The dragon kidnaps the slighty over-weight bakers daughter instead of the princess. The king gives zero fucks.
At least if we save her, we'll probably get Free Bread for Life, so we'll never run out of food.
I'd still help out, the baker's daughter deserves to be saved just as much.
>>46508231
The baker's daughter and her plump rump are saved by a knight, who ignores her nice hips and full bust, shakes her hand and leaves for another adventure.
>>46508325
Which is sad since the dragon is the only who notices and wants to have strong children with her instead of weak ass spoiled fucking children from the princess.
>>46508325
The Knight's Twin Brother, Sir Mix-A-Lot checks her out, though, and says he likes big butts, and is telling the truth because due to his vows, he can not lie.
SEEMS LIKE THE BAKER GOT CHEATED ON IF YOU ASK ME!
Ah, the Baker's Daughter stories.
What a time to be alive.
>>46508391
And, as he is indeed well versed in mixing, he makes a suitable husband for the baker's daughter, allowing the baker to retire, and Sir Mix-A-Lot to retire from his knightly order to live a life of safe baking with his new wife.
>>46508231
>asshole king who doesn't care about his subjects
Looks like we get to fight a dragon and then depose a monarch. Baker's daughter gets to be the next queen.
Reminds me of the time the dragon kidnapped a farm girl because she wanted basically a living Barbie doll to groom and dress up and beautify with makeup and stuff.
>>46508440
He also dropped a Hit Song about how he liked Big Butts and could not lie, thus making them live in luxury together.
>>46508446
>king sends half his army away from the country in a pointless fight against a powerful opponent
>neighboring tribes take advantage of this momentary weakness to raid distant villages
>thousands die either from violence or when winter comes and their food stocks have been pillaged
>all for the sake of a single girl
>>46508446
The king probably gave a token shit. Like, "Dragon has kidnapped so-and-so, who I understand is my subject. I am willing to give [amount much less than dragonslaying is worth] so that my people can be safe."
In real life (or at least, in 1300s France), the monarch was considered to be the wonderful ruler of the realm who cared deeply for his subjects. Any abuse against the peasantry was considered to be the product of the corrupt aristocracy, who oppressed the lower class for their own profit against the King's wishes.
This wasn't really true, but people believed it. Of the many peasant uprisings in that era, most of them sought to depose the Aristocracy and keep the King.
>>46508285
Ah but my son, man cannot live on bread alone!
We must also rescue the rancher's, farmer's and brewer's daughters as well, so that we will have a balanced diet!
>>46508632
there were a few occasions where the people of an area rose up against the king together with the local aristocracy but that was largely due to said population have little cultural ties with the main kingdom
>>46508640
But they're not in peril! We need to arrange for them to be kidnapped first.
>tfw the biggest heroes come from the smallest villages
>tfw the baker's daughter murders her way out of the dragon's lair
>tfw the baker was only a baker because he lost his legs fighting a demon god, a fight he won
Poor dragon.
>>46508231
Aristocrats are uncaring assholes. Also, water is wet.
Well people, looks like we found an evil dragon. Time to save a damsel in distress, loot it's hoard, and take it apart for spell components and other goodies.
Lawful good capitalism ho!
>>46508325
Sounds like this knight has a testosterone deficiency.
>>46508625
>giving a fuck necessarily entails doing retarded things
Yeah, nah.
>>46508632
>The king probably gave a token shit.
Fuck you, the king explicitly gave zero fucks. Stop shilling for that asshole. I bet you're his vizier or some other flunky.
>>46508446
Overbearing King sends Knights to save a single peasant
I don't think any King would give the smallest fraction of a fuck that one of his subjects was stolen. Unless it turns out that bakers daughter has some "chosen one" shit attatched to her that the king didn't realize until the court wizard pointed it out. Otherwise, the life of any single peasant hardly matters if the rest of them are doing alright
>>46508722
>lawful good capitalism
do you just sell the components and hoard or rather use the wealth obtained to invest in long term projects which provide jobs to and require the produce of the local population?
>>46508231
> Dragon feels the need to fight adventurers, so baker's girl gets kidnapped by dragon.
> Days pass, then weeks. Nothing happens
> Dragon goes back to town asking if they know he kidnapped somebody
> People give zero fucks
> Dragon is baffled by the ignorance of the town. Demands compensation for her food from the baker
> Baker not there, apparently he went on "holidays" because he had more money now because he does not needs to feed his daughter anymore.
