>You are the king.
>You discover that your daughter has completely taken control of your spy network and assassin order without you or your top advisers finding out for six years.
How do you react?
>>43634312
Congratulate her on her skill and ask if she would like to rule over the kingdom alongside you, or if she would rather handle the shadowy affairs in the background.
>>43634312
Good job Honey.
Well done.
Is... There anything you want?
>>43634312
Pride, you obviously taught her well.
>>43634312
THAT'S MY GIRL
>>43634312
>How do you react?
Ogle her cleavage.
ay bb wan sum fug ;D
>>43634312
Thoroughly impressed she did it, but a little bit disappointed she got found out at all.
>>43634372
>>43634377
>And the king suddenly fell to a mysterious illness that no doctor the princess could find could heal him.
>>43634312
Jokes on her. My spies are bungling fools. (I mean it; I recruited my spies from the street performer guild and put my jester in charge of the lot of them.)
>>43634312
Absolute pride, and begin bring her in more and more with ruling matters so that she can successfully succeed me, setting it so that in 10 years I'll retire the throne (but not the title) to her. That or execute her for treason. Depends on our relationship.
Pretty much the same as the consensus. Immense pride, offer her a fair stake in governing the kingdom she will eventually hold no little sway over one day. Collaborate with her on arranging a suitably well bred but easily dominated husband for her- A formality to ensure she can have her claim without some boorish fellow messing with the finely tuned balance of the kingdom.
>>43634312
I have a daughter?
>>43634312
So assuming she's not of marriage age yet?
That would mean she's been running the place since she was 10 or so?
Offer her a position on the council. Or she can rule from the shadows if she really wants to. Also start planning a retirement as soon as possible, because she's clearly got this handled.
>>43634312
Considering my daughter is roughly 16... I wonder how the hell a ten year old got a hold of the spy ring, why she felt the need to start up an assassin program and am no longer worried about all those pesky nobles trying to court her. They'll take care of themselves.
>>43634312
Glee.
I delegate more and more of my responsibilities to her, help her pick a husband of high quality, name her heir apparent, and dedicate more and more of my time to leisure like hunting and foreign military adventures that she suggests.
Court sucks, being king is a drag, if she wants to rule, I'll ease her into the job only slightly slower than she desires.
>>43634312
FINE. YOU UNGRATEFUL LITTLE CUNT. YOU CAN MARRY THE DAMN COBBLER'S BOY. CALL ME IF WE GET INVADED. I AM RETIRING TO THE ASTRAL PLANE.
>>43634477
I can see how you would fail to notice your spy network being taken over.
>>43634312
Well for a start get new advisors.
>>43634312
cum inside
In what way is this not the best possible outcome?
>Meanwhile your son and heir ran off to elope with his elf maid.
>Again.
>This is the tenth time he has tried, but your guards drag them back after a few days at most.
>>43634678
At that point, kill the maid.
>>43634678
>>43634725
Just let them go, we have a far better heir prepared.
>>43634725
>She is the one informing the Guard were he ran to.
>She works for your daughter, your son was gonna find a reason to run away anyway.
>This way he is found faster.
>>43634678
Tell him to stop this eloping bullshit and have bang his mistresses in the castle like a normal royal.
>>43634312
Naw fuck this shit.
This is how it ACTUALLY goes.
>I'm the king
>Wife shits out a girl
>I execute her AND the girl
>Then make my own religion when the pope gets mad at me
>>43634757
B-but he doesn't want to marry your rivals daughter! She is a bitch! And Flat!
ALRIGHT FINE I'LL BUY YOU THAT GODDAMN PUPPY BUT DON'T EXPECT ME TO TAKE IT FOR WALKS OR FEED THE LITTLE SHIT IT'S YOUR RESPONSIBILITY NOW
>>43634312
>"And here I thought I'd only last long enough to maybe be remembered as a warlord. You've been saving my skin all along! Come here you little bundle of joy, you!"
>>43634678
Son, I am disappoint.
If you're going to defy me, I at least expect you to be successful about it.
Just look at your sister!
>>43634772
>>43634777
They only technically need to have sex once to consummate the marriage.
And the girl he's scheduled to marry has her own thing with that half-orc girl she convinced her father to let her keep as a pet.
I doubt she'll have any problems with my idiot son fucking the maid as long as he doesn't try running off.
>>43634809
... Why is that gif not entitled "Thor receives the longest piece of licorice in Asgard"?
>>43634772
Henry VIII pls go
>>43634312
Hah! Joke's on her, I've already planned on passing the throne to her, sinceI'm already dead!
>>43634777
And once they are married, she will be his bitch. One of many. That's what being king is all about.
>>43634827
gods damnit
>>43634841
>He just wants to marry his elf waifu and live a simple life.
>But Dad is an asshole that wants him to be a King and have a Harem.
Life is suffering...
>>43634837
>tied with dorf as worst princess
>>43634312
I dress her in men's clothing, cut her hair short, publicly reveal her as my long lost son who I have recently been reunited with, prepare a list of noble girls, princesses, and female blacksmiths for her to decide on which to marry and which to take as concubines, then abdicate and have her crowned King.
My idiot of a real son doesn't get the throne, I get a competent successor, and my daughter gets a harem of attractive women.
There are no flaws in my plan.
>>43634922
>>43634678
Give him a duchy on the periphery of the kingdom, divest him of his status as prince, and throw him a going away party in which he is dosed with sufficient drugs for us to give him a vasectomy, and then kept so fucked up he forms no memories until his scrotum heals. Give the elf a title sufficient to let them marry, tell the daughter the elf is to have an accident of some sort if she ever gets pregnant.
>>43634312
Appoint her as my new spymaster, obviously.
