Anybody got any good stories? DND, pathfinder, 40k, don't rest your head, all flesh must be eaten, munchkin, whatever you got, I wanna hear it. Will bump with stories, won't promise on quality.
okay so first story I guess should be fomr one of our DND 3.5e campaigns
>Be humans
>Gods don't do shit for us why should we do shit for gods?
>Stop praying
>Gods get pissed, punish us, start losing power, gadzooks.jpg
>Gods need people to pray to them or they lose power or some shit
>DM copout to make gods fight
>no one really cares
>Time to kill the gods
So our party is fairly standard, about 5 guys, we got a fighter, a paladin, a spellcaster, and two randoms (i think they were a cleric and a druid but i can't remember) we start off at level 5, pretty paltry for a god killer campaign but you gotta start somewhere. through dialogue and questing we soon made it to 8, nothing to write home about but we got some experience under our belts. this was about the time the DM trusted us with the information to set in motion the end of the game, he told us who our big bad evil guy would be. Which, coincidentally, was not an evil god, he was a good god, but no one knew where he went, his plane was unreachable even by other gods, he seemed to have vanished, but there was a scorched crater somewhere on the continent, where people believed he'd fallen to the plane of mundus. And so our goal was set: Kill the god the gods couldn't kill and we win.
We leave the town to set out to gather all the things we need for a scrying spell (yeah scrye for a god, that'll work -.-) about this time it might be good to tell you all our characters were evil, even our paladin was neutral, having cleared it with the DM, anyway, on our way out of town our fighter bumped into a pig farmer accidentally, instead of apologizing he started screaming at this dwarven pig farmer, calling his mom a halfling and saying his father had no beard, it was brutal.
Now I'm not sure how everyone else knows dwarves, but the way i know dwarves is the way my party knows dwarves
>Strong
>Sturdy
>Proud
>Surly
>Fuck you im not short, you're just perfect height for me to punch you in the balls
>Come down 'ere an' say that to me face if'n yer brave enough
Dwarves
But this dwarf said nothing, and i mean NOTHING, he just kind of sank into himself and let out a meek apology every few insults, I found it odd so I backed off. Eventually our fighter got fed up and figured he could at least get some gold if exp wasn't coming his way this evening, he demanded recompense from the farmer, but the farmer had no gold, only his prized pig, which he offered. Our fighter was having none of it, he wanted gold "Or else"
>"Or else what"
>waitwut.jpg
Total tone shift, but it didnt phase our fighter, guy playing him was a bit dense, everyone moved in expecting a fight, I prepare for more people to show up, maybe some odd monsters the farmer could be secretly raising
"Or I'm gonna feed you to that pig"
>"orly?"
"ya rly"
>"i'd like to see you try, i'll even give you the first hit"
"big mistake"
>our fighter takes a swing at this pig farmer, being that i was the spellcaster i rolled pretty low initiative but the players ahead of me let me go first
>start casting Hold person
>Blade barely touches the farmer
>fighter instantly engulfed in bright, burning light
>ohfuck.png
>Prized pig from earlier suddenly turns into a huge-sized three headed pegasus with four wings and two tails
>WHAT
>First head breathes fire
>Reflex saves
>I failed... goddamnit
>inb4 second head readies it's breath attack, group flees
>this is about the time we realize we're on a demiplane, they ran toward the town, they came back on the other side of the map
(of the drawmap, basically they left through one wall came back through the other)
>dwarf throws up a hand
>what now?
>pagasus thing stops, turns back into pig
>oh thank the gods
>... why can't we move?
Farmer proceeds to walk up to the paladin and coup de grace him
>Walks over to cleric
>asks one question
>cleric responds
>coup de grace
>turns to druid(or whatver the fuck) asks "where is your god now?"
"wh-what?"
>"Where is your god now?"
"I never picked a god to pray to" ~ out of game
"Me either" ~ me
"just answer the question" ~ DM
"All around me?"
>"Closer than you think" Dwarves eyes start glowing, druid is sent to the plane of the dead, no nature around, cursed to walk among the ghouls and ghosts
>Whole party wiped out by a pig farmer
>Fighter started a fight with a god, our big bad evil guy, at level 8, in an epic level campaign, all because he bumped into a pig farmer, and demanded gold
Same group, Different DM, Whole point at the start is to make a one-off, just something to play for the night before we all head to bed, all the players decide to make the most overpowered thing we can at level 5 using only dnd 3.5e, any rulebook goes, but it has to be canon.
>too easy
I grab the extended psionics handbook and set out to make my character, a psion, level 5, don't remember the race, or all my feats, but basically i got to a point where once per day, for an hour, I can give myself claws that deal 8d6+1d6, not bad not bad, but i can go bigger, and i did just that, used my starting gold to increase my size, found some feats, got some psion powers, don't remember all the details but i had it worked outto dealing 64d6 damage at level 5
>let's do this.jpg
>>44420810
Anon, please. Quote the previous post in the story so we know they're connected.