> Dragon goes back. Tells girl she can go
> Girl does not wants to because nobody cares for her.
> Huge dragon sigh. Now he is stuck with her.
> She gives him a kiss on his nose. Never has anyone cared for her as much as he did.
>>46508640
>broke adventurers makes a deal with a destitute and weak dragon
>the dragon captures selected maidens
>the adventurer rescues them
>the dragon hoards the rewards for its own multiple "defeats" and the "hero" lives off the people's gratitude
>the adventurer vaguely resembles Clint Eastwood
I'm making this a future plot hook
>>46508850
does the dragon sound like sean connery?
>>46508872
Now it does.
>>46508446
Kingdom thrown into turmoil due to inexperienced peasant made queen after royal guard and family slaughtered.
>>46508231
Well, see, now I'm curious. Why take her and not someone with more monetary or political value?
Is the dragon trying to bait someone who knows her personally? Is it me he wants to bait? Is this baker's daughter some distant cousin of mine? Is she my sister? Have I been some anime-tier amnesiac this entire time?
>>46508934
Local "heroes" nowhere to be found, several maidens feared deflowered
>>46508826
You know if this DIDN'T get sexual it would be great. This young girl who has a dragon for a foster father. The dragon wants to set her up with boys up to his standards, AKA other dragons. She wholeheartedly refuses, and is always trying to attract a storybook hero, who always ignores her and tries to slay the dragon, breaking her heart over and over again.
>>46509036
>princess throwing a tantrum at the paladin trying to slay her daddy
how adorable
>>46508529
How did it end?
>>46509036
>You know if this DIDN'T get sexual it would be great
I left that option open on purpose. Everyone can make it up for himself from there on, but I personally would not like if it would become sexual, although I have now been here for a few months and I lost faith in you people already.
>>46508826
So how long until half dragons?
>>46509128
keep faith, at least one other person wouldn't like to see it get sexual
there's so much more adorable/funny family drama recreation possible with this configuration
>>46508231
Yeah, and I'm sure the dragon -slightly- lost some altitude in the kidnapping attempt and had -slightly- struggled to bring her to the lair
Call me when someone reports the Dragon developed terminal backpain
>>46509128
>>46509159
>>46509036
>but I personally would not like if it would become sexual, although I have now been here for a few months and I lost faith in you people already.
See what I mean
>>46508826
Is she meant to be a loli?
![poster_cheguevara_big[1].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/N4B4KKC.jpg "poster_cheguevara_big[1].jpg")
>>46508446
>Somewhere in a deep, dark corner of your country a homeless man goes hungry
>>46508803
Yes.
Honestly, what do you think most adventurers do with their money? In DnD,your average mid-level adventurer can earn enough gold with but a few quests to live comfortably for the rest of his life (assuming standard human lifespan). A high-level adventurer has probably seen more gold flow through his hands then some kings. Of course, a lot of that goes into magical items, but there's still plenty left for a seriously comfortable lifestyle.
Any financially savvy characters will probably figure out they will earn even more (and gain a more stabel income) by actually investing that money in stuff, make it work for them. For instance, in this case, you could form a partnership with the bakers daughter, and use part of the funds as venture capital for a big expansion of the bakery, with economy of scale (and maybe some crative application of new technology or basic magic) allowing for lower breadprices while creating extra jobs. From there on out, it is only a matter of time before we outcompete other bakeries, and allow them to join in on our little venture. While we are at it, we might also want to set up our own grain merchants, to prevent any price gouging or artificial shortages created by them. Soon, we will corner the entire bakery sector in the city, granting us full control of the production and distribution of the primary food source.
>>46508231
Weeks later the dragon kidnaps the princess using an army of breadnoughts.
>>46508797
>I don't think any King would give the smallest fraction of a fuck that one of his subjects was stolen.
>muh grimdark
Goodly, benevolent Kings who care about even the least of their subjects are a staple of fantasy, anon.
>>46508414
I'd love to get myself some honey, if you know what I mean.
