I've tried to lurk, but it's just impossible so I'll just come out with a new thread.
How do I get into this giant niggas with big armors lore?
>>43702324
I know that there's an emperor and some "too much power to do anything" chaos gods. I wanna know more.
>>43702324
Essentially, the game and setting started as an over the top, too-ridiculous-for-mama wargame. Humankind ruled the galaxy but because of how fucked their dogma got, bureaucracy became so fucked there could be a whole planet making staples because some clerk was so sleep deprived that's the report he sent. Well, that clerk died shortly after that and no one noticed the difference so for 100 years that planet made staples until an inquisitor with a couple space marines came through thinking that it was a plan of the chaos god Tzeentch to disrupt the Imperium. It probablydefinitelywas. Those were the good days. Now, we can discuss what it has become.
>>43702377
Thanks.
More please
>>43702407
(if you don't want to type everything even a link is good)
>>43702324
The galaxy is fucking huge. There are a lot of alien races. Some are old. Some are new. Humanity was relatively new when compared to the others, but they had a pretty big advantage over the other races. First, they had a long period of technological development that allowed them to carve out a large chunk of the galaxy. This got fucked when they made a bunch of smart robots who started a war with them and separated the whole empire into countless separate planets, kingdoms and empires.
>>43702416
Nah, I'm bored in class.
Ok so now things get a little weirder. You see while there is this entire physical universe with all sorts of opportunity for awesome tech which some races capitalize on, there is an entire mirror world of magic, daemonicnever forget the a, niggaand emotional resonance - the Warp. You see one can describe the Warp as something cooked up by a cocaine addled HP Lovecraft managed by Ghengis Khan, the dude who dumped the West Nile virus into the Missisippi River, Howard Stern, and Light Yagami. These are the Dark Powers, which are the psychic emanations of every negative thought and terrible actions wrought by any race with a soul that mattered in the Galaxy.
>>43702464
The Warp has no real laws. Time flows however the hell it wants, nothing can truly die there because it never was and landscapes are constantly in flux. Some people can access the Warp and are called psykers. Basically, they are wizards. So a long ass time ago there were a shit load of these psykers on anceint Earth. They reached out into the Warp and saw the Chaos gods and realized the danger everyone was in. So, they had a massive mind-orgy and came together as the ONE THE ONLY......EMPRAH OF HUMANITY. Big E is and was the greatest psyker ever. He's big. He's tough. He can do pretty much anything. His roster of powers include
>mind reading
>teleportation
>charm
>sex godliness
>time stopping
>hurling small suns
>being a really bad daddy
>out drinking vikings
>doing shit better than you
>guiding people through the Warp
>illusions so he can appear as anything
>being fuckhuge
>anything else nerds want to wank to
For a long time, he subtly guided humanity as religous and political leaders. After humanity went to shit at the Dark Age of Tech, he revealed himself.
>>43702416
Will post more later travelling home from uni. If you want a wealth of resource for all the lore and races and shit just check out warhammer 40k wiki.
>>43702324
Buy him a drink first
>>43702525
7/10
>>43702522
Thanks. Why doesn't the emperor just go there and fuck up the gods?
I would like to interject here that it cannot be overstated how bad a dad big E was. Game of Thrones levels of bad dad.
Also http://wh40k.lexicanum.com/wiki/Main_Page is a good source for idly reading fun facts about the giant niggas in big armors setting.
>>43702515
Wait a minute.
On the wiki it says the emperor is just a giant potato battery that keeps FTL travelling fueled.
>>43702563
Because he dead. Well as good as.
But wait for anon to continue his storytime.
>>43702591
Allright, can't wait
This video explains things fairly well from a Space Marine perspective https://youtu.be/-MeVxKZBOfM we only regret is the total biscuit is involved with this video
OP here, reading the wiki. Would have never thought that studying latin would have come in handy this way.
>>43702598
Alright, I'm back.
So Big E decides the hoomans are too stupid to think for themselves and that he has a better way. In all hoensty, if GW writers weren't forced to make the ending grimderp, the EMPRAH'S plan would have worked out pretty sweetly. However, GW did not do that and made the Emperor (supposedly the wisest being in existence with thousands of years of life experience and the ability to be basically all knowing and who was probably Jesus and Ghandi and the Buddha and your real dad) prone to some stupid decision making.
>>43703007
First thing he does is conquer TerraEarthwith a bunch of super soldiers he cooked up in his Himalayan Brave New World lab. As a note I'm a little shaky on the chronology of some of these upcoming events, but in all reality - does it fucking matter? No, the ending will still be the same so fat turds please shut your disgusting mouths that desperately want to correct me unless I'm so far gone it hurts. Even then, my version of the story will probably be better so just do us all a favor and keep the autism in check.
>>43703032
Anyway, so's about this time Big E is fucking up all the "techno barbarians" by waving his huge super soldier's cocks around helicopter dick style when he realizes, "Hey I can do better than these little shitsexact wording found in a holy scroll locked under the Golden Throne on Sacred Terra, don't ask for a source only Tzeentch and I know about it." So he shacks up with some smarties under the Himalayas again and gets to work creating his wonderful batch of children, the Primarchs. Each primarch was specially made from his own based DNA and was unique and perfect in a different way. There were 2021in all. When he finishes and they were just bebes, the Chaos Gods who had been pretty silent on the whole thing for a while get together and collectively scream, " nonononononono oh holy fuck, fuck that noise" and use their powers to snag them all right out from under his clutches and disperse them among the many scattered worlds of humanity. Each would be raised differently and usually in pretty shitty environments but grow up to be big and strong because they ate their vegetables.
