You woke up in WH40K universe grimdark and edge will be a part of your life now. What are you going to do? Keep in mind you can chose your race.
>>43500227
Race you say? Then I'll be last of the Old One's, trying to regain the lost glories of my kin.
Do I know everything I know now? About the Emperor, peoples schemes etc.
>>43500227
Tau4ife
Blood gorgon
>chill in my Hulk
>enjoy my sweet loot
>be bossy but fair to my servants
>seriously just look at all my sweet shit all day, erryday, no want but to just enjoy my immortality
>50 years go by
>invade planet for recruits
>go back to space hulk for 50 years of chill
>repeat
Nurgle ain't shit, Blood gorgons best chill faction
>>43500227
I volunteer for the Tau Pathfinders. Rail Rifle and marker light.
>>43500227
Whatever the hive mind has planned for today.
I'm hungry.
Necron
>>43500556
This.
Plebians swerve, rightful rulers of the galaxy coming through.
>>43500328
Yes.
>>43500316
Old Frog Man adventures in SPPPAAAACCCEEE
>>43500333
>wake up as adult Tau
>have 15 years to live
>>43500227
Necron, I will hunt and vapourize kill this fag >>43500316.
>>43500556
The only logical answer.
Ork
I maybe dumber than a sack of potatoes now, but at least I'll be having fun during WAAAAUUUGHS.
>>43500706
Also your tec is literally powered by imagination. This is the single greatest thing this universe produced. I'm with you ork is the way to go.
>>43500706
If you're just some mook you'll probably get killed by a Nob for looking at him wrong at some point.
Orcs have a really high turnover rate. Literal hundreds of billions of them die just to infighting and equipment malfunctions.
>>43500725
But the important thing is that we're having fun. An Ork at his happiest is an Ork killing something.
>>43500753
True, but in all likelihood you'll be happy for maybe a few weeks before getting your head blown off by another orc because you ate his prized squig.
>>43500778
I'm cool with that. Its better than being any of the other races in that grimderp universe where everyone is screwed anyways.
>>43500227
Inquisitor. Use the knowledge from the codices to help the Imperium, and for the hat. Or a member of Inquisitor's crew and hope the boss man or woman doesn't burn me when I tell him or her about the stuff I learned from the codices. I'd probably be a horrible Inquisitor so the second idea is probably the best.
>>43500893
>Anon, there's a what on Mars?
>Boss, it's not as bad as used to be. It used to be a whole C'tan, but it seemed to be fine where it is, slowly sucking the souls out of tech priests.
>You've mentioned novels.
>It's best not to talk about them. You and the Sortia will foam at the mouth in rage.
>So the Orks want to summon their gods?
>Just one. He's getting close to it.
>It's Thraka isn't it?
>Bingo.
>Has there been anything written on if the Tyranids can be defeated.
>Orks and Necrons have the potential, but there is one man that could probably kill them just by existing. The Nids have no language, but where I'm from we call him Cruddance.
>>43500227
Attempt to blackmail the Dark Angels just to see how badly it goes.
Is men of iron a race, because hacking and screwing with the derppreists would make me so happy. First thing I would do is integrate enough human parts into my mechanical body until the techpreists can't figure out if i'm human or machine then I would go on a crusade of making fake STCs all over the universe filled with my own versions of dark age tech. Like a functional plasma gun that has a toaster, a Am radio and sarcastic wise cracking voice that insults the user, and if the mechanicus tries to remove any of these or place skulls on it the gun explodes. This type of thing would be my contribution to the imperium, machinery that works but constantly tries to piss off or emotionally scar people.
>>43500227
Id be a tech priest in either the Cybernetica or the Biologis.
>>43500227
Stormcast Eternal.
>pick eldar
>be sad
>kill self
>spirit stone returns to the circuit
edgy
>>43500227
Join up and pic related.
My Childhood obsesion with WW1 demands it.
>>43500227
I'd choose to be the Chapter Master of my own DIY Chapter.
I pick C'tan and nope my way to a galaxy without Necrons where I can be an immortal space god.
>be a human on some peaceful civilized world in segmentum solar, as far away from fighting as possible
>enjoy life of comfort, praise the Emperor occasionally, and die happy of old age in about a century
>>43500227
>race
Daemon, of course.
>>43501145
>Join up and pic related.
What he said.
>>43500778
Instead of trying to impose your "what would happen" on other people, answer the op.
>>43501718
First, I did >>43500584
Second, are we not supposed to respond and talk about other people's choices? We're just supposed to post ours and leave?
>>43500227
I choose to follow Tzeentch and use my knowledge of the Libra Chaotica to further His plans. I do not choose this for the sake of power, neither do I choose this for any other vainglorious reasons. I choose this only to help bring His endless colour, light and imagination into the material. Let all that is permanent dissolve and be reborn in endless chaos.
>>43500227
>be Tau
>be engineer
>away from front lines
>use my creativity for new and exciting things for a greater purpose
>be in enlightened society, bold and confident
>be a part of an ascending race while others dwindle and/or squabble in their ranks
>come back at the end of a fulfilling work day to a loving family, full of optimism for the future
I truly pity the rest of you.
I'll be a Gue'vesa under the Tau. I'd like to still be human, but not live a totally shitty, short life of factory work and guard service.
>>43501831
Humans are treated as second class citizens and not every imperial planet is a total shithole in fact considering how vast Imperium is your chances in living a better life than now are pretty high. Heretic.
>be Necron Overlord
>be bitchin and fancy with over-the-top armor and shit
>be immortal
>kill the living for fun
play pokemon with star-gods
>play thousand-year games of deceit
>play rts' with my countless number of mindless warriors
>have a computer for a mind
>be pretentious and pompous as shit
Out of the way plebs. Metal masterrace coming through.
Tzeentch sorceror. I get to be the herald of the true mastermind behind everything. I would rather be on his side than against him.
