I'm an adventurer. Well, kind of. I flunked out of college, so I got kicked out my parents' house. Taking bounties and doing odd jobs is the only way I can make a living, so that's what I've ended up doing for the past few months.
Speaking of bounties, I'm preparing for one now.
**WANTED**
Arthur "Rattler" McGinty
Wanted for
-Stamping crops
-Rattling bones at old people
-Being an all-around dick
*&200 REWARD*
Sounds like a real piece of work. I might need to make some preparations before I try to fight this guy.
>Head to the market
>Try and recruit some party members
>Spend the adventure budget on booze and whores
>Ask me a question
>Other
>>45557105
Whoops, forgot the image.
To the market we go.
>>45557105
>Take out sword
>Stab self in abdomen
>>45558754
>>45558752
I contemplate stabbing myself, but I need my abdomen, so I decide against it. I instead head towards the town market.
There are various stalls, each with ludicrously, amazingly average wares on display. There is a store for arms and armour, a potions dealer, and a pet shop.
>Armoury
>Potions
>Pets
>>45558835
>>Pets
>>45558835
>Get pet
>>45559001
>>45558981
"Why, hello there, friend. Care to look around?"
>Strike up a conversation
>Ask about stock
>Other
>>45559123
>Strike up a conversationIts Waifu time
>>45559434
I tell a pet-based joke and she gives a little chuckle.
Her name is Elizabeth, and from our conversation I gather that she has only opened the pet shop for a short time, maybe a few months. She's nice, but it's hard to tell if we're getting along or if she's just trying to make a sale.
I tell her the reason I'm looking for a pet, and she seems sympathetic to my cause.
"I wish you the best of luck, hon. I wish I could go with you."
>"You could tag along if you wanted."
>"Could I look at your pets?"
>"Has Rattler ever bothered you?"
>Other
>>45559648
>>"You could tag along if you wanted."
>>45559687
"That's mighty kind of you! I am going to need some compensation, I'll have to close my shop while we have this little shindig." I tell her that's fine, and promise her a non-specific portion of the reward for coming with me. "You're a real sweetheart. I can take one of my pets along too, if you'd like. No more than one, though. None of them really get along."
(Elizabeth is now a temporary party member! We should look for a reason for her to stay with us.)
I can take one pet with us.
>Take the slime
>Take the dog
>Take the snake
>Describe a pet
>>45559873
>Take the slime
>>45559873
>Take the slime
That thing is cute! Mascot get!
>>45559961
>>45559896
It's an easy choice.
"You'll love him, he's a real cutie pie."
("Slime" is now a temporary party member! We should look for a reason for him to stay with us.)
"D'y'wanna give him a name?"
>>45560030
we should call him Kevin
desu
>>45560094
"I'm going to call him Kevin."
Kevin seems delighted at being given a name. He sloshes around a little bit and I stroke him. I try not to look too grossed out as I wipe the goop off my hand and onto my leg.
Since we didn't pay for Kevin, we still have plenty of budget left before we go adventuring.
>Armoury
>Potions
>Try and recruit some more party members
>Booze and whores
>Other
>>45560193
>Try and recruit some more party members
>>45560251
I head over to the tavern, and loudly announce my intention to hunt and terminate "Rattler" McGinty. Three people approach me. One is a tall, brutish man, carrying a mace on his hip. The second is a slim figure, swathed in dark cloth. The third is a young man, with a long, worn staff strapped to his back.
>Approach the large man
>Approach the clothed figure
>Approach the young man
>>45560565
>Clothed figure.
I like a man with style.
>>45560640
I approach the concealed man.
"I presume I'm getting some reward for my service?"
His voice is oddly high-pitched.
Up close, I can see a small dagger in the folds of his clothing, and various bottles and contraptions strapped to his belt.
>Question him
>Cut to the chase
>>45560565
>Use money to buy as many whores as possible
>>45560893
question him
>>45560907
>>45561381
We can think about buying whores later, right now we're talking to someone.
What's your name?
"You can call me Dave."
Why do you want to join us?
"Easy money."
Why should we hire you?
"I know how to fight skeletons."
