>>44650393
> Char goes back to Ulthuan trying to reconnect with his roots, and find his father. Search is not successful and life is hard in high elf land due to wood elf upbringing. Char's combat skills though are noticed by swordmasters of hoeth, and he gets recruited. Spends years training with them and is redeployed in the Old World as an agent/spy for the Tower of hoeth
> After some years spent developing a network in Altdorf, Char discovers tracks of the daemon possessing his dead wife, and goes on pursuit seeking revenge.

Thoughts? Ideas for improvements? Post yours!

>>44650393
>>44650417

(Forgot to state that is WFRP setting)

File: Mary Sue.png (24 KB, 1169x737) Image search: [Google]

24 KB, 1169x737

>>44650393
Did some just call for the King of the Elves?

>>44650620
care to elaborate?

>>44650393
tl;dr

>>44650620
>>44650980

> constructive criticism

>>44650393
nothing awful in this, I think.
I'd like to know a bit more about his personality, and would like to know how he reacted to major events in his life and how they changed him.

Dat double treason, though. You're really bad at choosing your associates.
Maybe just him saying "fuck it, I want no part in this" after loosing to badelf and going in exile would be sufficient instead of the murder plot, but it all depends of what you want to do with it.

Too long. Get it down to three parargraphs.

>>44651169
"tl;dr" is constructive criticism: it means "write a shorter version and people may be more inclined to read it and give their opinion about it". I'm not trying to be insulting or anything, I tend to write too long descriptions myself, and the end result is that almost nobody bothers to read it all. Then where's your constructive criticism?

>>44651261
Not OP, but personally, if someone can't be bothered to read even a description that short (it's really not that long, as far as I'm concerned), then they have the attention span of a gold fish.

>>44650393
>Boy mistaken as the subject of a prophecy since he was young
>Trained by the greatest tutors the land can provide, including his father, a former hero
>Mother killed by the enemy he's prophecied to destroy, he throws himself into his training
>A young woman, the real subject of prophecy, appears
>Almost immediately he's abandoned by those who saw him as a hero before
>Father still loves him despite all this, but trains the woman as well
>Becomes bitter, trains even further and impossibly hard to become her superior
>Technically better at fighting than her, but 'destiny' or sheer luck causes him to lose every match with her
>The dam breaks when his rival apologizes for what she's done to his life
>In a fury and refusing to be pitied, he seeks out his destiny somewhere else
The issue with this is that it has to be a game where I can justify min-maxing my character, and having a character with more than level 1 ability. Like a game where everyone starts at level 3.
Things not added but considering:
>One reason he left is because he discovered he was falling in love with his rival, and couldn't stand to be her inferior
>This affection is reciprocated, or exists whether he reciprocates it or not.

Links with the rest of the party, please?

>>44651261
His BG is 8 items long. I've seen dungeon crawler chars with that much backstory.
Do you really think that warrants a tl;dr?

>>44651424
That's pretty cool. I really like it.
Throw in some schismatics that believe he's still the chosen one and I'm sold. Makes place for some politics, and it's always fun to have people believe in you when you know they're wrong.

Concerning the relationship, is the girl another PC ?
Whether you decide or not to include it, I would keep it for mid-game. She's the resaon your mother died, your life was ruined, and if you stay with her you're gonna be nothing more than her shadow and you'll be seeing what you could have been in a perfect world everytime you look at her. That doesn't leave a lot of place for love to bloom unless you go away to cool for some time and put things into perspective.

Also, what is the game about ?

>>44651261
I seriously don't think i can make a shorter version than that, given that this specific char is 110 years old and the result of 3 years of monthly sessions, and keep it enough tridimensional for useful criticism.

I'll try to write a goldfish version for that, and after that I'll laugh at how banalized it will be compared to the already lite version in OP.

>>44650393
> a bars who was so bad at singing that a wizzard came along and cursed him
> he can't sing anymore. Every time he tries his throat begings to spasm and he can't exhale
> he attempted to find the wizzard who did this to him, but the wizzard died shortly after he cursed the bard. Nobody knows how to uncruse him anymore.
> now the bard is trying his hardest to find a solution for his problem. He began to study magic (and the actual theory of music) as well as curses and their removal
> 50/50 chance he will get really sad or really angry when he hears someone sing (yes, I will roll for that)

>>44651657
Eh, I've considered either making this character as an NPC, part of a campaign (in the case of PC controlling prophesy girl romance would probably be dropped to reduce cringe) or running it myself after pitching it to the DM.
>Throw in some schismatics that believe he's still the chosen one and I'm sold. Makes place for some politics, and it's always fun to have people believe in you when you know they're wrong.
Part of the reason I've considered making him an NPC to harass or rival with the party is because he would act edgy to get those people to go away- and stop reminding him that he's not actually 'important'. Breaking that shell would be a major development.
He's not villainous, but he might work for a villain if they're duplicitous enough and.or it gives him a chance to challenge his rival again- even though he knows he'll lose.
In the case that the PC's character decides he's hunky or whatever I might acquiesce to it, but I don't think I could seriously listen to that interaction in person without being super uncomfortable.

>>44651424
I don't personally like prophecies and social relationship based on combat, because it reminds me too much of dragon ball and other anime-like stories. But still, that's just my personal opinion.
This however is a very nice spin over this concept, i like it.

first character:
She was originally named viconia (abyss wand), she changed it to vicynrae (abyss heretic) after exiling herself. A powerful cleric who had just come of age, she chose not to become a priestess, but became a house spell caster for the House Zauana (Children of the night). However her latent powers were so strong, even without being fully developed, that she became a threat to the priestess-hood. Like all drow she guarded herself carefully against poisons and because of her skills, she was not easy to assassinate. The priestesses thought carefully and decided to challenge her to a competition of magic as a trial of Lolth However it was rigged so that she could not win, and when she lost, she was declared to have lost the favor of Lolth, and was tortured by the priestesses. While being held by them in a cell, she managed to escape by seducing a male drow guard, and ran off, into the wild part of the Underdarkness. This created a lot of resentment in her, towards her home city, and although she still believes in Lolth, she does not support the priestess-hood, that tortured her. She is a bit unstable mentally, and prone to fits of anger. She still sometimes dreams of home and her House and returning, though she knows she cannot, having lost all that she did. Originally her partner came to visit her in her hiding spot, bringing food wine, and hallucinogens but she stopped coming to visit abruptly. Vicynrae has no idea what happened but strongly suspects her partner was over-powered, tortured and killed when she wouldn’t release Vicynrae’s hiding spot. This motivates Vicynrae even further to want revenge against the priestesses and against her house who did not defend her.

>>44651869
I like it, though the triggered temper bit seems like it could be problematic depending on the group.

second character:
Artmesia is a tiefling. She is only a small part devil but looks quite devilish, causing her mostly human mother and human father to give her away shortly after it became apparent she could not blend in with humans (when she was about 3). it was mostly the father who wanted her given away; he believed (incorrectly) that his wife had been unfaithful to him with a tiefling or devil.
At first she lived with relatives and then when they couldn't handle her, with a well positioned family friend who was a bard. This family friend was her role model and she looked up to her, and in exchange she taught her tricks of the trade. This is what lead to her becoming a bard and working for nobles to earn a living. However recently she decided she had enough of their "dog and pony" shows and became a bounty hunter, looking for a life closer to what feels like home for her. Her family friend passed away a few years ago, and so she feels no longer compelled to live a respectable life. She has no siblings as her parents feared making a second "monstrosity". She still does see her parents occasionally though, her father less often however.

>>44652054
>>44652078
also keep in mind I'm a relative newb to D&D and to that universe

>>44652054
>She is a bit unstable mentally, and prone to fits of anger.
>So powerful when young she threatens the authorities
...Could you not?
>>44652078
Actually solid except for the part where she becomes a bounty hunter.
...Why would she do that? Does she somehow have combat experience or is she just throwing herself into it?

>>44652188
Yeah I want a good reason for her to have been kicked out of the drow city she lived in, as a reason for her joining the party but I might fix that up, do you have any suggestions?
For Artmesia, I was thinking more like she wanted a life that was different from being put on show for nobles. Once again I was looking for an excuse for her to join the party and once again I'm open to suggestions

>>44651198
Thank you very much for your contribution anon, i appreciate it a lot.
At the moment I'm thinking about making him not very friendly or talkative with other party members because of past treasons and friends death, focused on the mission at hand due to revenge feelings, and deadly precise at following it.
I'll try to sneak in subtle details that may tell his past, like wardancer tattoos under swordmaster armor, details that should be contrasting and revealing of his double nature and past.
Loss of innocence, cynism and unenthusiasm, not wanting to bond with people that may die or betray him tomorrow are the general concepts I'm trying to work with.

You're right about the assassination, it's not really necessary to the story, I guess I just wanted some powerful antagonist for when my char is going back to Loren to prove his innocence, or whatever the DM will present to me.

>>44652296
>Yeah I want a good reason for her to have been kicked out of the drow city she lived in, as a reason for her joining the party but I might fix that up, do you have any suggestions?
Drow are notorious backstabbing cunts in most, if not all, Dungeons and Dragons settings. Honestly, the fact that she exists and can cast spells at all would give drow a reason to kill her.

