>your human daughter and a large Orc man walk into your house and she says "dad meet my new boyfriend, Ghamborz Brodkil the Destroyer"
How does your character react?
>>46423316
When the hell did I sire a daughter? Maybe the greenskin's seed can fix this weak link in my bloodline.
>>46423316
Deus vult green skinned bastard
>>46423316
Challenge him to a dance off.
If he can DESTROY the dancefloor, then he may have my daughter's hand.
>>46423385
Only true response.
>your human son and a large Orcess walk into your house, she points at you and says "Father-man, I take husband from you!" in broken Common
How does your character react?
>>46423449
Fuck the orcess
>>46423316
My character is just around his late twentys. How can he have a adult daughter? He also hasn't seen his house for over a year now.
Disregarding this my character most likely wouldn't give a fuck and just steal the orcs purse.
>>46423316
"The Destroyer?" Laying it on a little thick there, chummer.
>>46423316
Wonder how the hell I have a human daughter. Well, one that I didn't kill for being a failure of the bloodline anyway.
>Your orcess daughter and a large orca walk into your house, and says *orca noises*.
How does your character react?
I came into this thread expecting it to be shit and was not disappointed.
>>46423449
Insist that if she is going to be part of the family that she learn the language properly.
>>46423316
>your human son and a large Femcunt walk into your house, she points at you and says "STOP RAPING MEEEEEEEEEE" in a digusting mixture of breathing and eating
How does you character react?
>>46423316
>character shoots the greenskin right in the fucking head
>not anymore
>>46423316
Baleful polymorph him into a small something-or-other and demand she stop wasting both our time and get back to her studies.
>>46423316
Wrestle. Naked. Now.
>>46423316
>>46423449
Purge the Orc and send my descendant on a penitent crusade.
>>46423870
I'm astounded that a fictional strawman has appeared in reality, I study her for science.
Why would my character have a human daughter? He already has a minotaur son.
>>46424025
Adoption?
>>46424046
>>46424025
Come to think of it, I don't think my character's ever seen an orc.
>>46423316
Where the fuck did I get a kid?
>>46423316
>human daughter
Mother wanted ONE THING, girl. Why'd you have to go and disappoint her? She could have handled anything else, but that one thing. Come on.
>>46423316
> "Guards, kill him and confine my daughter."
>>46424024
>Fictional
I wish, I would have a lot less problems as afagif those people weren't real.
>>46423316
The daughter was a ruse
The house was a Trap
The orcs homeland just got sacked
so probably pretty well
>>46423316
He hates transhumanism and would hate the idea of his daughter making a half orc so he would whip out his magic greatsword and quadruple attack that green skinned bastardand then his daughter for betraying him
>>46423316
>"Do you want some Tea Ghamborz? I have alot of Storys to tell how i found MY wife at the crusade to get rid of an mighty Orc Warchief. By the way, want to see my +3 Orc Bane Longsword?"
>>46423316
"The Destroyer" doesn't fill me with a lot of confidence. Men who destroy aren't necessarily good at building a household, or occupying it through the necessary years of a young child's life. Names, of course, can be misleading, and it's not as though a boyfriend will necessarily become her husband. Still, I'd insist the young man stay for dinner. We could talk about a number of things, save the serious talks for when things are a bit more serious than just "my new boyfriend". For now, making sure he has a good head on his shoulders and isn't getting my daughter into anything dangerous should be enough.
>Your son brings a Tau "trap" home how does your carácter reacts?
>>46424695
40k is a fucked, racist, grimdark hell. I'd probably have to discourage this relationship before some righteous inquisitor took it as a reason to strip me of my home, my job, and my basic human rights. I fucking hate 40k.
>>46424791
Don't worry. You never had any basic human rights in the first place.
>>46424791
>I fucking hate 40k.
>>46423316
>Human Daughter
Did I adopt or something?
