I grew up in a smaller town where it's wasn't considered okay to be gay. I think I internalized a lot of the disgust that people had with homosexuality and it comes out in my sex life. I'm single because dating hasn't really worked out and so I look to random encounters.
I recognize that I have a lot of problems. However, my most immediate problem is what I'm attracted to. A lot of people get confused by this so I'll try to be clear as possible. I'm attracted to getting ripped off by good looking men who then laugh at me for paying them for nothing. A lot of my casual meet ups involve me meeting a straight dude in a target parking lot, handing him my wallet, letting him take the cash and any gift cards out of it, and then thanking him for doing it. Then I go home and jerk off thinking about how pathetic what I'm doing is and how stupid he thinks I am. The most physical it gets is I've asked dudes to spit in my face, let two guys each kick me in the nuts, and I ate bird shot off of a windshield all to get laughed at and called a retard, idiot, etc.
When I get off, it sets in how much I gave away and I instantly regret everything. I'm 32 years old and have been doing this since I was 18. I've paid dudes over PayPal and in cash and spend multiple grand per year. I go without food sometimes but always pay my bills. Anything left over goes to straight guys.
I don't know what to do, I can't stop. I went to Sex Addicts Anonymous, multiple therapists. I have no money ever and if I'm aroused and a guy texts me to meet up, I do it.
I don't know what I'm asking. I just don't have anyone to talk to because it's all anonymous.
You can probably give me some money, first.
>>16435287
If I knew you were an attractive straight guy, I probably would.
you might be the one instance where I'd say internalized homophobia is the cause.
seriously though, stop hating yourself man.
>>16435286
>and any gift cards
I thought it was a troll up to this part. You really are a faggot, aren't you?
I guess since you can't stop giving your money away, why don't you give them to charity as soon as you get paid? Give them to shelters for gay kids that got kicked out of their parents home or something. Since you're apparently unfixable you might as well pay it forward, right?
>>16435376
I totally would, but I get texts from people every day looking for money and if I'm at all ready to get off, I give it to them. I could try to give to charity first, it just still wont stop me from giving it to straight guys from time to time anyway.
>>16435384
how about you start accepting that you are gay or bi, and go out on a date or hookup with someone and explore your sexuality in more normal measures before this crushes your life?
>>16435387
I have. I spent most of my early twenties trying to do just that. I have gone on dates recently but they don't go anywhere and I'm not satisfied with "normal" sexual activities.
>>16435390
Were you abused as a child or something. I'd advice you to spend that money on therapy instead, because clearly you are living a life that is harmful to yourself and you have issues to work out that 4chan can't help you with.
>>16435393
I was not abused as a child. I've been in therapy before but I can give it a fresh try.
>>16435432
Maybe you're just into bdsm and need to find someone to dom you, if you haven't already tried that as well.
or is it the fact that these men have to be straight guys and as soon as they are gay you lose interest, because minus the degradation I know all about that.
>>16435384
>I totally would, but I get texts from people every day looking for money
Get a new phone. Also, slap yourself across the face.
>>16435438
They have to be straight, and they can't be getting off on it. Just straight dudes that want money and think it's funny that i want to give it to them.
Look up pay piggies or pay pigs. That's you. At least you aren't alone in your fetish.
I mean... don't get me wrong, you have some other fantasies of being abused and denigrated but my point is, there're other people like you.
I don't however have advice since I can't empathize with what you describe.
>>16435473
Yeah, for a long while I only paid people online. They call it financial domination or money slavery as well. However, there's something more appealing actually seeing a guy look at you like you're crazy in person. *eye roll* so I don't do the online stuff any longer. I know there are others out there. They sometimes are just as depressed about it as I am, however, you're only communicating with them while they're aroused. That means they're in and not interested in talking about the part that happens after the fact, the sudden drop to depression.
>>16435286
hey dude, it happens, we've all been there. perhaps what you should do is transition to toher similar fetishes?
I also get off on things like being used, abused, and LOVE being spit on. i know you want it to be straight guys, but perhaps what you can do is organize with some gay guys who can play the part.
perhaps the only other alternative is to only offer 20 dollars ever. like when you meet up, go with only 20 dollars.
though I am curious how do you make someone meet you in a parking lot to just give them money. where do you meet the straight men who get into this situation?
>>16435677
>thinking gay men can play straight men
oh I am laughing
>>16435692
I've been doing it for over a year now, much easier than i thought.
>>16435697
sorry bud, nothing can compare to true straight men. All gay men have that annoying gay face and gay mannerisms. Straight men are top tier, you can't act that out.
>>16435702
if you say so.
>>16435702
[citation needed]
>>16435286
Do you regret this because you believe its wrong?
>>16435286
I am a fairly attractive straight male and would gladly take any and all amazon gift cards.
