Emotional Maturity
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You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
So I like this girl who's never been in a relationship, same as me. And I'm afraid that we may come across to each other as very childish; for example, I can't help but putting her on a pedestal even though I know I shouldn't. I could go on and on about how she's my muse and how her hair is made of silk etc.
I'm scared because I feel to intensely, and this is quite the opposite of my usual aloof personality. Is there any way to work on this without being in a relationship? I'm afraid we may both be too emotional in dealing with each other, and that this will exacerbate issues or differences we may have.
if you try to fight book your strong feelings you have for her, it won't do any good imho
write poems, put her on pedestal and do whatever you want
it's better than trying to supress your feelings to appear more mature imho
Bump, would really like the advice of someone that has been in a relationship
ive been in a few relationships, a couple long ones.
just relax and do what you feel
OK, it sounds like you're in a good situation, regardless of your worries. I'm married, 2 kids, wife and I are still very much in love.
You're both experiencing a chemical dump right now- hormones are flooding your body because you're pretty excited and nervous and all, and this heightens your awareness, arousal and emotional responses- some good and bad there. Without the experience, you're feeling everything intensely, and you don't know quite how to best handle it.
The fact is that experience is the only thing that helps. Go slow, enjoy each other's company, and don't pressure yourselves to do or be or feel anything other than what you're experiencing. Ultimately, you're both going to have to accept that all these new, good things are also practice- like a kitten batting at string is practice for killing so that it can eat and live.
You don't need to put her on a pedestal- and I'd argue that that is not a good idea. You will find that she farts, makes mistakes and is deeply imperfect, and this can crush you if you have artificially inflated expectations.
She's imperfect, but she might just be perfect for you. Hell, my wife makes me completely insane sometimes, and I love her deeply- but I also know her, and know that we are more than the sum of our mistakes and successes.
You're going to enjoy most of discovering the good things about each other, and it will be valuable to learn where each other is NOT perfect and needs to grow or change. How you learn to deal with those things is how emotional maturity develops. And it's hard, and often hurtful. But these days are necessary.
>>16608328
Thanks for the advice! I guess I came across as a teenager, but I am 22 right now; my crush is 19.
I know she'll have flaws, as do I, but I am afraid that I won't be able to help her grow. I often use empty flattery whenever someone airs their flaws to me; knowing me I would simply tell her that she's great and that I don't mind. And I might not, but I don't want to come across as uncaring.
I also am afraid of not feeling worthy enough for her, despite my inflated ego (I know I have a big ego to cover up my shortcomings, but deep down I know I am nothing special).
