How many?
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You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
I'm curious, because my situation is a little weird, but how many serious relationships have all of you had?
I've only had one my whole life, and they were my first everything. I've never even been out on a date with anyone before I met them, and now we're getting married and I love it, but I feel like I have no one to talk to about it since everyone I know has had at least a handful of relationships they can look back on, but I have zilch and I feel like I can't relate to anyone about it, especially when they talk about past relationships going bad, and I'm over here like, "yeah, I've never experienced that."
It makes me feel very conceited
>>16481305
>It makes me feel very conceited
Either shit can happen slowly over time, or it can happen all at once. Don't get too arrogant, a piece of paper does not correlate to life long success.
>>16481312
?
I'm not trying to boast, just that I have no one to relate to in terms of relationships in my immediate peer group and that it's a bit frustrating when everyone can relate to it but myself, because I've just never experienced it.
I've had 3
In highschool, for 2 years, but we broke it off after we graduated. Then another for almost a year, then another for 6 months. I'm dating around right now, but yeah, I just don't feel like trying anymore, for anything serious at least
>>16481305
You are very lucky. I've been in three relationships so far, and I'm getting more tired and bitter with each one. Fuck you and your happiness, go away.
This is the absolute catch-22 of life. You'll either stick with your first good LTR and regret not getting to experience other girls, casual sex etc etc and become bitter, or you'll end up regretting leaving that one girl that was actually a decent person.
From my personal opinion though (I came very close to getting engaged to my first gf years ago) the latter is better, because even though you might regret leaving her, you can't experience this unless you leave her. Having a couple of different LTRs or casual lays puts you in a much better position in life, it's a part emotional/social development. Think about it, if your HS sweetheart leaves you at 35 you're practically still a high schooler relationship wise whilst others will have basically 20 years on you.
Think real hard before marrying your first gf OP, and if you doubt if it's the right choice, it isn't.
>>16481391
we met in college, and it's been 5 years now. I've just never felt like I was good enough to date anyone, I was always that weird anime kid in HS who didn't have a lot of friends , but at least I was sociable.
The person I'm with now, it's just the best feeling, they're my best friend. Of course they've had other relationships, and they felt bad about how clean my slate is. When they found out, they even wanted to know if I wanted to try dating other people just for me to try it out. ( I guess that must be a weird feeling for them too). Right now, I feel I would regret it all horribly if I went and ended it. We are so embedded in each others lives already, it would probably break me and probably them too, and I don't know if I could even imagine that, man.
>>16481459
why do you talk about your gf in plural? kinda weird
anyways if you are sticking to this person because "they" is the only person to ever treat you not like shit, I will guarantee you it will end with you becoming too clingy, pushing her away and one day you'll get home, see her bags packed and a divorce statement on the table and you'll have no idea where the fuck it came from.
Get out there, experience the world. The dating market shifts in your favor with every passing year. Don't settle just because you have low confidence
>>16481305
There is no formula for life. If yours worked out for you, great. You don't have to be able to relate to everyone on everything.
That's the IDEAL for many, including me. To have one life-long, loving partner.
Be thankful you can't relate with misfortune.
>>16481391
The weird feeling, is that I don't really regret not having the experience of other relationships whenever I think of who I'm with already. Sometimes, Of course I think a lot of other people are hot, and have bangin' sexy fantasies, about them, but it's just sex, something hormonal that doesn't measure to my mental needs.
>>16481507
Your replies are just making me hate myself even more. Congrats, you have everything I want whatever blah blah blah. Can you please stop and go to sleep.
>>16481507
Who said it has to be a big deal? It's only as important as you make it.
>>16481511
What exactly is the problem? You don't seriously want to experience heart break do you? Sounds like you just want to be part of the group so you can be all "yeah I've been in shitty relationships too!! XD".
What a waste of time. Be glad you haven't experienced it.
>>16481305
my advice is, don't give a flying fuck about other people and their relationships.
everyone is different. if you love each other and are happy, good for you. enjoy it!
I'm in my mid 30s now and hat 4 LTR of at least 2 years or more. I've been with my current girl for 8 years now and we're getting married next year.
