Gather up, young 'uns! This here bunker be one that has been held by 'em keios peepul fer years, so high command says we can use it as our base of opereishuns. We just gotta make sure there be no more o' 'em enemies hiding in there, an' we can start makin' it a good place 'ta stay.
>>43669642
>stumbles out of the Chimera with a cup of tea and a Lho stick.
You're kidding, right mate? Surely there can't be more Heretics in there, what with that Lictor that was about.
Before Gary had his way with it that is.I'm actually on time for once. THE END IS NIGH
>>43669686
High command says we have 'ta trippel check it. Hidden rooms an' sorcireal things were the main concerning.
*Burbles grumpily as he comes out of a tent with something that looks like engine sludge in a cup.*
>>43669749
True enough lad, maybe we missed something, maybe a tank if we're really lucky.
If we're unlucky it'll be possessed or something.
>>43669754
>waves the Enginseer over.
Alright mate, enjoying, erm...whatever that is?
You know, guys, I've been wondering.
If the Tau are dumb herbivores scared of loud noises, why do we fight against them? They can't be that bad!
>>43669773
*Wanders over and saves his mechandrites in such a way as to communicate that his drink is mostly pleasing. Closer examination would reveal that it is actually re-caf, just some that looks as if the filter has never been changed.*
>>43669821Laughing_Veterans.archivefile
Did you read that in the Primer lad? Primer is good for a great many things, accurate assessments of the enemy strength isn't one of them.
>>43669822
>peers into the mug with a raised eyebrow.
You fancy trying some tea? We've got some fresh in there.
>jerks a thumb over his shoulder to indicate the Chimera.
Grrrah... more... ahhh... yeah....
Aw fuck! I always wake up before the good part...
*takes deep swig of hooch, busts out of flimsy shack wall*
What we doin' today?
>>43669913
Morning mate. Brass wants this place triple checked, it, -should- be an easy enough job that I can let the Rupert come down here and get some experience....but last time I said that we got jumped by a bloody Lictor.
Reminds me, you should see the Chirurgeon if you haven't already.
>>43669975
Mhh, alright... first need some recaf. Strong enough to melt nails.
Where's Rogan got to? He can check me out while I get my caf.
>>43669889
*Burbles in the negative, somehow willing the slightly viscous swill*
>>43670003*
*Offers some of his... "Re-caf"
>Jogs up, bright and cheerful
Nothing like a dawn run and recon. Nothing out of the ordinary. Though it's not like I need the workout for my legs anymore.
Anyone made breakfast?
>>43670003
Don't know where Rogan is, but there's a kettle of fresh water in the Chimera. -Strong- Caf is the....red tin with the black label, help yourself.
>drinks some of his tea, sighs happily.
>>43670024
*sniffs it*
Mmm! Thanks cogboy.
*adds a splash of rotgut to the steaming sludge*
Aaaah, that ain't bad.
>>43670055
Thanks pal, I'll get some if this mess ain't enough.
>>43670003
Eh? Didja call fer me? I was just loadin' me musket. I be comin' too.
>>43670046
We're about to stick some on, we've still got plenty of meat left from that animal Corporal Khat brought in.
There is however a kettle already boiled if you want Tea or Caf.
>>43670073
Not a problem mate, take as much as you need.
Beep boop?
>>43669889
But why would the glorius Imperium lie to us? Aren't we the best out there, protected by the Emperor at all times?
>>43670093
Yeah, need ya to patch me up some. I'm doing my job regardless though.
>>43670109
OH GOD GUYS WHAT THE HELL IS THAT THING?
I-Is it a flying skull?
>>43670151
>flies off to Gary the catachan and hides behind him
>>43670151
*disgusted glare*
You never seen a servo skull kid? Where in the warp are you from?
I swear, why do all these vaginas get sent here?
>>43670132
Hmm. Lemme see... Doesn't look too bad. You shoulda' seen me granddaughters grandson after 'e ran into 'is first night blighter... What did yer sky people call 'em, diimahns?
>>43670059
*Burbles affirmatively*
>>43670151
*Burbles confusedly as his twin plasma toting servo skulls fly about behind him*
>>43670112
Just because we're the best doesn't mean we're invincible lad. Sometimes all we can do is die standing.
>>43670151
>>43670160
Calm your tits lad, it's only a Servoskull.
>>43670175
Yeah this shit aint nothing. That Lictor was pretty weak from being stuck in there. Still, gotta keep my bod lookin pretty...
>>43670170
W-Well my mom told me that I should get out and do something instead of staying in her basement, watching animated series.
So I thought that I'd enlist, because the Guardsmans Adventures holovids looked super cool, and I'd make lots of friends while killing countless Xeno scum for our mighty Emperor. There's even a chance he'd manifest to thank me, just like in the series! Can you even imagine that?
But I never saw those creepy floating skulls on holovids. Where are the awesome mechanized suits that appeared in every episode?
*sudden warp portal*
*Get spat out from warp portal*
*covered in blood, guts, and a distinctive smell of incensce and pockets overlowing with weird looking herbs*
I'm back motherfuckers and aint nobody going to shut my face up anymore!
So what the fuck is y'all motherfuckers been doing?
JaaahhWHEEZY! JEAAH!!
>>43670211
Hmm. Let's see 'ere... Some herbs, a li'l bit o' this... Chemicull fingy an' sutures an' yer be fine in a few days.rolling for luck (very random herbs due to earlier roll plus Rogan doesn't know the difference between de-tox and radioactive sludge)
>>43670288
Heh heh heh... good ta see ya Kenny boy! How'd you get sucked into the warp? Better yet, how the fuck did you get out, and right here?
>>43670202
*looks at preatorian bro'
*carrying weird flags, strapped in emblems looking ancient, and each and every single spt where one could stick something, there's herbs pushing out*
>>43670321
Glory of the Emperor?
*shrugs*
That might explain getting out, getting in...
That's eh... Classified?
What the fuck is going on man?
I'm like, so pumped man, I've seen horrors you can't even IMAGINE
It was all so freaking, it was like, wow man.
I must have fought so many things there.
>>43670253
Mate, I think you've been duped a bit. We Guardsmen don't have a good lot in life.
>>43670288
>looks very confused, paused with his Lho stick half raised to his mouth.
Fuck me lad! Where you been?!