Later on, I'll go through some of their stories but just read that shit yourself. While many of the really cool primarchs don't get a lot of light in the novels, I probably won't go over them too much and stick with main players. You know, the guys who must be ranted about or word raped in every favorite primarch thread.
>>43703071
Cool.
So Primarks are space marines or what they're called?
>>43703071
Emps walks in to the tank room with his glorious coffee and let's out a long fuuuuuuuuck at seeing his plans so disrupted, but hey life goes on you know. He still has the holy gene seed from the primarchs and a whole bunch of super soldiers in production based on these which will become the many legions of space marines. One for every Primarch. First thing he does is go and conquer the moon. Pretty easy. After that he goes on to conquer all the nerds living on Mars. Now, let me explain. You are a nerd. You do nerdly things. You go on /tg/. Yet, you have no idea the amount of pocket protectors, modeling glue, paints, and dice were to be found on Mars. These geeks were so into tech that they actually worshipped it and believed in the Omnissah, the machine god. Well, teh EMPRAH rolls through Mars with his band of mega jocks and like a game of quartz parchment shears jock beats nerd. Yet, he sees great potential in the technological prowess of the machine cult and wows them with his even greater knowledge of machines. This was really impressive because at this time the Mechanicus had a lot of really awesome mech legionsgundamsand other stuff leftover from the Dark Ages. There was so much cool shit and so much shit lost that they didn't even know how it worked, but somehow the Emperor did. So they drew the only logical conclusion that Big E was also the Omnissah and naturally joined forces. Didn't have much choice, but then again no one did. They sign a treaty and agree that while they would join the big guy's empire they'd get to run their own shit. Thus, the Imperium of Man begins.
>>43703096
Primarchs, you fucking plebian, primarchs! I'll get into it later but no. They are pretty much demigods whereas spess muhreens are like juiced up halo spartans.
>>43703112
what if I typeEKSTERMINATOOS
>>43703112
Ok, EMPRAH has to go round up the human worlds under his domain so they can rule the galaxy and one day eliminate the Chaos gods by replacing religion and the foolish emotions that created these dark entities with science, fuck you do what I say and maybe some well-deserved hugs. "First things first, I should probably find my kids." Well he's got no idea where they're off playing and the galaxy is a pretty big park. First one he finds is Horus who would go on to be his favorite sonkek. Horus was smart and strong and overall seemed like a keeper. He gave control of the legion of space knights created from his genes and said go conquer some shit for me. If the bitches on the planet don't like it, make them. They have to like it and do shit my way because father knows best. After this, the rest of the primarchs are found and given control of their legion in this order. Bear in mind, he usually had to beat them in some stupid contest first.
>>43703173
Wait are they space Knights or space Marines? I am confused.
>>43703173
There's one thing I don't get.
Is this all from novels and RPG lore?
>>43703173
>Leman Russ
>the space viking idiot who will go on to do some really, really stupid stuff because GW
>personally I like think wolves are cool but fuck Russ
>Born on a snowy planet filled with semi-intelligent wolves he gets raised Mowgli style
>beaten in several contests in front of his not-vikings culminating in a drinking contest
>>43703180
same shit
>>43703182
It's from everything, you turd. GW writes a lot. It's not always consistent and a lot of it is crap but still canon. If you ever DM the setting, bare in mind that you are God and can change things as you like them.
>>43703182
Can Space Marines/Knights/Primarchs/whatever actually wear off their armor or are they built into it with assembled cyberorgans?
>>43703192
>Ferrus Manus
>in my opinion generally uninteresting
>he really liked tech
>like really liked it
>He had arms made of sweet, sweet necrodermis
>hated them for some reason
>later becomes friends with Fulgrimkek
>builds a sweet hammer
>leader of the Iron Hands
>>43703196
Anyone can wear power armor. Space marines just have special implants that syncs their nerves with it so they can wear it better. It can be removed.
Seriously, there are wikis aplenty, youtube vids, 1d4chan, sourcebooks, etc. admittedly, this guy is doing a decent job, but check the various resources freely available before asking stupid questions.