I think I only know she's the one because of my past experiences.
but everyone is different. so just enjoy what you have and forget what everyone else thinks.
one thing I can say for sure though, don't get married too soon. I'd say in the first 1-2 years you haven't hit a real bump in the road. those happen later, after the falling in love period ends. if you can overcome those, then you're good.
for me and my girl that was a bout 3 years ago, we were constantly fighting and almost broke up. but now that we're past that, I think we can overcome anything.
>>16481507
if you openly communicate about sex in your relationship it gets better over time and to a point where one night stands or fuckbuddies can't even compare.
I've had amazing sex with a lot of women, but nothing comes close to having sex with my gorgeous wife and mother of my children.
>>16481472
well, I was trying to keep this gender neutral so people can relate better, but I'm a girl.
I'm actually really content with myself. Introverted, but I don't have low self esteem. A lot of other guys have been interested in me, but I've always just been terrible with seeing anyone as someone who could fit my weird, nerdy life, so I've never tried expanding on relationships before.
He started out as a good friend.
We're actually doing long distance currently (they'll be back this week for fall break, he's still in school), but life is still good. We used to live together during school, but I graduated and now I'm working.
True, I was clingy, at first ( he was my first boyfriend of course) but I mellow'd out I'd like to think. We're so used to each other now. We just play our separate games on steam, and make short yet meaningful comments every now and then, it's still bliss though.
>>16481391
this is very true. I have a friend in that position. he married his first GF, now 20 years later, they are getting a divorce and he has no clue how to date or even talk to women.
BUT
only you and your girl can decide what's right for you. if you've been together for 5 years, still love each other and are happy together, what does it matter how other peoples relationships turned out?
I know just as many people who have been together since HS or college as I do people who've only known each other for a year or two.
there is no formula to a happy relationship.
every single relationship is different
>>16481546
then by all means, ENJOY IT and be happy!
what you describe sounds a lot like me an my soon to be wife. she's a little weird and socially awkward, and I love that about her so so much. I find it so cute and adorable and wouldn't want it any other way.
she calls me her safe place and that fits me perfectly because I'm the protective type. someone else might feel totally different about it and might even hate that she doesn't want to go out much or be around people. but for me, she's the perfect woman in every way.
and that's all that matters, that you and him love each other and feel like you're a perfect fit. everything else doesn't matter!
>>16481546
Ahhh girl! Just stop. Seriously, whatever is running through your head stop it. I know here on 4chan they like to make it seem like girls can get with any guy they want and it'll all work out for them, but it's bs alright? This guy is kind and offering you a good life then you better hold on to it and never let go. Dick is just dick - I'm telling you this from experience, it's just. dick. Don't second guess this, you probably just miss him right now is all and are getting stupid ideas. Go play some games or read a book. Even better - go watch the thorn birds. Make plans to see him asap. Get off /adv/
>>16481522
It's just that it's such a big part of life. Movies, songs, all that stuff, revolves around having heart break and past experiences. It feels like I have a huge disconnect with that world and it feels so foreign not being a part of it.
It's also always a topic of conversation that always pops up for me, Someone would be talking about their relationships and then they would ask me,"Oh, I've had the same boyfriend my whole life and now I'm going to marry them," it just blows their mind and then they can't talk to me anymore about it, and I understand why. It's just the feeling of exclusion in this big life that makes me feel like an outcast to my friends and family
>>16481556
this a thousand times.
it all comes down to if you both feel the same way. nothing else!
if you don't want anybody else because he makes you feel safe/happy/at home/whatever, and he feels the same way, then fuck what other people think or do.
It's your fucking life/relationship!
If you're both happy, enjoy every second of it. there are so many people out there that search all their life for what you have. don't take it for granted or throw it away because of what other people tell you is right or wrong!
>>16481558
please stop!! please please please don't throw this away because you want to "fit in"!
listen, one thing I've learned over the years and a good handful of LTRs is this:
your relationship with each other, is yours and yours alone. NOTHING what happens OUTSIDE of that relationship should have any control over what happens INSIDE of your relationship. if you try to steer your relationship into a certain direction just so you can fit into some kind of norm, you will fail miserably and probably lose what once made you happy.
just trust me on this. it's not worth throwing away something other people search their whole life for, just so you can sit at a table with your friends and bitch about men and your failed relationships.
if anything, they're just jealous of what you have.
if after 5 years you went through ups and downs, and you're still happy together, marry that man, and never look back!
