Gather 'round, all ye hero's both great and small, for I hereby call to order yet another important meeting of the world renowned Adventurers Guild! Friends, I come to you all today bearing bad news! Recently, a study published by the both the Mages' Guild, and the Guild of Eternal Love and Nature, has recently discovered that the kingdom's Goblin population is currently on the decline, with 106 of the local 237 goblin tribes having been completely wiped out within the last month! Now normally I would call forth a great guild feast to celebrate such joyous news, but alas, I cannot, for as of this morning, the local monarch, King Gryan "Nofuneallowed" Xellinosta IX, has proclaimed that the local Goblinoid populations to now be on "The Endangered Species Scrolls", meaning anyone caught killing goblins, hobgoblins, and Bugbears will now be executed!
This my friends, is bad news Owlbears. As more than 62% of all submitted Guilds requests are to quell the local goblin populations! Now before we act out and begin a massive Crusade about our livelihoods, I wish to hear everyone's opinions on this matter about what we should do. Afterward, we can THEN form a Crusade to defend our livelihoods!
Well, In my opinion, I feel that we should do the sensible thing, and simply ride this out. Let the goblins rebuild for a few weeks, and wait for all the requests to start flooding in.
>>45887127
Da dis meen noe 'uh can na make noe mor' Goblin Suprize?
... Alsuh, what's a crew' sades?
>>45887231
Well, to be honest Crug. No one can actually eat your, "Goblin Surprise". It's not that we don't want to... Ok it's that, but also the fact that goblin isn't considered a very healthy meat.
>>45887127
By the way, Did the study say anything about how the goblins are dying off? I mean, not that it matters, I'd simply like to know is all.
>>45887302
Buh I totele used Presti'itation on dem! Dey should be fine ta eatz!
By the way, I have to ask. But how did the nobles respond to those barrels of infinite mead? I mean I've heard rumors while I was on my travels last week, but nothing substantial.
Just as a minor side note, if anyone manages to find the missing key to the wine cellar, I'd very much appreciate it if it was returned.
>>45887617
How the hell did you manage to lose that! Don't we need it for tomorrows peace treaty signing between the kingdom of Susceti and the Magical Republic of Demoase!?!
>>45887677
It's not my fault ok! ...I mean not entirely my fault! I was having a midnight drink last night when I saw some horned she devil slip in and then onto Sohan! and in my obviously calm and NOT drunken state... Somehow, managed to... drop it...
>>45887724
I don't know whats worse! The fact that our livelihoods are currently on the line, or that our lives might very soon be on the line!
>>45887810
Well if it's any consolation, that bottle of Czar you brought in yesterday afternoon was quite the find!
>>45887872
...Remind me again why it is that you're the one leading us...?
>>45887872
>>45887937
Uh, is i' not becuz all Duh o'ders died fighin' some evil guy?
>>45887996
>>45887872
>Marth would stare at the two "Adventurers" with a look of exasperation upon his face.
...I hate you both right now.
I bet the Mages' Guild doesn't have to put up with this sort of incompete-... Actually scratch that, They probably put up with a HELL of a lot more!
So... I guess the question still stands... What should we do about the Goblins?
I for one, am personally interested in the idea of doing a crusade! Both for the reason that it is a crusade, and the reason that goblins are evil creatures that need to be extinguished from the world!
>>45888512
Well I can appreciate the fact that the guilds "Departemtnos Lawfully Stupidious" is always p for a crusade, I don't really think this is the right time for a crusade. Especially with the local nobles keeping track of our every movement.
>>45888512
>>45888736
Well, things seem to be going quite well with this meeting! So if you'll excuse me, I need to go slay... a uhm... A Foxgor...illa.... YEAH a Foxorrilla! So if you'll excuse me!
>Nyle's would quickly bolt out of the meeting room.
As long as we're not forced into making goblinoids get 'busy' then I see no problem with this. Although if they're doing so poorly, wouldn't they have simply returned to going underground? Weren't many of them originally the problems of Dwarf and Elf before we came along?
>>45888899
Oh no you don't yo- Annnnnnnnd he's gone...! Great...
>>45888921
...I tried to gather people around last week. No memo or notice that we'd be skipping a week. And just like that, he bolts out the moment I come stumbling in.
>facegauntlets and sighs
Maybe Sohai had the right idea before we found that fucking genie... I think I need a drink.
>>45888917
Well I personally haven;t seen the study yet, so I don't know the details behind this. All I know is that killing goblinoids makes up 62% of the guilds annual requests, and without them, we won't have the necessary funds to maintain the guild facilities, or our growing numbers.
>>45889001
I have an idea!
We get all the thieves and rangers together to round up and trap goblinoids and relocate them to a protected area. This by extension helps rebuild our reputation and helps preoccupy the arses who drug our guild through the muck in the first place. That way the rest of us can get shit done.
>>45888958
So I've heard from some of the others this week. As far as I know, Nyle's ended up losing his memory and spent last week thinking he was involved with the Mages' guild, while I decided to make a trip back home.Sorry about that, had a huge snow storm last week that shut off my power RIGHT as I was about to post XD.
