Hear ye, hear ye, I call to order another meeting of the Mage Guild. On the agenda for today: the Guild of Rangers, Woodsmen, and Frontiersmen has produced an interguild request, signed by five other guilds, that we change the name of the spell "Magic Missile." Their complaint is that "missile" is the genericized name for any projectile, such as arrows and bolts, used in spells like "Protection from Missiles," making the spell's name ambiguous, since it provides no protection against the spell Magic Missile.
Now, I'm old enough to remember when we still called it "Elminster's Quasi-Magical Semi-Violet Self-Defense Spheres Numbering Between One and Five," and you'll all remember that I violently opposed the name change to begin with. Thus, I am greatly in favor of the Rangers' proposition. Do we have any dissenters?
Magic Missile is an Iconic spellname and it would be far better to change Protection from missiles and its Ilk instead!
Frankly I feel the fact that you opposed the name change in the first place puts the motion under suspicion. How can anyone be sure you didn't "Suggest" the idea of this request to those poor gullible woodsmen?
>>45841366
I am also in favour, it would reduce the redundancy in my department as well! Though we're sort of using 'self defense sphere' as a generic term for any spells that use, well, spheres and are violent in nature. Suramakh's Slightly Scalding Self Sufficient Sphere of Succour, 'Fire Shield' in the parlance of the brute and the fighter, for example.
>>45841366
I suggest 'Mighty Magic Mages' Missile for Meetings with Malevolent Minions'
Then it can be easily noted down using only a zigzag. Much more convenient for record-keeping.
>>45841604
>>45841604
You seem to have misunderstood the reason the Ranger's Guild wants the name to change, friend. If the name still contains the word "Missile," we haven't fulfilled their request. Also, couldn't we write Magic Missile just as a smaller zigzag, even easier for record keeping?
Also, I second the motion to rename Protection from Missiles instead, perhaps to "Protection from Plebeian Projectiles" to accurately represent how much more sophisticated our magic is compared to their bows and slings.
>>45841366
Perheps ve call it Arcane Beams? It still carries ze same meanink.
>>45841879
That is not what it does, thought! It shoots missles! Made out of magic! Hence Magic Missile!
I propose Elminster's Efficacious Evocation of Energy. It honours the original creator and describes the spell in no uncertain terms.
>>45841969
You forget zhat people are not as learnt in vord as ve. Is too long, discourages newer mages and ozhers 'oo coult cast ze spell if zhey are not knowink.
>>45841969
Elminster was a hack. The man kept abysmal records of his studies, and I find it doubtful that a man with his head so far up his own arse would be able to dampen his ego enough to focus on pragmatic experimentation.
More likely on of his dozens of ill-fated apprentices did the hard work for him.
Regardless, I oppose this motion for the simple fact that this spell has been in use for nearly three centuries, and would require the updating of one thousand and seventy eight records, texts, and scrolls kept within my vaults.
>>45842050
Good. The less people try self-defense magic unsupervised and without proper knowledge, the better. I have nightmares about the times when we still called Faranhaugh's Flaming Pholgiston Fussilade a 'Fireball'.
>>45841366
What if we name it to 'magic Rangers, Woodsmen and Frontiersmen can fuck right off?' I really like this name.
>>45842225
Hah! We did rename "Protection from Missiles" to "Fuck All Rangers Forever" once. It didn't stand only because some of the more... virile apprentices were getting confused.
>>45842179
>Taps her chin.
Vell...'ou DO heff a goot point. Still I zhink zat our best efforts to simply relabel such a spell vould be more original zhan vhat ve heff come up vit so far.
>>45842051
>Gasps, covering her hand with her mouth.
I forget zhat so many still heff such stronk opinions.
>>45842260
May I also remind masters of the paperwork involved? The change took a week to be officially confirmed and setting things back two more days.
>>45842319
Original. Pfsh. Pardon me saying, but you sound like a sorcerer. BARD, even. Either or. I'm sure you agree that Charisma based casting is a blight to be excised, rather than something to be encouraged.
In any case, I motion for increasing the budget for Applied Evocation. The funds would go toward expanding the strategic pyromancy testing grounds to the west, roughly up to the Ranger's Guild woodland survival course.
"A spectral intent beneath these words is probable, O you of human strands. Vigilant yet dreaming, Night's abominations await."
>>45842684
Yes, yes is such a shame to not be able to zhink outside of ze box... Sorcerer I might be, fool I am not. Look to all of ze arcane knowledge built over time. Creative and exasperatink. Uff, I am not gettink into zis argument again...
>>45842915
So what you're saying is we should expand the strategic pyromancy testing grounds to include Ranger's Guild in its entirety, thus preventing any sinister intent. Give that... entity its intoxicant of choice in copious quantities! Truly an envoy after my own heart!
