Ehh, I personally think it sounds like you're wasting your time on this girl. It looks like she wants to kind of reject you but feels awkward about it, so maybe she'd reject you fully after the next date or something. Also it sounds like she's kind of keeping you there as an "option" in case she doesn't find anyone better.

Look, for me, when I go on dates with a guy I know after the first couple of dates whether I like him or not. It shouldn't take her that long to suss whether the two of you have potential or not.

>>16599693
Yeah, I guessed as much. I don't really feel like attending my own funeral, so to speak, that's why I made the topic.

Thing is she'd be wasting her own time, too. Why be honest about having doubts and not go all the way and tell me it isn't gonna work out? I could handle that, too. Now I'm just confused.

There's something just sliiightly off about your mentality here... and I can't quite pinpoint what it is...

I'll just say that you can't make a relationship sprout out, and there's nothing ever that you can specifically /do/ to make one happen (or at least a healthy, long lasting one. You can definitely force terrible, short ones).

It's all just chemistry, attraction, and compatibility.


The way I interpret what she said is pretty much "I actually really like you/think you're cool/etc. as a person and wish I felt more, but I just don't feel any spark between us".


Who knows, maybe taht spark will catch, maybe there's no chance. But with that out of the way, maybe you can become good /platonic/ friends.

Sounds like she's trying to nicely blow you off. Not liking a guy that likes you after a few dates is so much guilt. Saying she has doubts and doesn't want to leave you hanging sounds like something I would say so they don't hate me and I don't hurt their feelings.

>>16599698

What that gives me the vibes of is that she wants to go on dates with you to kill time and have some fun, but she doesn't like you enough to be more serious with you. She probably doesn't have much else going on in her love life at the moment, so she wants to kind of drag it out as much as she can and exit when she knows she's either gonna have to be serious with you or quit it. Also, saying she has "doubts" doesn't mean she's being honest. I smell bullshit. I think she doesn't like you that way but she's sugarcoating it. That isn't honesty.

I dunno, it's really your choice, but that's the vibe it gives off to me. And the reason behind that is because I did that to a guy a long time ago, so the way she's acting is similar to what I did. Can't fully speak for her though.

You should have fucked, or at least kissed her. How can you not escalaye things? I bet she feels you don't like her. When you make out with a girl she relaxes.

>>16599703
>There's something just sliiightly off about your mentality here... and I can't quite pinpoint what it is...

Well, I do visit 4chan. If you do come up with a good term for what's off about me, I'd love to know.


>I'll just say that you can't make a relationship sprout out, and there's nothing ever that you can specifically /do/ to make one happen (or at least a healthy, long lasting one. You can definitely force terrible, short ones).
It's not my intention to force anything. I want to be myself when I'm on a date. If that's not gonna do it, it never was meant to happen.

>The way I interpret what she said is pretty much "I actually really like you/think you're cool/etc. as a person and wish I felt more, but I just don't feel any spark between us".
That's how I read it.

>Who knows, maybe that spark will catch, maybe there's no chance. But with that out of the way, maybe you can become good /platonic/ friends.
If the spark doesn't catch by being myself, there's nothing else I can do, right? I'm not sure if I want to be platonic friends. Most of my current friends are all connected, I'd feel weird about being friends with someone completely unrelated, especially if she rejected me. That's never worked out for me with other girls, anyway.

>>16599710
There was a really short kiss on the last date. At the time, I thought it was a good sign. Looking back, I'm not sure anymore, since it was so short to begin with.

I have this weird thing that I keep interpreting things differently the more I think about them. It's a tough life. It's possible that I should have been more forward, and that I blew it there, but that's just not me. I was angry at myself for that, at first, but ah well.

>>16599707
I dunno, from what I gathered she's looking for something serious. It's possible I can't offer her that, since I'm still studying and she's got a full-time job.

>>16599712

Yup, you're pretty much right.

I'll also say you're mentality is pretty much correct... but it also kind of sounds like you're missing a certain extra... oomph? nuance? when it comes to dating and the mentality you need to maintain.

Being yourself is a MASSIVE part of it and super critical, but there's just a tiiiiny bit more you sound like you're lacing. It sounds like you've got a nice quality base, but you're just lacking just a tad of polish to make it shiny and eye catching. Just a hint of flirting doesn't ever hurt when it comes to dating

Don't know, maybe you do all that and it's just the way that you're expressing yourself that's coming off as bland.

Is what it is though.

I'd probably go (and have) just to see if I can have fun and maybe at least gain a new friend (you can never have too many). But if there's no spark, there's just no spark, and there's nothing you can do.

>>16599733
>Being yourself is a MASSIVE part of it and super critical, but there's just a tiiiiny bit more you sound like you're lacing. It sounds like you've got a nice quality base, but you're just lacking just a tad of polish to make it shiny and eye catching. Just a hint of flirting doesn't ever hurt when it comes to dating.

That's probably it. I've been born with my own set of talents, but they're unfortunately not the shiny kind that you instantly impress people with.

It probably doesn't help that I'm pretty inexperienced when it comes to dating, too. Maybe I should've mentioned that. However this turns out, it was a learning experience.

>>16599740
>That's probably it. I've been born with my own set of talents, but they're unfortunately not the shiny kind that you instantly impress people with.

