Hear ye, hear ye. I hereby call to order this meeting of the most illustrious Mages' Guild! Now I know everyone was very exited about our plans have the entire guild fly to the moon for a nice vacation from all the kings, queens, nobles and whatever they are who keep bothering our research but I have some bad news. It turns out we are lacking some important spell components needed to ensure the tower survives the trip, and we're completely broke after the new years party. So unless people come up with a good way to make the missing money it seems like the tower is grounded for the moment.
Now the Bueromancers claim that we might be able to free enough funds by making some easy budget cuts here and there have been some suggestions to cut some departments out of the guild including Beemancy, Hobomancy, Chainsawmancy and MUSCLE WIZARDRY. They also think that we can save money by merging some smaller departments into bigger departments, such as making Cryomancy part of the Hydromancy Department, doing away with Electromancy and making it part of Aeromancy again, Chaos Magic joining the Eldritch Department and reincorporating dark magic into the necromancy department for the first time since they split into two departments in the third age. And finally re-merging all sub-departments into their main branch, that means you sub-department of Ectomancy and sub-department of Weaponized Divination.Welcome to the Mages' Guild. Pick a name and join in! Conflicts are resolved with d20s when needed, or with playing it out. When the thread dies on /tg/, we keep it going on archive.4plebs For additional resources, please visit http://1d4chan.org/wiki/Mage%27s_guild
>>44818304
>Now the Bueromancers claim that we might be able to free enough funds by making some easy budget cuts here and there have been some suggestions to cut some departments out of the guild including Beemancy
If you want to cut out a necessary 1/5th of my total wizardry course there will be a crawly, slimy and stingy hell to pay.
Really? You want to try convincing the ectomancers to accept being merged into necromancy? You want to try convincing Necromancers to accept ectomancers?
Yeah, sure, what could possibly go wrong?
How about we fire some of the morons we have teaching in my department? They're idiots and I could find replacements...somewhere.
>>44818388
Veilhex, just force them to deal with it. Simple enough, threaten them if you have to.
>>44818304
You can't conjoin Aeromancy with Electromancy! They're completely different magics!
>>44818304
It's times like these that I really miss Yshna.
>>44818365
Dude, I would advise against that. Unless, of course, you want your entire department destroyed in a raging storm of cocaine fueled arcane power.
>>44818304
Here is the coffee, tea, and pastries everyone
>>44818474
Thank you Mortimer, need this
>Takes a cup of coffee and sips it
Good coffee.
>>44818448
I'd love to.
I also love not getting killed.
>>44818403
Can't you just get smarter versions of them from later in their lives?
>>44818474
Thank you Mort, I'll take some coffee,
>>44818450
Emilia, do you want to start that argument? Because I'm sure that's an argument that a lot of people would fight over.
>>44818452
I'm yet to find an issue in the guild I haven't solved with a letterbox full of combustion ants.
>>44818474
Ahhhh Morty my good sir you always know how to calm my immeasurable irritation.
>>44818524
Veilhex, Electromnacy is all evocation, Aeromancy has almost none! You can't mix both! You'd just be forcing 2 departments into not having enough space!
>>44818304
I, for one, welcome these department changes.
>>44818524
If you want the same phenomenons as that one time you stepped into my office? Sure, I can try to fuck with time travel again.
>>44818304
Can we NOT do another calender?
>>44818524
Here you go
>Gives him a cup
On an unrelated note, I finished organizing everyones paperwork in order of of most important to least important
>>44818474
Thanks Mortimer.
>Takes a coffee and a pastry and DIPS THE PASTRY IN THE COFFEE!
>>44818450
I'll try and make sure they're kept separate.
Wait, do you even take any classes in either of those?
>>44818549
Well, don't try it with Antruthius, he may be a coke addict, but he can easily take care of us all at once.
There's a reason he's the Archwizard.
>>44818568
Oh, calendars are good.
>>44818563
Right, forget I said anything.
Fuck THAT noise.
>>44818575
We have paperwork?
>>44818561
Lazarus, we have paperwork?
>>44818596
Fine, then you pose in them.
>>44818575
Thank you Mortimer.
>>44818600
Of course we do.
>>44818600
Everyone has paperwork Veilhex.
>>44818596
I don't need to, but I know enough to tell you its a bad idea!
>>44818600
Yes, I am not willing to undergo that again. Reality tearing itself apart was fun enough the first time around.
>>44818600
Veilhex, my position is very much that of a bleedin' janitor for my entire department, and even I have paperwork.
H-hello?
Is this where I can sell my excess fish?
>>44818664
>>44818623
>>44818627
Ok, but since when has the necromancy department actually done any paperwork?
>>44818671
If ya want to, though I'm not sure if it's a legal marketplace. How much?
>>44818568
As someone who was 'denied' for the last one I heartily support the idea of starting another.
>>44818575
I request all the paperwork I am able to legally own to be handed over for my inspection immediately!
>>44818613
I was planning to.
What kind of clothes do you think I should pose in? Bare minimum?
>>44818629
Huh, okay.
>>44818671
Yes. You want to visit the Magical Girls Department. Their Department Head loves fish.
>>44818690
I handle most paperwork for the guild
>>44818699
Its on your desk.
>>44818690
>Shrugs
I barely paid attantion to it when I first joined the guild, bunch of assholes. Nothing has really changed now that I'm back
>>44818694
7 Dinars for a pound of Razorback Flingcod.
A great deal I must say!
>>44818690
My job isn't just looking intimidating enough to make sure everyone doesn't kill each other permanently. There is paperworks involved.
>>44818717
And we are very thankful for that.
If we really want to start saving money, everyone an their mother has an infernal lawyer, and they're not cheap. It's time to start letting some people go.
>>44818717
Oh?
Then thank you.
>Sips coffee
>>44818732
Fair enough.
>>44818751
It's still a big part of your job, though.
>>44818756
My mother does not have infernal lawyer.