As for what you missed, Gary, our Enginseer and I fixed the Chimera after that bellend Stormie fucked it, we got some new guys, we got a couple tons of fresh meat, Gary killed a Lictor a kettle's boiled, get yourself some Caf and I've now got a Hellgun.
>>43670349
Now I'm getting suspicious. It's awesome and all that you fucked up some nasties, but not even the hardest motherfucker in the Guard oughta survive that. Who are you, really?
Then again, maybe you are extremely blessed and lucky, the hell do I know.
>>43670325
>investigates Kriegbro's collection of banners and insignia.
Where the buggery you get all that?If Kenneth has a Union Jack and an old Elizabeth Regina(ER) Cap Badge there I will giggle infinitely.
>>43670325
>>43670413
Yeah, I was about to ask...Lol same, even more if he's wearing a Medal of Honor or a Victoria Cross
Ah! The False Emperor's favourite Cannon Fodder!
I see why did we loose contact with this outpost now.
Hmm what's this, a penal regiment with no comissar around? Have you lot got tired of following the will of a corpse in a chair? Thinking on a change of heart?
>>43670370
The stormie's kill man.
I saved him from the horrors of the warp.By chopping off his head in deamonworld of khorne
Warp's amazing man, it's so horrifying I might enjoy it there.
You can't believe the amounts of horros I've had the pleasure of trying to kill.
It's countless deamons, hundreds after hundreds.
You can't believe how many things I think I killed!
Naturally, anyone see a guy with an inquisitor mark or that sister, tell me, I gotta hide all this shit I stole from somewhere.
>>43670400
I just went full blood raven and stole Emperor damned everything!
Do you know how much MURDER I got to do?
IN THE NAME OF THE EMPEROR *mumbles* prolly *coughs*
>>43670413
Stole it.
The warp is real strange y'know. I went to places unknown where people spoke low gothic, and and and, people weren't fighting all over, but there was this one world, it was like a mix of death world, agri world, and manufactorum, and like, there were so many people there, and some tried to seize me, and some ran off, and then there was so much fighting, and like, monuments, and like, so many everything.
*deep inhale*
*exhale*
I killed so many things dead!
>>43670437
Chill guys, chill, I went places, like, the warp wasn't even that bad, like, I think I travelled in the warp like?
How is that even possible?
I might have some heresy with me, God-Emperor only knows what kinds of heretics I've fought, but they met the Emperor's grace.
I murdered so many things man.Everything from Slayer band logos to Iron crosses, and glorious 7.62x39 bands as decorations
Rolled 74 (1d100)
>>43670291back, and the moment I got to my last post, I realized that I dun goofed again. Oh well, here goes
>>43670462
Well hot fucking damn why didn't you invite me you sumbitch? Next time, I'm going with ya, like it or not!
*fiddles with the 7.62x39s*
What you want for these?
>>43670457
Who the fuck are you to tell me what to do. Show yourself you scum sucking tuck-tail! Im gonna shove this bayonet in your bum.
>>43670480
Aaaah, that mess tickles, but it feels better. Thanks doc!
>>43670508
I like the spirit of this one, warrior hearted, Khorne would love it.
Patience, time will tell if you're worthy of even hearing my name, all you need to know now is that you might prove useful to my interests... and I may prove useful to yours.
>>43670462Sweet Jesus did Kenneth make a stop off in 'Nam to smoke weed with the Grunts? W-was his Gasmask the bong?
Did you have a run-in with some Chem Dogs or something? You're.....unusually talkative for a Krieger. That's a good thing mind you, but....I'm not sure how to deal with this.
Hm.....
>gestures to one of the flags, a capbadge and one of the medalsUnion Jack, ER Cap Badge and as Gary suggested, a VC if you please.....and maybe a Grenadier Guardsman's Bearskin Hat
I don't suppose I could convince you to part with those could I? They....call to me.A Lee-Enfield that fires Bolt Shells is something that NEEDS TO HAPPEN. Mad Minute with those things mang.
*Wanders out of his tent slightly smoking and carrying a new multi-las that may have started life as several regular las guns, clearly looking for someone to test it.*
>>43670543
All i want right now is your rickety arse bent over in front of me, so i can knife it. And tell this "Korn" to prepare his too. He sounds down right sissy.
>>43670580
Wazzat? Yer new weapon? Ain't one o' those sun weapons strong enuff for yer star people?
>>43670507
*hand goes into pocket*
*drop a crate of 7.62x39 belted*
Take as much as you need man.
I'ma burn some more of this incencse some guy who believed in the god emperor gave me. He went on and on about how "babylon" God-Emperor of mankind.
Shieeet.
You can't believe how fucking enlightened I've gotten.
Like, I know how to fix my lasgun nowadays!
>>43670546Kenneth ended up in yurop (france) circa 1940) warp fuckery made sure lol no aging. Kenneth went to nam, Korea, and even had fun with the skinnies in the mog.
The truth being Khorne succumbing to (the massive faggot) Tzeentch's idea of sending someone "loyal" to cause mayhem and death in a world far away.
I don't know man, I think I ran into this one regiment, but they seemed off, like some looter regiment like the chem dogs, but like, they had matching uniforms and gear, for the most part anyhow.
I was in jungles, deserts,cities, freezelands.
I fought so many heretics it hurts.
Which ones man? I got more of these than I need! I looted so many things man!post yfw you realize that kenneth ended up fighting for the nazis. And most likely tagged along with the janks after that
*rips off patch*
*the patch has /k/ on it*
This one was given to me as a guy who said he was a Kommando, we shared many intrests.
>>43670591
>Light laughter.
Enjoyable. I'll get directly to the point then, I do believe you lot have been tasked on clearing this temple of chaos infestation, aren't you? Of course, they always send the most untrust-worthy ones to tingle with Chaos.
I can help you with that, what if I told you there is a Thousand Sons temple deep underground, accessible only through that outpost's arcanum?
>>43670620
*Burbles a negative and hefts the gun and backpack which is made for someone other than a tech-priest*
>>43670622
Ooooh son... that's some shit right there...
*blinks upon seeing /k/ patch, twitches*
Did- did you remove kebab?
Why did I just say that? Nevermind, can I have that patch too?A magical place...