File: mary-sue-must-die-large.jpg (88 KB, 600x314) Image search: [Google]

88 KB, 600x314

>>44650393
>>44651256
>>44651261

goldfish attentionspan/ tldr version of OP

> wfrp wood/sea elf, noble born, raised in Loren and struggling with wood elf society due to mixed blood. Very good at combat and decent social skills
> goes adventuring, loses a friend to chaos, goes back to Loren, training to protect it from chaos attacks, becomes wardancer.
> argues over human refugees within Loren with a political adversary, loses the argument, humans are slaughtered instead of simply driven off. Framed over assassination of adversary's father, forced to go in exile and renounces nobility
> adventure time 2.0, finds love, love is sacrificed by another party member, and possessed by slaanesh daemon. Party member is killed, daemon disappears. Char says fuck it, goes back to ulthuan
> struggles with ulthuan society due to wood elf upbringing, is recruited by swordmasters noticing his exceptional combat skills
> back to old world as a spy/agent for swordmasters, discovers new tracks of daemon possessing his dead wife, starts revenge pursuit.

Advices and criticism welcome.

>>44651424
Neat. Nothing else to say.
>>44652073
Eh. How often will char actually come across someone who sings in a standard campaign? Might happen once or twice, and since he knows to stay away from taverns and inns and the like he won't be trouble there either. Only problem would be that he can't follow them inside if needed, or he will have to roll and see what happens.
Maybe I will make it so that on a 1 ge get's angry, on a 20 he gets sad, and on anything else nothing happens. Don't know. As you said: depends on the group.
>>44652054
> However her latent powers were so strong, even without being fully developed, that she became a threat to the priestess-hood.
Whenever you notice that you write something where your character is above average, stop and think. Why is your character so immensely above average? Can the same effect be accomplished by something else? Will it have any effect on the game?
You could easily leave out the part where your character is better than anyone else at (thing), and replace it with a relationship she had with someone, which upset the priestesses.
Other than that, quite nice.>>44652296
Artmesia is really well done, exept for the bounty hunter part.
Maybe her bard mentor was killed by some monsters or so, and she felt like she had to change something about this world that turned more and more to shit with evrry murder and evey crime. A little Batman never hurts.

>>44651914
>I don't personally like prophecies and social relationship based on combat, because it reminds me too much of dragon ball and other anime-like stories.
One part of me wants to pull a 'the prophesy was a sham/It was within you all along/self-fulfilling prophesy', the other part of me wants to play it straight.
Additionally, I was planning to have him fall in love with her not because of her combat ability, but because she's genuinely a good person and was kind to him despite all of the hullabaloo surrounding her.
It would be a late realization a long time in the making.

>>44652377
yeah that does fit with what I read in Drow of the Underdark
>>44652672
yeah I'm starting to think she's a bit over powered, and I don't want her to be too strong because I'm starting her at a low level.
And yeah I'll think about Artmesia's motivations a bit more.
I don't want her to be too Batmanish, but I mean she is Neutral Good, so that's possible.
Thanks everyone for advising me.
I will post re-writes shortly

Artmesia is a tiefling. She is only a small part devil but looks quite devilish, causing her mostly human mother and human father to give her away shortly after it became apparent she could not blend in with humans (when she was about 3). it was mostly the father who wanted her given away; he believed (incorrectly) that his wife had been unfaithful to him with a tiefling or devil.
At first she lived with relatives and then when they couldn't handle her, with a well positioned family friend who was a bard. This family friend was her role model and she looked up to her, and in exchange she taught her tricks of the trade. This is what led to her becoming a bard and working for nobles to earn a living. However recently she decided she had enough of their "dog and pony" shows and decided to switch careers. This was influenced by the fact that monsters killed her family friend a few years ago. Artmesia wanted revenge on the monsters and also no felt longer compelled to live a respectable life. She has no siblings, as her parents feared making a second "monstrosity". She still does see her parents occasionally though, her father less often however.

>>44651885
Based on your first post I thought that going away from his rival in the first place was so he could stop defining himself against her (and in a bad light since she's so superior to him).
I would picture him trying to build a reputation at the point of his sword, being very stubborn, either in an idealistic (always do what is right) or a pragmatic way(accomplish the quest no matter the costs). And coming to terms with his previous life and going back to his hometown/helping his rival overcove his mother's killer would be the end of his spiritual journey. Accepting that he doesn't have to be the best, and that he has to live for himself, not others or a prophecy.
I could see such a character lashing at people that reminds him of the prophecy, but someone raised his whole life to put an end to evil doing a moral 180° without an external factor ? I have a hard time imagining that. Maybe as a disillusioned vet after a few years wasted away, but fresh out of training ?

But that's my interpretation anyways; it's your char, you got the drive and more data.

>>44653299
btw I forgot to say this is the edited bio.
I decided to give her the batman motivation

here's the edited bio of Vicynrae
Originally named viconia (abyss wand), she changed it to vicynrae (abyss heretic) after exiling herself. A cleric who had just come of age, she chose not to become a priestess, but became a house wizard for the House Zauana (Children of the night). However she was believed by the priestesses to pose a threat to the priestess-hood. Like all drow she guarded herself carefully against poisons and because of her skills, she was not easy to assassinate. The priestesses thought carefully and decided to challenge her to a competition of magic as a trial of Lolth However it was rigged so that she could not win, and when she lost, she was declared to have lost the favor of Lolth, and was tortured by the priestesses. While being held by them in a cell, she managed to escape by seducing a male drow guard, and ran off, into the wild part of the Underdarkness. This created a lot of resentment in her, towards her home city, and although she still believes in Lolth, she does not support the priestess-hood, that tortured her. She still sometimes dreams of home and her House and returning, though she knows she cannot, having lost all that she did. Originally her partner came to visit her in her hiding spot, bringing food wine, and hallucinogens but she stopped coming to visit abruptly. Vicynrae has no idea what happened but strongly suspects her partner was over-powered, tortured and killed when she wouldn’t release Vicynrae?s hiding spot. This motivates Vicynrae even further to want revenge against the priestesses and against her house who did not defend her.

>>44653021
I'm more against combat-based social relationship than against prophecies, actually. I don't know, I just find it childish, maybe because i watched a lot of dragonball as a kid.

Anyway, your plan is sound and very good imo, should be a nice character development. As for the prophecy i'd play it straight, ie: she's the chosen one. Maybe your character can still be fundamental for the prophecy, saving her from certain death, or due to falling in love with her.

>>44653327
>I could see such a character lashing at people that reminds him of the prophecy, but someone raised his whole life to put an end to evil doing a moral 180° without an external factor ? I have a hard time imagining that. Maybe as a disillusioned vet after a few years wasted away, but fresh out of training ?
Here's the thing- Not a lot of villains can realistically build a sizeable powerbase while being puppy-kicking edgelords. He'd probably end up in some army or other earning his stripes that way, eventually getting fed up of taking orders or walking off due to his conscience causing him to leave.
If he would fight for a villain, it would be a villain who could convince him that he was in the right.

>>44652362
Sounds good.
Why would such a disillusioned person join adventurers, though? Just to find his former wife?
That should be a sufficient reason, but I would be cautious since such a single-minded character can easily become the source of conflict in the party, especially considering that he's not gonna be very friendly with them. I suggest you throw some good traits that may make likeable to the others PCs (or just helping them with their sidequests), or npcs that knew him before he became a shell of his past self. Maybe work that point with the DM.

>I just wanted some powerful antagonist for when my char is going back to Loren to prove his innocence,
Simply having Badelf in a position of power (and worried about the potential threat to his autority that you char may represent) would be enough IMO. Maybe consider something like "oh shit, I seized his lands but he has never been explicitely exiled" or "my political oppenents are gonna use him against me".
He can try to frame you char then (and it makes for a potential investigation session).

And that's just me, but I would put a bit more emphasis on his first buddy, since that's apparently the beginning of his downfall.

>>44650393
I find the story quite interesting and would love to hear more. The thing with him both beign a wardancer and a sword-master seems quite out of place an quite unrealistic as both elves are quite xenophobic but can be accepted 7/10.
If this is a background for an NPC it's great.
But if this is a background story for your player character for before the game starts, it doesn't seem that good. Most of this characters story has already been told, his best friend has already died and he has already found and lost his one love. The stories left for this guy are either repeats (which is a big no-no in my gm'ing book) or nothing as epic as what has already happened. Who cares that he doesn't do X, he is already the only elf to be both wardancer and sword-master.

Instead I would flesh out the background up until he meets the human cultures and is somewhat integrated. He is still a High elf to the Asrai, but they accept him. To the humans he is as Asrai as they come, and they find him odd but useful in their endeavours. Who knows what might happen in his adventures? He might bond with his human brothers in arms, leave them for ulthuan to attain his dream of becoming a swordmaster or return to Loren to become a wardancer.

That's the story you want to play after all.

>>44651424
This works great. It builds up a great antagonist to your character that isn't evil.
I would probably add that he would come to resent the masters of this chosen one because he thinks they might be influencing the "sheer luck" she is having with magic.

He does probably love her like a sister. But he also hates that she gets the attention because she is so special. And she might be infatuated with him.

>>44652054
>She is a bit unstable mentally, and prone to fits of anger
No.
No no no no!
This is just asking to make the other players and DM hate you if you actually act this out, it doesn't work, because sudden angry/random characters do stupid things that get people killed.