He has a look in his eyes that tells me he speaks the truth. He has the eyes of a man who hates skeletons.
I ask him more questions, but he becomes evasive. Seems this is all we get to know about him for now.
>Hire him
>Approach the large man
>Approach the young man
>>45561493
>Approacch the large man
assess our options
>>45561512
I approach the large man.
"Are we gonna go smash some fucking skellies or what?"
He's pretty muscular, and he appears to be shaking a little from excitement. I kind of want to tell him his hair looks stupid, but he would probably snap me in half.
>Question him
>Cut to the chase
>Other
>>45561764
tell him his hair looks stupid
>>45561784
Fuck it.
"Do you want to kill the skeleton to avenge your haircut?"
"What?"
"I'm asking if you're going to attack that skeleton as intensely as that woodland creature attacked your scalp."
"I get it. You think you can make fun of me by using big words? Guess what, chump, the mace is mightier than the pen!"
Oh Fuck.
>Duke it out
>Run like a little bitch
>Other
>>45561871
Dukes mc jukes, fight him out
>>45561871
Strength respects strength, let's show him we're worthy of working together.
>>45561871
>
Duke it the fuck out
Don't take shit from nobody, though we don't seem to be the strongest man around.
>>45562204
>>45562218
>>45562287
I draw my sword, as he pulls out his mace.
From his fighting stance, it doesn't seem like he wholly understands what he's doing. There's still a lot of muscle behind that mace though, so best approach this cautiously.
>Attack with sword
>Attack with tavern
>Call an assist
>Other
>>45562523
Attack with fisticuffs!
>>45562523
>defuse situation and take buffman to smash skellies
"You don't take shit from people, I like that. Let's go smash some skellies."
>>45562523
>tear off our shirt
for uh
'tactical advantage'
>>45562523
>attack with tavern
We really are a strong motherfucker then.
>>45562632
I think that means with like a table or some shit but hey that works too
>>45562632
>>45562723
use the entire building to attack him
>>45562723
>>45562758
We incredible hulk now
>>45562554
>>45562612
I rip off my shirt as dramatically as I can manage. I'm not as ripped as my adversary, but my figure is still impressive.
(Elizabeth catches a glance of your hot bod. Her respect has increased!)
(Your opponent acknowledges your gains. His respect has increased!)
>>45562903
I can move a little faster without my sword weighing me down, but I don't think punching this guy will do a whole lot.
>Attack a weak spot
>Attack with items from the tavern (we not incredible hulk now)
>Call an assist
>Other
>>45563010
punch him in his weird giant looking right eye
Barstool to the faceor anywhere really
>>45563010
>>45563079
>>45563147
Hit him in the eye with a barstool.
>>45563010
Kick him, fuck punching,
Bar stool flying kick cqc
>>45563079
>>45563147
>>45563183
I deck him in the eye with a perfectly aimed stool. He's taken aback by the attack, and drops his mace to nurse his eye.
"The fuck, bro? I need that to see!"
>Give him the old one-two
>Continue the tavern tactics
>Call an assist
>Other
>>45563400
Forgot image, oopsie.
>>45563400
Are you drawing this btw? Pretty fucking cool.
>Give him the old one-two.First person style, interesting.
>>45563400
Grab his mace, and use it in the ol' one-two slam
>>45563462
(I am indeed drawing this. I found my tablet recently, so I needed a way to practise.)
prove to him we are strong, punch him
ROUNDHOUSE KICK
FUCKING ROUNDHOUSE KICK
>>45563435
>>45563524
Roundhouse kick him, dislodging the stool. As it lands sit on the stool. Look like a badass.
>>45563524
>>45563570
I second these.
>>45563570
You, I like you.
>>45563570
>>45563524
I also second these
>>45563462
>>45563502
I kick the mace far from reach as I move in to attack. I pop off two quick blows to his gut, and it's clear that he's hurt. Those punches knocked the wind out of him, so he shouldn't be able to use all of that strength any more.
>Go for the KO
>Restrain him
>Diplomacy
>Other
>>45563645
There is no mercy, only roundhouse kicks
>>45563645
>Round house KICKKK
>>45563645
GIVE US THE AWESOME ROUND HOUSE KICK THING!
