Best dnd stories
>>44294260
>>44296995
Open up with better shit than these two tired obviously fake stories.
Damn, shot down early.
>>44297285
keep posting. ignore the badwrongfun mongerer
My personal favourite.
>>44299851
>>44299858
Referring to this penny arcade strip, read the strip first.
http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2009/03/20
>>44299858
Genius
>>44299909
This one's probably fake but whatever.
Anyone has the "Old Chosen One" story?
>>44299949
>Working our way through the a tomb
>Half-orc is making fun of the halfling after he found out the halfling was a virgin
>Picks up a skeleton and starts acting like he is buttfucking it to show the halfling 'how's it done.'
>DM: So, by moving the bones you have activated the latent magical trap in the room and now the skeletons start to reanimate.
The fight went on as normal, but I just couldn't help but think, 'What went through that poor skeleton's mind?'
>>44300096
A half-orc's crotch, obviously.
>>44299858
I loved that thread.
I've been in 5 games of DnD so far. Some better than others. The worst, by far, was my second trek into the game in a Roll20 campaign called "Ever Changing Tides." Ran by the DM who we'll call J.
J was was a damn edge lord. Kept going on about how he was going to kill our characters and go into great detail about each death. But that's not the stupid part. The stupid was the setting, which had two "features."
1. The land was ever changing. Every week or so the entire landscape would change and new things like forests, mountains and rivers would pop up or disappear everywhere.
>Ok, that sounds like an easy way to not make maps, but the idea's kinda cool and towns aren't affected so we're good with bearings
2. If a character dies, any record of them is lost and everyone forgets them. The are lost forever
>Yo what the fuck mate? That's fucking stupid
I didn't actually say that because I was new and wanted to be in a game so fuck it, roll for stats and shit
I made pic related. Sheela Sta'kon, a green dragonborn rogue. She was of noble birth butlitterallywent rogue because of arranged marriage problems at home. She's a go-to PC I use when staring a new 5E game and her reliability ranges from not bad to damn near useless. Whatever, let's go!
And then I remembered that they play in the US. Being and Ireland-fag meant I had to stay up from 11PM-6AM just to have a session. This was at a time I could do this however so again, just pass the fuck out the next day or something.
So our first session starts. We have a few guys; Dragonborn paladin, gotta smite 'em all. Orcy barbarian, king of killing shit, A halfling thief, fucking hate the little shits (for reasons unrelated to this campaign, thankfully). And special snowflake half elf fighter. We'll call him G, short for his username. He and J knew each other from previous campaigns, so I was getting a heck of a shafting, being new and stuff.
>>44300398
>>44300096
Wait. Is this a thread for best pics of greentext, actual stories that happened to us, or both. I'm fine with any i just wanna make sure before i dump shit of one type or the other.
>>44300460
Both, I assume.
>>44300460
both mate
>>44300460
Both I'd say. OP wasn't specific
>>44300398
So we start in a tavern (typical, I know, but at least it's tried and tested) and our characters all meet up. Now, most of the players are chill dudes. Even G, the special snowflake, is being pretty nice in and out of character, and they all get me up to speed with how to use roll20 and good character use. J however is pretty much just humming to himself and by the sounds of it taking all our characters' notes down.
We talk to the barkeep, a muscly dwarf with a chill attitude. His name is One-eye, for clearly obvious reasons, and he shows us a map that points north (skull and crossbones littered everywhere but north) and says "That way be golden buckets! I must have one!"
Then the rogue decides to try to steal the map. He rolls. He fails. Hard.
It was over before he could react. Two swings and 20+ damage later the halfling lay dead on the floor, his head split down the middle, brains everywhere. No rogue could survive two greataxe swings at level one. "Anyone else?" Everyone nopes. "Good!" He's back to his friendly attitude like nothing happened.
Looking back the rogue probably fucked up and/or was trying to be That Guy. But he never got the chance to say what. As only a few seconds later, J kicked him from the chat. So now there's this element of "You better not die, or you'll fuck off." Not even joking, he told him fuck off before he booted him.
So NOW I'm worried. If my character died, so what, but being removed because I died? That's just fucking rude. On that note, a new player dropped in; a golden tiefling....something, I forget.
So we head around town, G meets this girl. She's got pale skin, red hair, pointy ears, yup. definitely a high elf. They start talking. And J just keeps on shipping the fuck out of them. Not in character, no, just saying "I bet she's your one true love" and other shit. Everyone else is either chuckling or eye rolling. I can tell in G's voice that he's used to this shit.