>>46509291
the lawful good part would be ensuring that all supplies get paid a respectable price and all workers get a fair wage
that said also had a game where the players all came from the same town and decided to invest part of their loot into turning said town into a major trading hub, to bad the game fell apart before anything could come of it
>>46509355
caring yes, but also intelligent enough to realize the funding needed to save that single daughter could instead be used to build a well for a town suffering from a drought or hire more guards for the dangerous border cities or any other investment
a king who truly tries to save every single one of his subjects will go insane before the end of the month
>>46508231
>Local bank hires dragon expert ranger to determine the age of the dragon
>Bank uses info from ranger and a hireling dragon scholar to determine potential size of dragon's horde
>Bank analyzes risk/reward ratio, and hires an appropriately priced and skilled team of mid-level adventurers to take out the dragon
>Bank splits the earnings with the adventurers based on previously negotiated contracts, and screws them over with legalese
>Adventurers cry foul at their "betrayal", but it's all there in ink and was notarized by a properly neutral third party
>Baker's daughter gets railed by the bard, who flees town before the month is over, leaving her to become a single mother
>The rich keep getting richer, adventuring party votes for Bernie Sanders
>>46508320
>>46508320
>bakers daughter
>worth as much as a princess
The fuck is wrong with you?
>>46509000
well...
>>46509907
All life is precious, anon
>>46510183
But some life is more precious than others.
>>46508231
Kidnap the Dragon's daughter.
>We're even now
>>46508231
well if it was just a wyvern he shouldn't be too worried.
>>46510206
Now anon, Youll never graduate lawful good high with that attitude
>>46510183
Only ethically, not financially.
>>46510314
But i am true neutral
>>46510183
Even orc children?
>>46510330
Even ethically, a farmers daughter is not worth as much as a princess.
>>46510314
That sentiment doesn't conflict with LG though. The claim was already made that all life is precious, but not everyone can be saved. When it comes down to making a choice, you will inevitably need to determine which option serves the greatest good.
This is how triage works, and I'd say anyone in a position to need to triage is in a line of work that exemplifies LG.
>>46508231
I kill the dragon, the princess and the King.
and you
>>46508826
>dragon raises her as his own
>he makes her an outfit out of scales because he couldn't clean her normal one when it got wet.
>he makes her carefully makes her dinner and tells her stories of about the time before the era of kings while she eats
>He teaches her to hunt her own food and defend herself, however he still watches her from the sky just to be sure.
>she becomes /fit/ and beautiful as a result of good parenting.
>she's immediately kidnapped when rumors of the dragon girl attracts hunters.
>>46510736
Does this end in rape?
>>46510814
Of the hunters?
Yes.
>>46510814
Yes.After killing the hunters she returns to her dragon daddy and forces herself on him because she believes that no mortal man is strong enough for her.
>>46510980
I meant of the cute dragon girl. This is fine too.
>>46510814
>they find out she's just a human wearing scales upon inspection, moreover it's the baker's fucking daughter that was kidnapped by a mid tier dragon that no one cared to hunt
>"well she's gotta be good for something"
>prepare to rape
>scales on her outfit fly out and pierces hunters.
>the scales make short work of the hunters
>she's rushes back to find dragon daddy
>finds the woods she was taken from burned down
>turns out he thought the capital took her back and went to wreak havoc on humanity.
>>46510314
>man about to be killed
>woman about to be maimed
>you can only save one
Is this a diploma level question to uncover the best students?
>>46509118
One of the PCs took the farm girl's place instead.
>>46508625
>Not just killing the dragon yourself
do you even hero
>>46511062
Do i get any more info? If not, i would go with guy.
>>46509695
You must not know many adventuring parties, if you think they would let that shit slide. At best they'd just keep all the loot for themselves, at worst all the banks would get burned to the ground withing a week.
>>46508625
>king suits up and goes to slay the dragon himself.
>>46511098
No. That's all you get.A lot of people like to think they're absolutely objective but really they're biased as hell and just go with whatever makes them feel best
>>46511159
I would never think that. I am a very subjective person
>>46508231
Well, I am playing a rogue who is trying very hard to start a Marxist (called popularist in game) revolution in Not!France.
So imma save the shit out of that proletariat maiden, and condemn the crown for ignoring the plight of the workers.
Or, alternatively, attempt to convince the dragon to join in my Crusade for the People and topple the bourgeoisie throne.
>>46511129
>king is warhammer bullshit level
>king stares
>dragon die
>>46511062
I save them both.
>>46509456
That said, having a dragon on your lands may be a reason to act all in itself.
>>46511305
This.
>>46511225
>Or, alternatively, attempt to convince the dragon to join in my Crusade for the People and topple the bourgeoisie throne.
