You come into a 10 by 10 room.
In the center is an orc guarding a pie.
What do you do?
Ask that nigga for some pie
>>45812629
Depends on what kind of pie it is. Mince? Eh. Blueberry? Kill the orc and devour the pie in one sitting.
>>45812629
Oh god I wasn't ready for this kind of pressure! I'm hiding! (Rolls d20) 7! I add my, uhh , stealth skill? Hide? Move silently? I have no ranks in those, could I add my knowledge (dungeoneering)? I just, like, know where not to be seen in this room?
thank that orc for protecting my diabetic ass from the pie.
>>45812638
He yells at you in orcish.
Do you speak orcish?
>>45812643
Roll me a detect pie flavor check.
>>45812629
http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/212829
>>45812629
Smite and Cleavethe pies and share them whit the orc.
>>45812650
Fuck yeah I'm half-orc myself. For all I know this nigga could be my dad
>>45812696
He yells at you sayingthe pie is still too hot to eat at the moment. give it time to cool off
>>45812679
As you come near him with your weapon the orc sees you as a threat to himself and his pie.
He swings his +3 battle axe and decapitates youn garnishing his pie with your entrails he enjoys a hearty meal later.
>>45812731
What weapon?, Im a monk/paladin.
>>45812629
wait and see if he wants to share any
>>45812757
your hands are weapons then, he has no idea what some stranger is capable of.
>>45812629
Ask if "Gro'lak's house of Brutal Pastries" is open for business.
>>45812767
After waiting around for an hour for the pies to cool, the orc sees how patient you have been and offers you a slice of his gnome pie.
>>45812782
Nice. Fuck Gnomes - perhaps eating them will solve the infestation.
>>45812629
Shoot the Orc, take the pie.
Profit.
>>45812713"Alright buddy I'll sit tight. Hey, you wanna go out later and sac a caravan or something? Getting a littly antsy just sitting in this dungeon."
>>45812773
He nods and shows you his wares.
There are 4 pies on the table all labeled left to right as gnome, halfling, half elf and human.
There is also a tall pitcher of what seems to be milk and some cookies with eyeballs as chocolate chips.
>>45812799
The orc takes the blow in the chest and is enraged. He charges into you and beats you to death with his giant ham fist.
>>45812804
You both eat your pies together and have a nice talk about how he pillaged some village some 24 years ago and raped tons of the women. Funnily enough you yourself are 23.
You both run off into the woods with the orc slaughter weak pink manlings together and consume their flesh.
>>45812833
I tell him that i'll swing by later to buy some human pie. And i also note that eating cookies for breakfast can give him heartburn.The pies is made from humans/elves etc. aren't they?
>>45813027
He proudly nods his head and grunts his approval.
Returning to his baking he readies the oven for more pies.
Congratulations you got the pie!
I produce a pie from my sack and offer a trade.
>>45813054
The orc wants to try the pie before you trade.
Will you let him and what kind of pie is it?
>>45812629
I use my trusty letter-remover to remove the "e" from "pie".
>>45812629
Poke the ogre
>>45813071
The pi begins spewing pie shaped numbers at an extreme rate.
The room is filled soon and you are both crushed to death by deliciousness.
>>45813064
It's apricot.
I demand he take a bite of his own pie first so I know it isn't poison.
>>45812629
I offer to trade our elf for the pie. She's been nothing but trouble, and I suspect the pie has better nutritional value anyway.
>>45812629
I insta-cast a variety of power spells of power that shall suffice to kill him and all other potential sources of hostility in a one kilometre radius.
I capture his soul to later torture and devour for my own amusement.
I reanimate his body as a powerful and utterly loyal undead that I send on the task to destroy all his former friends and family to cut any attempt at retribution.
I take the pie and sell it and use the gold to buy more spells and spell components.
>>45813104
Ork duz not beleev in elfy majix frou frou shit, so nunna dat appenz.
Gratata.
>>45813084
I use my letter-remover again.
>The pi begins s_ewing pi shape_ number_ at an extreme rate.