>>44300575
>Being kicked out for dying in an unforgiving game
Sound quite interesting
>>44299851
>Men pretending to be women
Instantly dropped.
Literally nothing redeemable about that life style
>>44300706
Sounds more like a blessing than a problem.
>>44300575
So we press on with our campaign, following this grill. Things for the most part are chill. Among all these edgy as fuck characters Sheela is very much the comic relief. Despite being a rogue she had many blades and would often charge headlong into fights, duel shortswords out and swinging like no tomorrow. She also wasn't the brightest, -1 int but enough perception to know the world around her and a crap ton of points in strength. In hindsight she'd be better as a fighter, but the whole "princess gone rogue" thing was too good to not stick to, and I really enjoyed the look of the pathway tree for rogues, especially assassin. I had a sinking feeling she was pretty much fucked around these much better warriors, but that bit comes later.
We keep traveling. Fight off some bandits, recruit a kobald because dragonborn (J totally shipped Sheela and "Lozey" as we dubbed him) and came to a cave full of l00t. Indeed, we found the golden buckets. Then paladin activated a trap that damaged all of us and killed Lozey. While J was keking the rest of us sane peeps mourned the loss of a kobald...then proceeded to forget he existed.
Next session I find our tiefling is gone, replaced by an elf ranger played by a guy who I'm pretty sure was about 13. God help him if this was his first session. The tiefling didn't die though, so 13 was just filling in so that we'd have a full party.
We expore more stuff, fight more shit, Paladin almost botches a riddle that could've killed him and J ships G and grill harder. Sheela is a non-factor at this point, but barely anyone else is. We were all still level 1 and any exp/gold we earned was minuscule at best. Chock that up to hard mode I guess.
So we get back to the tavern. One-eye loves his golden bucket we retrieved and thanks us. But of course there is more treasure to be found so we must depart. Then we spot a creepy couple in the corner. An old woman and a tough-guy human.
>>44300809
Well, into the "idea for next session" it goes.
>>44300815
So we walk up to them and the conversation pretty much boils down to "Yo you two look evil, fuck you," "But your party is too weak," "Um...what?" "You're already dead..."
Orc lad is not pleased with that, and grabs the woman's arm. His hand burns to low HP from poison.
>oh shit
"You shouldn't have done that...."
>oohhhhh SHIT
At this point, I'm sorry to say, the game just turns into an anime clusterfuck. The old woman turned out to be a poison goddess (I shit you not, that was what the DM said) and casted an AOE spell that deals 80 damage to every living thing in the bar. Almost everything dies. Sheela, G, Paladin, the tough guy, all fucking dead. The only ones left are one-eye (HP out the wazoo), Orc (race trait) and 13 (insanely lucky roll to dodge). It didn't last long though. Goddess mindwiped the orc to kill 13, then blasted the fuck out of One-eye. 13 killed Orc to save his life, then was instagibbed by the goddess. She walked out of the smoldering bar keking, along with the DM.
So I'm fucking salty at this point. So we had to deal with that bitch who was way out of our league and we were supposed to take it?
Apparently so...
Because fucking anime, I don't know, the god of life gave true resurection to the orc, and let him live, then Elf-grill (who was conveniently outside during this mess) resurrected G and gave him enough power to restore the rest of the party (all with -4 stats, mind, EXCEPT the orc because god shit) and proceeded to die and fall to dust. So......we were TPKed, then un TPKed. Ok, cool, but some consistency would be nice J, you fucking doughnut!
But then an even worse thing happened which the DM describe OOC.
The barmaid cuts down the goddess in a back alleyway and walks off unhurt. The fucking barmaid who was a background at best NPC. Salt is just everywhere at this point.
And I've still got to tell the rest of this bloody campaign's story...
>>44301188
>(all with -4 stats, mind, EXCEPT the orc because god shit)
This is where I'd quit the campaign laughing.
>>44301188
Man, you can't even blame anime for this, the GM is just a fucktard that thinks killing the players is more enjoyable than making a cool adventure.
>>44301506
Sounds like the children of the sandler
>>44301188
This isn't anime, it's just a shitty GM bullshitting you.
Seriously, though, I can't believe anyone continued playing with the shithead after a stunt like that.
>>44301506
Fucking this was the whole campaign desu
>>44301188
Fast forward to the last two sessions. G for some magical reason can still sense that Grill is alive, despite the rules established. How? He remembers her.
So now we have this quest to save the grill. We come across this empty cart that was part of a convoy the grill used to be with. We couldn't get in previously, but it was open now. We all go in, pitch black, no light. Then we hear wheezing in the corner. It's a wraith. Ok, let's fight this shitlord.