Diamat, the revolutionary dragon!
>>46508231
Rescue her anyway. The dragon's bits will fetch a pretty penny.
>>46511523
I like this.
>Small garrison of kingsmen, holding a vital highway pass from a massive horde of Popularist Rebels.
>They throw hundreds at the garrison, but are held back by the well train and equipped soldiers.
>Commander is planning a break out, when sentries start shouting.
>He dashes out, expecting rebels to be rushing the walls again.
>Instead, a giant fucking dragon is swooping into the courtyard.
>It lands, and pour arrows into it, though none are able to pierce its hide.
>"Comrades! Lay down your arms! Can't you see that the pig you call a king is playing you all for fools, fighting your own countrymen, instead of liberating the honest, hardworking men of this plane?"
>A few of the archers slow, listening to the mighty beast, which continues.
>"Why should your birth determine your status in life? Why is it that the lazy son of bitches in the king's court feast while you are left here to rot? I was born Red, does this mean I am damned to love wealth alone? No! I feel for the plight of the mortals, I weep at how you tragic heroes fight to forge the very chains that drag you down."
>He points a talon at a nervous spearman, all fighting has now stopped as the soldiers listen to the eloquent dragon.
>"You there! What do you want to be?"
>"Me?" The spearman looked around nervously, "Well... I suppose I always wanted to be a writer... But I was drafted!"
>"To do what?"
>"Fight... The enemies of the King?"
>"Who are?"
>"My... Own... Countrymen..."
>For a moment he is confused, but the Light of Revolution sparks and begins to blaze in his eyes.
>"That bastard!"
>Across the courtyard, angry muttering spread like wildfire. Why were they putting their lives on the line for a king who didn't care for them? Why didn't they join those freedom fighters outside? Why did they fight the Truth, the Righteous, Holy, Truth?
>As one, the garrison threw down their arms and burned the king's banner, raising the Hammer and Sickle in its place.
>>46512168
>The dragons unionize and now have a committee on how many peasant/noble girls they take a year
>>46508850
This would be a great plot hook honestly. Would it be one of those awkward situation deals where you COULD tell the town the truth and break the long chain of lies put on them, but if you did the town would devolve into chaos as they now realize the dragon the hero said he killed is still alive and they've been swindled for the last couple decades?
>>46508231
Why does it kidnap a baker's daughter in the first place? Does the dragon have a taste for bread? Did it have a Yakitate!! Japan level of reaction when it first accidentally gobbled up some fresh loaves along with a baker he now regrets biting in half?
What if the dragon wants the daughter to discover the dead baker's recipe? What if he helps by gathering ingredients or firing kilns? Does bread baked by dragon-fire have special qualities?
>>46512423
This sounds like some Dungeon Meshi shit.
I love it.
>>46512423
>>46512423
Maybe she just has bigger tits than the princess.
Maybe the dragon's hoard is just massively buxom women that he's taken a liking to.I VOLUNTEER TO SLAY THE DRAGON, SIRE!
>>46512423
Embarking on a quest to become the ultimate bread artisan, a dragon kidnaps a talented but meek and unnoticed prodigy to teach him the trade, and together they enter the king's baking tournament combining the daughter's knowledge with the human-guise dragon's fire breath and internal heat giving them distinct advantages.
Or so they think. The naive pair are in for a shock when they encounter world class artisans at the tournament, classes and creatures from across the world and even from other planes of existence.
>>46512609
>cthulu is the reigning champion
>>46509264
>Somewhere a wealthy upper class farmer resents what he does not have and begins killing doctors, teachers and the intelligentsia.
>>46512609
>>46512692
Welp, that's a fucking adventure hook if I ever heard one. Help the newcomer pair in the bake off of the multiverse.Why am I picturing the Breadnaught from Wakfu as the final boss?
>>46512692
Why not Shub-Niggurath?
>>46512837
It could be, cthulu is simply the first that comes to mind when thinking of an elder god.
Even if he is weaksauce
>>46512830
The gnome wizard baker in the competition creates a bread golem who forces the judge to eat him until he likes it.
>>46510363
ESPECIALLY THEM
>>46512993
But can i put one on the bed?
>>46512945
I mostly brought her up because being in a sunken city at the bottom of the ocean probably does not lend itself well to baking
>>46513069
If you defeat it in a bake off
>>46513224
Thats why its amusing that hes the best baker across all the planes
Nothing like the cold depths to make you appreciate a warm sweetroll more
>>46513302
Maybe he just"dreams up"some really good pastries?