>>44653502
Yeah, but that's d&d, we have objective villainy with spells that can detect/destroy Good and Evil and some entities composed of undiluted Evil.
Not that making a likeable/misguided Evil character isn't possible, but their perception of bad and good are probably very far from our own, in the sense that everybody sees himself as righteous, but that switching sides is not a matter of point of view/culture, but cosmic opposition. You have gods that directly support your ideology.
So I could totally see that if he was endoctrinated in a cult, but just serving as a mercenary seems a bit of a stretch for me.

I suggest you play the prophecy straight, IMO it fits the initial narrative (got beaten by a newbie just because she's favored by the gods) better.
Of course you can always beat the prophecy on a technicality in the end. But overcoming someone supported by Destiny should provide an interesting challenge.

>>44653884
I took that bit out
>>44653402
is the edited bio

>>44653402
Sounds good.
The bit about her partner not coming could be the reason that she fled to the surface, since she felt that her hiding spot was no longer safe in the case her parter talked under torture. If she's cautious she would probably take no risks.
How would she come in contact with the rest of the party, though ? Drows are highly xenophobic and are hated by almost every other race. Not to mention that she's still in the underworkd at that point.
Also she kinda lacks reason to stay with the party.

Throwing ideas
>fleed so far she lost herself and found a way to the surface
>researching a fabled artefact said to be in the possession of the surface elfs, so the can have her revenge on the prestess.
>just taking a surface shortcut trying to join another drow city
>taken as a slave by duergars and sold to surfacers
>trying to accomplish something on the surface to gain the favor of lolth.

>>44653935
>>44653402
Okay good so lets work on the rest,
is this for an NPC or a PC? If it's for an NPC it works fine like this. If it's for a PC, here's a few things:

1. Viconia is also the name of a female drow cleric in the baldurs gate series. She's cool, but you might run into som prejudice with taking her name, just like ppl calling their character Drizzt would.

2. Your story is very much one of revenge, but why are you adventuring? Is it just to gather gold and power so you can return to the underdark? Is this the goal for this character?

Good character backgrounds usually have nearly unattainable goals, because that is what drives the roleplay, if they attain their goals you (and the DM) need to get new ones quick, I've played a few ranger-esque characters that either attained their rather short sighted goals too quickly or didn't have any, and they got boring quite quickly.
I'm not saying your goal is to easy to reach, but it might not be the most interesting for the entire group to reach. It's decent, but it's on the border.

3. She seems very strong to be able to keep an entire church of Drow from poisoning/assassinating her and even probably able to beat them in a fair magic fight. Is she really this strong? and if so why hasn't she returned yet?

File: c18934c2f13b17d96ac0851324ec8915724474e2.jpg (235 KB, 1600x1200) Image search: [Google]

235 KB, 1600x1200

>justice fag
>is a Fighter yet acts like a Paladin in all things
>understands he isn't but continues to strive towards the idea in hopes that he'd be chosen someday

>>44654145
those are good suggestions but I forget to mention the adventure I'm developing her for takes place in the Underdark, so she doesn't need to go to the surface, but yeah I do need to think of a reason for her to stay with the party. Right now I'm thinking she could be saving gold to buy something that would let her have her revenge and fighting monsters because of her drowish instincts

>>44654257
That works,
it's a little bland, but it works fine.
You can always add more as you go along. Who were your parents? Why aren't you a paladin? What are your passions? etc. etc.

>>44654221
it's for a PC and by the way the adventure takes place in the underdark so I don't have to think of a reason for her to leave that.
I'd be happy to switch the name around, I actually didn't know that, thanks. I was thinking yeah gold to buy things that would help her get her revenge, as well as becoming more powerful so she could get her revenge.
thats a good point, I need to think of a way for her to be exiled without being so overpowered a threat, as to be able to accomplish her goal immediately (which as you said would render the game pointless)

I've been wanting to flesh out a super hero character for awhile. Smooth the edges.

Basically the background is:

>Grows up in a poor home
>Parents always fighting someone usually gets hit
>she is a little slow in the head
>does shitty in a shitty school
>never really learns to even read
>always got into fights
>kid brother comes along
>turns out to be really smart
>opposite of her really
>eventually turned to drugs
>leaves school/family who could care less
>basic junky
>years go by and powers turn on
>drugs don't work no more
>literally can't sleep

Her personality
>stubborn
>abrasive
>hot headed

I played her for a while a long time ago. Her blood was basically full of drugs because of her regeneration (hardly instant. More like over the course of a day), but she was also immune to them because it would kill her. She could also control her blood like a water Bender as long as it was outside her body, and it was almost alive.

The game I played her in, she tried to kill herself by jumping off a building and landed next to another player in a bloody mess, but she was alive because of her powers.

For a general character, I have no idea what to do. I want to flesh her out without making her an edgelord.

File: Perkeros-3.jpg (330 KB, 579x800) Image search: [Google]

330 KB, 579x800

There is a webesite with a correct personality tool in the end of that post; it's supposed to use rolls, but it works fine with choosing the elements that you like and cutting the unnecessary parts.

>>44654337
She can guide them in the underdark, they can help her get her revenge.
Looks viable to me (and in tone with the drow fluff).
And then you can build a brother-in-arms friendship with the others PCs.

>>44654257
Nothing wrong, but that's very limited.
Here's is a link that should help you make more in-depth characters:

http://rpg.ashami.com/

so I changed her name (both former and after names), and made it so it was a betrayal that caused her to end up doing a trial of Lolth and failing (instead of it being rigged).

Originally named Sabonia (abyss wand), she changed it to sabynrae (abyss heretic) after exiling herself. A cleric who had just come of age, she chose not to become a priestess, but became a house wizard for the House Zauana (Children of the night). However due to false information from an enemy of hers, she was believed to pose a threat to the priestess-hood. Like all drow she guarded herself carefully against poisons so that was not an option. The priestesses thought carefully and decided to challenge her to a competition of magic as a trial of Lolth. She was forced to accept and lost miserably. When she lost, she was declared to have lost the favor of Lolth, and was tortured by the priestesses. While being held by them in a cell, she managed to escape by seducing a male drow guard, and ran off, into the wild part of the Underdarkness. Although she still believes in Lolth, she does not support the priestess-hood that tortured her. She still sometimes dreams of home and her House and returning, though she knows she cannot, having lost all that she did. Originally her partner came to visit her in her hiding spot, bringing food wine, and hallucinogens but she stopped coming to visit abruptly. Sabynrae has no idea what happened but strongly suspects her partner was over-powered, tortured and killed when she wouldn’t release Sabynrae’s hiding spot. This motivates Sabynrae even further to want revenge against the priestesses and against her house who did not defend her.

feedback (especially on the name)? (also thanks to everyone who has contributed so far)

>>44653650
> Why would such a disillusioned person join adventurers, though? Just to find his former wife?

Maybe he's just using them for his objective, or tolerating being in a group until he realizes no matter how good at combat he is, true strength lies in people around him and the bonds he strengthens.
He might find new hope in working with, or even protecting, his new companions. Rebirthing, maybe realising that his peace doesn't lie just in reconnecting with his roots, choosing between being a wood elf or a sea elf, cope with his family situation, but also to root in new terrains, get enriched by foreign cultures without losing his heritage, and create a new family of comrade in arms. Maybe find new love, in the future.
I don't want him to be an edgelord and generally detrimental to the party. Just profundly jaded and wounded when it comes to grow fond of people, but still with hope, deep inside. Knight in sour armor.

>Badelf
You're damn right, the possibilities in what you wrote are just much more rich and interesting than what i wrote earlier, and it actually doesn't subtract anything. I'll be stealing your concept whole, thanks again Anon.

> that's apparently the beginning of his downfall
As how I actually intended that would have been the beginning of his maturity and the end of his childhood. He went adventuring and fooling around, taking pride in his combat skills, thinking himself immortal and generally going safari in the human lands, and then his best buddy dies. Danger is real, and mortality is not something just for humans. Time to go back home, reflect, and prepare for the next time he is going to save a friend and spare him Buddy's end.

>>44654690
>While being held by them in a cell, she managed to escape by seducing a male drow guard, and ran off, into the wild part of the Underdarkness. Although she still believes in Lolth, she does not support the priestess-hood that tortured her. She still sometimes dreams of home and her House and returning, though she knows she cannot, having lost all that she did. Originally her partner came to visit her in her hiding spot, bringing food wine, and hallucinogens but she stopped coming to visit abruptly. Sabynrae has no idea what happened but strongly suspects her partner was over-powered, tortured and killed when she wouldn’t release Sabynrae’s hiding spot. This motivates Sabynrae even further to want revenge against the priestesses and against her house who did not defend her.

Nothing I know of with that name, and the reason for aquiring more power to fight seems better.
This is a nice background, as long as you can get tied in with the other PCs somehow :).

>>44655175
thanks :)
I think yeah it would make sense if she was motivated by her partner's death and her treatment to seek revenge and to get gold to get helpful items, as well as getting power so that she can seek revenge

>>44650393
I just want to play a really friendly old man fighter, how can I make that more interesting?

>>44653711
Thanks for your contribution anon, I am flattered you liked my story as this is a character i'm very fond of.
See - and with this I'm trying to also answer your question - I created this character as a PC some fifteen years ago, managed to play it for about three years while i was a teen (from noble born, through wardancer, up to a swordmaster) with a group, and ten years later I'm using it as an NPC supporting a new group of PCs in the campaign I'm currently running as a DM.