Quickly, from where the guy was-
>Emprah starts crusading to both unite humanity and find his sons
>first one was horus, a pretty cool guy who was made general
>200~ years later, emps has found 18 of his kids, conquered huge swathes of the galaxy, and united a most of humanity
>The guy thinks he can starve chaos and the warp by denying religion to the masses
>eventually, one of his sons gets religious, and gets smacked down. This is Lorgar the Traitor
>After a while, lorgar corrupts horus and half his brothers and they take up arms against their dad
>everything becomes shit forever, marines are raping and killing across the galaxy
>Horus nearly kills his dad but gets annihilated completely
>emps is strapped to the golden throne, a life support chair which guides humanity's FTL
>setting slowly gets more grim and derp over 10000 years
>all the primarchs are dead, traitors or 'missing'
>>43703209
>Fulgrim
>Pretty boy autist who looks good in purple
> good at sword fighting
>leader of the Emperor's Children legionkek
>Vulkan
>the only negro in the setting and one of the few near ubiquitously liked primarchs
>grows up playing a perpetual game of man on lava
>really good at making cool stuff
> also one of the only primarchs to give a flying fuck about normal people
>leader of the Salamaders
>all of his SMs are also black but not really
>Rogal Dorn
>really good at building fortresses
>dick head
>hahahahahhahahahahhahahahahahaha it was the bomb all along
>>43703220
I like his storytelling and I want to show my desire to know more via stupid questions
>>43703220
Dude, I'm bored and procrastinating let me do my shit.
>Roboute Guilliman
>best primarch ever
>best space marine legions ever
>had good experiences growing up
>was not touched in bad places
>leader of the ultramarins
>Magnus the Red
>second greatest human psyker
>was red
>had a legion of pussies who were getting warped into some bad shit because there's reasons you don't fuck with the Warp
>really fond of dogs
>leader of Thousand Sons
>provided us with Ahriman which is good and according to plan
>Sanguinus
>had wings
>really liked his dad
>taught his kids to read Twilight and they decided drinking blodd was in style
>leader of Blood Angels
>Lion El' Johnson
>massive prick
>really good commander
>conquers a lot of stuff
>Leader of Dark Angels
>beats up Russ once
>shit was cash
>Perturabo
>big motherfucker
>never wanted to break anything
>probably the most artistically gifted of the primarchs
>no body wants to look at his stupid paintings
>savant rage
>has problems governing his world
>leader of Iron Warriors who learn how to seige stuff
>pretty much only gets the shittiest of jobs
>has problems
>poor Perty he only wanted to make good stuff in his lab
>kills a fuck load of people who rebelled on his homeworld because he was the only one to have this problem
>will show them later
>
>>43703265
I don't get it but I'm giggling hard
>>43703265
>Mortarion
>grew up with a really bad cough
>his world is filled with constant plague and sickness
>warning signs maybe?!?!?!
>Leader of the Death guard
>Lorgar
>the Evangelic priest of the bunch
>he likes religion
>like really really likes it
>Preaches to conquered world that his daddy is their god
>problems happen
>he schemes with his body
>shit happens
>cries as he paints tats on his face
>fuck you whine some more
>leader of the Word Bearers
>Jaghatai Khan
>space Mongul but with bikes instead of horses
>pretty cool
>sweet ponytail
>leader of the White Scars
>Konrad Curze
>grows up on really shitty hive world with lots of crime
>decides fuck that
>becomes space Batman who never decided not to kill
>ends crime and rules hive world through fear
>begins to wear mascara
>becomes clinically depressed
>warning signs maybe?!?!?!?
>leader of the Night Lords
>Angron
>RAGAHAGHBLARGLBLARG
>really fucking angry
>grows up as a gladiator
>has implants in his head that make him really fucking angry
>warning signs maybe?!?!?!
>is later sad because he no want be angry
>Emps arrives on his planet in the middle of a huge battle between his gladiator friends and the natives
>despite allowing all the other warriors found on other planets with their primarchs to become SMs
>Emps abducts him and allows all the gladiators to be slaughtered
>Leader of the World Eaters
>Corax
>liked to fly
>that is all
>Alpharius Omegon
>actually 2 identical twins
>masters of hide and sneak
>like to trick people
>you are most likely one of them
>leaders of the Alpha Legion
>>43703274
Now if you were counting like the stupid cunt you are, you'd notice that 2 primarchs are missing. These are the lost primarchs. They exist so that when people make their own games out of the setting they can be added as your own head cannon or ignored all together. You can do your own shit with them. Otherwise, cannon never explains them and says they're ded, never found or found and killed. Their legions were absorbed into the others.
>>43703315
In the RPG I guess you play as small groups of SMs right?
I may want to run something, but now i'm from my mobile and no way to check rules and shit
What's a "Chapter"?
>>43703315
Ok so now we get into the part where GW starts going full retard. Essentially, the conquest of all the human worlds is almost done and Big E wants to start with his next arts and crafts project. He gathers his sons and tells them, "Little ones, I'm done with this shit. Why? Fuck you, don't talk to Daddy. I love Horus best so he gets to be in charge. Do what he says, he speaks with my voice. I'm going home to do something. What am I doing? Fuck you is what I'm doing now stop asking questions and get back to work." The EMPRAH was actually doing something pretty awesome that would make humanity even greater. You see to travel much faster than FTL one had to travel through the Warp. Now, this was generally somewhat dangerous as some nasty shit lived in there. Additionally, one could not be exactly sure how close they'd end up to their target and had to have a special mutant with them to do it all. Big E wanted to make it better. Since he could look into the Warp safely, he saw what the aliens were doing and wanted to copy their idea. You see there's this really big playable race of space elves called the Eldar that travel through the Warp using the Webway, a safe highway connected to real space at fixed points that carries far less risk of travelling through than traditional travel. Few facts about the Eldar
>ageless
>all psykers
>sort of good guys?