>>43670622
*Takes out a small wooden statue from a satchel on his wheelchair* Thank yer, Ol' Lady, for bringin' back one o' these lads, even as 'e ain't of me tribe. *puts the statue back*
>>43670628
If there are something to knife fight down there i don't i there are 10,000 of them or who their father is, they are getting shived. And i don't care what kind of sissy ass establishment is down there its gonna get melta'd they issued me extra, and i'll save one for you for not showing up right now.
>>43670670
*cough* Cyka Blyat *cough*
I've got a couple if you need some.Krieger sent to earth, doesn't age because lolwarpfuckery, removes Baguette, Removes Vodka, Removes Rice, Removes famine, removes kebab, removes pretty much everything that needed to be removed
>>43670692
*stares*
>>43670622>mfw a Krieger went to WWII and convinced the Wehrmacht to join the Allies and fight the SS.
>mfw the Praetorian version of Kenneth's Adventures happen.
That 3 coloured banner made out of crosses, that Cap Badge with "ER" on it and....that medal there.
>obviously points to a VC.
I simply must have them.
>Reappears with slices of peameal back bacon cut from the dead beast, fried in a pan.
This is some good fucking shit man...
What in the name of all that is bleeding holy...
What the fuck is going on?
>>43670720
Then have them man. They're mostly looted anyway.
>>43670732
*goes mute and stares*
>>43670739
>Stares back, Canadian bacon still sizzling
>>43670710
Excellent, you see I want this temple down as any... loyalist would, I had sent a couple of cultists a few hours ago through the sewers, but I had lost contact with them after they reported something about breaking into a secret an Ordo Xenos hideout.
You see, this temple holds a relic inside, in a mere mortal's hands it would just be an 8 pointed star trinket, but on a psyker, it would boost its skills greatly...
I may have answered Abbaddon's call, but I still have my own agenda, I'd rather have this relic destroyed than in one of my rival's hands.
I guess it's a win/win for both of us here, you get the fight of your life against rubric marines and probably a commendation for doing your job and I get the relic destroyed...
>>43670732
The hell did you get that? Toss some over here.
>>43670716
Yeah... yeah I'll have one...
What else you got?
>>43670716
What? Is there a night blighter unda me wheelchair? *tries to look underneath the wheelchair*
>>43670739
>gleefully chuckles, while he grabs the items and runs off to stash them in the Chimera with a abnormal grin.
>returns shortly after with more tea and a serious expression.
Right, being serious for a minute Kenneth, I trust you to not fuck me over, so I need a favour.GOD EMPEROR SAVE THE QUEEN INTENSIFIES.gif
>>43670796
Man, I don't know what the fuck it is with that shit he brought back, but something is just... right about it.
>>43670781Gary_with_Praetorian_Ensign.archivefile
I can already see this devolving into a trainwreck Gary. Wot do?
>>43670778
Well, there's still this huge dead animal over behind the tank. People generally go for the loin last, so I was able to get some good back bacon off it. Salt it a little and you've got a good enough facsimile.
Sure, have a slice. It's actually quite good. Shame I don't have a fried egg and bread to make a sandwich out of it.
>>43670765
>>43670765
*keeps on staring*
*link relatedhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gjInI_Lgpm4starts playing from within jacket*
>>43670781
*drops le RPK*
Eh, just this thing?
I guess these tiny bolts are fired from it, but I can't figure out how to load it...
>>43670788
*shakes head and averts eyes*
>>43670796
*chuckles* Anything man. I've been to hell and back, I can handle a favour.
>>43670833
>Slowly chews bacon. Adjusts bolter hanging at side. Offers the pan.
Do you... want any?
>>43670833
Oh well. *wheelchairs away humming happily*
>>43670861
*shrugs*
*grabs a bite of bacon*
*bows head*
>>43670812
I know. It's weird, but....it feels like, like this stuff belongs with us.
>>43670833
Short version is that with the Depot mostly cleared, I'm considering sending the Regimental Ensign down to get some combat experience. Said Ensign is a relation of mine.
Can I trust you to keep the poor Rupert safe mate? Gary already said he would be you can never be too sure.>I've been to hell and back, I can handle a favour.
Is Kenneth Audie fucking Murphy? IT MAKES SO MUCH SENSE.
>>43670833
Huh. It's some kinda stubber, magazine fed. Yeah, I'll take it...>mfw I can get an RPK here in America for $800
>>43670817
It all depends on her... if she's a serious charismatic semen demon like Operator Chan, nothing Gary can do about it...
>>43670894
I know... I'm gonna get that patch too...
*takes the 7th cavalry insignia*
Hehehehehe... any other Kriegsman and I'd say yeah absolutely. But I'm thinking ol Kenny is about as bad as I am...
*devilish grin*
>>43670827
Eh better than eating some of you later.
>>43670940
Dinner time? *crawls out of a box*
>>43670894He might be.
Eh, I don't know man, although, I DID bring a load of new toys with me...And I've been itching to see if they work here.
>>43670903>mfw hermano loco finlandeses, no armas.
I got some other toys with me anyway.
>Magical overcoat of krieg intensifies
>>43670957
Neigh! Get back in the box not time for you yet.
>>43670892
>Sees a 101st Airborne patch.
I have a strange compulsion to shave my head into a mohawk and jump out of aircraft again.
>Begins humming blood on the risers.
>>43670936
Suddenly I'm not so enthusiastic about this idea.....
Why did I decide to consider it again? Was I intoxicated or something?
>>43670972
We were dropped here in a box. Where were you?
>>43670969
Okay... *crawls back into box*
>>43671009
I used to jump out of shit for a living. But now I'm too heavy to slow down enough to live usually. Because of my robot limbs/organs.
>>43670975
Dunno pal... but the shave tail needs that experience, right?
>>43670967
Ohihoho... let's see what all you got in there... I'll help ya test em...Aye, is shame that you Finnbros can't have as many funs... I hate it for ya, and anyone really
Anyways, Sarge when are we gonna shiv some bitches?
>>43670972
>grins slightly
>starts singing "Gory goey what a hell'uva way to die...." under his breath.
>trudges out of tent, yawns
What's going on out here then?
>>43670967
>notices Kenneth and his pile of toys
...well this day's looking interesting already.
>>43671032>be bong>no handfuns>cry
>>43671038Gory gory* FUCK.
>>43671032
All I want is to make sure the the Ensign is not fucked.
This is why I asked the two most trustworthy people here....from my experience at least.
