>you are give a sword by a strange woman lyin' a pond
I drop the sword and run away in case she's the lady of the lake and wants to make me king of the brits.
>It turns out the local Mermaid Blacksmith is having trouble getting business, and is giving away free samples. Unfortunately, most people don't speak Aquan, resulting in a lot of confusion and a few accidental coronations.
>>44542901
Thanks strange woman.
Rusty sword? No thanks.
>>44542901
>turns out she's a paladin and wants help to get out of the lake
>instead you just steal her sword and leave her to drown
>>44542921
I'm using that in my game
>>44542901
Some watery tart dispensing swords from a lake is no basis for a system of government
>>44542921
> Mermaid Blacksmith
How does she operate a forge underwater?
>>44542901
You know you raped 'em right when they willing hand back the weapon you had pressed against their throat mere moments before.
>>44542901
"Um, thanks? What do you want me to do with that? I'm a wimp and suck at melee. Or anything else really."
>>44542985
Hard work and dedication can make great things.
>>44542985
Magic and/or thermal vents.
>>44542985
Submarine volcano
>>44542901
I already have a sword I pulled out of a stone, so now I only need the sword in the fire and the sword in the air to complete the set, and be able to truly kill the BBEG!
>>44542985
Underwater volcanic vents?
>>44542901
runaway.gif
>>44542985
Deep sea heat vents
>>44542921
>Recipients account
"She spoke to me, a prophecy in some strange tongue! I couldn't understand it, but I just know it means I'm destined for great things!"
>Actual Translation
"Congratulations! I'm just setting up shop here, and you're the first person I've seen! You're eligible for one of my fine blades, absolutely free! Show it to all your friends, and tell them where you got it!"
>>44542917
>not wanting to be king
>not wanting divine right extending from ancient fae goddess, freeing you from the influence of Christendom
>not wanting to reclaim Britain from the German pretender currently on the throne
>not wanting to remove Kebab
Come on, anon, take the fucking sword.
>>44542985
She uses an induction coil furnace with a waterproof power supply she bought off of a travelling gnomish artificer.
>>44543061
>making a deal with the fae
>>44543009
>Sword in the air
Oh, you mean the one made by Damocles?
>>44542901
>you are give a sword by a strange woman lyin' a pond
Now this is incredibly awkward. Because I was taking a piss.
>>44543160
you better run, she might want to cut your dick off
>>44542985
The lake connects to an underwater cave, which is partly dry.
>>44543061
Well, I'm german, so overthrowing the german pretender would just make me the german pretender.
Also, I like Kebap. So no.
>>44543173
Damn it, I'm not done and I can't just stop in the middle of things! It's going to spray everywhere and I'll get that shit all over my pants!
>>44542921
I speak Aquan because my character's big on linguistics, so I'll tell her that
1) The majority of landwalkers don't speak or even heard of Aquan, advise her to learn Common or even Elfish
2) If she sets up shop here then she's bound to get captured and/or killed because SOMEONE keeps spreading around those fucking rumors that mermaid's blood, tears, flesh, scales, eggs, hair, bones, and everything else are all luxurious ingredients that can be used for all kinds of magical purposes.And I keep telling YOU, Nate, that this is why that shark man ripped off your nads and tossed it into the vat back at the coastal inn and why I didn't try to get it back for you. Haven't you ever heard of irony? Be glad he didn't take your dick too.
3) This is the middle of nowhere, and combined with your unspoken language it'll be very hard for you to get much business here. Perhaps you should set up shop next to this inn down the river, there's plenty of other seafolk there that would not only protect you but could also translate for you. I'm sure you would be a boon over there than here.No Nate shut the fuck up you don't get to talk to her after all the bullshit you've caused these people. Twelve fucking waves of wannabe fishnappers that we had to fight for free, that's still coming out of your cut of the treasure. Gods damn I still have a hole in my ass from that harpoon cannon.
>>44542901
>>44542901
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FnVym_7XRbo
>>44542901
>The kingdom is really an anarcho-syndicalist commune
>>44543377
Wait, what's up with this Nate character?
