"You can't stop me! Once I use the [insert plot devise here] I will take control of both Heaven and Hell! Once I do, I will force all the Demons and Angels to become loving wives and husbands to mortals! NOBODY WILL EVER BE ALONE AGAIN!"
>>45763459
Um... Run by me again, why do we want to stop you?
>>45763459
But you're the only waifu for me. I don't want some holier-than-thou angel or a demon slut.
>>45763484
He seeks to overthrow Heaven!
>>45763543
Heaven is run by jerks.
But I don't really want some waifu that was gorced into it. Just not right.
>>45763644
No man, it's cool. Angels LITERALLY don't have free will. It's kind of a big deal.
>>45763459
You must hurry, heroes! I [insert former antagonist here] will tell you my former master's weak-spot, you must triumph for the disbenefit of all living creatures!
>>45763459
>I will force all the Demons and Angels to become loving wives and husbands to mortals!
Wait like a three-way marriage? Gee that will be fun being the fucking mortal that is completely outshone by either other partner in everything you try to do.
>>45763484
Have you ever gotten an extraplanar STD? We're talking you're shit either literally turning green and falling off or catching holy fire randomly, on a massive scale.
>>45763709
You get a choice.
>>45763746
Hmm ok I like that more but I'm still not completely signed off on this control of both Heaven and Hell thing. What's the difference between the Demons and Angels? Do they have vagina dentata, the girls in my village ain't the best lookers but they don't got no vagina dentata.
>>45763674
>angels
>one betrayed and attempted to overthrow his creator
>no free will
>>45763919
Yeah, that's one of the things that made me question the validity of the creation story.
>>45763459
>everyone will love each other
>Daemons might enjoy the gift of death too
>Slaanesh will stop trying to get Isha
>Magic STDs everywhere
Wonderful!
>>45763919
>Christianity
It's because instead of building the religion around the shit Jesus actually said, white people decided to add a bunch of retarded shit to it so that pagans can join in.
>>45764058
That and the fact that the Hebrew religion grew out of an older Semetic belief system.
>>45763998
It's all weird and full of holes. Angelic free will, god creating man and woman alike but then Adam is alone, etc.
>>45763919
Because God wanted him to, of course!
>>45764273
True, there is that version. Samael just doing his job as Satan (really just a title), although it doesn't work as well once he falls and gets renamed Lucifer as a reminder of his former glory. Really, did he just do his job too well and god forgot he was just playing a role?
>>45764437
Or God is just REALLY into roleplaying.
>>45763919
The fall of Lucifer is fairly untouched in the Bible, and no where does it say Angels don't have free will.
>>45764654
True, but I've found that to be a common answer to "If God had angels what did He need humsns for?"
Also >>45763674 claimed it was fine to reprogram them due to lack of free will.
As for things missing from the bible... yeah. There's a lot of that for some reason...
What if we WANT to be alone?
>>45763459
Yeah I know I just wanted to ask if I get to pick which one or are we like doing this by lot or what?
>>45765074
You get to pick one or the other. Or both.
>>45763459
That's... really kind of sad.
You're just lonely, aren't you Dark Lord? Only someone who was very lonely could think that forcing sapient beings to be romantic partners would be a good or long-term solution to anything.
Well, don't worry. The Bard and the gruff, badass loner Ranger will sit down with you over a nice cup of tea, and they'll explain how relationships work, and how sometimes it's okay to be alone.
>>45765226
You don't get one now. Also why would a want a relationship when I can have a Angel and demon harem and be the master of creation? The fuck is wrong with you?
>>45763459
Soo do I get to pick the race and sex of my partner? Cus if that's how it works, I'll just leave you to do your thing while I dig up a few magical items I need to use on myself.
>>45765435
Because no matter how many of your harem's holes you fill, you'll never fill the hole in your heart.
>>45765625
Why do you think I need to fill it? I can just accept it and fuck bitches. Or just rule creation. Or both.
>>45765716
Because you're still alone until you find someone who actually cares. The harem will be fun for ages I'm sure, but little by little the pleasures will grow hollow until the very idea of it brings depression.
>>45763459
You are upsetting a very delicate balance.
>>45763459
You can't force people love each other or you, fiend. Now die, you NEET fuck.
>>45767194
Surely his demise is not yet necessary, if he is attempting to reason with the party?
>>45767250
>the BBEG hasn't even hurt anyone. Heaven and Hell just fear loss of control.
>>45765716
But... but... I'm in love with you, BBEG-senpai!!!
>>45765435
Oh hey, Master of Creation I get. Totally reasonable goal, and we're gonna have to fight you to stop you doing that.
But come on Lord of Darkness. You brought up the harem for a reason buddy. Did... did somebody break your heart? It was Aneuleth'i, the Elvish Goddess of Healing, was it? I've heard she's a real heartbreaker, picking up aspiring young wizards and then dashing their hopes.
You'll get over it bud. I hear there's a Lich Queen just two catacombs over who's recently single. Maybe you could send her a summons?
>>45768049
Wut, no. I never even asked a girl out. Let alone a goddess. I just want to have ultimate power and help people out. Now fight these skellys while I do important stuff.
>>45763919
>>45764654
>>45764751
Abrahamic religions are a kitbash of regional folklore strongly influenced by exposure to Zoroastrianism to Hebrew priests during the Babylonian captivity.
Don't expect consistency. Think in terms of lyrical sense rather than literal sense.
>>45767535
>>45767250
>>45767194
Poor bastard. Forcing people to love you won't help you love yourself. The gaping wound in your heart still won't heal.
If you want to heal the world first heal yourself.
