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ITT: Ask the opposite gender anything
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You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice

Thread replies: 255
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Before you post a question, check here to see if it's already been answered
Keep your questions short and sweet for more answers.
And please no derailing arguments.

Avoid asking these common questions:

>Is it normal for me to go to a club/bar by myself?
Yes. Stop overthinking this.

>Do girls/guys like <insert specific look>?
Some do, some don't.

>I'm shy and afraid of people/rejection. What do I do?
Think positive, and get over it by practicing and exposing yourself to it.

>I like someone. What do I do?
Ask them out.

>How can I tell if someone likes me?
Ask them out.

>Where do I meet girls/guys?
Anywhere outside. Or online.

>Is my body part big/small enough?
>Am I short/tall enough?
Most likely

>Someone did something insignificant. What does it mean?
Nothing significant. Stop overthinking it.

>XYZ happened. Did I fuck it up with this guy/girl?
Maybe, maybe not. We're not in their head, we don't know. No amount of your walls of text will fix that.

>This person did something that hurt my feelings. Why do guys/girls do this?
Because shit people are shit people. It's not a gendered thing

>Would you date a virgin?
As long as they aren't insecure about it. Complexes are a total turn-off.

>Someone has made it abundantly clear they're no longer interested in me. Do I still have a chance?
No

>Where do I go on a first (or subsequent) date?
Pick one or more of the following: coffee, lunch, dinner, drinks, ice cream, movies, zoo, aquarium, museum, art gallery, <activity in your city>

>That one guy who keeps asking about cuddling in platonic friendships
No one wants to cuddle you. Stop asking

>Brandon or Female Brandon
Piss off.

>Frog
Also piss off.
>>
Girls, why do none of you study computer science?
>>
This is not the first time I post this question. I really want to see my wife's sister naked. Preferably her showing me, rather than getting a creep shot. How can I go about doing that without messing up relationships?
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>>16586411
I study cs. I even do freelance work and code for an open source game.

my best friend is also female and a programmer
>>
I want to propose to my girlfriend of two years. Where do I do it? I had the idea of walking into where she works (a clothing store) and propose then, it'd be nice because all of her friends can gush over it and be a part of it. At the same time, that's putting her on the spot. Big time. Any thoughts?

I'd say the chances of her saying yes approach 100%, I just don't want to ruin the moment if it's an inappropriate place.
>>
Who do women hang around gay guys so much. Nothings worse than try to flirt when a gay guy shows up.
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>>16586411
I do. We do. It's awesome and we're way better than the dudes we study with.

>>16586499
You don't.

>>16586533
Does she like surprises and for people to be involved in an event like that? I'd prefer somewhere private and romantic, but you know your girlfriend way better than we do.
>>
I've been in a relationship for four months. We're exclusive. An old flame is in town and asked me to dinner _in a strictly non-date way, just as friends_. My girlfriend is 100% against it. Is she in the wrong or am I?
>>
Girls if you do some activity as a hobby, like say a sport or an art class, would it be a good idea for a guy who's interested in you to join it too?
>>
>>16586499
No. Just stop before your wife sees you looking at her sister a certain way and ditches your stupid ass.

>>16586533
I'm usually pretty vocal about never wanting to be proposed to in public. Try to remember if she's ever mentioned anything about it. Maybe ways she'd like it done or others peoples engagements and what she said about them. If nothing then go with your gut you've been with her two years you should know if she is a big romantic public gesture kind of girl or more private with relationship stuff. Good luck!! Hope she says yes :)

>>16586534
They make excellent wingmen. They are usually hilarious and over the top personalities so always fun.

>>16586537
Fellow lady cs major <3 yes we are awesome.
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>>16586542
She's right in the sense that a one-on-one personal dinner with another woman is inappropriate. She's wrong in being 100% against it. There's a way to make it work: bring your girlfriend along.
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>>16586542
How would you feel about her going out to dinner with an ex hook up/old flame?
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>>16586537
>>16586549

She's timid, I know she'll hate it, but I know she's extremely close to her friends. I don't know if doing it in public outweighs the fact she can revel with her friends. She's never mentioned how she'd like to be proposed to other than it being casual (no theatrics).
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>>16586542

Reverse this question and ask yourself how comfortable you'd be if one of HER old flames (who might still have a thing for her) came in to town and asked her out to dinner, "just as friends".

The polite/smart thing to do would have been to ask your girlfriend along.
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>>16586555
>>16586556
>>16586564

Well, a little backstory: this girl was a very good friend in highschool and I never had a thing for her (still don't). She moved away for college and travels a lot and is in town next week and wants to get together. I don't know if she likes me, and I made it clear to her I'm in a relationship but she's still game for dinner. We're friends: I can't hang out with my female friends anymore? :(
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>>16586562
But she can celebrate with them after. You could offer to host a girls night after she says yes and then tell them all together. So she gets a more private comfortable proposal but still gets to share it in a special way with her close friends.
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>>16586572
You can't have one-on-one personal dinners with women anymore. Notice how that doesn't include anything about history, feelings or platonic relationships.
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Is it bad for a man to not be sexually aggressive and prudish? I have a problem with intimacy stemming from a violent relationship in the past.
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>>16586572
How is she an old flame then?

You didn't say a friend from high school you said an old flame which implies someone you hooked up with at one point. That's very different from a platonic friend.
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>>16586572

Sure you can--if that's all she was--but that's not the case. A one on one dinner with a "former flame" is just asking for trouble.
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>>16586582

Well, I know she liked me back then but I didn't reciprocate. Maybe I'm her old flame.
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>>16586580
It's bad if the women you pursue expect you to be forward. In more general terms, it's bad if you have mental issues which keep you from going after what you want.
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>>16586590

Oh, it's not a mental issue. I'm over it, but I guess residual reservations die hard. I'd never initiate sexual contact.
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>>16586549
How do gay guys make good wingmen. Its a pretty big turnoff
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>>16586589
Okay so a guy that used to like your girlfriend comes back to town and asks her to dinner alone. Would you be okay with it?
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>>16586594
It's not an issue but you called it a problem? I'm sorry but let's be realistic about how much help you're willing to accept here. We're already playing the semantics game.
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>>16586534
>Who do women hang around gay guys so much

>>16586549
>They make excellent wingmen. They are usually hilarious and over the top personalities so always fun.

That's a bit of stereotyping there (I know tons of gay guys that haven't even the slightest bit of flamboyant), but I can attest to the first and say the same thing is also true in reverse.

I'm a straight male, and my best friend is a gay female, and when we were single we'd play wingman for eachother all the time.

Having an opposite gender friend makes us look more approachable. We'd help entertain other friends while the other talks to the person they're interested in. And we also have the ability to use each other to bail one another out if we've got attention of someone we're not interested in (Not just with women either, I've played the boyfriend a few times because some guys in particular seem to see her being gay as a "challenge").

It's also nice just having an opposite gender friend, gay or straight, it's more potential advice insight in to a world than you would normally get.
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Girls: what would you consider a good gift in a first date?
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>>16586669
Any gift is fine. They're all equally good at communicating how inexperienced and socially clueless you are so that she can run away before you turn into a smothering clinger.
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Anyone:
What does the inside of a vagina feel like?

I mean, is it smooth or is there some sort of texture?
>>
To both:
What was your best first date? What did you do, where did you go?
And if the first date went okay do you kiss at the end?
>>
>>16586623
I wouldn't call it stereotyping. I lived/worked in a gay community and I was answering why I hung out with gay men. I'm not saying all gay men are this way, I'm saying I hung out with gay men because they were like this. It wasn't meant to be offensive.

But yeah they are great wingman because they have a better reading on the opposite sex. Especially when we tend to over think things men are usually much more to the point with a simple explanation.
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>>16586676
Well, damn. I was hoping to use Christmas as an excuse...

>>16586679
>I mean, is it smooth or is there some sort of texture?
It's soft. Funny, it reminds me something between mayo and beef...
The big thing is the smell, though. Not only from the vagina, but the whole woman. It's amazing.
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>>16586679
Like the inside of your cheek, but with texture.

>>16586682
Movie and dinner. I don't deny that "movies make shitty first dates" is good advice for beginners. But once you know what you're doing, you can make a great time of any date. It just takes knowing how to make a great time in someone's company. And yes, I generally kiss at the end of dates. There was either enough attraction at the start to make that happen or it never had a chance.
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>>16586686
That's somehow even worse. Not only are you broadcasting your cluelessness but you're putting her in an awkward position. "Here's a Christmas gift. I'm sure you didn't think to get one for me so enjoy feeling bad about that." I'm not sure you could fuck this up any more. What were you thinking of getting her, a vacuum cleaner?
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>>16586669
Why are you giving someone a gift on the first date? Unless you mean like a flower or something...
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>>16586534
I don't have any gay friends, but it'd be nice to have a male friend who would never try to hit on me.
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>>16586697
>>16586708
She's into ethnic/exotic stuff, so I was thinking about something like that.