>>43671038
>Takes knife out and begins to shave the hair off the sides of his head. Voice cracking.
He was just a rookie trooper...
>>43671032
*pull out RPG-7 and Strela-2 from magical jacket of krieg*A strela-2 should be physically impossible to fit inside an overcoat, but hey, Krieger space magic.
I got these from a guy with a funny accent, sounded vostroyan, maybe a colony ship that went lost?
Anyway, the big one's for taking out flying things, the smaller one's for anything and everything.
>>43671090
All I'm saying is, we won't make advances... the rest is all on that sister of yours. Why, she been trying to get attention by taking scandalous dick?
>>43671079There there. One day soon stalkerbrit, you will have your problem solvahs
>>43671106
>pulls out a pack of Lho's and offers one to Rama.
And he surely shook with fright......
>>43671110
Ooooooh! Those fine ladies oughta take down some armor or flyers...
Anyone else need medicynical attenshun before we move out? If not, I be waitin' in me tent.
>>43671138
>Metal hand accidently crushes the lho stick but he still manages to get it to his quivering lip. Mumbles out some more lines before saying clearly,
,,,He ain't gonna jump no more.
Let's go kill something Colour Sargeant. Soon.
>>43671152
Uhh doc a chunk of my arm is missing. I think box guy took it.
>>43671150
*holds up RPG*
This one I named Natalya, after a uh... uh... I just call it Natalya because reasons okay?
*holds up Strela* And this one is Sasha, because she's big and very strong and ... Totally not related to ANY incident happening ever.
>>43671177
*grin* Seconded. Let's be gettin ready to saddle up.
G-g-g... GARRY OWEN!
>>43671195
Ain't one to question why a man names his weapons...
>>43671208
Dibs on the stubber.
>>43671127
W-what?! Of course not!
>actually looks like he was offended. Good Job!
I'm just saying that this is a Penal Regiment, jidt because the blokes we hang around with are decent doesn't mean they ALL are.
I mean shit, if you were attached to a Praetorian Regiment and the Platoon you're bunking with are fairly chill, it doesn't mean that NONE of them are stuck up either aye?
>>43671177
Don't worry Sergeant, we will. As soon as I get this issue resolved. It -hopefully- shouldn't take long.
>pulls out a gold plated Lighter and holds it to Rama's Lho.
>Clicks as he races to join up with the squad, looted Chainsword and stolen Laspistol in hand.
>>43671236
*Burbles doubtfully on the subject of if anyone in the regiment is actually all that trustworthy*
ehhhh. Did anyone remember to put promethium in the flamers? Sarge can i use one while carrying all the meltas?
>>43671219https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AkFqg5wAuFk&spfreload=10
Repeating it nonstop, don't know why
Yeah well, all my funs have a story for the name.
Either they remind me of someone like Natalya...
>>43671236
>>43671127
Hold up you cuntmunching fuckfaces, who in the fuck has a sister? And since when?
>>43671236
>Takes a long drag, blowing smoke over his metal lower jaw.
Thanks Colour Sergeant. I'm gonna, I dunno, clean my gun. Tell me when we move out.
Actually, Kenneth, have you got anything for me?
>>43671222
Ehhhh... alright, but just cause you don't have a rifle. *hands over RPK and ammo*
>>43671236
*throws up hands* Well? Young women tend to do that sorta thing, yknow? Just saying, I don't know that she is a dirt squirrel, but don't know she isn't either.
>>43671314
HAHAHAHA! Im gonna stab some poor grox turds with bullets!
>>43671192
A chunk o' yer arm, eh? Lemmesee... Nothin' too bad. Couple stiches, a lil' bandage an' yer will be just fine.
>>43671348
>Pulls out a leg made of wood, clicks several times, then pushes it towards the Field Chirurgeon.
>>43671280
Apparently Skelly does. And he wants to make sure she doesn't take a dick while she's here getting combat experience. So he's asking us to babysit her.
>>43671285
Lhos, many brands and flavors. From the pagan world which I presumably converted real good.
But you want, no you NEED something special, something MORE than just lhos, you need something from my pers- Eh everything's from my personal stash so that's not a good sales pitch, anyway, try this thing out.
*digs up fancy looking stubgun*
*actually is AA-12 fully automatic sjotgun with drum mags*
*Kenneth is /k/'s moist cosmoline dream*
I have no idea what this thing does, but pull the trigger and find out!
>>43671373
Oh hey cogboy! Could ya stick this augmetic eye in my head right quick? The other one might make some modifications I might not like...
>>43671348
Thank you Doc, dragging the stub is gonna be a bitch thoughpsst doc, got any chems?
>>43671379
>Slams the magazine in and fires two shells it at the side of the Chimera.
Huh, seems be a some kind of attempt at a guardsmen bolter. Looks like it fires little packets of flechettes too. Wonder if I could use it to rig my bolter up so the kick is a little better, or use it as an underslung shotgun.
It's incredible light though. If you had a second, I could easily use two of these like autopistols.
>>43671379
These lhos call out to me... *picks up white pack with red circle, reads "Lucky Strikes - it's toasted!"*
That shotgun though... I won't try and claim it though, unless no one else does...
>>43671403
>Clicks several times, grabs the augmetic eye, clicks a few more times, then puts glue on it before sticking it onto Gary's forehead.
>>43671285
We'll definetly be headed out shortly.
>>43671280
>>43671378
Look, I'll be blunter than Abaddon's arm stumps.
>covers his face with a gloved hand and loudly sighs.
If she does something herself, willingly, then don't bother that much.
If someone tries to rape her, or drug her, or all of the countless horrible fucking things that could very well happen in this bloody outfit. You kill them. SLOWLY. Can you two please, PLEASE do that?
>climbs onto the Chimera and turns to face the group.
Listen up you shits! If anyone needs any equipment brought down from orbit, tell me NOW! You've got five minutes 'til I cal the Valk' dirtside!
>>43671403
*Burbles grumpily, as if to say he can install things as requested*
>>43671467
Eyy techie boy!! Can you give me a giant metal arm like yours? If so please replace the grabby bits with a giant knife, and a tea maker!
>>43671474
I want my explosives please. And the shotty and a big knife.
>>43671378
Babysit a girl, and make sure she DOES NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, GET THE DICK?