>>44420901
>we begin
>I describe my character, bald, pale, tattoos all over, bulky stature, but looks normal sized
>everyone else describes their characters
>elf
>catfolk
>mindflayer? wtf
>minotaur
>treant
>then there's me, that one human looking dude
>"haha puny human"
>"we'll see about that"
our party sets off to do some.. thing... and we get ambushed by an infantile golden dragon
>areyoufuckingkiddingme.wtf
>we're level five god damnit
>"this is bullshit"
>I say: "nah guys we got this"
>roll for initiatives bitches, and just cause im nice i'll let you guys go first
>they roll, 11, 13, 12, 17, 16
>I roll, 9, damnit
>hah, he doesnt even have anything to buff his initiatives, let's let him go first
>all my powers amount to one standard action, but by the time i'm finished i'm either huge or gargantuan, I can easily reach the dragon
>my group plays if you dont move you get a second standard action
>I attack, i hit, i roll, 5
"how much damage do you do"
"How much health does is have?"
"360"
"it's bloodied... roll for death by massive damage"
>group stares in silence, the tension is thick enough to cut with a turkey carver
>DM rolls
>Natural
>Fucking
>1
>"what the fuck"s all around, nobody else got to even fight, everyone quit
>that moment when you singlehandedly kill a baby golden dragon and ruin the whole campaign
I was forever banned from even making a psion ever again, the ban holds across nearly all DMs in our group, It is a sad day indeed
>>44420901
my bad, i was kinda focused on writing it out, and making sure the thread didnt die lol
>>44421067
One day our group decided we wanted to try mutants and masterminds, we wanted to be sthuper pooper scooper heroes. we can be good or bad, this is a city recovering from some event that game some people powers so everybody is kinda confused. Half of us decide to be good, the other half of the group is evil, so they play on a different night. I'm in the good group, our first assignment was to find out why people aren't getting their packages they should be getting for christmas!
>we're on the case
We decide to try going to the post office to figure out what happens with the packages, if they get there, where they go afterward, et cetera. we get there and the guards tell us we cannot pass, we tell them we're super heroes on a mission
>"yeah, and i'm the queen of england, i'm still not letting you through this gate"
>be me
>super strength, could lift him, bend him
>four arms, could flex, intimidate him
>lazy
>????
"I teleport behind the gate"
>"god damnit, anon"
>rest of the gang generally gets over the gate through other means, we're unnoticed
We walk inside, business as usual, although the arrangement is a little peculiar, the sorting machines are all lined into rows with an ailse down the middle leading to a... throne?
>it was a computer chair with accessories taped onto it with clear sctoch tape, it said "The postmaster" on the back
>approach the chair
>it swivels around
>half crazed postman greets us with a "howdoyoudo and a jolly fuck you too"
"what's going on here?"
>"how come everyone else gets presents and thanks santa? i'm doing santa's work, i should get the thanks? blah blah blah... blah... ungrateful... blah... woe is me... blah. I have a gun"
>wait what?
Before he can open fire we roll to see if one of us can cut him off, i succeed
>teleport in front of him, punch him in the face
>he falls down
>I stand triumphant
>he doesn't get up
>cops come
"Arrest that man!" I say heroically
>"we would but he's dead"
"... oops"
>slap on the wrist
>>44421278
>I saved christmas
>feels good man
Next assignment: There's a bank robbery happening downtown, right now, take the van and-
"I CALL DRIVING"
>"do you have the skill"
"Yeah"
>"does anyone else want to drive?"
>not really
"SWEET, SHOTGUN"
>"you can't drive AND call shotgun"
"damn, my plans have been thwarted"
>get in the van, only three of us, myself, an immortal character that can turn invisible and float through the air, and a batman type character, human but high skill, fragile
>>44421338
>van is more like a bus, actually a retired schoolbus, was the best we could afford, heroes don't get paid well
>we start driving, I floor it "we're getting there in 5 minutes!"
>it's a 15 minute drive "not if im behind the wheel!"
>when suddenly
"wait... why am i driving? I can teleport, i dont need cars! fuck cars!"
>I teleport inside the building
>... everybody roll to see if you make it out
>jub jub the immortal makes it out
>the dark white does not
>bus crashes, hatman has a broken leg, and a sore temper
>"anon if i die, stay away from my funeral"
"im sorry" i laughed
>bus crashed into the bank, two of us are inside, only jub jub has to find a way in without getting anyone hurt
>the fartmight shoots a smoke grenade out of his gogogadget grenade launcher and blinds the left half of the bank
>jub jub decides to go all munchkin style on uss and opts to kick down the door and turn invisible
>i teleport to the closest robber and punch him
"nonlethal damage please"
>"haha, okay anon"
>i knock him out one hit
>roll perception just because
>notice a robber with a switch in his hand, teleport to him still holding his unconscious compadre
"what is that?"
