My boyfriend isn't the type to say sweet or sappy things like "I miss you" etc. He doesn't like cliche love songs and he hates social media PDA. Which is fair enough, I am just highlighting this to give you an idea of how he is.
I used to be very loving towards him and express things to him if either one of us went away or if I do something he loves without him, it doesn't feel the same, it feels like he should be there experiencing it with me or at least that's how I feel and so I tell him this.
The problem is that since he doesn't reciprocate the sentiment vocally, it has caused me to filter these things I used to say to him.
He now occasionally calls me cold or distant. The truth is that I love him more than I've loved anyone but I am not comfortable expressing it like I used to because he doesn't.
I am not pushing him away like he told me and I am not getting cold on him, not internally anyway, it just boils down to me feeling like an idiot if I say something like "It wasn't the same without you" and he'll reply with "well I will be there in a week" in kind of a stern way, or he will go silent.
He has never told me he missed me even though we have been apart quite a few times ranging from weeks to months.
If I tell him I miss him, he'll remind me there are x amount of days until we can be together, or something similar.
Does he... maybe not get that I am just loving on him? I am not looking for a solution to how I am feeling and I guess a bit of reciprocation would be nice too.
I already have told him this when he said I am colder towards him, but he seems to forget that it takes two to tango.
>mfw
>>16605205
Probably has a side-bitch
Saying something and expecting a static reaction is a bad habit, stop it
>>16605205
Yell at him about it. You're a woman. You can do that.
Do something nice like make him breakfast or some shit and when he doesn't reciprocate throw a fit that you are going 90 and he's only going 10 that you love him and just want to be loved back and all that shit you already told him. If he can't reciprocate and it makes u feel shitty then it probably won't work out
>>16605205
Your bf a chump.
Get with me. I get real sappy, if ya know what I mean ;^)
>>16605231
Dating her would be annoying
DO YOU MISS ME
I MISS YOU
WHY DONT YOU MISS ME
YOU LOVE ME DONT YOU
WHY WONT YOU SAY YOU MISS ME
PLEASE RESPOND
I AM HERE AND I MISS YOU
>>16605215
Aren't you a sociopath? I don't want your advice if you are that weirdo.
>>16605222
I am not going to yell at him.
But if I have told him in the past, he has told me I shouldn't expect things just because I do stuff for him. He considers it transnational, which it kind of is... but I feel like that is what keeps love alive. You have to give and take.
>>16605239
I don't care about giving you advice
Entitled little cunts like yourself always get what they deserve
>>16605239
No. That's bullshit
>you shouldn't do things and expect things in return
That's fine if you are giving a gift, but a fucking kiss or an i love you is practically meaningless and if he can't fucking provide something that simple than he's either cheating on you or fucking autistic and you wasting your time.
>im not gonna yell at him
Which is probably why you'll stay with him in this unhappy relationship wondering if there's someone better out there.
>>16605231
I love sappy guys but I am nothing like >>16605235 that.
OTT clingy behavior irritates me. I just mean, I saw a movie without him and wanted to tell him that I wished he was with me to see it and I stopped myself because he gets awkward with things like that.
Just simple things.
Another thing that annoyed me (and this is NOT his fault in any way)
I was alone with my roommate for Christmas because everyone went away, including my boyfriend. Well.. I got a card from a guy who has a thing for me a few days before Christmas and on the envelope, it says "DO NOT OPEN BEFORE CHRISTMAS" and in it was a heartfelt letter saying that he knows I am not with loved ones but I am in his thoughts etc and later got a gift delivered from him. Whereas, my boyfriend barely spoke to me on Christmas day. It just annoyed me that a random guy did this and my boyfriend didn't.
>>16605247
>Which is probably why you'll stay with him in this unhappy relationship wondering if there's someone better out there.
I know there is better out there but I loved him. He is not cheating on me but he does show signs of being a bit autistic. He has never had a girlfriend before me, only a string of ONS's and quick flings.
>>16605247
Btw, he tells me he loves me and does kiss me, he is physically affectionate but not vocally.
>>16605255
>i know there's better
>but im not leaving him
You oughtta think about the words you choose to use and what they mean.
You are at this point admitting to us and yourself that you know there is better out there for you, and you have a guy you want to change who is not willing to change for you. It sounds like an incompatibility and if it's annoying enough for you to ask a bunch of losers on an anonymous Korean comic book board than maybe you really should ask yourself why you are actually bothering with a situation you know you can do better than.
>>16605255
>He is not cheating on me but he does show signs of being a bit autistic.
Dump, you don't want to take any chances if he is on the spectrum and it gets passed down to your kids because the relationship isn't worth it.
>>16605267
Because I know there is better than me out there too but you can't help who you fall in love with. I have no doubt he loves me, I love him too and we choose to make it work with each other. I don't want to change HIM, I just want to make him understand that I am not cold or don't love him, I am just uncomfortable saying the things I used to say to him because there is no reciprocation.