IN A COMBAT SITUATION?
IN A MALE DOMINATED PENAL LEGION?
WHY THE FUCK IS THAT POOR GIRL EVEN IN A PENAL LEGION?
Fuck this shit, I'm going to get so high on this incensce that one faithful citizen of the emperor gave me *mumbles* while ranting about babylon, the rat race, something something ganja... and so on *coughs*
Seriously?
It's like sticking a single Repentia against an entire WAAAGH, it might sound hilarious but it will end in misery, tears, and death. Also possibly the loss of an imperial world but still!
I mean, I hope it won't end in misery tears and death for her but still.
Fuck this shit, I'm off to smoke insencse.
>>43671443
Glad you like it, I only got some funny looking bolts for it. Well, the funny part is in all the colors, but still.
>>43671445
How about something good for you my favourite jungleman?
Very good prices... no wait, I'm giving stuff for free. And I ran out of stuff I don't like that much... Sorry man, end of firesale.
>>43671474
Ooh... Now I get it...
*inhales smoke from gas mask intake vent converted into MAXIMUM EFFICIENCY BONG*
*coughs*
Shieeet
So, in theory, it's open season, just as long as one plays by the rules?
Welp, too bad my trigger finger's too itchy for her to grow a liking to anyone really.
*chuckles*
*covered in funny smelling smoke from "incencse" *
Hah haaa
*inhale*
Wheezy!
>>43671474
Oh well, duh! That kinda shit is fucked up... and just bring the usual shit we need. Ammo, medkits, rations, oh and that green jar in my bunk.
>>43671476
Well, he didn't really bother to connect the eye, so fine... give it a go... I really miss binocular vision after that Genestealer poked the other one.roll to see how good you can make the eye
Rolled 55 (1d100)
>>43671583
*Does his best to improve the eye, while actually installing it correctly.*
>>43671474
>>43671565
Oh shit, I forgot to mention, I need euhh, 'nades, lots of 'nades.
Like, so many frags&kraks that they can give, 'right?
*inhale*
*exhale*
Jee wheezy!
>>43671373
Eh? Woody leg? I think it won't work, Ol' Lady said I'd never get 'em back.
>>43671597
*Attempts to covertly hand a satchel full of grenades, but seeing as how he extended it on a fifteen foot mechanical limb it's pretty obvious*
>>43671565
Yeah man, glad he cleared it up. I though he was saying make damn sure her virtue is preserved as though she's a Sister of Battle...
Speaking of, where's Sis Theresia anyway?
>>43671560
Weapons and explosives for Guardsman Lim, check.
>>43671565
Hey it's not MY FUCKING FAULT.
Our Regiment got decimated and this Penal Regiment was the closest fucking one so they just stuck ALL of us here.
The Administratum doesn't care.
The Munitorum doesn't care. Nobody cares.
If I could I'd send her back to bloody Praetoria but guess what, WE'RE FUCKED.
>>43671597
Hands off krieg boy, the boom balls are mine!
>Walks up to the assembled crowd
Planet lag in the morning is the worst...
>>43671474
Hey, hey, wait a second. "Life is the Emperor's currency - spend it well." I believe Penal Legion policy advises chem-gelding and point duty for the attempt, summary execution if the fucko actually succeedes, somehow, in the face of a Catachan bodyguard.
Of course, there's nothing saying what condition you should leave them in, so if you break a few dozen bones and rupture a couple organs in the process of stopping them, that's fine..
>>43671596
Aaaaaah... about fucking time...
*blinks it, is fair quality, can see 20/20 in optic and thermal*
>>43671404
Ehh, I got me a lot 'o 'em khemi-culls. Stinky stuff. I use 'em only when I have no herbs.... Not that I understand yer sky people's "low goffik". So be my kvest, take some offa me!
>>43671645
>Clicks several times, then pulls out a hammer and wiggles the injector of his newly installed Medicae Mechadentrides.
Im going inside the chimera to nap now, wake me up when its time to go sarge.
>>43671617
*grabs grenades*
*nods to techpriest*
>>43671623
*flips off*
Y'all niggas living on shit I stole for y'all I need something for myself too cuntnugget.
>>43671621
Sounds like you need some "herbal" tea...
Chill Skelly, I got your back, and hers, I guess.
Blood for the bloo- Err...
May the God emperor's blessings protect you both!
>>43671620
I mean *inhales&exhales smoke* She was *cough* one fine piece of ASS. Y'knowhatI'msayin?
And like she *inhales&exhales smoke* she understood y'know?
>>43671669
Hihi! Super happy nap time.
>>43671683
You suck at using them.
>>43671683
You may be high as a kite, Kenny, but you're goddamn right Sis is a fine, tough hide... more interested in her than some classy little chick who I'd probably break. I mean, that'd be like performing heart surgery with my Fang here...
>>43671683
I think 'em boogeymen been whisperin' 'ta yer. Yer be actin' strange like that.
>>43671670
No need, it'll get better soon enough. Besides which, I'm still waiting for word back from the Inquisitor on what we found.
>Begins checking his dataslate
You, uh, able to make sense out of this? It's from the systems we found in that hellhole
>A series of encrypted cyphers are displayed on the dataslate
>>43671583
>>43671597
>>43671560
Personal Equipment for Guardsman Lim, Standard Issue Supplies for everyone and explosives for Kenneth. Check.
>The Colour Sergeant ducks into the rear hatch of the Chimera and busies himself on the Vox.
>Ducking back out several minutes later, he ignites a. Signal Flare and tosses it onto a patch of flat ground.
Valk arrives in 10 minutes! You'll me moving in once they offload the supplies!
>>43671683
>>43671729
*Burbles and nods in response to the comment about Sister Theresia*
Rolled 43 (1d100)
>>43671750
>Grabs the dataslate and begins pressing buttons on it.
>>43671779
*looks askance* Don't blame ya. But, wait, do you still have your dick and the ability to use it? Or do you have a metal one?
>>43671740
Quit your bullshit.
*inhales&exhales*
Aint nobody accusing me of skulls for the skull throne.
Bitch.
>>43671711
I gets what I need anyway, and besides, have you fought a deamonette while high as a kite and with nothing but a frag? Nigga that shit's advanced.
>>43671729
Man, she had that crazy shine in her eyes when I kinda gestured that I had to confess...