>>44543086
What is this magic.
>>44545628
Induction.
>>44545647
So it creates a EM field that works only on metal?
>>44545663
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Electromagnetic_induction
>>44545680
>>44545647
Witchcraft.
>>44545722
And the mermaid does not even float like a duck!
>>44542901
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qk1B8DiIJI8&index=1&list=PLw7f7PLj9iPEW1vJsJsq9RSu8LZDUl3xj
>>44542921
The Lady of the Lake is in fact not a mermaid but the ruler of the isle of Avalon. It appears to be an inheritable title (but not in a conventional, passed-down-to-your-descendants sense) but one that only a woman and sorceress can hold.
That said I like your interpretation and 100% would play.
>>44542921
>Peasant accidentally married to mermaid blacksmith.
Just like my Polynesian Cartoony Pictures.
Quick /tg/ what is the established power of the sword Excalibur?!
>>44546309
Excalibur is the blade forged in the dawn of time to rule the race of man. It shines with such brilliance that reflected sunlight can blind your enemies; it's also unbreakable so long as it is wielded by one of righteous heart.
Strangely, Excalibur's scabbard has the much more useful ability: While you hold the scabbard, you do not bleed.
>>44546309
SWORD BEAMS
>>44546309
Quite shit, actually. Arthur even gives it away to one of his lackeys at one point. The scabbard is way better - prevents wounds from bleeding or prevents death from bleeding, depending on which interpretation you read.
>>44546451
Might be because even a cool name like Excalibur can't compete with the utterbadassery of Arthur's spear, Rhongomyniad.
>>44546309
>>44546451
That's it. I'm sick of all this "Masterwork Bastard Sword" bullshit that's going on in the d20 system right now. Excalibur deserves much better than that. Much, much better than that.
I should know what I'm talking about. I myself commissioned the genuine Excalibur from the Lady in the Lake for £13.000 (that's about $20,000) and have been practicing with it for almost 2 years now. I can even cut slabs of solid steel with my Excalibur.
The Lady of the Lake spends years working on Excalibur and folds it up to a million times to produce the finest blade known to mankind.
Excalibur is thrice as sharp as regular European swords and thrice as hard for that matter too. Anything a longsword can cut through, Excalibur can cut through better. I'm pretty sure Excalibur could easily bisect a knight wearing full plate with a simple vertical slash.
Ever wonder why medieval Europe never bothered conquering Britain? That's right, they were too scared to fight the disciplined Arthur and his Excalibur of destruction. Even at the Battle of Camlann, Mordred targeted the man with Excalibur first because his killing power was feared and respected.
So what am I saying? Excalibur is simply the best sword that the world has ever seen, and thus, requires better stats in the d20 system. Here is the stat block I propose for Excalibur:
(One-Handed Exotic Weapon)
1d12 Damage
19-20 x4 Crit
+2 to hit and damage
Counts as Masterwork
(Two-Handed Exotic Weapon)
2d10 Damage
17-20 x4 Crit
+5 to hit and damage
Counts as Masterwork
Now that seems a lot more representative of the cutting power of Excalibur in real life, don't you think?
tl;dr = Excalibur need to do more damage in d20, see my new stat block.
>>44546756
It's not like my sides were doing anything useful anyway
>>44543122
Fae seem pretty chill. Got this badass greatsword out of one deal. Don't even remember meeting up with them or asking them for it. I fail to see the problem with them.
>>44545738
She just magicks herself to make it appear that way and fool those who don't know what to look for.
Didn't she move to a fountain?
>>44548036
That's the mermaid equivalent of willingly becoming trailer trash.
>>44542901
But I don't want to get NTR'd!
>>44548074
You aren't a very good liar, Anon.
>>44543061
> Have to eat British Food the rest of your life
> Have to marry British Woman
> Fuck your own sister.
Well, 1/3 isn't really enough perks for me.
Looks like the first thing we're doing is invading France if I can't get out of it.
>>44548095
Would you believe me if I said I wasn't a siscon either?