>>46423605
*racist orca reply*
>>46423605
Jesus fucking Christ
>>46423316
My Estalian diestro doesn't have any children (that he knows of...), and greenskins reproduce asexually. So I guess he assumes he ate something that is making him hallucinate.
Extreme confusion as my character is Dwarf and has no children.
>>46423316
Challenge him to single combat. To the death.
If he can kill me, then he's worthy.
>>46423316
>human daughter
Finish the abortion I prematurely aborted
>Orc man
Enslaved and sent to die in the mines.
Try to find out if he knows any orc widows who need a husband.
>>46423316
what? I thought you were gay. Please to meet you young man.
Dishonor this family and I will eat you heart
My current character? My current character is a goblin (who doesn't have children, but let's pretend he does), and while he is very strong for someone his size, he has a lot of beef with "the tall people". Either this orc impresses him with some impressive feat of skill and sneakiness or it ends badly.
>>46423364
>>46423584
>>46424025
>>46425008
>>46426472
These kind of replies are the fucking worst. In every "What if" question, there's always people like this saying "but I'm/It's not X, so It's never gonna happen/I'd question how I have a Y". It's a figurative idea, imagine not what is happening but what would happen if you/your character was in the situation. This is what these games are about in the first place.
>>46423316
>Ghamborz Brodkil the Destroyer
>Brodkil
>Broad- Kill
He better fucking not
>Your sister brother home a bloody dragon in a human form, you, an Orc, and your brother fucked a gnome, this is by far the most tame.
Family reunions are hell at times, how in hell his eldest got a silver dragon he will never know, nor will he want to.
>>46427618
>>Your sister brother home a bloody dragon in a human form, you, an Orc, and your brother fucked a gnome, this is by far the most tame.
Y-You too
>>46423449
With jealousy and pride.
>>46423316
My human artificer/monk is pretty much okay with it, but his orcish wife is wondering where in the hell the pure-blooded human daughter came from.
He spends the rest of the evening using his Wisdom bonus to AC serenely dodging Barbarian Range-enhanced attacks with an iron skillet.
>>46423316
I roll for initiative.
>>46427717
top heh
oh god my sides
>>46423316
BIG
>>46424692
"The Destroyer" is his family name. He's actually an accountant with a medium sized firm.
>>46423316
Who are you and what are you doing in my shed?
>mfw character is Gnome Cleric who values life in all forms, though respect is not entirely on the table...
>mfw first mission involves accompanying a caravan of Orc traders from scavengers and we've made a good friend of their chief.
"Okay, one :how the flying fuck are you still standing? Two: I ain't payin' for your fuckin' bills, which leads to three: I know an Orc Caravan off Yewcreek, if you mention Jak the Miracle Man you might get a job. Just ask for Krugh."
>>46423316
In response, I fuck Tommy in the ass.
>>46423316
>"As long as you're sure about this. Let me know if anything goes south, alright? And you. If you hurt her, well. We're gonna have a problem. Everybody clear?"
>>46423316
They are clearly telepathic changelings attempting an assassination plot against me, so I use my magical powers to turn their intestines into snakes permanently.
Soon after I realize I DID have a wench be impregnated by me, and I had her teleported to a distant land. Clearly she was sent to a land with many Orcs who take in humans as mates, so clearly I must visit this place and transmute them all into blood golems.
Oh dear, what to do with all these black mombas slithering about?
>>46428106
This is why wizards should not breed.
>>46423316
>Eat dinner with him
>Daughter goes on and on about how strong the orc is
>Orc is nervously sweating the whole time and nodding
>You notice his cup is shaking in his hand
>Later, he manages to get you alone for a moment
>He whispers sharply, fearfully
>"YOU HAVE TO SAVE ME MAN"
Have the Orc go on a dungeon crawl with me, if he survives he can marry my kid.
>>46428185
>NIPS.
>>46423605
I'm fine with it, just so long as they raise their kids to be good Orcus followers.
>>46423605
Public a feature-length documentary and abolish the captive breeding of orca whales.