>"it's eat shit" robber shoots at me
>ohnoyoudidnt.bitch
>throw his sleeping second fiddle at him
>nat 20
>...
>"..."
>"you throw him so hard the guy turns into a spear, breaking his neck on impact, and stabbing the other guy in the neck because physics"
"I'm a good guy i swear"
>manage to intimidate other guy into handing me the switch, threaten to pop his head like a grape if he doesn't tell me what it does
>"we wired the whole building to blow, one of the switches primes it, the other detonates, but if you hit the detonate first it'll turn off the system, please let me go"
>i let him go... straight outside to the police
>suddenly boom
>dingus 1 and dingus 2 had managed to subdue two criminals, but the third pressed the switch on them and blew up half the building
"but what about system priming?"
>>44421554
>"Yeah, well, they're bad at electronics and explosives and i forgot"
"but you literally just said"
>"yeah but i forgot, whatever no one died, you guys took some damage, jub jub is unconscious"
"Alright caped cat-chaser, you get jubjub out of here, i'll get the hostages"
>he limps... and limps... and limps
>i carry as many hostages out of there as i can at a time
>i stand outside looking at my watch when im finished
>he mad?
>oh he mad
But he doesnt break character, instead he just grits his teeth, grumbles at me, and limps out of the bank, i meet him at the door and help him walk, and carry jub jub
the news takes our pictures and the front pages reads "City Town's Newest Heroes?"
And that was the only time we played mutants and masterminds... I killed a motherfucker with another motherfucker
>>44420678
Your DM is trying to get a message across.
>>44421621
He was bored, and also that player didnt get the point
>Introduce elf imperial guard npc quest giver in tavern.
>Parasite PC gets shoved up his ass by baby dragon PC and takes over his body and memories.
>Immediately puts on a dress and seduces drunk man at the bar.
>Ends up in back room with drunk mans dick in his elf asshole.
>Convinces man to tell him where he lives, what kind of work he does, and where he keeps his money.
>As the drunk man climaxes baby dragon slices him in half and necromancer PC resurrects him, boner and all, as they head to the guy's house.
>Parasite PC convinces his wife and 3 kids that their father is dead and he had a lot of gambling debts to pay and takes all of the guy's money out of his mattress.
>As elf leaves the house baby dragon and nigor mortis boper zombie charge the door and the wife gets grappled and fucked to death by zombie dad while the kids watch and eventually get disemboweled by baby dragon.
>Last kid alive, a 5 year old girl, gets a rusty plate mail as a blanket against the harsh cold as her zombified family walks out the door.
>Next battle lasts 3 hours because dragon gets downed early so I have to watch as the 3 other characters bitchmode and fight 3 animated tables using only animals from 2 different Bags of Tricks and cleric summon animals as well as zombies.
>Baby dragon decides to drink from a scrying pool mid-fight and forgets everything that he was doing and can only remember the Eldritch Truth that was forced unto his tiny mind, and downs half of the party.
>>44420035
idk if this is good but it is cringy4me
We're playing a slightly edited realistic Apocalypse-World run with 6 people trying to survive. Dont need to know the party except that i kinda said fuck it i'll be myself since i didnt make a character and i had to make one on the spot. My character is "Cholo", basically it's literally me pretending to be a bold-head, tattooed mexican gang-banger so i can have some voice in the group because of my suppose experience. But i end up overplaying my character and say "fool" and "ese" in every sentence and always risking the entire group like a retard for Tapatio.
>Everyone is slightly amused / annoyed by Cholo, i really try not to but i always fuck the serious mood up with my stupid fucking "Hey ese, good idea fool" catch phrase.