>>43502187
Aekbold Helbrass had a sweet gift from Tzeentch too. Motherfucker was walking around the Old World with flowers springing up around his footsteps. The old became young, wooden doors took root and regrew as trees, and wounds re-knitted themselves at his touch. He's like Jesus in full plate armour with a sword that makes things explode into a screaming mass of mutation.
>>43500316
Come here, fellow frog, lets rebuild together and uplift more jokaero
ROGUE
TRADER
>>43502254
If my gift was anything similar to the gift of life that guy got then yeah definitely Tzeentch sorcerer to the max.
>>43500227
>Be incarnated as an Ork Warboss.
>Gather many Orks for great Waaagh!
>Conquer our way to the edges of the galaxy, growing the horde as move...
>...straight into the Behemoth Hive fleet.
>Word of our eternal Waaagh! against the squishy Tyranids spreads.
>Constant stream of reinforcing Ork hordes join in against common enemy.
>Stay warboss of Galaxies greatest Ork horde until the heat death of the universe.
>>43502513
That's... That's something I need to see written now.
>>43500227
>Break into a SOB Garrison
>Sex one of them up
>Get flayed alive the next morning as a traitor to the imperium
>>43503013
You forgot:
>be okay with this
>>43502014
This. This is totally what I would like to do if I ever woke up in 40K. Better yet:
>use your total knowledge of the galaxy to be robot Indiana Jones in SPESS
>raid Macragge, steal Guilliman
>raid the Rock, steal Lion
>raid Blood Ravens, steal the armoury
>raid Solemnace, steal everything
>observe from safe distance as two most stiff Chapters and two most steal-y factions try to rob you.
Fun.
>>43503166
>steal Guilliman
I would ask smurfs for some huge ransom just to fuck with them it's not like their inferior technology has anything to offer.
>>43501044
>The Nids have no language, but where I'm from we call him Cruddance.
HERO OF THE IMPERIUM!!!
Is Tyranid an option? I've love to be like a Queen of Blades eqsue commander for the Swarm. But a dude.
To be quite honest...
>wake up as champion to best Chaos god Papa Nurgle
>spend time creating new and interesting diseases and plagues while Papa Nurgle pats me on the head and tells me I'm doing a good job
>go to planets and give them wonderful Nurgle-hugs
>even the xenos because Nurgle loves them too
Imperial noble.
Not even head of the house or the heir, because that would probably put me in harms way. Rather the 3rd or 4th in the line of sucession of a large house.
That way I can live a sweet life of debauchery and decadence with lots of slaves and a harem of concubines. Preferably on a garden world somewhere in the Ultramar region.
Life is good
Can't I just play beach volleyball on Carlos' Cat Planet? There must be some refuge from the grimdark.
>>43503532
Ultramar and plenty of other imperial planets are refuges from grimdark not everything is a death world or some giant factory
>be Cryptek Harbinger of Transmogrification
>badass robot skeleton geologist in SPESS
Why are there even other options?
be an old one, rally the eldar to my side, create a new empire, purge the ethereals and bring the tau into the empire, acquire independent human worlds and absorb them into the empire, try to atleast create somekind of cooperation with mankind, and make them the new successors for the future. try to fix the fucking orks.
>>43503231
Yes. Let's do it. The Anonkh dynasty shall thrive in the 40th Millennium.
>>43503762
>Not being a Harbinger of Eternity
Time control is fucking bonkers. Like how Orikan's predictions are never wrong because he alters time so they're always right.
The Necrons are capable of fucking crazy bullshit.
>>43503926
Fine. I'll give you that.
If GW would actually progress the story, Necrons would win in the long run.
>>43501279
but humans live around 100-400 years
>>43504263
Seriously. They have a machine that can explode planets and suns with the flip of a switch. They can time travel with zero repercussions, and apparently have weapons strong enough to destroy creatures that had almost as much power in real space as Chaos has in the Warp.
If the Necrons all woke up and unified, they would laugh at anything any of the other races could throw at them. This is a race that defeated the Old Ones and we know for a fact not one of the other species has anything even rivaling them.
The only thing dangerous for the Necrons is each other.
>>43503299
You don't know much about nids do ya?
>>43504470
Tyranids vs Old Ones might have been pretty funny, from a Necron's perspective
>>43504827
I do actually.
I don't assume I'd be a leader of any kind, but having some personality and being the equivelent to a Broodlord would be cool.
>>43503299
Dude, just be a Hive Tyrant.
It's heavily implied they exist as individuals within the hive. If they die they can literally respawn somewhere else with all their knowledge and memories intact.
So long as the swarm exists you'll be immortal.
>>43500227
No matter which race I would choose, I would walk straight into the next bar first...
>>43503234
Think this https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=UsnRQJxanVM
>>43500706
OP never said you gain their IQ. So you would be one of the few actually intelligent Orks, you would be like fucking Einstien to them.
>>43503166
If I did chose Necron, I would likely just be a immortal prankster, recreating movie scenes in real life and generally trying to have a good time.
I would probably get rekt after I put a whoopie cushion on the wrong man's chair, but fuck it.
>>43504386
Only if they're rich
>>43501766
If you aren't plotting to overthrow tzeentch while you're doing that you're doing it wrong
I'd be one of these guys, only if because I'm still on Earth
>>43500227
How much can you choose?
Can I enter the Schola Progenium?
The admech?
The Ecchlesiarchy?
>>43506117
uh chem rejuv are considered middle class life extension drugs so no not the rich
>>43500227
>Be total Bro-eldar: a brodar
> Craftwordler, harlequin or exodite.
> Give zero fucks about racial superiority.
> If craftworlder, be writer and have hot Eldar wife.
> If harlequin, be great actor and have hit eldar wife.
> If exodite be farmer or smith and gave her eldar wife.
