So I've been going out with this girl for about half a year now, things are going really well and it feels like we're an amazingly good match.
However, she recently mentioned she had a fuck buddy, and if it were ok with me, she'd like to keep that relationship alongside ours.
I don't really know how I feel. I want to say sex aint nothing but sex, yet there's still a feeling of anxiety when I think about her also fucking someone else. Like our relationship suddenly isn't as important, or that I'm slightly less important to her. I can't quite place the feeling, but it is a little uncomfortable. Moreover, she had a fuck buddy which is available to her, but I don't, which feels sort of unfair.
Anyone know how to feel about these feels? Does anyone have experience with sexually open relationships? I'd appreciate any thoughts you have on the matter.
Man just dump her now, because if she's that kind of person the relationship isn't going to last.
>>16587440
what the fuck, this has to be bait, don't be a damn cuck OP
>>16587458
>>16587454
Thought I'd be getting replies like this. You guys seem very insecure about sex and that is fine, but come on, try to give better advice than just gut reactions.
Lots of people have open relationships. People I know have had them. Some have worked, some not. Just like regular relationships. Not gonna dump her because I feel a little uneasy about this when we have so much of worth in our relationship.
>>16587508
What a fucking cuck lol
KEKOLD
U E
C K
KEK
O
L
D
>>16587440
Just dump her you fucking dumbass.
>>16587508
try it out, OP. you might find it has no effect on the relationship
>>16587508
OP, sex is a very intimate thing. I don't think she could be having sex with someone and still love you the same way. But who knows, it might work.
>>16587548
this was her
>men in 2015 almost 2016
>actually weighing the possibility of letting their gf fuck another dude
it's over boyos
>>16587555
false
OP, she doesn't value your relationship and is more or less calling sex with you bad... listen to us, a relationship is meant to be with a person who sees you as an equal, who would treat you as you treat them.. she sees you as a meal ticket, nothing more, probably a lot less.. She's using you. Why have a relationship AND still screw someone else? Why not just become a fuck buddy like this other guy? Why are you liking up his mess op? Why? Grow up and move on please, for the sake of all of us
Unlike most everyone else in here, I got no problem with this, as long as you consider the relationship for what it is. If she keeps her fwb, you should be able to date other women besides her. Non-monogamous relationships are more common than people like to admit, mostly because the overwhelming amount of non-monogamy caused by one-sides consent (one partner doesn't know the other person is sleeping with someone else.)
I say I'd rather be redpill and appreciate that monogamy is a quite recent idea invented by the church to keep the peoples in conformity, and built up by Disney/Hollywood, but in reality is not how human beings were supposed to live.
The real question is are you up for it? Will you manage to date other women besides the one you love, and actually fuck them. Because if you go for long stretches without fucking anyone, whilst your SO suck some other dude off at a regular basis, that it will eat at you, and you will end up feeling like a fucking cuck and regret everything.
>tl;dr do it, but only if you make a promise to yourself that you will fuck other women (doesn't matter how many) on at least a semi-regular basis, and stick to it.
>>16587440
Cuck
If you have any respect for yourself, wgich she clearly doesn't, you will leave her.
But we both know you wont, you pussy.
>>16587440
>>16587508
>OP feels uneasy about a shitty situation
>People tell him the situation is shit
>Insults those who tell him his situation is shit
Go home people, this is bait.
>>16587643
What I hope this fag is trying to say is she better be just a fuck buddy for you because you need to be a player too for it to work. If he isn't saying that, THEN he's retarded.
>>16587508
You sound australian with that level of shitposting mate.
>>16587643
>Non-monogamous relationships are more common than people like to admit, mostly because the overwhelming amount of non-monogamy caused by one-sides consent (one partner doesn't know the other person is sleeping with someone else.)
You mean cheating?
Does she bang you yet?
>>16587440
>I don't really know how I feel. I want to say sex aint nothing but sex, yet there's still a feeling of anxiety when I think about her also fucking someone else. Like our relationship suddenly isn't as important, or that I'm slightly less important to her. I can't quite place the feeling, but it is a little uncomfortable. Moreover, she had a fuck buddy which is available to her, but I don't, which feels sort of unfair.
All of this is normal. Do not force yourself to accept this when you know you are not wired for this; that way lies madness.
Give it to her straight: you need to be exclusive, and if she needs to not be then this relationship just isn't going to work out. There are some incompatibilities that cannot be gotten past.
>>16587685
Genius/10
>>16587691
Excellent point.
Dear god, OP, please say yes.
>>16587676
Not exactly. It's entirely possible to have deep affection and real love for someone who isn't your exclusive partner. It doesn't have to be, and if that live is diluted by sexual relationships you got with others, them there wasn't much real love there to begin with.
My point stands, do not let her out-fuck you too much, OP. This is for your own well being, and isn't a condemnation of her promiscuity. This, or become at ease with actually being a cuck. I wouldn't recommend it, though. That shit will drive a man from his senses.