>>44818671
>>44818707
Did someone say fish?
>>44818717
Which desk would that be?
The one attended by the man-scorpion is for my junkmail as I've specified a few times now
So you're all a bunch of Wizards, yes?
Is there such a thing as a fishing wizard?
I dare say I'm quite good at what I do.
>>44818821
If there was, it's probably getting cut now.
>>44818817
Your actual desk of course. Wouldn't have my title if i didn't know which desk is which
>>44818756
Emilia, I do not do infernal politics. I have an Archdevil Ooze to do that for me.
>>44818814
Yes, that man there is selling fish.
>Points to Harivold >>44818821
>>44818735
Hmm, shit, don't have any dinars. Do you accept gold coins?
>>44818756
Just like I was saying, let off some of the teachers who aren't doing much with their position and causing more trouble than they're worth.
>>44818821
Maybe?
>Sips his coffee
Not really sure.
>>44818856
Thank you for the heads up.
>>44818821
Probably, but I haven't met one yet. Want me to sponsor your entry into the guild for you? It will cost you all the fish you have.
>>44818304
OBJECTION.
>Coughs
Sorry, I've been wanting to say that for some time. It does appear however that the Guild is able to utilize some very beneficial tax breaks because of its unique status as a profitable non-profit, and it's unfixed location.
>>44818821
Dependant on the kind of bait you use I would either support or condone your application...
>>44818848
Ofcourse you know I'm merely testing you as always pal.
>>44818896
Which means that such cuts may in fact be unnecessary.
>>44818786
I would like to see it as the biggest part of my position.
>>44818821
Check the hydromancers, they might have a sub-department for it.
>>44818896
It's about time one of you lawmagi arrived. What are our options?
>>44818844
Funding is no issue! Surely a fishing wizard such as myself could easily meet the budgeting demands of a fishing department sorely through profit made from fish!
>>44818814
7 Dinars for a pound of Razorback Flingcod.
25 for a whole fish, just makes sure to mind the spines!
>>44818859
Gold? Nasty rubbish but I'll take 10 per pound, 30 for a whole
>>44818896
Yeah, Spellbound, don't we have like a city or something we can tax now?
>>44818911
You're a Bug Wizard, yes?
Surely, through your contributions, we could eliminate the need to purchase bait for freshwater fishing entirely! Even more profit!
>>44818928
Fair enough.
>>44818938
We do have a city we can tax.
Assuming we're actually the governing body of it.
Come to think of it, why are Lazarus and I even involved? We've got a country we could tax to get over the money issue.
>>44818981
Don't ask bug mages to give up their bugs. They get angry.
>>44818934
Well, you also need the spell requirements as well to be considered an actual school.
>>44818938
We in fact do!
>>44819001
Because an entire army is gone, that's why.
>>44819004
And we're the owners of it...so legislation time?
>>44818928
Well, master Lazarus, we could call in several hundred debts the Guild has accrued over the ages, specifically those owned by Valmia and the Teribian Sea of Sand. I propose mining operations in Southern Terib to collect the rich gold deposits within.
>>44818938
I believe Spellbound is an independent city state. I'll conduct negotiations, however, to introduce taxation and representation to the city.
>>44818699
>>44818707
.... you know On second though maybe an all male calendar wouldn't be so bad
>>44818934
Here are a hundred dinars, give me my four whole fishes.
>>44818934
Deal, I'll take a whole.
>Gives him a bulging bag of gold
I need it for a dinner I have planned. Thank you.
>>44819039
No. we straight up own it.
>>44819067
Quin, can magical girls start getting involved in...extracurricular activity for extra credit?
>>44819026
Well, you wouldn't be. Not a Department Head, see?
>>44819051
Jill, you know you're allowed to take a peek at the real deal anytime.
>Glug winks
>>44819039
Actually, the Mages Guild does in fact own it. In conjunction with Vex.
>>44818981
*Ahem* While I hear your suggestion, I must....respectfully... decline it...
Perhaps teaching giant pondskimmers to assist in lakefishing is a venture I would consider however.
>>44819088
Bleh! Pass.
>>44819087
Truly? That is a deeply disconcerting thought and I'm sure highly illegal to some degree.
Taxing Spellbound it is! What about representatives from the city? Taxation without representation is immoral.
>>44819067
>>44819080
Mind the spines!
>tosses the bundles of fish and collects the dinars
>>44819004
Spell requirements? Rubbish! Surely the fact that my fishing prowess is so successful as to be magical in nature should suffice anyone.
>>44819026
You have a point.
We may also need a bit more money to clean up the department because of the aftermath of that revelation.
>>44819051
What calendar?
>>44819111
Of course Vex would get involved.
>>44819001
On that note I've been meaning to ask you about something. How good is Obsidia's evil glare?
>>44819039
Hold off on Valmia unless it's an emergency, but feel free to collect all we own from the Teribian Sea of Sand.
>>44819051
Excellent, I am already having a silk swimsuit prepared!
>>44819133
>Glug chuckles
Just messing with ya. I know how you are.
Tentacles only.
>>44819135
https://i.gyazo.com/44611e7b81d45a7388021dabda5b9a18.png
Here you go.
>>44819139
No, it isn't.
>>44819143
Well, it is near her town.
>>44819135
Easy, Taxation with their representation.
>>44819143
>>44819143
It's sale will help fund the guild. thank you for volunteering on behalf of the necromancy department Veilhex.
>>44819164
Great job Arnold, just be sure to run it by me first.
>>44819165
>Socks you in the arm
>>44819087
That depends, what kind of extracurricular activity did you have in mind?
>>44819139
Thanks for the tip.
>>44819150
Well, it's an uphill battle on account of, you know, only having half of what people normally work with on that front.
>>44819165
Fair enough.
>>44819204
Wait, what?
What am I involved in now?
>>44819204
Yer a bizarre one Jill. Just sayin'
>>44819230
Yes.
