Cryomancer of royal blood has fled to the mountains and released an everlasting winter over the land. You can not kill her, too strong. How would you reason with her?
Reasons for her departure = the same as in pic related.
>>44564704
I'm pretty sure there was an oglaf comic about this.
>>44564723
Yeah I remember it. I'd write "no retarded suggestions" but this is 4chan.
>>44564704
Fuck her
>>44564704
>You can not kill her
Maybe with that attitude faggot.
Rolled 1 (1d20)
>>44564704
>"For Gods' sakes woman, you are the embodiment of self-centered. You think you got problems because you're a cryomancer? I'm a fucking Tiefling whose prophecized to cause the end of the world when I fist some hole. There's a crapload of options besides 'run the fuck away from my responsibilities. You have an entire kingdom that needs their queen, and your last remaining family member, who misses her sister more than anything, needs her big sister. Get over yourself and come home."
>rolling for speech with a +1 charisma modifier.
>>44564803
>Rolled 1
>1
... Well, shit.
>>44564803
You are now a popsickle.
This is an improvement to your personality.
I banish her to the shadow realm!
>>44564803
She gives you a chilling stare. Your fake grin you had as you delivered the speech freezes on your face.
She says "Cool story bro" and turns you into a nice statue. Her penguin minions drag you off to garden until you thaw out.
>>44564704
Not sure, but I know I'd definitely avoid mentioning her wonky mouth.
Nothing. Her sister's got this.
Rolled 20 (1d20)
Bend over bitch, we're fucking
I wonder how many bards and wannabe loverboys would be found frozen on the hillsides of this region. Some probably with their dicks actually flipped out.
>>44564854
>This is an improvement to your personality.
Yeah, no shit.
>>44564869
Well she's not dead yet so there's still hope!
>>44564915
Look here >>44564911
See? THIS is how you deal with an ice queen!
>>44564803
Oops.
>>44564803
God damn it Hellboy.
Find the range of her powers.
Convince her to move to the middle of the biggest, hottest desert we known of.
People will love her there. She will make the lands around her icy garden green with snow melt.
>>44564911
NATURALLY
>>44564941
Or flood the shit out of the place because the soil has been dead for the last few million years.
On the upside, beachfront property for days.
>>44564911
Hey, when you're done with her can you help thaw me out, man. Or at least wait until I'm out of the room before you start?
>>44564931
Well forgive me for now defaulting to "put your dick in it". I recall that didn't go so well for the bard when confronting the acid ooze last session.
Rolled 20 (1d20)
>"baby, let me melt your frozen heart"
Rolled 15 (1d20)
>>44564704
I roll to seduce
>>44564977
>>44564985
OF FUCKING COURSE
Princesses need to be disciplined.
>>44564958
>roll a 20
>le dumb thing happen xD
She just needs a pyromancer husbando to balance her out.
>>44564704
>You can't kill her, too strong.
You mean I can't kill her in a straight up battle, right OP?
You can still use the shady ways, offerings of subtly poisoned food, hell put a razorblade in an apple and watch them eat it. In addition there are always pitfall traps and punji traps, lets see if she can fight gangrene and blood poisoning.
Then you've got the old fashioned guide to killing reality benders, shoot them in the back repeatedly and/or bomb them.
Well, cryomancer implies that she can tell the future by looking at ice. A formidable power, but definitely manageable. What it does mean is that she couldn't have unleashed winter by herself. Probably gotten an actual magic user to do that, so that's our real target. Rescuing the royal would be a bonus.
>>44565001
Hey man, don't get salty. The crime fits thePUNishment
>>44565295
>>44565304
Bitch, I'm so salty I kill snails with my frown.
>>44564911
>The Bard always gets his way
>>44564704
>You can not kill her, too strong
Not with that attitude son. Now get your warm boots while daddy calls his old sniper friend.
Rolled 14 (1d20)
>>44564704
hey bby you want benis?
>>44565414
She already has two and a half in her. Give her a rest.
>>44564704
>You can not kill her, too strong.
USA disagrees.
>>44565441
i prefer my women triple-stuffed
>>44565459
Get the fuck out of here chair force.
>>44565441
Who's the half? Volgin? I don't think he had any bullets near his dick so that presumably wouldn't have got shredded when he got hit by that lightning bolt.
>>44564704
>You can not kill her, too strong.
No. Kill her anyways.
Rolled 15 (1d20)
Do you want to build a snowman?
>>44566801
No, because three are already being made in her.
>>44566834
Building a snowman is ice witch slang for fucking
>>44566175
But she's too strong to kill, to swole to control.
>>44564911
/thread
This thread is proof that the answer is to always fuck it
>>44564803
>>44564911
Someone save this. This is the stuff legends are made of
>>44564911
>>44564977
>>44564985
The dice gods have decreed it: The ice queen will be defeated through hot dickings.
I love you.
>>44566861
Wait, so the song...
WHAT THE FUCK, ANNA
>>44567570
>>44564704
Impregnate her so she's too busy with child rearing to cause any more trouble. Repeat every 4 years.
>>44564911
>>44564977
They even got dubs.
Singing lessons.
Seduce her with a duet.
>>44567990
Were all gonna die
Rolled 10 (1d20)
How does she sing with my dangerous dwarven dick in her mouth ?
>>44568126
It shrank from the cold
>>44568161
At least it didn't fell off.
While the 3 guys are doing their thing in her I'll get a ice cold soda
>>44564803
>Backfired speech
>>44564911
>Assertive command
>>44564803
>nat 1
>"Yeah, fuck you."
>>44564911
>nat 20
>"I-I-I didn't mean literally!"
>>44565295
Good luck Commander
>>44564911
Saved.
>>44564704
>too strong
>her
>>44564803
>throwing in the autistic Gary Stu background for whatever character you play
No one cares.
>>44569985
not sure if serious
>>44564704
>You can not kill her, too strong
Maybe in a fair fight, but since when has regicide been about being fair?
Rolled 5 (1d20)
Is there still a hole available ?
![Cool_Island_Song[1].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/n1KfBXG.jpg "Cool_Island_Song[1].jpg")
>>44564704
We melt her icy heart with a cool island song
>>44564704
Bring a plucky adorable child-squire. Either his adorableness will warm her heart, or he will be killed by her constructs and show her how much damage she is causing, guilting her into going FAR FAR away, further north, where she can do no harm.
>>44564704
>You can not kill her, too strong
A true hero never gives up! We will find a way to end the winter! No matter what it takes!
Even this anon >>44564911 could find a way! Through force-of-arms or sexual conquest, the cause of righteousness always prevails!
>>44564704
Hopefully, she is unaware of the power gulf between you and her, making negotiations more fruitful. If not, avoid threats, either implied (for example, showing up with nonconcealed weapons and armor) or explicit (yelling and berating at her.)
And if your party is THAT party, tell them to bring a crapload of cold resistance stuff and fire damage spells and weapons. PCs have gotten lucky before.
But you need to analyze the situation on the homefront first. The last thing you need is to talk her down and go down the mountain in triumph only to have an angry mob of villagers led by a princely usurper and a sniveling duke try to shiv you and "the witch."
>>44569332
Source?
>>44564704
I move to another country. I don't have time to bandy words with some tedious, self-aggrandizing frigid lesbo.
>>44570330
shimoneta
>>44564911