>>16587440
Fuck that, dude. Why does she need a fuck buddy? All that says is because you aren't good enough in bed or you don't shower her in enough gifts, so she needs a backup on occasion. A second boyfriend in other words.
>>16587508
Lots of people have open relationships, yeah. But MOST people would not really be comfortable allowing their girlfriend/wife to be with other men. It's just the way we're wired, biologically and emotionally. From the way you're talking, it sounds like in this respect, you're part of the "most" rather than part of the "some."
So yeah, you feel bad that this has been going on, you feel bad that she wants to keep doing this, and while I'm not judging her, I think she's clearly demonstrating that she cares more about keeping her fuck buddy than she does about hurting your feelings. If I were in your shoes, I would decide to be alone rather than to be with someone who made me feel like that.
Guys who have open relationships are guys who also WANT to pursue sex outside the relationship, and are naturally comfortable with this sort of thing. It doesn't sound like that's you. You can try to ignore your feelings, but that's just gonna make you miserable. You can demand monogamy from her, but that's just gonna make her miserable. It's just a fundamental incompatibility.
>>16587440
> I want to say sex aint nothing but sex, yet there's still a feeling of anxiety when I think about her also fucking someone else. Like our relationship suddenly isn't as important, or that I'm slightly less important to her.
That's how you feel dude. I won't talk shit about non-monogamous relationships because everyone's preferences are different and I honestly don't give a shit what other people do with their lives but all I know is that if you're not feeling it, don't force it.
If this girl is worth the trouble then maybe consider trying it out, seeing how it plays out in the long run, but there's nothing wrong with not being cool with it. Some people are, you aren't. Trust your gut.
1. If you don't have your own fuck buddy, leave.
2. If you aren't having sex with her anymore, leave.
That's it
>>16587643
This saved me writing a reply. This is a good answer but your SO should help you find a FB, one that she's comfortable with you having sex with.
Unless you're both getting equal attention from outsiders it won't last. She should stop seeing the FB until you have yours. That's incentive for her to help you.
You've been going out with a girl for half a year and in that time she's been regularly fucking another dude?
I'd have dumped her immediately upon knowing that she'd been sleeping with someone else whilst seeing me.
For her to even try and act casual about it whilst asking if it were okay to keep fucking the guy she's been fucking behind my back is laughable. Dude please ask yourself "Would I do this to a girl I was seeing?" and "How do I think she'd probably react?" "If she were angry and upset would she be in the right to feel that way?"
>>16588290
Not everyone settles for the first thing that drops in their lap. It's totally normal to date more than one person at a time, so if they never had a talk about exclusivity, OP was just assuming they were monogamous. That's no fault of hers.
>>16587619
>>16587691
>>16587712
>>16587728
>>16588290
We have been exclusive to each other, emotionally and sexually, since we started seeing eachother.
We've had great sex since early on in our relationship. I'm the first guy that actually made her cum from sex. I wouldn't say that makes me a bad lover, I could be the best she's had.
>>16587440
>this literal cucklord
>>16587643
>>16587705
>>16587727
>>16587730
Thanks a lot guys. You're helping me understand my own feelings here, which is much fucking appreciated. Honestly, every time I think about this I just feel bad and stop thinking about it, without making any progress.
I feel I have to talk to her and explain some of my thoughts. I think chances are she won't push it any further as she sees how it's affecting me emotionally.
>>16588872
She never fucked anyone else whilst we were together. They're fuck buddies since way before I came into her life and made it all nice and stuff.
>>16587643
this, do yourself a favour and don't listen to people shoving the "relationships-must-be-monogamous-bullshit" down your throat.
>>16588862
If you do decide to keep the relationship, make sure to have a set of rules that both of you are confident you can adhere to - for example only one fwb on the side or whatever.
The only people I've seen in open relationships are :
fat/gross/ugly
or
mentally unstable
or
whores
you should probably just say yes, OP, because there is zero chance you and your SO are good looking and well-adjusted people.
>>16587440
Tell her no. If she tries to insist or pusj you to say yes, then end it immediately. If she isnt willing to stop having sex with someone else then obviously she wasnt serious about your relationship to begin with
>>16587675
Yeah, shit tier bait per say
He knows /adv/ hate cucks, then he made a thread to trigger those guys like always.
Lets go guys, nothing to do here.
Depends on you. Some people would be into it, as some aren't into monogamous relationships. Some wouldn't be able to live with it, myself e.g. I was seeing a guy who I was heart-crushingly in love with, he mentioned that he didn't believe in monogamy - it made me nauseous and I had to break up with him. It hurt so fucking much, still does, but I ultimately knew it would hurt even more to be committed fully to someone I wasn't enough for; even the suggestion would be enough to make me feel terrible and break off the relationship. Again, this is just my experience - when I'm in love, I don't even find 10/10 underwear models attractive when I'm in love, but I have some friends whom could work with the fuckbuddy-stuff.