>dying off
>live in craftworlds (look that shit up if you want to know)
>literally fucked an evil god into existence
>provided us with many lewd stories thanks to Macha
>Eldrad is a dick
>>43703324
There are several RPGs where you can play as SMs, imperial guardsman, random other fucks solving mysteries, or random other fucks making money.
Check out
>Death Watch
>Only War
>Dark Heresy
>Rouge Trader
>>43703334
A group of space marines descending from the original huge legions
>legion = 100,000
>chapter = 1000
>>43703344
While Daddy is off doing who knows what, some of his sons are left a little directionless. The prime offender being Lorgar. Much like the American South without religion, he had nothing. Now despite the primarchs huge imprtance to the Imperium and due to the fact that the Emperor never took a management class which would have told him how important info sharing is, they are all blissfully ignorant of the Dark Powers and Chaos entirely. One can say that he did not tell them because he didn't want the knowledge of them to influence anyone in humanity, yet that made it really easy to influence them since they had no idea that bad things lived in the Warp at all. Fucking idiot. Anywho, one of Lorgar's captains has been a follower of Chaos for a while and following the will of Chaos pushes over the first domino. Lorgar enters the Warp and communes with the gods. Seeing how powerful and great they were and the fact that they would actually let him play with his bible, he decides they are a much better fit for humanity's worship. After this, he does some stupid shit that Horus should have been smart enough to see through but wasn't that tricked Horus into becoming Chaos fanboy #1.
>>43703360
Which one is the most casuul and phun for a group that hasnt played many RPGs?
>>43703384
Probably a good time to enlighten you about the fuckery that is Chaos so we'll start with my favorite god, Nurgle.
Nurgle is the lord of decay and disease and as entropy is one of the oldest forces in the universe so too is he the oldest god. Much like many people on this board, he's basically a fat fuck rotting away in a basement working on his favorite hobby. While your hobby is imagining games and painting shit, his is making exciting new diseases to fuck with mortals. Many people like to portray him as a loving grandfather like figure, and he is even often referred to as Grandfather Nurgle. Many people often mistake the affection he shows to some of his daemons and never ending dancing on the daemon world Bubonis as him being good yet misguided. That his plagues truly are gifts to free you from the mundane world and align you with the proper order of entropy with a smile. Yet this is simply not true, Nurgle is evil through and through and delights in causing pain and suffering. His daemons may be happy despite suffering but when suffering is all you've ever known, you get pretty used to it. Reasons why Nurgle is not a nice guy
>part of his realm is permanently reserved for those who have failed him or those who he thought it'd be funny to fuck with where they can never escape and drown in stagnant pools forever
>he keeps an Eldar goddess who despite popular belief is not his waifu and greatly enjoys tormenting her by testing diseases on captive Eldar souls
>he has legions and legions of plaguebearers who are doomed to endlessly count his plagues and inevitably get pointed and laughed at when they lose count and have to start over
Yet he gets plague marines so how can you not love him?
>>43703388
not too sure since I play the war game probably Rogue trader
>>43703428
forgot pic
>>43703428
Khorne is the lord of blood and war and has a creepy fetish for skulls. Arguably the most powerful of the gods due to the never ending war that feeds him daily. He is the second to be born. He revels in slaughter and used to care about honor and shit but now GW says he doesn't care as long as the blood flows. It is said that he sits upon an ever growing pile of skulls that appear under his bronze throne for every mortal slain by his followers or daemons. He's pretty fucking metal.
>>43703388
I'd say Death Watch (where you play as space marines). It's more "gamey" than the other ones and focuses more on being badass tacticool action heroes than roleplaying.
By that logic I guess Only War would work as well, but there's more room for roleplaying (and dying) as you're playing as normal human soldiers in it.
>>43703448
actually he's the first chaos god to be born. Re-read the RoC.
>>43703428
Actually he was born during the plague epidemics of the middle ages, he's the second oldest
>>43702324
Watch this series
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rR8Six9qpcA&list=PLyiDf91_bTEgnBN0jAvzNbqzrlMGID5WA
>>43703448
Tzeentch is the master of Just as Planned and probably responsible directly or indirectly for everything that has ever happened in the setting. It is said that he schemes so much that his plans sometimes contradict each other and could never fully be realized. If he did complete them, he'd be unravelled. His daemons are straight out of a Lovecraft novel and are constantly changing just as he is. Also, he probably has the coolest artwork.
>>43703457
>>43703463
Fuck I forgot they retconned that. I still think it's bullshit. Why when there has been so much war in shit in the galaxy pre-humanity that somehow the actions of one-relatively low psykic world spawned 2 gods? Also, why would Slaanesh who came from the height of the Eldar empire millions of years prior be the youngest? Also, how is war older than decay?