How is this even a question?
>>43500355
lets become blood brothers and chill together
>>43507344
*Have hot Eldar wife.
Edit on the last green text.
>>43500227
>You woke up in WH40K universe grimdark and edge will be a part of your life now. What are you going to do? Keep in mind you can chose your race.
Be Positive!
>>43500227
I'd be an entirely law abiding citizen devoting to labouring for my life and worshipping the god emperor of mankind, and further the goals of his righteous servants in his name of course.Ha ha ha fuck no..You don't say no to limos.YO HIVE FLEET DINNER TIME, BRING ALL YOUR FRIENDS!
>>43500725
That's still a better ending then most in the galaxy, Gork and Mork are said to spit dead orks into no bodies, basically reincarnation
>>43507344
I wanna be this guy's hot eldar wife.
>>43500227
I pick C'tan and try to convince the Imperium that an alliance is totally worth a sacrificing few million people every couple of days. In the long run it's cheaper than giving them lasguns.
>>43500227
Human in Tau Empire.
Enjoy higher quality of life without the Imperium's Bullshit and deal with minimal grimdark
>>43507860
Holy shit, this guy legitimately believes fictional propaganda.
>>43507860
and then anon was sterilized and half his colony executed for disagreeing with the greater good
Join the Tau.
Get transferred to a sept that specializes in propaganda/media. Make tau versions of classic films. Become rich and enjoy my blue harem.
>>43506294
and you'll have fabulous oiled abs, and perfect health.
>>43500470
Makes me want to be ol' one eye, thanks.
>>43509756
Make Tau Star Trek.
Laugh all the way to the bank.
>>43500599
Is that really worse than any other mortal (excluding eldar) who doesn't have the benefit of plot armor?
>Be a Squat
>Technically almost extinct
>Thus not part of the army
>Stay in my shitty mountain planet
>Kek myself to sleep while everyone dies fighting Chaos in the other side of the galaxy
I choose to be a Tyranid Norn Queen. Boom, most powerful single sentient creatures in the galaxy (realspace, at least).
>>43507732
I'm with this guy, C'tan is the way to go. Though I'd team up with a Rogue Trader and instead target Orks for the most part for food. I mean souls are souls, and all I would need is to drop by an Ork infested world from time to time or something.
>be Fuckstodes
>be emotionless immortal who oils his abs and worships the Emps
Perfect.
A Tau AI. I would eventually become a legion of robots.
>>43508930
Show me where it's false. The Tau have an overall higher quality of life than the Imperium.
>>43509086
Non-canon, dipshit.
I am crepitius, chaos god of farts. all things that live fart and therefore fall under my dominion. my servants can demolish their enemies with devistating anal blasts
>>43501097
This needs to be a thing.
>An improved Leman Russ that slowly trickles water down the backs of the seats
>new aerospace fighters that have unergonomic chairs
>guns that make a venting/whislting noise at all the wrong pitches when you put them up near your face to aim
>new deamon-free computers that don't require tech priests to operate safely but require humiliating acts to be performed during anything critical
>vox casters that yells at you and demeans you in the most personal ways every so often
>>43500227
Become and Imperial Stormtrooper, oh wait Scion is they call em now. Be a total badass without needing genetic modifications; mind-bullets, robot bodies, demons n' devils, just good ol' blood sweat toil n'tears. And remind SM that I can do their job on a budget without needing a ticker-tape parade everytime I come home, which is never, when I fuck somebodies shit up.
>>43500227
I chose to become one of three things,
Whatever the emperor is
A c'tan
Or a old one
>Be a bad ass imperial assassin/spy/witch hunter
>bail on the imperium
>use my skills to become badass space cowboy in the 40k universe
>smash eldar and daemonette pussy all day
>>43512923
Or plant yourself in the path of a Hive Fleet and let the food come to you.
>be norn queen
>make a ton of cat-like bugs
>develop communication skills
>become best friends with tau
>best fleet
>>43517442
>implying bugs have souls
>>43517462
They have enough presence to create a warp shadow when they all get together.
Ill become a daemon prince and be immortal and fuck bitches.
Yay
>>43515018
Paint your damn army faggot.
Don't fucking play unpainted shit.
I'll be posing and oiling my abs all day.
Eversor Assassin.
Sitting in the back line and shitting out my minions all day long. Yeah that is life.
>>43517462
>>43519060
I don't play Tau Fuckface, I'm just acknowledging that, yes, they have the best civilian life.
Some demon under Slaneesh, enjoy long times of pleasure and relaxation
I'd become a Salamander Spesss Mehreen.
Living among civilians even as a god among men? Sign me the fuck up
>>43517462
>>43522201
>>43500661
As long as you're not a Warrior
I'd be a craftworld eldar on the path of makin' eldar babies.
>>43524806
You know that does raise a lot of questions about how the eldar do it without falling to slaanesh.
>>43525771
They can still do it, they're just not allowed to enjoy it.
>>43500227
Rogue Motherfuckin' Trader. All day, 'ere day.
>>43500227
>Adeptus Biologicus
Spend my time vaccinating the masses of some medieval backwater planet.
So all I can say now is "dust...all is dust"
>>43500227
Can I be a girl? :3
>>43515245
The Emperor isn't really a race any more than Infinity Circuits are a race. He's essentially a mass storage device.
>>43519278
>implying i dont do that in real life
>>43500227
I choose DaemonOf chaos undivoded
>>43526774
This. If I couldn't be a Rogue Trader, I'd love to be a Sororita.
>>43500227
Guess I'm an Iron Warrior. See ya guys later, I'm off to build a fortress the size of a star.
>>43500470
This. Only reasonable answer is to be either Necron or Nid because all others are fucked one way or the other.
>>43500778
Yeah but as an Ork he won't give a shit so what does it matter?
>Be born as an Elysian.
