It'd the Town Guard!
CHEESE IT!
SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT
I CAN'T RUN WITH A BONER
>>48002685
I associate the phrase "cheese it" with Bender from Futurama because that's where I first heard someone actually use it with any sort of frequency after learning about the phrase elsewhere.
Which automatically made your thread more awesome since it seemed like your image was a fantasy version of a female Bender.
>>48002761
>>48002685
So these seem more like Paladins then Guard.
I'd still going to run, but I'm just saying...
Did someone say the Guard?
>>48002842
I would not trust city guard looking like this. What kind of shady operation they're running here!?
>>48003765
The kind that you can buy your way out of crimes?
![paul-kidby-night-watch[1].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/aA4vyUo.jpg "paul-kidby-night-watch[1].jpg")
>>48002685
Hey, what's going on here? Keep quiet, we's the guard, damnit!
>>48002836
>female Bender
A gender-Bender
![2dd[2].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/u0jBBqm.jpg "2dd[2].jpg")
>>48002685
>CHEESE IT!
Alright, but only becasue you insist!
>A young merchant's son has decided to start his own business
>He ventures into the big city for the first time
>Naive and lost in equal measure, he finds himself in a dark alley
>He is almost instantly accosted by thugs, who want a piece of this "rich kid"
>Feeling he cannot betray the investment his father so painstakingly made in his business, the young merchant refuses to cooperate
>What happens next is foggy, but he loses conciousness
>He momentarily wakes up, his vision blurry
>He feels something soft wrapped around him
>A woman's voice shushes him and tells him to relax
>It smells nice
>He loses conciousness once more
>He wakes up in a cozy little residence
>He's still feeling woozy and feels a sharp sting in his thigh
>Upon removing his blanket, he discovers a wound on his inner thigh that has been treated and bandaged
>"Oh, you're awake!"
>The owner of the residence appears to be a female town guard, judging by her clothing
>She checks to see if the young merchant is feeling well
>She then gently scolds him for being in such a nasty part of town all alone
>He apologizes, explaining that he's new in town and doesn't know anything about it yet
>She strokes his hair and tells him that he's willing to show him around town when his wound has healed up nicely
>When that day finally comes, she spends the entire triptightly squeezing the merchant'shand
>The excited merchants face grows flustered and his breathing becomes deepend and more frequent
>His eyes dart back and forth in sheer panic
>"What's wrong cherryboy? Never held hands with a woman before?"
>She flashes him a wicked smile
>He knows he's going to getloved tenderly
How's that for cheese? Cheesy enough? Too much cheesecake? Not enough cheesecake?
>>48002949
>>48004391
The only city guard that matters.
>>48004977
Adorably cheesey
>>48004977
Ah yes, the Florence Nightingale effect.
>>48004977
MORE MACARONI!Nice dubs, friend.
Post the armor your female guards would have to wear if you were king.
>>48006331
The beauty of female knights and guardswomen alike is in their virtue, not their licentiousness.
>>48006487
I don't know what licentiousness is, but I disagree with you. Have some viking butt.
>>48006331
>>48006331
I am about 90% sure who that artist is.
And if it is who I'm thinking it is, I know 100% what is under that tabard.And I like it.
>>48006801
Most of his stuff isn't trap/futa. You just want it to be.
>>48004391
Man, Knobby is instantly recognizable.
>>48006845
Undeniable truth.
He is one of the only artists I've found that does it just the way I like it.
>>48006894
He has a whole bunch of those warrior girl pics.
>>48002761
she kind of reminds me of Jeanne after she cuts her hair
>>48006894
>>48006845
So who is the artist and where can I find more
>>48006983
He goes by Joel27 and JJfrenchie.
Sadpanda has a few comics done by him and a few galleries.
>>48006983
Joel27. You could have just read the filename you know.
>>48004977
I liked this too much
>>48006487
I agree my good sir! An honorable and virtuous woman is a beautiful woman!
>>48007149
What about women with outrageously big tits?
>>48007186
They too can be virtuous!
>>48002685
Naaa, I'd also 'd the Town Guard.
>>48002842
Town guards in a theocracy.
>>48002842
>undercut
GROAN
>>48006331
>>48006786
ITT: Edgar Rice Burroughs apparently.
>>48004391
>>48006856
I always thought Nobby had a fat face and skinny arms, but a skinny face is fine too.
