>You find a beautiful pouch containing 409 finely wrought lock-picks
>>43799103
I shove them all up my ass, one by one.
>>43799103
I destroy them for being unlawful tools of a heathen god. Re-purpose the metal into holy symbols. Offer the prfits as a donation to the local orphanage in order to gain access. detect evil and smite any offenders to the goddess. take back donation as "protection tax". thank godess of law for making this all perfectly legal
>>43799159
Itt locksmiths are evil
Stay locked out of anything you lost the key to, paladipshits
>>43799103
409? That seems frankly unnecessary. I take the most adaptable/commonly useful ones and slowly sell the rest.
After checking them for magic, of course.
>>43799103
Scan for any magic on them. This odd number sure means something.
>>43799159
>The locksmith returns to find his life's work is destroyed
>he changes his sign the next day to remove the "locks unlocked" part of his services
>>43799435
>if the goddess meant for us to enter these places then she would have given us the keys
>>43799103
Wait a fucking minute, those are daxophone bars!
Well, more like firewood if there's no daxophone around
I leave them there so the Dragonborn doesn't come and kill me for them. Also as a paladin I have no idea how to use them.
>>43799630
She did, be we so happened to lose them. Is it also a tenant of your goddess that something once lost can never be recovered?
>>43799103
I scoff and throw it out. You only really need two.
>>43799630
She blessed us with the ability to make our own keys
>>43799180
> smite lock
> cast protection from dipshits
Based paladin needs no locks or keys.
>>43799103
Oh, buddies. The places we'll go together...
>>43799103
I roll to seduce.
>>43799676
And thank you, anon, for that. I'd never heard of the daxophone before today.
I Pick my nose
>>43799142
I become serial killer that shoves a lockpick into every victim anus.
I become The Locksmith.
Oh boy, some thief must be really upset!
I head over to the THIEVES GUILD and let them know what I've found! Boy, I hope there's a reward!
>>43805085
I know you're upset by the concept of thieves guilds, but you're basically saying you'll head over to the mafia headquarters to return their cement mixer.
>>43805131
Look, it's their cement mixer. It'd be rude to steal it.
>>43805131
>I know you're upset by the concept of thieves guilds
You don't know any such thing. You see, anon, I was making a joke. The humor derives from the inherent silliness of the stated situation: that a group of criminals (like the mafia you mention) would have a known and openly-accessible gathering place, and moreso that I would somehow benefit from interacting with them.
Once you realize that not everyone on the Internet is trying to insult you or trying to start an argument, you might look at the world in a more positive light.
Have a good day!
>>43805152
Someone around here has been vocally upset by the concept of thieves guilds. And your post looked to be along the same lines.
![1324161334-half-diamond[1].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/Kv2FKF1.jpg "1324161334-half-diamond[1].jpg")
>>43799103
>mfw I'm a locksmith
>mfw I use the same pick for almost every job
>409 lock picks
>>43799103
Score.
I'm down to my last pick now and we haven't had a chance to go shopping or even time for me to just sit down and make some new ones.
>>43799103
Shiv the door on my way out
>>43805309
What are some of the crazy jobs you've gone on and do you enjoy your work?
>>43799103
Probably each one has a soul sealed inside of it. They collectively call themselves the Beach Boys. Their leader's name is Brian, but he prefers to go by the name 'Bubu.' They unlock a lot more than doors and chests when used...
>>43809008
>not the Breach boys
Missed opportunity.
>>43805070
Use them as urethral sounds, call yourself the cocksmith
>>43809762
I thought the cocksmith was the guy who picked locks by fucking them?
>>43799159
My next 5e character. A paladin who uses the knock spell, but calls it smite lock, and casts it by striking at the lock with his hammer spellcasting focus.
>>43799142
