Hello /adv/
I really don't know where or how to begin. I guess my problem(s) stem from alcohol and drug abuse or, more specifically, possibly the underlying mental health issues that could have caused me to self-medicate to such a high degree. If this kind of topic interests you, please continue reading and maybe offer up some advice, a kind word of support, something to make me laugh, or even make a donation ((I am being upfront about that ([email protected]), but everything else is appreciated equally or even more so)).
To preface with a little background, I am a white male in my 30s. Growing up, I was considered to be above average intelligence, excelled in athletics, and had a lot of friends both male and female. I have always been a "successful" person, financially and socially. I got into sales early after high school and eventually made a career selling e-commerce solutions in the auto industry. I have never felt about myself the way that I think people perceive me to be, though. I feel inherently introverted and disassociated. I found that expressing some vulnerabilities with people, even in a 1-on-1 professional capacity, created a bond and made it easier to consult with them about growing their business.
Anyway, I fucked up. My drinking over the years really took a toll on my physical and mental health. It destroyed my career and my relationships with people I thought would be in my life forever. I won't get into how much I drank or how much blow I used, because I always felt that it was counter-productive to essentially brag about something so detrimental. Let's just say that I had a serious problem and I lost everything. My job, my house, my cars, my freedom, my girl, my license, my friends, and most importantly, myself. Looking back, it's easy to see why I laid in bed at night and wondered what the fuck was wrong with me. I was a shell of a person.
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>>16575806
After the last incident that left me homeless, I decided (was forced to decide) that I needed to try something different. I put myself into an inpatient rehab, initially to try to impress the judge and stay out of jail, but after that 2 month stay I decided to keep going. After the first 9 months of being clean, I was a fucking mess. I could barely leave my room at my parents’ house (she was kind enough to take me in since I was trying to help myself). I was depressed and anxiety was through the roof. So... I decided to get help for that too. I started seeing a therapist and also a psychiatrist, hoping that I could "beat this too" and be able to act "normal" again. After another 6 or 9 months or so, I started to feel exponentially better.
No one would hire me, so I decided to go to college. The last 4 semesters I have been working on a software development degree, but after adding some web development courses to my curriculum, I decided I'm more comfortable with the visual aspect of latter rather than the logical aspect of the former. I also enjoyed learning about network management.
That puts me to today. It’s been almost 3 years and I have been feeling like there is no light at the end of the tunnel. I still have not been hired. I constantly interview, sometimes getting to the 4th, 5th, even 6th interview and not get the job. I interview for jobs that pay nearly 6 figures and jobs that are part-time at a pay rate of $9/hour. No love.
Has anyone else been down this road of personal discovery and self-improvement only to have nothing happen? Is there something that is glaring in my story that I am not seeing that anyone can point out? Can anyone relate to dealing with drug and alcohol abuse? Have you been able to drink socially/moderately? I feel more disconnected than ever and wonder what the fuck I am doing wrong. I have no money, no job, and no real friends anymore, nothing.
shameless
no one can relate?
bumping
one more time
I think you need to build a circle again.
They can help you withh a lot of these things.
Be careful not to hang out with drug users tho.
Have you tried volunteering?
>>16577271
I try to help other people that went through the same rehab with rides to wherever they need to go and just be there for someone that they can confide in if they want. They all look at me differently though as they are generally younger, heroin addicts.
>>16577271
I did take a class on campus this past semester just trying to get out, ya know, but it wasn't what I expected. Only 3 other people in the class. I did talk to the one girl a lot after class. We'd always chill out and just bs for a while.... sounds ridiculous, but those little interactions are important just trying to build a little self-confidence again.
>>16577278
Don't hang out with drug addicts and don't drink.
Is you background check failing you?
Hey anon. I sent you an email
>>16577296
Yeah, it is one of the hurdles. I'm not a felon, luckily, but there are things on there are are definitely a reflection of bad character.... I'm not proud of these things and when I look back, I was just so reckless about everything. But yeah, when it comes time for the background check, my record and my last 2 former employers probably wouldn't say kind things about me.
I am hoping that some companies only check back 3 years, because then they won't see anything. Unfortunately, I can't get anything expunged or sealed.
>>16577315
Your email hit home to me too, anon. I can relate to everything you said to a tee. Thank you for the kind words... it really means a lot.
>>16577324
You're welcome anon. Good luck, man.