That's why it's called POLISHING them. No one starts out perfect and everyone has to start somewhere.

>It probably doesn't help that I'm pretty inexperienced when it comes to dating, too. Maybe I should've mentioned that. However this turns out, it was a learning experience.

And the way you polish them is by getting more and more experience. \

>>16599745
I think you misunderstood. I do have talents, but they're not the talents people are generally looking for.

Compare it to, dunno, being the only person in the world who can eat 50 burritos. It's impressive, but I'd much rather have a great singing voice, y'know?

Nobody goes on a date saying "Hey, btw, I can eat 50 burritos, let me show you".

>>16599747

*shrug* I can 90% of the time find the most logical and empathic pathway to "win" any argument.

Have a knack of making incredibly long chains of alterations and quick witted word play.

And can bank pool shots from behind my bank with fairly high accuracy.

All on their own, not really impressively shiny by themselves, but as a whole, all the little things end up making me be someone attractive, because I just own it.

>>16599761
What are you on about, being witty is one of the sexiest talents you could possibly have. That said, I do get what you're saying, I just have to work with what I'm given, right? This time, it doesn't seem to be enough (I wish I knew that for sure, but whatever), but it's not the end of the world.

Thank you for your insights, btw, I realized I forgot to say that.

Bumping for insight on what to actually do from this point out.

>>16599838 it's your call man, i wouldn't bother personally

>>16599838
Move on. You don't want to chase someone that doesn't want you. If she liked you she wouldn't say she had doubts. Doubts means she's not feeling it but feels bad.

>>16599891
Is there an elegant way to do that? I'm considering meeting her and telling her that in person, thanking het for her time, and leaving. Will this make her feel worse? Should I just send a text saying I've drawn my conclusions?

>>16599908

That's kind of awkward and overkill for someone you're not really close to.

You could just let it slowly fade away, or if you feel like you just want to rip the bandage off, texting her a " I really liked you, but I guess the reality is we just have no chemistry. Is what it is. But It was a pleasure to meet you. best of luck! " or whatever

>>16599926

So definitely call off the date? Now I'm having doubts myself, why can't people just say what they mean..

>>16599951

Becayse they dont want to hurt feelings; Thats all.

>>16599951

Because then people will instead complain they look like bitches/assholes.

And because very little in life is straight black or white.

Up to you. If don't think you'll have fun, call it off. That's what a date is supposed to be. You're inexperience so I'll tell you this: The number one priority on a date is to have fun. The second is to get to know them.

>>16599908
Maybe just say you enjoyed hanging out with her but thought about what she said about doubts and if you'd like to go on the date still that would be great but if you would rather just be friends you're okay with that too and would understand. Give her the option and don't make her feel bad either way.

>>16599960
I may have fun. It's just... She basically said "Not gonna happen unless you really impress me", I'm not sure I can handle the pressure or awkwardness of that. On the other hand, I've got nothing to lose.

What if I straight out asked her what she meant? I'd imagine that looks weak as fuck, but at least I'd know.

>>16599962
Sounds good except the friends part, we all know that's sugar-coating it.

I'm in a similar situation, what to do when a girl doesn't say yes or no? Should you lever her alone?

>>16599970
Haha I was absolutely sugar coating it. I don't mean you have to be friends with her it just makes everyone feel a bit less shitty. Even though you never stay friends. Good luck op.

>>16600002
Can I not sugar-coat it and still be decent about it?

>>16600036
Yeah you could leave the friends bit out but make sure not to pressure her with guilt if she doesn't want to go on the date just go with the I would understand no hard feelings etc but giving her the options and asking her straight up is the best way to stop worrying about this and not waste your time

>>16600046
Well she stated she does want to meet, asked me when I'm free, etc... It's just all so confusing.

Last bump before I go to bed. Any additional insight welcomed.

>>16599683
read this, then decide.

http://markmanson.net/fuck-yes

>>16601094
Interesting read, thank you.
It's obviously a no, but I'm still torn on how to handle it the best I can. I shouldn't have agreed to meet her after the whole "I have doubts" thing, in hindsight. It was stupid.

>>16601094
Forgot to add:

>Fuck Yes or No doesn’t necessarily mean you have to be falling in knee-wobbling love at first sight. It doesn’t even mean you have be completely convinced that someone is right for you. You can be “Fuck Yes” about getting to know someone better. You can be “Fuck Yes” about seeing someone again because you think there’s something there. You can be “Fuck Yes” about giving things a few months to pan out and see if you can fix the problems in the relationship.

This too confuses me even more.

>>16601122

The first time I saw Star Wars, a new hope, I remember being so glued to the screen that I was inhaling banta poop. By the time I got home, I had a light saber and could tell you all about the force. It was a fuck yes.

When I saw a phantom menace? It was, for a million reasons a fuck no.

For me, both Revenge of the Sith, and Return of the Jedi lay somewhere in between. If those movies were women, I wouldn't marry either of them, but I'd be reluctant to kick them out of bed right away either. I'd want to see if I could fix them.

>>16601146
But I am the movie in this scenario, not the audience.

>>16599683
Have one date and at the end ask for one kiss and see if it sorts out the doubts, it certainly will if yous end up having the kiss

>>16601435
>ask for one kiss

Wtf? People do that?