>>16588949
Thanks for sharing, friend.
>it would hurt even more to be committed fully to someone I'm not enough for.
The feels. I wouldn't say that's exactly how I view it but still, the fucking feels.
I think in our situation it's more like we are enough for eachother and we do fill eachothers needs, but she (and I sometimes do too) feels it would be fun to fuck someone else too once in a while.
I understand this, again, I feel it too sometimes. Still, it makes me feel uneasy. It feels unfair. I don't have a fuck buddy of my own. I wouldn't know how to get one.
I also feel like, is this thing worth it? Is it worth the potential heartache, for the little thrill we would get out of it?
>>16588980
I remember reading an opposite situation somewhere.
Basically the guy had a stable fuck buddy and the girl didn't, but she felt she HAD to to see other people because the situation didn't scale properly; she ended up getting raped and eventually gave up finding a fwb.
Not saying you're gonna get raped or anything, but basically it means you're going to feel inadequate or missing out for being in an open relationship but other the other person is getting returns.
This is definitely gonna fuck with your head, the advice they gave the other guy was to close the relationship, because the situation only causes instability, not security or comfort.
You shouldn't accept this unless you have something lined up...and you know what? The odds are if she saw you with a very pretty girl there would be really high odds that she wouldn't want an open relationship anymore, she most likely feels safe to make this request since you have nothing lined up.
Well if you are able to function in an open relationship then you need to get a fuck buddy as well.
But since you feel anxious about it you might not be cut out for it.
Propose this: You get a fuck buddy and then she can continue on seeing hers. If you still feel shitty even tho you too have other women then you're not cut out for an open relationship and tell her you can't do that and THEN it comes down to breaking up or not.
Propose this little test to her.
>>16589028
Then he can propose that she doesn't call on her fuck buddy until he gets one too?
>>16587440
>Anyone know how to feel about these feels?
I see it's time for this video again.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7nqcgUDoV_M
You're obviously not comfortable, so just tell her no.
>>16589037
That would be my suggestion/advice if the OP wants to have an open relationship.
But I get the nagging feeling the OP doesn't want an open relationship, he wants to know how to feel with his gf requesting one. He might be afraid she'll break up with him if he said no.
Do you want an open relationship OP? Listen to your gut. Do you genuinely want to fuck other women, or do you just want to say yes to please your girl?
>>16587508
OP since you are so goddamn smart and enlightened I don't understand why you are even here or why you aren't able to control your own emotions which might be telling you something.
OP, fine astute members of /adv/ gather round and let me regale you with a tale.
The year was 2010, I was 25. I had just ended a relationship that spanned 7 years (reasoning not pertinent) highschool sweet hearts and the like.
I met a girl when out at a club with a few close friends, I was still sore from the previous break up, not because it ended bad, but because I had poured everything into it. After around 5 bourbon and cokes, I opened up to this attractive stranger. To my surprise it didn't scare her off, it actually brought us closer. We went back to hers that night, stumbled around and ended up in her room mates bed. I woke up the next morning, hung over, but happy.
Fast track 3 months, still seeing the same girl, although we had never really made it official. I decided it was time to such a thing and to my surprise, she was of the same mind set. We decided to set aside a day where we more or less just spoke. Everything was to be brought to the table, no matter the secret, it was to be made known. This is when the knowledge of her fuck buddy reared its ugly head. I was taken back, although I became accepting of it. She saw him as more of a comfort thing and was hesitant to break off that arrangement. So we worked out some rules and off we started, an open relationship. Soon enough I found a girl who became my fuck buddy. ANNNNNNNNND it all went downhill...
My partner started to wean off her fuck buddy without my knowledge, she was emotionally dispatched from him, I was now her comfort and she wanted to close off the relationship. This didn't sit well with me as it was her fuck buddy that had made this all possible, why should I stop?
We started being intimate less, then slowly we broke up. On the bright side, my fuck buddy is now my wife.
Whilst it may be possible, its a lot of work and it needs to be fair both ways, if either of you can't handle it, end it.
On paper, the idea of open relationships and fuckbuddies is a win/win for everyone involved.
But you have to take in account how different are the dating scenes for women and men.
For women, the only restriction there is between her fucking or not fucking a guy is her
willingness to open her legs. Women don't have to effort to get laid and just wait to be asked upon.
For men however, the paronama is completely different.
Men are supposed to initiate, pay for drinks, dates, be charming and wanted. In other words,
work to get what he wants.
Taking this on account, what open relationships really mean for women is fucking whoever gives her
attention without feeling bad about it and having always a backup guy there supporting her. Literally
nothing to lose.
For men it means they should spend more time and money trying to hookup.
Even in the "best" case scenario, where men can get laid as easily as women, the concept of open
relationships turns meaningless as the only reason someone would even get in a relationship in the
first place is because the want to settle down.