>>44819204
I'd be willing to female model if that's what it takes to keep Electro and Aeromancy seperate.
>enters the guild hall
I have retur......
Budget cuts? Again? If memory serves, I was here the last time we had budget cuts......well, at least the Science Department is somewhat free. Speaking of which, when did that rather large hole appear in my classroom....you know what, I don't really think I want to know.
What of import has happened while I have been on my sabbatical? Apart from this exciting New Years Moon Trip.
>>44819204
>Rubs his arm and grins in a cheeky manner
So, who are you looking forward to seeing in the calendar?
>>44819283
Well, Necromancy Department went to war and now owns a country.
>>44819204
What are your thoughts on the amount of male arse-cleavege that is 'safe'.
This one is important as I'd have a few workers to contact immediately...
>>44819150
Of course. Raising the ire of Cromina would be..unwise.
Of course we could always replicate the Great Baker Sale of 557:3A....
>>44819165
I see. An interesting precedent indeed. Though future implications could be...worrisome.
>>44819176
Pardon?
>>44819338
we tax them more if they want representation, I mean, it costs money to keep up with the guild since we move so much.
>>44819320
I have opened Lok's Box, but there was no hope in it.
>>44819269
Eh? That wasn't a yes or no question. Unless you give me specifics I'm going to say the answer is a big, fat, no.
>>44819338
No, there is nothing worrisome. Stop being pessimistic.
>>44819384
Really? What was inside? Hundreds of masked pranksters that were released upon the world?
>>44819412
well, we could replace the dwarf janitors. fire some assistants. Have a mount wash sail, ect.
>>44819413
No, one horny Fishman.
>>44819242
The guild's all male sexy calendar. Pay attention now.
>>44819262
Shhh. shh shh.
>Puts a finger to your lips
Don't worry, we have a spot for you too mr.January.
>>44819320
Ehhh I dunno.
>>44819330
Not safe for work.
>>44819269
All male this time around.
>>44819370
Was that not the most successful aspect of the Great Sale?
>>44819384
That's...that's how revolutions begin.
>>44819413
Glug, a Guild is in charge of a city state. Ponder the legal precedent. If not us the less..."wise" Fighters. Or the mercurial Thieves. Or the Night Hunters, Artificer's, the Guild of Cloth.
It's an interesting if not terrifying prospect.
>>44819242
From what I've seen that usually helps rather than being a hindrance. See if you can't help her out on that front, it's more or less a survival skill at our department.
>>44819338
Only if we can ensure that the vampires don't add blood to their pastries... again.
>>44819320
>>44819283
It's a very beautiful country when it's not a blasted hellscape because of the guys who were in charge before us.
>>44819498
Right.
>>44819481
And now I'm on it or something?
>>44819481
Thank Io my brother has abandoned this tower. That was his favorite time of year...
>>44819460
Did somebody say fish?
Surely a qualified fishing wizard, and by extension fish wizard, such as myself should handle all fish related matters.
>>44819481
Are you sick or something? I remember hearing about that. Told the representative of a country to strip for you.
>>44819460
>Just stares at her
How about we just do a bake sale.
>>44819460
Hmm... probably going to go with no in general, with possible individual exceptions.
>>44819320
What? A whole country?.....
>Hearsch pulls out a battered pocket watch and flips it open. He gazes into the insides for a few secodns before sighing and returning it to his coat
>mumbles under his breath
we have time before that.....
AHEM
Now, budget problems. Doesn't Dominaria owe us for ending that extremely childish war those idiotic brothers started? I swear, sinling rivalry...Anyway, we could call in a few favors there. I'm sure they'd be happy to help us after all these years.
>>44819481
My dear, most of us are a little *ahem* past our prime to be doing THOSE types of calenders. Again.
>>44819536
Wasn't the last bake sale the active cause of the last outbreak of Vampirism?
>>44819506
You are now, yes.
>>44819507
He has? well you can take his place I guess. And no, you don't get a say in it.
>>44819536
Sick? No. I just wait to avoid the witchcraft department breaking up.
>>44819536
Some people are still recovering from the last one...not again...we can't do it again. Not this age.
>>44819540
>sighs
You don't want science hindered by budget do you?
>>44819485
Oh no, people taking over the guild, they'll rule the world, how could they be stopped?
>>44819481
That gives me an idea...
>>44819481
I'll accept but I won't be nearly as happy.
>>44819536
I am content to help with a bakesale, but the swimwear will remain.
>>44819460
. . .What's this Lok's Box that you speak of?
>>44819481
Well, I'll try posing with some tentacle oozes. What do you think?
>>44819485
Glaive, it sounds like you don't trust us.
>>44819506
So I've heard.
>>44819508
I am a sea-elf, they refer to me as fish-face and such when they feel like it.
>>44819584
Dominaria got wiped off the map several hundred years ago.
>>44819584
Perhaps...Magic Multiverse presence in Aen now canon. REV UP THOSE GUILD PACTS b0ss
>>44819584
Hearsch, Don't worry about it. We got illusionshop experts to take care of that. and besides, the poor saps who buy this stuff are more attracted to the power you wield.
>>44819608
Oh?
>>44819623
No, you'll steal July's thunder.
I greet you, the living ones. My sweet grave, along with the other ones, has just been destroyed. I don't care who is guilty in this pity accident, but I demand apologies and 2000 gold coins for restoration. In case you won't fulfill my request, await another zombie invasion in no time
*Walkes away shutting the door*
...I hate all of you.
>>44819584
Then we make sure it doesn't happen again. Simple.
>>44819597
>Sighs
Guess I'll have to deage myself for it then
>>44819613
Fine, I can't really stop you.
>>44819660
Fucking necromancers.
>>44819608
Emilia, Science hasn't been hindered by budget since...since....hell, since I can remember! It's always been a rule that the Head of the Science Department - currently myself - add in funds so that the Science Department runs relatively autonomously.