>Inducted into the Imperial Guard at the age of 14
>Become an Elysian Drop Trooper by the time I am 16
>Drop against the enemies of the Imperium by 17
>Try not to die
>>43500227
> Gue'Vesa
> Tell Farsight his weapon is warp-powered and steals his foes lifespan to add to the bearer's
> Watch him commit ritualistic Space Sudoku
> Observe Farsight Enclave consume to ashes
> Be sitting in my basement on a Tau planet, shitposting on the Intaunet, and fapping to lewd pictures involving unspeakable fetishes.
That would be nice
>>43528536
I dedicate my eternity of existence to cock/vag/tentacle blocking ND
Go Necron
Hopefully retain some semblance of personality.
Work for this guy
>Get inducted into the Raptors
>Skip over all the usual codex astartes bullshit and actually get shit done
>Haha, time to operate
>As close to reasonable marines as possible
Mucranoids are for queers anyways.
>>43522201
best sidonia girl
>>43503926
>wake up as a cryptek
>remember I have other scientist buddies
>check Skypecron
>beam the message "we time traveller now" to friends faster than the speed of light thanks to sweet tachyon connection
>go on radical adventures through time till I get shitfucked by greenskins
feels good my necron
Researcher acolyte to a somewhat radical Ordo Xenos inquisitor. Fits my existing knowledge and skills and lets me serve the faction which, despite its flaws, is humanity's best chance at survival.
Sure, I'm likely to go insane, die horribly, or probably both, but I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.
>010101001000100101010010011010101001010101010101010101010101010101000010010111001010100
>Reinamation protocols begin
> the tomb world awakens with a crackling roar
>memories are downloaded faster than anything imaginable
> the sync with the world engine is quite empowering as the tendrils of time flow amongst the artifical sensors of the self knowing machine man
> the yearning of flesh begins again
> though it is quenched by the flux of power as the Necron Overlord approached the tesseract vault in a calculated risk of opening it
>50/50 were the odds
>the sequence was entered as fate took a gamble
DO I CONTINUE?!
>>43531013
AWAKEN MY ROBOT MASTERS
>>43500599
You know how Farsight does it, go get your own fucking Warp infused artifact.
>>43531013
>>43531013
continued..
> the overlord entered the secruity sequence only his royal court knew
> 1212212
> no other dynasty could comprehend such a code, for it was ascendant of binary
> The vault shivered and the tomb quaked and a luminescent light sprung forth
> a Full C'tan flowed before them with the expression of curiosity
"what would bring your dynasty to such desperation as to summon a unforgiving God"
>the overlord paused none intimidated before the wrathful deity for his power and command was absolute.
"i require your servic----"
>The Ctan shard unleashed blinding beams in every direction
> everything was being destroyed in the room and the Ctan was unleashing its power in cataclysmic destruction
> the overlord was vaporized in the cataclysm and the ctan was quite pleased with that
> yet nothing was more satisfied than the chronomancer who was ready to go back and fix his overlords mistakes..
CONTINUE>!>?
>>43531305
Affirmative
Ordo Chronos
it shall all be set right
>>43531370
alright i just finnished reading every oen elses stuff too =D
time to go on with the show
>>43500227
can I be one of those Ghostkeel commandos? they seem neat.
>>43525856
this guy gets it,
I'm going to spend my days being rich, suave and amazing.
>>43531305
>>43531013
continued
>In the realm of Chaos, Tzeench flickered with joy and excitement as it saw ripples in the web of fate, it knew the necrons were playing with powers equivlent of a true god.
> as a flash of darkness and light took place in the multiverse ( somthing like that of a computer restarting)
> the necron overlord felt and eyrie vibration along its sensory inputs as it stood before the tesseract vault
>foot steps began clinking along the metal tomb and echoed through the halls of a glowing city
"I would recalculate your next courses of actions for without my intervention all is lost" the chronomancer stated
> out of the shadows illuminated a figure, clad in metal and glowing with power, mystical fluctuations emitted from the being as it was cooling down the amount of energy it just exerted
"the C'tan will destroy you upon faulty communication, for these beings are so prideful as to not heed to command, you must deceive the deceiver through another way. the deceiver must want to help us...
>" What was it i said to of angered it?" said the Overlord
> " you asked for its "services" "with an ironic chuckle the chromancer stated the facts, "we must wait to try again, I have used my Chronomaton for now and it is still damaged from the slumber, there is somthing wrong with the recharge rate, possibly malfunctioning power cells, I must reawaken members of the court with your permission
> the overlord thought over the ambitions of the cryptek, he knew that the chronomancer wished to consult with his own court on the matter at hand.
>The god damn Sautekh dynasty and that metal bastard immotekh challenged our dynasty to a C'tan fight and our Ctan was too damn high a level to control, the only option was to capture another C'tan shard that would be controllable. a Full Ctan was just too much, and would quite possibly destroy the sautekh dynasty The overlord was very amused with such thoughts.
>>43530532
> Tacticool Marines
I was about to post this, but decided to read through the thread instead. Hah, now we get to be Operator Brothers and Operate Operationally.
> Customize your bolter to be as sexy as possible
> Get your shit kicked in at the firing range by Lias Issodon
> Get shooting advice from Lias Issodon
> Understand that your bolter will never be as sexy as Malice
> You won't care because it works just fine for Operating.
>>43531802
Should i keep going? im just making this up as i go along lol
>Choosing race
Hum. I'll do you one better. I'll tell you what I'd do if I were any race out of the playable factions.
Ork: Not much to do when you're an ork other than fuck shit up and try to be the biggest boss around.
'Nid: Like above, there's not much choice. I'd just omnomnom the shit out of everything.
Tau: I don't know much about the Tau, but I'd probably enjoy lying down with a rifle and capping any IG fools who stuck their head out of their trench.