>Be on a salvage mission to get plastic surgery equipment to a police stronghold's medic
>GM set-up an NPC in a rival group that looks really similar to one of the party members except the NPC has pale blue eyes that distinguishes him
>Its just there as another possible approach we may or may not even use
>The doctor is an ex-plastic surgeon that mentions he used to do an eye laser procedure that turned brown eyes blue
>We happen to have brought the EXTREMELY RARE equipment for the procedure by chance hoping to trade it
>Party gets the bright idea to get it and try to infuriate the rival survival group's base
>Doctor doesn't want to do because its stupid and a misuse / waste of a EXTREMELY RARE equipment and precious power it so we have to haggle hard so they dont just rob us and kick us out
>Doctor finally agrees to preform the operation and some items for the equipment and ask who's the idiot getting blue eyes
>Cholo says "that'll be me ese right over here fool." which was me trying an accent. What i meant was "That'll be my ese right over here." referring to the like-alike party member
>the stupid grammar mistake happens, GM could've fixed it but he wanted it to happen
CONT---
>>44422977
>Doctor asks again, being a serious rp everyone lets me talk with no interruptions, all 6 of us assumed i referred to the look-alike party member
>GM asks me if i'm sure
>Party is sensing a fuck up but before they can realize the it i quickly confirm my words because i was cringing because i did such a shitty accent and i wanted to bury the moment as quickly as possible
>Doc is a little meta, says "You guys are stupid, ok get on the table"
>the extremely rare and unique to this one scenario "key" to infiltrating a one of the strongest and most impenetrable factions on the west coast just got wasted on Cholo the fake mexican gangster, and no we couldn't wear shades or eye-ware for some reason, blue eyes was the only way our look-alike could get in and GM wouldn't budge
>GM states Cholo sight is a little blurry but he can still see but none of us catch it at first
>Party already begins planning out until someone finally asks the GM who got the surgery
>Everyone is groaning at the stupid blue eyed mexican for foaling a good plan.
>Ask doctor for a re-do but he says he couldn't nor would he since the equipment has already been scrapped
>Cholo defends him by telling everyone to trust him and that it was "A good fucking plan fool." and stating how he can now "make bitches wet just by talking to them."
>Party is mad that Cholo was so selfish and he tells them its their fault while pumping up his chest while standing on his tippy toes going "Sup fool, sup? sup? sup?"
>group laughs amusingly because they're unknowingly following a pretend gangster who risked their lives just so he can have blue eyes
>Everyone has to be submissive to Cholo because that's the only way i'll make sense
>To kinda put myself down a peg i start calling Cholo a stupid spic.
>Group starts calling Cholo "Blue eyes, spic dragon."
>Blue eyes spic dragon now travels around the post apocalyptic wasteland as an unwanted leader using his blue eyes to seduce NPC bitches with his blue eyes
>>44421067
Not sure how entertaining this story will be but since this thread seems a little slow I'll give the story of how my character met his best friend: Scar, and ended up colouring how my character acted for the rest of the 2 year campaign.
>First time playing DnD. Chose a Warlord cause it seemed easy and we needed a leader character. Max out CHA cause apparently I needed that
>During the first encounter got jealous of my magic-character-playing friends that they get to solve combat situations in interesting ways while all I get to do is bang things with my sword
>Third encounter of the day, storming a hideout filled with bandits
>Rush in and engage the first guy I see. Rest of the party fans out and cleans out the rest of the room
>Me and bandit are just duking it out, missing every single hit (but DM narrates that we're just blocking and dodging each other all the time)
>Eventually it's just me and the guy left, still fighting each other. Druid decides to help me out and throws some fire on the guy
>He doesn't realise its an AoE and also hits me
>Me and Bandit are just covered in fire, still unable to kill the other. At this point I ask the rest of the party to stand back so I can finish this guy off personally
>15 minutes in real life pass and we're still fighting (and on fire)
>Eventually get bored and ask DM if I can try using my CHA to diplomacy the bandit. He gives me the go ahead.
>"Look around you friend. Your comrades are dead. It would be a shame if a fine warrior such as yourself perished here today. Lay down your arms and we will let you go."
>Diplomacy check passes. Bandit agrees to surrender but tells me we will meet again someday. Tell him I'm counting on it.
After that, the DM turned that bandit into a full NPC named Scar. He would pop up occasionally when the party needed more hands and over time he became a hero in his own right. After my character became king of the land, he named Scar his head of the navy (he had originally been a pirate).
>>44424562
Because of how much fun it was to have ended combat with diplomacy, I dumped pretty much everything into CHA and diplomacy and my character developed a reputation for being able to diplomacy anything. This went on for about 2 years both OOC and IC. My character and Scar became best friends. Then came the final mission of the campaign.
>My character is the King, defending our country from an invasion from the Netherese
>In our campaign, the Netherese have big flying ships that shoot comets at things.
>Lead our party (including Scar) in capturing and boarding one of those ships. Find out that it of course has a very high explosive yield if the core is detonated
>Party rogue comes up with obvious plan of priming the core for detonation and flying it into the heart of the enemy fleet to start a chain reaction that will destroy a large part of the enemy forces
>"But that means someone will need to stay behind to fly the ship into the enemy"
>ohboyiknowwherethisisgoing
>Scar volunteers to pilot the ship, being the only one with the skills necessary to execute such a mission
>I go to him and say "But Scar, you'll die"
>"My friend, I was going to die all those years ago in that hideout and you let me live. Now it is time for me to repay my debt"
>We look at each other for a long time. Full homo.