>>44819623
Really? Let me see....
>Hearsch pulls out his pocket watch and stares into it again
i may have not carried the 1....
>>44819660
Do you think he'd settle for fish instead?
>>44819660
Racist piece of shit.... Who walks around in Z-face anymore?
>>44819673
That's the spirit!
>>44819597
Vex isn't involved, right? I'm not going to get shoved in a dress?
>>44819623
You can come see it some time if you want.
>>44819660
He knows that's not actually a threat, right?
>>44819666
What for?
>>44819673
Don't blame us, we've got a new source of corpses in the form of Tenebrus. Don't need to grab them from graveyards anymore.
>>44819666
And I have no idea who you are. Don't really know why you hate me though. I'm just an old chronomancer
>>44819608
I'll have you know my budget is doing fine. What I don't want is another great janitorial uprising. I might not know much about guild history, but I've read enough about the last one to know it was a mess in more ways than one.
>>44819674
SCIENCE!
>>44819642
>>44819623
So hear me out, a lot of deparments have similar focuses and requirements. So instead of cutting or merging departments, how about we remove alike redundancies. Like, the ritual department and summoning department can put together, Electromancy and Pyromancy can be merged because they're evocation....
>>44819666
Put Ectomancy back into Necromancy.
>>44819666
An Ectomancer I presume?
So in theory, could you catch Ghost Fish?
>>44819666
I know, and it pleases me to hear you say that.
>>44819642
Who'd be July?
I wanna steal their thunder.
>>44819660
. . .Go ahead, not like we have a Necromancy Department or anything.
>>44819700
Sure.
>>44819715
Emilia, Ectomancers don't even use necrotic or negative energy. At least most don't.
Also, what did you mean earlier?
>>44819597
Dramorn...he felt he was viewed as War, and not Dramorn. He became a political pawn in that conflict, and that image remained when he returned....so he left, to return to investigative matters.
Also What?!
>>44819608
That's not my concern. My concern is equality and proper legal representation from our constituents.
>>44819623
There was an alternate timeline in which the Guild ruled the world, was there not? Conspierre judged my brother on the fall of Dramorn Arkenbane, why should I not do the same for a night unstoppable Guild?
Glug, I'm simply concerned about the precedent for those long after our time. I trust the guild as much as it trusts me.
>>44819700
Hmph, I just don't want to deal with the idiot. He wasn't even undead, just pasty.
>>44819700
Please Vielhex, this is for the pleasure of all women and some men, ot Vex. you worry to much.
>>44819715
Hissssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss
>>44819756
I have not decided yet by they will be getting violated by consentacales.
>>44819771
I don't care about that stuff glaive. also give me your best sissy face.
>>44819700
Let's see, not having a separate department was bad enough, now we don't even have a sub-department! So yeah, I have to deal with the necromancy department in addition to my own.
>>44819707
Yeah, you have your own type of magic, so you have your own department. You know, like it's supposed to work.
>>44819715
Thanks, I heard already. I'm [i]totally[/i] fine with that.
>>44819729
Oh sure, just let me rustle up my ghost fishing rod. I could, but why would I?
>>44819755
You're a smug ass. Just because the sub-department isn't around doesn't mean you're right. I'm not a necromancer.
Hello folks, just dropping off a fresh batch of Helltongue Screamwine and Dire Hornet mead to my favorite guild of mystical calamities.
>>44819536
Oh, Jeremiah, you're here.
Could you, at your earliest next convenience, swing by my garden about two weeks ago? There's a poor fellow stuck in a non-mobius-chronoloop saying "hi" to one of my scareskelecrows, and he's got the robes of a student from this guild. In anticipatory thanks, I've left a decanter of "Old Drider" in the ruins of Hellheim, future 527.
You bath robed freaks treat us like trash and never even attempt to clean after yourselves! Last week two abominations went on a rampage and we had to clean apprentices off the goddamn ceiling. Two days ago the alchemists invented an ooze that stuck onto everything and couldn't removed and yesterday the pyromancers torched their research labs and drew diagrams in their bed sheets!
No more, i say! Either you start paying us better, treating us with respect and get us magical aides we will go on a strike!
>>44819693
I'm wondering how he managed to close the doors without arms....
>>44819673
Alright, I'll get the students to monitor all ingredients in the next bake sale - if we have one - using some of the gear in Lab 09.
>>44819666
Yes, I definitely did something wrong in my time dilation calculus if this is the reality where Levi hates everyone.
>>44819771
Guild ruled the world....Let me think.....rings a bell.....
>>44819642
Well, the Guild was set on hard times last time we did a calender....but that was a very long time ago, even with the illusionshop experts can we really pull it off again? I supoose we could, since all those who remember the last one have been dead and buried for at least a thousand years....obviously except >>44819660
>>44819829
I say! You must wear a nametag here, sir.
>>44819771
Make your concern making cut, or you're going to be put on the chopping block.
>>44819756
No, they don't but they use many of the things that the Necromancers use, so they can share. And focus on the budget!
>>44819819
Or shove the pinball witches into the tower.
>>44819829
Sir, you forgot your name tag.
>>44819829
Also i am Thompson, my name was omitted because of you bath robed freaks using your magic to remove my name from existence for about five minutes!
>>44819778
Yeah. But you sounded like you were blaming us.
>>44819821
Like we wanted you guys to get stuffed in with use anyway.
>>44819819
I'm not sure if that implies I'm getting stuffed in a dress or not.
>>44819860
But Science prevailed and you got your name back!
>>44819821
If you think I'm smug now, imagine how smug I'll be once the merger is official.
>>44819829
>>44819860
I'm willing to personally fund a 3.1% rise for any of you who has to work in my department
>>44819822
Selevyn, I don't fuck with time travel. Stuff literally makes reality tear around me, just sent back a younger version of myself back to his time a week or two ago. I'll look into it though. Just no time travel.