>>48008316
As long as Nobby's kinda gross looking, but hot to goblins apparently, it's fine.
>>48006331
When I become the king, there'll be some changes. And when that day comes, ALL female officers will be required to wear
TINY MINISKIRTS!
which regrettably I don't have a picture of, so just have one in a normal skirt
>>48008547
Doesn't seem to me like that would offer much in the way of protection. Or mobility.
>>48008580
>mobility
I misread that as nobility, and somehow that summoned feels in me.
>That female knight who was born into one of the most rich and powerful noble families in the land
>She could've just sat on her ass all day, enjoyed the luxuries of upperclass life and married another rich and powerful lord
>Instead she opts to spend her days roaming the land and her nights sleeping in a ditch because she knows the less fortunate need her help
Why is virtue and selflessness so incrediblysexy?
>>48004391
>>48002949
I didn't think she was all that agile and fanged in human form, but it gets the notion across I suppose.
Also the Patrician's name always makes me giggle.
>>48004468
Oh you!
>>48008547
Here.
>>48012622
>>48012658
>>48012676
>>48012808
>>48012853
>>48012868
>>48002685
Pft what? Its just some teenage girl. I bet she can barely move in all that let alone fight!
>>48006845
Why would anyone want the cute chick to turn out to actually be a man?
>>48006331
>>48012967
Because dicks are fun, anon.
>>48006331
Brown elves only.
>>48013166
My dick is fun, sure, but I kinda like putting it into holes that aren't used for shitting and/or full of teeth
Rolled 17 + 32 (1d20 + 32)
>>48002685
>town guard
Bitch please, Im an urban ranger/scout with city camouflage. Good luck even spotting me while I run around you and shoot greater manyshots with skirmish damage to your sorry ass.
>Hide d20+32
>Move silently d20+32
>>48013916
> While taking your move action, your turn is interrupted by an action of opportunity. A city guard is running in perfect pace next to you, locking his gaze with yours.
> "Do you know how fast you were going?"
>>48006331
Minus the whole armor. Can't post naked cheesecake here unfortunately.
>>48006487
Plus this is functional, because I don't want to go through guards like tissues...
Not image poster
>>48014328
Fucking kek
Rolled 1, 3, 6, 4, 1, 5, 4, 2, 6, 5, 6, 2, 2, 2, 1, 3, 1, 1, 1, 2, 1, 5, 2, 4, 5 = 75 (25d6)
Just rollan a town guard....
Dumping what I would use for guards
>>48021069
>>48021079
>>48021091
>>48021110
>>48021117
>>48021134
>>48021069
that's got to be heavy for daily wearing.
>>48006487
haha gay
>>48021143
>>48021168
>>48021163
They hate their job. I like my guards frustrated and slightly corrupt.
>>48021235
>>48021258
Welp, looks like thats it
>>48002685
>mfw I usually associate "CHEESE"ing something with crushing or destroying something before it gegs a chance to respond. Essentially turn it to swiss cheese.
I guess I end up killing some guards until their reinforcements show
>>48013761
Name of hentai?
>>48002685
It'd the Town Guard if you know what I'm sayin'. No cheese though.
>>48022808
Don't bother, it's dogshit. Sudden one-panel alien abduction follower by tentacle rape and ayy lmao impregnation.
>>48006331
>>48022863
She's cute. I'd take her to dinner
>>48007979
You high, bro? They're wearing way too much for Barsoom.
>>48002685
Don't worry, I have a license from the thieves' guild.
>>48004977
"Y-you too." The Merchant son utters, as cabbages fall from his pockets and he run back to the hamlet he came from.
>guard thread
>plate everywhere
Sure must be nice being rich as fuck.
>>48006331
I knew this would come in handy some day!
>>48026558
I know right. Realistically, the town guard would be armed with spears and clubs and clad in clothe armour. Mostly because they'd be expected to equip themselves in the first place. After all most of their duties are composed of maintaining law within the town and acting as the fire brigade. Should the town come under attack, proper soldiers and men-at-arms would be doing most of the fighting.
>>48006331
>>48029669
I usually think of a townguard having either a gift/heirloom sword, or just a club/improvised mace and being overall a guy that goes around beating lawbreakers and intimidating troublemakers into behaving. I really think of town guard's just as 'Sheriff's goons', which can or not be well meaning.