Her position as my child makes her less likely to backstab me, according to CK2
>>43634312
I've already lost at this point. I abdicate the throne and be thankful for the chance to retire.
You've got to know when to fold 'em.
>>43634935
that's like Horseman levels of parenting right there
>>43634312
>takes over my spy network
>obviously planning a revolution to steal my throne
No one threatens my reign, my law is absolute, send her to the guillotine
>>43635043
>No one threatens my reign, my law is absolute, send her to the guillotine
She's been running the place for six years by this point. Clearly if she wanted complete control, she'd have it by now.
>>43635123
Gotta make an example out of her either way, can't let her get any ideas. She goes to the block at dawn.
>>43635172
Jokes probably on you, you die in your sleep before it goes through.
>>43635043
>She just wanted to impress you...
>>43635172
Or messed up body swap if the magic level is high enough.
She's probably had lots of people killed to cover you at this point. Hope you like her going completely underground while you kill one of her body doubles at the very least.
![8._cht_190345_2800[1].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/XVxD7WD.jpg "8._cht_190345_2800[1].jpg")
>>43634312
>Kill wife
>Marry daughter
>Install her as my spymaster
Incest Simulator 2 jokes aside, she'd make a great heir, and even if she isn't a heir she'd make a useful asset as long as she's on friendly terms with the son who is the heir.
>>43634678
If this is the other son, then I agree with the other anons. We already have a suitable heir. Strip him of his rank, give him a minor title on the edge of the real and let him live out his days with his maid lover.
>>43635043
>Fearing the revolution
>Not being the revolution
Do you even Bonapartism, monarchist scrub?
>>43634312
I AM SO PROUD.
The replies here are absolutely pathetic. Assuming you still have control of the military, this issue could be dealt with in as little as a day.
Announce a general meeting of head staff for all active government departments and imprison the spymaster (if he attends) utilizing the suddenness of the moment and the loyalty of other chief staff members to catch him off guard.
Force him to issue a recall order to all spies foreign and reveal the location of all spies domestic under the threat of death. Have the king's guard, handpicked men all, immediately escort your daughter to an isolated area for containment.
Reveal to the populace through public address the possibility of a domestic conspiracy against the royal family while similitaneously locking down the city. State that an assassination attempt was made upon your daughter. Stir up public outrage against the "assassin order", naming names and allowing mob justice guided by undercover police instigators to overtake those who are known and can be found. A few will be present and executed during the address for societal reinforcement.
Press your daughter for full disclosure. Give a secret decree to your most trusted minister that names the nearest relative not your daughter heir in the event of death. The rest can be accomplished through press manipulation, applied force, and recycling of the extant spies similar to what happened to the KGB after their attempted overthrow of Gorbachev.
>>43634312
That's my girl.
Change succession laws to cognatic primogeniture and convert to cathar, then let her become my spymaster for real.
>>43635374
>Being a foolish hero of the people
Human beings are animals, our instinct is to be ruled over and to establish an alpha to rule over the dirty common rabble.
>marrying a traitor to your reign
Sounds like a typical french move to me.
>>43635431
But here's a better question
Why? If she hasn't killed you yet she's obviously not going to try to, so unless you're just a powermad cunt you're kicking your daughter's sand castle for no reason
>>43634312
Honey, if you thought your lessons were boring, you could have just said.
Is it really easier to usurp my entire spy network than have a talk with your dear ol' pop? Have I gotten THAT OLD ALREADY? OH MY GOD. I NEED TO BUY A BOAT
>>43635431
Bitch has been at it for 6 years. If she was going to kill you, you'd be dead already. She's far more useful working for you than she is locked away and angry.
>>43635431
>this issue
That's your problem.
You're assuming that it's an issue at all, much less one that needs immediate resolution.
>>43635586
Yeah, if she was going to try anything she's had six years to have you killed.
>>43635026
Not familiar with the reference.
>>43634936
If Sengoku taught me anything, its that she still might. Hell, 90% of the time your starting wife is planning your assassination.
>>43635431
She took over your spy network over half a decade ago before she left puberty. I'm pretty sure she's got a couple back up plans in place.
If your reaction is fear and paranoia, I'm pretty sure she planned for that too. You're basically signing your own execution orders if you try to stop her with force.
Your own council is probably infiltrated at the highest levels. The fact you found out about the spymaster is most likely just the tip of the iceberg.
>>43634678
Your sister has more balls than you son.
>>43635026
Still not as bad as that one thread from 2 years ago where /tg/ failed at parenting so badly that our reverse-trap daughter decided she was a man and traveled all across the country raping girls and terrorizing the countryside.
Then we decided to ignore her in favor of creating a bunch of gynoid robo-daughters to marry off to secure alliances with every other country.
>>43635683
Well of course.
She let you know, so she could see your reaction to you finding out about just that.
She's probably in control of the entire country, with you as just as figurehead at this point, and you don't even know it.
>>43634312
>>43634312
>Beat her bloody
>lock her away till i die
>ensure secret tutoring from the best teachers possible in all fields
>die an early "mysterious" death
I've succesfully raised a queen with the skill, knowledge, and hatred to run a proper kingdom.
>>43635793
Anon, you cray
>>43634312
With pride.
>>43635524
>marrying a traitor to your reign
t. ignoramus
>>43634312
Profound pride. Sounds like she's ready to succeed me.
>>43634312
Shit bitch, you put me out of a job. I resign, kingdom's yours. If you need me, I'll be in our holiday dacha.Plz spare me
"That's great honey bunch. Now I can abdicate (relatively) young and go back to adventuring. Plus, since your bitch of a mother is dead (oh don't give me that, I've already figured out that you arranged it) I can safely chase after my first love, get you some half-elf brothers and sisters. If you ever need anything from me, don't hesitate to drop me a scry."