>>44546756
. . . . fuck you for making this meme actually appropriate for a God Tier magic sword.
>>44548131
King Arthur conquered all of Europe and was Emperor of Rome m8.
>>44543053
>recipients account
Look, we've got a strict 30 days payment policy, and your account is way overdue already!
>>44548329
See? Nothing drives a man towards Conquest of foreign lands like being born on that godforsaken island.
>>44542901
the sword is clearly prof o me being able to assume supreme executive power of the nation. What system of government will be determined at a later time
>>44542921
>Ere, you want to stay away from the lake mate. That lad Arthur went there once and lookit what happened to him, eh. Murdered by his own incestuous bastard son and all 'is works ruined.
>Poor mermaid blacksmith lying among a heap of brilliant weapons shivering, lonely and surviving on what raw fish she can catch.
>>44548544
Tis true. The British Empire was pretty much an excuse to go to other places and be able to complain about them not being like England without the locals getting uppity.
>>44542985
Her pussy is on fire.Which is creating smoke underwater.
>>44549387
Shit, i meant "on the water". I failed you, /tg/.
>>44548329
Wasn't it the other way around? You, know, hor Rome conquered all of Europe, and one of their officers got stranded in the British Isles after the fall of Rome and became King Arthur?
>>44550115
>Romanfag damage control
kek, no, Arthur personally slew your Emperor then returned to rule the greatest empire of peace Europe has ever seen from Camelot
>>44548954
>>44543061
having a watery tart throw a sword at you is not a valid basis for a government, anon.
>>44550578
Help, help, I'm being oppressed!
>>44542997
>>44543005
>>44543010
>>44543036
In a pond?
>>44547849
And he was never heard from again.
>>44550690
It's a lake which connects to the sea.
>>44542901
I take the sword and put my Dickinson in her hand.
>>44543182
>German
>liking Kebab
You're one of those neo-socialist Germans right? Anyone tell you you're the reason the US feels the need to accept refugees?
>>44547849
Nigga, here's how a deal with the fae goes down.
Your beautiful princess wife or whatever, she dies, right, so you get fucking desperate and such. Your options are thin- you deal with a demon, your soul is forfeit, you deal with a djinn and, sure, you might get her back, but you fucking well know that she'll come back wrong, you ask a wizard and a billion little things might go wrong.
So you figure, what the hell, the fae aren't that bad. Elves are awesome and fantastic, and they always keep their word, and so you fucking go into some enchanted forest shit, nigga and you find a faerie prince to make a deal with
Now you gotta understand, you know this pale-ass nigga is fae, an alien presence that does not operate on the same scale of morality as you do, but this nigga so fucking charming you get a hard-on and forget to say 'no homo'.
So you tell him about your beautiful, wife, the light of your life, and he tells you, she can have a half of her life. Now you know to ask questions, so you ask- how long that is, is she going to be properly alive, is he going to screw you- and he says, 20 years, just as she was, he only wants to make people happy. So fuck it, you figure the hook is in the 20 years, and your wife will probably be taken away to the never-never land after that, but hell, it's 20 years you wouldn't have.
So you get her back, it's all fucking awesome for a while but you notice that your wife is fucking exhausted all the time. In a while you realize she doesn't care about earthly delights no more You ask her about it, and she tells you, at night- and no shit nigga, she's been sleeping full 12 hours every night- every night she's taken to a fairy ball where they dance and feast and fuck until every guest passes out from exhaustion. And that is when it hits you- the half of her life taken away will not be in twenty years, all at once. It will be in chunks of half-days for the rest of her life.
And that is why you don't deal with the fae.
>>44550966
>taking credit for what Susanna Clarke wrote
>has probably only seen the TV series
>>44550993
>anonymous
>taking credit
Anyways, yeah, read that book, nigga, it's good shit.
>>44550966
Can I join her and be fucked by fae?
>>44551073
Yes but you will never get a satisfactory orgasm
>you are give a sword by a strange woman lyin' a pond
If she's lying to the pond, why do I trust her?
>>44551091
Well I said get fucked, not fuck, so that's kinda a given by straight standards.
