>>16599378
Had very similar problems. It only got worst.

But maybe it's not as it seems. You'll have to wait it out a while longer to be able to tell

>>16599392
How similar? Did you have a lover who went and saw your parents instead of you?

Should I expect that her uncertainty about being intimate with me during x-mas break was just her being busy with preparations before the holidays, and this stocking a sign that she's... I don't even know.

What does it mean?

You definitely aren't communicating shit with her, why are you hesitant to tell her that spending the holidays together means a lot to you?

>>16599415
Oh, she knows.

>>16599405
Yes she did. She later claimed she didn't love me anymore and ran off with some dude she met a week before and got pregnant a few months later (we were engaged and had been together for around 5 years and it our relationship slowly deteriorated)

I honestly don't know what to tell you bro, I'm still hurt and confused.

>>16599419
Yeah, I got a feeling she fucked someone on her trip. Not that it matters, we're not exclusive, I fucked another woman two days ago. It should change what we got going, and it's a shame if she doesn't want to come over. I don't live her any less because I occasionally see other women. We ended things with an agreement about going no contact a year ago, because she was going backpacking half way around the world for six months. During that time she met a new boyfriend, and I dated a single mom for two months. She came back with her new boyfriend, but broke up with him less than three months later, and three weeks later she reached out to me and came running.

I don't see any reason why she should continue to do this on and off bullshit, because it should be evident by now that we won't ever quit. We never argue, or anything. But it's stupid that she can't come clean to her friends and family that we still got things going. I'm a likeable guy, the reason they hate me is because they wrongfully blamed me for her depression and panic attacks, that she used to have three years ago. I was supportive as all hell, but because of her avoidancy to family issues, she could never face up to them and tell them they were wrong about me.

I know this is temporarily, and that it's very possible she's going to meet someone new when she moves to a new country, but at the same time she tells me her love for me is unending and forever, so why not just revel in it as long as where in the same area?

If she cut it cold, I would understand, but being hesitant about being intimate, but at the same time seeing my parents and giving me a Christmas stocking seem like conflicting behaviour.

>>16599437
I meant to write "It shouldn't change what we got going..."

Blah, forgive my autocorrection.
love*
we're*

>>16599419
That sucks btw. Did you get any closure at all?

>>16599445
Not really, she came over once to try and talk to me, made me cry and I asked her to leave, then we talked very briefly a couple times after.

She has tried to reach out to me but I've basically erased her from my life. Not sure if that's healthy, but you have to cope some how

>>16599445
On top of all that, I later found out she cheated on me on my birthday the last year we were together

>>16599456
I would cope just fine. I already cut her out a year ago. During the summer I had reduced my love for her to a curiosity, and tbqh thought I wasn't going to see her again. When she reached out, I said fuck it and went over to her house to fuck her brains out. Our sex is so incredibly mindblowing, I'd rather have a bit of hazzle for a few months, than to avoid her. But at the same time I feel like this kind of behaviour is unneccesary. We could just be honest with each other, instead of sneaking around and oscillating between being distant and totally encapsulated in love. We both acknowledge that our bond is borderline spiritual, and it doesn't really matter whether I see her. But I'd prefer if it was either on or off until she moves.

We're both artists, and we've been planning an exhibition together at the end of January. If she's going to be distant, I don't see how that's going to happen. I told her before her most recent trip that the exhibition depends on what we experience together before that.

If she don't want to any more, I'll cope, but I'm not going to be just friends.

>>16599460
Yeah, my bird has never been exclusive, but told me she was (apart from one year we were living together - we've also been LDR before and after that - we started our relationship as open, because she was studying in another country when we met) After the first time she slept with someone since we were living together, we haven't been monogamous. There's no point. We're both too sexual, and she travels and moves around all the fucking time. Doesn't matter.

ya dude, fucking call her and tell her that shit isnt cool....
I would definitely not like my boyfriend going to see my family and not telling me or not seeing me instead

i dunno, sounds pretty shitty and if you dont like it then definitely tell her and ask her whats up

>>16599496
I know, I mean if she actually was my GF, it kind of could be cute, but she's my non-monogamous, non-committed secret-from-her-family lover. I was planning on buying her a christmas gift, but since she said she "didn't want to commit to sleeping over at my place, because she didn't what she felt about it", I didn't bother. She wants to be distant, fine, but thendon't go to visit my fucking parents for two hours and giving my mom a christmas stocking that she had to promise to keep a secret until this morning, and not even tell me she was here.

Somethings utterly off with this whole situation.

OP here again. I feel like I'm being forced into sending her a thank you and a Christmas wish, but I also feel like it would just be forced. Year after year during Christmas she makes sure there's distance between us, still she claims we belong together. She's such a mindfuck to deal with sometimes, and I had hoped I didn't have to deal with any bullshit this Christmas.

If I don't send her a text, she won't like it and might just distance herself even more, if I do send her a text I won't be honest with my self, and feel like she's winning in some made up control game.

What would you do? How would you respond via text in order to be truthful but not ruin Christmas for her?

Are you really 32? Your partner is supposed to make you a better person not a worse one. Just move on from this train wreck.

>>16599694
I was expecting this. I turn 32 i January.
She's not my partner though. Not officially, not exclusively. We both see other people. And she's quite immature, I'll admit. She's 29, but was late in maturing, doing things in her late twenties that most people do in their early twenties. Backpacking, getting piercings and tatoos. Discovering herself. Fair enough, I got as open a mind as I think is healthy for anyone to have, but in terms of commitment and stability, it's getting stupid. She is talking about wanting kids, and I'm her obvious candidate, but she needs to get her act together.

I wouldn't be this frustrated if she acted like this when I first met her, as she was 23 then, but it's been more than five years, and we already broke up and reconciled enough times that we shouldn't be moving behind each other's and our friends' and families' backs.

It fucking starts to annoys me, since I didn't really ask for this. I was fine with just fucking her again, but when she reaches out to my family, that's something else. She should either just leave me the fuck alone, or propose already. In February I sent her a long email, as a response to a long whatsapp she sent me (breaching the agreement we had about no contact,) telling me she loves me still, that she's never fallen for anyone like she fell for me, and that her heart belonged to me since the first night we met, blah blah blah. I basically wrote her that it's all or nothing. I already went through enough nerve wrecking years, but I can't shake the affection I got for her, it feels timeless.

You're right though. It would be real nice to just meet a normal woman.
Then again, I'm an artist, I'm not really up for becoming monogamous just like that, I can't promise I'll stay in this or that city for decades at a time, so I guess the type of women I'm interested in aren't exactly your girl next door ready to settle down.

>>16599686
First off, take your balls off the mantle, second, this girl is stringing you along because she trusts you and doesnt want to lose her emotional support line but still wants to chill with random dudes. She knows she can pull this crap with you because you wont man up and put your foot down with her. Don't reply to her, if she gets mad and distances herself, so what?! You lose a headache for awhile till she comesback running like she did the first time or she won't because shes leaving the country. You're too old to be playing these games dude, move on.

>>16599889
You're right, but not about not putting my foot down. I've done that every time something's bothering me since we last started seeing each other again. Her reaction is to close off, 'cause she's not really used to that. I used to be total beta underdog with her, but I've woken up in the last year and a healf, and the only thing I don't like about having to do it, is that I probably won't sleep with her during christmas break, which is a shame, but I got at least one other option, looking at a few others. It's just that nothing compares when it comes to connection and physical compatibility.

I'll just ignore it for now. It's been hours since I got her stocking, and she hasn't asked about it.

Thanks guys, I think I'm good.