Got stories to share? It doesn't have to just be pen and paper shenanigans. Stuff such as EDH/board game betrayal is welcome too.
One time the GM clearly wanted me to drink ye flash but I threw it at a guy's face instead and it was deadly poison okay bye.
One time the GM was implying strongly that we should check out the cemetery
Rogue goes 'nah, I think I'm gonna hit on all the girls instead'
Crit fails on the first girl he meets, and it went down hill from there.
It ended with the entire city in flames, and the bodies of the citizens, an army of goblins, and dozens of owl bears and bandits just.. everywhere.
We never made it to the cemetery..
>>46013899
And people wonder why I'm such a prude in games. This is what happens when you think with your penis.
>>46014683
I would if I weren't a poorfag myself, I can barely afford to pay for myself.
>>46014755
Yeah, players like that bother me too. I don't mind a bit of romance and flirting and sex every now and again, it's normal. But players who try to stick their dick into literally everything they find really slows the game down and everyone except that one guy is annoyed.
The rogue ends up fucking his long-lost mother that he was looking for though, got a magical STD and had his dick cut off so he got his comeuppance.
Had a post-apoc game where a new player joined. The party found a computer with really weird coded messages appearing (aka plot hook).
Suddenly, the new guy decided to just smash the computer up, destroying the next plot hook. He had some extremely flimsy excuse, which only annoyed us more.
Needless to say, the campaign ended shortly after that because the DM didn't know how to spin the story afterwards; he had too rigid a campaign planned out.
Now that I look back, it was a mixed blessing in disguise. Still a dick move though.
>>46014970
>The rogue ends up fucking his long-lost mother that he was looking for though,
and the rogue didn't immediately gouge his own eyes out, or try to scrub the shame off his dick until it bled, upon discovery?
>>46014970
Sounds like he was a realmotherfucker[/quote]
>Playing Hunter: The Vigil
>Group escaping cultist basement of a firebombed hospital.
>Dragging along half-dead plot NPC
>They get attacked by a ghoul twenty feet from the exit
>One of the PCs decide that shooting the NPC in the head and throwing the corpse at the ghoul was a good way to escape
Well.
Guess who's showing back up as a headless monster to fuck your shit up?
>>46006891
The entirety of the Kingmaker game I was in. One guy just had to make his PC (battle oracle) impossible to ever quite get along with. It got so much worse when the PC got elected as the Leader of our little nation. Let a hag cult move in because "muh girl power", and they went and sacrificed a kid. Got invaded by werewolves looking for breeding stock... the PC married their leader and got knocked up, allowed the whole pack to move in and build a town. "Don't worry, we'll get werewolf shock troops!" and then never imposed a draft or anything on them. People moved away from the werewolves, we decided to check on them after a bit. Leader didn't wait for spies to come back with intel, sent us off blind. Player rolled a different PC to play while his oracle was preggers, who showed up out of the blue, as one of my PC's (the general) trusted and hand chosen archers. "Who the hell are you and where's Marick?" "What? Who's that? It's been me the whole time, are you blind?"
Just, every plan had to go stupid. Game fell apart after the "check on farmers that didn't like lycan neighbors" turned out to be a trap with some OP, plot armored magus.
>Dungeons: The Dragoning
>party has just finished buying a whole bunch of expensive things due to a massive oversight on my part
>say, "Fuck that, you're not getting off this planet without a fight"
>find a monster hunter enemy in the forums to ambush them
>"Wait, I think I have Animal Ken"
>Fuck it, I'll let him roll
>almost all of his dice explode
>and again
>and again
>the monster just kinda shrugs and walks away.
>Playing a monk in 3.PF
>Grappling EVERYTHING
>until we come across a tower where 75% of the monsters are incorporeal
>Spend entire sessions staring at the wall with nothing do to
>eventually we get to the top, find a demon trapped in a magic circle who offers to grant us anything if we let him out
>party says nah, this isn't the BBEG, and it's contained, so let's just ignore it
>find the BBEG, he's incorporeal
>spend a session and a half staring at the wall, again.
>finally decide FUCK IT, I'MMA GO GRAPPLE A DEMON
>stepping into the magic circle breaks it
>demon breathes black flies on me
>summons another of his kind
>I'm dead
>party now has to deal with 2 demons
>nofucksgiven.jpg
Yeah, I was that guy.
>5e game
>minor pvp happens due to the bard insulting the edge lord
>ends with only about 5 damage to both sides
>ingame hour later edge lord hits bard and his horse with moon beam for 17 install killing the horse
>5 more days of travel till next town
>when asked why his character just pops his collar and grunts about not messing with him
>>46017940
>until we come across a tower where 75% of the monsters are incorporeal
see, what I want to know is:
Why didn't the GM slip your character some brass knuckles with ghost touch, or... some potion that would give the imbiber's unarmed attacks "ghost touch" for x amount of time, in an earlier treasure hoard? you wouldn't be grappling shit but at least you could do something.
I mean, I get throwing shit at the party that forces them to change-up their routine, but a GM shouldn't be doing shit to utterly render one or more PC(s) completely impotent.
>>46018694
Kill him now. These things never end well
>>46018694
>when asked why his character just pops his collar and grunts about not messing with him
well, I suppose he is technically acting in-character, but with that said... yeah, that character is going to become a lot more disruptive really soon, so you need to get rid of that character and get the player to roll up a different character, preferably one that is not as antisocial.