It's nice to know that /tg/ seems to love their children and congratulates them on their accomplishments. Makes me feel all warm inside.
>>43636129
It is my firm belief that your children are supposed to be better than you.
NEVER TELL YOUR CHILDREN THAT YOU WILL SCREW THEM UP SO BAD.
>that very day appoint the cowardly little shit son as king
>sit back and watch the civil war unfold between the military and the assassins.
this seriously implys i don't run the absolute assholest of kingdoms, i will actively cause chaos even after abdication as my father before me and my fathers father before that, its always the smartest and the biggest douche that gets to rule here.
so overt retardation or too clever for their own good retardation.
>>43635957
Luvia please marry me
It all depends on how many of her siblings she made "Disappear under mysterious circumstances", Or rather which of her siblings she didn't. I mean I'm proud of just how much shes accomplished but seriously killing off everyone else is just a bit excessive. Also Its not getting any easier for me to lay down more blood descendants, I'd like to at least have a backup plan to continue the family lineage in case she herself gets taken out.
>>43634312
Good going. You're going to be alright, kid.
>>43634725
Yes, piss off the person who becomes king if you die.
>>43636256
>not making the daughter queen for her shenanigans
>not enjoying your dickass kingdom run on murder and stealing shit.
>>43636256
It wouldn't be my personal preference (I'm with the "have son abdicate and have them live out their lives somewhere else" camp) but if you do go this route, either he toughens the fuck up or he's ineffectual and thus no threat to your rule.
>>43636305
It would be tyrannical to kill someone who is of no significant threat to your regime. You already have a highly effective daughter, even if your son gets his shit together chances are he won't match your daughter's brilliance.
Like you, I'm with the "abdicate and retire" camp. Maybe he can fulfill some sort of role at the royal court, but your daughter should be the new queen.
>>43634519
Underrated post.
>>43634312
My daughter is clearly more competent than me, and I will stand no chance against her.
In an attempt at self-preservation, I begin to fake senility, acting increasingly buffoonish with each passing year while keeping her content by giving her free reign to do most of what she wants to do. If I do it right, I might be able to sneak my own will in here and there with her thinking it nothing but a harmless madness.
I would rather be remembered an old fool than a young martyr.
>>43636430
Or you could just offer her the crown. Kings aren't free and I would rather just be the Queen's father. You get to have a lot more fun.
>>43636223
Gotta get out there and spread the seed, man. If shes at that point, she has eyes on you at all times within your own kingdom. Chances are if you fuck some bitches on the side in secret shed find out, and make an accident happen to them too, rather than risk them get preggo.
Your best bet is to place her in charge of the kingdom with your advisors to watch over her closely while you go off on "vacation", go to a far off kingdom, and powerbargain your way into marrying someone with power, broker a deal whereby she carries and raises a child, and you return to your kingdom. Decide ahead of time the signal that would be given if the child was male or female, they would notify you through some means in just short of a year.
After that. return home and reassume "Control". By this point you've probably been away about 2 months at least. Ascertain what shes done in the time you were away, talk with advisors when you know you wont be overheard. If she establishes a strong enough power base, she might be able to overthrow you.
If things look like they're getting bad, feign your death and smuggle yourself to the other kingdom. If child is boy, name him successor, and get wife to negotiate for war against your own kingdom, to retake the throne. If child is girl, settle down and make a new life for yourself with your new family, because its your last chance, and you better hope that your eldest daughter doesnt find out.
>>43635431
I'd do this, but I'd kill her personally first
>>43634312
I give her one of the dreaded Dad-Stares of Disapproval and tell her to give me the keys to the robot assassin army back. Those things aren't toys, you know.
>>43634827
Because he's a newfag who didn't even get the historical reference
>>43636448
As fun(and complicated, who knows which of my advisers is already under her thumb) as that sounds I don't think I could go through with it. Aside from the fact I'd rather not have the late queen's ghost nagging my ass off for finding another woman that fast, all she really has to do to have my approval is to not kill *all* of her siblings. And yes I'm including the little bastards I've hid in small peasant communities when I say *all*. I mean some of them show some talent, heck one of them might even become an adventurer. Can't wait to see them when they're literal gods of war or magic or music or whatever the hell adventurers become these days. Not that I'd even give those guys a chance at the throne but hey its better to go down in history as the progenitor of heroes not just of usurpers
>>43634922
What if your daughter likes cock?
>>43636532
YOU TAKE THAT BACK
>>43636538
I don't see what the problem is. You're the king, and you also love cock. You love it so much, you've even got your own!
>>43634312
I give her something really nice as a reward.
And then I take back control of my spy network and order of assassins with countermeasures that I built into my compartmentalized network a long time ago in the event that this exact sort of thing happened. I deliberately leave a couple of cells under her control to see how she will respond to this. It's her move now.
But she's doing very well. In a decade or two she'll surpass me, maybe. It won't be too long before I kick the bucket and hell, it's nice to know that somebody competent will be around to grease the old political cogs after I'm gone!
>>43636129
well self preservation is probably also a factor. she's had the capability to kill you for six years, not give her a reason now is just good sense.
>>43635919
Man, theirs fuckinf ogres 40 feet from city walls, a slime climbed up my toilet plumbing and now i got jock itch, the servants kidnap and bang harpies because tits, and a dragon just came through and robbed an entire city at gun point. The worlds cray and it needs a craycray leader.
Marry her off to my vassals/some foreign kingdom for allies.
>>43634312
TREACHEROUS SOW
RUAAAAAAGH
CROOOOOOOOOOOM
>>43636532
Then throw a futaloli or two into her harem, which also nets you some heirs.
