What sorts of privileges does the king of the homeless have?
A network of hobo spies, stockpiles of drugs and alcohol in a storage unit.
The biggest shack in a shanty town.
>>43924987
White cis-male privilege, obviously.
He has more societal power than all women combined
Shares of whatever other hobos managed to beg during the day.
A home.
>>43924987
Fancy meeting you here.
>>43924987
+Respect from his subjects
+sweet shtanky runaway/homeless pussy
+first pickings through the trash
+plenty of bling that gets lost
+contacts everywhere from people who want to stay on his good side
+random acts of charity
+freedom
>>43924994
>A network of hobo spies
That is unironically pretty interesting. There could actually be a "king of the homeless" the local lords uses to spy on his enemies. Because seriously, who the fuck is going to suspect the beggar sitting across the street from the inn where you're plotting the assassination of the duke? Hell, they could even barge into your room yelling "CHAAAANGE?! YOU GOT CHAAAANGE?!" while spilling questionable substances all over your carefully composed blueprints and nobody would suspect it's anything other than a crazy homeless person.
Similar rights to the Emperor of the homeless, I expect.
http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emperor_Norton
In complete seriousness, this brings me back to my childhood. I've been drinking all night so my sentences are probably incoherent, but I'll try my best.
John Hodgman wrote a three book series, the first of which was The Area of My Expertise. Which deals extensively with the concept of HoboNobility, and how hobo social structure functions in a satirical manner. Look it up, listen, and get an idea behind what makes a hobo tick through the eyes of Joey Stink-Eye Smiles.
>>43924987
free of taxation
![portrait_de_napoleon_iii[1].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/jhdRsji.jpg "portrait_de_napoleon_iii[1].jpg")
>>43925030
>One popular story suggested he was the son of Emperor Napoleon III, and that his claim of coming from South Africa was a ruse to prevent persecution.[15][38] Another popular story suggested Norton was planning to marry Queen Victoria.
If only this were true and he succeeded. Imagine that, a world where the crowns of America, France and Britain are united. What would that newly born nation be called, other than "Overkill"?
>>43925060
It would go as all empires go, by attacking russia during the winter
![Vernet_-_La_prise_de_Malakoff[1].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/P6cPKlv.jpg "Vernet_-_La_prise_de_Malakoff[1].jpg")
>>43925078
>Napoleon III
Been there, done that, decided it was shit, gone home.
Hang on; this thread has happened before, hasn't it?
>>43925030
I felt his portrayal in Sandman was very touching.
>>43924987
>What sorts of privileges does the king of the homeless have?
He's the mayor of Cumberland, Maryland in some timelines.
>>43925348
Shhh, just let the gellar field fail. Let it happen.
+high tolerance of drugs
+10% tithe from all other area hobos
+a doorway
-dementia
-LOUD NOISES
The King of the Homeless can make his mighty throne appear wherever he so desires.
Of course, like all hobo magic, his powers are channeled by cheap booze. However to facilitate this, he has an aura of obfuscation that allow him to leave his shit wherever. It will be noticed, but nobody but him will dare picking it up again: passerbys think it is filthy and ridden with five kinds of exotic diseases, while other hobos know better.
They say after a fourth bottle of wine in the day, he can speak the language of all hobos at once. His power comes not from military might, but from unity.
>>43925457
I don't get it.
>>43925445
Sandman said he was a secret saint of the Jews, right?
>>43925348
Imagine how many people who posted on the original threads aren't posting on these.
>>43925540
Hobo king is the mayor of Cumberland in the webcomic Dr McNinja.
>>43925023
Except the people who know about hiring a king of the homeless to do shit.
That's the sort of thing that only works if there is one person hiring you, not an entire province worth of local lords.
Hang on; this thread has happened before, hasn't it?
>>43925078
Britain, France, and the US were all on fairly good terms with Russia in that point in history. If anything it would get dragged in to the Russian revolution on the side of the tsars. Having an actual competent military opposing them would make the Bolsheviks fold faster than counterfeit pokemon cards and prevent the entire Cold War.