No gifts, then. Thank you.
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>>16586562
>>16586533
Good lord, do NOT do it at her work place.
Let it be somewhere private.

It's so not romantic at all. She gets proposed to, all excited, and now she turns around and goes back to work? She has to focus on her job?

Let it be a time where you can really spend some time together.

It's also just super awkward. Her being close to her coworkers does NOT over power her shyness.

Would you rather a personal and private proposal in which nothing could go wrong, or risk tainting her memory of your proposal by doing it in a way that she'd hate?

I don't know a single woman who likes public proposals. Every single one winces.
>>
Where can i go to find love?
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>>16586788
You don't find it, it finds you.
>>
How can i break up with a girl without breaking her heart? Or is this impossible?
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>>16586788
Honestly, thats a very hard question. Nobody knows where you would meet somebody you'd be happy with.. If you have any hobbies or interests, try to find and meet up with people who share those interests with you, maybe theres a person who fits to you. Also, in the internet, logically. But dont raise your hopes too much on online relationships. REAL things only happen outside, consider that, everything is only in your head and you dont know whats in the others mind.
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>>16586682

Two come to mind.

The first was a random date, with a random girl, on a totally random day.

I was just bored one morning, hopped on a dating site, messaged a girl, chatted with her for about an hour, and told her I was going out to lunch at a nearby cafe in an hour and she was more than welcome to meet me.


We had lunch, read books, talked about silly things, talked about serious things, drove to the beach to watch the sun set, joked around, had dinner, hung out on the pier. It ended up what was supposed to be our 30 minute lunch ended up lasting about 8 hours (I was just killing time until some friends came in to town to crash with me--they arrived super late)

At the end, we didn't kiss, though we probably should have, I was too distracted rushing back because my friends were already waiting.

But when I texted her in the morning, I got this back: I'm sorry I can't see you again because I can't date you, because I'd fall in love with you too easy, and I can't marry you because you're not a part of my religion.

The other was with my girlfriend.

We met for coffee (coincidentally at a coffee shop she'd being dying to check out), and just had lots small talk for the first hour or so. She was pretty nervous at first, but at some point our conversation roved to books and common interests and passions, and things started to pick up. By the time the cafe began to close, we were pretty fully at ease with one another and all anxiety dissipated, so I just yelped a nearby place and went to grab dinner

By the end of the night we were pretty flirty and touchy, and about an hour before we were done, she actually asked me if she could see me again. I instantly agreed.

We actually wouldn't do more than hold hands until our 3rd date (where we hyper accelerated to sex xD) but I remember walking her to her car and thinking, "I don't want to move fast with this girl and mess things up. There's definite potential here. Glacially slow to get it right"
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Both genders.
When is it acceptable to give a gift to someone?
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>>16586835
How is it going with her? still together?
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>>16586843
Depends on the gift and who this person is to you, but i think basically its always okay as long as its not too flamboyant
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>>16586843

When you've known them long enough for it to be appropriate. Relationship also influences this.

Family: Any time
Close friends: Any time
Significant Others: Any time
Acquaintances: Birthday's/baby showers/graduations/etc.
People you're dating: Not until they're actually your girlfriend/boyfriend (unless they happen to have a bday and you want to grab something super small). Size/expense of gift also correlated to time in relationship.
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>>16586862
Elaborate
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Girls:

>I met a girl I was good friends with in middle school while at work and the next day she asked to come over to my house
>Then she comes over again
>Kisses me on cheek
>Today she asks if my parents would mind a girl staying the night
>I get the feeling that she's moving really fast into some relationship so I ask
>"Are you comfortable around me or is this normal to just spend the night with someone after talking 3 days?"
>She asks me, "You've never had a girl over night before have you?"
>When I tell her I haven't she says she feels weird now and to just forget she asked.

I'm 25 and haven't kissed or had a girlfriend ever because I want to focus on my life until it's at least going somewhere first, and when I briefly mentioned that and then said, "Don't think I'm telling you to leave me alone by saying this." I get the feeling that she either:

--thinks I assume we're headed to a relationship when we're not
--is turned off by my comments about not chasing women
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>tfw the hymen rate thread on soc is empty
Women, why are you all whores. What motivates whoredom.
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>>16586873
Can you describe a woman who isn't a whore? If you think she wouldn't exist, decribe how a woman should be to not be considered a whore by you.
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>>16586858

Yup, closing in on a year now. Pretty happy and in love. Probably the best relationship either of us has ever been in (though I guess that's not saying much for either of us lol).
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>>16586885
A woman who doesnt run around spreading her legs and has moral values. It was probably just a troll but its actually heartbreaking that the hymen rate thread is empty. Its a clear depiction of the society of today.
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>>16586710
It'd be nice to have a female friend who always let's me fuck her, and never bitches about periods, that girl at work, and the fucking weather
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Girls would find it strange if a guy asked you to wear a hijab? Not for any religious reason, its just a fetish
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>>16587022
Yes, would assume you are an extremist.
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>>16587022
Jesus thats disrespectful. Just find some other low life and Im sure shed be willing.
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>>16586899
>Its a clear depiction of the society of today.
Sexually active and happy?
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>>16586353
Both genders:
Do you prefer to reject someone the hard way or giivng hints to leave you alone?
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>>16586899
>has moral values
What is your definition of moral values? Everyone has different moral values, and even "traditional values" or any label for morals have vastly different definitions.

What's the takeaway that you get from an empty hymen thread? That no woman has their hymen intact? I took it the other way, that virgin girls don't want to camwhore. Why do you want women to show their most private spot to hundreds of people? Aren't they supposed to be pure? That isn't very pure.

Some people take camwhoring to be immoral. I'm very confused about your preferred morality
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>>16587057
I'm just as clear and obvious with my rejection as I am with the passes I take. There's no question about where I stand.
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Girls, what is the best way to approach you in a social situation if I don't know you? Just get eye contact and walk over? anything particular you look for when a guy randomly approaches you?
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>>16587057
Depends on how someone is approaching me. I tend to prefer the latter because confrontation sucks. Plus I have had a couple times where I tell a guy I'm not interested in him and I got back a, "What, did you think I was hitting on you? I'm not interested in you." with an implication that I was self centered to assume that.

If a guy directly asks me on a date, I'd be direct, of course. I'm not going to pretend that I do want to go on a date or I would date him but "just not right now" or anything. I like to squash the hope.
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>>16587066
>a social situation
Elaborate?

I'd say that you should look back and forth a couple times to see if she keeps catching your eye 2-4 times. Smile. If she smiles back, that's good. If she continues to smile or smiles bigger when she sees you stand up, you're a-go. If when you stand up, her smile drops. her eyes get big and/or she looks away, walk past her to something else. She's panicked.
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>>16587082
what if she just keeps looking back but doesnt return the smile? is she playing hard to get or just doesnt want me to come over to her?
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>>16587052
>Sexually active and happy?
Have you seen the statistics for how often partners cheat on each other. How fast std's spread. How the more sexual partners you had the more likely your marriage will dissolve. You call that happy. Youre just addicted to the poison of the world.
>>16587063
Youd think that there would be a few today would still have their hymen intact. But I guess not. I find it more likely that the vast majority of people passing that thread up simply cant post in it because they dont have a hymen. Sure there might be 1 or 2. But in a sea of people there are only 1 or 2 that arent whores. Isnt that depressing.
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>>16587082
and the social situation could be anything from a bar to a coffee shop to some friend event at a catering hall or something
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Girls,

I've been told by my exes that I'm a nice guy and a good catch (even after I broke up with them). However, recently I've been having no luck with girls. I think that in an attempt to show that I'm a nice guy, I could be coming off as desperate or like I'm trying too hard. How would you suggest I fix this so that I still come off as a nice guy, but not one who tries too hard? I was recently rejected for the first time in my life and it was twice in two days by two separate girls.
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>>16587057
If a girl expresses interest and I'm not interested, I'll usually go the "hard way". That I'm flattered but I'm not interested in her that way.

No need to be a dick about it, and the sooner we all go our own ways the easier it'll be for everyone involved.
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>>16587057
I am very bad at rejecting girls. Sometimes i have even held on to shitty relationships for a few more weeks because i didnt want to hurt the girl or i was bothered by the thought of making her cry by breaking up with her.

as far as a girl hitting on me in public, if im not attracted to her i will give her subtle hints that im immediately friend-zoning her, but never direct. I hate hurting girls feelings especially if i can tell that they have low self esteem.
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>>16587102
You really expect girls to be that willing to post?
I'd imagine that the girls who are willing to camwhore are girls who are willing to fuck. So the regulars will slowly fade as they finally get some cock.