It's obviously a high level character with about 9k xp, and I'm being very careful to not making him hog the spotlight at the expense of the PCs (6,5k xp on average), given that he is really powerful. I made him mostly fight monsters in the background of the main action regarding the PCs, letting me tone up the epicness of the campaign without putting the PCs directly against really unbalanced/high number of enemies. Think Duncan from Dragon Age, more or less.
Being currently an NPC I took some liberties with the background, which actually now draws from actual events I experienced as a PC ten years ago. Buddy was a player in my group, as was the chaos cultist and the love interest, and so I romanced it a bit and adapted the former background from a much more mary-sueish story (I was 15yo, in my defense) to this thing you read here.

I'm very willing to play with him as a PC again though, so the real challenge for me is how to keep an experienced and "lived" character interesting and still playable. Obviously the interesting part won't be much how I'll be spending the next load of xps but more like how his personality will develop. I hope >>44654812 could be a seed to start from, but we'll see.

Jose Pulitz
Caucasian
round glasses
big ears
small, pointy nose
large forehead
bushy hair
bushy beard
blue eyes
missing right eyebrow
well worn clothes
factory worker
friend in journalism
very sick

cha 10 Normal
con 5 Pretty sickly
str 9 Slightly weaker than normal
dex 13 decently more agile than most
int 20 Impressively smart
wis 14 Good common sense

Beggar who’s looking for cash and follows Jose around
Joumana
arabic descent
Ex-monk
thought he could get money from donations whilst living as a monk, but was disapointed. He attempted to use his strength to steal from the monks but he was defeated and kicked out. With no skills, he can’t get a job.

Very large, pig like nose- reason for his non-employment
Lacks connections
normal ears
small eyes
wirey hair
missing index finger
brown eyes
talks to everyone he can walking by
abnormally strong

cha 19
con 12
str 20
dex 7
int 11
wis 13

>>44653711

Also:

>The thing with him both beign a wardancer and a sword-master seems quite out of place an quite unrealistic as both elves are quite xenophobic but can be accepted 7/10.

Heh, I suppose you're right, this was one of the frivolous legacies of "gaming while teens" i had to work around after all, and I can't say they were really polished, but as for concepts alone they aren't so different from eachother. They both involve some kind of ascetic discipline, some detachment from normal society and give combat prowess through form perfection. I chose to make him retain both skills by being basically a pariah, exiled from home, renouncing his nobility and having powerful enemies waiting home if he wants to go back.
Also, I remember a text box in Defenders of the Forest (from the guys at Liber Fanatica) stating that wardancers are the legacy of swordmasters who never went back to Ulthuan after the war of the beard, and adapted to the new environment instead. I really liked this interpretation and adopted it for my character.

Thanks again for your criticism and advice, very much appreciated.

>>44655468

Why does he fight and why is he friendly? What does age add (out side of being experienced) add to the character?

>>44651798
How exactly are we supposed to make your character better if it's all based on what's happened in game sessions? Are you saying you want to retcon the character?

>>44651869
I'd just make a Sona and talk through sheer musical skill, no singing needed.

>>44655724
I wouldn't make a character just by putting bits of trivia together.
Those PCs have no drive, no goal, no attachments, almost no past.

Look at it that way: What does says more about your character; that he ahs blue eyes or that he is a caring father?

Find an archetype/role and a basic personality concept, and then develop it a lot more.
Where do they come from? What do they want? Why? What are their signifiant others? Their enemies and the obstacles they had to overcome? What were the milestones in their lifes?

http://theangrygm.com/the-memory-game/

I specifically made my players stop writing backstories and start writing out 6~ concise "memories" related to stuff I tell em is gunna be in the game because I got tired of parsing long meandering backstories, half of which won't matter to the game anyway.

If players want to write fanfic to figure out their character, that's great, but it's more effort than it's worth to analyze for me. I think, judging by the number of TLDR comments in this thread, most people feel the same.

I will not analyze anything mentioned here, but I will tell you my standards for a usable character.

>Has a basic personality. Have an idea of his general disposition and how he feels about at least two subjects; a party member, a goal, a rival, whatever.
>Has a goal he wants to accomplish. "Slay the nerd who killed my father." "Get ultra-rich so I can live a life of luxury." Something.
>Has a meaningful reason to stay with the other party members. One of them is your best friend and you couldn't let them travel alone, or you're honor bound to undertake this quest and the best way to accomplish it is traveling with them, whatever.

As long as you have those, you're set. I don't care if they're implied through your backstory or not. They're things you should be able to summarize at a table. "My character is a thief with a heart of gold. He wants to make enough money to retire to a life of luxury, but he finds himself being more Robin Hood than Bank Robber these days. He's heard there's a lot of money to be made from artifacts harvested from these tombs, so he's adventuring with the party."

If your character can't hit those 3 major points (Personality, Goal, Why You're With the Party), then start over. If you can, you're fine. Seriously. Anything beyond is gravy.

>>44655771
Short answer is yes, i'm retconning it.
Long answer is >>44655677: I played it in a group 15 years ago, and now I'm using it as a supporting npc for current (different) group of PCs i'm running a campaign for.
Since I'm willing to play it again with the new group of characters in the future, I'm wanting to make sure its background it's believable and three-dimensional, given that playing in a group of teenagers, with a teenager DM inevitably brings plot holes and stupid/made for fun choices in the life of a character.

>>44656287
>that background was actually toned down
Well, I guess reality is unrealistic sometimes.
Or just that we aren't used to experienced characters.

>>44656011
>I think, judging by the number of TLDR comments in this thread, most people feel the same.

Just to clarify, TLDRs in this thread are aimed at the exactly 385 words of the OP, not to fanfic doorstoppers.
Seriously, I am amazed at how people playing RPGs seemingly can read dozens of pages of TABLES with NUMBERS and not having the attention span for 385 words. I always thought that reading and RPGs went together, maybe I was mistaken this whole time.

Regarding the bullet points method background, it's great indeed, but as a DM I still use a template that does not limit length of paragraphs, but instead focuses the players creativity over stuff I'm going to find useful.
What npcs are his allies or enemies, for instance, or what are his short/mid/long term objectives, what are his secrets, and so on.
In the end it cannot be much longer than a couple pages, and for a decently sized group it goes up to 10 pages total.
Which since I'm the DM, and I requested them, I will be more than happy to read thoroughly.

Anything less is going to make me ask more questions to the players trying to clarify stuff they wrote in bullet points, and it's equally time consuming.

>>44656862
First background was like 13 pages of word document, but it was a fully fledged story with dialogues and all, and containing a bit of chronicle of the ongoing gameplay.
A bit embarassing reading it now, but what the hell, I was 15 and I loved writing.
At least it was never published online as self glorifying fanfiction, you all have been spared.

Anyway, back on topic.
See anything so over the top or so cheesy it has to be further toned down?

File: 1418956079589.jpg (85 KB, 599x800) Image search: [Google]

85 KB, 599x800

I started trying to think up a new character today and though I had a cool idea, but when it came down to it I just wanted a play a pretty standard "Knight who lost his master looking for redemption or perhaps even falling and going evil if things go that way" kind of character.

I've got a few of fun little personality quirks in there, but I still can't help but feel it's a little boring and overdone. Any tips for spicing this up?

>>44656287
>>44657044
Kind of uncomfortable giving advice on what to cut away from such an established character. I mean, I don't know what you consider important for the development of the character. Me, I can't ever re-use, alter, or make similar characters.
>>44656878
There's a lot of posts to read on /tg/ nowadays. Board ain't as slow as it used to be.

>>44657227
Friend, as long as you give me enough clear motivations for your advices, you can be sure it will be taken into consideration, and at the very least will give me something to think about.

Thanks in advance for everything you are willing to throw at me. Really.

>>44657203
Well, narrative concepts are simple and seemingly bland because they are just like that, concepts.
Every basic idea has already been said and categorized by academics, it's exactly the fun little personality quirks that are going to spice it up.

>>44657203

You are a man at arms who is one of the few survivors of a great battle that went poorly. You have some skill with a sword, but no land or title or anything to go back home to but a shitty hovel and the prospect of working the fields until you die.

So instead of that, you stole some armor and weapons from a bunch of dead knights and are only pretending to be a knight who has lost his master in that battle. Everyone should buy it, most of the people who would be able to dispute your story are dead, and all you have to do is never go home and your story keeps up.

This gives the GM a great hook as people are expecting you to actually do the shit that the person you are impersonating would do/risk that someone will find you out.

>>44657381
Gonna need awhile, because I have other shit to do IRL as well. Don't be afraid of bumping the thread.

anyone know of a good resource to find names that were common in various european regions around the year 1600?

>>44657911

Just looked up history and folklore and grab surnames from people who were not all that important or likely to be recognized.

>>44655765
The idea was for him to be a friendly grandfather type who just wants his companions to be happy and sincerely thinks that everyone has it in them to be a good person

High Elf scholar/sage/monk that lived in a monastery up in the mountains. Setting only has elves and humans technically and magic doesn't exist anymore. Father was Indiana Elf, exploring mysterious(dwarven) ruins. He settles down with my mom and starts a family, names me after dwarf. I'm the eldest but choose the life of a scholar over adventurer. Get passed over for my knightly younger brother for inheritence. Still get a spellbook and ring from father(dwarven in origin). A blight of death and later undeath tears across the land, lich lord rises to power, and magic returns to the world. Defend monastery from undead horde with newfound wizarding powers. Have to cast spells in a chorus at first but as time goes on we can harness more and more power by ourselves. Group of adventurers kill the lich lord. I become the newly formed circle of magi's representative on the Elf Council. Become aloof and disinterested in elven politics, focus on studies. Meet the same party of adventurers 5 years later and travel with them to help resolve the civil dispute and new blight in the elf lands

We did a 5 years later game of our previous game. My character died in the finale so I had to make a new one. Decided to make a better representation of an elf than our edgelord druid. Made a tall, lanky dwarf instead.