Similar rights to the Emperor of the homeless, I expect.
http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emperor_Norton
>>43925844
I felt his portrayal in Sandman was very touching
Emperor Norton was the self-proclaimed Emperor of San-Francisco, and the United States in general. He just went around, issuing demands that ranged from outlawing the word "Frisco" to the dissolution of the US Congress.
The Touch of Hooch
While many claim to be King of the Homeless, only the Touch of Hooch distinguishes the real one. Any vessel the King touches fills to the brim with hooch of his choice, which has allowed for the miracle of Hoochmas but also the Hoochday Massacre in the past.
>>43925540
Death just said that he was a geniuinely good person. That is enough
>>43925733
Imagine how many people who posted on the original threads aren't posting on these.
Similar rights to the Emperor of the homeless, I expect.
http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emperor_Norton
>>43925971
I felt his portrayal in Sandman was very touching.
>>43924997
Lgbt people are disproportionately homeless.....
>>43925987
That's usually temporary homelessness, and crashing at a friend's or understanding relative's place isn't the same as being out on the street.
Hang on; this thread has happened before, hasn't it?
>>43926013
I felt the portrayal of this thread before was very touching
>>43925987
Similar rights to the lgbt Emperor, I expect.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/LGBT_history_in_China
>>43926090
I feel their portrayal in the Sandman was very LGBT
>>43926118
That's usually temporary touching. And understanding relative crashing on the street I expect how many LGBT who posted on the original threads aren't posting in these.
>>43924987
There was a RL guy who had that title. Was very well known in a bigger american city. Made up his own currency and basically got to eat for free at some restaurants and was generally well respected and regarded as some kind of mascot.
>>43926415
The entire city turned out for his funeral.
It was very touching.
>>43926415
That's Norton I, Emperor of the United States.
>>43926605
I felt his portrayal in Sandman was very touching
>>43924987
Didn't Robin Williams play this in a movie once? Fisher King? He was a crazy hobo and wanted to bone some librarian or something. Some forever alone egghead shot up a bar and killed Robbin William's wife because a shitty radio host talked him into it, so the guy tried to get a homeless Robin Williams laid to repent. Then the Red Knight tried to kill him.
>>43925527
This gives me an idea for a homeless sorcerer whose magic only works when he's drunk.
>>43926008
Almost every homeless person is temporarily homeless. Most homeless people go from friend to friend. It's only the ones who've exhausted their supply of friends that wind up on the street
>>43926764
does his homelessness grant him his powers or is he just homeless because he's drunk all the time?
>>43926275
What the fuck are aliens synthesizing posts from random words & phrases in threads now
>>43926764
Sounds like Sixpack
>>43926816
I expect similar rights.
The LGBT youth disproportionately touching. LGBT isn't funny anymore guys. Norton what the fuck aliens. Emperor sorcerer killed Robin William's wife because there was a RL guy who had that title.
>>43925527
>>43926764
Sounds like a good fit for Unknown Armies, especially with Dipsomancers.
>>43925813
... Sure, let's ignore logistics.
Kingdom of loathing did it well in their clan dungeon.
http://kol(dot)coldfront.net/thekolwiki/index.php/Hodgman,_The_Hoboverlord
>>43926784
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7wqfcwgT0Ds
>>43924987
Doesn't get stabbed to death in his sleep for his clothes
>>43928370
I felt his portrayal in Sandman was very touching
>>43924987
>>43924994
In real life the gyppo clan chiefs generally tax beggars under their purview from 20-80% of their income, which is actually a quite substantial sum.
>>43924987
half-off subs every second monday
>>43928353
at that point in time with no feasible resistance other than a fairly weak german navy, the point would stand.
>>43924987
He's homeless.
>>43924987
He knows the Ways in the Undercity that have long since been lost, and the places the Forgotten go and the Lost are found.
The midnight shores in the impossible cavern with the ice waters where everything misplaced washes up in time from crown of kingdoms long dust to letters of love and even memories.