>>44819855
Thank you, makes my life easier.
>>44819870
No, if there's a zombie invasion, then that guy was a necromancer, just not one of yours. If there isn't, he's just a remarkably shitty necromancer.
>>44819771
Fine, be suspicious.
>>44819819
Hm, can I be July?
>>44819857
I don't really need to. My Department receives it's funds from Lurco's group.
>>44819829
Or what? you'll union again?
>>44819855
what? we sold ones last year. I mean I know I bought all of them so that no one could see me in them but we still made them.
>>44819857
>Hissing intensifys
>>44819870
That's why it's a mystery.
>>44819914
No.
>>44819855
I hate everyone in any timeline where ectomancy and necromancy are treated as one single school.
>>44819870
I swear, it's like this is a conspiracy against me. Neither party wanted this, and it's not like we have so much funding anyway.
>>44819901
All hail Lazarus, throne candy of Tenebrus and smuggest bastard alive or dead.
>>44819914
You know what?
>>44819920
I don't even care anymore. I personally buy all my things and even give to the guild. Let you guys figure it out.
>>44819876
Ah, Mr. Science Wizard!
I recall an event several months ago.
A Ms. Sakamoto of your field of research, well, you see...
The thing is...
She blinded me with science.
It was quite bothersome for a time. Fortunately the effects weren't permanent. All the same you should keep better track of your students.
>>44819819
W-what?! N-no.
>>44819855
It was quite some time ago.
We cleansed it.
>>44819857
I believe we have created ample options for monetary income.
So leave the individuals who can actually handle money to do so.
>>44819910
Not saying you have to travel, man. Just... Get him unstuck. I would, but Chronomancy isn't exactly a strong suit of mine, even if I did spend about two compressed millennia studying it.
>>44819901
At least one of you has a head on their shoulders....even though it seems to be stitched on.
>>44819920
Or i summon a T-Rex, who have been proven to be partially immune to most conventional magics, into your office!
>>44819920
I'm going to hate the direction this goes in no matter what, aren't I?
>>44819910
Fair enough.
>>44819939
It's not a conspiracy against you in specific.
Just us in general.
>>44819920
Aw...
>>44819940
What?
>>44819955
yes.
>>44819971
..................You have my support...... Can you summon one anyway? I always want to ride a T-rex....
>>44819981
Most likly, yes.
>>44819986
Suck it up nerd.
>>44819821
Yes, but my department is full of morons and I'm their janitor.
>>44819959
Alright, alright. I'll take care of it. I want two bottles of Drider, I have to take a day off for it.
>>44819920
Male calenders, my dear, Male calenders. At least....the one I was in was a thousand years ago....
>>44819943
I'm surprised she didn't do something to blow herself up! That's the usual fate of most of ym students; they pour one thing into an alembic they shouldn't, or they waft one too many vapors. Or when Charlie theorized and then proceeded to the practical of placing a quantum harmonizer in a photonic resonation chamber. THAT was bad.
And don't get me started on Herbert West.....
>>44819939
All true, if they were meant to be insults then you would have to try harder.
>>44819971
Apologize for the stitched on comment and I'll make it a 3.2% raise. I haven't had a head that had to be stitched on for ages.
>>44820003
Just don't make a mess with it.
>>44820009
Two it is. I'll drop them off tomorrow, after I swing Lupa's place to drop off some Aboleth's Brandy.
>>44819986
>walks off grumbling she's being ignored like some Nycomancer
>>44820047
Alright. How have you been, haven't seen you in quite some time. I dropped out of the guild a while ago, only recently took up the position of supervisor/janitor
>>44820044
Sorry for the stitched head comment.
>>44820039
I see. uhh my bad.
>>44820046
I make no promises.
>>44820003
You're a nerd!
>>44820054
Wait! Emilia! Come on. Don't be like this!
>Chases after her
>>44820003
Shit.
>>44820047
Selevyn, have you had time to visit Tenebrus yet? Our floral situation is TERRIBLE there right now.
>>44820082
3.2% it is then.
>>44820101
What? What's the problem?
>>44819914
That answers that question...
>>44820003
NO. I am a scholar and enactor of law.
Not a prostitute!
>>44819981
Yeah, sure, and yet I'm the one who's been trying to get the opposite done for a few months now.
>>44820009
...Necromancers. Their own department head hates most of them.
>>44820044
Including the one about your parentage? That's good to know.
>>44820098
>Sticks her tongue out
>>44820101
huehuehuehue
>>44820133
Relax, I won't whore you out.
>>44820131
Ah yes. Tenebrus. How is the ecology of that place? I know that side of the world is full of dragonkin and psuedodragons, I am curious if the rumours of vampiric dragon lords are correct.
There is like 20 zombies crushing the toilets and shouting «Revenge!». Can you please do something? They made such a mess there
>>44820172
You are literally asking for me to expose myself. Dramorn may find such foolishness amusing but I do not.
I am a man of the cloth, Jill. I must remain pure.
>>44820079
Eh, can't complain. Been trying to keep dread Godzilla from waking again, even though his last time awake ended with minimal casualties.
Other than that, finally got the Paladins of Mothra to stop trying to smite me on sight, which is a huge plus. Had to bag'o'wights a sorcerer, though. He tried to burn my sacred tree. His party didn't seem too upset, claimed he was always doing stupid stuff just 'cuz.
You?
>>44820179
NO! THEY ARE FLOODING THE BATHROOMS! SUMMON THE RAPTORS!!! CONJURE THE T-REXES!!! ENCHANT THE DILOSAURS!!
>>44820212
Goddamn wizards screwing around with my nametag again! Who keeps doing that!?
>>44820131
It means this is going to be terrifyingly embarrassing.
>>44820172
>Glare
>>44820167
>Shrug
>>44820204
Too bad~
>Lurco walks into the meeting room
>>44820172
Hello Jill.
>>44820204
Glaive.