>>44657911
https://www.s-gabriel.org/names/eng1450to1600.shtml

England only, but it should be a pretty good start.

File: Lana Elserafie.png (144 KB, 425x560) Image search: [Google]

144 KB, 425x560

So back history on this, game is Scion. All PCs are Kids of Gods.
> PCs find Virus for Gods
> Power Hungry
> Lesser Deitys drop like flies
> Hi-jinks ensue
> Kids: Athene's = one on one meeting with mommy is MIA now, Hel's = Captured by his kids, Loki's = Loki is Proud, Loki's kid is now weak and forced to teach new Scions.

My new Chars story:
> Girl named Lana Elserafie
> Raised by father, always making get rich quick schemes, gets her as a part of them.
> About once a year would be visited by her Mother, generally after scheme blew up
> Had dream of running her own Cafe
> 8 years old she witnessed gods fighting in San Francisco
> 12 saw mountain sized Titan kill thousands
> 14 almost died from Hypothermia because of Titan and God of Frost fight
> Moved to NY
> Got a Job as a Waitress for a Cafe
> shooing for Assistant Manager
> One day before closing big Smelly man walks into Cafe
> Friend Lucas tries to quickly fill his order
> Closing time, friends and Hobo only ones there
> Lucas asks him if he could leave
> Hobo gets angry
> Lana sees him dart at Lucas
> Jumps in the way
> Cut in half
> Corpse chopped up while Lucas watches paralyzed
> Lana wakes up on a Boat and finds shes stitched together
> Couple on boat with her, Woman looks like her mother, man has green skin
> Mother is Isis
> Asks if She cheated on Osiris
> Man is Osiris
> They made Deal with Father
> Original Plan was to have her be visited later by Isis and gain her power
> Died so they believe that it would be better if Osiris "adopts" her
> Confused.
> Isis will explain later.
> They give her a Khopesh and Amulet
> Bright light, wakes up covered in blood
> Lucas being choked
> Stabs Hobo
> Becomes ten feet tall
> Frost Giant is Pissed and Yelling while breaking shit
> Lana uppercuts him through the roof
> Interviewed later
> Isis asks her to move to San Fran for training and gives her money to open her own Cafe there
> Warns her of Loki's boy even though hes the leader.

>>44657381
>>44657549
here. Gotta head to bed, way later than I thought it would be. If the thread's still here tomorrow I'll give it a shot.

>>44658470
Personality:
> Loyal and Honest to friends
> To strangers about as trusty worthy as a one of Loki's kids.
> Likes to abuse her being Undead now to unsettle friends by removing Limbs
> Will challenge someone to a duel by removing a limb and slapping them with it
> Is cocky
> Doesn't have the need for get rich quick schemes anymore, but loves to do them just for the fun.
> Annoyed at her Father, Isis and Osiris, loves and trusts them all though
> Even if her Father keeps bugging her for money/trying to get her to risk money and even
> Even if Osiris and Isis keep having her fight Titanspawn and confuse her with God Politics.
> Will stick nose where it doesn't belong
> "Curiosity killed the cat" Good thing shes dead!
> Likes making death jokes

Goals:
> Simple
> Run a national chain
> Become a Heroine (Not base powerlevel but like someone famous performing Heroics, like Supes)
> Find out what happened between Loki's boy and the gods
> Fuck with people

File: Jareth.jpg (107 KB, 736x1255) Image search: [Google]

107 KB, 736x1255

Jareth. Low ranking knight and veteran of a violent peasent uprising. Novice sage and trainee of the magical arts.

Jareth is a low ranking knight and the only remaining member of Clan Artair. He is a decent fighter with some knowledge of the magical arts. He can cast a few simple spells.

As a child he was sent to mountain Kendar to learn the ways of knighthod and magical lore. His training was never completed, however, when he was forced to return home to defend his and other noble families from a large peasent revolt. After years of costly war, he and his young siblings are the sole survivors of Clan Artair.

Two years after the revolt, Princess Evered, a close childhood friend to Jareth went missing. He has been traveling East ever since, trailing the few leads he has of her, determined to return his clan to greatness and reunite with his lost love.

File: 1388010292959.jpg (41 KB, 336x352) Image search: [Google]

41 KB, 336x352

>>44654625
Bump? I'll go quite after this.

File: BinwinsS1013[1].jpg (1013 KB, 970x1676) Image search: [Google]

1013 KB, 970x1676

>>44657203
I see the chink in your armor.

>>44658470
>become undead murdermachine
>move to San Fran
checks out with me

>>44659795
forgot my "pic unrelated"

a character for a written piece that will probably never see the light of day

>Relevent Setting backstory
Pantheon style religion with a lot of books containing a lot of drama. Practiced by most, but people don't take everything about so literally.

More recently, there was a person who united the warring city states through diplomacy and conquest. They were considered a prophet, and wrote several books on a variety of subjects (philosophy, romance, art, battle, leadership...). Some of these books are highly regarded, others are considered more metaphorical.

The Blade Church takes one of the prophet's books, "The Binding Blade" as literal fact - that one must train with a blade every day - rather than a metaphor for life's daily struggles.

Magic is very rare in the setting and almost always evil. Nobody can use magic innately, so it has to be obtained via other means (usually vampirism, pacts with demons, or foul rituals).

Technology wise, it is in the middle of the "early modern period." Complex hilted weapons are common. The flintlock has been invented and is beginning to become popular, but other forms of firing mechanisms are still more common to see. Despite the power of firearms, they still carry significant drawbacks and as such armor and swords still exist along side them.

>Character backstory
>Fiore
priestess of the Blade Church. Born to devout believers and raised within their coven. As such she has been trained for as long as she can remember with arming swords and rapiers, with later exposure to daggers, short spear (including bayonets), and greatswords. She is educated, but until now hasn't left the coven.

After her father is killed in mysterious circumstances implicating supernatual beasts, she (and several others of the Blade Church) plead with anyone who will listen to do something about it. The Blade Church is kind of a cult, and supernatural baddies don't exactly sound like fun anyway, so nobody helps them.

I'm at the character limit.

I have mentioned this one before a lot, but I still like him, amd would love some feedback. Pretty much based on a retard version of Obelix
> char is called bog
> bog has an older sister
> parents were poor farmers, one day farm catches fire, parents die, bog (around 5 at the time).and his sister (7) are split up. Bog is given to the owner of the local sawmill, and his sister to the owner of the local inn
> sister has to work immediately as barmaiden, bog helps out with the sawmill
> as bog grows older he becomes REALLY strong and large, mainly because he is hauling wood/ felling trees/ chopping wood all day long from the day he could hold an axe
> turns out that bog is also really stupid, can't count properly, barely talks, etc.
> has to sleep in the horse stable because there is no space for him in the small woodworker's hut
> one night, when bog was sixteen and a fuckhuge mountain already, he began to hear voices in the stable
> gets up and checks
> horse thieves, the one holding the lantern tries to run, but he trips, hits his head and is KO. Other one can't see in the dark, runs for it, hits bog, stumblea back, and is KO aswell
> both thieves executed next day, bog receives some money, which he gives to his sister, who got pregnant in the mean time and did not want to work at the inn anymore
> bog realizes that he can earn far more money for his sister by finding bad guys than he can do at the sawmill
> takes his axe, and begins his new life

>>44661235
Decent enough concept I guess, though the death of the parents seem unnecessary for the narrative. What cruel parent would name their child Bog anyway? Is the sister named Fen?

Anyway I foresee tough times ahead for Bog. He seems the type that would try to bring the baddies in alive, even if they get immediately executed in the grimdark setting. Traveling can also be expensive so I hope Bog has some savings.

>>44656878
>Seriously, I am amazed at how people playing RPGs seemingly can read dozens of pages of TABLES with NUMBERS and not having the attention span for 385 words.

Because nobody cares about your amateur fanfic.

Seriously. The only reason your GM cares is to harvest it for plot hooks. And if you can get that without writing a backstory, hey, we officially don't need backstory.

>>44659983
may as well write more on this even though people aren't biting

She wants vengeance for whatever it is that killed her father, and that leads her on a personal crusade against all things magical, except perhaps the lichlings who are generally allies with the living (not not exactly welcomed with open arms).

She carries a sword everywhere. It's legal for her to do so, but it makes some people uncomfortable.

Naturally she also carries a hard copy of "The Binding Blade" which she reads from every day before practicing cuts. She is pretty fanatic about it and constantly cites it, much to the chagrin of everyone she interacts with.

Her style with an arming sword is somewhere in between Medieval arming sword and Sabre fencing. I've been watching WAY too much Matt Easton.

On that matter, the name "Fiore" draws obvious parallels to the real world once fencing master "Fiore di Liberi." I really like the name though... (unisex Italian name derived from the word for "flower")

Now that I think about it, this character concept is actually kind of bad...