>>48031533
>>48026558
Has there ever been a time were being rich wasn't nice?
>>48032482
Bolshevik revolution?
>>48032482
French Revolution?
>>48032598
>>48032498
... fair.
But it was still pretty nice for the rest of the world.
An Axe is fine too.
>>48033560
axes are meme weapons
>worse reach and maille-piercing ability than a sword
>less plate-piercing ability than a mace
>>48033726
they are supposed to be the middle ground anon, plus they are good for throwing
>>48014749
Its like, shes been HIT on the places she doesn't have armor but still wont wear any.
>>48033899
both of which are meme options. You didn't get this idea that axes were "intermediate" weapons from Skyrim, did you?
if you had any understanding of history at all, you'd understand that hyper-specialized, or rather, hyper-uniform, armies like those of Alexander with the sarissa and no archers, or the pure pikemen armies of the Swiss merc companies, were how battles were won.
There is no room for specialty troops. Just look at the Rodeleros of Spain.
In keeping with weapons, there was no reason to carry an axe except as a tool rather than a weapon. You can't stab with an axe, and you can't cut through maille, so what exactly do you intend to do against maille with an axe?
The best part of this conversation? None of what we're talking about is even a "primary" weapon, to use your video game terms. Use a spear nigger. The Greeks, Roman, Normans, Franks, Swiss, Germans, and so on and so forth were all the most successful when using spears.
>>48006331
>>48006331
![1334628464173[1].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/ZeamjVE.jpg "1334628464173[1].jpg")
>>48032598
Being bourgeois was pretty awesome in that period though (assuming you weren't conscripted). You were rich, your loyalty to the Republic wasn't questioned unless you did something pants-on-head retarded and all those dead and exiled nobles left behind pretty cozy administrative jobs.
>>48041685
How would such an obviously savage woman become the king's guard?
>The young heir to the kingdom is sent out on a diplomatic mission
>Time is of the essence, as timely diplomatic intervention could prevent a prolonged and bloody war
>To make sure he arrives on time, the prince proposes a shortcut to his escort: through the woods
>It's a dangerous route, but the prince is determined to do as his father demands of him
>They encounter a few bandits and highwaymen, but they're easily disposed of with minimal casualties
>Until they are ambushed by a professional mercenary force, it seems like there are some who want the war to happen
>The prince and his escort resist bravely, but their numbers are rapidly thinned and the prince himself wounded
>When it appears the mercenaries are gaining the upper hand, a ferocious woodland warrior intervenes, turning the tides enough for the mercenaries to cut their losses and retreat
>The prince, in his gratitude, offers to shower this warrior with gifts and titles. She refuses, preferring life in the wilds
>Stubborn and unwilling to let a debt go unpaid, he promises that he'll pass through the woods once more on his way back home and take the barbarian woman to his palace, to at least give her a small taste of all the things she's been missing out on
>After some goading, she gives in
>The barbarian woman is unimpressed by the frivolties and luxuries of the 'civilized' nobility
>She is, however, impressed by the prince's charm and willingness to do what is best for the realm, despite his naiveté
>She decides to stay with him for a little while
>Days become weeks, weeks become years and years become months
>Eventually, the old king steps down to make way for his son
>Though he's loved by nobles and commoners alike, some unsavory rumors are spread about his relationship with a 'primitive' woman
>To ensure these rumors are debunked, the young king is presented with a proper bride of noble birth
cont.
![I+love+these+comics+there+funny+and+i+want+more+_24861aedb2fa88ffc7b023ea02f74917[1].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/aiizGBi.jpg "I+love+these+comics+there+funny+and+i+want+more+_24861aedb2fa88ffc7b023ea02f74917[1].jpg")
>>48043172
>The barbarian woman attends their marriage ceremony with pain in her heart
>She wonders how she could´ve been so foolish, how she could make herself so vulnerable to a man, only to let him trample her heart
>Some days later she visits the king in private, intending to give him a piece of her mind before returning to her ancestral woodlands
>However, her rage is quickly tempered by a gentle kiss, one that makes her legs weak and her knees tremble
>The king tells her that, no matter how things may appear, she will always be the only woman he truly loves
>He offers her a prestigious position as captain of the royal guard, one she cannot refuse
>While she may be outlandish, the guards soon come to respect her strength and valor
>The king and the captain often meet in private to "discuss security", "assess risks" and "check the supplies", often multiple times a day
>They always leave these meetings grinning from ear to earThere's no need to feel bad for the queen, she's knows everythingand she's /ss/ing the stableboy
>>48034647
She's a Queen's Blade combatant.