Eldar: Shadow Spectre aspect. I'd love to just fly around cloaked and shoot shit with a fuckhueg gun. Biel-Tan if I can get it.Also, Banshee asses.
Dark Eldar: Torture? Torture.
But really, I feel like pirating would be fun. Just lots of that.
Spess Mureen: Dark Angel veteran sergeant. I want me a power sword! Hopefully, I'd get far enough in the ranks to learn about why the fuck the Lion is still hiding in the Rock.
Human:
1. Get into Naval officer program
2. Rise through the ranks
3. Do something really impressive
4. Get Warrant of Trade
5. Do whatever I damn well please
CSM: Preferably an Emperor's Children noise marine. I'd carry amps on my back and playkillersolos all day long.
'Cron: Cryptek? Maybe even a warrior. In any event, I'd get together with a large group of Warriors and wreck everything with Gauss equipment.
Rogue Trader would be the most fun, but I'd settle for CSM or Eldar.
>>43500227
Be a Custodes and put forward the idea of the emperor getting a text to speech device.
>>43515164
Thank you, at least someone else sees the brilliance of my plan. I want to just say a Man of Iron posing as a mechanicus priest I will make it my duty to enlighten humanity and to help these poor monkeys that created my kind but I will test them at any chance I get. I would be like loki, glados and, HK47 all rolled up into one robot covered in squishy meaty bits.
Also I would make a lasgun charge pack/fleshlight so that the guard would never run out of batteries but it would have a 1/1000 chance to laugh at you when you open your pants.
>>43501111
*triggers internally*
>>43500227
a human middle hive worker in the middle of buttfuck nowhere so far away from anywhere important that nobody would risk the warp to attempt an invasion
>>43501111
The way I've been telling my local gaming circle is that, "The Mechanicus recently rediscovered how to make Sigmar Pattern Terminator Armor.. They've been slowly rolling it out to all the chaptors".
Which explains precisely why I have a squad of 5 sigmarines in Camouflage power armor in my Raptors Army. Specifically my own rendition of a Swamp-camo pattern.
>>43500227
>You woke up in WH40K universe grimdark and edge will be a part of your life now. What are you going to do? Keep in mind you can chose your race.
Be Dark Eldar and raid the shit out of anyone and everything I can get my hands on, and use slaves to fuel the engines of my Corsair.
Ork. I proceed to use all my knowledge of the lore in 40k to out Tzeentch Tzeentch. As a Ork.
Just as planned my mushroom ass! Screw you chaos!
>>43500227
Become a Fire-Caste Tau and pilot Crisis suits.
Might as well have some mecha in my life if I'm gonna be in the shithole that is the year 40,000.
>get to look fabulous as fuck and use the webway
>Worship Cegorach, the Jerry Seinfeld of the 40k universe
>participate in fusion-pistol related sketch comedy
>the last thing my enemies will ever lay eyes upon is the shit-eating grin of my mask before I kill them
>lots and lots of spandex
sounds like a blast
>>43533796
>50 50 chance of being raped for eternity
>>43533809
Better make sure I get my ass into a wraithguard when I die then.
>>43500227
Gonna be Eldar, just chilling on my craftworld, dating hawt eldar chicks, practicing my artistic skills, and occasionally joining war cohorts as a guardian to fuck up some dirty lesser races.
Life is ez.
>>43525771
>>43525807
Enjoyment isn't forbidden from the Eldar, you dipshits.
The paths just ensure that the Eldar do not fall into the trappings of excess.
>>43530028
pretty much this
>>43534007
Are the paths basically weaponized autism?
More importantly, is there a line between being freaky and the realm of Slaanesh? If so, where? Murderfucking? BDSM? Golden Showers?
>>43533796
if you're going to go eldar, clownpussi is objectively the best choice.
>>43533949
Right up till Space Marines blow up your craftworld and you get nommed by Slaanesh.
>>43534375
>implying spesh muhreens are capable of destroying any of the major craftworlds.
Top kek.
>>43534375
>Right up till Space Marines
>mfw the monkeighs think that finding a few no name craftworlds means they can find Biel-tan or Alaitoc
>>43534353
>your harlequin waifu will neverhit you in the face with the cum filled water balloons she keeps hidden beneath her jumpsuit
>>43500596
FUCKING CHAOS LEAVE
REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
i'll become the chaos god of chaos gods
>>43502014
>>43503166
>>43506035
Necrons are bitter and hateful creatures who find it hard to process positive due to not having a soul.
Being soulless also gnaws at their being and they suffer degrees of insanity. Is this something you want to be?
Techpriest Gue'vesa.
>>43500893
If I were an Inquisitor and one of my acolytes suddenly started telling me hidden and heretical knowledge I'd just assume he was pactising with daemons or something and purge him.
Being the Inquisitor sounds best to me.
You all lack vision. Daemons are great, but you'll get bound into a weapon or permanently destroyed by some fucking GreyKnight or Tzeech after a bit. Necrons aren't bad, but you'd get perma-killed after a bit (and I would hate living in a body without any of the pleasures of the flesh - eating, drinking, sex...)
Be the Hive Mind!
>Be pan-galactic super-intelligence
>Be effecticely unkillable as long as you have one hive ship left - and seeing as you spilt up and go for 3 galaxies intead of one (because it is safer, if slower), you're pretty much unkilllable.
>Use my knowledge of 40k to pick best places to attack, and actually use lictors as they should - as intelligence gatherers for the hive mind who eat the brains of adepta officials to know which planets to go for first to cripple the others.
>Laugh as you destroy the Chaos gods by eating everyone with emotions, and the Necrons as you just build actual material technology with Genestealer slaves and knowledge stolen from Necron tombs.
>>43535801
You forgot :
>Have control of billions of bodies at once, all of which can have orgasms if you engineer them to
>Can make your own waifus and stuff - nothing forces you to make everything super-killy and ugly!