People call camwhores whores. Pure delicate virgins are not posting in that thread. Only thirsty, horny, cock hungry girls post.
>>
Is the female op still on?
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>>16587101
>doesnt return the smile?
What kind of expression would she be having then? In that case you just gotta make your own judgments. Is she looking at you worriedly? Is she wrinkling her nose? Turning up one side of her upper lip in a disgusted expression? Is she so straight faced that you're not sure she's looking specifically at you?

Is she covering her mouth with her hand? Is she biting her lip? Does she look at you with sultry eyes?

I'd say that if you've got the smile and multi-look, that's nearly an invitation. If she has a negative look, don't bother. If she has a neutral look, give her more look backs than if she had smiled, for confirmation.

When I see a guy I think is attractive smiling at me, I instantly smile, though I might hide my face. I can't imagine keeping a straight face when keeping eye contact and smiling.

Maybe she keeps looking back because she saw you looking and is seeing if you're still looking?


I can only confidently encourage you if you get a smile back and sustained eye contact.
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>>16587064
>>16587070
>>16587152
>>16587134

Thanks Anons.
Can you specify one thing for me?
Does this also apply for face to face conversation or over text? wich one do you prefer?
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>>16587166
Huh? The OP is just a copy pasta for every new thread. I was the OP for the last thread and I'm a girl. Anything I can help with?
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>>16587161
its something that cant be tied back to you. Its not like a pic of your face. I doubt thats the mindset of those not posting.
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>>16587186
It's the principle of the matter.
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>>16587183

i only really reject girls face to face. i would feel terrible doing it over text so i couldnt live with that. plus im an ESFP and im generally good at charming people so i've been told that i ease the letdown a lot with my personality and the way i portray the fact that im not romantically interested in the girl.
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>>16587179
like keeps looking back with a straight face, but you know for a fact she is staring at you. i get that a lot. idk if it is a challenge to approach the girl or a look of disinterest but i tend to get many look backs with a straight face most of the time.
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Alright so im a decent guy , i can joke around and sometimes socialize. ill get womens attention , become close and pretty much sabotage myself when we get too close and sex is brought up ,so it completely fucks up and ends. Most women think im either not interested or gay lol. But my issue is , i have an std.... So i been keeping to myself looking for friends only , no more , no less. I have friends and ppl i know , who have it aswell and simply dont give a fuck and just fuck around , i mean wtf.... Would you date someone with it , or how should i go by this to find me a girl ?
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>>16587229

gonna need to know the std, some are worse than others
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Girls:

For the past two months my girl and I have been in a rough patch. She cheated on me while hanging out with one of her guy friends (making out), but it wasn't a planned thing and she's been nothing but apologetic since. Right now were in like a semi break, and she's staying with a friend until I move to another apartment, since we decided to at the very least try not living with each other and making the other a wreck. Like I said , were on this break (kinda), but we still talk a little every day and occasionally visit. She told me that she couldn't focus on the relationship right now since that's all she had done before hand, and she wanted the break so she could figure out why she was always so irritable, etc. We both still say I love and miss you, and she has put forth effort in trying to keep me in her life. She says she's trying to get herself back to the old days where things were great, bit it will take some time. We haven't officially broken up and she says she wants no one else. I've been a wreck since then because I never see her and even though she hurt me, I dont want anyone else. We're still exclusive, and I want to help her as much as I can, so I eventually decided that I wasn't going to talk unless she talked to me, which she does initiate every day. Based on some of these, and this is all really convoluted to read, but what do our chances seem to be of getting back "together" in a reasonable time frame (2-4 months)? I can clarify anything.
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>>16587239
Its the herp.... I know most ppl have it , but yeah how would you go by it ? Like telling females about it , or looking for someone maybe with it ? I mean i know no one wants to get it intentionally , but std's arent usually passed around with permission. So.....?
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>>16587266

that's not terrible. just right before it's time to get intimate, or if you feel the relationship is moving towards that just be honest with the girl. some will be fine others might reject you because of it, but batting 0.500 is better than never stepping up to the plate
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>>16587275
Would you say bring it up earlier in the relationship or once things are headed in that direction ? Lol and why lie , it is sorta terrible... I mean if you met a guy , everything is going great , many things in common and bamm he hits you with it , bs aside what would be your reaction?
>>
Is it true tall women are generally self conscious over that trait?
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>>16587287
once things are headed there and you know she likes you. if you do it too early, 95% of girls will run and may tell their friends. if you do it later when theyve begun to actually care about you, they will be discreet even if they reject you because of it bc they have some sort of feelings towards you.

that's how i would feel at least
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>>16587289

yes. we feel manlier a lot of times especially if we see hot guys that are shorter than us
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>>16587298
Yeah alright , cuz everyone talks and spreads bs , even ppl you trust , i guess its just a risk eh.... Thanks.
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>>16587328
exactly and that may ruin your future chances with other girls so make sure they care about you before you tell them. just dont be a dick and do anything with them without them knowing.

no problem. good luck
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>>16586353
Both genders-

Are you open to the idea of Polyamory ?
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>>16587388
No. Monogamy works. Polygamy doesn't. Humans are too greedy for polygamy.
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>>16587388
Yup. Girl here. Especially since I have a low sex drive. I wouldn't satisfy the typical man in a monogamous relationship.
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>>16587388
I'm open to any form able-minded and consenting adults doing whatever they want; be that chastity, polyarmory or incest.

I'm into any of that myself, but I won't think twice about other people doing any of them.

The key points there are "adult", "able-minded", and "consenting".
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>>16587395
>monogamy works
What do you mean by that, exactly?

Genuine question, I want to know precisely what your intended meaning is before I comment.
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>>16587403
I should probably mention that the second sentence was intended to read:
>I'm not into any of that myself...
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>>16587406
Statistically, a child raised in a traditional nuclear family with monogamous heterosexual parents are less likely to end up criminals. Don't hold back on commenting. I'd love to hear why you think it doesn't work. I
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>>16587253
I am going to give you my perspective since I was once in your situation.

It's over between you two. I'm not saying that because my relationship ended due to the same thing. My SO and I worked it out, and actually became closer after everything. The fact she doesn't know what she wants just tells me that she was questioning the relationship before hand, and wants to keep you in arms reach if things don't work out with either that other guy or someone else.

The question is can you fully forgive her and trust her that this sort of thing will never happen again. If there is zero doubt in your heart, and mind then you could potentially enter back in the relationship. But, she's not ready and probably won't be for a long time. Do not hold off on life and pursuing other relationship because she's dangling the hope she might come around and get back together with her.
>>
>>16586983
>>16586353

Need some adv from femanons. So ive finaly talked to my gp to get help for anxiety and depression which has been making me not want to date as i wouldnt date me if you catch my drift. Do you think i should wait untill my self confidence, conversation and whatnot gets better before trying to find a waifu? I would just hate to loose another nice girl because i cant even fucking talk to her you know

Thanks
Anon x
>>
Posted on soc and got some kiks. Talked to some girls etc. I think I've become addicted to.the validation from these girls. Problem is, I have a girlfriend. Haven't gotten any sexual pictures, but did briefly sext a girl, could probably meet up with another if I asked.

What the fuck do I do? I don't feel awful, as I don't see it as overtly cheating but it is a problem. It has just become addictive because it's great attention from attractive women. I've been battling with the face that my current gf isn't super attractive, but she's an amazing person.
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>>16587426
You're appealing to statistical data to make your point, so you've set the bar at methodologically sound research. That's what you've based your answer on, so that's something you use to make decisions. At least, that's what seems to be the case.

Now that we've established both that and your claims, can I have a look at the evidence you're getting that information from? If I'm unaware of a problem with same-sex parenting, I'd love to know about it.
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>>16586499
This makes me sad, every time I post this question, the advice is the same, don't do it. Unfortunately the desire is too strong, I will have to react to it in some way or another. Guess I'm on my own on this one then.
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>>16586499
Fuck off or you'll be added to the sticky
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>>16587472
http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/series/sr_10/sr10_246.pdf

>Children in nuclear families were generally less likely than children in nonnuclear families
>to be in good, fair, or poor health [Note: these three categories are considered “less than optimal”];
>to have a basic action disability;
>to have learning disabilities or attention deficit hyperactivity disorder;
>to lack health insurance coverage;
>to have had two or more emergency room visits in the past 12 months;
>to have receipt of needed prescription medication delayed during the past 12 months due to lack of affordability;
>to have gone without needed dental care due to cost in the past 12 months;
>to be poorly behaved;
>and to have definite or severe emotional or behavioral difficulties during the past 6 months.