>>43703477
they are all already to exist but Nurgle is the first one awake
also warp have different time flow so we dont know who older than who
>>43703477
Lastly we have Slaanesh, the Prince of Pleasure and She Who Thirsts. So a long time ago the Eldar were the dominant race of the galaxy and since they had heightened senses, immortal life spans and a shit load of time on their hands; they begun to quest for stranger and stranger fetishes until they couldn't even get off with out a fistful of worms in the ass whilst sucking on the limp tentacle of every odd numbered octopus-like creature caught by only fisherman named Sal fapping to ultra violence inflicted upon children with no eyes. Despite all being psykers and probably having some idea that Chaos existed and drew power from actions and emotions of real space, they saw no problem with this and eventually Slaanesh screamed into existence tearing a massive hole real space connecting the Warp to it and fucking up a lot of shit. The first thing the new god did was to gobble up as many sweet, sweet eldar souls as it could and then shove them in his/her urethra whilst vore fapping with a spiked dildo up its ass. Slaanesh represents obsession, the highest exstasy of pleasure and obviously lust. Yet for whatever reason, her daemons are all ugly as fuck. They use Warp trickery into making you think they are the highest form of beauty while Slaanesh cries laughing and fingerbanging herself as it watches.
>>43703477
Also, just realized my last point about Slaany is retarded. Obviously, Eye of Terror came long after humans had reached the stars. When it opened it made warp travel impossible and separted all of humanity.
Any more specific questions OP
>>43703525
Ok so I'm getting a little bored of this so we'l jsut hit the fast and dirty.
Horus covertly rounds up the less than satisfied primarchs under his wing, converts them to Chaos and then doles out shenanigans to the rest of his brothers. Lorgar is already far fallen at this point. Angron is super angry with Daddy for numerous reasons and all that slaughter and bloodlust and angry seemed right up Khorne's alley - he falls. Fulgrim, not knowing about the dangers of Chaos, accidentily a daemon sword, gets possessed then overpowers the daemon. He becomes obsessed with beauty and perfection, falls to Slaanesh. Mortarion who had just been angsty and still getting over that bad cough we talked about gets stuck in the Warp and everyone in his fleet gets inflicted by a daemon plague from guess who. Sells their souls to save them from suffering, falls to Nurgle. Curze was already super depressed and in general fucked up, takes very little convincing. Perturabo being really sad and constantly picked by Dorn gets shown the only affection and understanding he had ever known from Horus. A pat on the shoulder and a "You're better than Dad, big guy" was all it took to convince him. he falls. Finally we get to the bestmost retardedstory of how a primarch fell. Also, Alpharion just fucks off to Chaos because hur durr Alphas always have plans and shit. Alphas fall?or are secretly the only chance we have against Chaos as they save us all
pic is of best playable race nigga look that shit up yourself if you want to know more necrons are the tits
>>43702583
He pretty much is. But he got fucked up by his son, Horus during the Horus Heresy and is pretty much just a psychic corpse powering a Warp Lighthouse at this point. I'll let the fun Anon describe it better when he gets there, but that's the short version.
>>43703591
Magnus being the glorious red nigger he is and being attuned with the Warp notices that somethings up. He discovers the whole plan and figures quite rationally, "Holy fuck, I need to tell the Emperor." However, Big E needed to be completely cut off from the outside world to make his Webway project work. So, Magnus knows that traditional messages won't make it in time or will be blocked by Horus so he does the only thing he can. he sends a massive psykic scream that breaches the Emperor's barrier and let's out a fuck load of demons and basically ruins the whole thing. Naturally, the Emperor is pretty pissed that all his hard work is for nothing and instead of asking, "Wow, what could have been so important that one of my sons who has been a huge asset to me in the past broke my only rule and fucked all this up?" he commands Horus to bring Magnus before him. Horus being the little dickens he was tells Russ who notoriously hates psykers and loves the Emperor that Dad is soooooo pissed. Go beat the shit out of Magnus. Russ sees absolutely no problem with this and takes his whole fleet to Magnus's homeworld and sodomizes the fuck out of his nerdy wizards. Desperate to save the knowledge on his world and his people, Magnus takes the first out offered to him by Tzeentch and despite originally trying to do right, falls.
>>43703630
Horus plays his next card at the world of Isstvan Some Fucking Roman Numeral where he gathers the non-traitor marines of his and many other legions and stages a massive ambush destroying much of humanity's army. In the proceeding cluster fuck these events occur:
>Fulgrim beheads his best friend Ferrus Manus and cums all over himself in exstasy doing so
>most of the Salamanders get fuuuuuuuucked up and die
>Angron rages himself into daemonhood with a helpful spell chanted by good ol' Lorgy
>lots more marines die
>I'm pretty sure Vulkan gets captured by Curze who proceeds to fuck with him for a few centuries
>>43703656
Mind you while all this is happening Chaos is spreading like wildfire through the Imperium and factions of every faction including the Imperial Guard and the Mechanicus are falling to Chaos. Hide yo' wife, hide yo' kids because they spawnin' daemons everywhere out here.
