I have kids and got shared custody with my neglectful ex. They mean the world to me. after the separation i spent all my time that i could with my kids having a good time, raising them and keeping life simple.
now im in a relationship with a person who has no kids. and im seeing that despite all the overt obvious attempts to appear as if she's all for the three of us, she's really shown signs that she tolerates my kids over all.
i've presented my feelings on the matter previously siting actual statements or incidents and she'll excuse it away or just say 'she didnt know ' and apologize.
i've grown resentful that she actually wants more of my time away from them while they are with me during my weekends.
today was the final (small / petty) straw. we went to see a movie. i treated everyone; i asked what everyone wanted. the kids wanted candy and she wanted to share a popcorn with me.
during the movie while i had the bag i offered my kids some. they took the bag and returned it to me. in the corner of my eye, she regressed into a ball ; crossed arms legs and pouted that they shared any.
i asked her what was wrong - silent treatment.
so i took the bag threw it at her and told her to finish it. the rest of the night she did all she could to 'make up' for it by buying the meal after the fact and trying hard to over compensate for her selfish meltdown.
Im too close to the problem to see if it's petty for me to cut her loose or work this out. we had plans to be married and now im like fuck her when i see how shitty she is to them
You see, it's hard to have a relationship with somebody that has no kids if you have some yourself. Not because it's hard to organize or shit, but because havin kids is a HUGE step to get rid of selfishnes and immaturity. It isn't impossible, i was lucky enough to find a man that's mature and selfless way beyond his years and experience. But most people couldn't stomach being around kids if they haven't zd any themselfe. Dump her. She still got a lot of work to do. You don't want to fuck up your kids because of some egocentric pussy
>Threw the bag at her
Yeah, shes jealous, but youre a huge prick.
she pulls this shit all the time when they are around and i cant really put my foot down and get on her, because i dont want that argumentative environment around them.
i've told her directly before i didnt want anything to do with her; she blew up my phone then came to my house and blew me. then i said ok lets try again.
now im miserable.
>>16581889
im a prick
she's jealous of kids eating popcorn so he acts like a child herself
she could have been a grown up and bought what ever she wanted
>>16581890
Yeah, you sound way to immature for a relationship yourself.
perhaps.
but, ive been trying to make it work through her stupid meltdowns after stupid meltdowns.
-she had a panic attack once because while we drove on the way to our hotel one getaway weekend, i was on my phone using the internet. she felt i wasnt paying her enough attention. afterwards, of course, she apologized and swore it wouldnt happen again.
it did.
and does.
now daily little things like this happen to where i cant even see a movie without her shutting down and having a meltdown over nothing at all. I'm trying to maintain peace in my place, set and example and still be ok myself.
realistically, i blamed myself because i'd think if i had more patience or just pressed through and gave her the benefit of the doubt it would work out.
now im seeing that it's nothing i can do, nothing will ever improve and it would get worse if she moved in / we married
>>16581890
At this point its your own fault. Just ditch the chick. Your kids are worth more than sloppy blow jobs. You'll get bloweys in the future by someone more worth your time.
>>16581910
Good for you and your kids that you start to see clear. She's not relationship material. You will introduce SOOO much shit into your life if you take this any further. Run as long as you still can
yup
i have alot to think about , being it's christmas in less than a week away - thats some heavy shit to lay down on the holiday season
>>16581919
Only if you make it that way. It doesn't matter if baby jesus was morn more than 2000 years ago. Don't start with the excuses again!
tell me if im wrong on this :
im a dad
my role is to put my kids first, above all, for the rest of my life. no matter if it's my last dime, they need me until the day i die. if anyone gets that line of attention from me, then im a piece of shit.
>>16581919
Yeah dude fuck the christmas thing. I watched my friend post pone dumping a girl he basically despised for nearly two years because christmas was coming, then her birthsay, then easter, then theur anniversary, then she didn't have a car etc.
>>16581936
That's correct but realizing that and then doing a 180 because of a killer blowjob and letting her back into your life with the kids you're so worried for is fucking stupid and you're a dumb fuck for doing it.
>>16581936
You would probably benefit from not solving your issues like you do.... Throwing popcorn, passive aggressive shit. Talk to hear, explain how you feel. Make a good example for your kids
>>16581940
Kek
>>16581938
This. You want to end like that op? Do you need her to make a scene because you didn't got her more presents than your kids? Or because they ate the last cany cone?
>>16581941
Don't necessarily think the whole popcorn incident was uncalled for. If she's going to physically throw a tantrum because he shared some of their popcorn with his kids then she doesn't really deserve much in the way of a civil explanation of what she's done to wrong him.
Actions speak louder and more efficiently than words and it would have been to get a message across - "fucking cut it out."
>>16581946
exactly.
im talking to an adult, not a child. if i have to explain the levels of why it's wrong to have that attitude when it comes to sharing with my kids, then i'd lose my mind. what makes it even more strange, is they were thinking we are all one big group that intermingles - they offered her their candy and happily passed stuff to her to make it all 'fun'
to sound off, while they are doing their thing while the movie is actually on is terrible timing.
about 15 mins later she tried the misses doubtfire type exaggerated 'ohhh you can curl up next to me since its cold in here' i stayed to myself. not angry, not happy, just focused on the film trying to keep my mind off it since this shit was so small but was enough for me to say 'fuck this'
>>16581941
i promise you. we JUST had a talk about this last sunday. the whole weekend she was a bitch. complaining, calling me names , back to back criticisms so i told her to sit down and sort it out because im done with her shit.
she heard me out, cried, told me she was wrong was sorry wouldnt happen again.
the big thing she always goes to is saying 'she doesnt know when she's doing the off the wall stuff at the time', until after the fact when i tell her she's wrong then she argues a bit then says 'you should have told me while i did it'
it's a circle of nonresponsibility
Dad?
No but seriously, as the child of a situation VERY similar to this, you probably should break it off. They were together for only about a year and then she stole my dad and they ran off to another state together. I don't necessarily hate my dad or anything, he still tries to stay in contact with me and sends me money on big events, but she was able to manipulate him enough into remarrying and leaving his kids, who are going to remember that forever. (Especially my sister, who pretty much hates him at this point)
>>16581873
Sounds like you and your ex were made for each other. If you simply cannot handle being a man instead of dragging your kids along on all your dates, find a single mother to shack up with.
>>16582001
no, im with this woman regularly. the kids wanted to see a movie, so we went. it's that simple. i dont have alone time with them since she is always there ; im not limited to take them to see star wars based on if another person is there or not
>>16582009
then you need to tell her that when you are with your kids, it's a family thing, and NOT a date
if she can't handle it, boot her back to second string