>The New Family Structures Study (NFSS) is a social-science data-collection project that fielded a survey to a large, random sample of American young adults (ages 18–39) who were raised in different types of family arrangements.
I'd link to the PDF, but it costs money to get at it, so I'll hit you with some highlights again.

>When compared with outcomes for children raised by an "intact biological family" (with a married, biological mother and father), the children of homosexuals did worse (or, in the case of their own sexual orientation, were more likely to deviate from the societal norm) on 77 out of 80 outcome measures.

>Compared with children raised by their married biological parents (IBF), children of homosexual parents (LM and GF):
>Are much more likely to have received welfare (IBF 17%; LM 69%; GF 57%)
>Have lower educational attainment
>Report less safety and security in their family of origin
>Report more ongoing "negative impact" from their family of origin
>Are more likely to suffer from depression
>Have been arrested more often
>If they are female, have had more sexual partners--both male and female

I would go on, but character limit is about to be reached.
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>>16587388
>Are you open to the idea of Polyamory ?
lel no

I don't really give a shit about what consenting adults do in their own home, but their incessant preaching about how monogamy is dead just comes off as if they're trying to convince themselves.
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>>16586679
It's ribbed for your pleasure
>>
>>16586899
Are you joking? Why the hell would these "pure" women post pictures of their pussies online? That's whore behavior they would never indulge in.
>>
>>16587505
I have to point out that you've made an error in using CDC data to draw comparisons between same-sex and opposite-sex parents.

The CDC article has 6 different family categories, which include:
>nuclear families
>single-parent families
>unmarried biological/adoptive families
>blended families
>cohabiting families
>extended families
>"other" families

"Nonnuclear" families include ALL of the families in the other five categories. With these definitions, you would have same-sex families in the "nuclear families" category, as well as opposite-sex families in the "nonnuclear" category.

Don't forget - you set the standard to methodologically sound research. You literally can't use this research to substantiate any claims about same-sex familise, because the research itself doesn't make any such claims. A quick ctrl+f reveals literally no trace of the words "homosexual" or "same-sex" in the entire 176-page document.

I'll get to the NFSS in a mo'.
>>
>>16587562
I referred explicitly to the advantages of nuclear families. You're the one who singled out gay families. That's on you. Not me.
>>
>>16587388
Nope
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>>16587505
Since I can't read the NFSS because it costs money, let's have a quick squiz at some Google results about it.

One thing I CAN find is the survey design (http://www.prc.utexas.edu/nfss/documents/NFSS-study-design.pdf), which reveals that the control group was NINE TIMES LARGER than the study group.

That's a weird thing to do, because in a smaller sample size the more extreme values become more pronounced, while in a larger sample size the more extreme values become more adequately represented and you get a better indication of what the real-life population is actually like.

With that case/control split, I'd be wary of the potential for error.

Looking at Wikipedia, it seems that the NFSS has come under fire from many academics. Two other social scientists (Cheng and Powell) apparently reanalyzed the data fromthe NFSS and found numerous measurement errors in it, and concluded that Regnerus' conclusions were due to these errors "and other methodological choices".

An associate dean of the same university which conducted this study also looked into it, finding that the survey "practically guaranteed" negative results.

My turn in a moment.
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>>16587468
Bump?
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>>16586899
You do know the hymen is not a "freshness guaranteed seal" right?
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>>16587563
"a child raised in a traditional nuclear family with monogamous heterosexual parents"

That was the context within which you used CDC data. You implicitly implied that you were referring to gay families. That's on you, not me.

I'd also like to point out that the CDC definitions don't make any determinations about monogamy. Within those definitions, Nuclear Families could have been polyamorous, while non-nuclear families could have been monogomous.
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>>16587587
Break up with her so she can be with someone better
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>>16587505
Actually I've got other things to do, so I won't be replying. What I found so far was mostly about homosexual/heterosexual families and that doesn't necessarily tell us much about monogomy.

However, your 'evidence' isn't sufficient for the conclusion you've drawn. That isn't me trying to pick you apart, that's me looking at the evidence you've shown and realising that it's rubbish for the purpose with which it is being used.
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>>16587599
That's what a nuclear family is. A mother, father and children. That's what I was referring to. Everything else is a bit shit in comparison.

>Nuclear families could have been polyamorous
Oh, I get it now. You're invested. You're a gay slut and this data is a reflection on you, so you're trying to dismiss it any way you can, like that woman with her "uhh you can't actually like properly like measure lesbian mothers, they're just too hard to measure so it doesn't count".

>>16587611
>Leaving when you realise you have no argument against data
I'm laughing too hard anon. Please, let up and let me breathe.
>>
So /adv/, I am a 19 yo old kissless virgin and I want to get a gf or at the very least a kiss. Never been in a relationship in my life but I've been damn close a few times, just for something to fuck it up.

I'm a reasonably good looking guy, at least a 7/10 and I'm confident enough when it comes to pleasant conversation. However, moving from this to flirting is hard for me without making it awkward so I tend to avoid it, just for the girl to lose interest.

SOOO, how do I smoothly move from small talk to mdeium talk to flirting and how can I go from this stage to the point where I'm potentially seeing someone regularly. I have zero experience moving from a friendship into a relationship.

PLS help anons. I have screwed up so many great opportunities
>>
>>16587606
Wow that hit me pretty hard. I'm actually deleting kik right now, thanks for the wake up call.
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>>16587599
Also:
>A study found that in polygamous cultures, levels of rape, kidnap, murder and robbery increase as the dissatsified men left on the shelf go on the rampage.
>t found significantly higher levels of rape, kidnapping, murder, assault, robbery and fraud in polygymous cultures found in Asia and Africa.
>Prof Henrichs said that these crimes are caused primarily by pools of unmarried men, which result when other men take multiple wives.
>A more egalitarian distribution of women results in less male competition and social problems, he says, and by shifting male efforts from seeking wives to paternal investment, institutionalised monogamy increases long-term planning, economic productivity, savings and child investments.
>Monogamous marriage also results in significant improvements in child welfare, including lower rates of child neglect, abuse, accidental death, homicide and intra-household conflict, the study finds.
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>>16587621
That doesn't undo what you've done or change who you are. She honestly deserves to know so she can at least make the decision herself.
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>>16587614
Yes, but a family setting is not the same as established relationships. A husband and wife with a cuck on the side will register on that as "nuclear", despite technically being polyamorous.
Likewise, the other five categories don't explicitly state 'polarmorous', and since polarmoury is a minority relationship status the vast majority of "nonnuclear" families would have also been monogomous.

I'm leaving because I have other work to do, which funnily enough is related to this kind of research.

Remember: you set the bar at methologically sound evidence. The CDC data (not the NFSS) is methodological, and it is reliable, but it doesn't say anything at all about polyamorous families, nor does it say anything about same-sex families.
What you're doing is taking a study which doesn't say anything about polyamoury and homosexuality, and using it to say things about polyamoury and homosexuality.
>>
>>16587633
>the one that proves me wrong doesn't count because I said so
Ok anon. You go do that gay thing you're doing. Rest easy in your safe space. Obviously it'll take much more than numbers to pop that bubble.
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>>16587628
I appreciate the advice. I see where you're coming from but that's not going to happen. Was some harmless flirting and I'm just going to delete and move on. Just felt lonely, nothing moved on to meeting or anything of that nature so I'm done. Thanks for the reply though.
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>>16587638
>sexting
>harmless flirting
I hope she breaks up with you as soon as she possibly can.
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>>16587635
If you at all read what I said, it doesn't count because other academics in that field of research say it doesn't count, as well as the associate dean of the university at the research was conducted.

You were right before, I DO have no argument against data. Data is generally pretty solid, and I regularly change my mind after reading data contradictory to what I believe.

Your problem is that you don't have useful data.
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>>16587638
Relationships built upon secrets, dishonestly, unfaithfulness, and mistrust are destined to fail. It's only a matter of time now. I hope for her sake that it's soon.
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>>16587468
>but did briefly sext a girl
>>16587638
>Was some harmless flirting

Christ you're a stupid nigger. I'd love to see how you'd react if your SO did the same.
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>>16587646
And other academics in that field of research say it does count and that people are just mad that the data says what it does.

>The first person to accuse it of scientific misconduct was a blogger
>One guy calls the study "bullshit"
Clearly a man with nothing at all invested in the data, right? He's definitely not mad about anything.

Damn, I take back everything I said anon. You were obviously right.
>>
>>16587388

For all I care, other people can go
about it as they wish, as >>16587403 already said, people can do what they want.

Personally, I can't really do it. I get way to jealous. Although I do believe I could be in a relationship with two girls at once (They would have to like each other romantically and be completely okay with the situation though of course).
Seems like its a setup for doom though, what would happen if one party wants to break up with just one other?

I'm pretty sure what I described isn't really Polygamy though, it's something called Bigamy or something right?
>>
>>16587615

Just do it. Fail. Learn.