Holy shit, I thought she was about to burn me with that flamer of hers.
She understands man. *inhales&exhales smoke*
Like shit, I'd shoot myself in the nuts if she said so. Almost anyway.
>>43671779
See? Even the tinkery guy knows that she's one firm piece of ass.
>>43671822
Oooohh yeah... I ain't never seen a woman act that way that wasn't a Catachan. I tell ya boys, it ain't gonna be quiet when she and I are tearin it up...
>>43671822Forgot music:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HaVf_yrq6Q0
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qljm8Yyd8xU
Rolled 14 (1d100)
>>43671784
>Continues attempting to decrypt the Dataslate
>Clicks several times.
Rolled 6 (1d100)
>>43671816
*Burbles in the affirmative and nods then shakes his head no. Makes gestures as to the fineness of Sisters in general and how happy they are when the machine spirits in their armor are pleased.*
>>43671864
*Pokes the Dataslate to see if he can do it.*
>>43671851
Y'know, she reminds me of this one girl I met once.
No wait, that girl was...
Yeah....
*long exhale of smoke*
What that mean?
That mean that we don't give a fuck NIGGA.
*stares into the fray*
*still shrouded in smoke*
>>43671880
Heh heh heh... well I'll be a barking toad. Yeah, that flamer she gave me is... feisty somehow...
>>43671901
Hahahahahaha have a drink you silly bastard.
*shakes proffered canteen of rotgut*
>>43671916
*Nods, making flame motions and then expanding them and winking with his one human looking eye*
>>43671937
*winks back with bionic eye* Yep, the flesh is weak yet strong, amirite?
Or wait, are you telling me that there's female machine spirits?
>>43671977
>Clicks in annoyance, then stares at a Password screen on the Dataslate.
>>43671977
*Nods to the first comment, then pauses and looks about as if Gary just said something that shouldn't be said. Then shrugs and burbles an affirmative, but makes gestures across his neck with a mechadendrite while pointing vaguely in the sky*
>A Valkyrie bearing the insignia of Praetoria flies into the clearing and comes in to land on the marked LZ.
>The Door Gunners swiftly slide the requested equipment down the rear ramp, followed by a figure covered from neck to foot in Carapace Armour.
That'll be my ride chaps. Gary, Rama, you two are in charge while I'm airborne.
>Arthur runs over to the Valkyrie and briefly speaks to the new 'guest' then climbs into the Valkyrie as it takes off.AND SO BEGINS LETS NOT GET MOLESTED SIMULATOR 41K659
>>43671935
*whispers of multiple voices originating from the smoke*
"You know you'll break any time now. Just you wait and see"
*sounds of a long inhale&exhale"
*Cloud of smoke pushes trough the smokey shroud*
*hand emerges form the smoke to grab the bottle*
*the bottle and the hand temporarily dissappear whilst a few "gulp" sounds can be heard from inside the smoke*
*hand re-emerges with the bottle, handing it back*
>>43672009If you're trying to avoid getting violated, head to toe armour plating is a good place to start.
So... you want us to salute?
>>43671997
>>43672002
*smirks* Alright, guess we'll just leave it at that...
>>43672009
Alright, be safe up there skelly.
Soooo...
>>43672055
*step out of smoke cloud*
*smoke follows*
*run around for a bit, leaving a trail of smoke behind*
Man, I hate it when it does that. Gets lonely in there.
>>43672049
If you....insist, I suppose.
>>43672055
>looks around for a moment, then walks towards Gary and his 'group'.
Sergeant Gary, yes? I'm informed I bring 'gifts'. Basic supplies in the green crates, no extra lables. Explosives green crates, red warning labels. Guardsman Lim's personal equipment, blue crate with the orange label.
>nods at Gary and gestures to each stack of crates in turn.
>>43672083
Glad I didn't try whatever that shit is... though it might be an interesting in a brew...
>>43672147
*Burbles and approaches mostly because of the Carapace armor*
Rolled 96 (1d100)
>>43672163
>Absentmindedly follows the other Techpriest whilst fiddling with the dataslate yet again
>>43672147
Eheh. Yep. Thanks for bringing this junk down.
Did Skelly tell you to wear carapace? Guess it couldn't hurt.
Rolled 52 (1d100)
>>43672147
>open supply crate
Right, lets see what goodies we've got.rolling for quality of supplies
>>43672193
>The encoded dataslate gives up it's secrets, reveling the locations of three other "research stations" of the ordo xenos on Cadia. One is deep in chaos-held territory, all three are very far from the present location. No mention is made of what these other places were working on.
be back in a bit have to take care of some things
>>43672149
It's good shit man, anywhere you put it.
>>43672147
Eh wah gwan sistah?
We's here to keep you safe an ting an, we's gon make sure that no of that foul heresy stuff happen an ting an.
You brings us the good stuff? Nice! I and I be needing this gear rasta.
*walks over to red crates and picks some up*
*the crates dissappear within the makeshift smoke-screen. And as Kenneth appears again from within the smoke, three of the red-marked crates are gone*
>>43672163
>>43672193
Enginseers.
>nods to each Enginseer in turn.
>>43672203
Admittedly that was part of it, but the truth is I'm simply used to it.
Orks are complete idiots and even they can figure out that the, ahem....'wavy colur ting'...flying above our lines is good for morale. Or Colonel insisted his Command Squad wear Carapace because we, or I rather, carried the Standard.
>>43672279Our Colonel* Fuk.
>>43672265
>raises an Eyebrow at Kenneth's speech.
Erm, thank you? No thanks are needed?
Um......
Oh crap! Don't touch the tan case with the black markings. Just remembered.
>jogs over to the aforementioned case and kneels next to it.
Rolled 2 (1d100)
>>43672265
>Observes his fellow Kleptomaniac, attempting to detect the hidden explosives...
>>43672279
Heh. Well ain't you the high lady tina tiddly.
Alright, well, ain't much use for banners around here, so I guess just stay outta trouble, and grab a weapon when the rounds start flying. What are ya rated for?
>>43672342
*shouts from his box* My box is also off-limits!
>>43672342
Wha's innacrate soul sista?
Some no good good?
