Welcome to Balthasar's Blades, what can I do for you?
>>43589751
Blade is a pretty generic term good sir.
>>43589779
Yeah.
Do you intend to purchase any arms or armaments?
>>43589797
I would like a glaive please.
>>43589826
Hold on a moment...
MAUD! MAAAAUUUUUUD!
DO WE HAVE ANY GLAIVES IN THE BACK?!
What have you got for polearms? I've got a dragon to kill and I'm not keen on getting burnt.
>>43589751
Yer mone or yer lyf
>>43589849
Keep yer knickers on ya twat! I ain't psychic ya git, gimme a moment!
>>43589853
We have a fine selection of Halberds beginning at 124 crowns, the latest model even has a convenient slot for you to connect an extra weapon for extra slash slash slash.
Alternatively, we have a selection of boomerangs beginning at 5 crowns 99.
>>43589858
Lyfs are in isle three, you'll find them next to the Nymph catching jars and the condoms.
>>43589849
>>43589877
I don't have all day smith.
Drill is in a half hour.
>>43589927
>>43589877
MAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUD!
THERE'S A GENTLEMAN HERE WHO WANTS A GLAIVE!
>>43589751
My mistress requires a dildo fit for a proper wyrm. Her hoard is extensive and in a strange fit of madness she has deigned to spend a sizeable amount of it.
>>43589965
We have a fine selection of Halberds beginning at 124 crowns, the latest model even has a convenient slot for you to connect an extra weapon for extra arousal arousal arousal.
>>43589936
He got e'm! What kind he want!? Pointy, or Curvy? How big he want it, or does he want just the head?
>>43589981
I told you not to be getting yer mitts on me stash ya git! Dey ain't for sale, unless you wanna buy me some new ones!
>>43589927
>>43589982
What kind do you want? Pointy or curvy? We have big and small ones, or you can just have head.
>>43590013
Pointy is fine.
Leave the fancy curves to the guard.
I am going into battle and I require your strongest potions.
Do you sell spiked chains in this fine establishment ? And do you do enchantments here ?
>>43589751
I'm looking for a big-ass pair of scissors
Like, really godsdammed huge. Something that makes a ribbon-cutting novelty pair look inadequate.
You got any huge, fuck-off scissors?
>>43589981
Hmm, I would be remiss in my duties if I did not see the products for with my own eyes. Mistress is very particular mind you. The last suitor to displease her sent her on rampage lasting two and a half fortnights. Many perished. Additionally I will need to test them on my compatriot here. Worry not, he will not meet death so long as he has his corn.
>>43590031
You're not strong enough for my strongest potions!
>>43590025
That will be 89 crowns, but for just an extra 20 crowns you can get your purchase on a money-back guarantee.
Please note that the guarantee only covers fatalities, and if you only sustain an injury you will not gain your money back.
>>43590037
Matoi Ryuko please go. You have lost your way.
>>43590031
You want to say what kind o' Poshun, or will ya be taking a bottle o' piss!
>>43590052
>>43590025
I'm here, here's ya Bladed stick ya queer
>>43590037
What're you, some kind o' nancy nobleman? Wot you gonna use it for, making a dress for a giant?
>>43590032
Spiked chains are through that doorway and past the drake-cat. Please take a pineapple from the basket, we are not responsible for any drake-cat related injuries or fatalities if you choose not to.
>>43590037
This is a weapons shop, not a novelties bazaar...through the back and past the animated bows, please take a buckler from the rack, we are not responsible for any animated bow-related injuries you sustain.
>>43590041
MAUD?! MAAAUUUD?!
THERE'S A GENTLEMAN HERE WHO WANTS A HALBERD!
>>43590127
The Halberds is in the west corner ya s'wit, next to the sharp-dull staves. I just had you put'em dere last week. Ha e ya been sniffing fumes from the forge again ya knob?
>>43590172
...ugh.
>>43590127
This is perfect ! But I think I changed my mind...
How much for that beautiful beast you called "Drake Cat" ! Can it be trained as a mount ? I MUST HAVE IT !
>>43590227
599 crowns for the drake cat.
Please know that we are not responsible for any drake cat-related incidents you suffer once you have purchased this item.
For an 20 crowns we can supply you with a saddle and reins.
>>43590031
Aha love this video
>>43590249
Here you go ! Me and him will be best pals !
>>43590183
Dun you be giving me none o' yer lip boy. Yer lucky yer great great great grandfather was cute, otherwise I'd be tannin yer hide
>>43590314
Thank you for your patronage, please be sure to pick up our catalog on your way out.