>>44661326
Bog is not his actual name, but that's just the way he remembers being called by the others in the village, so he sticks with it.
No clue what his sister's name is. Doesn't really matter too much.
Bog knows which berries he can, and which he can't eat, mainly because he had enough time in the woods to find out by trial and error.
The death of his parents is there to split up him and his sister. Otherwise both would have worked with their parents, and bog would have never learned how to wield an axe properly. Also: what father would make his first and only son sleep in the horse stable? The owner of the sawmill is supposed to be a dick. He got stuck with stupid little Bog, nothing but a mouth to feed to him. Better make that fucker work for his food then.

>>44661607
> annoying cunt out for revenge
Yes, it is.

>>44661235
The dead parents were a red flag, I'll admit. When I DM, I really like when my players have NPCs in their backstories that can be touched on in the campaign in some way, makes them more invested in the world. Killing of parents is like throwing away free money. That said, the rest was redeeming as between the woodworker and his sister (and an immenent niece/nephew) there's at least a couple potential hooks there. I'd suggest you consider making Bog's father the woodcutter and have him go to earn money for his sister *and* aging parents, thereby cutting out the middle man, but it's not a necessity.

>>44661678
>Father
Could totally be a prick. Or a stepdad maybe. Think Cinderella.
>Sister
Could totally still go work as a barmaid for any number of reasons. (Wants to make her own living, get away from shitty parents, has a ladyboner for the bartender, etc.) Also, name her. If you're shit at names just use a random name generator.

>>44659983
>>44661607
The concept isn't terrible. It's a little too close to JRPG character for my tastes, but for a lighter game it actually might be perfect. The biggest thing I'd suggest is toning down the zeal. Being dead-set on any sort of moral direction is a natural catalyst to interparty conflict.

The fencing triggers me, as a sabre is a pretty ineffective way of dealing with things that you just want dead while they also want you dead. But that's me.

>>44659482
>Decribed as "low-ranking" and "decent" at fighting
>Childhood friends/lovers with the princess
Somewhat snoflakey. Princess are high-tier shit, you're verging into suspension of disbelief if she was even allowed to talk to some two-bit squire. Would probably serve just as well to make her the daughter of some minor noble. That way you're on even social footing and the DM doesn't have to work around you having an in with high nobility.

>Only remaining member of Clan Artair
Unless you have a good reason to do so, I see no reason to kill off his whole clan like this. It doesn't add anything to the narrative, and you're removing a number of opportunities for potential plot hooks and tie-ins to the greater world. Killing off a large portion of the higher-ranking knights, or even a solid majority of the clan could be fine, if your goal is to leave him without any real clan-based influence, but I'd strongly suggest leaving at least some usuable clan-mates around.

>>44661771
I think I should do some more research on how side swords of the period were used. I know without the complex hilts guards the hand was usually very far back, and later with rapier and saber the hand was usually very forward, but I don't know as much about the inbetween.

To be honest I find it really hard to come up with a character backstory that explains why they are adventuring without it being "they are a boring peasant who decided to adventure or smth." Adventuring is a dangerous and expensive lifestyle and most people wouldn't just decide to live it on a whim, even if being a peasant sucks.

>>44661848
Religious motivation can be great for that. Spreading the holy word, purging enemies of god, commanded by higher-ranking church officials, even just trying to get out in the world to feel closer to god. I actually met two backpackers just this afternoon who were wandering town-to-town in pursuit of the last one, so it happens. You just have to be careful when you lay on the zeal in other areas; while it might be in-character to kill the magical being at all costs, other party members might want to at least talk to it first.

As far as swords go, as far as I'm aware the rapier and sabre were only really used for dueling is the problem. If your goal is just to kill shit dead a heavier sword was usually more effective. That said, if you just want to use a rapier, go for it. It can be made to work, just don't expect it to be useful in a large-scale military engagement. Actual rules of the system nonwithstanding.

File: SCeIjkL.jpg (399 KB, 800x1000) Image search: [Google]

399 KB, 800x1000

>>44650393
>Samantha "Sam" Silverfist
>found by a ragpicker woman in a recently abandoned knight encampment as an infant
>fortunately her foster mother had managed to get in good with a mercenary band, performing various tasks both respectable and not so.
>Sam was raised by her over the years learning the respectable tasks as well as looking up to the mercs.
>It took many years to prove that she was serious about wanting to join up, and the leader trained her in his spare time.
>Young Sam did her very best to grow strong and capable, but her body was naturally not as hardy as the rest of the group. She compensated for this as best she could by wearing heavy armor and using a large shield.
>She cut her hair short, not wanting vanity to get in the way, and had always been boyish in the face anyway. Many mistake her for one.
>After demonstrating her talent and the fruits of her labor on the battlefield, she watched helplessly as her adoptive mother died of sickness, the nearest church that might have a cleric to help being a hundred miles away at the time.
>Years later, Sam decided she wouldn't live and die in destitution, and that she would make a name for herself in the world.
>After a few more campaigns, she left the mercenary group and set out for adventure.

Fairly bog-standard, but she's only a level 1 fighter, mind you. What can I do to embellish it?
It's 2nd edition AD&D, so money is much more critical to an adventurer's eventual goals.

>>44650393
Here goes, actually have two chars.
>Two brothers who live in an Asian/Pacific Islander setting
>Lived in not! Japan until war broke out, younger was 5 and older was 12
>Parents were samurai but died in battle
>They were sent to not! Hawaii to live with relatives; younger bro fit right in but elder one was always left out
>They both joined mercenaries guild to make ends meet, elder one still keeps his faith and is paladin, younger one is more crafty and is rogue/fighter
>Younger likes jobs that require travel and exploration, elder prefers close to home affairs- they tend to be hirelings to already established exploration parties and adventuring groups
>Both are Good, older is Lawful and younger is Chaotic
>They both wield parents' refitted arms and armor, elder wields naginata while younger wields wakizashi/heavy crossbow, with plenty of bombs
>Older one is constantly frustrated at younger's laziness
>Younger one isn't lazy, he just isn't as focused and loves jokes and pranks a bit too much
>Elder is bishonen and, with high cha and his mom's armor and weapon, is constantly mistaken for a hot lady
>Younger is amused by this
>Kind of like Zuko/Iroh, but brotherly

File: 1451287459308.gif (1 MB, 406x449) Image search: [Google]

1 MB, 406x449

>>44659751
I like it. The not being able to sleep is a nice detail, and the attempted suicide is darkly comical.

Doesn't sound like an edgelord to me. The detail with the brother is a nice touch.

>>44661943
as mentioned it is intended for a written piece, so rules systems don't matter

and yeah I get your point about rapiers and sabres, and by extension the lighter arming swords of the period. In some ways it seem fitting for the character though, as she trained with a sword for religious reasons and not necessarily for fighting in a war. A greatsword, halberd, bill, or musket might be more appropriate for that.

>>44661961
nobody ever has an parents

It's fine though. The only thing that really stands out is:

>Years later, Sam decided she wouldn't live and die in destitution
This is more likely to happen as an adventurer than a mercenary.

>>44661607
Sounds pretty good to me, man.

>>44662032
Of course nobody ever has any parents. That way the DM can't use them as a plot device later on.
>This is more likely to happen as an adventurer than a mercenary.
Both are fairly high-risk careers, I'm sure you'd agree. A mercenary's income would be steady, but not very impressive.

>>44662018
does being misgendered bother him or does he wish they were correct when they call him "miss"?

Rate mine.
>Son of a beekeeper, family keeps hives in the woods around the village
>Not the eldest son, so expected to make his own living
>Used crossbow to defend hives from bears, puts it to use as a caravan guard
>Travels with caravan for several months, sees a bit of the world
>Passing through woods known for fairy trickery
>Begins to have increasingly strange dreams of a mist-covered lake
>Caravan gets attacked by bandits
>First real fight, turns out all the guards were shit
>Getting slaughtered
>Voice from the dreams insists it can save him in exchange for a "small favor"
>Staring death in the face, bargain accepted
>Feels his control begin to slip as he literally tears apart several bandits
>Head clears in the middle of corpses and viscera
>Dream that night compels him to go to the town where he meets the other PCs
>Caravan members are thankful, but all too happy to see him leave
>Arrives at the kickoff point for the campaign
>Dreams don't go away
>Why won't they go away

>>44662088
depends

Mercenaries have to be paid well or they will steal from the people they are protecting. Also mercenary companies generally liked to resolve battles between them with diplomacy and bargaining rather than with actual battle. The real fighting was done for armies that wouldn't negotiate, or if a favorable agreement couldn't be reached.

At least that is what I was taught about the hundred years way anyway.

>>44662120
Are you referring to mercenary companies who were paid to fight each other? Because that sounds like it wouldn't be very common in a medieval fantasy setting. It would be common in a time where people mainly fought with paid militias instead of loyal soldiers of their nation.

>>44662110
Does this pact have mechanical effects ingame?

File: 2037.jpg (77 KB, 377x550) Image search: [Google]

77 KB, 377x550

My first thoughts on a character for a game of Monsterhearts set in a contemporary British school.

Using the 'Minotaur' fan-made skin, a (non-supernatural) burly 18 year old male. Thugish, liable to intimidate people, break objects and threaten violence. He is usually motivated by a defensiveness over some perceived slight, and because he's not that bright and is usually 'reacting' against the world he is sometimes manipulated against one person by another.