Finally all the forces of Chaos arrive at Terra to fight the Emperor and claim victory for the Most Glorious Did Nothing Wrong Chaos Gods. Fighting all over the planet yada yada, Sanguinus kills a massive greater daemon of Khorne and is super hurt. Emperor watches stoically in disbelief because how can his favorite son do this to him??? Finally decides that he should get off his fucking arse and step in and teleports aboard Horus's ship with his special totally-not-homoerotic marines, Rogal Dorn and Sanguinus. Chaos fuckery disrupts the teleportation and instead of beaming up to the bridge they get scattered across the ship. Horus finds a greatly wounded Sanguinus and being charged with Chaos power from all four gods makes quick work of him. The angel vampire does manage to make a chink in his power armor though. Finally, Big E finds Horus and they have an awesome anime style brawl each gradually increasing their power level because why would you fight full out while there's a massive planet spanning war happening below you for the fate of the galaxy? Horus is kicking Daddy's ass because he just can't rbing himself to really fight his fave son. Horus tears his shit up. Like really, really gets him good. Guy never shit solid crap again. EMPRAH is lying near death still thinking that any minute now Horus will say, "Dad I love you. Why are we fighting?" when some random, no-name marine walks in and gets mind flayed by Horus. So despite getting his ass kicked soundly by Horus, watching his son manipulate his brothers like puppets, and unravelling everything he had worked so hard for; this was the last straw!
>>43703265
>Magnus the Red
>really fond of dogs
Toppest of keks.
Seriously do shit the RedM. I shoot you with mind bullets.
>>43702464
>Nah, I'm bored in class.
Underage b&
>>43703715
Big E summons up all his power and blasts Horus in the little chink Sanguinus made and destorys him so thoroughly that even his soul is destoryed so that the Dark Powers cannot simply resurrect them. Finally, the forces of "good" save the day and all the baddies retreat through the Eye of Terror to nurse their sore assholes in the Warp. The Emperor is incredibly weak having been thrashed so soundly and then kamehameha waving Horus so badly even Slaanesh couldn't fap to the remainswell maybe just a little. He knows that without his psykic power humanity will be unable to travel the Warp safely and will become easy prey for Chaos. He instructs those nearest to him to take him to one of his pet projects "The Golden Throne" and strap him in so he can take a 10k year long nap.
Everything after that can be someone else's job to explain. In my opinion the only really good story is that of the Bird Cage. Fuck you, Dorn. In the modern era everything has gone to shit. Humanity conviently forgot everything about no religion and now violently worships Big E. Bureacracy became what I described early on, all tech has stagnated for fear of corruption by Chaos, orks are fucking everywhere dakkaing or choppaing. All the primarchs are daemons, dead, in stasis, or fucking around at their leisurecome back Vulkan!!!!Dark Eldar are fapping to your tears. Invincible space terminators are waking up from a 60 million year long cat nap. Chaos is still trying to finish what they started, and did I mention the unending legions of space bugs attempting to om nom the galaxy before fucking off to the next one? Good luck humanity. =D
>>43703770
Finally let's examine how retarded the whole Horus Heresy was point by point.
Firstly, why didn't the Emperor just give them the straight dope and explain to them that they should stay away from Chaos instead of just saying psykers are bad don't do it? They were all highly intelligent and were obviously targets for the Dark Gods. They'd been targets before.
Why didn't the he do anything at all to try and reconcile the many differences between his sons who he had planned on using to run his Imperium when they were done? It's not like he didn't know how much Perturabo was suffering and that Russ had violent tendancies and wanted to skullfuck Magnus.
Why didn't he just tell them about the Webway project so that so many of them didn't have to have even more abandoment issues? It would have cost him literally nothing and actually justified leaving them in the middle of the most massive war of all time. In fact, seeing as how he was fucking thousands and thousands of years old, why didn't he jsut wait until after the war was finished? One would think someone with that much life experience wouldn't be impatient.
Why the hell didn't he cut his losses with the primarchs that were obviosuly going to fall to Chaos? It's not like he couldn't have just made new ones! He didn't really have reason suspect Horus or Perturabo because he was a bad dad, but what about the others? Mortarion was raised on a damn plague world. That didn't scream Nurgle. Angron was literally incapable of anything but rage and he obviously didn't save his gladiator friends because they had already fallen to Khorne. So just let the bloodthirsty psychopath who now has even more reason to resent you lead an army of super soldiers and give them all the same implants. Lorgar was literally asking him to be god for him and was a psyker. The thought that he might find those 4 massive entities in the Warp for himself never crossed your all-knowing mind? Curze was just evil........
>>43703850
These and many other questions keep us nerds up at night, but the answer is simple. GW wanted to sell more novels and miniatures and had to eventually explain how 40k ended up being 40k. Mind you that before the Horus Heresy novels msot anything know by the fans was legend and conjecture. So instead of investing in decent story line, they copped out saying that the all-knowing, all-powerful Emperor made a serious of bad decisions....
Well, at least the tabletop is fun and if you can treat the game as it originally was - over-the-top and ridiculous. You can still have fun.
Good night everybody.
>>43703180
Space Marines are divided into different chapters that all have their own style and gimmick. Space Knights are just a name of a chapter of Space Marines. I know, a lot of them have stupid names.
>>43703850
>>Firstly, why didn't the Emperor just give them the straight dope and explain to them that they should stay away from Chaos
Because he wasn't ready to fight them. As soon as they learned about Chaos, they would join it. He didn't tell them to buy time.
You're assuming they all were victims of Chaos, but they all chose Chaos knowing the risks and outcome.
>>43703428
While you're hear explaining things, could you do a quick and dirty explanation of Eldar gods? What are they? I don't know jack about eldar and I keep hearing about them, I assumed they were C'tan or something they thought were something else.
>>43703726
What is college?
