Let's create a kingdom, /tg/. Everything said about this kingdom is true unless it conflicts with something previously stated in the thread.
To start, it is a large island nation that has existed for centuries.
>>44159401
It is populated by birds that are spies for the king.
The inhabitants of the island try to trick the spy birds by feeding them all in a central park away from their houses and families.
>>44159422
Few people know about these birds' true purpose, and those that do are viewed as conspiracy nuts and insane.
>>44159401
It has a grand navy that has defended her shores since the beginning.
It's called England and the royal family follows divine incest laws.
>>44159422
The birds are each 3 times taller than the average adult.
>>44159491
boooo crap name boo
>>44159401
It follows a pantheon of gods and has a alliance with the merfolk of the surrounding seas.
>>44159457
Kind of contradicts >>44159448
>>44159485
They've never upgraded their fleet from the initial armed fishing boats, it's just that no one wants to invade.
There is an underground alchemy trade that deals in various magical potions, elixers and ingredients banned by the king's court, deeming them dangerous and heretical.
>>44159519
Not if you consider >>44159493
>>44159535
These ingredients include cinnamon, sugar, and any form of pepper.
>>44159519
Yeah, he posted as I was posting. Ignore my post, then.
>>44159513
The merfolk, while loyal and faithful to their long-standing alliance, are oft subject to suspicion due to a large band of merfolk pirates that occasionally attack human ships.
It is a center of trade and is amongst the wealthiest of all nations. Their banks hold the money of almost all nations.
>>44159401
Dark and dingy fey live in the tunnels and sewers, doing business with messenger rats.
Hazardous substances are delicious to them, and delicious substances are hazardous: Cake is particularly feared.
>>44159592
Because of this, some of the city guards that patrol near the entrances to known to be frequented by the fey have taken to carrying pastries with them.
It has a large temple dedicated to the god of the sea and the fertility goddess. These two gods are the patrons of the nation and there are monthly celebrations in their name.
>>44159401
Their men are too feminine which is why most of their young womenfolk are forced to travel once in a while to get pregnant and bear a child. Surprisingly, most of the men in the kingdom have no problem rearing another men child.
>>44159652
fucking sweeden.
>>44159401
Their culture places great importance on honor, family, money and piety.
>>44159652
>kekholding
Keep your fetish shit out of /tg/. Take your magical realm to /d/.
>>44159631
These deities are supported by 150 saints each; Ancient custom dictates they must be balanced, so when a new saint is canonised, another's records are destroyed.
>>44159684
However there is a secret library hidden in the depths of the island where all knowledge is stored, even of the old saints.
The gods do not get involved in the affairs of mortals, though they do send holy messengers and messiahs to help lead the nation in times of need as well as empower their followers with boons and miracles.
>>44159675
Those who break these tenants are shunned and often forced out of the country to fend for themselves on the open ocean.
>>44159401
They have not yet invented the wheel, yet the islands greatest export is skateboards
>>44159401
the island is populated by Aryan white people.
>>44159574
Could be that the crazy and insane ones are the only ones that feed the birds?
Blood sports are a great source of entertainment for the people with shark wrestling being the most popular. When a man or woman has become a champion they may ask one thing from both gods, barring certain conditions.
>>44159422
These birds are not simple beasts, but actually a sentience race sworn to loyalty to the king from an ancient pact known only to them and the king's most trusted men.
>>44159401
Their greatest musician plays the panpipes with his nose.
The island is famed for its fat women.
A common greeting is to lick the strangers left earlobe.
>>44159794
sentient*
Whoops.
>>44159401
food is based heavily on fish and imported spices as well as fermented rice wine.
>>44159775
back to POL with you!
>>44159794
These trusted men are given magical black feathers to wear, either in caps or elsewhere.
They never run out of ink, anything written with them is known to the birds, and if the user wishes, they can cut as well as a knife.
>>44159807
You're not funny. The fuck outta here with that "lolsorandumxD" shit.