EzPz
>>43634312
In a small audience room, away from the prying eyes of court, my daughter stands, surrounded by four of my loyalest knights with drawn swords. My face is grim. "Eline, I am shocked and appalled that you would usurp my authority over my agents in such a way! Have you absolutely no respect f-"
"Father, I-I just wanted to make you proud... Everything I did... Please! I've kept the kingdom safe for six years, I-!"
"SILENCE! My own daughter... I can't believe it... I can't believe how proud I am of you." I step from my throne and embrace my little girl, much to the shock of both her and the knights. "Six years... You took over at ten?"
"I- Y-yes, I learned your former spymaster was corrupt, selling secrets to the trade dukes and the empire so-"
"Ahh, his four-year sickness... That was your doing then. You didn't let him die until your control was complete and he was no longer needed, but you kept him from doing any more damage in the meantime. And you reached that conclusion at just ten?"
"Yes. Have- have I done well, father?"
"My dear child, you are everything I could have ever wanted in a daughter. Of all my achievements, the experiment that bore you is my greatest success. You are the best daughter I could have wished for."
"E-experiment? Father, I've never heard of- What are you saying?"
"Magic, my dear child. I wanted children that would surpass me in every way. You're beautiful, powerful, strong and swift, just like your brother, but it runs even stronger in you and if this is anything to go by, your mind is more than an equal of my own. I love you as a father should love his daughter, but more than that, I am so proud that you are everything I ever dreamed you would be. My dear child, when I am gone, you will be my legacy and the one to succeed me."
>>43636728
>Exposing your daughter's talents in front of fucking everybody in the kingdom
Don't be surprised if she makes a lethal fall down the stairs tomorrow, idiot.
>>43636748
>a small audience room, away from the prying eyes of court
The throne room and the courts are not the only places a king can make a formal meeting. This place is designed for sensitive talks with foreign ambassadors. Only myself, my daughter, Sir Kryss, Sir Pathen, Sir Rya and Sir Lelei know the whole truth and I would trust those four with more than just my life.
The only issue will be finding a suitable consort for my daughter... She's only 16 and already she out-shines every other maiden in this and all neighboring countries... And she'll continue to grow more so until her 26th birthday, if my magic holds.
>>43636748
She's the spymaster, not a single conjure is planned without her knowing.
>>43636770
>not marrying her to her brother
>>43634312
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IvmUuJVGcIM
>>43636783
Hmm... I suppose... I mean, the magic that effected her in the womb should have had enough effect that things like inbreeding aren't a-
What am I saying?! That's a bottle of worms I do NOT want to open! I'm already having concerns about my OWN feelings tow-
B-besides, he's already enamored with that elf girl >>43634678 The only reason I keep ordering him brought back is because if he's going to do something so foolish, he should at least be successful about it! If they can avoid me for a month or so, I'll bless the marriage; I'm not asking for much here... He's a superior breed; avoiding the guards for a month should be easy for him!
Don't see why he can't just have a harem like his uncle... I mean, just because I've never had the time... Urrgh... Kids, huh? If only their mother was still around...
>>43634678
I would've thought that hiring only male elves after the first time would've helped with that, but at least he won't sire any bastards for my daughter to worry about.
>>43634902
That's not how you spell "best", anon.
>>43634312
My Genji gambit to turn my adopted daughter into my perfect queen seems to be working.
>>43634725
We did that before. The boy had her resurrected.
>>43636817
It's like you don't even want to start a dynasty that rules the world for a thousand generations.
>>43634827
Fucking fantastic, kekked
>>43634312
>>43634678
Praise the daughter
Push son to do better
>turns out he's a Tactical Genius and Master Swordsman
>My reign will be remembered as the start of a Golden Age
>>43634312
>She's had control of my assassins for six years
>I'm still alive
I ask if there's any improvements she'd like to see happen.
>>43634312
>"That's my girl!"
>make princess the spymaster
>she makes sure Intriguefags don't poison my wine or whatever
>make sure Steward is decent enough to fund military campaigns
>make neighboring kingdoms my bitch
>change succession laws so she becomes queen after I'm gone instead of this >>43634678 faggot
>if I die on the battlefield it will by glorious and she is more than competent enough to keep the realm together
>if I survive all the conquering and make it to old age just make her my regent and go around bangingor raping
attractive women until I die
>>43634312
Ask where the fuck we got a spy network and assassin order from? I mean I'm proud of you pumpkin but this is what the accountant was talking about, we need to budget.
>>43635726
/tg/ we fail at free form? At least we sometimes get shit done. Right Anons?
>>43634312
Take off my robe and scream allahu akbar.
>>43634312
Wait, does this mean I'm Pope Alexander VI?
Fuck yeah.
>>43634312
Be proud.
>>43634931
(Actually a sho—boy, just fyi.)
Why are we assuming she wants power? Couldn't she just want to be a good daughter and later a goodhyper-competent sub[/spoier] wife?
>>43637521
Or she could just be super into intrigue.
>>43635431
>thinking you can trust ANYONE after losing your spy network to a 10 year old
>>43634312
>She got found out
Shamefur display lassie
>>43634520
Well presumably they're still sending you reports, but presumably the reports go through her first.
>>43634395
Given the situation, she probably let you discover that. A slip after 6 years seems odd, and she might need something from you that she couldn't get on her own.
>>43635726
I don't see any context in which that is not a victory.
>>43634312
My kingdom must have the most incompetent spy network in the entire world if my spy advisers didn't even know who they were working for.
It's no wonder they were taken over by a little girl. Time to axe them all, not going to be much of a loss, or a fight.
>>43634312
Clearly, I am a PC and so is my daughter, in the nonmage half of a high-level Ars Magica campaign.
I'm OK with this.
After all, she's probably the reason my Difficult Underlings flaw is related to my personal servants, not my spy network. She's had all the Difficult Underlings who were spies... demoted. To my grooms of the stool.