>>45563645
Kick to death.
>>45563645
Round house kick him into servitude!
>>45563672
>>45563684
>>45563679
>>45563687
This is quickly becoming "Kick master: the quest for the kicking kick belt of kicks."
>>45563687
I don't think we can afford to go to lazily drawn prison
>>45563736
Non-sesnse, we didn't buy anything yet
>>45563645
Go for the KOwith a ROUNDHOUSE KICK
>>45563736
The bars would probably be drawn so lazily that we could easily slip through.
>>45563803
Or we could ROUND HOUSE KICK THROUGH
>>45563672
>>45563679
>>45563684
>>45563687
>>45563723
>>45563736
>>45563783
>>45563838
The finest poets and the most prolific wordsmiths could never hope to encapsulate the essence of the kick I threw. Shaolin monks felt a disturbance in the martial arts, thousands of miles away.
I motherfucking roundhouse kicked that man's head into nothing. If my leg asked you, you would say that man's head never existed in the first place.
(You are roundhouse incarnate. Everyone in the tavern is in awe of your prowess.)
>>45563940
We may have overdone it slightly.
>>45563940
oh yeah the police exist
>>45563940
Jesus, I never would have imagined the roun house kick would go tihs far
He only wanted to help us and we round house kicked his head so hard they have to come up with a whole new afterlife just for his head to go to
>>45563977
Just a tiny bit...
Maybe, maybe if we do a REVERSE round house kick, we can round house kick his head back into his body. Is that how it works?
>>45563940
>>45564024
I second this.
The dude only wanted to help. We didnt think we could kill him!
>>45564024
At this point, there's no harm in trying.
>>45563940
Let's give this a go.
>>45564024
Let's try it. Nothing can go wrong.
>>45564024
I think that could work, though we'll probably have to go to the kick monks on kick mountain and get permission first or smth.
Voting this >>45564024
WE MUST GO DEEPER
>>45564024
Well we can't make it WORSE
And hey, if we try it we might get labeled not guilty by means of insanity.
>>45563993
>>45564024
Ah. I might actually go to jail for like, murdering that guy.
Using completely infallible logic, I realise I can roundhouse in the other direction to retcon reality itself. The victim is transformed from mulch to man in a matter of seconds.
>Offer a place on the party
>Pat him on the back
>Tell him to piss off
>Other
>>45564108
After that, he can come with us
>>45564108
>>Pat him on the back
>>Offer a place on the party
>>45564108
He is now our friend forever.
>>45564108
We just kicked this bastard's head off, he deserves a place in the party.
>>45564108
I vote to let him in the party, maybe pay him 1% more, since we kinda erased his head from existence then somehow reversed that. That must have been rough for him, we owe him that much.
We eviscerated his face, we are now brothers.
>>45564143
make sure its a roundhouse pat.
>>45564186
Whether he likes it or not
>>45564190
I think we've killed this poor man enough times for the day.
>>45564108
We owe this man, let him come with us.
>>45564108
We are the chosen one. He shall be our first disciple.
>>45564130
>>45564143
>>45564147
>>45564153
>>45564172
I use the last of my roundhouse power to fix my shirt. This roundhouse power I possess is too powerful mankind, so I silently vow to never use it again.
I approach the man and offer him a cut of the reward if he wants to go fight skellies.
"Sure, I love fighting things. My name's Ron, by the way. No hard feelings?"
No hard feelings.
(Ron has joined the party!)
That's all for now, folks. I had a great time with this, so I'll probably do it again next week. If I do, I'll tweet first.
https://twitter.com/Psychic_Flam
Thanks for the ride!
>>45564305
I won't lie the ending was pretty fucking funny. I approve QM.
>>45564305
holy shit we look so depressed but this is some good stuff OP, i'm looking forward to it
>>45564305
Awesome, really enjoyed this one hopefully I can make the next thread!
>>45564305
Good quest OP, looking forward to the next one!
Someone should probably archive this, by the way.
Thanks for the fun quest OP, that was a fun ride. I didn't think my round house suggestion would spiral out of control as much as it did..