>Party leaves Scar behind and watches from below as he steers the ship right into the enemy fleet. His ship detonates and all the enemy ships explode with it. War is won.
>We ended up erecting a statue of him above the gates of our capital. Our bard writes a song of the tale of Scar.
>The last thing my character does in the campaign is return to the hideout where he first met Scar and plants his sword in the ground where we had our first duel then sheds a single tear.
>>44420035
I have one! It's an Evil campaign, and we're basically ethnic cleansers fighting a dirty jungle war. There's one scene where we're burning a village, and the people are fleeing to be shot down and butchered.
Now, we come across a brave but teary boy wielding a pitchfork, who's just seen his world collapse all around him. My PC, a high-level fighter in full plate, goes:
> "You've got spirit, boy. I'll give you one free shot."
He spreads his arms, lifts his chin and basically invites the boy to take a swing at him. Now, the DMs you have to watch out for are those who want to impart a moral lesson: He ran the game with very little mercy, and this was actually the fifth batch of evildoers we'd rolled up - and the first ones who'd survived so long.
D&D3.5 - Actually, D&D in general - is actually a very mechanistic setting. This means that a farmboy, by default, CANNOT kill someone who has ten levels above him and who is in full armor. Even if he does hit and crit, he won't do enough damage to take down a fighter with triple-digit HP.
But my fighter was basically inviting a coup de grace. And the DM was waiting for this, to teach a valuable lesson about the banality of evil. So the farmboy, of course, stabbed my character in the throat and I gurgled on my own blood and had time to ponder my senseless death before-
> "Sorry, man. I had Stoneskin on."
> "What?"
> "Yeah, remember when we were killing the village's guardians? Our Wizard cast Stoneskin on me before he fireballed the grain silos."
We check the records, and he's right. I still have 38 points left on the spell. By those rules, that desperate stab from a righteously angry farmboy just bruises me a little. I go:
> "Sorry, boy. But it was a good try. Really."
He tears up. He raises his pitchfork, and I step forward and cut him in half with a single swing. The DM asks me:
> "Why did you do that?"
> "Do what?"
> "Let him take a shot at you, when you knew he couldn't hurt you?"
(More)
>>44424904
That's actually an interesting question, so my response is:
> "Because being Evil is about sheer spite. It's about petty cruelty and unfairness, and deliberately holding out false hope long enough to yank it away. Basically, it's about being a giant asshole."
And it is, really. It's not about butchering villages, raping, or whatever. That's just edgy stuff. Being evil is individually being a dick to someone. It's like telling them you'll let them go if they can just untie the noose around their neck, but you broke their fingers first.
It's about acting with the perfect assurance of a complete bell-end. When you're about to kick someone in the balls, take a moment to tell them exactly how small those balls are first. If you're about to fling children from the battlements of the castle, tell their mother that you'll let them go if she can just overpower you. And when she fails, tell her she just didn't WANT it enough.
That, to my mind, is the fun of being Evil.
>>44424960
Well you're a sadistic and horrible person. I hope you receive therapy.
>>44425242
I'm a big softy at heart, really. I'm self-aware enough to be embarrassed by overly edgy actions, but it's great fun to be spiteful and mean. Not nobly evil, or a conflicted antihero: Just a petty, malicious bully.
>>44424960
I rarely see evil done right. Its not about your actions, its about reveling in them. Less what you do and more why you do it.
>>44425443
Exactly. It's about queasy, cruel delight. It's like seeing someone you hate being beaten up, and knowing you could help him...But you just watch, instead. Or you close the door so no-one can see him being beaten. Or you take his wallet.
It's like finding your rival's life savings, and burning them. Not even spending them, but burning them or wiping your ass with them so the money will do no-one, EVER, any good.
>>44425482
its not lolrandum chaotic stupid, its just about being petty and bullying. A lot of how most murderhobo's ACTUALLY act, when theyre not paying attention.
>Be GM
>Party is being harassed by a hag
>This hag has a lot more spell-like abilities than a normal one
>Enters the players dreams to torment them in their sleep, can turn into a misty form to escape when they directly confront it, can fly, normal attacks don't seem to harm it
>Every player's character is losing their minds thinking about this awful creature that's coming for them
>Eventually, they all decide that this has to end, one way or another
>Consult a gypsy on how to fight it
>They learn its weakness
>Step out into an open field, yelling that the creature can have their very souls should it be victorious
>The party consists of two riflemen and a researcher
>The riflemen both had two single shot rifles and a few sticks of dynamite
>The researcher has a vacuum like device that he used for collecting plant samples and basic medical supplies, he was the closest thing the two had to a medic
>The researcher runs away to watch from afar, only planning on moving in if either of the two riflemen are hurt
>The two riflemen stand out in the open
>The hag reveals itself, cackling madly
>The two riflemen shoot the hag in its weakspot, its crystalline heart, shattering it and surprising the creature in the first round
>Riflemen both start throwing dynamite all around the hag, disorienting it further and cutting off its ways to escape
>In a panic the hag turns into mist to get away
>Runs right by the researcher
>Researcher: "Wait... I still have my harvester pack right?"