>This campaign is boring!
>I attack the party and kill everyone.
Every fucking time. And I can't kick you out because your roommates both play with us and you guys usually host.
I've got a greentext about this one...
>5th Edition Game.
>I'm taking a break from DMing to work out the next part of the campaign.
>Player offers to run a one-shot for the week.
>Another player wants to bring his new girlfriend.
>Ask what sort of character she wants to play.
>He says she wants to play a female Tiefling cleric of "Cocomama" the incan goddess of fertility and cocaine.
>Hoo boy, here we fucking go.
>We're sent to investigate a mountain that soldiers haven't been returning from.
>We get there, she immediately starts trying to loot the place and burn down the village.
>Eventually we find the leader of a local dragon cult because obviously there's a dragon there.
>I manage to talk our way out of fighting, while she tries to convert all the kobolds and half-dragons there to her god by telling them how much better sex is while on coke.
>She rolls to seduce the cult leader.
>Succeeds.
>Thank god our DM fades to black.
>The next morning the dragon finally shows up.
>I try and convince the dragon to come down the mountain with us so we can fight her one on one.
>She tries to convince the dragon to get all hopped up on coke and fuck.
>To prove her point her boyfriend's character reveals that he's been cursed with a six foot long penis.
>His character whips it out in front of everyone.
>We start fighting the dragon.
>She takes the dragon's side in the fight.
>She starts attacking the other player characters while casting command on her boyfriend's character and ordering him to grovel.
>Eventually me and the other PC end up just running away, ending the session.
And it was fucking hilarious. I haven't laughed that hard playing D&D in a long time. Thank god it was just a one shot, but I am worried what this girl will do once we actually get back to the main campaign.
>>46019052
You mean in game right?
>>46019492
shhhure...
>>46019322
host yourslef if it pisses you off that much
or maybe ask the other 2 if they like his behaviour and kick him out after that
>>46019569
Sure, I can host, but the real issue is they don't want to kick him out because they live with him and don't want hard feelings.
>>46019052
Oh he's done arguably worse to NPC'S. That was just the first time he directly attacked another player.
>all lvl 1
>wandering around town looking for quests
>Edgerson the CN rogue decides to go steal from a church
>random guy notices him with his hand in the donation bin
>Edgerson goes for KO
>misses and citizen gets him in a headlock and gives him to guards
>Due to good persuade by bard he's let off with a warning
>Edgerson stalks the citizen home
>Fails pick lock and stealth so badly that random citizen thought he was knocking
>Edgerson goes for the kill with his dual daggers
>nat 1 trips over his feet not even drawing his knives
>Gets invited in for food and drinks
>Goes inside and sees 3 other people they are playing a game called holding cells and drakes
>chuckles were had
>decides to sit on the floor in the corner of the room
>Hes trying to find drinks to poison
>Fails stealth again
>Sorry but can you leave you're making my guests uncomfortable
>Edgerson: How about you try and make me? rolls intimidate and gets not bad but apperantly failed
>Citizen makes him
>>46021720
Sounds like it'd be pretty amusing, but also like it'd lead to delays.
Good to hear he has no favour with the dice gods.
>>46021720
Edgelords failing this much never ceases to amuse me. That's karma for ya.
Speaking of which.
>Anti -social not-Kratos party member (some 3rd party race called Godling)
>We meet a random party of animal trappers
>First thing Kratos decides to do is to attack of them with his great sword and almost killed one of them
>Had to bail him out by burning Cure Light Wounds on the NPC
SERIOUSLY. What the hell is up with all these anti-social lone wolf twats? Don't play at all if you're only going to do reckless YOLO crap at random points in the game. I'd rather have a railroady party member than another lone wolf edgelord.
My friend introduced us all to One Night Werewolf the other night. It was great, except for one person who decided that he wanted to always get the host lynched every round instead of actually playing for his team.
>>46025522
Sometimes if they want to be a "lone wolf" they need to go do it alone. The party doesn't have to put up with that shit.
>>46016023
>Got invaded by werewolves looking for breeding stock... the PC married their leader and got knocked up, allowed the whole pack to move in and build a town.
That's LITERALLY EXACTLY the plot of one porn comic by Jay Naylor.
>>46025642
please tell me he was a smug neckbearded ham beast.
>>46026948
No actually I'm the neckbearded ham beast. He's super tall and skinny.
I'm guilty of being a dick for a couple games in this one campaign
>the dm started all us PC's as cops/detectives
>there are cars and bikes, machinery of that caliber
>sweet noir/fantasy vibe going
>its PF so i make a rogue variant knifemaster, but change it to sap master
>rolling d8's for sneak attack
>sap master feats give me 2 x my SA pool
>improved feint and some other feat let me feint an unsuspecting target outside of combat, and sneak attack for max damage on sneak attack dice
>one punch would equal: 1d4 fist + 8d8's all rolling max
After about 2 games i stopped actively looking for people to sucker punch
>>46026991
just as good
>>46019322
>>46019681
Designate game night with him for lolrandum hilarity (it can be fun for you if you get into the groove); host a serious plot game at a different time, don't tell him.