>>45889056
Well, from what I've heard, the new laws say we can't go near them, let alone mess with their current habita- I mean, their current living space. Plus it might be hard to keep a lot of the guild rangers in line, considering so many of them have hate boners for them.
>>45889176
Have we tried making them watch Sohai and Czarina? I'm pretty sure that display would sicken anyone else into obedience...
>>45889294
>Marth would shudder at the thought
...I'll take your word for it... But I'd rather have a plan that DOESN'T involve public displays of nudity.
Well, Does anyone have any ideas as to how we can fix this?
>>45889350
Fair point. So we have more shite that we can't reliably work through and that will continue to hamper our incoming and further impose yet even more restrictions on our activities... Can guild members just be terminated for being terrible at what they do? I mean, between Nyle, yourself and I we're probably the scariest if not the most intimidating persons here. Maybe if the three of us just went knocking heads to see who knows what?
>>45889591
>Marth would chuckle at this
Well it's not the first time the guild has had to do such things in order to survive.... and it probably won't be the last. And as for job terminations... We here at the Adventurers guild typically find that if you suck at doing your job, the job typically ends up killing you. And while I have to agree about us being the usual folk during these meetings, I'd rather not have to resort to killing an entire kingdom in order for us to keep our jobs.
>>45889591
Also, I gotta say. Nice armor and Circlet. Where'd you get it?
>>45889716
Fair enough. I'm usually too busy taking jobs off of the board anyways. Speaking of which...
>Rummages through his bag of holding, pulling a scrap of parchment out and reads through it.
Would you know where I can find this "Lord Anobelous" lives? They wanted five-hundred meter by meter by meter cubes of rust slate sheet rock. I know where to get the rock but I want to know if this guy is legitimate. It states that his reward is "ten gallons of ancient wyrm seed" and I have an elaborate prank that I need to see through that would involve many buckets of that stuff.
>>45889740
Well since Sohai and myself showed up early to the "Dost thou even something or the other" whatever initiation piss you lot wanted us to report for, we spent our respective evening down there. Long story short we cornered something that called itself the dread demon lord Sanguinator O'erkilis and beat the chaotic and evil alignments out of not just him but what was left. Turns out that in the process of us stomping the bastard Sohai broke free a genie that was trapped in a flask inside of this things chest. So the genie gave us three wishes of any sort. I got this armor, Sohai got his lover back and we're still mulling over the third wish.
>>45889837
Yes, I've heard of him... He's this weird Noble I met a few years back. Has the weirdest hobby involving capturing creatures of all kinds, before sticking his finger up it's ass. Uses a crystal ball to record it all too... So yeah, it's legitimate.
>>45889910
Huh... Well I'm not sure what you should use that wish on.
>>45890068
Well he's got a genie that is waiting around to grant whatever it is. We agreed that only he and I would have to reach an agreement before we use the last wish. So it'll probably be something mutually beneficial for us. The only rules attached are the usual things. You can't force something onto someone against their will, be specific with what you want or else you may come to regret your choice.
All I know is that I got what I actually desired and it was entirely consequence free. The knowledge and skill needed to reforge and craft the ancient alloys that made this suit of armor. Then conveniently we found the materials to make it just laying around down there and accidentally fell into that weird time rift down there. Honestly we were down there for a good six months before finding our way back out. In that time it let me forge this over the body of the dragon bone and scale I normally wear. So all in all it works out really nicely. I was thrilled to find out that in real time we were only gone the majority of that afternoon and evening though.
>>45890230
Weird... I didn't know half that stuff was done there. Maybe we should send you the initiates down there more often?
>>45890298
Oh yeah it was just a wild mess down there. My sword arm was getting as tired as my punching and grappling hand was.
Wait a minute... we're still talking about what to do with the goblin situation.
Sorry, got distracted. OKAY! So... I've got nothing. If we can't go near them, I say we figure out something else to preoccupy ourselves with. Didn't someone mention something about a passage to the under dark in the sewers? Maybe we can keep ourselves occupied with that.
Hmm...? I think I remember someone talking about that two weeks ago... But I thought it lead to one of the pits of Hell or something like that. Honestly I don't remember much, other than someone coming in and saying they'd spent some time figuring out why the sewers were clogged.
>>45890413
I think the portals went to Hell and the Sewers had a passage to the underdark.
>>45890500
Huh... Are you sure about that? Well whatever. maybe we should spend less time dealing with the goblin population. It might be nice to let the initiates deal with the perils of the Underdark for once. Who knows, maybe they'll learn something!
>>45890556
Yeah let the drow take care of 'em... Then there are all the boolets. Found a God damned herd of 50 of the bastards down there before, that'll be a good way to get shit handled. In fact, maybe we send the thieves and rangers down there to scout out good points of entry and to start building a reliable, one-way passage down there.
>>45890649
>Marth would think about this for a moment before answering.
That might very well be a good idea. If we can find the funds to do it.
>>45890766
Well there is a ton of treasure down there in the sub-basement levels and you could pester Sohai to have that genie help us out...
>>45890816
True enough... But we should see how the other members would feel about doing such a thing.