>Me: "I would assume so. Yeah."
>Riflemen #1: "Are you gonna..."
>Researcher: "I turn the harvester pack on, aiming at the mist."
>Rifleman #1: Holy shit."
>Me: "You suck the hag's mist into your harvester pack. Trapping the foul creature that's plagued you for so long."
>Rilfleman #2: "You just Luigi's Mansion'd the hag."
>Collective laughter
I've never had such a threatening enemy be humiliated so badly since. Researcher still has the nasty thing in his old harvester pack.
Any of you guys got the one where some dude joins some Harry Potter freeform thing to keep tabs on his underage sister and winds up getting some loledgy Voldemort wannabe taken out by a Russian helicopter pilot participating in a joint exercise with the Brits?
>>44427120
You mean this?
>>44427207
Yup, that's the one.
Lost my old collection a while ago and just couldn't seem to find it again. Thanks for helping me out there.
Anyone got a Freeform RPG story?
>>44427343
Sure.
Used to play in this Garry's Mod-based freeform community a couple years ago. It suffered from all the usual flaws you'd expect to find in a freeform community - bisexual (but totally lesbian) gestapo chicks with a fetish for blood, self-proclaimed experts who'd type out three paragraphs of bullshit to justify why their character can't merely survive a burst of 7.62 NATO, but brave the whole thing only to return fire with a shotgun that hits everybody in a wide corridor due to muh buckshot, super special snowflakes, the list goes on - but wasn't actually /wholly/ terrible. It had a fairly interesting setting (Half-Life 2 spiced up with some Ghost in the Shell stuff, basically) and a fair number of roleplayers who didn't fit any of the aforementioned archetypes and actually were fun to interact with, so I decided to stick around for a while.
I'm not gonna lie and say it was the worst mistake ever - I did make some very good friends in that place and had some of my all-time favorite RP in it. That said, it /was/ one of the most toxic communities I've ever seen; nearly everybody was participating in some high school-tier Game of Thrones bullshit the community had going on at an OOC level, and unless you strictly stuck to some small clique of trusted buddies you'd p. much inevitably find your RP suffering from it.
[ctd.]
>>44428261
go on, anon
>>44428261
One instance of this were the rules on killing other player characters. Like most freeform communities, removing another PC from the premises was pretty regulated affair - your character could kill another character, but if they did so without going through a lengthy process of obtaining approval from multiple admins before doing the deed, your victim would be afforded the benefit of the so-called New Life Rule. They'd get to respawn with no recollection, damage, or other consequences from the RP that led up to them getting killed and you'd essentially also be forced to forget about most of that RP - you'd be assumed to have killed some random mook instead. This frequently led to a lot of confusing nonsense and different characters having completely different memories of the same event they participated in, but worse than that, it also led to people abusing the fuck out of the NLR whenever their precious special snowflake was threatened with something they couldn't possibly powergame their way out of.
Once, the group of rebels my character was running with captured a high-ranking officer of the oppressive paramilitary police force they were fighting. The officer in question had a reputation for getting off on brutalizing people regardless of whether they'd actually done anything wrong or not; he also had a motherfucking katana which he used to dish out summary punishments. Naturally, we wanted him gone. No IS-style execution video or some-such since we weren't too keen on recreating the aftermath of the Heydrich assassination, just a plain old disappearance involving two rounds between the eyes and his corpse being fed to some of the alien wildlife that had long been plaguing the city's canalization system.
[ctd.]
>>44428261
>toxic
Anon pls
There are so many synonyms to that word you don't have to embarrass yourself by sounding like a SJW.
>GM does a pirate campaign at our request
>20 or so sessions go by without any major problems
>Get a tip that a cargo containing an important person is going to be at location X at time Y
>Find out it's from a Theocracy up north where they are fanatics about their religion revolving around the Law.
>Plan on ransoming that person
>Get the ship and the person
>Person says nothing whatsoever
>Attempt to ransom him
>Rep of the state tells us that if we kill him, they will declare war on us
>Kek at the prospect of declaring war on a single pirate ship and slit the ransom's throat
>Two months later, a huge invasion fleet of ships begins their cleansing of the pirate isle chain
>Kills two of the Major Pirate Lords off the bat
>Main force of Justicars (Paladins who care more about THE LAW then being good) start arresting anyone suspected of working with pirates in captured territory
>mfw we inadvertently started a cleansing invasion
>mfw They captured the pirate king and have put him on trial in public
>mfw we suddenly get 40k/Judge Dredd in our pirate campain
>>44420035
>rogue and wizard type infiltrate BBEG research facility
>forced to engage in open combat because DM seriously cockblocking special abilities in-setting
>almost dead, limp into R&D
>chock full of orphans and captive scientists
>wizard's player is insanely bleeding heart IRL
>"Let's free them all right now and end this wikket wikket place!"