>>43634312
Raise an army to hunt her down, have her executed for high treason. Women should know their place, next thing you know people will begin suggesting Agnatic-Cognatic succession and matrilineal marriages.
>>43636256
Worked from Frederick Wilhelm I of Prussia.
>>43637946
>kinslayer
>>43634312
Frankly I wouldn't buy it, and wonder who is manipulating my daughter for their own ends.
It's treason, then.
ARRRRGGGGGLLHHHHHHHHGGGGGGGHHHHH
>>43634312
Commit suicide from the shame of being such a completely inept king.
And the fact that clearly my "daughter" is not *my* daughter, otherwise she wouldn't be so competent.
>>43637946
and then there's this faggot.
>>43636480
THIS! Be proud and happy, embrace her and tell her how thrilled to hear I have a suitable successor. Ask her to call a meeting so that I may berate, but also commend my spies/advisors on the amazing operation, and that we quickly get to using these tactics in foreign realms.
Then, when everyone is gathered. I put a dagger right through her back. Staring down every last advisor and spy. Whilst her paraplegic body writhes on the council chamber floors, I remind them of their loyalties, to me, unto death. If they wish to take the throne, now is their chance. None will strike me down, all will waver in their resolve. I will then turn to leave, saying "and those who wish to remain loyal and avoid suspicion, I recommend you turn in those who went traitor"
I WILL RULE THIS KINGDOM OR HAVE IT BURNED TO ASHES AROUND ME
>>43636480
THIS! Be proud and happy, embrace her and tell her how thrilled to hear I have a suitable successor. Ask her to call a meeting so that I may berate, but also commend my spies/advisors on the amazing operation, and that we quickly get to using these tactics in foreign realms.
Then, when everyone is gathered. I put a dagger right through her back. Staring down every last advisor and spy. Whilst her paraplegic body writhes on the council chamber floors, I remind them of their loyalties, to me, unto death. If they wish to take the throne, now is their chance. None will strike me down, all will waver in their resolve. I will then turn to leave, saying "and those who wish to remain loyal and avoid suspicion, I recommend you turn in those who went traitor"
I WILL RULE THIS KINGDOM OR HAVE IT BURNED TO ASHES AROUND ME
>>43637228
>change succession laws so she becomes queen after I'm gone
You'd better be a Basque, bruh.
>>43634312
>How do you react?
Abdicate, knowing she is ready to lead the kingdom being such a conniving cunt.
>>43638285
cathar master race f@m
>>43638204
If I were part of your council, I'd cut you down there and then. I serve no kinslayer!
>>43638285
Nah, officially you name her husband as heir but that doesn't keep anyone from knowing who's really in charge
>>43634312
Wait, I'm a hedgemage living in a swamp, surrounded by mountains, surrounded by an arid prairie. How in the bloody Hell's did I become king?
Does this have to do with those men in shiny Armor who come by every year or so and ask me for advice?
>>43635431
>>43638204
No.
You've already failed. You've been stupid enough to allow this to happen, and now you're going to pay the price.
You shouldn't have let this happen in the first place. Prevention, not treatment.
>>43634312
>Tfw my little girl doesn't need her fathers help for plots and intrigue anymore.
Her mother would be so proud.
>>43638663
What happened to her mother? Did your daughter kill her?
>>43638678
Childbirth. So technically yes?
>>43638663
>letting your preteen daughter rule by herself
>not maintaining full control of the entire nation while ensuring she has a learned and useful childhood
>not making sure she wants to continue with your ideals by being a good father to her and getting her to read that pamphlet about divine right you had made every night before bed
You deserve that knife in your back, catamite.
>>43638694
An assassin straight out of the womb, amazing!
>>43638390
Ah the good old "anyone who wants power doesn't deserve it" Douglas Adams treatment
>>43638844
>Age is unspecified
>6 years of all espionage running smoothly without any detection
>Has clearly learned all the skills needed to be an incredible spy master
>Pushing rule by divine right. Ever.
If you really think YOU are the one qualified to run that position when the world presents you a trustworthy supporter bound by family and showing incredible merit, you're the one getting the knife in your back.
>>43638204
>Cowardly kinslayer who stabs his own daughter in the back
>Any king of mine
You will do neither. We will bury your ashes with dung, as you deserve.
>>43634678
>Daughter is spy mistress
>Son sucks at running away with his lover
Make the daughter the heir to the throne give the son and his maid some armor and swords and send them off to be adventurers.Because clearly I'm not going to be long for this world, because my daughter will have me assassinated to ascend to the throne but not her brother, who's too bumbling to take it back, until he gains 18 levels in paladin and comes charging back in with an epic level adventuring party at my back to avenge my death.
>>43634747
this.
>>43638988
>age is unspecified, except for the loli pic in the OP
>letting your daughter run anything without your detection
>letting your daughter even consider doing away with you
>weakening your power for any reason, ever
You're actually typing this with a knife in your back, aren't you.
>>43639010
>paedophile who clearly wants to have sex with my perfect precious beautiful daughter whom I love very dearly
Guards! Guards!
>>43639612
France, please go. And take your early modern absolutism with you.
Time to call a family meeting with the two kids, I guess.
>>43634312
"Well, seems like either I'm an incompetent fool, my men are idiots, or you inherited my habit of background management. We all know that me being king was a fluke, not my fault the last idiot crowned me. Well, whatever, do as you wish. Just know that you've earned whatever other resources you need, kid."
>>43634678
"As for you, you're a fuckhead. I'll give you two choices. Either knock it off, stay in the castle, and take over my crown as a figurehead while your CLEARLY over competent sister ACTUALLY runs things.Or you can go on an adventuring campaign with that would-be lover of yours to act as an ambassador to other countries and find a kingdom stupid enough to marry your sister and let her try to run two kingdoms, then you get that dumb maid as your wife and personal assistant and if you two die nothing changes."