He may walk throughout the city unimpeded, and the city will hearken to him in a thousand thousand subtle forms.Even the Night Market's code will not bind him, and him Alone.
But as in all things, there is a price for such. Paid in part by being the King. The rest... well, that's a how shall I say? Royal Secret. Become King yourself if you really want to know. Just don't blame me afterwards.
>>43925957
He also features in the arc where Despair is having a contest with Dream for purposes that I forget. She tries to break people to the point of killing themselves, and Dream wants them to believe that living is worth living even though they have been broken. Despair gets really confused about how Norton can have so little and still be so happy, and ends up saying to Dream, after admitting to losing, that "his madness keeps him sane," which was also pretty touching.
>>43925023
Thats a concept in the elder scrolls games. The thieves guilds uses beggars and homeless as spies, because nobody pays attention to them.
>>43924987
Tithes from other hobos and the ability to sell "hobo insurance" (pay him an up-front fee, otherwise your shopfront will become the prime spot for all panhandlers and beggars to squat). Also, the ability to command an army of deranged people with terrible hygiene and a variety of communicable and lifestyle diseases.
>>43925987
Source on that claim?
>>43924987
The Fallen London/Sunless sea universe has a something like this with the Topsy King who is a king of the beggars that rules over a secret district built on londons rooftops.
>>43925813
Nationalism kicks in an it's over or crippled.
Either way, damn bad time for such a realm.
One of the penny arcade vidyas had Hobo as a class you could learn. You could coummand rats and inflict Hoboism as a condition on enemies, causing then t take damage over time, presumably from malnutrition and exposure. You could also rave at people to debuff them. In a previous game, hobos had their own scientists, who studied Urinology and Urinonomy, the study of peeing on things. One of the upgrades to your fist weapons was to dunk them in the platonic ideal of urine, gaining massive poison damage.
Presumably a true Hobo King would have access to all of these abilities.
>>43925813
>prevent the Cold War
Yeah, because it's not like the Cold War is colder than ever or anything now that Soviet's fallen. The Cold War happened and is still happening because we have powerful geopolitical entities in for example Russia, NATO, and the U.S..
>>43930066
Go to your local hoboking in hoboken and ask them how many of them would suck a cock.
>>43930253
Is that genuine preference or desperation, though?
>>43924987
He has a home.
>>43930301
People who're desperate for cock usually have a preference for it.
>>43930332
He might best be described as King of the Houseless, rather than King of the Homeless, for to him the streets are as warm as a mother's bosom and as bountiful as a summer field, and the entire city is his home.
>>43930368
Ha ha. Desperate for money, obviously. If you haven't eaten in a week and someone offers you twenty bucks for a blowjob, do you say yes even though you don't like dick? How about if you haven't eaten in two weeks? Three?
>>43924987
Probably a vast network of intelligence, cover and potential assassins.
The only reason a king of the homeless would stay homeless is to stay off the radar. He knows everything the other hobos know. If he doesn't, he will get the information in hours. The hobos will say he is in places he isn't to cover his tracks. He can hide in any shack he wants.
Can anyone even recognise him from the other hobos? He probably changes his rags every day.
Only the hobos know who he really is.
He is the invisible king. A landless lord.
Piss him off and your last thought is "Why would that random hobo ever shank me?"
>>43930066
http://nationalhomeless.org/issues/lgbt/
>>43924994
>network of hobo spies
>implying hobos give half a fuck about a crazy homebum calling himself king
>>43930421
>The hobos will say he is in places he isn't to cover his tracks.
>I am Hobo Spartacus!
>No, I am Hobo Spartacus!
>>43930403
I'd still rather have a stray dog than a burger preceded by mayo-based appetizers.
>>43924987
watch some kusturica
>>43930421
Very few, powerful men even know for sure he is real.
The homeless conducting botched robberies isn't the newest thing. But what if they weren't all botched robberies, but covered up hired or political kills?
People stay away from the homeless now regardless. They're more feared than the king's personal guard. Only the church goes within spitting distance of them on a regular basis to provide aid and temporary shelter.