>>46512423
There is Human bread, Halfling bread, and Elven bread, but Dragon bread — Draco-pan — does not exist. In that case, there is no choice but to create it. This story is a serious, biographical ballad of a dragon who possesses Solar Breath, Azuma the Great Kazuma, who will create a Draconic bread made by and for Dragons, which can be presented to the world proudly.
>>46512292
the idea actually got my juices flowing and I'm currently working on making a campaign with it
now I just have to find players
>>46512292
>>46513543
Isn't that just the plot to half of Dragonheart?
>>46509695
>Imđlying that the enraged adventurers don't vptte for Trump and watch it all burn.
>>46513640
I might be a philistine, but I gave no idea what that is
Is it still original if I have no idea I was ripping something off ?
>>46513717
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P_Of0m2d8-0
>>46511034
> I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you're looking for gold, I can tell you I don't have gold but what I do have are a very particular set of skills. Skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let my daughter go now, that will be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you and I will kill you.
>>46508320
>>46508231
The current party I'm in
> The Halfling Bard would try to get some noble title
> The Human Rogue would be want to ride the dragon
> The Human Gunslinger would want to devise a trap but everyone forgets he's there
> The Half-elf Paladin would charge after it and trip over his own feet but look pretty doing that.
> The human barbarian, has not eaten a dragon yet. MEAT IS POWER!
>>46508231
>the slighty over-weight bakers daughter
I'll rescue her for some of THOSE FAT BUNS.
>>46509000
He might be doing it to raise an army of dragonborn and doesn't want broken ass genepool that the nobility has.
>>46514454
What would he want with an army of thick, half-dragon bakers?
>>46514607
To start his baking company of course
>>46511119
>fucking with the bank
Prepare to be crushed by capitalism. Who the fuck thinks its a good idea to fuck with the bank?
>bank pays three dragons to roshambo your party
>>46514800
>the dragons discover how foolish they were to attempt it, as I am wearing the most metal album cover worthy codpiece to exist on this plane or any others
You ams dildos.
>>46512168
>what have you always wanted to be!
>spearman: A dragon!
>>46514800
>roshambo
Shouldn't that be Rochambeau?
>>46510371
A princess is often a symbol of her kingdom. Her marriage is arranged to secure future political alliances. Her dynasty rests on her bearing children.
A baker's daughter may inherit her family business and her marriage is not going to affect the country or its neighbours.
Still, I'm all for rescuing the baker's daughter. Good way to make contacts among the middle class of the city and possibly a source of cheap bread when I pass through.
>>46515166
Honestly, killing a dragon is it's own reward. You get the hoard, the corpse for making gear out of, and can call yourself dragonslayer.
>>46508231
The baker sure did care though.
> The call is heard.
> Sally out.
> Slay dragon.
> Save baker's daughter.
> Steal dragon's hoard.
> Become the people's hero.
> Instigate popular uprising.
> Fund with dragon money.
> Now I am king.
The life of a noble hero, am I right?
>>46508231
saved by high-test adventurers
>>46512168
>fifty years later
>the country has absorbed its surrounding states and spread its ideology to those further in order to create a buffer zone against the actual free world
>the dragon is being furiously bred, creating an ever-growing horde of dragons as a deterrent against enemy powers
>>46514830
Skwisgaar, this that you?
>>46514642
I've had this idea rattling around in my head for a while. An extra-planar dragon is booted out of his home onto the prime material realm at a young age. He disguises himself as a humanoid to avoid detection by adventurers, for he is young not stupid. As he travels the dragon comes into contact with a mortal merchant who successfully expands his business through his savvy maneuvers and reinvesting in local interests. The dragon is so struck by the challenge of amassing wealth through business instead of mortal combat that he asks to learn from the, by now, merchant lord. Cut to several hundred years later and the dragon has a business empire woven throughout the fabric of many nations and has a hoard full of property deeds and legal contracts.
>>46508231
Bread roll for initiative
>>46508717
>Hence why the King gave zero fucks
>Knows his goddaughter's got this.
>>46509003
>Day.
>Well.
>Spent.
Same time next week for next session?
>>46510245
>Wacky comedy about baker kidnapping a baby dragon
Go away, Pixar.