>>44159401
Children are usually taught about other cultures in school as it would be disrespect to not learn about them. Scoring in those subjects are more important than in mathematics and living skills. This method of teaching are popularized by everyone in the kingdom.
>>44159401
The Island is named Tikki'Bunga'Wunga
Slavery is outlawed however indentured servitude is legal.
Women hold little rights and are usually either house wives or whores. There is a brother on every street corner and it is the hub of gossip and a popular meeting place filled with good food and well trained women.
>>44159850
"You're not funny. The fuck outta here with that "lolsorandumxD" shit." Is the island's national motto.
>>44159853
Because of this, the nation's chief export is diplomats, with mercenaries required to protect the shores.
>>44159401
Everyone wears slippers to bed.
>>44159519
It's a conspiracy by the birdseed merchants. They only sell in the parks.
>>44159892
The chief export is skateboards, so diplomats can either be on those skateboards or the second main export.
>>44159853
Despite learning about other cultures, the cultures are hated on the island.
Every living being in the kingdom- man, animal, or monster- is at all times pooping its pants. Animals wear pants specifically to poop in them.
>>44159401
The Kingdom's food is widely known for how horrible it is.
>>44159957
Incidentally fertiliser is a rarity on this island, no one can work out why.
>>44159944
Diplomats on skateboards, of course, teaching the surrounding islands to be totally rad, bro.
>>44159401
The kingdom abhor war despite its great navy and blood sports. In general, it welcome all refugees with generous welfare and good healthcare
>>44159886
*Brothels
>>44159401
There are mighty walls and other fortifications built to defend against pirate attacks and are designed to not corrode due to the salty seas. No one else can figure out how to replicate this.
>>44159957
fucking /d get out.
>>44159964
>"There is a brother on every street corner and it is the hub of gossip and a popular meeting place filled with good food and well trained women."
Only applies if the brothels have a monopoly on trained chefs, sexy sexy chefs.
>>44159957
>>44159964
The kingdom is India
>>44160008
well no shit sherlock.
>>44159401
The greatest sin one can commit on the island is adultery and fraud.
>>44159986
"Our spy birds report the square-wheeled skateboards are not catching on mi-lord!"says the chief Vizier over the Brothel/Restaurant table. "Do you have any spare pants by the way?"
>>44160036
The island has no jails or penal system in place beyond bloodsports and banishment. Minor crimes are punished with either, leading to population issues.
Women are trained from birth to be bisexual and trained in the art of sex and motherhood. They are also adept spies. Polygamy is legal with the normal family of one husband and ten wives.
>>44160101
>>44160101
>Their men are too feminine which is why most of their young womenfolk are forced to travel once in a while to get pregnant and bear a child. Surprisingly, most of the men in the kingdom have no problem rearing another men child.
Logistical nightmare right here.
>>44160101
So women are birds?
...Oh god, WOMEN ARE BIRDS.
>>44160053
''Did your mother never teach you to always bring a pair?'' The Spymaster General shakes his head. ''Our skateboard marketer was caught jaywalking and sent to the shark pits, a terrible tragedy.And my god, is this food awful''
The magical college on the island is world renowned and many on the island dream of joining it, though only a few do.
>>44160119
bro considering the other shit here my suggestion is mild at worst.
>>44160155
wrong guy mate.
The island is ruled by a pirate queen, a former slave who now preys on slavers and their ships, populating the island with the people freed from their holds.
>>44160185
Many other nations are outraged at this, as slavery is legal in most kingdoms, and the pirate queen is denounced as illegitimate.
>>44160185
However, she doesn't quite understand the difference between slavers and civilians, leading to more than a few misunderstandings
The Merfolk have an embassy and human/merfolk couples are not unusual on the island. Children usually take the best from both races though they produce few children of their own.
>>44160168
The Admiral of the Grand Fishing Fleet chips in "Yarr, it's better grub than on civvie street and you know it, and these women be fatter than the greatest sea whales."
A cake is brought out to the table and the men shriek with terror like girls. They all lock eyes with each other and blame the Fey, simultaneously changing their pants.