>>45842978
>>45842915
What would you like, honored ambassador?
Why not rename "Protection from Missiles" to "Protection from Non-Magic Missiles?"
>Sits quietly and keeps opinion to her self
>>45842978
"Contrariwise! Without malignity it strangely exudes a biological air, a chain star-fashioned."
>>45843096
"Our rituals addressed and respected, the brood of world's Night do desire. They are black cloud windows of arachnid dream and such verdant webs of fire!"
I-I'm t-terribly s-s-sorry to b-be barging in here, b-but h-has anyone seen my helmet?
The others s-seem t-to b-be afraid of m-me, wh-when I am not wearing it!
I-I still h-haven't been able t-to g-get rid of my st-stuttering problem I h-had in life!
I seem to have landed myself in a predicament with my studies, are there any higher ranking transmutation wizards that can change me back?
>>45843257
I-I c-could, b-but, y-you'd have t-to promise t-to help f-find my helmet!
I s-studied T-Transmutation a-and Conjuration wh-when I w-was still a-alive!
>>45843220
Check the apprentice boys' dorms, under the beds. And make sure to dump the contents and clean it.
>>45843257
Yes, there are.
>>45843322
I-I sh-should have known i-it was them! It w-was probably the s-same ones as well!
Wh-when I g-get my hands on them!
>>45843220
>>45843291
>>45843257
"The malady, beyond goodly comprehension, so silly and baffling. A slightning-like void of years to be historted..."
>>45843214
I would opt to allow your rituals as long as I have permission to view and study them!
>>45843257
Are you going to keep that dress?
>>45843291
I might something in chainmail, maybe...
>>45843257
Is fine! Just wear something more sensible. Lace catches fire too easily and you still have to attend your mandatory self defense magic class and seminar this semester.
>>45843373
Trust me, you don't want to be anywhere near monster rituals. Ine moment, you're taking a sip from an enchanted goblet, the next you're on a raft in the middle of the ocean and father to a horde of dracocentaurs that are pillaging the countryside
Don't ask
>>45843373
"Ah! Well-knowledge so deep; more than quench, in the abysms one may drown. Cryptic license to a spectator."
>>45843419
An understandable worry but I only wish to observe from afar.
>>45843458
I'll bring my mind floatys
>>45843521
"It will arrived warped! And muffled, an abstract calm in revisions of madness."
>>45843419
R-Rodgort, I do belive th-that Ivan w-was referring to being a g-girl.
It's a s-simple f-fix, I could d-do! I u-used to teach T-Transmutation, I d-don't teach a-anymore because the s-students wouldn't p-pay attention because of my st-stutter!
>>45843398
Th-thank you for the offer, f-friend, but I h-have punished the m-miscreants wh-who'd hidden my h-helm.
>>45843419
I have quite a few practical girls' clothes if she - he wants any. Most of them are a bit scorched, though...
>>45843556
What's wrong with being a girl, eh? I'll have you know I was a girl once! For years, even. Bleedin' nether scrolls. Should've known not to trust a cathayan knockoff. Anyway! Is not impeding her magic studies, is it? So is fine!
>>45843599
I-I suppose s-so, R-Rodgort. B-but it is I-van's d-decision, we should l-let Ivan d-decide.
PARDON ME BUT THIS MEETING WILL HAVE TO BE ADJOURNED! This hall has been reserved by the Alchemists and Apothecaries Consortium every Sunday at this time. None of you have filled out the proper paperwork for this hall.
You are welcome to reconvene here another day but you MUST fill out the proper paperwork and sign the necessary waivers to do so. Just because you all can wiggle your fingers and mutter some dead language does not mean you are above the system.
Now please collect your belongings and see yourself out or I will have to notify the city guard.
>>45843556
Some silly peasant has been runnink arround city, taking helmets. Saying he vill polish zhem. He has been breakink into ozher guilds and doink ze same fink. Ze Adventurers Guild was ze last place he was seen according to my monky man.
Perheps zhey vould be a goot place to begin ze search? Well, no. Nevermine-t zhat. Zhey are very cross vit zis Guild right now. Somethink about a barrage of curses and misfortunes? It is all still such blur. I am still adjustink to being alive again.
>>45843599
You have to be careful with transmutations. Friend of mine got pregnant as a female, and just before childbirth reverted back to a male. Poor guy bled out from where his dick used to be had it not been for the crushed baby corpse there
>>45843554
Is there a reason you speak in riddles and metaphors!? I'd love to study you rituals and speech patterns! Oh the understanding I could gain from it!
Also I'd like to apply for a licens to sell magical gear in town.
>>45843672
Well she turned herself into a girl. Considering how complex that process is, I'd say that's indicative of a choice being made. Still, is not my department, not my problem. Just don't come to the seminar in lace. Or with long hair. Is not regulation, merely practical.