>>46513849
"Oh god, I have no idea what he's saying, I CAN'T SPEAK DRACONIC!!!"
>>46516034
Hey look, several hundred years later that baby will be a undesputed master baker, capable of making a shitload of masterwork bread for almost no cost
it's a fair trade
>>46508632
Well the nobles were the times celebs.
Its just that some of them also controlled parts of your life.
>>46509259
No, 16 year old hambeast.
>>46508722
>Aristocrats are uncaring assholes.
Most of the common folk not directly related are also uncaring.
The aristocrats are just disconnected than that they dont care about someone they never met.
>>46508889
https://youtu.be/iLG6Xmq2GzQ?t=160
man, I hope you are agreeing to reference the movie instead of thinking its a good idea to make it sound like connery for fun.
>>46508625
Rome was founded thanks to greeks besieging a city for twenty years for a SINGLE pussy. Pussy makes crazy things tobehonest.
>>46508320
you are the hero the orders grandmaster knew you could be, Ser Anon
>>46510736
>you will never get hired by a dragon to save his qt3.14 tomboy adopted daughter from kidnappers
>>46517716
Don't make deals with dragons chummer.
>>46517735
Don't tell me what to do skippy
>>46508231
>small village baker's daughter
>kidnapping me, the librarian's daughter's, and the son of the
blacksmith's childhood friend
Oh he's done it now
>>46508231
I'll save her. The Wizard will come along because she's be interested in any Magic stuff the Dragon has. The Ranger will come because ADVENTURE (Read: She's an idiot-savant). The Rogue will come because money although he may bug out at any time. The Monk will come because she's got nothing better to do.
>>46517744
I have to cause you're a drek brained fuck.
>>46508231
I'll save her anyway, just because I like a good challenge.
>>46517756
No fuck you we're saving people and getting paid there's no reason to not do this
>>46508231
Are you implying that I need incentive to loot a Draconian corpse of valuable reagents and chemical supplies? Not to mention the horde.
And I thought I was going to have to either start selling magically reconstituted organs from donors ancestors (gotta make that genetic match!) on the black market if I wanted to keep myself drunk enough to forget about the eldritch horrors I saw beyond that door.
I hope it's a female dragon, with eggs. Oh, and yeah I suppose I should hit up the baker for some sort of reward. Maybe he can let me store the corpse at his place?
>>46517798
>dragons
>paying you
>implying there was a daughter to begin with
You da dummest chummer i kno'
>>46517815
>Maybe he can let me store the corpse at his place?
He's the baker, not the miller.
The fuck would you store a dragon in a bakery?
Besides that shit will rot, fast.
>>46513717
>>46513640
eh it happens in the movie but it's not the major plot point
>>46511090
>corinthian helmet
the fact that this shitty design is stil lso popular is another good reason to hate the Greeks
>>46508231
Our current group:
>Barbarian: "Hark, my compatriots! A comely rural maiden, ensnared by the vile wiles of a deadly dastardly dragon!"
>Rogue: "You know they said she's not very pretty and we really don't want to fight a dragon for some peasant."
>Barbarian: "A COMELY RURAL MAIDEN, I say! If her physique shan't be that of a goddess, then surely her heart is pure and warm as the sun's kiss on a meadow. Gather your bearings, friends, we head towards the belly of the beast!"
Wizard: "We don't even have a plan, we should.."
Barbarian: "Ah, but my friend, dragonslaying's a simple business! 'Tis naught but venturing forth, finding the winged serpent and ending it righteously. Come now! To fire and ruin we march and if lady Fortune wills it, to the arms of the elusive white queen of eternal sleep."
Rogue: "I hate you."
>>46517838
I fucking hate you when you get all negative like this ya fakkin mook
>>46513849
> I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you're looking for gold, I can tell you I have shit ton of gold but you will never see it. What I do have are a very particular set of scales. Scales I have acquired over a very long life. Scales that make me fire and death. If you let my daughter go now, that will be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you and I will kill you.
didn't even try on that. Was that obvious.
>>46513849
>If you're looking for gold, I can tell you I don't have gold
>Dragons without any gold
dats a big ol laff right there
>>46508320
No she fucking doesn't
>>46513414
>Draco-pan
> Not Pan-dragon
>>46508320
Give it up, anon, She's already been toasted.
>>46511523
>Diamat, the revolutionary dragon!