Or is is your underwear Ha haa rasta, it's cool, ras ras, I'm just joking. You's gon be one tough fightan sista in this regiment, we'z all badman here, we make you as bad an 'ard as we is an den we makes sure you gon praise da emperor an ting an
*still surrounded by smoke clouds mainly, guns and blades starting to stick out as the smoke slowly fades away*
>mfw
>>43672348
>Clicks several times as both of his mechanical eyes roll backwards before falling over from a 404.
>giggling to himself as he steps out of a portal
Why hello, friends! Sorry I couldn't get out of the bunker until now, I had some... things to finish up.
>>43672279
*Burbles an actual acknowledgement of her greeting before observing the make of her carapace armor, his mechanical eye clicking through several settings.*
>>43672403
*Hits the reset on his fellow Priest.*
>>43672443can someone give me a rundown of what's happened so far in the thread? I'm kinda busy so I can't read through it.
>>43672488Mostly just fucking about, got told we need to clear the bunker again. The colour sergeant got replaced by his sister, an ensign.
>>43672378
>>43672397
I'm proficient with Las weaponry, Bolt Pistols, Bolters, Powerfists and the more common swords, Chain, Powered and the like. Admittedly I'm better with a Powerfist and Bolter, but what would you suggest for fighting in the Depot Sergeant? You're the expert. I can get whatever you suggest from my case.
>>43672391
Erm...I shouldn't be concerned about the talking box right?
>>43672443Three Kleptomaniacs. One a Techpriest, one a bonged-up ordinary man, and another, a Totally Not Necron.
There ain't no hope now. Hammer as many bolts into thyself as thou can, 'fore nothing else is left save depression.
>>43672510
>produces a pistol sized gauss flayer
A gift for our newest member...
>>43672478
>Sparks several times, before standing back up, blankly staring forwards.
>>43672510
Gibbers? Nah, nevermind him.
Weapon? I don't care what you take, long as you can use it effectively.
does anyone remember what blueprints I gave who? I didn't bother keeping track. It's just not what Nyzart would do.
Rolled 16 (1d100)
>>43672589
Turns from the Ensigns carapace armor and burbles unhappily as he tries to bring back 9 from factory default settings*
I'm back, fuck you internet, I won the fight this time, you won't just not reconnect on me.
*sits down on the dirt, contemplating stuff and things*
>fiddles with his gauss flayer, which now has some sort of black rock suspended between the prongs on the barrel
Would anyone like some fancy new lasweapons? Fresh from the forgeworld!
>>43672478
>The armour appears similar in construction to the Carapace normally seen on Kasrkins, albeit with a different composition and more ornate finish
>>43672562
Most appreciated Enginseer
>accepts the weapon, hanging it from the rear of her beltkit.
>>43672595
Roger.
>opens the case, withdrawing a Powerfist and Bolter, along with ammo and grenades then closes it.
I'll ready as soon as I stow this case in the Chimera.
>>43672603I know you gave out at least two Blueprints. I also know that one of them was a Monolith 'STC' and that Arthur has it on his beltkit.
>>43672632
>Begins dancing on the spot
>>43672640
I haven't seen you before, who are you?
As the guardsman I had addressed to seems to be absent-minded now, I might as well adress you all at the same time, guardsmen.
>To the necron only
And infiltrators.
>Back to the main group.
I may have an use for you all.
Rolled 22 (1d100)
>>43672667
*Burbles happily at the construction of the power armor, but makes several notes on what could possibly be.. *upgraded**
>>43672707
*Burbles in confusion and contemplates leaving, but tires again.*
>>43672715
EH!?!
> puts on a necklace fashioned from some mysterious black substance, similar to the material that the Cadogan pylons are constructed from
>>43672739Cadian*
>>43672739
Don't think that will do you any help in the grounds you're standing at, Xeno.
>>43672640
>>43672711Just me, fucker name dissappeared.
*muffled moaning*
*rolling on the ground*
>>43672715
>blinks a few times and raises her free hand to rub her forehead.
Must be....imagining things.
>>43672729
>Stops dancing and does a 360-head spin before pulling out a monocle
"Well well innit a fine bright good ol' outing for some tea and crumpets, wot wot?"
>>43672800
I'm afraid you are not, my dear. Not that you should be surprised, given where you've just decided to camp and chat, this outpost was ours to begin with after all.
>begins passing out pylon necklaces
Quickly! Put these on! They should protect you from warp influences. Should...
>>43672800
*tosses sand at the new girl*
*muffled groans*
I KNOW YOU'RE HERE MOTHERFUCKER!!!
*more rolling around and painful muffled groans*
mfw I click "I'm not a robot"
>>43672264back
Say, Techpriest, any luck with those codes?
>>43672823
>>43672821
>>43672819
What the fuck is wrong with you people?! I don't hear a damn thing!
>>43672821
>hastily accepts one of he necklaces and slips it on
>>43672823
>recieves a handfull of sand to the face
Ach, hey, what as that for?
>looks over Kenneth.
You...alright mate?
>>43672823
"Well, well! Seems lik' an unfortunate twist and turn, innit? Lemme get your twist up and goin' well and fine, good man!"
>Begins brandishing the instruments of his medicae mechadentride
>>43672821
Do as you wish, my voice will still be transmited to this place. You've successfully removed many marks and idols, but you can't never fully take the taint of Chaos without pulling it out of its roots, which is, by the way, why I am talking to you on the first place.
Probably for the first time in your whole misserable lives, I'm here not to maim you but to help you.
Rolled 14 (1d100)
>>43672810
*Burbles and contemplates leaving even more... but tries one more time.*
>>43672800
*Burbles an affirmative and offers up some ear protection*
>>43672715
*peeks out of box to find the source of the voice*
>>43672897
>Falls over backwards and shuts off.
Rolled 32 (1d100)
>>43672917
*Is now determined to fix this one way or the other.*
>>43672897
>gives the Techpriest a grateful nod and accepts the ear defenders, slipping then on and connecting them to her combead.
>>43672933
>Begins blasting white noise.
>>43672886
> as you put on the necklace, it becomes difficult to care about anything, as if your emotions are dampened.
Just don't wear them all the time, right? We... I'm still not sure what the full effects are on humans.
>>43672880
They're inside Gary.
They're here Gary.
Fucking heretics.
They're here.
>>43672886
You heard it, I know you did. You think it's in your head?
Hah, allow me to laugh!
They're here. They want us to turn on eachother. They want us to pledge allegiance to their foul debased heresy.
Would you let them?