>>43639694
>France
I was going for Russia you eternal pleb.
>>43639757
>Literally handing over power to someone else
You are genuinely the most ragingly retarded faggot in this whole thread.
>>43639815
Like I said, no idea why the bloody fuck the last king crowned me. I was perfectly happy stabbing him in the back and handling the shit I care about from the shadows. You'd think he would have caught on eventually, but clearly the princess is the first competent person in the entirety of the kingdom.
>>43639631
>The daughter you just stabbed, who is now twitching on the ground
>In a medieval european kinda setting, where having sex with her would be A Okay
You didn't think this through, did you?
>>43639872
>The daughter you just stabbed, who is now twitching on the ground
Of course. I love her. I couldn't see her sullied by the likes of you. She's my little princess forever, now. She'll never tarnish like so many others...
>In a medieval european kinda setting, where having sex with her would be A Okay
A minor noble like you? With my lovely, beautiful, pretty little princess? Without even marrying her? Not that I'd let you.
Guards, break him on the breaking wheel!
>>43639847
You deserve your death.
The princess is a clear retard. If you were fucking stupid enough not to notice her preteen schemes, you were dumb enough to manipulate alive. She could at least have used you as a shield against any oppositionary assassination attempts.
>>43639941
>There are a bunch of other people, some of which who were loyal to the princess, to corraborate my story of kin slaying
>Also, there's the fact I can tottally stab you before the guards get here and I don't think anyone would actually stop me
I don't think you thought this through at all.
>>43634312
Finally! Now I can peacefully retire and leave the kingdom to her.
>>43639970
Woops, guess that "living shield" thing doesn't work so well after I've already shrunk back into the shadows where I belong. Besides, that's what the fucklet prince is for. Well, provided he comes to his senses and doesn't go off on a grand adventure with a maid girl that I'm fairly sure is probably just trying to abuse his position as prince.
God damn this entire family is fucked, all I wanted to do was micromanage my arms trade and get drunk all the time. King nonsense is bullshit, I'm frankly quite glad someone else has it.
>>43640025
No, you just fucked up like the weak retard you are. Charles and Nicky did better than you.
>>43639990
None of them are loyal to the princess. She's a girl, my girl, and she's dead now. They know I'm in charge, and that there'll be hell to pay if they don't recognise me as their leader. And you? You alone acted. That's how I know you want her. That's how I know you're evil. But you won't get her! Not any more. You'll burn and burn and burn and burn!
>>43640044
Woo, don't give a fuck. I get to go back to being a dirty, drunken, happy rouge if she takes over.
>>43640065
No you don't.
You get to die. Either she kills you, or she fucks up and gets deposed because she's already proven to be a fucking retard, and you subsequently get executed by the new regime. Even you found out about her plot to kill you.
>>43640083
So... your saying that she'd wait six years to kill me? Why in God's name would anyone do that, it's be pretty clear the fucklet prince would be retardedly easy to manipulate if a little maid can do it.
Sounds like your paranoia is taking over your common sense, boyo.
>>43640063
>You didn't even have the balls to kill her face to face
>"THEY KNOW I'M IN CHARGE NOW!"
You didn't even read the other posts, did you?
>>43640112
You stab her in the back you mongrel.
>>43635957
>I remember when npr confirmed she would be in V, OK NPR I'll jack off to you, you win again
>mfw all these pathetic faggots defending her
The only reason she hasn't done shit is because she can't do shit with only spies and assassins. Obviously I still have full military backing. So I use my forces to kill her and every known traitor to make an example
>>43640344
>killing your own daughter
the fuck is wrong with you?
>>43640373
Clearly a lot, he lost control of his spies to a ten year old.
>>43640344
>implying assassins aren't for killing people
>>43640344
>she can't do shit with only spies and assassins
Feeding fake intel to you and your army and getting rid of your loyal CO?
>>43640344
>inb4 spies in the militairy
Sweetie, I am so proud of you. So, would you like to make it official and blatantly state that you rule this kingdom now, or would you like to rule from the shadows, while I wave to the public and look pretty?
...Don't give me that look, I managed to slip into your mother's dress AND look better than her in it before we were wed, don't go thinking that I can't pull it off still!
>>43640835
DAD! you are embarrassing me in font of the spies.
>>43640835
>>43640868
>>43634312
Make her queen and retire. She's obviously much better than me at running this show, and I don't want the stupid crown in the first place, I just want to chill out.
>>43634678
Good news son! You're no longer relevant, and neither am I. Marry away if you want.
They grow... so fast ;_;
>>43634312
Hmm.
Is she interested in ruling the kingdom?
If so...hell yeah i am only gonna be around a litle bit to see if she needs any advice from what expierence i got...otherwise.
I am retiring from this kingdom shit.
The princess is now the heir.....or would be if not for the fact she prefers being the power behind the throne...more fun for her you see.
>>43634747
Might do this depending on the details of my kingdom.
>>43634678
......sigh.
Just...just...
I am really glad he is not the heir anymore.
Oh sure he is in general, but i need a new one.....because i am gonna strangle the litle fuck or just have him be-
Oh i will keep him as my heir, i will even allow him to have as a mistress the elf maid, but no more shit like running away or i will strangle him myself.
Quite simply i shall set down a...line for each child, one to rule the shadows and the other in the light so to speak.
>>43634777
But there's nothing wrong with flat!
>>43634678
Get your daughter to set up an cunning ruse.
>Next time your son escapes him and his love are taken in by a kindly band of pilgrims
>Their leader claims to be the heir to a small barony. It was conquered, abandoned and fell to ruin. They travel to reclaim it.
