What are some ways to tell if someone working service is being friendly/flirty for a tip or if they're into you?
There's this girl I see often who works at a cafe and she always greets me with a warm smile, asks me how I am, calls me pet names, etc.
I'm inclined to pass it off as what it normally is, just a girl being good at her job, but today she took her break outside where it was just me and her. That struck me as unusual because I know I give off a vibe that people tend to avoid, like I basically just have issues with personal space and sort of assume it's the same way for others so I can't really talk to a person unless they initiate. In the daytime at least.
But with women that's obviously a flawed way of going about things so idk, where does one draw the line between service courtesy and interest and should I not just grow a pair and talk to her, at the risk of coming off as the guy who hits on women working service because they're made to be nice to him?
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"Forget it" at the cash register after she rings you up
>>16457485
Fantastically autistic idea for my very autistic thread job well done man.
hm
The rule of thumb is this: if she is at work, it is for a tip. Treat this as having no exceptions. If she is into you, she can approach off the clock. Nobody enjoys being hit on at work anyway.
Its simple OP. Be confident, be calm. Don't try and whisper, don't be discreet or try to avoid other people hearing. Just like any other conversation, tell her something along these lines, "hey, insert name here, I really enjoy talking with you here and I was hoping I could get to know you more outside of your job. When are you free to go get a drink?" The way you phrase the question at the rnd is important, it isnt "can I take you to grt a drink," it is " when can...", using phrasing, eliminate "no" as a response. Then after that, whether she says yes, no, or makes up an excuse, no matter what you are feeling on the inside, treat her exactly how you did every time you went in there before you asked. People fear change and if you suddenly act like everything is different it will make her uncomfortable and possibly kill any future chances. Be cool, be calm, be in control.
>>16457474
Don't overthink it, just go with your gut. There's no harm in asking a girl out. Don't be a creep, don't spend too much time "hitting on" her while she's trying to work, just calmly ask her if she'd like to go to dinner with you next weekend, and give her your phone number.
Based on the way you've described it, it sounds like you've got a decent shot. It sounds like she's being genuinely friendly, past the point of professional politeness. That doesn't necessarily mean she wants your dick, but you'll never know unless you ask.
>>16458463
That goes without saying. But what I'm describing is a situation in which the level of interest is more than sufficient for being pleasant so as to attract tips.
>>16458502
Proper advice. Thank you.
>>16458513
Alright, my only issue though is that it seems like some people would really look down on seeing your average guy ask a girl out in public. I personally have something of an edge to that but for curiosity's sake how do you deal with resistance to being in a situation like that?
Like I'm just pretty sure there's a step in between having quick casual 'how's your day going' convo with her and straight up asking her out on a date.
>>16457474
People who work are paid to be friendly to you so 99.99999% of the time they are NOT interested in you in any way
especially waitresses get flirted on literally 9 out of 10 times
>>16458697
No, there isn't, man. This is the thing some guys never figure out. Don't waste too much time "buttering her up," just say what you want.
You'd be looked down on if you were creepy, or lewd, or just hanging around constantly fawning over her without having the balls to ask her out. NOBODY looks down on a guy who can just calmly, straightforwardly ask for what he wants. You might get rejected, but you won't lose face.
Think of how many times you've been working up the nerve to tell a girl how you feel, trying to figure out the most "casual" low-risk way of getting your point across, and some other guy just swoops in out of nowhere and takes her away. This is the thing that guy knows, and you don't.
tl;dr
1. Say what you're thinking
2. Ask for what you want
3. Enjoy a much better life than the one you're having right now
>>16458706
>People who work are paid to be friendly to you so 99.99999% of the time they are NOT interested in you in any way
That's not true. You're forgetting that waitresses are humans too. Ones with desires and feelings and needs just like everyone else.
You ask her out. Stop looking for signals. Women are not traffic lights.
There's hardly any "risk" because the consequence of getting rejected will last about 30 seconds. As long as you don't bring it up again, she won't have a problem with you. Come on pussy.
>>16458721
This so much. It's a real turnoff when guys are too shy about it. Stop hinting, giving "signals," trying to be suggestive, just be a man and get to the fucking point
>>16458697
>Like I'm just pretty sure there's a step in between having quick casual 'how's your day going' convo with her and straight up asking her out on a date.