>>44543061
>Wanting to get gutted by your own son
>Wanting to be lied to by your best friend who tries to jack your sword
>Wanting to get dragged onto some shitty raft by some crazy bitches and hoping you end up in Avalon
Son, did you even read Le Morte d'Arthur? That job goes to shit pretty quick.
I want to read a story about the mermaid blacksmith now, fuck you /tg/
>>44543061
>>44543122
>Accepting gifts from faeries
>Not accepting gifts from faeries
>Either in any way a good idea.
>>44542979
I bet you think you're oppressed. Come along, Patsy, leave the mudslinging to the wee folk.
>>44551338
>caring about French Fanfiction
>>44552258
If you're gonna get fucked over by the fae regardless of what you do, might as well be a doomed king than a doomed peasant.
>>44552734
The whole Arthurian legend is fanfiction, though. The real Arthur was just some guy that stabbed a bunch of dudes for getting on his lawn.
>>44552991
>thinking magic didn't exist
You are playing right into their hands, anon.
>>44550865
So she goes all the way down the river into the sea it lets out at, goes to the middle of the ocean, goes down to the bottom of the sea, and THEN gets her forging done?
No wonder she's so fucking poor! The overhead on shipping all these weapons must be enormous!
>>44553031
Who, the French?
>>44553088
Yes.
>>44542901
Well, if the random magic woman wants me to rule the world, who am I to deny her?
>>44542979
It's the only system of government that actually works and we all know it
>>44553544
forgot the pic, sorry
If I went around saying I was the emperor just 'cause some moistened bint lobbed a scimitar me, they'd put me away!
>>44553578
Thumbnail, bro.
>>44546243
My Bride is a Mermaid was pretty entertaining. the fact that the father-in-law was a yakuza helped a lot.
>>44543377
Glorious.
>>44545279
Some fucker who always rolls some bard fucknut that does stupid shit all the time that ends up with him getting the shit beaten out of him. And yes that is actually a thing that happened to him, the spoony asshole played nothing but songs and poems and stories about mermaids and how you can use them for personal/nefarious gains and when we finally got to the shorelines where there's a fuckton of aquatics hanging out karmaa finally caught up to him so not only did we have to defend a bunch of fish dudes from all of the people who heard the stories but we also had to fucking get the fuck out of there because the fish dudes found out why they were being attacked recently. I fucking love my DM and his action/reaction style of pipelining.
>>44546309
It can split the sky and raise the earth. Fool.
>>44546309
All this bullshit and no one talks about Crocea Mors.
>>44551014
Which book?
>>44554129
I don't need to be makin an enemy of those three auld hags.
>>44542985
very carefully.
>>44551696
Just put it in your game.
>>44550690
The pound is formed in the crater of a dormant volcano.
>>44546756
The problem is... For Exaclibur, this makes some sense and even can seem a bit underpowered.
Probably also needs DR bypass since it's name does roughly translate to "Steel Cutter", and there's the whole "shining light" thing mentioned in >>44546395
>>44542901
>grab it with a covered hand
>sell it at the earliest opportunity
Nice lady.
>>44543160>she has a watersports fetish
>Gain yandere fae waifu
>>44546395
Actual lore or just added fluff?
>>44557281
>actual lore vs "added fluff"
>Arthurian mythos
That's a thick question to answer. The Arthurian legends change in the telling every few centuries and were in large parts oral. Le Morte d'Arthur is the latest bit of really game changing fan fiction, but even the legends pre Morte are muddled and confused.
>>44557436
What I meant, was, "are those parts actually part of Arthurian legend, or is it something made up for tabletop gaming?"
>>44557474
Oh. I'm not that poster, but I know it being able to blind people and the scabbard stopping you from bleeding are from Le Morte and pretty much established. I haven't heard "forged in the dawn of time" or "unbreakable if wielded by one of righteous heart" before, but I wouldn't be too surprised if that were in one of them somewhere.
>>44543061
I do not want to get involved with some shitty redhead with a sword fetish, so I'll pass on that job.
