Dom/sub relationship
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Hey /adv/, I recently took in a sub in an open relationship about a month ago and she's been a lot of fun.
However recently she came over with hickies on her breasts and I got incredibly upset. I went a little overboard and she had to use her safe word.
I feel it was acceptable to punish her for that, and so does she. However, I do not think it was okay to take it personally. I do not want to scare her, and I do not want to feel like I've been personally disrespected because her boyfriend wants to show her some love. How do I avoid this in the future? Anyone that had been in my shoes able to offer advice or insight?
fuck did you do to make her say the safe word
>>16565427
I cursed at her while whipping her. Which isn't new or really serious for us, but I must have really sent it home.. She wasn't sure if it was Dom me hitting her or angry me hitting her.
It was most definitely angry me-- and I am not too happy with myself right now.
>in an open relationship
>>16565432
it's not what you say it's the tone
Yeah you probably scared her
Let the tension cool off and wait a few days for her to get back to you
helps not being emotional and saying something dumb.
May I ask what the safe word was?
>>16565423
as much as the concept sounds appealing, few people (if any at all) can handle open relationships in the long run.
>>16565442
scooby doo
>>16565437
Yeah I understand that I shouldn't get emotional, but it happened. How do you not become invested about this stuff? I'm usually pretty sealed off, but for some reason this in particular really got to me.
>>16565443
Good to know. I was okay with to until this point, and its been nice to be able to see other people while having a sub.
lol @ people hitting each other and cursing at each other during sex and being in open relationships and wondering what's wrong
>>16565457
This. I don't get how people think this is slightly okay or normal.
>>16565464
Oh I get it. They grew up with some fucked family dynamic and/or are much too influenced by pornography and oversexualized media.
>open relationship
oxymoron
>>16565423
gr8 b8 m8
You fucked up. Pretty bad, honestly. The only way I can see to make it right is to get a dom to punish YOU.
I recommend a bear.
Just walk into the woods and yell, noble bears of the forest! I have been a VERY bad boy! You may have to yell for a while as bears are naturally sleepy and apathetic (especially at this time of year) but once they awaken you'll probably have quite the experience, and learn lots of new tricks to carry back to your sub.
OP, its also you who needs to know how to end a scene. When you see yourself boiling over you need to stop and distance yourself for a bit.
Being a sub and watching your Dom lose control is absolutely terrifying. When you see yourself lose your cool, you need to call it. Don't wait for her to.
>open relationship
Yeah man, you chose this. I can't really offer any advice other than maybe rethink the open part if you care as much as you seem to.
>Be in open relationship
There's your problem, fucknut.
Unless you told her that it was a rule, it was absolutely not acceptable to punish her for that... When a sub comes to you, they expect a certain level of professionalism, you should be able to control yourself, and this wasn't self control.
You knew she was in an open relationship, and if you were a real dom you would be in control enough that it wouldn't upset you.
Maybe I don't know your dynamic, but it sounds like you fucked up.
If she wants to forgive you, she will.
To avoid doing it again man, I don't know, try to remember what you got yourself into to begin with. Smh.
>>16565423
You place self imposed problems on yourself. You getting angry is a natural instinct. The same as someone coming up and punching you.
What you're doing is trying to train yourself into this fucked up way of thinking. Why?
You're asking "how to not be invested." Listen to yourself here. You're asking us for advice on how to dehumanize yourself.
That should give you an instinct just as to how much open relationships are fucked up, and how the people who enter into them have mental issues.
Rather than ask us how to not get invested, why don't you question if what you're really doing is mentally healthy, and evaluate why you're trying to go against the grain here.
Not bad. Get a tougher sub though.
Mine's safeword is when the paramedics arrive.
Like everyone else said, why would you enter an open relationship if you would get this butt-hurt over it?
>>16566306
Some may argue that monogamy is not natural. We are constrained by our visceral tendencies either way.