That's the only way.

First relationship at 26, kissless virgin 'til 24, completely inept and shy growing up (like afraid to order food or answer doors because strangers level), until one day when I'm 18 when I decide I want to change.. Little by little I start doing more and more to break out of myself.

I fail spectacularly over and over and keep making small little steps, until one day where I take a massive fucking leap of faith and put myself truly and totally out there to someone , fail spectacularly, and feel like a massive weight has been lifted off me. From that point out, everything feels easy and I start dating in earnest, and all the small things I've done over the years, the tiniest of changes that I used to struggle with every fiber of my being to do, come naturally and easily to me.

I lose all semblance of fear, anxiety, shame, and embarrassment when it comes to dealing with other people (male or female) and even things like dating become just the same as anything else.

As long as you keep trying to push forward, you will make progress. It may be slow, but the only way to do that is to actively take action. There is no quick and painless shortcut. It may not be easy, but it's definitely that simple.
>>
>>16587426
>>16587505
My two thoughts:
What about childless relationships? I don't want kids, so this data isn't relevant to me on whether or not I should be polyamorous.

And this says monogamous is good, but it doesn't specifically say polyamorous is bad. I'm not surprised, I don't know anyone with kids who is openly polyamorous. It'd be hard to study that. Especially considering all the different types, which could be more or less bad. Pic related.

Now this:
>>16587626
Which study is this referring to? This is going more into the societal implications of polyamory being more accepted. It's a good argument against being against polyamory.
I'd be curious to compare it to the woman shortage in China, the lack of relationships in Japan, and other modern day situations. Since part of this argument is the dangers of male sexual frustration. In China, lack of females period. In polyamory, from a small percentage of men taking a large percentage of women.

It'd be interesting to see the crime rate comparisons. Of course, nothing exists in a vacuum and it'd just be correlation, but still interesting.
>>
>>16587722
>What about childless relationships?
Jealousy is still nasty as fuck and will destroy relationships. As I said, humans are too greedy for it to truly work.

I'm not sure what you're getting at with the Japan comparison though. In Japan, the men want just as little to do with the women as the women do with the men. There's no sexual frustration to vent, so the crime rate is tiny as fuck there. China's a fucking nightmare of a country in terms of crime, but of course, good luck finding statistical evidence of that in grorious China.
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>>16587740
>Jealousy is still nasty as fuck and will destroy relationships. As I said, humans are too greedy for it to truly work.
Oh I definitely agree that there are some people who never should be anywhere near polyamory.
I'm personally not a jealous person. I don't even really know what it feels like. I'm sure there are other people like me out there. I know of at least one, my infrequent fuck buddy.
I haven't bothered with relationships for a while since I don't want to jump through the hoops of really believing that they are not a jealous or possessive person.
I've been invited into an established trio before, but they were too far away and I don't like LDRs.

They seem to be doing it okay. I think they have a hierarchical relationship. The three of them have been dating for over a year. They seem happy.
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>>16587751
I'm saying that everyone is too jealous for polyamory and that it's only a matter of time before they realise it. I also forgot to mention that your pic was retarded as fuck and I can't imagine it would convince anyone to try anything but monogamy. The concepts within the picture, I mean.
>>
>>16587722
>no "I only love alex"

So much for true diversity
>>
>>16587760
the picture isn't trying to convince anyone to try polyamory. It's just for the definitions.
I have a hard time believing in absolutes. Nobody ever could avoid being jealous ever? Especially because I consider myself someone who doesn't get jealous. So, you're saying is that I'm just confused, and someday I'll be overcome with rage at the idea of a partner being with someone else.
Since it's working for me so far, I guess I'll just keep doing it until it fails.
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>>16587791
That's exactly what I'm saying. I'm saying you've never been invested in another person enough for jealousy to be an issue. It's common among sluts, but when it kicks in, you'll feel it.
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>>16587796
Not that guy but way to autist it up and assume everyone works just like you man.
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>>16587796
My last big relationship lasted 3 years and I lived with him. I was pretty dang invested. I helped him pick out other women. It was fun hearing about them. I didn't sleep with anyone else in that time, since I didn't really go out much. Plus I could tell that he was one of the kinds of people who couldn't handle it.
I knew he would come home to me and that he still loved me deeply. I never once doubted that he loved me.

I'm the anon with a low sex drive. I don't have polyamorous relationships because I'm a nympho who needs sex from everyone 24/7. I have them because I can handle them, so I was curious about trying it out. It helps take a load off my back that I'm not their only source of sexual gratification.
I'm secure in my knowledge that they love me. And if they decide to leave, then it'll be sad, but life goes on. Monogamy isn't a guarantee that they will stay forever, and if they were unhappy, I wouldn't want them to. I'll try my best to make them happy, but if I love them, I don't want to make them suffer.
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>>16587849
You seem like a nice, mature and rational person. I wish there were more of you in the world, everything would be better.
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>>16587722
>monoamory
Are they trying to redefine monogamy here or what
>>
>>16587870
*I don't mean this like I want there to be more poly people or whatever, I just meant the way you generally look at life.
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>>16587751
>Oh I definitely agree that there are some people who never should be anywhere near polyamory.
99% of poly shit in my experience is very one sided. Most of the time it's just one person into that kind of stuff and the partner is dragged along because they lack the self respect to say no.

I see all this idealized stuff but it never seems to work out that way in the real world.
>>
>>16587870
>>16587879
Wow, anon. Thank you so much! That really means a lot to me. I'll keep doing my best to make you proud!

>>16587876
I think they're trying to make it technically accurate, since "-gamy" literally refers to marriage.

>>16587882
Yeah, I definitely have talked to people before who were saying, "Oh yeah! I could totally handle this!" and I had to say back to them, "Yeah, no. You can't handle this. I know you. No."
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>>16587901
>I think they're trying to make it technically accurate, since "-gamy" literally refers to marriage.
They're mixing greek and latin root words. I don't like it.

>>16587901
>"Oh yeah! I could totally handle this!" and I had to say back to them, "Yeah, no. You can't handle this. I know you. No."
Honestly the ones I had in mind were practically closer to a soft cuckolding. As in one guy pays for the dates, and the other gets the T&A.

I hear how poly stuff has less drama, but my experience is the complete opposite.
>>
Females, are trial dates a thing? My female friend is saying she's going on "trial dates" with a boy to see if dating goes well. I have never heard of that before now. Am I out of touch or is this some stupid shit she made up? Because I'm 19, and she's 21, and this sounds like elementary school shit.
>>
>>16588075

Uhhh.... I'm a dude... but isn't that what first dates kinda of are? You go out with someone to see if you have any chemistry, and then from there decide if you want more?
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>>16588082
No, they are talking about more than one date. Like, 2 or 3, and if it doesn't work, they don't date. Isn't the way dating works is yes or no. No inbetween. This trial shit is fucking stupid.
>>
(asking again) Guys, would you date an anorexic girl?
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>>16588096

No... The way dating works is you go out with someone until you figure out if you guys match, and if you do, you get serious, if you figure out that don't, you move on.

Dating ain't a contract.
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>>16588128
Okay. But that's agreeing to date them and not labeling it something silly like "Oh, this date is just a TRIAL one."
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>>16588105

Yes, if personalities matched.
Its a disorder, with the right help it could be cured Something I would do everything to do asap, I find anorexia almost as repulsive as the grossly overweight.

Before you ask, if there was no desire to cure it I wouldn't consider it a personality match.
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>>16586411
Because it simply doesn't interest me. I know that there are girls who do though, so don't act like girls never do

>>16586499
You don't

>>16586533
Don't do it in public, and don't do it before you've actually discussed getting married and whether or not you're ready

>>16586534
It's not like I filter out gay people when I make friends or something

>>16586542
There's no reason for you to go out with an old flame. How would you feel if she did the same thing with an ex of hers?

>>16586545
Just as a way to get into my pants? No

>>16586580
Prudish? Kind of off putting. I want to be able to talk to my partner about these things

>>16586669
Why would you give them a gift?

>>16586682
What the date is doesn't make a good date, what makes it a good date is the company

>>16586795
Impossible, unless she doesn't give a fuck about you

>>16587022
Yes, I would

>>16587057
The hard way

>>16587066
Depends on the where and when it is

>>16587289
Some are, some aren't

>>16587388
No. And I know that you'd be jealous and insecure if your partner was sleeping with other people
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>>16588141

Dude... you're the one getting caught up labeling it random shit.... You're arguing semantics and ignoring the intent.

"Dating" is different than going on a date with someone.

A Date is just a meeting between two individuals.

