which it should), you need to put your foot down and tell her not to go. Girls like a man that acts like a man.
She's disrespecting the relationship, but you're not exactly fighting for it either. You need to actually make your feelings clear and don't back down. She knows she can leave if she doesn't like it, but if you can't fucking communicate and be straightforward, your relationship is doomed whether she meets this guy or not.
>>16609508
I'm in the process now. She's crying.
>>16609459
Unfortunately, asking her to reverse the situation will just make her shrug and be like "I'd be fine with it." Because she knew what answer you were trying to make her say.
Her answer doesn't prove anything right now. She will answer what ever makes her actions justified.
>>16609519
what a cunt. I'm sorry OP, I know this is your girlfriend, but she sounds like such a selfish baby.
>>16609519
Any update?
Well, we got to the point where she said she's not going anymore. However, to bring this guy up and this meeting a day before it happens when I'm not there... She really thought this was okay. I guess she isn't ready for a relationship, though?
Can you understand I'm not satisfied no matter what? The fact that it got this far says something.
>>16609674
Absolutely. Especially considering that she tried to cry and manipulate to get her way, even when you made your feelings clear. She didn't agree because she cared about your worry, she agreed when it was clear there might be consequences if she does whatever she wants.
Honestly, if I were in your shoes, I would have trouble believing that she won't just tell you what you want to hear, go anyway, and lie about it afterwards. It's clear that she wants this guy. She's been talking to him behind your back for 8 fucking months.
I dunno, man. It's your call, but if I were you, I wouldn't be planning a future with this girl or treating this relationship like it's anything serious.
But the other posters are right, too. In future relationships, you need to demonstrate that you give a fuck, by putting your foot down about this kind of behavior much, much sooner. You both made mistakes. It happens, especially when you're young. Learn from them.
>>16609709
Man, the relationship was fine up to this point. Nothing like this happened before. It surprised me. I thought we were very close. She even has me feeling I've just ruined three people's night now, though she never said that directly.
I told her to go to sleep. I need time to think myself. I'll post more tomorrow.
>>16608991
most girls simply aren't "friends" with guys they haven't fucked or don't want to fuck.
Sorry to exacerbate your insecurity, but that's just real life.
>>16609177
"met at a bar"
"coming from out of town to visit her"
uh...
how many girls have you driven to other towns to just simply visit as friends?
>>16609362
This is your exact answer.
/thread
Tell her this shit. Ask her how she'd feel if roles were reversed.
If she complies, then she cares, she might just be a bit immature emotionally.
If she argues or makes flimsy excuses, then start looking for your exit, because this girl will never be faithful to you.
NEWSFLASH: people who are happy with the person they're with aren't out seeking attention (or rejuvinating previous 'friendships') with the opposite sex
>>16609726
Her friend and this guy can still go out. And if that's not happening anymore, it is very clear that this guy wanted to see your girlfriend.
Don't feel that way. If she stays in, you did not ruin a night, you likely prevented more bullshit than the argument caused.
>>16609745
I know the thread is long, but we talked about this for a bit.
The guy is apparently meeting another chick the day of. But, not sure why that chick isn't going with him to the bar and what she feels about him meeting two other women.
>>16609769
So this is a guy who has women all over him.
Your gf is trying to con you into being ok with her seeing him.
what are you not getting here?
It couldn't be any clearer... you're just looking for someone to tell you "Aww its ok OP, shes gunna be faithful and love you forever and ever"
That's simply not true.
There's nothing else that needs to be said, ya know?
It is what it is.
Now how are you going to react to it?
>>16609786
Yeah. We're going to talk more tomorrow. Would telling her to break off contact with him be too much?
goddamn you are all a bunch of whackos and you OP are an insecure little bitch
its too late for my advice now since you went and acted like a fag but here: do you trust your girlfriend? is she the kind of person that would go out with a guy and cheat on you? think about that and either break up with her or let her go out
IF she really is a piece of shit that wants to cheat on you she will do it anyway and you will be none the wiser
>>16609801
No. I don't think she would cheat. But, I'll repeat why it bothers me:
- She told me about this a day before it's happening
- She's meeting a guy at a bar for the second time since meeting him at a bar (before we met even) and they've become friends over the past 8 months without me even knowing. I thought I knew all of her friends
Some new info. She's 28 and he's 22. Now what the fuck.
>>16609797
see:
>>16609362
>>16609801
Right. The old "if its meant to be it will, if it isn't fuck it" theory.
You are right, and ultimately, discussions about this are just going to create drama.
But the way she is acting is not how a girl who is happy with her bf acts.
He has a right to be suspicious.
She's being shady.
...and you're right, if she wants to cheat she'll do it no matter how much interrogation or argument.
But that doesn't mean OP is in the wrong for feeling like something's up.
It's not insecure. She is being disrespectful.
>>16609814
so she's been developing an ongoing "friendship" with another man while dating you.
how could this be any clearer? I'm done.
It is perfectly normal to have friends, to meet people, to text people, to get close to them, to spend some time with your friends without your boyfriend around even if you are in a healthy, happy relationship.