There will be 3 or 4 supernatural students, so I think I will keep him as a 'normal' human who is not pursuing some magical goal, but is instead almost a tool or natural force for the other players to direct against each other.

Anyone have any observations about him? Is he similar to any characters from films, TV etc?

>>44662142
The hundred years war was sort of near the end (or so) of the middle ages, transitioning into the renaissance and early modern period.

>From wikipedia
>In European history, the Middle Ages or Medieval period lasted from the 5th to the 15th century.
>The Hundred Years' War was a series of conflicts waged from 1337 to 1453

anyway your character is fine. Maybe they thought the life of a mercenary was boring or didn't do enough in the world to get through their bucket list.

>>44662173
Oh, yeah. Meant to mention that the character is a Warlock mechanically but I hit the character limit.

>>44662188
Ok.
I figure that being a daredevil is a basic requirement for adventuring to some extent. Who else would be crazy enough to try and take down beholders, dragons, and liches?

>Young girl found as an infant and sheltered from war in the dug out basement of a shack for her entire life
>Wanted to go outside and see what it was like
>Her father kept her stuck in the basement to "protect" her
>Eventually a warlord finds out about her and believes she is the chosen one to lead humanity to a new future
>gets kidnapped and stolen away
>Manages to escape time after time
>Sick of being kept prisoner she believes she goes to become the strongest fighter in the land and rule the world and starts to fight back.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qTKOah18x0g

>>44662110
Having a powerful rage-side is pretty common. This doesn't tell us much about the actual character, but the plot hook of being literally haunted may be enough.

>>44650393
Are NPCs allowed? Going to add this one to a campaign one of these days.
> Jungle-dwelling barbarian woman.
> Name is "Kentohu-Piwata-Na-Ka-Denwe", given by tribe elder.
> Literally translated it means "One who finds the solitary tree and cuts it down."
> Denwe lives alone as a hunter/trapper. Values independence more than anything.
> Sometimes acts as a guide through the jungle for traders and travelers.
> Gets pregnant on one such job. Hates it. Sees it as weakness.
> Cramps and nausea messes up her hunting.
> Comes to term, gives birth, abandons the baby on the jungle floor. Goes back to her job.
> Years later, she gets cramps and nausea again. Starts having bad hunts.
> Consults tribal lore. Realizes this is happening because her daughter is still alive.
> Goes to city. Agrees to guide PCs through the deepest jungle if they help her find and kill her daughter.
> Immensely strong, skilled, and scary.

> Daughter raised by wild animals.
> Becomes a Druid. Is blessedly kind and charismatic.
> Decides to go live in the city to learn about humans.
> Becomes a successful and learned clerk for the town government.
> Keeps druid powers a secret.

>>44662267
The idea was that he's a pretty regular person who just wants to get things back to normal. Making a pact with whatever the fuck was a terrible mistake and using any powers related to it should be avoided at all costs. I suppose this wasn't at all clear from just the backstory. I should've written another post.

>>44662022
Thanks. I was just worried because drugs, blood, and suicide are really toeing the line in my head.

One of her quirks was that she still smoked cigarettes. They didn't actually do anything for her. It was mostly a mix of habit and boredom, and the rest was knowing that smoking in their facility was not allowed.

Not sure if I can/should flush her out more.

>>44659983
>>44661607
from the feedback I wonder if the following would improve the character

father was only crippled, not killed, so revenge is less of a concern. Also that leaves a witness for the supernatural attack.

Her main motivation might no longer be vengeance, but missionary work. Revenge is just a pursuit on the side.

She is also more focused on sidesword/arming sword and greatsword, less on rapier. I need to do some research to make sure I get this right for the period. I've got a translation of Giacomo di Grassi in another tab.

Anyway she travels around, sometimes fighting, sometimes venturing into caves and dungeons, but always taking a moment in town to talk about her crazy cult.

As the other anon put it "an annoying cunt"

>>44661844
Depends on the size of the kingdom and number of children the king has, though. If you have fairytale sized kingdoms or 10 princesses at home, they might be a lot more approachable.

>>44661961
>What can I do to embellish it?
Add an important event during her life as a mercenary that participated to her growth. Either a person (friend, lover, mentor) or an event. Try to include some emotional traits, because for now it's a cool concept but it's mostly a set of events, so it's hard to imagine the character in action.

>>44662018
Nothing awful, nothing breathtaking either, it all depends on the execution. I might be jaded since I'm fed up with this kind of brother dynamic, but don't let that stop you.

>>44662178
>Anyone have any observations about him? Is he similar to any characters from films, TV etc?
Nice concept, nothing wrong that I can see, well exploitable and fits perfectly for Monsterhearts.
He doesn't remind me of any other character besides basic giant that's a bit slow archetype.

> He is usually motivated by a defensiveness over some perceived slight
So jerk that's nice on the inside?

What are the minotaurs moves, btw?

>>44661424
Without a backstory, even a very brief one, you are not going to run a campaign that gets the players invested in your consequently bland and standards plot hooks, because all you will get is "orcs killed my parents, my objective is to become stronger".
You might as well run a module, or roll for random encounters.

I am running a campaign with friends, and I care and respect them and the effort they put in our game. It all translates into quality time at the game table, and it tells me they are invested in our game.

Also, a clear answer to why we're not talking about fanfiction was already inside the post you quoted, but heh, goldfishes.

>>44663501

>Without a backstory, even a very brief one, you are not going to run a campaign that gets the players invested in your consequently bland and standard plot hooks

Wow, I haven't managed to hear a more wrong statement all day. Impressive.

The development of a game that actually occurs at the table is always going to be more interesting than what happened before it.

And besides that, you're dumb because you clearly did not read the context of that comment chain. Bullet points =/= backstory. Backstory is meandering amateur writing. Hence why we don't need it, because it's not actually particularly helpful to a GM.

>Also, a clear answer to why we're not talking about fanfiction was already inside the post you quoted, but heh, goldfishes.

No, we are talking about fanfic. That idiot who said he considers 10 pages of amateur writing at all helpful for a GM was speaking of fanfic.

All backstory is fanfic. The only reason I, your GM, or anyone at all cares about it, is if it addresses the previously mentioned points.

I don't care about your amateur writing skills. You yourself, loathe though you are to admit it, don't care about your PC's amateur writing skills. How many of your friends have read eachother's little backstory novels? You and I both know the real answer to that. At best, they gave eachother a quick highlight. They got to the point. Because all backstory is is masturbation, and most people have the good sense to not make other people watch them perform it.

I get it. It feels good. You like it. Great, but it's not helpful to a GM, at all. Condensing information is literally always more useful to a GM.

You'd realize this if you were a good one, but, heh, pseudo-intellectuals.

File: picasso-pablo-1881-1973-spain-minotaur-caressant-une-dormeus-1527071.jpg (46 KB, 500x500) Image search: [Google]

46 KB, 500x500

>>44663469

Thanks for the feedback. The Minotaur 'class move' benefits from harming and threatening people.

-Labyrinth- When you do harm to someone, take a string on them. You get +1 ongoing to lash out physically, shut someone down, or gaze into the abyss when your target has the condition In the Maze. You get -1 ongoing to lash out physically, shut someone down, or gaze into the abyss when your target has the condition *Golden Thread*.

The Golden Thread part is a condition that can be applied by the Sex Move or one of the other moves; basically the character can get nice sets of bonuses for getting entangled with lots of strings on people, but is left vulnerable to whoever they currently have a soft spot for.

There's a .pdf here: https://docs.google.com/file/d/0B7MY0xQ1QUJMUW5DNU5LS05LSjA/edit

I don't even think that I'll make him a jerk that's nice on the inside. More someone who is a bit of a jerk, but socially ignorant and continually confused by the subtleties and plots of other people around him.

>>44663619
>my method is the only correct one
Ok dude, you don't like backstories, we get it.
Good for you, at long as it provides interesting sessions for everyone.

But, dude, it's not particularly helpful to YOU. You're not the avatar of DMing, stop threating that as an absolute truth. Different types of players, different types of games.

I join the anon you answered to.
Backstories provides plothooks that the players want to see in your game. It's their character. If a player wants to explore his character coming to terms with a particular traumatism, it's better to actually have the the initial event depicted.
Besides, more than a reason to stay with the group, interweaved backstories provides party interactions. Yeah, it's your best friend and you will be with him until the end, it's cool, but it's actually helpful to know why you like him so much if you want to roleplay that relationship in a meaningful way.

>The development of a game that actually occurs at the table is always going to be more interesting than what happened before it.
Nobody ever said he contrary.

>How many of your friends have read eachother's little backstory novels?
Funny, we encountered a mindcontrolling ghost last session. He took apart each character and tried to turn them against the party by appearing as the character's conscience and asking them to reflect on their actions. Each time, he was roleplayed by a different player. We had to read each other background for it to work. It was one of the best sessions I ever had. And party banter was way better after that, since knowing people helps when discussing with them.


ps : I don't think you really understand the definition of fanfiction.
Or you don't undestand that a backstory can be factual and has little to do with a novel.
Maybe you got players with 15 pages of dialogues in their background so you took the opposite way, but nothing prevents you from making more than 6 memories/bullet points. Like OP. That's still a backstory.

>>44663619
>The development of a game that actually occurs at the table is always going to be more interesting than what happened before it.