"Dating" implies a continued relationship with potential to be serious.
>>
>>16588105
Nope. If I found out a friend was anorexic, I'd just encourage them to go to a doctor before I even thought of sleeping with them.
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>>16588075
>>16588141
>But that's agreeing to date them
You mean like agreeing to "be dating"? If I went on one date with a guy and someone asked me "Are you two dating?" I would say, "I went on a date with him, but we are not 'dating'."

Unfortunately there's an awkward in between stage of going on dates and then dating. In which 'dating' is typically synonymous with being boyfriend/girlfriend.
Some people have a third stage between going on dates and being boyfriend/girlfriend which they sometimes call "dating" which is more confusing.
>>
Got girlfriend for 4 years, have best female friend for 4 years by both parties. Girlfriend and best friend made out once blackout and best friend remembered, gf didn't.

Gf is very conservative but holds special place for best friend yet still denies romantic interaction with this specific female as attractive.

I'm 6'5" 210, GF is 5'5" 105 and BF is 5'2" 95 and just got a boob job. Everyone is hot and we've all done countless favors for each other.

WHAT DO?
>>
Can girls develop romantic feelings for guys if they remind them of a family member?
>>
Hey girls, how often do you orgasm from just having the guy fuck you? I accomplished that with my gf last night and she never had it happen before and I'm pretty proud after her telling me that.
>>
Girls

I need some reassurance. So I met a girl on a pen pal website back in August after I planned out a trip to Europe. She's QT as fuck and we are going to be meeting IRL next week. I just feel so nervous. We've been talking every single day via Whatsapp, and have also video chatted on Skype twice recently as well. I feel as if we know each other pretty well based off what we can do. She seems to really like me, she told me I'm a positive example for her, and talking to me makes her days better. It's just that puts enormous pressure on me just hearing that. Like I'm not faking my personality with her, I'm being real. But I have been hiding I am overal very depressed, and have shit self esteem. One of the things that fucks me up is I'm a really skinny looking guy. I'm 5ft 11 inches, 140lbs. I hate the way I look, and I feel embarrassed everytime I look in the mirror. I have this worry that she won't like me anymore once we meet. Although we have skyped, but she's never seen my body.

I dunno, I just need someone to reassure me I'm over reacting. I truly feel worried that I'm going to spaghetti because of this shit
>>
>>16588331
What's the point of the heights and weights?
If your GF doesn't want to get physically closer to your BF, she shouldn't be forced to.
What do you want? Just be open and honest with each other. Talk about the meta of your relationships, platonic, romantic, and sexual.
>>
>>16588581
What ever happens happens. It's okay to be nervous. Don't let it hold you back. Because it could go really well. Don't let fear of the negative scare you away from ever experiencing something positive.
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>>16588598

I just don't see how she could like a skinny fucker like me :(

I think I look like shit
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>>16588606
Well she likes you now. Quit sabotaging yourself. You won't know what she thinks until you meet her so stop assuming you know what she'll think.
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>>16588331
If she doesn't want to fuck your friend, she doesn't want to fuck your friend. Though you should keep pushing her to do it, maybe she'll break up with you and get with a guy who respects her boundaries

>>16588475
Maybe.
>>
How long is enough time before catching up with your ex, assuming you've both been keeping busy?

Not really sure what I want out of it, apart from just catching up over coffee or something.

It's been about 3 months since I've last spoken to her, we had no mutual ties/circles apart from each other, and our last contact was fairly good (she wished me happy birthday 3 weeks after we broke up, I thanked her and left it alone).

As much as I'd (also) like to talk about "us", I feel like it's already past the point of being appropriate.
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>>16588760
3 months is pretty good. The initial shock and pain has died down. Go ahead. If she doesn't agree, dont push it.
>>
>>16588763
Is there a right way/time to go about asking?

Apart from the birthday greeting, which honestly took me by surprise, the messages on our Facebook chat and iMessage just prior to us splitting were pretty bad.
>>
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44 KB, 500x671
Question for anyone:

So my long time girlfriend of circa 6 years told me yesterday that she was pregnant. Great, right? Well, not really.

I asked her bout her contraception, and she told me she had been to the doctor some weeks ago to have it removed. (A few months after we got together we had the discussion about contraception, and agreed to stop using condoms but she would get an implant/coil thing (i'm not actually sure what she got in the end). That was years ago and there have been no problems since. I did say that if there ever was problem with it and her hormones or whatever, she could stop it and we'd figure out another way. She has never complained of it before, and the sex has always been fantastic so I don't think there was a problem.)

I was pretty shocked at this point, that she had taken such a big decision by herself, without ever mentioning it to me. I said that we weren't ready (we have a very small flat in the city which is perfect for the 2 of us, but we would need to move for a baby). I also said we weren't married, which I guess isn't a big thing these days but I wanted to do it 'properly' and have the grace of our parents. She has said we have time to do these things, but I feel the sequence has been fucked up and I don't want to rush buying a new house. The pressure to be moved and married in 9 months is just too high, and I haven't told her but I really feel I want to get rid of it by an abortion or whatever, but I think that would kill her emotionally.

I'm actually so devastated and furious that i've been put in such a shit position, where i'm the bad guy either way. My trust is shattered.

There's probably lots of stuff i've missed out but I just don't know where to go now.
>>
>>16588780
Well it sounds like she's going to have the baby, with or without you. I agree it was pretty fucked up for her to do and I can understand where you're coming from, but if you choose to break up, you'll still have a kid out there: can you handle that?
>>
>>16588780

I'm not really gonna go through what I think about your girlfriend, but

>i'm the bad guy either way.

You're not gonna be the bad guy if you can't cope with the pressure, assuming she's a rational and understanding partner (which desu by the sounds of it is 50/50). Things don't just magically change in 9 months, it takes way more time and that shouldn't be surprising to anyone.

But that doesn't mean you shouldn't be doing everything you can to 'get there'. You don't need a house, but if the goal is more space then shoot for a slightly bigger flat. Inquirer about working up in whatever field you're currently in, or find better work.

Even if you don't become involved with this kid you should aim for these things anyway.
>>
Ladies, when can I go about bringing up fetishes/kinks to a new girlfriend? I'm really into prostate stimulation and I've been getting off to the thought of my current GF doing to me for a long time. For reference: we've been together for a couple weeks. Have had sex roughly 8 times with her so far.
>>
>>16588780
If you happen to keep the baby just make sure to do a paternity test.
>>
Is there such a thing as too much honesty?

Question for both really.
>>
>>16589053
Only when it's unsolicited and not relevant. It might be an unpleasant truth and the consequences of telling your partner the truth might not all be fun and happy, but it's the right thing to do.
>>
I have a huge crush on my secondary school chinese teacher as I have a huge asian fetish. Is this an odd/ bad thing?
>>
I have this odd problem where the closer I get to the girl I like the more my brain starts telling me to abort. I used to have a really strong crush on this girl, and we had been close friends for months. Then I asked her out on a date and even though we had a great time, suddenly I felt some kind of regret. We keep dating and I have a really fun time on the dates and then go home and feel that slight regret feeling every time. Today I confessed to her and we basically just agreed to become a couple, and even though I like evrything about her there is this bizarre feeling inside me telling me I'm doing the wrong thing. No gf before this by the way. What the fuck is wrong with my brain? Why do I only like girls when I can't have them?
>>
>>16589128
Dont worry, it will go awey eventually.
Ask a psychiatrist for a single session and talk thing through.
>>
>>16588230
>>16588269
But that's not what they're doing. What she's saying is basically just going on a date. But she's saying, and I'm quoting directly here "We're doing trial dates, and if things go smoothly then we can date longer." It's so cringey, I've never heard of anyone doing that. I've heard of people going on dates, but not anything like what she's saying.
>>
>>16589128
Don't give up, keep going! If you leave her, you'll regret in the future.
>>
I'm having a bit of a rut with my wife. We've been married two years, she's an amazing woman and has shown nothing in the way of controllingness in our relationship, but she told me a couple days ago she isn't comfortable with me buying a female friend a gift.

This woman is my childhood friend and I haven't seen her in a couple years because she was abroad for work. She's back in town and I figure a pair of shoes is a nice gift for her. My wife says giving a woman shoes is something a married man shouldn't do.

There's nothing between us beyond being friends. She has a boyfriend (also a friend of mine), and I know she's getting me a gift for Christmas too.

Am I in the wrong, or is my wife stepping a little too far? In the end I'll have to listen to my wife and skip the gift, but this just seems a little ridiculous to me.
>>
I have an interesting dilemma: I told my current girlfriend that she's my first girlfriend but I lied. I lied because my previous (actual first) girlfriend was controlling and violent. She also passed away a few years ago. It's something that if I told her, she might assume I have some problems related to that event but I really don't, I just don't want to talk about it. I don't have baggage, but my girlfriend might assume I do if I told her.