>>43704595
Not the same anon, but lemme tell you about C'Tan and the Eldar, 'cause they're not really the same.
You see, back before this whole shit with Emperor, Chaos etc - roughly 60 million years ago - there were the Old Ones, the Necrontyr and the C'Tan. They were pretty much first three races to exist. Old Ones were toadmen who ascended into pure Warp beings and spend their free time uplifting other species for shit and giggles. The Necrontyr were more "normal" species who had the misfortune to be born on a world where the sun was giving them cancer 24/7. they were dying quickly, so they asked Old Ones to give them immortality, because Old Ones did this kind of shit. The toadmen, however, said "lolnot", which understandably pissed Necrontyr off.
A short tangent, the C'Tan - they were basically gas being-thingies which fed on stars before Necrontyr found them, started to worship them as gods and gave them shells of Necrodermis, which is a metal which heals itself and allows for some cool shit. (not sure if it's still canon, I think it is...) The C'Tan then discovered that stars are yummy, but souls are even yummier, so when the Old Ones gave the middle finger to the Necrontyr, the C'Tan jumped in and said "yo guys, we can totally give you immortality if you serve us". Necrontyr went "man, cool" and the C'Tan proceeded to turn them into Necrodermis robots and eat their souls.
Then they went on to wage war against the Old Ones, because Necrontyr were still rather pissed with them and C'Tan wanted their sweet, sweet souls. The Old Ones were doing kinda badly, what with having no physical bodies and stuff, so they created two races to fight the war for them - the Eldar and the Orcs.
I'll continue later, 'cause word limit.
Thanks a lot, love you anon, gonna read all later
>>43703850
emps though chaos got power through worship and you cant worship a diety if you don't know it exist the problem was that chaos also gets a lot of power from emotions and actions.
>>43704850
To continue with >>43704813 - generally, the results of all of the above were thus:
>Old Ones get all/almost all killed
>Orks have no off switch, continue to carve a bloody path through the galaxy
>Necrons decide that "eternal servitute do star gods" is uncool, rebel, lock the C'Tan in prizon puzzle boxes a'la Hellraiser
>Necron Silent King (Emperor) decides that metal bodies aren't cool either, declares that all Necrons put themselves to sleep to wait for other sentient races to develop so that they can go full Body Snatchers on them. He sets their alarm clock to year 40K.
>Eldar inherit all the cool Old Ones' toys like Webway and Wraithbone (basically a do-all material)
>The Warp is so twisted and hurt by all those killings that it turns into evil version of itself. Chaos is born.
Now, Eldar gods (AKA, your actual question). They're either some leftover Old Ones who rebranded themselves or representations of Eldar emotions like Chaos gods. There's a venerable ton of them, but the basic ones are:
>Isha, goddess of life and mother of Eldar
>Asuryan, king of gods, sets down the ground rules
>Khaine, ETERNAL RAAAGE and god of war, has issues with Isha, trigger-happy
>Vaul, blacksmith, creator of cool stuff like Blackstone Fortresses (AKA Eldar Death Star Light), Eldar Vulkan
>Cegorach, joker, has his own cult, trickster, clown
But! Somewhere around M25 the Eldar grew so decadent and bored with existence their entire life was one orgy after another. This ended up tearing the Universe a new one (the Eye of Terror) and creating Slaanesh, who decided to eat all the gods. The only ones who survived (kinda) are:
>Isha, because Nurgle thinks she's his waifu and kidnapped her
>Khaine, because he's got shattered into bajilion pieces which can possess Eldar, turning them into Avatars
>Cegorach, because he ran off into the Webway and never came out of it.
>>43705088
And just to round off Eldar 101: After Slaanesh popped into existence, most Eldar got their souls eaten by hir. Those that survived were Eldar equivalent of prudes, who travelled on Craftworlds (mega-huge, sub-FTL city-ships) away from the heart of Eldar empire, as well as those Eldar who were in the Webway at the time and thus not in Slaanesh's range. The former kinda still mull around in their craftworlds, summoning Avatar of Khaine from time to time and slowly dying off, because good sex = Slaanesh rape, and the latter ended up banding together in Comorragh (a huge port city in Webway) and continuing in their pre-fall ways, meaning orgies, rape and slave-raiding.
Now, Slaanesh wants all Eldar souls, so the Eldar gotta deal with that. Craftworld Eldar use soulstones (Vaul's invention) which can keep their souls theirs. Dark Eldar, AKA Comorragh Eldar, found out that a tortured slave a day keeps the Slaanesh away, so they set off to do exactly this.
Generally, at this point both kinds are kind of dicks, only in different ways.
>>43705088
So we don't actually know what Eldar Gods are? Being Old Ones is just a guess? I always figured they were some other being masquerading as gods, but Old Ones didn't cross my mind. But thank you for the write up.
Also Necrons best faction.
>>43705199
You know, it's case of swiging canon. One time it's this way, the other time it's the other way... I'm pretty sure at some point there were speculations that Emps in an Old One.
And I do agree about the Necrons.
>>43705228
Ah yes. Glorious contradictory canon. I mostly run a lot of the RPG where I dm, so I cherry pick my lore and alter it a lot. Normally I would feel bad about it that, but it's what GW does to their own god damn IP, so I feel better.