>>16481572
this!
if your friends and family can't be happy for you and what you have cut them out of your life. you have something that most people wish they had and some people never find.
you might regret it for the rest of your life throwing away your one chance of true happiness.
and for what? so you have a "failed" relationship to talk to your friends about?
>>16481305
>how many serious relationships have all of you had?
Zero
>how many relationships. have all of you had?
Zero
I'm 26, I've accepted the fact that I am a loser but I've promised myself to wait until 30 to kill myself. I'd like to think something might happen in that time but who am I kidding, I had a noose with my name on it.
>>16481572
>>16481574
I really appreciate yours and everyone's comments, I don't plan on ever breaking this thing off, because it's indeed the best thing in my life. I don't wish for heartbreak for myself, it's just that seeing it inflicted on my close friends is hard. My advice would be shit if I tried to help, so I get that useless friend feel.
This all even started because of just this. My friend has been in a handful of bad relationships, and she's going through another one right now, and I feel useless. What do I even say, mannnn
>>16481581
Don't let your age and how many relationships you've had define your life. If you can't find that person, go do something you love and take care of yourself, and someday they'll walk right in.
>>16481591
ok I can kind of relate to that. but you don't always have to give advice to be a good or "useful" friend. just pick them up, be there for them and help in any way you can.
like I said, I've had a couple of relationships in my life and have now been happy for 8 years and I still can't give advice to my friends on how to find a perfect match. that's not how this whole falling in love thing works.
and besides, you actually can give good advice! you can tell them what has worked for you!
a lot of my female friends keep doing the same stupid mistakes when it comes to men and dating, and I just try to tell them what has worked for me and my relationship to give them another perspective.
don't worry too much about it, just be there to listen, that's what good friends do.
there are so many situations in life where you just can't relate because you haven't experienced it first hand but you can still be there and listen. just look at therapists. they haven't experienced everything their patients tell them, but they can still help by listening.
>>16481604
your words are really helpful, man.
>>16481609
glad I could help!
and now call your man and tell him you love him! :)
>>16481602
>Don't let your age and how many relationships you've had define your life.
The older I get there is less of a chance to find someone, all my friends are already married.
>go do something you love
Been trying to but it's weird because the same people I spent all my life caring for, who weren't there when I needed them all think I'm an asshole for finally doing stuff for myself.
>someday they'll walk right in.
With my luck they'll walk in right as I kick the chair from under me.
>>16481610
at least that's what I just did ;)
called my cute socially awkward girlfriend and told her how much I love her and she was like "dafuq's up with you, you gaylord?!" :D
>>16481581
I know that feel bro. I'm on the 30 and out plan aswell. Maybe we can still make it...
>>16481613
>The older I get there is less of a chance to find someone, all my friends are already married.
The older you get the higher the chance that you will have found the one you will be with for the rest of your life. It's simple mathematics.
Let me pull a number out of my arse, you can choose any other percentage you like.
Say the chance that you will meet the one you will be with for the rest of your life is 2% on average every year ever since your 15th birthday. So the chance that you will not have met your partner for life when you were 15 is 98% or 0.98.
The chance that you will not have met your partner for life when you were 16 also is 98% or 0.98.
The cumulative chance that you will not have met your partner for life when you were 15 or 16 would then amount to 0.98 times 0.98 equalling roughly 0,96 or in other terms 0.98^2
Extrapolating the chance that you will not have met your partner for life after 10 years can therefor be expressed as 0.98^10 equalling 0,817.
Conversely this means that the chance to have met your partner for life after 10 years since your 15th birtday would be 18.3%.
After 20 years it would be 33.2%.
Now obviously these numbers are entirely made up, but the math behind it holds true. Every year you go on living the chances to have met your partner for life will have increased, not lessened.
>>16481830
To add to that:
I never had sex until I was 24. I didn't have sex for the next 5 years either and I finally got my first ever gf this year after I turned 29.