>>44820240
Veilhex, how is the meeting going? Is the main topic settled?
Well, things are getting a little too heated up for me.
I've made my money and now I'm heading back home. I'll be hired yet! You'll all see the benefits of a resident fishing wizard!
>>44820236
>Tries to grab his name tag again.
...
I'm not apologizing.
>>44820240
Why aren't you wearing a dress yet?
>>44820131
Not going back there, Laz. Bastards swiped those plants from the cursed Isle of Honshu, even after I warned them that the radiation had some serious effects on the growth rate, and nutritional needs of Kudzu.
So now they can deal with the Dire Kudzu on their own.
>>44820167
Well, wouldn't you want to know. Maybe one day you'll be able to find out.
>>44820175
Well, all the forests were removed on account of superstitious and paranoid vampires. The main food source is a plant known as sandroot, tasting it is not recommended.
>>44820179
>sighs
I'll send someone to take care of it.
>>44820263
hello.
>>44820265
Syth!
>Hug
>>44820263
It's going.
>>44820265
Because you aren't Vex and you can't make me!
>>44820211
Found an apprentice, a young version of myself came in from the past and reality trying to make sense of us nearly ripped itself apart. Been dealing with some stuff from my past that got drudged up.
>>44820263
Lurco?
>>44820260
>Folds his arms
N-no.
>>44820297
Truly?
And the fauna?
>>44820240
I see...
>>44820273
>facepalms
Great...
>>44820346
Glaive trust me, I know exactly how you feel. But you're not getting out of this.
>>44820273
Oh yeah, you were quite vocal about that. I concurred, but it didn't matter to them. I wouldn't mind getting a deceased Dire Kudzu to see how radiation affects a creatures metabolic....but I digress.
>>44820264
I wish you well, just do not take the contract to go fish near the Isle of Dread. Trust me.
>>44820338
Time Travel is quite a problem to the unlearned.
>>44820204
When have you ever been a man of the cloth? Oh, I remember the types of things you used to get into....
Rolled 15 (1d20)
>>44820265
RAPTORS!!! Just make sure you don't bleed all over the place.
>>44820179
Alert the others, the bathrooms are about to be filled with gore and sewage.
>>44820316
ACK! I'M BEING OPPRESSED!
>>44820319
Try it bitch! I'll razzlemafazzle you!
>>44820349
>>44820377
HELP, HELP! Come see the violence inherent in the system!
>>44820265
Hey Syth.
>>44820316
Aw, I don't get a hug? I come back from a battle and nothing?
Is it the armor? I bet it's the armor.
>>44820319
Ah, what's the topic?
>>44820346
Yes. Do not mind the attire, it is for my role in another world.
A role the other Lurco uncharismatically dumped on me.
>>44820338
Good to hear.
>>44820349
Like I said. I warned them. Hells, the only reason I cultivated that hellish plant in the first place was to deal with anyone who was actually stupid enough to actually GO to Honshu. Better a swift death at the hands of a bloodthirsty murdervine than a slow death from radiation poisoning and cancer.
>>44820349
W-what?
>>44820385
What even is that?
>>44820390
Budget cuts.
>>44820385
>Gives Syth a noogie
Mwahahahahahaha
>>44820390
well it does make you look like a huge dork, sorry.
>>44820346
Very elusive.
>>44820385
I've been declared the very definition of lawful evil. You are on your own.
>>44820422
Noted...
>>44820446
The lack of relevant reaction? Or the facepalm?
>>44820390
Yeaaaah. Gimme your lunch money!
>>44820446
Show you the old ring-a-ding. Give em the one-two! I'll boondoggle you!
>>44820451
You'll pay for this! I'll see to it that you're first against the wall when the robots take over!
>>44820422
Hey. Do you have any drugs?
>>44820525
Your mom's the definition of chaotic good in bed. OOOOOH!
>>44820549
That was a low blow, Syth!
>>44820549
In a bad way or up against the wall in a fun way?
>>44820581
AHAHAHAH! THAT'S WHAT HIS MOM DID!
Do you think that would work better if I was a dude? Will research.
>>44820549
Your insults fall flat considering how long my mother has been dead, is there no one who can come up with a viable insult these days?
>>44820525
Both.
>>44820549
Is that even language?
>>44820446
For the guild? Do you all not have enough money?
>>44820451
Hm, well then.
>The armor magically replaces itself with the outfit in the pic
>>44820549
Sorry, I only pay after services are carried out.
>>44820645
A slutty dork.
>>44820582
I don't know if the robots are going to be fun loving guys with anal probes or hateful death bots.
With anal probes.
>>44820626
Kay. Your grumpiness is belied by your close relationship with your family, which can always be turned into a lever against you. Though you have your colleagues fear, it's much harder to get their respect and despite your best efforts you'll never be able to shake the stigma of necromancy.
Can I go back to yelling now?
>>44820639
Maybe, but you'll be left speechless after I'm done.
>>44820645
Booo! Put the mask back on!
>>44820676
LAME! then why even make them?
>>44820676
What? Robots? What are you doing messing around with robots for?
>>44820371
Yes, I've found that time travel is never worth the issues that come along with it
>>44820549
Sorry, you'd have to swing by my grove for anything like that. I'd rather people try what I grow where I can see them, and can administer aid if they have "bad trips."
>>44820686
>>44820691
I will answer both questions with three words!
Anal probes!
No wait, that's two words.
...
Big anal probes.
>>44820645
I dunno. Guess the guild burns through a LOT of money.
>>44820676
I... don't even know how to respond to that.
>>44820713
.......Syth, I think you should lay down.
>>44820639
Don't worry about it, it's better that way.
>>44820676
Not completely correct, but closer. Feel free to return to your yelling.
>>44820709
Oh, I'll swing by your grove all right.
Was that innuendo? Can't tell. The whole expressionless face makes it hard.
Hehehhehheh.
>>44820728
See? It's working already. Now start trapping!