You seem to take for granted that somehow I'm asking my players to write a novel with all arcs ended and all plot points resolved. I am not.
I am asking them to make their pcs threedimensional, by thinking about the environment they grew up in before going adventuring, their social network, and their objectives. Through a very specific template.
This translates into NPCs, locations, and future directions for the campaign that THEY set up, where THEY are already invested in, while I can focus on developing what is set up. This is so much less work for me that the campaign practically writes itself, and none of this is detrimental to the time spent at the table, it only enhances it.
And it's naturally taking more than one page for every player you have, without detailing dialogues, or how long is the hair of your dog companion. How many players do you have? I have five, that translates into a little less than 10 pages. If this is fan fiction to you, you have a very broad definition of what fan fiction is, or simply, reading is a thing you don't like to do.

If you play with pre-generated characters inside a module, or one-shot adventures, this may sound "wrong" to you. Believe me, it is not.

>I don't care about your amateur writing skills. You yourself, loathe though you are to admit it, don't care about your PC's amateur writing skills. How many of your friends have read eachother's little backstory novels? They got to the point. Because all backstory is is masturbation, and most people have the good sense to not make other people watch them perform it.

The friends I play with gave me very lean and down to the point backstories, with usable npcs, enough detailed locations, and hooks, just like I asked. I am sorry if your players did not, and drowned you in family trees.

File: 01207711201_G[1].jpg (100 KB, 448x600) Image search: [Google]

100 KB, 448x600

>>44662429
You may be interested the comic book Fanfulla da Lodi by Hugo Pratt.
It's set in that period (without magic), and shows a great monk using a zweihander, doing heroic deeds and being an annoying cunt to everyone that isn't a mercenary soldier.
It's based on a real character, but his biographies are less pleasant to read than the comic.

>>44664074
A backstory probably killed his father.

>Zombie Campaign
>Before the outbreak, Richard "Damien Anarky" Helms was the front man and guitarist of a famous death metal band, Blackguard.
>Well, not quite famous. Successful.
>Actually, not even that. We kinda suck.
>Anyways, it was on the eve of the outbreak that Blackguard was playing at a larger venue, for once- an actual theater.
>Richard, in preparation for the show, was excited to finally receive the prop that he had blown most of the Band's spare cash for the past few months on: a huge guitar, ringed on two sides by the double-headed, fully functional blades of an Executioner's axe.
>Fucking Metal.
>It was halfway through the show, about midway through "Drow Holocaust," that the first infected broke into the theater. It was blown into panic as the packed stands were slaughtered and fed on. His band members turned before his very eyes, Richard realized something.
>He absolutely hated these guys.
>Jack, who stole his girlfriend two years ago. Tyler, who always stole his food. Ryan, that accidentally spent the band's money on a $300 hug pillow.
>With that in mind, he quite happily split their skulls with his axe. Pummeling and splitting his way through the theater, leaving a trail of bodies behind him, something changed in him. He wasn't longer a 20 year old kid with a shitty musical career.
>in his mind, he had become a warrior- a berserker, like the ones he always sang about.
>Now snapped, he makes his way to the nearest shelter, cutting down any Zombies in his way on the way there.

How's that? We needed a melee based character, and I intended to make the dumbest bullshit hype available.
Vikings most likely went into berserker rage inhaling fumes, or eating mushrooms.
We don't have any of those, so computer duster and chrome will have to do.

>>44650393
I was going to say that I hope this is not a first level character but then you mentioned getting XP so I guess not.

This is supposed to be for 1st-level or equivalent characters, yeah?
You guys pre-establish way too fucking much.
Do a couple of sentences and let the character develop through play.
Having pages on pages of backstory is a great way to look like a fucking snowflake.

>>44665352
Indeed
And at a certain point you can no longer believe they might still be first level

>>44661715
Any GM asking if the character's parents are still alive is a massive red flag to be honest.

>>44650393
Your backstory is cringeworthy.

What is up with people and the royalty shit? The game won't reward you (or shouldn't, I should say) for your backstory of royalty, but you'll write it anyways in hope of getting a backstory leg up on your traveling mates. Just stop.. STOP!

>>44665540
Because shit-tier noble sons growing into heroes is a popular trope.

>>44661715
The real father died in the fire. The adoptive parent, the guy who owns the sawmill, was forced to accept the child, because he was the richest man of the village.
Fuck it. He is called Simon from now on.
However, you are correct on the sister. She does need some kind of reason to require money. Maybe Bog noticed that the owner of the inn abused her.
She is now called Anne.

File: Immagine.png (283 KB, 647x442) Image search: [Google]

283 KB, 647x442

>>44665540
Pic related happened. It's part of the game mechanic inherent to the setting, and I don't see why I should disregard it while writing the background.

>The game won't reward you (or shouldn't, I should say) for your backstory of royalty, but you'll write it anyways in hope of getting a backstory leg up on your traveling mates. Just stop.. STOP!

Show me where the fuck I said I had any advantage over party members due to being the son of two minor nobles.
You should really get that legion of strawmen out of your ass and read past the fucking first line.

File: 7138-18163.jpg (13 KB, 320x240) Image search: [Google]

13 KB, 320x240

>>44664805
No, I killed his father

>>44665212
No, it's a pretty experienced one actually, more explanation here>>44655677

>>44665540
>It's not a level 1 character, it's a reworked PC from his previous campaign. He's pretty high-level by WFRP standarts.

>Character born and raised in a village under the control of a Kuo-Toa tribe. Village is kept as a potential food and sacrifice resource.
>Group of adventurers come along and kill off the Kuo-Toas.
>Village is now nearly defenseless from the dangers the Kuo-Toa had previously kept at bay.
>Small group of people, including character, decide to take up the Kuo-Toas' weapons to protect the village.
>One day decides that the best thing to do is go out into the world and find a new tribe of Kuo-Toa to replace the dead ones.

File: Edwin Woodruff.jpg (102 KB, 694x1866) Image search: [Google]

102 KB, 694x1866

http://pastebin.com/jyj2rh37

Give it and read and critique, if anyone can be bothered to read all of it.

>Joined bandit group from a young age.
>He's content with pillaging and killing for some time.
>One day, he finds a book among the wreckage of a library.
>Unable to read it, he simply follows the map accompanying it and it leads him to frozen lands.
>There, he passes out due to exhaustion and the extreme cold.
>A spirit finds his body, destroys the book and map, enters him, making him immune to the cold and ability to control ice at the cost of making his body ice.
>It begins to slowly draw power from him, waiting to emerge at the right time.
>He awakes and gives up on his journey, no longer having the map.
>Believing his newfound powers were the result of nearly dying in the cold, he travels to a volcano and jumps near the lava.
>There, he gains the ability to control water as well but gains a crippling fear of extremely high temperatures in the process.
>Unable to find the whereabouts of his old bandit group, he travels while taking odd jobs, hoping to find them one day.

>>44650393
>Tiefling
>Bought off a slaver by an orc clan
>Raised as a slave her entire life
>Meets an eleven wizard while enslaved
>ForbiddenLove.jpg
Caught one night doing the diddly with him
>The elf is strung up on a pole overlooking the camp, left to starve to death
>The Tiefling is tied between a pair of poles and left to the mercy of the orcs
>All manner of atrocities are committed
>By the time she is released, her skin is about 80% scar
>Tieflings age slowly, so the grandson of the orc that bought her is now chief
>Read somewhere that Tieflings have ties to the powers of Hell
>Decides she would be more useful as an ally than a slave
>Takes her along hunting, teaches her the way of the bow and the sword
>At night, she practices spells from the wizard's book in secret
>One night, she crawls into the chief's bed to "thank" him for his generosity
>Stabs him to death as soon as he lets his guard down
>Cleans up the mess, takes as much gear as she can carry and sneaks out into the wilderness
>Enjoys her newfound freedom murdering orcs and slavers

>>44650393
>Adrien Caska
>Born into a noble family once proud warriors but had dwindled over the centuries to the point it wasn't much better than being a commoner
>Parents are drunk bitter assholes due to their loss of glory and squander what little fortune they have left
>After years of abuse they finally keel over and Adrien is left as the last of the Caskas
>Tries to re-capture what little pride his family names holds and tries to start a family of his own but his wife leaves him after it's discovered he's sterile
>Being truly alone in the world Adrien decides that as one final hurrah to leave his mark on the world as the final legacy of the Caskas
>Wearing his slightly rusty ancestral suit of armor, he rides out into the world seeking adventure
He's kind of like a younger and more cynical Don Quixote going through a midlife crisis. I'm thinking making him a bit foppish and liking to put on airs despite being barely being above a commoner. Also, debating giving him some sort of perpetually annoyed manservant that has to follow him due to some ancestral contract or something

>>44676040
Some small things I'd like to mention
>crippling self-esteem issues due to his upbringing, has a compulsive need to showboat and one-up people which usually ends in embarrassment
>takes pride in his well groomed facial hair, will go berserk if anyone messes with his oiled mustache
>insists on drinking everything with a chipped teacup of his (pinky out and everything), usually filled with cheep booze he insists is a lot more expensive than it actually is
>mostly a nice guy with a strong sense of chivalry due to his family, will occasionally look down on the "peasants" however
>A well learned gentleman, insists on proper etiquette in every situation (and as mentioned before a bit foppish)
My initial endgame for him is that he sacrifices himself undergoing some big quest and earns the recognition he hopes for.

File: clap.gif (900 KB, 598x336) Image search: [Google]

900 KB, 598x336

>>44665125