>>16605272
We don't want kids.
>>16605273
>cant help who you fall in love with
To be young and naive again. If only...
>>16605274
That's a relief
>>16605205
Your boyfriend seems like an inconsiderate prick that can't into emotional reciprocation. You're right to be insulted and upset if isn't as invested in the relationship as you are. No fucking point in being in a relationship if only one person is putting in the effort.
>>16605239
>>he has told me I shouldn't expect things just because I do stuff for him
That's fucking stupid. Showing appreciation beyond just physical reciprocity for somebody's gesture of kindness is part of a relationship.
It sounds like you have an ideal notion of what you want from a relationship, and your boyfriend can't break from whatever personality defect he has to show a little appreciation beyond just obligingly fucking you.
>>16605235
Lol your going evil on us peggy
no honestly I went through the same thing this semester. In short the guy was an asshole and not worth my time. Move on and find someone who can fulfill your needs you are not a bad person for it at at all. You know what you want then go for it man.
>>16605323
I've always been
You seem pretty incompatible. Shit or get off the pot, woman. If you're dissatisfied with your relationship, either talk to him about it and make him understand your needs or break it off.
He'll probably be confused as shit, because he has no self-awareness, but you're just sitting in a relationship that's going nowhere otherwise.
>>16605369
God damn, you have to be one of the most pathetic losers on 4chan. How often do you get depressed and suicidal?
>>16605378
People saying that your relationship is doomed are stupid. Just talk to him, not to us. You're both adults (I hope), so deal with your relationship like adults. Explain your problems; look for solutions.
Overall though I kind of feel your pain. I'm not an affectionate person. I don't like expressing emotions very often, and people always take it the wrong way. In my case, it's not that I'm actually unemotional or stoic, but rather, I'm so naturally over emotional that over the years I've had to force myself to put up a wall.
Then people think that, because I don't show emotion, I'm cold, distant, and uncaring. It's frustrating, to the say the least; I hate it when people think I don't care about them.
Point being, you have to work things out -with- your partner, instead of wracking your brain trying to figure things out alone.
>>16605385
Did that strike a cord? Did I remind you of how much you hate yourself? You don't have to take it out on other people, you know.
It's okay if you can't answer.
>>16605406
I think you mean chord you dingus
>>16605385
>>16605406
>>16605412
>Post picture of bait
>Get baited yourseIf
IiteraIIy a faggot.
>>16605412
If you're afraid to answer the question, that's fine. I can pretty much guess the answer.
So, again: How much do you hate yourself? Do you ever feel suicidal?
>>16605424
It was worth the laugh
>>16605205
>"It wasn't the same without you" and he'll reply with "well I will be there in a week" in kind of a stern way, or he will go silent.
>Mfw I just got a job that requires me to be away for weeks at a time and I'm starting to do these things to my boyfriend..
Sigh...
I'm sorry he acts that way OP. I don't know him personally, but maybe he doesn't...know how to express himself in a loving way?
It's taken me years to figure things out about myself, but one thing that I'm coming to realize quite a bit recently is that I honestly don't know how to be loving and affectionate sometimes. I had a mix of parenting growing up, and at times I had a very loving grandfather who would hug me and be there for me emotionally, but for much of my early childhood I spent a lot of time clinging to my grandmother because my mother was hardly ever there. She showed me affection of course, but it began to waine as she got older and sicker and would tell me how much she wanted to die.
I've had to think long and hard on that when babysitting for my family and I wondered why I always felt so ackward around the kids when they showed me affection, and why I couldn't easily give it back.
Not everything in life is your parents fault, but it might not hurt for him to see some type of therapist or simply think on his own about why he does certain things.
Again, he may just not know how to show it, and it may help you to bring up why you act the way you do now. Try not to be blaming about it, but just put it as facts.
>>16605438
OP here, sorry I had to leave the thread for a while.
I agree with you. He has displayed intimacy issues, even in the bedroom. I will encourage him to see someone about it. I think he is afraid of being hurt or opening up. He will talk about me to others in the highest regard but never give me the satisfaction of hearing it or displaying it to me.
Thanks for all the replies.
He sounds autistic or socially retarded.
Or old fashioned. I'm like that with my girlfriend, been together 6 years, and she'll dote on me when she's apensing Christmas with her family or I'm in my home state with mine on thanksgiving.
To me it just seems unnatural and cheapening to say "I misss you, baby" or "can't wait til you're with me again" all the time. It's frankly annoying. I'm gone half a week or so. Its not like I'm sailing across the Atlantic and I wknt be heard from for months. Shit.
>>16605607
Do you feel like you miss her though?
You are the type who doesn't know what he has until it's gone. I bet she feels taken for granted.
OP is he aspergers? Sounds a lot like my bf who is.