10 hours later, I realise this was the most obscure reference I have ever made.Diamat is an abbreviation for DIAlectical MATerialism, a URSS philosophy thingI know nothing about.
>>46518656
you could have at least made a half-baked pun
>>46518841
I had to make it roll off the tongue.
>>46513224
Plus, her having a thousand young and all, she's got a lot of experience in baking cookies and birthday cakes.
>>46508231
He will once the city folk rebel because there is no more good bread in the capital.
He best be quick before those guys try to establish a democracy.
>>46508231
>>46508320
This is how I paladin
>>46508850
>>46512292
Roger Zelazny wrote a lovely little short story about this.
https://www.eternal-flame.org/library/oldlibrary/georgebusiness.html
>>46519996
That was a fun read
>>46508231
>slightly overweight baker's daughter
Well shit, now I've got a real reason to fuck this lizard up.
>>46508231
Possibly the dragon only desires to ransom the daughter for a lifetime of free brioche. What other reason would it have to kidnap a baker's daughter?
>>46508231
I'd try to rescue her, the odds aren't exactly in her favor but it's only right to try.
And if I succeed, cookies.
My character has never had cookies before, I think he'd like them.
>>46522721
it's probably just to set up a "person hidden inside a cake" gag
You can't get more extreme then expecting a shaply woman in your cake, only to get a dragon
Maybe the baker is himself someone of importance, employed to cater an event with one or more heads of state. With such pressure, he could be convinced to drug or poison these people, and the dragon will move in to reap the benefits.
>>46517704
Rome was founded by a bunch of naked Italian savages who, years after they'd rolled around in Greek castoffs until some of the civilization and culture stuck with them, made up some fanfic about how they were totally the ancient enemy of the Greeks, and their leader could totally have slept with Carthage's founder if he wanted to.
>>46519653
I...I think you're saying you see nothing interesting about this. Which means you didn't put much thought into it.
But, I mean, you posted an XKCD comic, which means you probably don't put much thought into anything.
>>46523191
They then proceeded to conquer said Greeks. And he damn well could have!
>>46523344
Oh, they kicked the shit out of the Greeks, I'd never dispute that.
And, well, yes, yes Aeneas could have, because Aeneas was the Poochy of Roman mythology.
They already had a ridiculously badass founder (Romulus) and a story about mass rape (the Sabine Women) without Virgil tacking on extra chapters to Homer.
>>46519348
You just know that if Sub-Niggurath ever decided to manifest an avatar more humanoid than a giant ball of eyes, mouths and tentacles, it'd be some kind of mega-MILF.
“Ever Their praises, and abundance to the Black Goat of the Woods. Ara~! Shub-Niggurath! Ara~! Shub-Niggurath! Ara Ara~!”
>>46523442
Yeah, Aeneas was a faggoty Mary Sue. And that fight with Turnus was the weakest shit ever, especially after all the buildup.
I liked little Ascanius though, and most of the war scenes, especially the touching death of Mezentius the god-spiting tyrant, or the super-gay brothership between the running guys.
>>46518695
Oh shit. I get it.
well, at least it could be worse for the dragon
it could have been turned into a gingerbread dragon if it had picked on the wrong baker
>>46509907
This kind of attitude makes me end up being the radical revolutionary in every game I play. 3 collapsed kingdoms and countless dead nobles were worth giving NPCs a taste of Liberty and Equality
>>46508320
For a true paladin the quest never ends
>>46508722
>and take it apart for spell components and other goodies
What sort of spell components can you even get out of a baker's daughter?
>>46529376
Haste Bake +2
>>46529376
drat, the one time i don't have the comic where the they combine a cheese wedge with a cheese wheel to get a potion...
>>46529747
>>46523788
>"Ara Ara~! But I'm just some Old God~! Far too old to be worshiped by such a young, vivacious cultist~!"
>>46529900
This comic is silly. Of course you don't combine the ingredients like that.
You need a pestle and mortar! You smash the two cheeses up into lumps, then force it into a bottle.
THAT'S a potion of resist fire. That'll be three septims.
>>46530567
>You smash the two cheeses up into lumps, then force it into a bottle.
Why can't I just eat the cheese instead then?
>>46531108
is your stomach a made of glass and a bottle? No? Then sit down and let the wizard do the incredibly mathematical work of trying to fit the cheese wedges together to get free glass bottles with potions in them.
he might eventually realise the square shapped one doesn't fit in the triangle hole
>>46509907
>One fuckhole worth more than another
White knights pls go.