The fight wasn't too bad. A few injuries yes, but no deaths to worry about. Then the door opened and we walked back out. Only now things were....different.
Before us lay a field of white spreading into infinity as far as the eye could see in every direction. And it wasn't snow either, it was white grass. And the only landmark was a castle in the distance. So we walked.
And now for the real blush it to start. So we enter the castle and are greeted by this pale white haired woman dressed in black. One perception check later it hits us. This is lady death. We're in the afterlife. Every single blade of grass is a dead soul. And grill? She works for lady death.
Um.
What the fuck, J?
At the time stupid old me was impressed, but looking back it's just fucking stupid and a cheep way (I fucking knew) we were gonna get killed. Lady death points G to Grill, saying that she was punished for saving some souls (us). G says he'll do anything to save us.
So we go through a set of three tests. Test one, boss fight. I shit you not we are just dropped into a dragon fight. At level one. Through fucking luck Sheela and do strike the beast down, but it was gimped, obviously. J said it had 1/2 damage and health the whole time. Yeah, because nothing else this campaign was fucking bullshit.
>>44302254
Next test is a story I told before. Paladin gets his hands trapped, Sheela makes an int check, scores 4, lops his hand off. God damn it J took control of her. Then Paladin stabs her in the head and force fails the last challenge, "all for one or one for all." Basically either only one person hangs themselves for the party (would've been G because "I'd do anything for Grill) or everyone but 13, who didn't show up (Lady death told him when he'd die. Not today she claimed). So we got TPKed.....AGAIN. And to add to the bullshit the most anime thing happened.
G was revived and was appointed as lady death's servant, alongside a disciplined grill. The rest of us? Killed and booted.
Easily this whole thing was the worst DnD experience I've had (even if it's tame as fuck compared to other stories). There is good news to this however: now I know how NOT to play/DM
The players were great guys. One even sent me a PDF of the player's handbook free of charge (that shit's expensive to get hard copy) and they were very patient when I didn't know how to roll shit. Basically in a realm of That DM, we were lacking in That Guys, which improved the experience greatly.
It also showed me that it's not players vs DM that works best, it's just exploring a world. I made a campaign where it was fine to do literally what you want with who you want, but still with an overarching story. And a MUCH lighter feel helped in an almost comedical setting. At the end if that everyone was either "That was great" or "best session I've had" despite being a first time DM. Going out to be nice to PCs was definitely the way to a more fun game; even if the story/setting is shit if you have a fun time as a full group it doesn't matter. Just relax, play nice and raid some damn damn dungeons
>>44302435
That sounds like a really bad time, no idea why you kept going on with it.
Still, I don't see the problem of doing anime shit if it's enjoyable at least, which wasn't your case.
>>44303392
Pretty much the only reason I kept going was because I was a newfag to DnD and didn't know that that's not how it works. A few self-homebrew sessions and a classic edition game later I was clued in that yes, if you make a mistake it can be fatal but to be a dick to your players is......well being a dick to your players, and the whole thing has left me a better DM/player as a result
>>44299909
>The punchline is the filename
Why
Can anyone post Sir Dick Cummington?
>>44301188
This raises an interesting question for me. In a campaign I'm planning for a group of friends I plan for a somewhat similar thing to happen. At some point, whenever that may be (could take them a while to meet her depending on what strikes their fancy) they're going to meet an NPC who will blow them the fuck out unless they've gotten pretty high level. She has no interest in killing them, just hindering them, so she'll leave all of them alive in a situation in which easy recovery will be possible. The point of this is just to demonstrate how strong she is and give them something to look forward to, whether that be being that strong someday or beating her ass. Is this a poor decision?
Does anyone have a better resolution of this story, its of a generc town guard that caused two party wipes
>>44304562
I've actually done just this. But rather than make it appear out of nowhere, let it be something like a test of strength that she openly admits to before the fight starts. Then when it looks easy she blows another fraction of her power to knock them down a peg. Always hit for non-lethal as the damage comes crashing on them and when they're beaten, bruised and at the brink of the first death, just walk off saying that they aren't ready for her full power. It's a good reality check as well as a fun fight, and depending on the NPC can either create a figure to become or a foe to train to defeat
>>44304822
That's pretty much the execution I had in mind actually.