>The room is filled soon and you are both c_ushed _________.
>>45813093
He is outraged by your accusation that a strong proud orc would stoop to poison to kill someone.
He roars at you to leave before he dismembers you and turns you into a pie.
>>45813095
Age weight and build?
>>45813104
Gruumsh One-Eye the orc god of conquest strength and survival looks down on one of his worshipers being cheated of a glorious death in combat by some magic wielding fop in a dress and is infuriated. He reaches down from the heavens and smashes you like the roach all magic users are.
>>45813168
I leave, but on the way out I leave a sign saying 'Adventurer's Pie Stop' on the door.
Now with all the business he's receiving he'll never be truly complete!
>>45813081
He rams is index finger into your eye socket.
>>45813039
yay.
>>45813095
Whatfor was that elf anyway?
Rolled 11 (1d20)
I roll to seduce the pie.
>>45812629
>You come into a 10 by 10 room.
10 by 10 what?
>>45813277
It is an inanimate object and has no feelings you fail. The orc thought you were trying to seduce him and you succeed. How do you proceed?
>>45813284
Lets go with yards
>>45813168
>Gruumsh One-Eye the orc god of conquest strength and survival looks down on one of his worshipers being cheated of a glorious death in combat by some magic wielding fop in a dress and is infuriated. He reaches down from the heavens and smashes you like the roach all magic users are.
This triggers (one of) my contingency, immediately sending my body, soul and equipment to my very own private plane and summoning to my corpse the most powerful spellcasters of the multiverse, all bitches that I previously fucked, to resurrect me without any loss of level or power. Then I pull my clout with the whole pantheons that are in my debts and the goddess of magic herself (that I fucked several time already) and the creator of the universe and the writer of my adventures, all to erase the very existence of this "Gruumsh" from all possible realities.
And that's all canonical.
>>45813168
Young for an elf, average for an elf, and elfy. It's not like you can tell with elves.
>>45813255
Finding the dungeon in the bloody woods. We found ogres, a goblin tribe with a pet troll, and a minotaur druid. She shot every one of those things to little discernible effect beyond pissing them off. She also keeps trying to seduce the cavalier. We're better off without a guide.
>>45813301
>and the creator of the universe
As the DM that is me.
I dismantle all your contingencies. You are stripped of your powers and sent to the plane of fire as punishment for trying to usurp a major pantheon and create more chaos in the astral sea.
>>45813168
He shakes his head at you pointing to the corner of the room where he has 4 dead elves hanging from chains by their ankles. He begins to eye your Drow companion and it seems he has never laid eyes on one before. He begins to lick his lips.
>>45812629
Tell the DM I have wondered in to the wrong campaign.
>>45813317
I send a formal complaint to the gaming police for "DM fiat against a spellcaster". Enjoy your knees while you still have some.
Before they arrive, I start a thread on /tg/. A "THAT dm" thread. About YOU ! And how you railroad your so called adventures and gets on GM power trip and refuse to acknowledge the input of the players and don't let them be empowered by their decisions and that's probably all your magical realm, and you're probably a cuck SJW fedora weeaboo /pol/ack jew hitler nigga elf-lover.
And I put my glass on the table just next to the coaster.
Rolled 17 (1d20)
>>45812629
"I've reached the edge of the cooking realm, have I?"
>On a positive response
"So be it."
I set up my temporary stove, prepare my ingredients, and proceed to out bake-him.
Rolling for dough consistency.
Rolled 7 + 4 (1d20 + 4)
>>45813397
>And I put my glass on the table just next to the coaster.
too far.
>>45813461
The orc readies his cooking tools and prepares for the final showdown.
also rolling for dough.
Rolled 8 (1d20)
>>45813300
I court him and take him on dates, we get married and 15 years later he comes home from work early and catches me having an affair with the pie.
I attempt to persuade him into a threesome.
>>45813574
He is heartbroken. Shaking his head at the unholy union of man and pie he begins to pack his things to leave.
Rolled 41 (1d50)
>>45813596
Come on baby, it don't mean no thing