"Hmm? Really?" *rolls eyes, and then casts disintegrate on orc* "what have I told you about the lesser races honey? Now go out and become a psion like daddy, before I disintegrate you for being a waste of humanity."
>>46423316
> "Class and level?"
This orc better have some real goddamn levels.
No child of mine is marrying someone with an NPC class.
>>46423316
>>46423449
Terminate Orcs along with any possible pregnancy.
Determine if kids were charmed through magic.
If so lift the spell , explain it to them and go seek out the fucker so I can torture him and his soul.
Also my settings Orcs are just green gorillas that behave like chimps and are demonspawn same as tieflings but were purposely made to be mindless/soul-less and are thus a plight and desease that has to be eradicated.
>>46423449
I believe the appropriate term is "Sow"
>>46423316
Ask him what things he's destroyed.
They better be good.
How the fuck did I get a daughter when I am a wizard?
>>46428818
one burst from your head like athena.
A common wizard problem.
>>46428842
And here I thought those headaches were due to MELAS syndrome that I inherited from my mom.
>>46423316
Fireball. If either of them survived then hit them again.
>>46423316
Have a tussle with him. If he manages to stay conscious for a minute and a half, he gets to date my daughter.
>>46423316
>>your elven son and a large Orc man walk into your house and he says "dad meet my new boyfriend, Ghamborz Brodkil the Destroyer"
How does your character react?
>oath of vengeance paladin
SMITE
SMITE FOR LIKE 5D6 +2D6 + 1D8
>>46430245
"Your ass was destroyed years ago, boy, when you were dating that mongoloid human. Now git out."
>"That surname better be just that. A surname ONLY."
Last character is a Chaotic Good Cleric pushing epic, who has the saint template. No evil in this house.
>>46423316
To him:
>"So she told you the rules, then? The archery gauntlet comes first."
To her:
>"I know I said 'marry for love', but please tell me he's got more than a 'nice personality'."
>>46423924
THIS EVERY TIME THIS
>>46424791
Human rights, in my Imperium? This cannot BE!
>>46423316
The character I most recently played would most likely set about trying to help this "poor young man" with his "horrible looking skin condition"
>>46423316
Son. Are you aware of the Genetic make up of my daughter?
Are you prepared, if in case you do knock her up that her children may have multiple limbs, venom glands, the soul of either/or a mimic or a thousand year old dracolich?
Don't ask, just answer. This is important.
My Paladin Holy Gun would grit and stare him down with his one good eye. If the Green sonova bitch can give a firm handshake, were im buusness.
Also because this is midevil times, ill give my daughter away for 2 cows and some Orc Gold
most likely "Oh god, she's already fucking the mortals at twenty, I was at least four hundred before bipedal creatures started looking viable. What the fuck is she going to be wrapping her clam around when she's my age?"
>>46430734
>Your human daughter.
>human.
>>46423316
>human daughter
>human
Normally I disapprove of the "it couldn't apply to my character because X" responses. but I feel like at least 70% of the honest responses to this would be "Why is my daughter human when I'm X"
you dun fuck up OP
>>46430801
>using why is my daughter human when im x
>implying not glorious human master race blessed by god emprah
Depends on a lot of factors. Where is the orc from? Is he civilized or part of one of those kill and trample asshole tribes? Is the Destroyer just a family name or does he actually destroy things? And if so, what is it he destroys exactly?
Also, something something ORCED porn.
Meh. At least he isn't a drow.. or black.
>>46428185
Human peasant parents with an elf daughter that has hooked up with a troll of some sort?
>>46424791
No one cares that you got triggered. Away with you.
>>46424828
This guy gets it.
>>46424791
>racist
Only if you're an alien or mutant faggot
>>46423385
This is pretty much exactly what my most recent character would do, given that the daughter in question wasn't his oldest; she'd be reserved for a political marriage to some noble family or another.