>>43590319
Hmph.
>>43590351
Ah dun give me that face ya pouty lad. Tell ya wot, I'm making yer favorite stew fer supper tonight. Just be sure ta wash yer hands before ya eat.
>>43589751
I need 50 2 man cross cut saws and 170 axes by the end of 2 weeks. Do you think you can do that?
>>43590446
Are you planning on making the elves homeless or something?
>>43590509
He better not, or imma tan his hide.
I need a kukri that is ten grams heavy on the blade side.
What's the most durable metal you smith?
>>43590446
No.
>>43590561
Durablium. Its an incredibly durable metal that weighs as much as you think it does.
Hello my good man ! My name is Borglore the Burg... 'er !
I am here to st... 'are at your finest (and most expensive) gear !
>>43590586
Out the back, just past the animated bows, please do not take a buckler or shield from the rack as this angers the animated bows.
Good luck with your stealing.
>>43590636
Oi Mervin, you want I should turn the sot into a toad or sumfin? We ain't had frog legs fer a spell.
>>43590636
Yes ! Stealing because your prices are so good eh ?
Do you have something that requires a little bit less risk to obtain ?
>>43590578
How much would that weigh?
>>43590739
Oi ya git! What're ye, a filcher fer ants?
>>43590764
Less than you'd think.
>>43590739
No.
>>43589751
Hey buddy, take this, I'll return for it later.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qthofJjy5wQ
Thanks for the nostalgia, asshole.
>>43590127
>>43590249
Hold on a second... Would I be correct in guessing that that 'Drake cat' spawned from sort of unholy union between a female cat person and a female lizard person?
If not, what does one need the pineapple exactly?
>>43591082
Now that's thinking like a witch hunter
>>43591082
It doesn't like pineapples.
>>43590103
>>43590127
Well what do you call that thing on display behind the counter? Top row, second from the right.
>>43591962
Wot the feck do ya think it is! We use it ta sheer our Dire Sheep ya knob! How else d'ya think we make da fire-proof sweaters, mitts, and all!
>>43590858
I did not touch a shield or buckler and (especially the one that has "against animated bows) and passed the bows that did not try to kill me. I found this sword of the 4th king. How much for it ?
>>43592539
Tha's just a model ya git! If yer gonna try to burgle, and least be soddin good at it. And afore ye ask, no, the real fekkin thing is not displayed is the shop. Now piss off, or at least buy the soddin model. 18 Gold, iffin yer wondrin
>>43592750
Feck off yad daft Messageboards. Ya's very well know I typed in the soddin name
Why would anyone buy a blade from someone who's name means 'castrated'?
>>43592908
Well you know they're sharp at least.
>>43589751
I put a pot over his head and steal his shit without him noticing.
>>43593142
Feck off. Ya think yer a cheeky gobshite, wot wihh yer vidya game thinkin, well ya's nothin but a s'wit.
Sod it, all ya knobs outta the shop, or imma have ta gives ya a taste o' da product, an' yer own innards.
>>43593397
Fine. I'll go check out Crazy Carl's Clubs, Cudgels and Coshes instead.I
I prefer using blunt weapons anyway. Can't cut a stone golem, smashing is the say to go.
>>43593431
>Can't cut a stone golem
U fekkin wot mate!? How the fekkin hell d'ya think me sister an' I got the stone to make this shop?
>>43593454
Oh sure, if you either train under waterfalls for a couple decades or have some kind of enhanced reinforced mithril blade that a saint pissed on sure. Then you can cut animated granite, swim in platinum and lay an elf virgin while I'm dreaming.
But what about us basic adventurers? I'm lucky with I get a base fire enchant on a weapon some apprentice threw on for practice a decade ago! Why do you think I was poking around in your bargain bin? I'm no bloody battlemage or swordmaster.
>>43589751
I'm still deciding if I'm looking to protect myself or deal some damage...
But seriously: I'm looking for a good halberd. The sort with a pike on the top, axe on one side, and... Hammer or pick on the other, The last one I can go either or.
Um... I just need a bronze hilted silver dagger. Do you have one?
>>43593550
Well why didn't you fekkin tell me you wanted a good deal instead of being cheeky. What do ya want in particular, we might find a goodly deal.
>>43594569
Something versatile. Polearms are good but I have to deal with too many cramped caves, low ceilings and doorways.
Greatsword or bastard sword maybe, single edge so I can bludgeon if needed. Doesn't need any magic, but has to be sturdy enough to deal with armor and only need maintenance eafter, not repair.
Got anything like that?
Excuse me. Is the shop closed?