>>44820742
I think you should get laid. But neither one is likely to happen, now is it? Oh wait, mine is. Slut.
>>44820751
Thanks. LAZARUS IS A BANDAGE HEAD!
>>44820701
Not without the proper equipment....
>Hearsch's hands drift to his waistcoat where his pocket watch is.
>>44820728
But HOW is the Guild burning lots of money? Unless you all burnt it for the New Years party....
>>44820713
I'd warn you against modifications to robots, but it seems you're adamant about trying to build them....
Just don;t say I didn't warn you; Robotics is a dangerous game. Take it from me, I've....dabbled with robotic at one stage or another.
>>44820779
QQ Syth pleas no bully.
>>44820751
>Sigh
And now I'm gonna worry even more.
>>44820779
What? I... what?
>>44820787
I don't know.
I try to stay out of the affairs of other departments.
>>44820657
Fine.
>Takes out a device with a lot of buttons and his outfit changes
>>44820676
Oh hush now.
How have you been? Meet anyone cute lately?
>>44820728
Huh, that sucks.
Rolled 2 (1d20)
>>44820787
Hahahahah. You fucked robots. That's super gay. Wait, were they lady robots?
Still pretty gay.
>>44820807
>Pokes Jill in the butt.
>>44820808
YOU CANNOT COMPREHEND ME!
>>44820829
Do you have a mom? Because if so, your mom. If not, your maternal figure.
What I'm going for is I fucked your mom.
Rolled 10 (1d20)
>>44820829
Slutty dork!
Rolled 20 (1d20)
>>44820850
Huh, well, I don't have anyone like that.
>Pokes your cheek
>>44820871
THAT'S IT!
>Attempts to tackle you
>>44820829
>Ignore roll.
>>44820850
>See >>44820871
Ah!
>Slap
>>44820779
No, it's not innuendo. I literally live in a grove, though it was but one tree when i planted it all those centuries ago.
Innuendo is not something I'm good at, and besides, even if it were, I one, lack the equipment though a few young druid maidens have commented on the plethora of vines festooning my skeleton, and two, there was only one woman I ever "shared a bed" with, and she died of cancer five millennia ago.
I miss her so...
>>44820829
I know.
>>44820850
I must agree. You're very strange.
>>44820885
>>44820883
>>44820850
NO FIGHTING IN THE HALLWAYS!!! IT GETS BLOOD AND CRATERS EVERYWHERE!!!
>>44820883
>Is suddenly tackled
Ow! What the hell?
>>44820713
Did I hear someone say Anal Probes?
Rolled 18 (1d20)
>>44820850
No, that was Howard who built the lady robots. Although, he ended up just making an automated hand....
I made a giant death robot and promptly lost it. I can't even remember what time it was ir what plane it was
>>44820871
>>44820883
>>44820885
Come now fellow mages! Fighting in the sacred guild hall!
>>44820923
*Stop fighting.
>>44820808
Turns we have a troublesome plant in Tenebrus, I'm confident Marus can deal with it when he arrives.
Rolled 2 (1d20)
>>44820906
YOU BROUGHT THIS UPON YOURSELF!
>Attempts to tickle you
>>44820903
>>44820923
You people have a poor idea of fighting!
>>44820952
There's not a lick of difference between conversing friendly on a park bench and fighting with you bath robed dicks.
>>44820883
>>44820885
>Watches the two of them fight.
>Pulls a pair of dildos out from under her robe and tosses them into the pile.
>>44820900
Wow. Okay, I'm sorta sorry now. Yeah, I'll swing by your grove. We can get baked together and talk about trauma like your dead lover and getting eaten.
>>44820912
Aw yeeeeeee. Zetsus, what do you have for me today?
>>44820923
You failure. We could have used a giant death robot. Have you ever held someone up at robot point? Like, even if they're not scared they'll pay just for a ride in a giant robot.
Also that's awesome. Do it again.
Rolled 20 (1d20)
>>44820952
Harump!
>>44820993
PRAISE CRITICUS!
>>44820952
>>44820988
Well, I guess you kids can go about your roughhouse then.
>>44820988
It'd take a loooooooong while to recreate the death robot, and even then it'd take quite a few planejumps and such to get the necessary parts...
It'd be easier to find the giant robot again. I wonder where he is.....
>>44820987
Hey, I only arrived here a couple of weeks ago!
>>44820988
. . .
>Tosses them back
>>44820993
. . .You're not ticklish, are you?
That's unfair. You're cheating.
>>44821049
Sir, I am over four million years old.
>>44820988
Wife, actually. But it's fine. Life, or in my case unlife, goes on.
Just a heads up on the "getting baked" bit. Got a few druids swinging by for a smoke-out. They can be a bit pushy with the herb, but my shit is Kaiju-strong, so don't let them push you too far too fast. Last time that happened, the poor bard tried to eat his own face.
>>44820951
Really? What is it, and what's it doing?
>>44820988
Well I just got some Slime men from the 64th Dimension in, very fresh.
It only took me the souls of 100 of my slav- I mean interns.
Yes, interns.
>>44821074
no you're just really bad at this.
>>44821094
I think you mean apprentices. And only 100? I think you have a nack for this.
>>44821094
KEEP THEM IN A BAG!!! THE SLIME GETS EVERYWHERE!!!!
>>44821092
Vampiric Dire Kudzu that they stole from a cursed island.
>>44821074
Four million years young, eh?
>>44821094
Progress requires sacrifice; at least, most times.
>>44821106
Hmph.
Well, what have you been up to?
>Despite trying to start idle conversations, he is still on top of you
>>44821148
Dude, this world is only around 60,000 years old.
>>44821081
Keep the druids out of the necromancy department or I cannot be held responsible for what happens.
>>44821092
I don't know, ask Selevyn.
>>44821094
Ever considered working in the necromancy department?
>>44821049
He's probably off in the Zeta-336 Dimension getting tons of lady bot ass. You did a good job. He's happier now.