>>44160170
>defending the fact that you're trying to inject your retarded fetish shit
This guy.
>>44160212
However, due to her fierce reputation and ruthless tactics in battle, she is respected or at least feared enough to be left alone for the most part.
>>44159401
Black skinned males are strangely attracted to the kingdom with their blood sports and womenfolk in need of masculine men due to their local aryan male being too feminine, as stated before.
The generous welfare and healthcare is an added bonus. They are, as stated before, highly welcomed.
>>44160212
She takes this as a sign that she's doing something right.
>>44160185
The King is not married to the Queen, but lives in a tiny apartment, at Cobb's Close, Old Street, Slumtown. The divorce was hard on the king. People generally ignore him.
>>44160269
She's managed to build an alliance of non-slaver kingdoms, and city-states who are angry at the hegemony of the slaver states.
>>44160279
She dissolved the old advisory council when she became queen. Now there's just one desperate old man who sometimes yells 'NO!' at her ideas, just so she can be sure she's not doing something wrong.
>>44160274
FUCKING /D!
>>44159401
Many men will go onto liberations ships to hunt down slave fleets and return with the now freed slaves. Many men die in this endevor but it is seen as a righteous cause and the best are sung of in brothels across the island. The men and women have excellent sining voices.
>>44160274
Strangely the black men often do not stay long, as the birds have taken a strange- almost personal- disaffection towards them. Rumours say the queen is pregnant...
>>44160329
>She dissolved the old advisory council when she became queen. Now there's just one desperate old man who sometimes yells 'NO!' at her ideas, just so she can be sure she's not doing something wrong.
Already contradicted senpai, but the old man stays as Royal Adviser.
>>44160251
''I hear the King's been seen feeding the birds. Poor lad, it's been a tough few weeks for him. Good thing he had the other 8 wives to fall back on''
>>44160335
*Singing
>>44159401
there are many minor religions across the island and they are tolerated so long as they do not cause religious riots or attempt to overthrow the main religions of the two gods.
>>44160335
I think you've got /d/ confused with /pol/.
>>44160343
The Queen is the daughter of a dragon and a wizard, and while she appears to be pregnant she is actually withq a clutch of eggs.
However, recently, the doctors found a remedy to the male impotence problem
>>44160343
This is baseless, however, as the Queen is barren from her many torments and tortures during her time as a slave. Many think the inability for her to make an heir should be grounds for usurping.
>>44160390
at this point is there a difference?
>>44159401
the population is well educated and the skies are guarded by the White riders, grand wizards riding on Gryphons and are the elite of the elite in the islands army.
>>44160393
This was not known even to the King who just thought she was a glittery bitch.
>>44160379
"Eight wives? Last I heard he was referring to those birds as his wives." The Vizier stares glumly into his drink, "I suppose my wife will be off gallivanting again."
>>44160422
>This is baseless, however, as the Queen is barren from her many torments and tortures during her time as a slave. Many think the inability for her to make an heir should be grounds for usurping.
Beaten by eggman bro, there's a skateboard conciliation prize though.
>>44160422
Also goddess of fertility
>>44160440
"Gallivanting?" Scoffs the grizzled old general to his right, downing the rest of his drink before having a servant pour him another, "I keep my women in line by never marrying and letting them know exactly where they stand. Marriage makes a man soft. Weak. A man worth his salt speaks with the strength in his arm and the gyrations of his pelvis." He chuckles at this, the redness of inebriation creeping across is face.
Bastards are considered abominations and many are given to the Merfolk, who in turn raise the bastards in their homes. This results in these bastards being the the most efficient and valued members of the community.
>>44160503
"You're drunk Sir! And speaking like a filthy mainlander! Our men stay pretty and our nails are the envy of the world. I shall write to the birds with my magic feather and tell them another person wants to feed them!"
A man in the corner, a dazzling affair of pink, purple and green- with fabulous nails- laughs and plays an incredible ditty on his panpipes- drawing the sound tenderly from the instrument with deft sniffs of his nose.