>Along the way they face adventure and hardship. The Pilgrim Prince teaches your son the proper ways of leadership before he falls to a "mysterious illness" (actually an Almost-Death potion)
>Before he dies he names your son his spirit brother and heir to the barony
>The land and castle on it are actually belong to you. They were sort of shit and out of the way so there was no need to pay them much attention.
Your son is now managing a small bit of your land while learning some proper responsibility. If he does well you can contract him and reclaim him as your son. He feels properly independent and might actually have some sense now.
Otherwise he rules his shitty little realm, renounces you and your more competent daughter can take his place as heir.
>>43634678
behead elf maid
it's the responsible thing to do
>>43634312
Well, I'm somewhat disappointed that she went into intrigue as opposed to studying ULTIMATE COSMIC POWER, but she's clearly excelling in her field, so I send her a list of people I want spying reports on. I'll knowing if she's lying or doctoring the information, because wizard. Oh, and if there's anybody she needs assassinated, just give me a day to prepare and I'll have them scried the fuck out of so her assassins will know what they're heading into.
Meanwhile, my research is proceeding like you wouldn't believe. I've learned how to use arcane magic to set someone's ACTUAL age, not just the appearance of it, so while I may look like I'm a gracefully aging guy, I'm as healthy as I was at 18, accumulating those aging bonuses to mental stats without any of the corresponding drops in physical ones. In addition to changing someone's looks, I can also permanently alter their gender, to anything I can imagine, so, you know, if she ever wants to sire kids, she only has to drop a lock of hair off. (Also Size Category, but that's probably less relevant.)
But sure, spies and assassins are important, honey, well done. Now could you either get your brother to stop trying this foolish eloping thing, or at least man up, drag the elf to the cathedral in the castle, and have the priest do it then and there? Or should I turn him into a girl? Actually, I'll turn him AND his elfslut into futa, that'd be best for both of them, I think. Once they look practically identical, we can see which one really wears the pants in that relationship!
>>43634922
>Female blacksmith
How are you gonna find these?
>>43634312
>You discover that your daughter has completely taken control of your spy network and assassin order without you or your top advisers finding out for six years.
>she took the hearts of both Steve AND Joe, and were two-timing on both of them!? For SIX YEARS?
I'm horrified about what my daughter's done. At least she hasn't made a move on Dave, the entirety of this nation's military force!
>>43642984
ACTSUALLY...
Blacksmiths used to pay their taxes in the form of shitting out mass produced arrowheads. Since the noble lords wanted so many of these damn things (for fighting their wars and shit,) that producing them was basically a full-time job, and they were an inherently expendable item (meaning you DGAF about quality as long as it was pointy and sharp,) blacksmiths would usually teach their wives and kids the trade, enough for them to do the simple stuff (like shitting out the arrowheads,) while he did the stuff that actually put food on the table (making farm implements and shit.)
So when Pappy Blacksmith went and died, the wife would usually just take over the forge and do what he used to do.
>>43643290
Man, Dave must be really strong. Or really good at kiting.
>>43638008
I will do what must be done to ensure the survival of the realm. Let the world revile me, at least men will be reminded of their places in the world.
>>43643364
Well, if he's up against a REAL threat, he calls in the National Guard reserve forces, and Shawn can usually get there in an hour or two unless he's helping out his mam.
Let me tell you, though, it's not as half as bad as James' workload, who's our nation's Judiciary.
>>43634372
How did a blacksmith become king?
>>43643419
He forged a very nice crown and decided to wear it afterwards, then one thing led to another and he was leading an army to take over a nation.
>>43643747
Did the crown have some really shiny gems? Like, really really shiny. The shiniest.
>>43643928
As though they glowed with an inner light.
>>43634312
>Draw Excalibur.
>Kill her and everyone who supports her.
>>43644196
Best dad.
>>43643348
Fascinating.
So we had Tomgirl blacksmiths back then too.
>>43643952
God damn Feanor.
>>43634312
Congratulate her in private, using indirect language, then never mention it again.
>>43636529
Does anyone have this without the text and could you post it, please? Thank you.
>>43640344
>she can't do shit with only spies and assassins
L
E
L
>>43634312
Retire early because holy fuck if I didn't know that she was running the spy network for 6 years then I'm clearly out class to rule anything.
>Mfw I tell her take she's now have to step it up
>>43634678
I'll let him run off if my daughter is willing to take on the responsibility
>>43642186
>sports bra and boyshorts
Get bikini briefs and a push-up and nobody will call you flat.
>>43634312
Tell her she is best girl
>>43634312
>>43634678
well then...
I pull my daughter into my arms and embarrass her by giving her the best hug in the world. and tell her " I was worried about the lack of motivation of this generation, you have undeniably shown that you can handle ruling a country, so you are now my heir. I have also taken the liberty of obtaining a ghostly form to help you out but you might not need me. So proud of you."
and whisper into her ear" You're becoming an empress one day, I dont like those assholes neighbors ruling class, and I certainly didn't want you marrying that cunting princely fuck of an heir living, and neither do you. I dont care how, but I think we can manage it despite your brother and his elf, he can lead armies, pretty well."[spoiler/]
Followed by a forehead kiss.
>>43634477
Welcome to Crusader Kings 2
>>43634312
Kill her.
(Welcome to Crusader Kings 2)
>>43634312
I let her decide the fate of my "top advisors".
Those fools failed.
She didn't.
That's my girl.
See how well she's doing with diplomacy and Warcraft. Make certain she has retainers who can bolster her weaknesses and, depending on setting, maintain rulership in name, but know that my retirement is assured.
>>43634312
She is clearly talented, so she is officiay in charge of these things from now own.
And if a have a male child too, i tell him to one-up her sister big time if he still wants the throne someday.
>>43634312
Punish her. I should never have known.
>>43646618
Yes she is. She won the Reinbowl flawlessly.