>hesitate given that clearly they're doing some kind of freaky-deaky otherworldly experiments on these kids
>get into almost 20 minute ethical debate
>Unwilling to compromise on a single facet of their unconditional release
>no precaution
>no supervision
>"fine."
>let all the kids out
>blow the lab
>as we leave we see the children warp and disappear
>then emerge through nearby guard's chest cavities
>eating them from the inside
>the kids disappear
>we look at one of the kids (which the Wizard just HAD to fucking have as a pet)
>Suggest we do some pest control
>DM- "You feel a strange tingling in your chest cavity"
>move to blow the little fuck away right then and there
>sets wizard off on another crusade for homicidal kiddie's rights on the spot
>leave
>come back next week
>bring perpetual CE buddy with
>tables have turned and it's nothing but shits n giggles and slaves since
>we got the wizard killed last week
>>44427343
Be Yourself Saves Christmas. I posted this a while ago but nobody reacted to it.
The group just put some specialties, talents and items of ourselves on a sheet. We rolled a d10 and the difficulty scaled on the 10 when it was a talent or not. Anything could happen because we believed it could, because Christmas...
>>44428941
>>44429021
>pic related*
>>44428627
Of course, we couldn't actually kill him right away. Had we done that, he would've enjoyed the benefits of the NLR - he knew as much, and he was acting all smug and superior both IC and OOC despite having his character tied to a chair and surrounded by a bunch of heavily armed insurgents dedicated to the idea of making him bite the dust. We had no choice but to ask whatever admins we could find for auths before actually having our characters act the way they normally would.
While we were messaging our way through the admin roster, officerdude started typing out some messages of his own. His first attempt at getting himself out of his predicament was pretty unsubtle - he wrote something along the lines of "poor charname, looks like he's gonna take his final breath at the bottom of some shitty storm drain and not on the field of battle like he always wanted to" and posted it on the global OOC channel. Conveniently, a small team of mooks that was part of the same outfit in which he held a commission were currently conducting a routine patrol of the server. Normally they simply would've finished their sweep and left, but now they saw themselves an opportunity for an easy promotion - all they'd have to do is to "accidentally" stumble upon some evil hostage-taking terrorists and bail out their indubitably grateful superior. Stumble upon us they did, but it was an easy, unspectacular fight and we NLR'd them all without suffering any casualties of our own.
Unbeknownst to us, this was actually exactly what officerdude was hoping for. One of the admins we asked for the auths we needed to PK him turned out to be one of his OOC buddies and they were conspiring to bring about a large-scale deployment of bad guy cops to bail him out, but they couldn't do it without an actual reason... and by massacring six of their guys, we just gave them one.
[ctd.]
>>44429118
True to the way they're being described in the game the setting was based on, Civil Protection - the aforementioned bad guy cops - were slow to react but once they did, they'd roll out some truly terrifying amounts of firepower. Soon, our server's player count rose from maybe 20 to a full 50/50, and roughly half of those players were Civil Protection units or cyborg soldiers allied with them. They were preparing a full-scale combined arms rescue operation to bail out officerdude. We knew we were running out of time, and with the PK auth process being the bureaucratic clusterfuck that it was (you couldn't just ask an admin for permission, you had to provide a detailed summary of the RP that led up to the kill, the personal stakes of everybody involved and what sort of RP you were hoping to create by killing another player's valuable character etc etc), we still were unable to finish the whole thing and bail before half the fucking Combine would come crashing down upon our heads.
While one of my buddies and I continued to watch our captive, the other rebels started fortifying our little storm drain hideout. A couple other guys had joined us - mostly newbies fixing for the firefight that was bound to go down in the near future. We gave one of them a radio and sent him back out to serve as a spotter, the others were assigned to the barricades.
Things went reasonably well until one of the new arrivals figured out just who it was we were holding captive - officerdude happened to be the direct superior of the other character that rebelguy was playing, and since your rank pretty much determined the quality of roleplay you'd receive on a Civil Protection character, he, too, wanted to cash in on the gratitude that officerdude would indubitably extend to him if he were to help him get out of this alive.
[ctd.]
>>44427343
I've got one. Not particularly exciting, and I was kind of a dick, but here goes.