Is lying about this okay? I don't like to lie, but I feel revealing it might ruin what we have.
>>
>>16589154

Shoes are a strange gift, I can understand her apprehension. Can't you give her something else?
>>
>>16589154
>My wife says giving a woman shoes is something a married man shouldn't do.
I'm a man and I agree. Buying another woman shoes is way out of bounds. Why don't you just buy her a normal gift like a bottle of wine, or a candle or some kind of trinket.
>>
>>16589154
mmm tough one but I can see her point. I do see your too. I think a pair of shoes isn't the type of gift YOU should be giving her (unless they are very personally special ie you made them or something). Besides, how are you going to know if they fit and/or she has a dress to match them? Women are very picky about those sorts of things, I wouldn't trust myself buying shoes for my better half.

Some further questions: what is special about this particular pair of shoes? Could you make it a gift from you and your wife?
>>
>>16589172

Nothing particular about the shoes themselves, I just know she likes shoes. I haven't got any yet, my wife is telling me no go.
>>
>>16589163
If you can get by without telling her and it's not going to eat you up inside and fill you with guilt, I wouldn't tell her. It's not necessary information.

If she specifically quizzes you, then you kinda have to tell her. But for now, i'd let sleeping dogs lie.
>>
>>16589154
Don't buy shoes. Shoes are an intimate gift because not only are they often expensive you have to know a lot about the person to get good pair of shoes.

Buy a regular gift like he said
>>16589170
>>
>>16589110
no
>>
>>16587834
That's not what autism is. Stop taking it so personally just because you're a slut.
>>
>>16587849
This reads like an alcoholic talking about alcohol. You sound like you're trying to convince yourself, not others. I think you might be one of those people with no self-respect that the other anon mentioned.
>>
Women please help me with this. I know this girl, had sex with her twice, just straight after going out we went to hers. She kicked me out in the morning, both times.
We had fun both times, but I want a bit more and I dont know how to ask. Mutual friends say she likes me, but I really dont know. It seemed all just pretty casual.
How do I ask her?
>>
>>16589245
Sounds like you're letting her make the calls. First take charge yourself. It will flow naturally from there.
>>
>>16589245

>>16589245

Well, since she kicked you out in the mornings, it seems a bit as if she's not interested in anything serious. I've done the same because I've had to get up early, been hangover etc. though, where I was really into the guy, so I can't say for sure.

It seems rather early to start talking about getting serious - I've spoken with my friends about this recently (my female friends are 18-20 though), if it's just dating, they can see a guy for 6-8 months before having any talk of making it serious. I'm the same, honestly, I'd freak out if we were speaking of wanting more after sleeping together two times. But ask her what she thinks of relationship and if she's been dating for long. Also try to make plans in another setting than "Netflix'n'Chill", y'know what I mean - go to museums, movies, long walks together etc, so you don't end up in the sack immediately.
>>
>>16589268
You're right. The main problem is I just need to workup the courage to give her a call.
Also, I have no problems talking girls, only when I like them.
>>
>>16589299
I dont mean straight up relationship, but just dating, maybe hanging out a bit more.
>>
>>16589302

Don't necessarily ask her to date officially or any shit, just take initiative to invite her out on cool, fun dates and to hang out. If your mutual friends say she's into you, it sounds like you're good :)
>>
Guys, how often do you text your guy friends or platonic friends?

This guy I've known for a year and like asked for my number and texts me about every other day but after a month he hasn't asked me out yet.
>>
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Is 5'11 considered short?
>>
Girls,
I like a girl, I want to ask her out. But I don't have a lot of experience, what are the 'ground rules' on a first date?
>>
>>16589387
I have 2 girls as platonic friends and I text them sometimes every day, sometimes every weeks. It depends...
>>
>>16586353
I'm to meet up and have sex with a girl I met on the internet. We've talked about stuff. The problem is she's an alright girl, and I'm fat and have a nearly microdick. Like, 2.5" erect. She prefers penetration and hates oral.

And oral was gonna be my weapon. I'm really insecure about my dick but this situation just hammers it in. This is my first real attempt in getting with a girl, too. Any advice? Should I just not do it?
>>
What do women really think about "growers" vs "showers"?

I have a normal sized erect dick, varies from 5.5-6.5 inches depending on arousal. The problem is that not erect, it's maybe 1.5-2 inches. I know some guys only gain like 1 inch when erect, it's for them 99% erection = firmness, but for me it's erection = firmness and more length.

This is normal physiology but do women know this?
>>
What would you think of a guy taking antidepressants to deal with social anxeity? Question to anyone
>>
A few months ago I noticed the girl/woman 30yr old that ive been dating has partial dentures of the front teeth. I never asked but sometimes I am curious. She takes care of herself so it's not like they rotted out but I don't know many friends that have it either

Just let it go or bring it up casually one day?
>>
Girl here. Is it really odd that I like older guys (and no, I don't habe daddy issues). Older guys have appealed to me since I was young but I understand that most people dislike men with baggage.
>>
girls, how much attention do I need to give her on a pre-relationship vibe?
I mean, we've been doing similar patterned 'last seens' every hour on whatsapp, srsly
I just don't want her to start feeling cold because of it
>>
Since coming on 4chan I've learned that my pussy is disgusting and horrible (I'm an outie roastie whatever) and thus I am unfuckable.

Funny thing is, before I learned this I thought that part of me was okay. I mean, I guess I'm pretty or something I've got a good body people tell me Im beautiful I've gotten lots of play from "Alpha" guys I've had lots of men eat my pussy and love it … but now I feel genuinely ashamed and terrible about myself. How can I even continue to think I am fuckable? My heart feels broken about this because there is nothing I can do.
>>
>>16589565
Stop taking /r9k/ so seriously.
>>
>>16589565
Yeah, you're on 4chan. I'm pretty sure everyone hates vaginas here. If you're a lady with a feminine penis, though...

But yeah, I kind of know how that feels. Except this is me.

>>16589452

My advise wouldn't be worth shit, but if a woman is willing to do it with me, I wouldn't be fucking complaining.
>>
>>16589573
Who are you? What is a feminine penis? And why would I have lived my entire life without having any man be grossed out by me? Until now?
>>
>>16589215
I was trying to touch upon the typical insecurities brought up when people discuss polyamory.
It's interesting how you're so convinced I couldn't possibly be telling the truth. You're convinced I must be unhappy even if I say I'm not.
I'm not doing this because I feel like I have to. No one is coercing me into this. You're acting like I'm just doing this to keep someone. You think I'm either a slut or someone doing it out of fear, huh?
I've done monogamy and liked it and I've done polyamory and liked it. I don't rank one over the other.

Why is this so threatening to you? If you really think I'm just confused and this is a phase, why do you care if I crash and burn? Your stance is that you're worried about me getting hurt but you aren't actually caring about how I feel. I don't get the impression that you care about me at all.
>>
>>16589581
Just give it up. You're done. Nobody wants you with your blown-out ugly pussy. Doesn't matter how "pretty" you are when they go down they're going to be disappointed and never want to fuck you again. Just accept it and do something else with your life, you disgusting whore.
>>
>>16589581

Because you're not gross and there's nothing wrong with you. They're either trolling or bitter virgins. I used to think my breasts were gross because they're not perfectly perky porn D-cups, didn't take off my bra in front of my first BF for 6 months. He said he nearly died and went to heaven when I showed them to him, and I've only gotten compliments from ever guy I've been with since and they haven't been able to keep their hands off them ("you're so lucky to have those, ever girl would be jealous", i've had guys hiding my bra because they didn't want me to put it on again lel). I'm convinced I'd be told my tits were saggy and gross if I posted them on 4chan. Don't take that shit seriously, you've never had any IRL complaints, they just wish a girl would sleep with them.
>>
>>16589581
The point is you're in 4chan. People here have impossible standards.

What is more possible to believe? That you're completely normal (as supported by the fact that guys have loved eating your pussy) or you're not fuckable (as evidenced by the words of virgin neckbeards on 4chan)?

Then again I'm not one to talk, I have a 2.5" penis ffs.
>>
>>16589581
Boo hoo. Validate me 4chan! I'm afraid that i'm just a worthless cunt with a female penis that scares men when they see it.

That's right, bitch. Nothing else matters. Roasties make me want to vomit.
>>
>>16589592

Yeah, I'm sure we should trust the words of the virgins of r9k who've never seen a pussy in real life, instead of the guys she's had sex with that had no complaints whatsoever and loved going down on her! Great logic. Pathetic.
>>
>>16589594
Thank you. I really want to post pics here on 4chan. But my computer won't do it or they get taken off.
>>
>>16589602

DON'T. Don't post pictures on 4chan, you'll get nothing out of it (maybe some compliments on /soc/, but they won't validate your self-esteem so much it's worth it). You need to trust yourself and the guys you've been with - there's nothing wrong with you, they loved going down on you, and I'm sure they thought you were sexy and gorgeous - you just need to believe it yourself too.