>>43636532
She has a secret harem of fuckboys like every other ruler
>>43634312
I shed a single manly tear, and realize my little girl grew up without my noticing.
I then double down on her leadership, economics, military strategy, and political theory training. If she wants to be the heir, then I'll make sure she's as prepared as possible. She is my legacy, after all.
>>43634312
Knowing royality I better get some poisoned wine or a sharp dagger quickly or I'm gonna end up assassinated by my disloyal assassins.
One does not go for a power grab before they sit on the throne without having plans to sit on said throne in a relatively short time thereafter.
>>43634678
Knowing also how royality works, the elf is probably an assasin, kill her to ensure the survival of the bloodline.
>>43634431
>street performer's guild was a front
>Your entire spy network is double agents.
>>43634902
Does being that wrong hurt physically?
>>43634312
... Take back control?
The fuck is she gonna do, talk a buncha murderers and cutthroats working for coin or religious fervor alone? I'm the motherfucking king and the fact that I just now know she tried to basically usurp me of power is either because I hadn't payed a single fuck of an attention until now.
I go down to the guild, reasure dominance (Knowing the edgy bastards they will probably say something retarded like "U cannot control da blade!!!1!". I am the motherfucking king, assasins being after me is not something fucking new.
>>43638988
>If you really think YOU are the one qualified
Social status
Wealth
Motherfuck divine rule motherfucker
Support of the court which she also fucking tricked
Nigga, she may have played the edgy goth cunt card for the edgemasters but a nationa aint fucking made up of spies. She probably can't even lead an army into glorious battle to retake the north.
>>43640518
Yeah, but you set one up against someone worth their shit and assasins get fucking wreckt son.
There's a reason why they aren't just normal soldiers sent in, they are supposed to be trained to never be noticed by anyone who can fight of an stealthy toddler.
>>43634312
Kill them all. Daughter goes first. Place bounty on every former spy I had hired.
Either my daughter is hyper competent or was possessed. She has to go for hiding the power she stole from me. If she had asked I would have given.
My spys must be killed for letting someone so young take control of them. Fools will not be tolerated at court.
My son will be taught the difference between lust, love, and marriage contracts. My other children will be hugged a little more.
>>43634312
I gather my advisers and head of military, to discuss contingencies in case of my death, one of those contingencies being the execution of my family, the other being the execution of all those who possess royal blood, all the advisers, and anyone who holds position in the kingdom.Then I order my royal guard to kill themselves, then I kill myself in a way that implicates my daughter and her spy network and assassin order.
The kingdom is in ruins, and there are rivers of blood everywhere. But at least it wasn't taken from me
>>43634312
Congratulate her on passing the test then abdicate to settle into a quiet life without the stress of running a goddamned kingdom and dole out useful advice.
>>43636305
>>43636370
You can't just make him renounce. The nobility will use him as a figurehead to challenge the throne. He has to either man up and carry the burden, or die.
>>43634312
>Abdicate and publicly announce her as heir to the throne, with no given reason
>pull her aside after the announcement
>"This kingdom is your responsibility now! Good luck and don't die!"
>Run off and start adventuring like I used to
I was looking for a reason to get rid of my obligations.
>>43634312
>Implying I made my REAL spy network publicly known.
'No my child, you don't know shit.'
>>43634312
I kill her.
It's the only good option. Anyone who tolerates this kind of treason is a fool and has no business sitting on the throne
![mah_boi_by_nikkikitty44[1].png](https://i.imgur.com/sbY8hne.png "mah_boi_by_nikkikitty44[1].png")
>>43651632
Alternatively
>Meet up with the princess, the prince, the dark elf maid and your most trusted cronies
>Peacefully discuss the entire situation under the enjoyment of a modest banquet
>We all come to the conclusion that the princess is more fit to rule, and the prince just wants to be with his waifu
>Set an elaborate ruse in motion through which we will fake the death of the prince
>Prepare a "lone bowman hired by a foreign nation" lie to cover up the truth
>After his "death", the prince will assume a new identity and live far, far away with his waifu where they can be happy and undisturbed
>The new queen has a reason to invade a foreign nation to "avenge" her brother's "death"
>You retire and watch her forge an everlasting empire
Everyone wins!
I leave and finally live out my dream of being an adventurer in a far away land.
>>43636616
Pfeh.
Conan would probably be actually very happy that she took dealing with this shit off his hands.
>>43649973
>Kill her.
>Welcome to Crusader Kings 2
Welcome to >>43638008
Welcome to negative opinion modifiers
Welcome to Elusive Shadow Genius heir dead
inb4 "Absolute Cognatic is basque only"
turn Cathar you heretic
You could have been your daughter
She could have led your kingdom into a new golden age
but you killed her
you monster
hope you get overthrown by a faction
hope your next heir is a inbred imbecile
hope a manure explosion gets you
It's so amusing watching all the people ignore the full context of the given scenario.
>"OH NOES TREACHERY I MUST KILL MY DAUGHTER BEFORE SHE CAN HAVE ME KILLED. I'LL HAVE MY ASSASSINS DO IT, SURELY THEY'LL STILL BE LOYAL TO ME IF I CONFRONT THEM ABOUT IT."
Bitch, she's been able to have you killed for six years now, if she was gonna do it, it'd be done.
>>43634312
Make sure her ninth birthday party is even more amazing than planned as a reward for her outstanding performance.
>>43634312
Celebrate the most successful run of Long Live th Queen ever.
>>43634312
Poor perception must run in the family, because she hasn't noticed the guy on the throne is a nonsentient programmed illusion and has been for the past 12 years.
I haven't even been on the same continent, let alone the same country!
>>43655749
Or maybe she took control of them cause she found out it was a programmed illusion and thought you were incompetent.