>>44160440
''Ah, chin up mate'' The Admiral butted in once more, a mysterious looking vial in his hand. ''Them thar docs says that this concotion'll put the salt back into yer sailboat, if ye catch m'drift''
>>44160540
Merfolk, being physically weaker than humans, often employ these bastard children for manual labor. They are often paid handsomely for their services, as they can do the work of two or three mermen at a time.
>>44160540
With the amount of kekholding we have in this kingdom, like 99% of people are bastards
The city guard is the complete opposite of normal men. Tough, strong and a lover of violence, their training regiment has a 87% fatality rate and those who go through these emerge different men. Strangely there is almost no reports of brutality and abuse of authority from these men upon anyone.
>>44160572
"Do I smell cinnamon?!" A great fat woman cries, and the entire brothel goes silent...
>>44160602
Some argue that their strange ornate armor is evidence of magical enchantment. Others say it's evidence of quite a large military budget. Either way, for some reason they avoid the sea and coast.
Lying is an art on the island, though only used on the mainlanders.
>>44160604
''Youse yellow-bellied landlubbers en't nothin' but a bunch o' cowards, I say!'' He exclaimed, downing the vial in one swift swig.
This shit writes itself.
>>44159827
>POL
Nigger
The Queen has three children and has taken her only son as her lover.
The age of consent on the island is 16 years old but the norm is 18 years of age.
>>44160602
There may be no official reports, but there have been whisperings that you wouldn't want to be caught on a skateboard near by them...
>>44160643
As the Admiral downs the suspiciously cinnamon vial- the brothel quickly empties. I say quickly but a couple of times the women got stuck in doorways and had to be pushed but they definitely left.
The only people left were the Vizier, the Admiral, the Spymaster and the Musician. All eyes were on the slightly peppery Admiral...
>>44159401
The women in this kingdom are extraordinarily tall and strong while the men are boyish and waifish.
The official currency is the shekel, and the food most commonly associated with the kingdom is the kebab
>>44160676
The Queen has three children and has taken her only son as her lover.
While she appears to be pregnant she is actually withq a clutch of eggs.
Nein, but consent stays.
>>44160694
''Perhaps we should get help...'' The Spymaster muttered, glancing nervously at the exit as the Admiral began to sway. ''The city guard should be nearby...''
>>44160741
The Admiral begins to shake like a top as the Spymaster makes for the door. Suddenly there is a clunk-clunk-clunk sound as the shabby figure of the recently divorced King rides in with his square-wheeled skateboard. He is covered in birds....
>>44160729
no one said if she already had children, only that she appears to be pregnant.
>>44159401
Physical abuse from a husband to a wife is seen as wrong and a sign that the man is a failure for resorting to his fists and results in the man being castrated and thrown into the shark tank. IF the wife does it then she is subjected to magically forced weight loss and is sentenced to be the communal cum dump. Her features are also fixed to make her beautiful in order to enhance the punishment.
>>44160826
So she has dragon children?
>>44160602
It is strange but every men who entered the city guard of the island seems to vastly prefer the company of men than women.
The official standard uniform of the city guard is a skimpy red loincloth, a small wooden club and a pair of bronze nipple rings.
OP here. Abandoning thread. /d/ has dragged this thing into it's magical realm kicking and screaming. So long, /tg/, it was fun while it lasted.
>>44160857
half dragon.
>>44160890
What did you expect when you made this thread?
>>44160866
Uniform thing is incorrect and already been said that they wear shiny golden armor.
>>44160866
Ornate, armored loincloths and nipple rings?
>>44160625
>>44160890
Never been to /d/ but enjoy getting uncomfortable at anything tongue in cheek. Stay away from hitchhikers guide to the galaxy and princess bride and so on. You should probably avoid any fun at all costs.
Once every 19 years, there is a festival leading up to a game vaguely resembling gridiron football, but played by 30 feet tall steam powered constructs and lasting a week.