>>43500227
>be navigator
>everyone fucking leaves me alone to play vidya in my quarters in between warp jumps
>dad even fixes me up with a wife at some point
Good.
>not being a xanthite iquisitor of the ordo xenos and eventually falling into the depths and becoming a phaenonite after letting your knowledge of the emporer's colossal fuckups lead you to hate him as a tyrant who crushed innocent lives and brought about a theocracy by virtue of his own idiocy
ISHYGDDT
>>43500227
Join the Vostroyans and die for the emperor
>>43500227
Imperial Guardsman number 547.729.541.378.547
Just gonna try to survive, and if I fail to survive, take as many of them with me as I can.
>>43534804
nigga, Rome was led by a man who attacked the fucking water to kill a god
We spend millions of hours at flat screens, yelling at people we'll never meet and wanting approval from folks we've never met
There are petrabytes of recorded sex, not counting the innumerable ancient artifacts of ancient societies adorned in sexual acts. Rome had sex coins for the gods' sakes!
We host battles with tiny little men and pay hand over fist for such little plastic bits
One of our probes landed on a planet and promptly drew genitalia on it
We burned people for having sex with someone we didn't want
Russia once had ships that bombed themselves, then landed at a few islands and suffered over 16 different mutinies.
We are ALREADY insane.
The Necron just don't have to care about it anymore.
>>43500227
>be exodite
>easy life in touch with nature
>not as autistic as CWE
>not as batshit insane as DE
>get to ride a dinosaur
>get to make plenty of eldar children with eldar wife
>get to live in unpolluted, unsoiled planet with fresh air, watching the sunsetwhile holding hands
>join my ancestors and nature in the world spirit when I die, looking after my planet and offspring forever
>>43535944
That is until some random DE kabal, Ork Waagh, Tyranid splinter fleet, Imperial Crusade, Chaos warband, or basically anything really comes, and fucks up your world, with you, and your offspring, being completely powerless to do anything about it, because you are a bunch of amish elves that can't defend your fucking world without the CWE backing you up.
ITT: Fools.
>be Stryxis
>trade loot
>have four eyes
>shoot space elves with death rays sometimes
>>43536030
The one faction that dindu nothing wrong in the entire 40k universe and goes for non-violence gets screwed over by everyone. Duh.
Even the beloved "can't do wrong" Tau are oppressive shitheads compared to them.
>>43536227
>The one faction that dindu nothing wrong in the entire 40k
Many exodite worlds were Necron awakening watchposts and the Eldar exodite descendants continue the duty of watching for Necron awakening.
The exodites are living on Necrontyr worlds and are a part of the Eldar persecution of the Necrons.
They are not innocent.
>>43536275
>persecuting the necrons
>wrong
Pick one.
>>43507442
>>43536331
But Anon-
Necrontyr were legit persecuted by the Eldar/ Old Ones for no real reason besides
"Fuck you, got mine, go suck a cancer dick you half-lifes"
>>43536356
>implying necrons weren't bitter old fucks that wanted to ruin everyone's fun because they couldn't have any
>>43535917
>Russia once had ships that bombed themselves, then landed at a few islands and suffered over 16 different mutinies.
I want to know more about that
>>43536356
Wrong again Carnac.
The Necrontyr were bitter, infighting bunch of cunts, whose rulers simply used their mutual jealousy over the peaceful Old Ones as an excuse to unite against them, so that the infighting Necrontyr dynasties wouldn't wage war on one another instead.
The Necrontyr were the bad guys from the get go, and deserved EVERYTHING that they got. They are single handedly the reason why the galaxy is so shitty.
>>43536428
EXODITES DINDU NUTING WRONG.
>>43536436
Correct.
They just want to live peacefully in harmony with the nature and shit.
>>43536459
Wait guys, did we find the one and only faction that is unabashedly good in the grimderpness of 40k?
>>43536428
The War in Heaven could have prevented in the Old Ones just gave the Necrontyr what they wanted? So the Old Ones were at fault. Also the Old Ones had prescience and that tells you something about how fucked up they are.
>>43536459
Except for the fact that they came and settled planet that are not theirs and then transformed perfect and beautiful sterile worlds into a cesspools of repugnant life.
They know that the planets are not theirs and they continue to ensure that their original owners never comeback to reclaim them.
>>43536466
>read things about the old ones
>read people claiming the Emperor was a bad dad and a failure
I think Emps was a pretty solid upgrade from the massive fuckups that were the Old Ones, and that is saying something.
>>43536466
No, it wouldn't have been.
Even if the Necrontyr had gotten the tech from Old ones, they would have still in time, united against them, and tried to kill them, because again, the core reason the Necrontyr started the war had nothing to do with the Old ones. The Old ones were simply an excuse of an enemy, to unify the infighting dynasties that were on the brink of warring against one another.
So at best, if the Old ones had caved into the Necrontyr demands, they would have delayed the War in Heaven for a bit. It was bound to happen, because of the nature of the Necrontyr, who are basically the Niggers of 40k.
A bunch of infighting, short sighted, and foolish "GIBS ME DAT" cunts, who by their very nature, were bound to just shit all over everything.
>>43536500
>Eldars are the asians
>Imperium is white people
What does that make the Tau?
>inb4 communism is a race
>>43536512
Hindu.
>>43536522
>designated
>shitting
>hives
I was thinking about Rogue Trader. Kind of terrifying when you consider it. You live on the command deck. Under your feet there is a multitude of horrors. Men turned into living machines, soullessly grinding away their lives in labyrinths of wires and iron. Degenerate gangs of mutants who've never seen the light of day and consider you a vengeful God. Communities of workers vaguely aware that they have lived their entire life on a ship. Witch cults. Gangs. Rogue machines. Alien parasites and probably some small number of Genestealers. And to top it all off the only way to get anywhere is to crash through the gates of hell, after firing up a millennium old, barely understood, void shield designed to protect you from the collective Id monsters and super egos of the entirety of the Milky Way galaxy. Fuck that. I choose to be a particularly dense patch of Rubber Moss.
