Was this wrong?
Images are sometimes not shown due to bandwidth/network limitations. Refreshing the page usually helps.
You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
I don't know what to think anymore and I have no idea what to do, this is affecting me so much and I haven't been able to stop thinking about it. I just really, really need help please.
So a couple of months ago it was my 21st birthday, and I went out to the pub with my boyfriend (now ex) and friends.
I drink probably a couple of times every couple of weeks, but I either only have a few drinks or get really drunk. I'm a little bit of a light weight and don't know my limits with some alcohol. That night I drank a bit before going out and then drank a bit more while out.
I got very drunk and don't remember anything at all.
My boyfriend and best friend took me back to bf's place, and I woke up the next morning with both of us naked, with very clear evidence that we'd had sex.
My question is, was that wrong on his part?
When I realised what had happened and after he told me most of the details of the night, I didn't really know what to think or how I felt. I have a history with sexual abuse that's given me PTSD and honestly, I feel sick just writing this all out.
I've tried not to dwell on this because it just gives me so many negative feelings, but I'm at the point where I can't stop thinking about it. Sometimes I have nightmares about it, and thinking about it causes me a lot of anxiety and stress.
I don't really know what else I'm asking, I guess I just need some advice please.
>>16477289
He was able to take you back to his place, so I think it's clear that he took advantage of you. I'm not a feminist consent nazi, but the situation just sounds wrong. I'd be more forgiving if you were both very drunk, but he was able to take care of you.
>>16477301
It takes a lot for him to get drunk, and from what everyone's told me, he wasn't that drunk at all.
I just really don't know what to do or how I should feel about it. I haven't been able to look at him the same since, and we only recently broke up.
I should mention that he was very emotionally abusive too. The amount of anxiety this has caused me is unbelievable.
>>16477331
Try your best to move on, because he doesn't sound like someone of value.
>>16477373
Thank you, I'll try. I just want to forget I ever met him desu
>>16477289
It doesn't matter how drunk he was, or whether you have had sex before, or even whether you were willing at the time.
The only thing that matters - in morality and in law - is that you were in no shape to give "informed consent", so that even your "Yes" if there was one, meant "No."
There is a real gap between that and violent rape, but there is a much bigger gap between that and the right thing to do.
It is up to you what to do now. You would be well within your rights to break with him or to forgive him. The one thing you must NOT do is think any of this is your fault.
>i go out and abuse alcohol (repeatedly when I know I can't handle alcohol and it impairs my judgement) and then have sex and then like to pretend I was in a coma and some guy RAPED ME (MY BOYFRIEND!!!!)
Why are women such a fucking joke, seriously? You insult actual rape victims by being so fucking stupid.
>>16478451
I honestly have to agree with this guy.
He was your boyfriend -,- not your goddamn step-dad. Have you had sex before?? If you did, why is this such a problem??
You mention alcohol abuse before, MAYBE you should stop drinking so goddamn much and you wouldn't find yourself date raped
you're fucked in the head OP - no fucking joke
get over yourself
>>16478472
>>16478451
You do realize though that your SO or husband CAN rape you.
My ex bf and I used to have sex regularly, but there were times when I didn't want to and he held me down by force and used my body for sex.
Other times the SO can blackmail or threaten their partner to get them to have sex.
Situations like this and the one that OP described are forms of rape. You're never allowed to assume that someone is "Down for sex" unless they explicitly consent right before.
Just because you're in a relationship does not mean that there is always consent.
That being said, it doesn't sound like this guy is a "rapist", he probably just made a bad call and was horny- op might have also drunkenly seduced him who knows?
Op, next time make it explicitly clear AHEAD OF TIME what you want to happen that night. Your ex should not have done what he did, but he's not a rapist. He probably just didn't realize that you would be uncomfortable with the situation.
>>16478489
>having to disclose to a partner 'i dont want to have sex tonight no matter how drunk i get' before going out
>implying those two posts said people can't rape their SOs
>staying with someone who actually physically forces you for sex
it seems like you need to stop dating shit cunts and actually think a little, we can go beyond the technicalities of law because this is a matter of common sense