Maybe we should really consider advertising our meetings ahead of time...
>Appears in a poof of green
Sorry for being late, what's this meeting about?
>>45890993
Yeah. That'd be good.Maybe we should get a discord or skype convo going for people interested?
>>45891019
Goblins and other goblinoids are now on the protected species scrolls. We're figuring out how we're going to compensate for the sudden loss of basically half the guilds income.
>>45891029Prehaps, but I'd need t figure out how to use those XD. I've never really had reason to use those programs. maybe we shoudl set up a steam group?
Perhaps I will.
>>45891019
Oh the usual. Some problem is causing our budget to be cut down because of stupid inter-guild bullshit. Though this time it involves goblinoids.
>>45891119I like this plan.
>>45891063
Oh, then... perhaps we can offer protection services for people that are still afraid of goblins and golbinoids!
>>45891119Steam groups work well in my experience.
So it is the fault of other guilds?
>>45891163
Part of the decree going towards the protection of these goblinoids is that we are not to be within a certain vicinity, nor disrupting their living spaces...
>>45891223
>>45891163
We also can't kill them either... Mind you, all of this is on the threat of execution.
>>45891223
What if they approach us?
>>45891263
Who said anything about killing? I'm saying that we should rough up any goblins that should approach our clients.
Or just persuade them to go the other way.
>>45891263
>there is a poof of purple smoke
Hey marth , remember me
>>45891418
Oh dear gods, not you... I could handle 62% of our guild requests not being filled. I could also handle Nyle running off to GODS knows where... I could even handle the Wine cellar key having gone missing... But THIS! THIS, takes the cake!
>>45891418
Hello. This time it was [b]I[/b] who poofed in here before you!
>>45891538
Hey now listen, I'm not entirely bad, Physically maybe, but emotionally I am a very intelligent and wonderful master of all, "godlike person... Humble too
>>45891575
I see but I did it much more spectacularly. you see It was me behind the smoke, so it was automatically beter
Well I'm going to turn in early. The third floor has been very loud as of late but fortunately the pair responsible are nowhere to be found recently.
>>45891610
>>45891575
It doesn't matter HOW spectacular you people do it, it still gets annoying... Not to mention a few of us are allergic to whatever crap you put into your smoke.
>>45891579
Any whom... That's not the point. The point is that you seem to see something that isn't, and never will be, there.
Here's an idea, how about we switch to kobolds or summat? Also, how about using that last wish to get the goblins back up to strength?
>>45891690
I have some divination abilities so...
I can see your future and I am definitely there
>>45891690
And also that smoke is made with the ashes of the dead so it's all natural, should be healthy
>>45891723
>Marth would simply let out a loud sigh of exasperation
Yeah as a pain in my ass... So tell us the actual reason you're here? Surely it's not to help us with the current goblin crisis...
>>45891744
You wanna know what else is natural? Bears. And poison ivy. And sharks. And poison.
>>45891754
I could just infect them with a plague, but would that be fun. I could let loose the 100,000 undead rats I have stowed somewhere
>>45891780
I once made a half bear half shark with poisoned fangs and poison ivy whips. Terrible present for a prince in hindsight
>>45891780
>>45891829
What in the Nine hells is WRONG with you people...
>>45891882
Greed, lust, sloth , gluttony, pride envy... I could go on
>>45891829
. . .Yes, that is a terrible present.
>>45891882
Absolutely nothing? What did I say that came off as insane?
And if you heard some insane ramblings it was probably a mad god or something.
Maybe even the one who had that giant wooden phallus appear in the guild before.
>>45891916
So... You're here because you have nothing better to do?
>>45891956
>begrudgingly
the mages guild kicked me out permanently
>>45891944
I doubt it's that giant wooden phallus... We got rid of that two weeks back. Gave it to the fighters Guild across the Street. Should keep them from bothering us too much.
>>45891990
I never said it was because of the phallus, but it may be the machinations of the ones who were also the cause of the phallus.
Seriously though, that whole thing was entirely crazy.
>>45891986
Well that explains QUITE a lot...
>>45892060
Agreed...
>>45892106
It seems that letting 100,000 undead rats roam free is looked down upon
>>45892141
Noooooooo, really!?!
>>45892106
Seriously, are there any adventurers that are still alive and part of the guild that a mad god has a grudge against?
>>45892165
.... You'd need to be more specific. At least half of the Veterans have screwed a god over at some point in their lives...
>>45892159
I know, i couldn't believe it either. They said " you and your god damn rats have got to go, that's the 34th student they've mauled to death this week" it was really only 33
>>45892201
An eldritch god. One who may find it amusing to send us a destructive wooden phallus.
>>45892220
Maybe the rats killed one when you weren't looking.
>>45892220
This REALLY just makes me worry about my brother and sister over at the Mages' guild... ALso it just raises FURTHER QUESTIONS!
>>45892293
1st off you have a sister
2nd what kind of questions
>>45892332
How the heck can you get expelled from the mage's guild for minor rat attack, when the bastard who gave us several terrasques in our basement still is in the mage's guild?
>>45892729
He didn't kill any students
How does one into this?