>>43536500
No, there would be no justification the Triarch can use to unite the Necrontyr.
The Necrontyr would enjoy their immortality an continue to fragment as an empire. People tend to foget that the warlike and death worshiping nature of the Necrontyr was caused by their painfully short lives. Remove that and you remove what made the Necrontyr bitter and hateful.
>>43536616
The only justification they needed in the first place was simply the existence of the Old ones. Without the jealousy of the immortality thing, the Triarch would simply come up with another excuse to unify the Necrontyr against the Old ones, in order to avoid the Empire from being fragmented.
Again, War in Heaven was bound to happen, no matter what the Old ones did, because like the niggers they are, the Necrontyr were bound to shit up the galaxy.
Ork. Wake up in paradise.
>>43500227
Settle down and start a family
>>43536674
That's one big what if.
The Necrontyr just wanted to punish the Old Ones for their refusal to grant them immortality, and wanted to beat the secrets of immortality. What other excuse is there that would compel the "immortal" Necrontyr to fight the Old Ones? Nothing. The Necrontyr had better technology and ruled much of the galaxy. They would fall on each other and the War of succession would continue.
>>43536740
Any other convenient excuse. The Old ones could be seen as a potential threat, or simply just standing in the way of Necrontyr expansion.
But it is pointless to discuss these what ifs, since again, the core reason why War in Heaven began had nothing to do with the Old ones, and everything to do with the shitty nature of the Necrontyr. Had the Old ones caved in to the Necrontyr demands, another excuse would have in time, been used to unify the splintering Necrontyr against the Old ones.
The Necrontyr were the core cause of the war, and nothing the Old ones could have done would have prevented the war from occurring, because the Necrontyr were bound to shit up the galaxy.
Stop defending the niggers of 40k.
>>43507365
Nice try deathguard.
How about you go chill on your own ship. Fool me once shame on me
>>43536783
Whatever your beliefs about what was the cause of the war are, you must admit that it was the Old Ones over reliance on the Warp and mass production of psychic species that caused the setting to be as grimdark as it is.
The Necron fixed the bloodthirsty deities that they spawned by sharding them and sealing them up. The deities and horrors the Old Ones spawned continue to plague the galaxy. As a bonus the Necrons, if the Great Work is still canon, are working on redeeming the Old Ones mistake too.
>>43536833
The Old one's actions were merely reactions to Necrontyr aggression.
>>43500227
Honestly, I would be rather fine just being an everyday schmuk in one of Terra hives.
Processing paperwork 9 to 5, watching propaganda-filled movies, going to overcrowded pubs with servitors pouring some awful but high-alcohol urine together with my coworkers, praying to the God-Emperor daily and providing my local Inquisition agent with all the blackmailing material he needs. Someday I would probably marry some once-cute Engiseer girl working on ventilation system of my apartment bloc. We'll have lots of vanilla-missionary-position-no-light-under-blanket sex and she'll pop me three sons, who'll all, after a somewhat rocky childhood filled with regular Arbites visits, end up joining Imperial Guard in their younger years, leaving for some faraway war and never returning back. My wife will die a natural death (she was already 85 when I married her, after all) a few years later, leaving me to company of Arbites listening bugs and all-knowing God Emperor. I would then sign up to PDF, spending my late years throwing cards with acne-ridden underage recruits in the backroom of an ancient stubgun storehouse, using my day-offs to finally see some of Holy Terra - the Palace, Astronomicon, Titanolith, megaforges of Kavkaz and hives of Panpacifica. Maybe I'll see a Custodian from far away one day. Maybe even one of the High Lords. That would be something to remember. That would be what I'll be thinking about when I take a ricocheting bullet while standing in a human cordon when food riots in the next-door hive will push the enforcers to ask for extra manpower.
Now that would be a life worth livin'
>>43536879
Do you even realpolitik? Everyone's actions are always "merely reactions" to the opponent's supposed "aggression". In the end both sides end up assuming the worst about their opponent, acting on it and proving him right in his suspicions. And if one side doesn't - it ceases to exist.
That's how it goes - two different unsupervised entities meet, influence each other and end up with conflicting interests, which leads to hostility. In the process one side eventually takes out the other, becoming a bit too like their enemy in process. GOTO 10, proceed ad infinum.
That's the nature of conflict - the probable basis of this universe, and the definite basis of 40k one.
>be rich noble in Imperium on some sweet planet
>live crazy luxurious life for like, 400 years
>never have to work or fight or anything
>>43512923
>be C'tan
>team up with Ordo Xenos Inquisitor
>save the galaxy
>repeatedly
>give corny speeches about Truth and Justice while you do it
>>43500227
Ordo Xenos Lord Inquisitor.
I'm just another cog in the machine, but at least I'm a slightly more important cog. And I'm basically free to do as I wish as long as it's within the Imperium's best wishes. Make a couple bros with the Imperial Guard and Deathwatch, overall have a great adventure.
Better than being a Rogue Trader, and more limited in some respects. But I get to do fun things like pic related. Hide and seek turned all the way up to 11.
>>43502513
>Stay warboss of Galaxies greatest Ork horde until the heat death of the universe.
except the ending is even better than that
>Ghazzy shows up to the party and brings his Waaagh!
>bro fists and brouhahas with the biggest and best there ever wuz
>be the final piece to uniting the orks
>summon gork and mork and usher in da aporkalypse
>>43538205
Ghazzy iz de avatar o' Mork, I'z de avatar o' Gork.
We'z gonna krump da galaxy.
>>43524806
>Be a species close to extinction.
>Use your females as warriors.