The character I played before that would kill the Orc on the spot, then spend the rest of the evening yelling at his daughter for being such a disgrace to the family.
>>46424791
Its meant to be, its just that everyone involved forgot it was a parody
>>46423508
>Impregnate chick at 13
When you're 28 that kid'll be 14 and ripe for marriage regardless.
>a fucking orc walks into my house
Take a wild guess.
>>46428278
underrated post
>>46423316
Regret wasting years of my life raising a daughter only to have to kill her for racemixing with a subhuman.
>>46431612
>hedgehog
what.
Whatever, fuck it.
>>46423316
I immediately find other reasons to dislike the Orc. What does he do for a living? What alignment is he? Is he an adventurer or is he a murderhobo?
I want my daughter to raise her kids in a stable, safe environment, and an adventurer for a husband will not do. No, sir.
>>46423316
Kill them.
It's OK I'll raise them in a month or so.
First of all, remind her that I'm her mom. Then I'll give the orc a beating he won't ever forget so that he knows exactly who is in charge of the family. If he accepts that, we're good. If not, tell her to find a man who also has a brain, because brawn alone isn't good enough for our family line.
>>46431653
>I immediately find other reasons to dislike the Orc. What does he do for a living? What alignment is he? Is he an adventurer or is he a murderhobo?
>I want my daughter to raise her kids in a stable, safe environment, and an adventurer for a husband will not do. No, sir.
Wow we have a guy who'd make a good or decent parent who's concerned about the well being of their kiddies.
>>46423870
I realize I'm in a fantasy and proceed to do whatever the fuck I want and topple the evil SJW empire that's the source of all my problems.
>>46431671
You sound shocked.
Not everyone's an unlikable troglodyte.
>>46423316
"Kill, the Destroyer"?
Honey you know we love you, but you can't be happy dating all those closeted edgelords. Let him go, we'll introduce you to a boy that won't leave you for a stablehand at 30.
>>46431822
he won't make it that far, anon.
they never do.
>>46423316
Pin him down to the floor and ride his dick to extract the seed and verify quality of his genetics.
>>46427938
So, "The Obliterator" would be a more appropriate title, is what you're saying?
"If this one pisses you off, leave him alive enough for fleshcrafting experiments. I need more humanoids to work with."
>>46431849
What is that from?
>>46432048
Google Boku no Pico
>>46432022
Just dont get it mixed up with the Obliterator Family who lives 2 blocks down.. You know, the one that runs a grocery store?
>>46423316
Well, my half orc paladin probably wouldn't care, considering he united a bunch of orc tribes under his banner and "reformed" them.
Though that title is awfully evil sounding. Hopefully he's just keeping up a family tradition, because otherwise it's smiting time.
>>46423316
>Give him a strained smile and invite him in.
>Offer a glass of brandy, then ask him about himself.
>Find out how he met my daughter and how he made her fall for him.
>Ask him about his clan and find out where they're hiding.
>Ask about their numbers and how many trained warriors are among them.
>Ask him if his clan sent him, or if he was stupid enough to come after me on his own.
>Give the poison in his brandy time to kick in, then drag him to the basement when he's knocked out.
>Tie him to a chair and prepare my tools while I wait for him to wake.
>Go through my questions one more time in a less friendly manner.
>Keep him alive untill I've confirmed the location of his clan, as well as any other nearby orc clans, and butchered every last one of his vile kin.>Let my daughter be the one to put him out of his misery.
>Congratulate her on a job well done.
>>46432048
DON'T LISTEN TO >>46432088 BRO, DON'T LISTEN.
>>46432214
This guy is just a spoil sport.
Google Boku no Pico and the sequels
>>46425028
*unsolicited opinions on Israel?*
>>46431722
On 4chan though, it's kinda what's expected.
>>46423316
Ask the weakling if he is willing to take me on in single combat.
ME! Kahrgoz Knarrok! The Legion Breaker! Destroyer of the Warhost of the North! Undisputed Master of Bakers! Warlord of the Shattered Helm Clan!