>town we're staying in is getting wrecked by a hurricane
>local governor is looking for anyway to mitigate damage
>second we hear he's paying we head out
>tell him we got a plan
>we'll fight this hurricane in honorable combat as a show of national power and to scare off other hurricanes
>find a nice embankment on a nearby beach
>fight for 3 days straight
>mostly all of us martials martials swinging our weapons in grand way
>occasional "acrobatic" moves punctuated by explosions and effects from wizard and us posing
>pretty sure we caused more damage than the storm
>as the storm disperses we shout victory
>get carried to the mead hall by the survivors
>labeled the Storm Slayers
>travel the land making money fighting storms
>our very presence can scare storms off in minutes but some tenacious cells will hold out for days
>occasionally they'll warrant a "fight" to show them whats what
>king becomes taken with us and the stories the peasants have regaled him with
>makes us deeded heroes
>gives us each land that totals to about half his holdings
>every year we visit the same coastal as the hurricanes have made it a target now
>every year we slay it in godlike combat
>>44305973
That's kind of dumb.
Is it a comedy campaign?
>>44306456
I suppose you had to be there for it. We were kind of floating at the time as the dm has this deal where we have to actively search out shit more than you'd think. Make any check you want but unless you make an RP attempt with each and every villager you won't make any headway. Cause why would a villager have any knowledge of happenings in the north? You'd also have to know to head north for that tip. Which no one would also know. So we made our own fun and the dm rolled with it. It was fun as hell and we actually did the poses.
>>44305973
That sounds pretty retarded. If I was DM I would have an actual storm spirit, like an air elemental on steroids, show up and wreck you.
>running a fairly normal campaign, in a GoT style universe. Medieval with no magic.
>There is however, one magic user in the entire world, and throughout a 5-6 hour session the players only encounter him once
>They're at his house, and there's been a huge buildup. After ages of normal shit finally going to be some spellcasting
>everyone's pumped, I've really hyped this guy up
>just as I'm about to launch into the description of this guys magical abilities and such real arcane shit, one of the players roommates comes into our room
>"Yo I'll be like 5 minutes just carry on whatever dude"
>forced to explain about lightning and fire and other magical shit in front of this guy who's obviously laughing inside as he searches for a textbook or some shit
>I plough on, and eventually he leaves
>next day everyone thinks me and my mates are mega nerds, one of my mates actually blames me pretty bad
>literally only section of campaign that made us look like immense geeks
bruh
>>44306942
You are in a Tabletop gaming board, sharing stories about tabletop games. You are an immense geek, Johny. We all are.
Weird story.
The GM pretty much retconned all the players characters in the game. We haven't played in like 3 months. But here's the quick story.
>be me, paladin of light
>wake up with amnesia in a prison
>find people in cells all around me
> all in total, a dwarf rogue, a half-elf fighter, Gnome wizard, and a human female cleric waifu
> We quickly find out there are no guards after 2 days of waiting
> finally escape when the gnome finds a scroll of shrink person woven into his pillow
> he lets us all out
> prison is completely empty
> stroll out to courtyard
> fatass demon falls out of the sky
> everyone but me dodges because failed reflex save
> Take some damage but manage to escape into a nearby tunnel
> find our weapons and armor in a locked room
> rogue does his thing, and we all prepare to take on the demon
> kill it and move on
> in case you couldn't tell this is dark souls themed
> once we finally make it to the lords flame and kill his punk ass a new guy shows up
> looks like a wizard, dresses in black, monologues
> rogue goes for a sneak attack, promptly pissing him off
> man speaks a few words and suddenly the entire body starts convulsing on the ground
> everyone's skin bleaches out, fading to grey.
> become hairless, with long forearms
> we have become doppelgängers
> evil guy explains that we were his puppets
> he apparently captured us and replaced our memories with those of legendary fallen heroes
With this twist, everyone instantly lost all forethought about how to play their characters. We still haven't decided yet if we want to go the hero route and say it doesn't matter what you did, we are who we are, or go the "fuck it, pay us and we'll keep serving you" route.
I'm absolutely stumped at this point.
Do I still have abilities of a regular doppelgänger?
Does this affect my stats?
Would my character even care?
Help pls
>>44300779
he didn't read the post
>>44296995
>los tiburon
>not el tiburon
story ruined
>>44307197
I can't tell you the answer anon. Only you know it. What would your character do? Would he serve a clearly evil man or hang onto his convictions no matter what he is? That's for you to decide. All of the statistics and abilities are on your DM. If he didn't have any idea in the first place he's shit.
Even though it's long, this is probably the single best story from /tg/ I've read so far.
>>44302435
It's nice to know that everything worked out for the betterment of you all.
I am happy for you, anon.