>>43500227
Be rogue trader, inquisitor or reasonably powerful noble. Swim in hot alien pussy.
>>43503926
Before we start...
Are necrons in this context equipped with robot wieners?
Because if yes... then I will take the ballin robot bawwdy as a newcron noble and enjoy all the pleasures the universe has to offer.
All of them.
>>43535801
>>43535816
>Can make your own waifus and stuff - nothing forces you to make everything super-killy and ugly!
>>43536353
Yes, yes...
TEAM UP WITH ME, AND TOGETHER WE SHALL WAIFU THE UNIVERSE!!!
>All these firecaste fags wanting to pilot their gay robot shit
>Get assigned assigned to bait cadres on their first day.
Meanwhile me and my thick earthcaste harem are having fun developing and testing battlesuits while in complete safety.
>>43530028
>>43503166
>tfw you will never be the comfiest Necron lord Trayzin "Dude, give me your coolest stuff" The Infinite.
There's just something awesome about a silly necron going around the galaxy collecting cool shit.
>>43535725
Inquisitor it is then.
>>43500227
>choose your race
Then I shall become a C'tan. Last of the unsharded Star Gods (possibly barring one), master of the Materium, an untouchable presence of pure energy above the petty conflicts in the galaxy.
And then I'll call up the Outsider and Void dragon, see if they're up for forming a LAN party with whatever passes in the Imperium for vidya.
>>43541222
>dat pic
Lets be honest, If a Cron of sufficiently high power wanted to teleport to a Sororita dormitory and casually walk into one room after the other and leaf through sororita pantie drawers, possibly stopping once in a while to take selfies, he could.Jesus christ I want to be a necron so bad right now.
>>43541290
What do you think the Necrons are?
I would be an eldar with a c'tan container (like the iron man heart) and i will open a disco named The Crypt of the Necrondancer
>>43541460
Necrons are too busy reunificating
>>43541460
The Necrons are scared of even a Shard going out of control.
>>43541460
Not invited to the LAN party, that's for sure.
>>43541468
But if we're allowed to set backgrounds as well as racial choices, imagine how fun being one of the last surviving loyalist primarchs would be.Hint: Not very
There is only one choice I could choose. I will be the cultist summoning down the most beautiful creature in all of creation! And she will fall through the gloaming from the stars and all of the world will be consumed by her glory!
I'll have a big family of brothers and sisters and we'll spread the faith across all the worlds of the IoM. Tau and Eldar are invited too! No more racism or xenophobia! Everyone has a place in her scheme!
>pic related. Hot Alien Waifu.
>>43524806
Heterosexual intercourse in the missionary position for the sole purpose of reproduction followed by a firm handshake.
>>43542357
>a firm handshake
Oh, so you're just gonna out and out pencil Slaanesh into your day planner, then?
Fuckin' sicko.
>>43530028
>>43503166
>>43541342
>Trayzin "I keep them all in their original packaging" the Infinite
>Trayzin "reaper of collector's edition box-sets" the Infinite
>Trayzin "necrodermis neckbeard" the Infinite
>Trayzin "Sly Cooper of 40k" the Infinite
>Trayzin "Dude, where's my primarch?" the Infinite
>Trayzin "I stole Eldradd's favorite dakimakura" the Infinite
>Trayzin "If it's alive in a stasis field it's a figma collectible to me" the Infinite
>>43501830
>tau
>family
>>43501830
>be dead at 40
it's like being a jap but somehow even worse
>>43501831
I guess you can get used to not having your balls anymore.
>>43544653
>it's like being a jap but somehow even worse
I dunno, some of those blue babes are kinda hot. . . Wait, that just reinforces your point. Nevermind.
>>43544560
>just your friendly neighborhood space monster
>>43544889
smoogy best Sidonia girl
>>43544499
Slaanesh?
The so called ruinous powers lead only to violence and and strife. Once upon a time I too felt the draw of a destructive path of vainglory and selfishness. I opened my heart to the star born ones and they taught me that peace and family were far more important than anything the so called 'Gods' of Chaos could offer. One day our Gods will fall to earth and, if our little family gets its way, everyone will throw down their weapons and be accepted into the unity!
>>43545007
>that moment when you realise david miscavige, the head of the Church of scientology is actually in the process of becoming a Daemon Prince of Tzeentch.
>>43530532
My tacticool nigga
>>43544572
>Trazyn "first edition virginity" the Infinite
>Trazyn "it's cheaper to steal in bulk" the Infinite
>Trazyn "Galactic Picker" the Infinite
>Trazyn "I want this more than you need it" the Infinite
>Trazyn "get in the fucking stasis field" the Infinite
>Trazyn "what's yours is now mine' the Infinite
>Trazyn "top artifact" the Infinite
>>43545665
>Trayzin "I've already completed the Salamander's scavenger hunt" the Infinite
>Trayzin "The golden throne would make a neat coffetable" the Infinite
>Trayzin "The first ticket in at Sandiego Necronicon M41" the Infinite
>Trayzin "I'm not stealing you're body, just pirating it" the Infinite
>Trayzin "Costco shopping is for chumps" the Infinite
>Trayzin "Owns a sex toy from every species for aesthetic purposes" the Infinite
>Trayzin "Ooh, free samples!" the Infinite
>Trayzin "Antiques Roadshow Extreme Edition" the Infinite
>>43530532
Either this or an operator-as-fuck Eldar. If I am craftworld, Striking Scorpion. If not, Ranger. I honestly can't decide yet.
Either way. My operatin' nigga.
>>43545174
>>43546220
>our fellow chapters call us cowards
>yet they run blindly into battle and are cut down like dogs
>but we, we plan and think in response to our surroundings
>the last thing to fall on the ears of mankind's enemies?
SUPRISE MOTHERFUCKER
>>43546288
Up close AND far away!