Slay baker's daughter, marry dragon.
>>46516140
I lawled
>>46512168
>Kingdom descends into bloodletting
>industrial output increases for a while
>Quality of living takes a dump
>good will and comradelyness devolve into paranoia and snitching
>>46515287
>high-test
What the fuck is this meme, anyway?
Is it code for "no taste" or what?
Or is it just retards who push their fetishes onto everyone else, like the lolifaggotry that used to be prevalent on /a/ and the trapfaggotry that is popular now?
>baker's daughter
>ctrl+f red
>no actual result
Shit, did no one get OP's reference?
>>46538966
>>46538975
>>46510469
Paramedic here. We CG at best.
>>46508414
I think the artist is really, really confused about what "from the left" means.
>king has decided local smallfolk have to send sacrifices to dragon
>local barons really fucking angry because they are steadily losing their workers, reducing tax income
>>46512168
>>46537198
>>46515562
>Red October is the name of a dragon
>Shtill played by Shean Connery.
>>46538941
It started as wanting women with a well-developed lower body (big quads, bangin' booty). They still had small waists, though; because fitness.
Chubby chasers stole it. Now fat chicks are "high test". It helps them normalize their fetish and pushes the pro-fat agenda.
>>46511225
>>46511523
>>46512168
An Ancient Red dragon spreading the evil of communism.
Now i have my villain for the next campaign.
>>46538941
It's a /fit/ meme. Supposedly High test men want women with more curvaceous features. It then devolved into fat girls raise your test.
>>46508625
Yeah, but What a Gal!
>>46508694
Quick! To the Batmobile!
>>46538966
>>46538975
>>46538980
Oh look, it's that trite, overwrought garbage again.
>>46518199
Oh come now, her crumpets are the best in the kingdom!
>>46540652
>disliking tales of heroic romance
Dragon pls go and stay go
>>46509128
I'm arediculously kinkyfurry, and didn't see it go in a sexual direction.
In fact I'd play in that setting and feel too heavy hearted to mess it up. Even at the dragon's behest.
>>46509308
Even in death I'm still served.
>>46508231
Well fuck the king, that Baker will give me all the bread I can eat. And I bet he has some ancient vorpal sword that he uses to cut bread that I can have.
King = gold
Baker = free food, possibly the thanks of an entire village. A goddamn magic sword and guess what, plump Baker's daughter can come adventure as the brave knights cleric pocket healer.
Don't lie to me Baker I know she knows healing spells.
bumbb
>>46544078
What do you want?
>>46508414
This looks like the guy who draws sad goblins. Is this the same guy?
>>46542636
IT IS BETTER TO BE EATEN FOR THE EMPEROR THAN BAKE FOR YOURSELF
>>46538966
'Aaaand now the redhead's gone.'
'Well, crap, that derails everything. How we gonna fix this?'
'I dunno, time travel?'
>>46518695
I thought it was the nom de guerre of some actual French Revolutionary.
>>46508717
Still remmber that one party where we started as level 0 characters from a small village, where our loved once were taken and sacrificed to an evil ritual of demon summoning. It was a remote village, so at the time, the king gave 0 fucks. Bandit raids yo.
Cut to 12 levels later, having been through dwarven mines, elven forests, and fae planes, and the same old asshole wizard abducts from our village again. The king have no idea who we are, and tells us that he cannot deal with that kind of kidnapping. So we take out to fuck up this little bastard ourselves.
Cut to 3 levels later. The kinds daughter have bee taken by an ancient dragon, who has set up nest in the most important trade city in the country. He heard we had taken care of a powerful wizard, so he recruits us to help him.
We let his kingdom and princess burn.the GM hadn't seen it coming, and was a bit pissed that he had prepared a great deal for this, and then we just skip it. But he understood us when we explained it from our point of view, and let us go on to other business.
>>46540652
This thread is literally referencing it in the OP.
The fact that no one made note of that fact is telling about the turnover of /tg/ members over the years.
I don't give a fuck if the stuff was good or not. Most of the old and loved /tg/ stuff is cringeworthy from a modern perspective.
>>46544314
more slighly overweight baker's daughter pics, didn't want you to know
>>46545466
>Most of the old and loved /tg/ stuff is cringeworthy from a modern perspective.
The pasta is from 4 years....ago. Jesus fuck, it is getting old now, isn't it?