>>44821081
You're not my mom! I mean, my mom would be like "Syth, what the hell are you doing? Are you seriously doing drugs with a bunch of druids?" And then she'd have a whole discussion about how I'm not living up to my potential and she knows I'm going through a rough time but I need to refocus myself if I ever want to do anything with important with my life.
>>44821094
Hot. I'll take a dozen. What do you even do with them? Are they like, edible slime, or the nice clothing eating stuff?
>>44821172
Oh don't worry Lurco, you're not the only being with planejumping and/or time travel abilities.
>Hearsch pats his pocketwatch and winks
>>44821176
Okay...
>>44821146
What.
No, nevermind, I don't even want to know.
>>44821172
get off of me you idiot.
>>44821208
>>44820988
>Gets hit in the face by a dildo
Dammit Syth.
>>44821176
No worries, laz. They'll be at my place, not at this guild.
'Sides, I'm just an honorary member/supplier of potables.
And they need no lesson on what happens when druidic and necromantic magics intersect. I exist.
>>44821242
Keep the change.
>Wink
>>44821224
. . .Look man, I'm a different Lurco.
>He hands you a paper
>"Hello! I am Lurco, but not the one you know! The other Lurco has taken me from my home and is using me as a replacement while he is busy doing something important far far away. You may call me Lurco, Baldrekr, which is my real first name, or Cactus which is my real last name. Something to note is that I probably do not know anything about you. Also, I come from the past of an alternative timeline, and so I have not been able to experience several years which the other Lurco has. And in while experiencing these years he had changed, as is expected of people. So, me and the other Lurco are different in personality and morals. If you have any more questions feel free to ask."
Also, I come from another Universe.
>>44821242
No, this is punishment for calling me a dork.
There are now 100 angry zombies more than there was a moment ago! Who keeps killing people!? Do you have any idea how much trouble the zombies area!??! They breed like rabbits (read:kill apprentices and other janitors), make a mess of everything and are a hell to clean off the floors!
SUMMON THE TRICERATOPS'
Rolled 10 (1d20)
>>44821290
>Knee to the balls
>>44821286
Dammit Syth!
>The insect girl enters the reunion room dressing her white kimono. On her left side, holded by her insectoid arms, can be seen a cacoon made of a white snowy fabric the thing about such cacoon was that it had the same size as if a human was wrapped inside of it.
"Ara, Am i to late for the meeting?"
>>44821290
Do you come from the Dork Universe? Because that would explain everything.
>>44821308
We always summon the triceratops! I want to summon the T-Rex this time!
>>44821106
They call me the questionably deranged, not the assuredly sloppy. I have some ability thank you.
>>44821120
I think you mean the Tar creatures of salem-dal on the eight fold path of the great slime. Very fun to play with, but they do leave quite the mess.
>>44821148
Indeed fellow mage, indeed.
>>44821176
I have, I've found the practice somewhat dull. Although the party the late 100th emperor of the Dregonic empire and I had after I resurrected him gave me some very pleasant memories. So many hookers.
>>44821208
Wonderful thing about slime men, they're like modifiable tentacles from the plane of elemental suffering, you can use them for anything.
>>44821338
Jill help!
>>44821208
Not telling you how to live your life either. Just warning you. Kaiju Blue is a hell of an herb.
>>44821338
Not too late yet, no.
Rolled 7 (1d20)
>>44821315
>Endure!
>>44821342
No, I don't!
>>44821378
D'oh!
>Lurco falls off of Jill
Was a simple apology too much!?
>>44821427
You tackled me!
>>44821290
Oh. OH. OHHHHHHH. That means....Oh boy. Well, are you in for a.....
*Hearsch's page beeps*
>Hearsch checks the pager and chuckles
That's my queue gentle men and women of the Guild; I must attend my regular Accountants and Administrators game. Until next guild meeting.
>Hearsch pulls out a small device, presses one of the buttons and a portal appears; he walks through it and it closes behind him
>>44821438
You hurt my feelings!
>>44821342
Because the triceratops are easier to clean after they explode from the strain.
>>44821338
You better not be having your shedding season and FOR THE LOVE OF GODS KEEP THE COCOON ON THE TABLE!!! IT KEEPS SHAKING OFF STRANDS!!!
>>44821362
Cool. What do you want in exchange? Because I have...
Nothing. Honestly, I lost most of my stuff when I accidentally blue up my room.
>>44821338
HEY YOU!
GIMME YOUR LUNCH MONEY!
>>44821365
Sounds awesome. I'll be over later, with, uh, I dunno. I guess I'll swipe some other person's beer.
>>44821378
Lurco, Dorkus Maximus.
>>44818304
OPPPP THE ARCHIVE NO LONGER WORKS!!
>>44821512
Hey!
Don't try to shake people down for their lunch money.
>>44821363
Hey Jill!! What happend?
>She gives small quick blinks the complete dark orb of her's expect for the silver iris staring at her friend
>>44821370
Ah, i'm glad i made it. Veilhexx did you received the acacia i sended to you? I meet your niece too such a sweet girl.
>The cacoon gives a small shake as the insect girl keep it holded.
>>44821548
I did.
And thank you. She is wonderful, isn't she?
>>448215184plebs does. I'm looking at it right now.
>>44821528
Fine. On one condition. I think you know the condition.
>>44821548
Seriously, can I get some money? I need it for food. And stuff.
>>44821512
Honestly, what you should bring is some munchies. I got an Old Hobbit-style ale that I made a month ago that should be perfect with Kaiju Blue.
>>44821512
Syth, Whorus Jerkus.
>Sticks his tongue out at you
>And then throws you a bag of gold
>>44821509
No. no my deer that was in the end of the year.That was a good time...
>Her face becomes red as she remembers the sweet moment of the new years end.
>>44821512
What is lunch money?
>>44821593
I do know the condition.
And no.