>>46431612
yfw you realize he is massaging its crotch...
>>46432256
Those are the animated version though. This was a live adaptation.
Although it's best to start with those for the main story.
>>46428164
If all it takes is the sacrifice of one life to get my horrible daughter to move out of my house, so be it. I can live with that, I will finally be free. I can only wish that my grandchildren will be as much a curse to her as she has been to me.
>>46423316
Well if she's that fat no wonder all she could get was a black orc.
They're the only ones that like'em so obese.
And that's fine! That's fine, I mean, whatever floats their boat.
But he kinda sounds douchey with that name.
>>46423316
>your human daughter
>your character react?
...
Well my shapechanger character doesn't even bat an eye at the Orc. Though He'd probably be wondering how the fuck he has an adopted human daughter.
>>46432158
Only true answer.
>>46423316
>>46423449
>>46430245
>Same reaction for all of these, approach orc and say
Okay, there's a Drow chick down on the corner of Gottlesfront and 5th. We're both going there now.
She'll ask 'you wanna see the stars' and we BOTH are gonna answer "I am bread, cassowary of the walkway."
When we come to a week from now, if you're still alive and sane, and the pixie you puke up hasn't murdered you, then welcome to the family!
>>46423605
If it ain't Wright it ain't right!
>>46423870
Apologize to my son that I wasn't there to protect him from being captured by Jabba the Hutt. In those exact words, at maximum talking volume.
>>46424695
Drag my son aside, and in a whispered tone ask "so how do they, ya know? Is it the face vadge? Does that even get 'em off?"
>>46431099
Daughter looks human, maybe she just docked her ears to blend into his tribe better.
>>46432048
Yuusha Yoshihiko/The Hero Yoshihiko.I confess that I downloaded the series because of that image. It's pretty absurdly funny at times, and /tg/ to boot. enjoy anon.
>>46423316
Depends on if I recognize the name or not. Odds are I've come across a lot of orcs at this point in my career, so I want to make sure this isn't a problem who followed me home.
If not, shake his hand firmly, invite him to dinner, and grill him about his intentions for my daughter, goals in life, and skill set for accomplishing them. If he seems like he's going places I'll offer my blessings, if he's just going to get killed by adventurers then I forbid him from seeing her again. Better to break her heart now than when I cut his head off.
>>46431099
Her ears aren't pointed, it's just the angle her head is tilted at.
>>46434319
>If he seems like he's going places I'll offer my blessings, if he's just going to get killed by adventurers then I forbid him from seeing her again.
What if he's a Lawful Evil warlord?
>>46423316
WHY ARE YOU HERE I THOUGHT THE GESTAPO KILLED MY FAMILY AFTER I JOINED THE ABWEHR AND FOUND OUT THE SECRET SCIENCY SHIT THEY DIDNT WANT ME TO KNOW
ALSO GET IN THE TANK THERE IS GAS
>>46423316
>>46428185
Racemixing is absolutely disgusting
If the gods wanted us to mix they would have made just 1 race
By mixing you are throwing away all your genetics and bringing a disgusting mongrel into this world
Besides, Orc men are brutish savages you will leave your a single mother.
And so I wake in the morning
And I step outside
And I take a deep breath and I get real high
And I scream from the top of my lungs
What's going on?
And I say, hey hey hey hey
I said hey, what's going on?
And I say, hey hey hey hey
I said hey, what's going on?
And I say, hey hey hey hey
I said hey, what's going on?
And I say, hey hey hey hey
I said hey, what's going on?
>>46434431
Depends on his stance towards the kingdom I'm a part of. Conquer and enslave humanity? He's going to come down with a sudden case of the dead in the foreseeable future, and I don't want to widow my daughter. Military alliance or robust trading partners? That's the sort of initiative I can get behind.
>>46423605
Does anyone else really want to know what that offspring would look like?
