Rape or not?
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You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
A girl that I REALLY cared about just cut contact beause she thinks I sexually violated her. This is what happened:
We were extremly good freinds, I'd say best friends until recently. And I was perfectly fine with that, until well, one evening shit escalated. We were kinda checking each other out because we found both each other hot, I noticed she was kinda turned on, and at some point I started to seduce her. Talking dirty, turning her on etc. She did resist at first, said "maybe we shouldnt do this", sad sometimes "no" because she was afraid for our friendship - but it was not in a serious way! She kept blushing, and giggling and could SEE that she was turned on. So I proceeded to turn her on and dirty talk her until she got so turned on, she stopped resisting and we fucked. During the sex, she was begging me not to stop, told me to go harder on her and came several times, then we came together. Afterwards we cuddled and she told me that she loved it, that I'm a good fuck etc, and she looked extremly pleased and happy. I asked her if everything was alright, and she said yes. She even asked me later if we can keep fucking, and I said yes, and we fucked two other times. Both times she was putting up resistance first, but after getting turned on gave herself to me completly and enjoyed it. This power dynamic play also turns her on, so I also thought her being hesitant is part of what turns her on.
A few days later, she pops up out of nowhere and is like "yeah you fucking raped me I cannot ever see you again"
Did I actually rape this girl? I feel so disgusted with myself. I can't fucking take it. The possibility of me having violated her like a swine, hurts more than the fact that she cut me out of her life.
What do you think /adv/ ? How can I apologize? I know an apology wont make things better - but do you think there is a way to save this friendship, make it platonic again and kinda take away the pain?
Umm she is a crazy slut.
There is some leeway if she was actually being more serious with the no's in the first place. And if any contact initeated against her will, then yeah you're fucked. Girls can enjoy rape play, but you shouldn't just keep trying if she says 'no' , that was your clue to fuck off.
You can't force her to drink tea even if ahe said yes a few weeks back.
>>16458204
She is not crazy, and not a slut. She was raped several times in the past though, so I might have completly miscalculated the situation.
She said no, but I wanted it to happen anyway. She definetly had objections, but she also was turned on. I just kept pushing by turning her on, until she gave in and we fucked. She told me it felt good, it felt right etc afterwards, we cuddled, everything seemed normal.
But I can see where I went wrong. I shouldnt have kept pushing her to it....she kinda list control of herself because I kept turning her on, and I should have just stopped.
I feel so fucking bad right now
>>16458216
lol bub you did nothing wrong... This shit happened to me in high school. I guarantee she loved it all the way through and now she thinks its a mistake and she is calling rape, Thats what women do they are fucking stupid and don't care about anything.
Best thing for you to do is just stop talking to her completely dont respond to anything she ever sends you because if she wants she can actually get you on rape charges now... So if i was you... play it safe for a little while.
>>16458213
Well, you see....she was afraid for our friendship in the first place. When I kept turning her on, she definetly GOT turned on and she liked it....but she was saying "no", and "this is not a good idea"....but not in this distressed "dude fuck off"-way. It was this....guilty type pleasure thing like "Oh god this feels good but we should sto- OH GOD THIS FEELS GOOD". Since she is also naturally into getting dominated, it was a very thin line for me to recognize if she is being playful, or if she is being serious.
Aterwards we kept fucking - she says she did it to rationalize it, kinda stockholme syndrom type of way, you know?
Do you have any idea how I could fix this relationship atleast SOMEWHAT ?
>>16458197
I dont know. This is one of those more complex scenarios. I can vouch for her in the sense that getting turned on/wet is out of our control. Even women who were forcibly raped in the first degree can still get wet and even orgasm because it is a bodily response, not in our control..
However, I find it strange that after, she wanted to have sex again. That tells me that it wasn't rape. But the fact that she said no, and you kept going, tells me that it is rape.
I think the best thing to do, possibly to save your own ass, is apologize that emotions got out of hand, and you understand not to speak anymore.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rvdYly4A5W0
>>16458231
How do you know she was afraid of breaking a friendship?
>>16458229
Actually, it was her who broke off contact. I am trying to fix things here. She won't press charges.
And yes, she did enjoy it. But she said I shouldnt have pushed further when she told me to stop, because once she got turned on, she lost control. Apparently she didnt want it to happen, and I just supressed her will by turning her on more and more.
>>16458231
Keep your hands to yourself and only speak if spoken to. Right now you've lost her. You might want to apologise and confess you were mixed up with her signals, then accept your fate.
>>16458235
She told me so several times before we fucked.
>>16458232
>Even women who were forcibly raped in the first degree can still get wet and even orgasm
Well you see, I didnt put my dick forcibly inside her. Its like...she didnt really want it to happen, but I kept turning her on, dirtytalking etc until she got so turned on, that she kinda begged me to fuck her and not to stop.
>However, I find it strange that after, she wanted to have sex again.
Well first, because the sex was really good. And second, she says it was because she wanted to rationalize it. Kinda like "If we keep fucking, then it was all mutual in the first place, and not rape", to not feel bad about it.
>and you understand not to speak anymore.
I would love to speak to her further though, as friends, as it used to be. I understand that wont be possible, but something must be possible to be done about it.
>>16458232
>I can vouch for her in the sense that getting turned on/wet is out of our control. Even women who were forcibly raped in the first degree can still get wet and even orgasm because it is a bodily response, not in our control..
This is completely false, there is a difference between male and female sexuality in that women are very capable of separating their physical and emotional arousal, if you came from being raped chances are you weren't seriously against it.
In regards to OP, she's dumb, but be careful if she can ruin your life with rape accusations. Tell her you assumed the entire time she was playing hard to get and you only kept going because she was asking you to / enjoying herself so much.
>>16458243
I'm basing this off my own experience and what I've learned in therapy. When I was ten years old I was raped by an old man and had an orgasm. I didn't even understand what was happening to me.
What a fucking story, clearly not rape OP
desu should have been more cautious. Rape victims are even worse at saying no thna normal girls.
>>16458246
While I'm very sorry to hear that the confusion may have played a part in it, but for older women who are not intoxicated there is a clear ability to be distinct about this sort of feeling.
>>16458243
>Tell her you assumed the entire time she was playing hard to get
This is what I actually assumed. She is into that whole dominance thing, so I kept kinda pushing - but not physical, only turning her on to the point where she could not resist anymore because so turned on. Then we had great sex.
But apparently she doesnt like it, because it was against her original will, what I totally can understand.....is there any way to mend this relationship in the future or is it permanently fucked?
>>16458197
I'd say you fucked up. Apologize and avoid her if you can. Should have backed off after second no.
>>16458239
This is stupid.
Women should not be allowed to do this
bro, that wasn't rape, fuck what the faggot SJW's say, if it was rape, she would've resisted for THE WHOLE TIME YOU FUCKED, so don't feel bad mate, all this political correctness spread by the media is fucking up peoples minds, don't let them fuck you too.
So to hell with that girl, find another one and chill the fuck up
>>16458197
It sounds more like after-the-fact regret, which is not quite the same thing.
But one line in your post suggests that, if you were not technically guilty this time, you still are capable of it some other time:
>She did resist at first, said "maybe we shouldnt do this", sad sometimes "no" because she was afraid for our friendship - but it was not in a serious way!
It is NOT your place - or your option - to decide how "serious" a NO is. No means no, and you had better learn that.
This time you may have legitimately changed her mind - though we have only your version of what happened next - but next time you may guess wrong just how "serious" she is.
