So I recently broke up with my ex. We dated for just over. I hurt her and I know that. We spoke about getting back together, she said she needs time, but is willing to try next year. I know she has been spending time with other guys and has made new friends, I am just hoping that is a way to help with her self esteem.
I do know I really fucked up and I want her back in my life. It wasnt an ugly break up and we are really good friends.
My only question is, do I still message her? We spoke about getting back together next year. Both of us live in seperate towns and now are off on holiday. So I will only see her in 2-3 months.
Like I still want her to know how much I care about her, but I dont want to come across as needy. Like how do I build up her trust again? The whole making her jealous childish bullshit wont work here.
Just over a year*
Date other girls.
>>16512969
coz dating other girls is going to gain her trust?
I have already hooked up with/seen other girls since the break up and to be honest I couldnt care less about them, they may be considered better looking, but I really coudnt give a fuck. I just thought about her. She was so loyal and cared so much about me, gave everything to me and I wish I hadnt failed to see that. She is my best friend.
She's gonna keep pushing you/staling you until she finds the right guy to move on from you. Probably likes you trying to find her/keep in touch.
If she falls back with you, she played everyone else in the field and couldn't find anyone better than someone that hurt her. Sounds like a happy future.
>>16512995
Thats what I was thinking. But she seemed keen to start again next year. I will be seeing her as soon as she comes back, I doubt she will find anyone during the holiday though as she is going to be with her family for the most part.
I didnt cheat on her, and the breakup was not a bad one. I just told her I felt like I was losing my friends, I dont know what I want and am not sure if I am ready for such a serious relationship. She understood. Now I know what I want. Am ready for a relationship and figured out why I was losing my friends, it wasnt because of me being in a relationship, it was just my own doing.
>>16512982
What did you do to her?
>>16512995
She still replies with I love you too. Her one friend came up to me the other night and asked me about things. She said she wants us to get back together, she had once broken up with her boyfriend and immediately regretted it and now they have been together for 3 more years. I guess its just nice to have one of her friends rooting for me.
>>16513014
I came back after going to a festival with all my friends, kind of taunting me about how good being single is. Asked me why I was dating her etc. I had been seeing her a lot the days before that and I guess I just needed space, then I just kind of told her that I just need to figure out what I want first. We cried, still spoke after and went for coffee and saw each other briefly.
>>16513011
Know what's great about next year? It's next year! It's easy to say things that you'll do in months upon months time. Yeah it's cynical but if you're sitting on your hands waiting for next year, she's gonna say the same thing for 2017. Sorry.
You felt that you were growing up too fast in the relationship. Not a problem but you could've worked on friends and relationship at the same time - which is easy to see and say now, I understand.
But you have to take into consideration what she wants. Maybe she wants the old you but then she knows that you hurt her and she doesn't like the new you, which you like. You just don't know what she wants and you have to take that to heart and start reducing your time/effort on her/understanding what you'll never know.
>>16513022
Single friends bragging about singlehood with their friend in a relationship. They got you good. They'd kill for what you have but they'll never admit it.
>>16513025
Makes sense I guess. Well there would be no other option but to try again next year as we literally like 1000km apart and our finals at our university just ended, so we both have gone home. So I guess I will know when she gets back, whether she wants to or not. We spoke about skyping sometime, just not sure if this is a good idea or not?
>>16513033
Yeah, I realised that. I guess it was just that combined with the fact that she practically lived with me for 3 weeks and I live in a small one man apartment, so things did get a bit much for me at the time. God I hope things work out.
>>16513037
Its just college your making me laugh
Dont sweat it
You are probably texting her right now
>>16513037
I implore you to think of asking her but...gauge her response. Is your own desire for the relationship blinding you to a girl that could be unintentionally stringing you along?
Have you expressed that you regret how you handled it without making it look like your begging? Since she could take you back and then turn around and dump you.
I just feel. you just need to move on - easier said then done. I honestly think she's done with you and you lingering is making it more difficult for the both of you. It's going to be an invaluable learning experience for you.
>>16513043
You say that, and I know it seems like I am just young and I will get over it quickly. It's just that this girl was different. I have been in plenty relationships before, I get a fair amount of attention from better looking girls and all I think about is her, its not like she was the one that rejected me. I dumped her and I regret it. Like nothing before. Her family liked me, she was smart, beautiful and we just connected. I have never felt so comfortable with someone before.
I just dont know how to deal with it now. If she had broken up with me and I wanted to get back with her, I would be trying to better myself, only speak to her briefly and try and make her jealous/see what she is missing out on.
But because I was the one that broke up with her, I dont know whether I should be giving her time or whether I should be talking to her all the time, trying to show her how much she means to me and try show her that I wont hurt her again.
>>16513050
Well she asked me for coffee on the day before we left. So we went on like a little coffee date and I said goodbye, she told me the holidays wont be long and she will see me next year. I also wrote some soppy letter and gave it to her then. I never used to write letters, she was always into leaving me cute notes and shit, so I thought it would be a good idea. Printed out some photos of us together and wrote a letter apologising.
I sent her this a while back
"truth is I cant even sleep, I feel sick to my stomach knowing that I have hurt you. I just don't want to give up on us so easily. I dont want to lose my best friend nor do I want to give up on the person that I love. I know this is going to take time, just take as much time as you need. I will always be here and I am willing to wait as long as it takes. I am willing to change if need be and who knows things may be the same or better one day. Goodluck with your exams, hope you managed to get some more sleep than i did. Love you"
She replied with this
" while i couldn't sleep last night i thought a lot and then i got your message...i also don't want to give up easily or lose my best friend i really do just need some time to get over this bump and fix myself properly instead of just crying and eating. like i said i can't give you a set time that i can try again because i don't know how long i will take but i do know i don't want to lose you... you are way too special to lose. just give me some time okay? i do still love you so much however i am just sad and hurting right now"
Just to give some context.