She could fight naked and still only get a nick or two at the absolute worse.
>You will never have the comfy life of being a town guard.
Literally the one job I think was made for me.
>>48043483
Mall cops are a thing. Go, live the dream!
>>48043483
>>48043717
Same for night guards. You get paid to just walk around doing nothing. Even if shit hits the fan you're not even expected to resist, you're only expected to call the cops.
>>48043768
>>48043717
Oh I think about that too. But I don't get to stand by the town gate holding a spear. Which takes about 60% of the fun out of it.
>Women guards
Good to know I can do whatever I want without much resistance
>>48043858
Well, you could try being a guard at one of them fancy banks or the palace of your country's head of state/government. That involves a lot of standing still near a gate.
Alternatively border patrol.
>>48044109
>Its like they want bandits to raid the village and rape the women.
>>48009978
>>48004468
>>48013761
>>48022808http://g.e-hentai.org/g/892245/5d066aabda/
>>48034647
Perhaps it's the other way 'round and she won't wear any armor on the places where she's been hit. The chance of being hit twice in the same spot is really low, anyway, so armoring those bits shouldn't be necessary, right?
>>48044652
This makes me wonder whether it'd be smart to stab her in the vagina or not. On the one hand it exposes her vagina. On the other hand, do we want to see a literal axe wound on her figurative axe wound?
>>48014749
With skintight armor and a floating belt that serves no purpose, she might as well keep her shield and fight naked.
>>48044706
Maybe we'd just scratch it a little and get her to wear a transparent loincloth?
>>48045054
I'm not one to halfass shit. If I do something, I do it right.
>>48022808
>>48044487
Posting superior translated version.http://g.e-hentai.org/g/924221/5ffc5e31d5/
>>48031935
In return I wish to know if this is hentai and if so where from?
>>48002685
WE'RE ALREADY IN THE WOODS, SUCKERS
>>48031935
>>48045550
Even if not, it's a cool image.
>>48002685
Kinda strange request, but I probably won't be needing that polymorph any spell today, sure why not.
>>48047576
Honestly, I'm just impressed you had that image on hand for the unbelievably unlikely occurrence of someone making this exact thread and use that very particular expression.
Kudos.
>>48002685
Those are some really cool boots.
>>48047854
Or they just knew OF that brand?
>>48047945
0/10 shitposting points is the best I can give you.
>>48048004
It's potato.
>>48007921
That's not a girl.
>>48048328
How can you tell one way or the other?
>>48049142
Because it looks like a man?
>>48047854
>>48047922
Or spent five minutes on google image search for something even vaguely relevant.
>>48048022
While baked potato with cheese is good, we don't have enough spells per day to use on this silly pun.
>pervert king makes a decree
>no more male guards
>guards are all scantily clad women
>some bikini model type
>some amazon/barbarian type
>increase in petty crime by 1000%
>everyone wants to be manhandled by guards
>decrease in serious crime
>everyone too horned up to commit murders
>>48051556
What a wise king
I can't figure out which way this thread wants to go...
No
>>48036284
There were many cultures that made use of axes specifically designed to be weapons, I really don't know where you are getting your info from.
>>48036284
>if you had any understanding of history at all, you'd understand that hyper-specialized, or rather, hyper-uniform, armies like those of Alexander with the sarissa and no archers, or the pure pikemen armies of the Swiss merc companies, were how battles were won.
You better not be using one of the most successful conquerors of all time, with one of the most advanced organizations for the time he lived in, as some kind of good example of how warfare's been conducted throughout the millennia. For every Alexander (or Philip II since he was the one who actually created the organization Alexander used), every Marian legion, every Gustavus Adolphus, there's been a shitload of comparatively poorly organized, equipped, trained, and specialized militaries (almost all of them, in fact).