Unsurpisingly, after the rumours of the landless lord started the opposition to church has fallen knee first into blood. Many without home have converted to higher faith, too.are religious hobo assassins, campaign material?
>>43930461
kek
>>43930403
>tfw you will never take in a homeless trap.
>he will never suck you off in order to earn each meal.
>>43930626
Does anybody have that one screencap from /g/?
The one about rich NEET adopting poor NEET and making him his personal bitch.
When three homeless guys have a single kidney bean between them that they must comically split, the King of the Homeless is the one with the honor of doing that comical splitting.
>>43930626
It's pretty sad that you have to fantasize about fucking a prostitute in order to get off.
>>43930570
>are religious hobo assassins, campaign material?
Gonna need some damn good reason for why they aren't just rounded up and executed.
>>43930671
>My lord, my flock of rats escaped its cardboard box and mingled with the flock of my neighbor under the bridge. These rats are my only source of meat, and I must have them back, but we cannot tell which rats are whose!
I can kind of picture the King of the Hobos enacting a Code of Hoborabi and scratching it into the pillar of a public monument somewhere.
>>43930733
who would believe all the hobos suddenly became assassins for the church and the hobo king
>>43930733
Because European Union likes to have higher moral ground.
>>43930829
Most, after a few first hobo assassins have done their work in the name of their religion. It's not like it's ever been difficult to blame shit on homeless people either.
The hottest and sweetest piece of ass in all of hobo town
You can bet she'll have the most teeth among all the hobettes.
>>43925927
And protectorate of Mexico
>>43925044
Man, homeless emperor was pretty sweet
>>43925078
Except, you know, the Mongols, who did exactly that so they could use frozen rivers as highways.
The ability to walk in dangerous areas without injury. Knowledge of where to find food and shelter in seemingly barren areas. Communication and protection with generally dangerous beings. Disregard for the values and rules of most of civilisation.
The Keys to the Underways and loyalty of the Seidwalkers.
>>43934322
So... Urban druid?
>>43926527
I felt his portrayal in Sandman was very touching
>>43924987
He expected similar rights.
>>43924987
If the king of the homeless ever does the Funny Chicken Dance in silence and then claps three times while saying the words 'all are one', all the hobos in the world will suddenly vanish, like a Rapture, save the lone hobo king.
He will then morph into an otherworldly hive mind of all the hobos consumed in the rite, howl an unspeakable word that rends the heavens, and crawl to the nearest fast-food restaurant to devour all within, prioritizing McDonalds.
Thus begins Hobogeddon.
What would the God of the Homeless be like? Presumably He would also be homeless.
>>43940763
>The celebrations are literally whatever the dudes make up so much as it suits everyone.
>A common holiday is the Hat Game, where every hobo, by hook or crook, obtains the most magnificent hat they can find.
>Stealing or damaging other hobos' hats gets you disqualified if you're caught.
>>43924987
A fancy hat.
>>43924994
>>43925023
>>43929949
Like the court of miracles in the Hunchback of Notre Dame?
>>43925348
It wasn't funny the first time, it isn't funny now. I wonder if it's just one person trying to push it again.
>>43929641
You are a wonderful storyteller, and I am now desperate to hear more.
>>43926996
>>43940763
What would a Paladin of the God of Homelessness be like?
>>43945136
Smelly
>>43945136
He'd probably do a lot of piecemeal charity and symbolic gestures like washing feet. But he'll oppose the kind of social reform that would end homelessness because he would no longer be allowed to play the saint.
>>43940763
The king of the homeless is like a normal person.
>>43924987
His WOLF.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5gwhHCtPZpc&t=7m28s
>>43946464
Skip to 7m 28s. I forgot for a moment that 4chan is garbage.
>>43930769
>I can kind of picture the King of the Hobos enacting a Code of Hoborabi and scratching it into the pillar of a public monument somewhere.
Scratched into the foundation of the Third Street Bridge, obviously.
>>43930154
Poor guy. You'd think that gambling your soul away would be troubling, but when playing a game of that calibre, soul is the least of your wories.