[/spoiler]I'm guessing something analogus to merfolk anatomy but mammalian
Since my character is a warforged. I can only assume I built my daughter with the help of some wizardry bullshit. If that is the case then her vagina is probs filled with razors, bobwire, and thumb tacks.
>>46423316
"The Destroyer" eh? Quite a title.
Tell you what Orc, you may have my daughter's hand if you prove to me your worth. Take my silver blade, and do not return until it is soaked in the vile blood of twenty vampires.
Do this task, and I swear by the ancient elvish laws that you will return not as a suitor, but as honored family.
Now go, may the Gods guide your steps.
>>46423316
My last few characters were all women. I think the last guy I played was a Zenith Solar. So I guess he'd think the orc was some sort of hobgoblin?
Anyway: social charms. Solves everything.
>>46423316
Destroyer, eh? Tell me what you destroyed, Ghamborz.
>>46436830
>he answers "pussy"
How do you respond?
>>46423316
Jokes on you, I'm playing Eberron
>human daughter
But I married a kitsune.
>>46437797
>Humans and Kitsune can't crossbreed
>You chose to adopt instead
Solved.
>>46438069
Well they can in our setting. Even played the daughter in a sort of "sequel" campaign.
But going by your rules, seeing as my character was an uptight priest turned demigod of a water gpd, one that obviously has no objections to interracial/species romances (even encourages followers to breed with Merfolk), and also has no particular beef with Orcs in general, his primary concerns would be whether or not Ghamborz Brodkil here respects the gods, water, and nature, and whether or not he pings as "obviously evil" from Detect Evil.
If he respects these concerns, my character will be fine with Ghamborz and work to bringing him to the faith of the water god. If he doesn't, my character forces his daughter back in the house, puts a bubble around it, and plane shifts it to the domain of the water god.
Get to know the orc. If he's a cunt, engage him in a screaming match, and likely end up tossing him through a wall. If he's alright, give them my blessing, and likely engage him in a screaming match and throw him through a wall.
>>46423316
GREENSKIN
GREENSKIIIIIIIIIIIN
JOKES ON YOU I HAVE +11 INITIATIVE I ALWAYS GO FIRST CUNT
WE
>>46438854
>>JOKES ON YOU I HAVE +11 INITIATIVE I ALWAYS GO FIRST CUNT
>Rolls 1
>Orc gets 20
>>46430245
>How does your character react?
Well being an elf myself, I know that relationships come and go, so I let my son have his fun as life is too long to not try everything.
>>46423316
I fill it with 00 buck because supermutants are fucking dangerous.
>>46423449
Manly tears.
>>46423316
Kill orc, disown daughter, throw her out.
>>46423449
Slight confusion, then asking all kinds of questions about how they met and what they've done together so far.
I need to know this is /real/.
My gnome wizard wonders when the fuck he had a daughter, let alone a human one, suspects an illithid plot and kills them both
>>46423316
"You're adopted, i'm a half elf, he at least had to courtesy of taking his shoes off and i always appreciate a man of considerable physical prowess such as my own."
>>46437202
"Well, Mr.Smartmouth, does your skull manage to stand a blow from a +100kg slab of iron i call A-Maul-I-Stole-From-An-Ogre?"
>>46423316
Given that I think I'm dead and in the afterlife I just let it happen.
I'm not really in the afterlife but I have very good reasons for believing I am.
>>46423316
My current character would probably just be glad she found someone strong and was happy herself. He's done quite a bit of adventuring alongside a half-orc.
>>46424546
I want mimics to leave.
>>46423316
Tell her to stop showing people the family tunnel way to my wizard tower then use various spells to see if the Orc will treat her right.
If not, summon monster IV.
If so, give my blessings.
>>46437202
Not the same person you respond to, but I slay him with tentacles
>>46443282
"Foolish Mortal!"
"Take it bitch!"
"MMPH! MM MMPH MPH MM MM!"*
*"threesomes with married couples rock"