>>48052572
Sexy guards would be my guess
>>48055806
But they didn't have to cut through plate armor
>>48036284
Axe agaisnt maile breaks bones. You can test that in your own backyard. Axe combines cutting power and blunt damage, making it decent agaisnt both leather and maile. By the way, spelling maile? That's stupid. Mail. It is a mail. 'Chain mail' is redudant, yes, but spelling maile is just as retarded, like writing magik. or Kyng. Just because ye olde english soundth betterth doesn't maketh properth for chanspeak.
And since i am in the business of educating your ass...Hyperuniform armies aren't how battles are won. In some conditions they work, in some they don't. All long pike formation is super vulnerable agaisnt ranged weapons, be it crossbow, longbow, musket or artillery, due to the way they have to move together in uniform march making them slower, and longpike isn't a great shield versus a musket bullet or cannonball. The roman legion worked well agaisnt the roman adversaries until it didn't. The swiss pikes mercs were used in combination with other mercs or levies for a more rounded force. You cannot really think just swiss pikes would be good with no cavalry versus an army that has both pikes and cavalry, right? Let alone an army with Pikes, longsword, cavalry and muskets.
For one that talk about 'meme' opnions and tell people to have an understandment of history, you make a fool of yourself. I'd even say you have no formal history study, but, being on the academia myself, I know many historians that know nothing of a topic and deem themselves specialists. Let me tell your bitch ass something; You know nothing.
I'm not one to be all "waah historical inaccuracy in a fantasy setting!" but there never really were any "town guards" in the dark ages. Crimes were investigated privately and murder was responded to with blood feuds (or if you were an outsider committing crimes, lynch mobs). That's way too cool to just be left for Fantasy Cops(TM)
>>48058108
>but there never really were any "town guards" in the dark ages. Crimes were investigated privately and murder was responded to with blood feuds (or if you were an outsider committing crimes, lynch mobs)
I would like a source for that
>That's way too cool to just be left for Fantasy Cops(TM)
I'd disagree, though that could be cause where I live one tends to associate the sorta behavior you're calling cool with mountain hicks
>>48041626
>all those bare thighs
>>48043187
Good story anon
>>48006331
>>48008809
That's what my character in my last game was.
She was nobility and saw an arranged marriage down the tube and fucked off to the neighboring country to fight evil because she was a bit of a dreamer for heroics.
Her retainer searched for her for a year and finally found her and they stopped some possibly bad shit from happening.
She eventually decided to return home but on the way back said retainer proposed to her.she refused initially but the epilogue had them growing closer
Rolled 10, 4, 1, 1 + 30 = 46 (4d10 + 30)
>>48002685
I mean, if you really want to....
You take that much dmg pen20 from the first weapon...
Rolled 9, 4, 2, 8, 5, 7, 3, 6, 5, 2, 8, 10, 7, 8, 9, 8, 3, 2, 8, 5, 7, 9, 6, 4, 8 + 240 = 393 (25d10 + 240)
>>48067496
whoops, here is the real dmg
>>48036284
>If it's not a spear it's a meme weapon
You're a fucking tool.
>>48057441
>leather armor
>backyard tests on modern maille are valid
>I am an academic
You're as dumb as he is.
>but leather armor did exist, look at this boiled armor page on wikipedia
Yes, but we don't know how it was made. We can assume it worked to a degree, but we can't assume we know anything about how well it worked, or against what.
>>48061918
That's a good sword.
>>48069931
Looks like a giant knife. Probably on purpose.
>>48071316
His bigger sword that's cut off in the top panel also looks like it has the same general shape only scaled up even further.
And yeah it's basically a fuckhuge Kriegsmesser/Groseemesser.
>>48004977
mmmm comfy!
>>48007934
>literally a cut made for steel helmets
>not the best choice for your town guard
>>48014328
>"Do you know how fast you were going?"
Lost
>>48069574
His point still stands, though. Axes would most definitely cause damage to people.
>>48033726
Clearly though for many of the town guards depicted in this thread human physiology and skin function quite differently than what you are used to.
We can theorize that having more weight directly behind the cutting edge is necessary for an edged weapon to deal significant damage to many of these women. Otherwise without sufficient momentum to carry it through it just bounces off.
>>48006331
>>48033726
he breathed heavily as he typed, fat rolls jiggling with the motion of his arms
>>48036284
There were plenty reasons to carry an axe.
It takes less steel than a sword, and there's no point in having a mace when the other guy you're hitting doesn't have enough steel for a sword either, much less for armor.
Axes are not good weapons.