>>45843678
Would you? Please please please! I have so many field trials to make and the range is booked until next year. Some fisticuffs would help a lot with that.
I like the name and I don't think we should let these Rangers (that's an outdoorsie sort of name, init?) and woodsmen and frontiersmen push us around!
>>45843695
>>45843699
>>45843724
Please take your conversation elsewhere
>>45843678
I must humbly apologize, but it is ill-fitting to speak of masters' occupation in such a disrespectful tone. Additionally, I must request to see the documents that state this place is reserved.
>>45843771
How dare you talk to a Grand Lizard like that. I should banish you to the plane of eternal banter for your ignorance.
>>45843752
Intentionally fighting the city guard will get this guild banned from any and all meeting halls in this city.
>>45843799
A grand lizard? you're not going to eat us, are you?
>
>>45843695
Ah, n-no, M-Madame Czarina, I had a-already f-found my h-helm, and p-punished the st-students wh-who'd taken it.
>>45843724
One o-of my old st-student's g-greatgrandchildren i-is in ch-charge of th-those. He's o-old now, but t-tell him G-Grandpa G-Gregor s-sent you, h-he'll make the p-process easier.
>>45843810
Perheps we are feelink a little frisky.
>>45843724
"Will tell: ritual poison. Deadened via radical phenomenon, now a half-tone mad mongrel of undying memory."
>>45843780
The register can be found on subfloor c in the archival hall. It is on display and has been so for 3 months. The standard wait period for room reservations
>>45843799
Master Lizard, I have been nothing but curteous in these matters. I take matters of protocol breach very seriously.
>>45843844
Everyone in AA is required to chemically geld themselves to focus upon our craft at a higher level.
>>45843838
>Claps her hands with a giggle.
Zis is good. Too much chaos zese days.
>>45843810
fuck da city guard yo.
>>45843875
...now I remember why I spent more time arount fighters ant adventurers...
>>45843885
I refuse to acknowledge your uncouth statements.
>>45843875
I shall make a few copies, if that is alright with you, sir.
>>45843940
you literally just acknowledged them though.
>>45843980
Please do so and escort the rest of these hooligans with you.
>>45844022
I am sorry, but I cannot abide. My masters are the only ones who may give me orders. And as you have not been registered to master status, thus I must warn you against speaking about my masters with such disrespect.
>>45843885
Y-young m-man, please r-refrain from encouraging c-civil unrest, o-or I w-will have to p-place you under a-arrest f-for doing s-so.
I-I d-do have the authority t-to do s-so, a-and have s-so for the p-past 662 years.
>>45844102
Uhhhhhhhhh COLOR SPRAY!
>Shines a flashlight on you with a prism at the end
>>45844022
"Limitations of science and Art: transient ways! A desperate read and round tale of aged things are but a breeze mangled by professors."
>>45844235
Y-Young man, I-I'm going t-to n-eed you t-to come w-with me, a-and put on th-these magical r-restraints.
>Restrains and transmutes into a statue.
C-could anyone s-send th-this to the st-statue room?
>>45844349
CURSES! My one weakness! Actual magi-
>>45844349
If you'll allow me, I shall carry it, respected member of our guild's guard.
>>45844442
Th-thank you, p-please take it t-to the statue r-room with th-the rest.
>>45844489
I will make but one detour to copy the documents stating we cannot be here.
>>45843838
I shall thank you! The guilds pay for research is rather low now a days is rather low and my research naturals are not the cheapest.
>>45843873
Even I am at a loss for the meaning of your words now
Thank you for your patience, I belive with that the final wizard has left. Let us now begin.
I Sebastian Hübenswaddle, Grand Vizier of the Alchemists and Apothecaries Consortium hereby call to order the 316th AA Meeting.
Today's topic will be one brought to us by the Guild of Rangers, Woodsmen, and Frontiersmen. They have requested that we change the name of the Poisonous plant Belladonna to something less friendly. The name sounds to much like a nice plump bar wench and they do not like it associated with death.
I for one am fond of its full scientific name, "Mortuus est planta valde valde sed non letali domina noctis facit herbam dilatata alumnos, sensum lumen oculorum tachycardia amisso pondere trahuntur capitis temeraria rutilant grauati sicco ore et gutture oratio urinae retentione constipation confusionem hallucinations delirium et dissipavi". The floor is now open to discussion
>>45844567
And I thought the Wizards taste in the naming of things was over complicated.
>>45844567
I-I knew a-a Belladonna once. A b-beautiful l-lass.
B-but, I h-have to d-disagree, all of th-the old r-records still have i-it written as th-the Belladonna.
out of ideas on who to play now
>>45844634
I do have to disagree. The original name was named by Miles Floden the Third, First Alchemist of the order of the Tongue. The groundbreaking team whose job it was to taste every plant and catalog the effects. He was the 9th First Alchemist that week and funfact the name was also his last words.