>>44160788
''M-my lord...'' The Spymaster stammers, bowing low to the King. Unfortunately, a glob of bird shit lands directly on his head. 'Stay strong, Ignby' He thought to himself. ''Don't let them see you cry...''
>>44160908
Half dragon half what? Diplomat?
>>44160916
>they wear shiny golden armor.
citation needed.
>>44160625
>ornate armor cannot be ornate nipple rings and loincloth despite loincloth protect private and the rings protect the nipples, both of the most important places for the city guards.
not incorrect, still viable.
>>44160968
Kekked.
"Why aren't you at your posts?!" mumbled the King. Absent-mindedly the King pulls a kipper from his pocket and chews on it, feeding the tail to his collection of strangely astute birds. "You're disturbing my wives with your noise now.."
The king's eyes widen as he sees the Admiral who is now...
>>44160951
>comparing /tg/ jacking off to fetishes to HGTG
>>44161072
Where is it fetishy you dirty old man?
>>44161038
...spinning around in a circle, his arms stretched out towards the sky. ''I CAN SMELL INDIGO'' he exclaims. Meanwhile, the Spymaster had wiped off his head and disguised a quick sob. ''My lord, we... we wanted to find you, to see if you were alright...''
>>44161112
>kekholding
>forced bisexuality
>harems
>gay guards
>pregnancy
>brothels
>sissification
>fat
If you don't see the fetishes, you may actually be blind.
>>44160973
half dragon half human asshat.
>>44161163
Well strike me down, I do feel silly now.
>>44161158
"Of course I'm alright, I am the King!" He shouted. "I have greater worries at the moment than a short split from my scaley cold blooded wife! The real question is why is the Admiral tunnelling into the roof like that?"
>>44161253
''It would seem that the so-called 'cure' to our... impotence has a few less than savory side effects.And, you know, you should really speak to the Queen. The children miss you.''
>>44161301
"Everytime I try to talk to the kids it's overseas border dispute this, I'm shedding my skin that! It's creepy and I hate it," pouted the King. Looking up at the Admiral he exclaimed "Look, you know our law you cinnamon criminal, you peppery pervert! It's banishment or the pits."
The favored food of everyone on the island is something outlawed alongside the already outlawed spices needed to make it.
>>44159457
The birds' young are called eaglets. Their true purpose is sinister.
>>44161433
>peppery pervert
kek
''But, sir, you know that the sharks have already been fed today. Besides, this man is a naval genius! Did you not see his outmanouevering of the slaver ships in the Geranian Straits?'' The Admiral suddenly stopped his spinning, now taking on a strangely rabbit-like demeanor. ''NUMNUMNUMNUMNUM''
>>44161540
"Look I know our legal system is flawed, and I am the King but its 2pm and I have a hangover. Guards! Drag this seasoned and salted sinner to the pits!" The King shouted as he slowly clunked from the brothel. Clunk, clunk, clunk.
>>44161611
''Vizier! We must help him!'' The Spymaster yelled, racking his brain for any semblance of a plan. Suddenly, it came to him. The birds.
''CA-CAW!'' He screeched at the top of his lungs, and was soon joined by the Admiral, who, in his delusional state, had begun to change his pants, but forgotten to finish. ''CA-CAW!''
hey guys can you resume all the thigs that your island have in?
>>44161693
The great white riders on their griphons circled closer but unfortunately decided against intervention being that Tikki'Bunga'Wunga's national antem is CAW CA repeated over several frantic verses.
>>44161839
''Gods damn it!'' He screamed, as the guards forced the Admiral out of the brothel. ''You'll get what's coming to you, each and every one of you!''
The Admiral, meanwhile, now believed he was a carrot.
>>44161888
I believe thats a good point to get some shuteye, if it's up in the morning I'd be amazed but til next time.
>>44161765
>>44161935
The kingdom produces salt in giant salt mines deep underground fueled by natural gas burning hot springs.
The island is just the feverish nightmare of a sick child with an uncaring mother and an abusive father.
There's a slide that runs from the king's bedroom to the see.