Maybe the problem is you're putting WAY too much importance on this. A first date is literally just talking and getting to know each other better, so you can decide if you want to keep seeing each other. You're not asking her to marry you. The first date IS the baby-step, it IS the "step in between."
>>16458721
>Think of how many times you've been working up the nerve to tell a girl how you feel, trying to figure out the most "casual" low-risk way of getting your point across, and some other guy just swoops in out of nowhere and takes her away.
That has never happened to me. I don't have feelings for girls in that way. No offence because apparently you know better but that seems womanly to me, to be nervous about your feelings like that for another human being let alone a girl. It just doesn't work that way for me. If I like a girl then what happens is she usually likes me and we escalate it somewhat evenly (naturally I'm the one in control), though if she isn't obviously interested I just pull the plug on my feelings completely and don't bother.
That ramp up for me is necessary. Maybe it's just out of immaturity that I can't just step up like everyone else, but then again maybe the ramp isn't a ramp at all, but just a bigger set of steps.
>>16458744
That's just not true though. The consequences are actually permanent. If I failed, not because I was particularly incompetent but because the situation was faulty, then that's not just some fleeting thing. It's her and anybody else who was there and potentially her group of friends, which could be connected to my own group of friends, looking down upon me from then on.
That probably just speaks to my own sensitivity but whether or not that sensitivity is negative is relative.
>>16458754
No no, I'm not saying I need to be suggestive about it. I get that, that's totally creepy and dumb and just too slow to be bothered with. It's just that I like to ease into it. I see it as cheap if you're so forthright about it.
It comes down to differences in persons the way I see it. What you guys are telling me is coming off as shallow.
>>16458766
What if it needs to be important?
>>16458783
>It's her and anybody else who was there and potentially her group of friends, which could be connected to my own group of friends, looking down upon me from then on.
Oh goodie, I didn't know we were doing clinical paranoia today in our Mental Health 101 class.
"Sensitivity." Dude, you're a fucking mental case. Therapy nao.
>>16458789
Maybe you're just a little on the dumb side. Maybe it's cultural or geographical.
I would figure that my level of sensitivity isn't too departed from the people around me. So maybe it really is geographical. Where are you from?
>>16458724
sure but not from a customer, any customer flirts its normal
>>16458819
>sure but not from a customer
This sentence makes no sense whatsoever.
The point was that waitresses are human beings and not robots so there's ultimately no real difference between the possibility of the way they could feel towards a customer compared to just any other person, with whom they would naturally interact.
Professionalism is never absolute.
>>16458830
waitresses get hit on by 9/10 customers so unless OP is fucking bigshot 10/10 attractive over 100k a year dude with nice car they are probably just annoyed
>>16458878
I'm pretty good looking and really tall and make well over 6 figures a year. She might even actually know that because her boss is aware of that fact.
I said I had an edge. But it's not personality wise and that's my issue.
Though we're on 4chan where everyone who makes these threads is automatically a furious my little pony masturbator so I doubt I'll get through to you lot.
>>16458878
Not saying I endorse that monopoly though. I think that's weak that women get hit on so often that they would be annoyed by interacting with another human being.
Part of the reason why I never go out of my way.
Had similar situation as OP. Bonus points: She wasn't working for tips because you'd get a beeper to notify when you could pick up your food for your table.
>>16458744
I did just this. She declined because apparently she had a boyfriend. Things became a little bit awkward between ourselves, but desu I am much happier having had the courage to ask instead of wondering all the time.
Worst part would have been if we'd actually gotten together and broken up afterwards and I'd have lost my favourite dinner place.
>>16458933
Nice try.
>>16458948
?
nice try at what?
>What are some ways to tell if someone working service is being friendly/flirty for a tip or if they're into you?
Yes.
How to tell:
If they work in the service industry, the answer is they're doing it for a tip.
Hope that helped.
>>16459130
>he can't detect sarcasm!
I think you have bigger problems, OP.
Like autism.
>>16459158
>back pedalling this hard
You weren't being sarcastic. You were trying to make the point that any guy who thinks he has a chance with a girl just because she was pleasant to him while working service is a retarded beta.
>>16459158
OP is right that post was worded really awkwardly if its intention was sarcasm. It does sound more like you saying "this is the way it is" because OP thinks he's a special snowflake.