>Bursts through the floor, covered in a strange red powder. For some reason, he smells strongly of brimstone
AHEM! Gentlemen and...ladies? I've arrived, at long last, and I come bearing gifts!
As for your proposal on the subject of 'Magic Missile' and propose we change the name of it to 'Eldritch Blast'
>>45844563
"It lies beyond material whirling, a secret of overloaded imaginations."
>>45844804
Eldritch is a misfited word for the spell tho because it's fairly simple as far as spells go.
>>45844837
Regardless do I have your permition to spectate these rituals of yours?
>>45844804
G-good sir, I d-don't b-believe th-that would be a g-good idea. Th-the council of Warlocks w-would throw a f-fit over a ch-change such as th-that.
>>45841366
HOOOOLY SHIT
*Falls from the ceiling*
Remind me never to trust a group of sucubi offering eternal gratification again
....
Wait, the hell's going on now?
>>45844694Try Gicugh Rinora, Elder of the Waning Cycles.
>>45844804
Eldritch sounds a bit evil, don't you think? Doesn't it?
>>45844885
"We needs a things nauseating; know this! Things opposed to the terms of the day-mirrors."
>>45844910
You mean to tell me that the Warlocks have not become integrated with your Mages Guild society yet? Who is in charge here?
>>45844847
Then I shall offer you another name. I myself have been studying spell nomenclature for many centuries now and I would suggest any of the following:
"Bolts of the Magi"
"Elminster's Archaic Darts"
"Arcanist's Surprise"
"Violet Slayers"
or, perhaps, if these names are appropriate, you intelligent folk SURELY must be able to come up with a name.
>>45845101
Perhaps we need not change the name maybe the Rangers and woodsman should change the name of there projectiles if they are so bothered by it.
>bump
>>45845101
These seem more like confections to me, with sherbet...
>Pops in in a burst of smoke
What's happening faggots? did the rangers emasculate you guys yet?
>>45846258
I...I would rather enjoy an Arcanist's Surprise with sherbert.
>>45848763
Yeah! Sounds like just the thing for these meetings, a tasty sugary treat.
Best thing since my rings of inebriation.
>>45848763
>>45849854
Ah, I r-remember sh-sherbet. A-Arcanist's S-Surprise d-does sound q-quite tasty.
>>45849854
>>45850108
>>45846258
>Disappears, reappears with a plate of of pic related on a platter
See, a lot of people think that 'illegal magic' means that I summon demons and abominations, when in in reality, I just pirate my mana potions from those damned alchemists. Drinks?
>>45851151Damn you pictures!
>>45851183
Thanks! Don't mind if I do.
Aaaaaaah, that's good. I brought a few rings of feeling pleasantly full like after a large meal; do you want one?
bump
H A G A Y
A
G
A
Y
Yes hello im here for the "how to swing an axe" seminar,this is room 223 right?
>This whole thread
I can't bethe only one thinking about the UU.
>>45856496
Oi, boy, clean that damn thing! Its splashing bloddy blood everywhere!
>>45841366
HEY HEY HEY THE FLAY IS IN AND READY TO SLAY!
>>45859044
Doris, how's it hanging sweetie?
>>45856496
ARNIE! Love the axe, bro. Top notch. What's the enchantment on that baby? Or is she a collector? OLD SCHOOL! Aha, oh man, take it easy.
>>45845018
SMITHY! Mind if I call you Smiddy? It just rolls off the tongue better, kinda like 'Squiddy', amirite? You and me bro.
Hey, you wouldn't happen to have any of those rings of panty dropping, do you? The gnolls are seriously killing my game here and I gotta stay competitive. Maybe something in silver, with some emeralds or something.
>>45861593
>>45861652
F-Flayer Flay, I-I thought I h-had w-warned you to st-stay away from here f-for at l-least twenty more y-years?
>>45861652
Oi, you smell like fugging fish! take a fuggen bath, fuggen fishboy!
>>45861652
You mean those hentai tentacles aren't enough to get girls?
>>45843134
Protection from Mundane Missiles
>>45864568
But what about poisoned arrows? Those aren't mundane. And arrows made from gold or diamonds or shit.
why don't you magic wankers fix the bloody Protection spell so it repels Magic Missiles too?
...how does this name field work? bloody stupid magical computing devices...
>Teleports in
Damnit! This isn't the brothel!
>Teleports in with a cloud of purple smoke
I slept in can somebody explain what's happening.
>>45866167
>Pulls robe
Do you have candy.
>>45866284
You see? This is why we need some bowls of Arcanist's Surprise!
Ah... let's see... you want any homemade ultraliquorice? Not sure how long this has been in my pocket, though - lemme brush this stuff off it...
>bump