The guys on r9k are fucking disgusting and not to be trusted. My douchebag friend posted a picture of our mutual friend whom he had a crush on, who they said were disgusting and gross - she's a fucking professional catwalk model and represented our city in a national pageant competition lel
>>
>>16589483
My ex was a grower so I know what it is, though I didn't know much about it beforehand.

>>16589494
I'd be glad he was taking steps to deal with it. It's untreated anxiety with someone who refuses help that is a red flag to me.

>>16589496
I'd probably avoid it. She might be embarrassed and likes to think it not noticeable.

>>16589565
4chan is not a good representation of every guy. It mostly stems from their virgin misconceptions about outies being "formed" through sex. But any guy who actually has had sex knows that isn't true. I've had an outie all my life, long before I lost my virginity.
You've slept with guys so you're obviously not unfuckable. Nothing is wrong with you.
I think they also go on and on about it because they know how bad it makes some girls feel. So that power feels good.
>>
>>16589604
Thank you.
>>
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help me out here, so there's this girl in this class in med school, from nowhere she asked if she could get my number so we could study for the upcoming exam

we've been texting eachother about everything for a bit less than a week now, she's very aggressive in her pesonality; she moved all the way from one end of the lecture hall just to sit next to me, she has a very harsh and a bitchy personality in the way that she probably doesn't have many friends in the class

we both share common heritage, and she's a bit fanatical about it, saying she "wants to further the bloodline" and meet someone who can "keep her persian blood pure"

now i don't know if she really wants me, because she's the type of girl that has many male friends, but she's very assertive and i get so many confusing signals from her

does she want to hook up, or is she just autistic?
>>
>>16589623
>"wants to further the bloodline" and meet someone who can "keep her persian blood pure"
She wants to bear your children.
>>
>>16589623
She wants your babies.
Only way she could be more direct would be to jump on your lap naked and scream "impregnate me anon!"

She might not like you personally though, maybe it's all in the skin color for her. Decide by yourself if you are ok with that-
>>
My girlfriend doesn't like that I'm losing weight. I love this woman, I don't care that she's a little overweight. I'm getting fit and she thinks I'll no longer find her attractive, but that's not the case. She has threatened to break up with me if I keep going to the gym.

I wanted to propose to her on Christmas (we celebrate it in January) but now I'm having second thoughts. We've been together four years, I lost 40lbs this year.

How do I convince her she's wrong? I'm doing this for her (and for me) but she doesn't believe me.
>>
>>16589631
>>16589640
well, that's what i first thought, i mean, she's a very aloof to others in class, but is really friendly towards me, for example, if someone tries to strike a conversation with her she just gives an ominous glare and shuts them down, but with me; she greets me with hugs as soon as she sees me, she hugs me

she's also a bit dominant, for example she wanted to know which route i would take to school, when we had a common, she said that we should take the same bus, and that i should meet her at the exact time she gave me, she also, quite humorously bought a pack of cigarettes for me as a "christmas present", she also states how she can't picture herself with anything other than a persian man; so that's a plus

but the reason why i'm doubting her is that she hasn't gone any further than that, plus that she has quite alot of male friends, who may or may not just hover around her

how should i assess if she really wants me, and how should i proceed?
>>
guys, why are you such loser faggots that cant handle rejection/cant take a hint to fuck off?
>>
>>16589681
I can't tell if you're trolling us or if you're just actually painfully dense.

Do you like her? Do you enjoy her being dominant? Can you see you two getting married and having a cute bundle of Persian children?

Ask her out, you dunce.

Personally I think she sounds insane and I would avoid her if she was going after me. But if you like the insanity, go for it.
>>
>>16589405
no
>>
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>>16589683
I can. All I have to do is call my friends, drive to their houses, then drive to the best bar we can find, and hang out

Then, since prostitution is legal in this country, we might get laid (I have a shitload of condoms, courtesy from the hospital)

And the next week, I try again with another girl. Not everyone is a looser ITT
>>
>>16589677
You don't need to convince her she's wrong. You don't defeat irrationality with rationality. Those aren't the terms on which she's engaging you.

You need to convince yourself that this is not an acceptable situation. Notice I'm not calling it an argument or a problem. It's a reality. This is something going on in your relationship which you have no control over. It's a matter of established fact.

Guys who don't understand this are the ones who end up miserable, either when their insecure girlfriends become insecure wives or when said girlfriends/wives cheat because they feel unloved or inadequate. You can't fix this. Only she can fix this. That's either going to happen from her pudgy little heart or you're going to have to face something about her which you never knew. Get your head on straight.
>>
>>16589681
She obviously wants your dick, holy shit man.
>>
>>16589589
I never said you were unhappy. I said you were ignorant. At no point did I saw it was threatening me either. I don't give a fuck about you or your feelings or if you get hurt. My stance is against polyamory, not your instance of it. I think it's a shitheap that new age faggots pile onto to feel like progressive special snowflakes. I don't like faggots, sluts or retards and polyamory is filled with all three.
>>
>>16589677
Sounds really similar to my friends situation.

Ohio?
>>
>>16589677
>Letting anyone else take control of your health, well-being and general confidence in yourself
Fuck her. You don't convince her of shit. Her opinion doesn't matter in this instance. It's up to her to sack up and understand that.
>>
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>>16589677
>>
>>16589053
I don't think so, but there is such thing as no tact. You can pretty much be as honest as possible as long as you practice tact.
>>
Submissive femanons

On our wedding night my extremely submissive fiancee wants me to either:

>A. Brand her with a hot iron in a prominent place to mark her as mine, probably as a tramp stamp or on her thigh
>B. Tattoo her in at least one prominent place to mark her as mine

I want to be able to show her off in backless dresses and in swimsuits though, and I don't particularly want to ruin her beautiful body, but she reeeeaaaally wanted this after we talked about doing it as a fantasy. The idea of branding her makes her much more nervous than the tattoo idea, so I'm thinking of pushing the idea of branding her body so that she might wuss out at the last minute instead of me changing my mind.

On the one hand I don't want to look weak in front of her, but on the other hand I don't want to ruin looks for a bit of sport. Thoughts? What would you be thinking before/after your bf presented you with this?
>>
>>16589163
I don't think lying is okay. If the truth "ruins what you have", what you have wasn't meant to be.
>>
>>16589767
Dom/sub isn't about "looking weak." If she loses attraction to you the minute you show concern--especially when the role of a Dom is explicitly defined as concern for the needs and safety of the sub--then you've mistaken the nature of her very immature emotions.

If you don't want to do something, say no and offer a compromise.
>>
>>16589483
Yes girls know that and pretty much don't care about what you look like soft
>>
>>16589611
Thanks
>>
>>16589773

Well yes. But even outside of the Dom/sub context my fiancee wants me to make permanent alteration to her body that I'm starting to rethink my comfort on. In that context do I have veto power over my spouse getting a marking that she really, really wants to symbolize our union?

On the one hand she's an adult and I don't own her... but on the other hand I kind of do own her.
>>
>>16589791
>do I have veto power over something I would be doing
I think you might be beyond help.

>I kind of do own her
No you don't. That's also not what D/s is. Please don't reply to me. You're living in a totally different universe.
>>
>>16589802

>your relationship dynamics must be a carbon copy of what I approve of
>don't reply to me

assblasted
>>
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Currently dating my first cousin's soon to be wife sister
Some people told me its weird and against religion or whatever


Is it ?
>>
>>16589816
Of course not.
>>
>>16589816
Nah but it does make for funny family reunions
>>
>>16589821
>>16589822
cool thanks
>>
>>16589767
I suppose if you really wanted to indulge her, help her pick out a small, subtle, symbolic tattoo. Not names or paired wedding rings or anything obvious like that. Just an image that means something to the two of you. An animal or a plant or something.

Please don't bank on her backing out of branding if you can't be direct that you don't want that.

You could also have her get a piercing. Like a little ring on her cartilage like cattle.
Or give her a collar or choker to wear to signify you owning her.

I'd suggest that if something permanent scares you, tell her that if she's giving you her body, then you want to keep it pristine. Like someone who refuses to put bumper stickers on their new car. Spin it like that.
>>
>>16589816
So here's the situation: there are two sisters. One with your cousin, the other is with you, right?

You're not related by blood or anything. It's fine.
>>
Ladies,
is it ultimate turn-off to admit insecurities and flaws?
or do I have to pretend until I am done implementing change?
like I am on a good way and want to be upfront about things
>>
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>>16589816
Isn't God ''all mercifull''?
>>
>>16589850
A relationship isn't going to work if you feel like you need to hide insecurities or flaws, or any time you're having a problem. A rational person understands everyone has their imperfections.
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