>>43672891
Nuh uh! Come close with that shit, and I don't care who you are, I WILL chop you into pieces fuckmother!
Rolled 14 (1d100)
>>43672963
*grumbles angrily, so many unoptimized settings...*
>>43672939
*Does a com-check*
>>43672968
>>43672880commas make differences... "They're inside, Gary" *
For fuck's sake why u no keep the namefag on bitch?
>>43672968this is why I only post in one thread at a time
Sure you don't want a null medallion?
>>43672968
Thronedammit! Where's Sis when we need her?
*touches Aquila tattoo on his chest*
Rolled 54 (1d100)
>>43672896
I'm listening, creep.
>intones any litany against heresy he can remember internally while trying to pay attention, a trick used for interrogating chaos cultists.
>Manifests into a (non-solid) mirage of a Word Bearers' Sorcerer.
ENOUGH! MY PRESSENCE WON'T BE DENIED BY XENO WITCHCRAFT IN THESE TAINTED GROUNDS!
>>43673028
Huh.
>blink blink
WHAT IN THE EMPEROR'S NAME IS THIS UNHOLY APPARITION? WHAT DO YOU WANT, FIEND?
>>43673028
Psyker?... DO NOT LOOK AT MY SOUL!
Rolled 4 (1d20)
>>43673028
*snatches Sororitas flamer*
CONTACT!
BURN YOU FUCKER!!!
*looses flame*
>>43673028
>thinking
WITCHCRAFT!? My race is far older than your wretched parasite gods, and you accuse me of relying on sorcery to get ahead? Soon my brothers will awaken, and you shall feel the full might of the Fahkeet dynasty!
>>43673027
>>43673064
>>43673063
>>43673061
I'm here for I have personal interests about this place that may be the same as yours, interests that lead to the erradication of the taint in this outpost.
>>43673012But I don't, I've only got this thread up. What the shit?
Fuck off with that bullshit. I've got blood in my veins. It's enough.
>>43673015
Oh Theresia couldn't help me with this.
I've got a cure.
It's murder.
>>43673090
You're talking shit there buddy, but I habeeb it.
>>43672967
Well, it feels different. That's....optimal, yes?
>>43672968
If they're trying to harm us we should stop them.
>>43673001
>taps her transmit button.
Transmission recieved, testing transmission strength.
Maybe I should take this off for sec?
>removes the necklace and blinks a few times.
I think I'll keep it off for now.
Rolled 15 (1d20)
>>43673090
*Attempts shooting the apparition with plasma to see what happens.*
>>43673117
"Transmission strength adequate for local Coms Ensign. Suggest keeping away from xenotech artifacts."
>>43673090
And what would these 'interests' of yours be?
>>43673027
>whispers
Don't suppose you know any tricks for banishing warp-ghosts, do you?
>>43673084
Keep boasting, Xeno, at least I didn't sell my soul to a slave. Your artifacts are as much as witchcraft as ours.
>>43673108
You've probably been to blind to notice, but this outpost's library, or rather Arcanum, holds a secret passage-way to an underground Chaos Temple.
A rival's temple to be more precise, build with haste during the last black crusade to keep an artifact safe from... well, from opportunists like me.
>>43673108
>>43673117
No no no no no, oh dear, you've got to put them ON! At least until we've dealt with this vileservant of the new godsheretic!
>>43673167
>The shots go through, hitting whathever's on the other side, just as Gary's shots did.
>>43673117
Well, there is a way...
*pulls out bolt pistol, aims at own forehead, pulls trigger*
*BLAM*And now, I'll figure out something reasonable, because Kenny got too confusing, even for me.
>Rip In pieces Kenneth ;_;
>>43673180>at least I didn't sell my soul
>laughs
>Continues blasting static as he lies in an OFF state on the ground.
>>43673178
I'm not a psyker, unfortunately. I think, at least. And even if I was, I believe a traitor of this caliber would be entirely out of -
>>43673201
Aw, shit. >redoubles his efforts with the litany, mumbling under his breath now in high gothic
>activates her Powerfist, surrounding it with an an electrical field
Sergeant, what do you advise?
>>43673167
Affirmative, the experience was....unpleasant, but I suppose it might be necessary.He can speak normally through a Combead?! I feel like a bellend for not noticing before now.
>>43673216>To a slave, or rather, a Pokemon
>Takes a quick look towards the Xeno but says nothing before addressing back to the party.
The thing is, I want this artifact as gone as any of you would. Better it gets destroyed or falls in inquisitorial hands than to let a Thousand Son have it.
Rolled 44 (1d100)
>>43673236
I've got this one.
> sets up imperial WiFi routers in the shape of a pentagram around the techpriest and prepares a mechanical goat for sacrifice
Rolled 61 (1d100)
>>43673236
*Attempts to fix fellow tech priest again*.
>>43673251
"Suggest moving into Chimera, have attached holy symbols to most internals."1. It's the first time anybody has tried, 2. I just came up with it.
>>43673201
By the Emperor! A-Arthur is gonna be pissed!If you want you can take one of my spare Praetorians. I've got a Rifle Squad(Ala Sharpe) and a few Heavy Weapon Specialists to choose from
Rolled 44 (1d100)
>>43673258
I will resurrect him, with the power of technology!
>mfw just killed myself
>mfw no idea for another dood
>mfw I need to lurk for a while to catch up some more
>mfw I only have a krieger's face
>>43673307
Naw, I'm working on something
But it still needs some work
Kenneth was a plaything, a probe of sorts
Just lost contact
Lost threads
Re-appeared
Realized that kenny isn't really that good
Kenny an heroes
May he rest by the emperor forever now.
>>43673331does two of the same roll in a row count as a success?
>>43673302
"Roger that, but we'll have to deal with this eventually."
Everyone, our Enginseer says to get into the Chimera! It's been blessed!This is an incredibly useful thing to know. Arthur will be informed post haste.
>>43673337C-can I get a spoiler?
>>43673377I don't think so...
>>43673377I think combined fixing attempts have probably got him back on his feet now.
>>43673409
>Laughs
Go then, leave the taint to spread, it's not like your Emperor was going to do anything about it anyways, you just prove that Chaos is too powerful for the Imperium to deal with.
>>43673460
>if he had facial miscles, a look of realization would have come across them.
Wait, we have to secure the bunker.