For example, the largest change I made is that Kroot are Not! Aztec Lizardmen equivalent. While a cherry picked lore detail is that Machine Spirits are totally a thing and semi-quantifiable. Which I guess is debatable canon wise?
And I almost feel bad about liking Necron. They are so much cheese in the tabletop, so I've heard I feel guilty about being some kind of power gamer. But space terminator skeleton robot egyptians that are nigh immortal is just fascinating. Along with ancient space dust gods they keep as pets.
>>43705340
Original storyteller anon, back.
Never feel bad about liking necrons. They're cheese, but so what they're not tau. My favorite lore change that my PCs never seem to pick up on is that the Emperor really wants to die so he can realize the true potential of his mega soul as a Warp God. He realized his mistake immediately after entering the Golden Throne. After that Tzeentch basically made the entire Imperium his bitch.
>Tarots --> Tzeentch
>Feeding thousands of psyker souls to Big E every day -->Tzeentch laughing at their stupidity.
I also made this comic real headcanonwise.
>>43705929
OP back.
Where do orks come from? Is it coincidence that they are '800 like pirates?
Well, thanks to thsi thread i am now interested in 40k. Time to read everything i can on the wiki. And from what i've read about the Primarchs, i've really liked Leman Russ.
Also, the Necrons sound awesome. I'll read about them as soon as possible.
Thanks for everyone that replied, gonna download some manuals as soon as i get home.
Have a good night gentlemen
>>43706165
Dude, I cannot argue that he isn't cool. I can tell you he is retarded. Sorry for not being PC.
>>43706580
Yeah, he's pretty retarded. But i still think he is cool. I just finished reading about Fulgrim, going to Sanguinus. Of the Loyalists i've read 'til now , Ferrus is pretty much my favorite. Hell, still haven't read about Guilliman, however.
And PC is a cancer, fuck it.
>>43706372
If you're an rpg guy I highly recommend Rogue Trader. It let's you explore the universe (literally) and play with it without being a no name grunt cannon fodder soldier (Only War), a grimdark edgelord cultists (Black Crusade), a one dimensional super soldier simulator (Deathwatch), or working for someone infinitely more powerful while sucking at being Sherlock Holmes (Dark Heresy).
I don't think anyone mentioned Rogue Traders yet. But basically they have the authority to leave Imperial Space and do whatever the fuck they want as long as it gains territory, wealth, converts, etc for the Imperium. This includes dealing with xenos and heretics, which is normally a huge taboo.
Rogue Traders have this power because of their family's warrant of trade, which is a centuries old document that gives them these rights and is passed down the generations. Rogue Traders are stupidly powerful and wealthy, commanding small armies and buying whole planets, and sometimes working with xenos.
It's one part merchant prince, one part pirate, one part warlord, one part Conquistador, one part political intrigue, one part exploration, ten parts awesome.
>>43706165
I like Russ too. Unfortunately he is kind of an idiot and his Legion gets shit on here.
>>43706060
For where do Orks come from, see >>43704813. As for why they're so like '800's pirates, they're setting's comic relief, so the authors add various shout-outs with gusto, though I understand they were actually envisioned as parody of your stereotypical british football fan.
>>43706060
Like >>43704813 said, Orks were originally made by the Old Ones as a biological weapon against the Necrontyr. They are a race literally designed for war down to their DNA. Every Ork is genetically hardwired to live for fighting. It's the only thing they care about and the entirety of Ork culture-what little of it there is-is based around fighting, either themselves or each other they don't care.
Now Orks aren't actually animals, they're technically a mobile, humanoid type of fungus which means they reproduce by spores and are "born" as fully grown adults. These spores are extremely resilient and are given off in great numbers whenever an Ork dies. This makes an Ork infestation extremely hard to destroy since even if you manage to kill them the spores can lay dormant for decades before hatching into fully grow Orks ready to beat the shit out of you. Due to their resilience and ability to reproduce quickly, Orks can be found absolutely fucking everywhere. They are at the very least a constant nuisance to every single faction and region in the galaxy. The Old Ones were the only ones who knew how to turn the damn things off and without them or the Necrontyr around the Orks would have overrun the galaxy long ago if they could ever mange to unite long enough to do it. Luckily for everyone else, being made for war means they're rather dumb and have little inclination to follow orders form anyone except the biggest and the strongest. That being said they are not to be underestimated, just because they're dumb brutes doesn't meant they can't use tactics and strategy, they are made for fighting after all.
>>43702515
Didn't the psyker fusion thing got retconned?
>>43702416
just lurk 1d4chan bro, im not into all the book reading shit i just read 1d4chan
>>43703209
Ferrus Manus didn't make the hammer. Actually during a blacksmithing competition between Ferrus and Fulgrim, Ferrus made an elegant, graceful sword. Fulgrim made a big-damn hammer. They each gifted each other the weapon they made.
>>43703770
Don't forget that Vulkan is TRULY IMMORTAL(Like, you can vaporize the planet he's standing on, and he'll still live). His current status is being the captive of a Spooky Spess Skeleton Robot Kleptomaniac, and an exibit in the Ultimate Spooky Spess Skelyman MUSEUM OF HISTORY. He's still alive, and in stasis.