If your SO is the only person you are close to, the only person you hang out with, and you have nothing you enjoy doing without them being included in it, then your life is fucked up.
I've been dating my boyfriend for 7 years. We have been living together since 4 years ago. I still see my friends alone and go to bars/holidays/parties without him. I've met a lot of new people (both guys and girls) and I text/hang out with them. He did the same. I truly love him and I enjoy my time with him more than anything else, but I am still a person, with hobbies, friends and my own life.
She's being a bit shady about this friendship, tho, and I can understand your reaction OP.
Don't ask her to cut contact with him because you'd be controlling.
You should talk to her, tomorrow when you cool off, and tell her that you wish she was more open about things: telling you her plans, telling you more about her friends, including you more in her life. Tell her that you feel uncomfortable about her having secrets and hiding things from you, not necessarily with her hanging out with other guys.
>>16608991
I'd say ask her first of all, jumping to conclusions by assuming wont help anything, be straight up and gauge her response.
>>16609814
Do some mushrooms bro.
Let it be, let it be. There be plenty moh
Bitches in da sea
>>16609853
Surely you can agree that it's necessary to be up-front and honest, though. And I think in a healthy relationship, you should at least be involved in each others' social lives, know each others' friends, even if you don't spend every moment together.
She met a guy at a bar without telling OP, carried on a "friendship" for most of a year without telling OP, arranged to meet him at a specific time when OP was not in the same city and couldn't even ask "could I come along too," and told him about it the day it was supposed to happen. And then acted like he was being unreasonable or unfair when he got suspicious.
>>16609868
I think you understand my situation best, anon. However, I think I will talk to her about being open. I'm upset this ever happened, but that can't be changed now. We'll see how it goes.
>>16609868
Of course being involved in each others' social life is important, but my friends chose to be friends with me, not with my bf, and I still make time to see them alone.
Don't get me wrong, OP's jealousy is "reasonable" in this situation: she should have told OP about the guy and about their plans, and he should talk to her about it.
About the timing - I often meet my friends when my bf is not in town because when he is here I want to be with him.
Plus, Christmas holidays - maybe he has time off because of that and he's visiting now for that reason.
>>16609884
OP here. Thank you as well for your advice. We'll definitely be talking about it more tomorrow. I think you have a healthy relationship, but as we both said... Day before notice. 8 month friendship. First time I heard about it, etc. I'll be sure to ask how long this meeting has been planned, too.
>>16609890
how long have you been together?
>>16609899
We met in April. Got together in May.
She met the guy in March.
>>16609903
Do you stay healthy? Exercise and all that? Domain your vessel anon.
>>16609890
>Day before notice. 8 month friendship. First time I heard about it
You should work on this. Learn to be open and honest about things, and share your plans as you make them, and this kind of situation will never happen again.
Also, your relationship is pretty recent so it's normal to not know everything about everyone she talks to (especially people she isn't extremely close to). Don't overthink it. I think she managed things extremely poorly, but she didn't have bad intentions.
From what you said, things were working well. Don't let a single accident ruin everything. Cool off, talk to her, and make sure she understands what she did wrong. You had every reason to get jealous and worry, but I'm sure you can make things work.
Good luck with everything, OP!
>>16609960
Yeah. In fact I really stepped it up for her.
>>16609963
Thanks again.
>>16609814
>I don't think she would cheat
Guess what? every other guy who as being cheated on thought the same.
As far as i've seen in this thread, there's red flags everywhere about your gf, she is not even considering your feelings about it, she just want make you feel guilty about all this situation, like c'mon man... 8 months? and you just know about that guy now? when he is coming to see her?! i'm sorry but i don't see a happy ending for your relationship, she is not committed to make it work like you are, she is only thinking about herself and even if you manage to make her do what you want, she will for sure do something like this again in the future.
Also, as the others anons had said, talk firmly and like a man with her, don't give her space to make excuses or put guilty on you, the way yout talk to her make you look like you are begging her to say what you want to hear, that's why she gives you so many blank answers.
>>16609983
Damn man . . . Well, I dont have an absolute decision / opinion for your situation. Sure, it could work out. . But imo it looks unlikely. If you dont like mushrooms try doing yoga with other people. Ive never done yoga. But Ive always liked creativity and sprituality. Even an "ugly" could score with a mindful qt at yoga (im guessing <hoping>) . . .
Best wishes
OP should probably just ask to watch while they fuck. He seems like hes into that sort of thing.
At least then he gets to keep loving his gf
>>16608991
dont bother, shes definitely fucking him. drop her and move on to the next one
>>16608991
women can not please men in an intellecual level only in a sexual level. you should be worry op unless that guy is gay.
I saw this thread on the 4chan front page and came here to laugh
OP is getting cucked. Top lel, she's sucking chads dick right now
>how do I tell her this isn't cool, don't do it
Maybe you could literally just say those things. Ask one of your guy friends if you can borrow some authority.
Like damn dude if she wasn't looking at other men before she is by now.
>>16608991
If he acts snarky, white knights or intimidated by you he isn't fucking her
If he's smug or indifferent to you he likely is.