>Some years ago
>Joined a smallish freeform RPG
>Players are grouped into mercenary teams
>Lotsa mods, one to a team
> Mods coordinate with pertinent information
>Setting is near future in theory, but features genetic modification and cybernetics
>Conflict over some third world hellhole
>Play a quiet Bosnian guerrilla
>Team was hired by some faceless company to help guarantee corporate interests in the region
>Hated by almost every other team for being actual mercs
>Most popular teams are A.) genetically modded mutants who want to make their own country and B.) rebels who want to instate a happy slappy democracy with equal rights for everyone
>Various third parties airdrop supplies into the country
>Very important to get them when you can
>New drop comes
>Close by, we've lucked out
>As we reach it, we get word from one of the VERY few teams on speaking terms with us
>Mutants headed our way fast
>We owe them one
>Not enough time to secure all the supplies
>If we stay and fight, some other assholes will arrive to help kick our asses
>I get an idea
>An AWFUL idea
>A wonderful, AWFUL idea
>Bosnian has very personal experience with explosives
>Talk through my plan with our mod
>Mod talks to head mod, says okay
>Rig explosive trap on the drop
>Leave quick as we can
>Mutants barely catch sight of us leaving, take a few potshots, but pursue us no further
>Hear their jeers and insults as we flee
>Few minutes later, we hear the boom
>Get intel later-two mutant PCs badly wounded, several NPC mooks dead
>Bosnian nods quietly
>>44430160
>RP continues
>Bosnian makes a trap whenever he gets his hands on explosives
>People learn to be very wary of any area we've visited
>Rebels especially hate us
>They had made it a point to recover all their dead
>Anyone who fights for them deserves a proper burial, they said
>So we trapped some corpses
>Discussion boards fill with hate
>We get private messages telling us we're horrible
>We also get some asking for favors
>Seems some people appreciate our special brand of fuckery
>Through a mixture of side deals and exchanged intel, we keep just enough supplies to be annoying
>We learn that both mutants and rebels offer rewards for us
>Hm
>RP's winding down
>Permadeath starts being a thing
>Most teams have either broken or been reabsorbed into others
>Big conflict between rebels and mutants shaping up
>We get contact from mutants
>We're weak and dishonorable wretches
>Mutants are destined to overcome humanity
>If we help them, though, they might be nice to us
>Gosh, what an enticing offer
>Team leader (basically snipah volf) tells us she has a plan
>We agree to sell out our species
>We get some supplies
>Lots of bombs
>They basically want us to suicide against the rebel compound's front gate
>We blow open the defenses under heavy fire, mutants rush in and kill everyone
>We'd be delighted, we tell them
>Immediately call up the survivors of one of the “friendly” teams (now working for the rebels)
>Ask if they want a shitton of bombs and our services
>>44429469
It wouldn't have made any sense for rebelguy's character to turn on his allies and bail out officerdude, and even if he'd tried it anyways, he simply would've been gunned down by everybody else. After a brief exchange of messages between the two of them - we only found out about this bit much later when someone pulled the logs for us - the two of them realized they really wouldn't have to do anything of that sort, however: since no PK auths had been granted, rebelguy just had to kill officerdude's character, allowing him to NLR and thus get off scott-free.
At this point, our scout radio'd in and informed us that Civil Protection and their cyborg buddies were on the move and just about to start trading shots with us.
Fuck it. The guy with whom I was watching our hostage grabbed the dude's katana and before anyone could react, he posted this really detailed emote about how he was carving a goddamn sudoku into officerdude's forehead with his own katana; once he was done, he told his victim that if he ever saw him again, he'd start solving it. Just as he finished his follow-up line, rebelguy made his move - he "accidentally" shoved my buddy while rushing past him, which according to his emote would "likely" result in him slipping and the katana going in deep enough to cause a seriously bleeding wound. Officerdude confirms as much, announcing that he's going to go out a tragic hero bled out at the hands of some bloodthirsty criminals. Meanwhile, the guys defending our barricades were taken out one by one. We knew we had maybe a minute or two left.
I rush out some emotes alongside my buddy detailing how we're patching officerdude up again and even clean up his wounds so they don't get infected and kill him anyways. Both of us get lit up and NLR. Officerdude can no longer NLR since bleeding out after getting the treatments he got would've counted as a suicide and thus an auto-PK. He survives, but he's stuck with the bloody sudoku.
Terrorists win.
>>44430226
>We approach under cover of night
>Mutants begin attack and send us to sap
>Because sappers work so much better when the enemy knows you're attacking
>We charge towards our certain fiery doom
>And quickly get let inside by the guys we called
>Massive shitstorm in OOC chat
>Mutants fight hard, push into the compound
>But rebels now have more explosives, and the base has some hastily-set traps
>NPCs dying in droves, PCs getting murdered left and right
>Rebel leader gets wounded, small group of mutants chases after him hoping to kill him and win the fight
>His men are wheeling him down a hallway on a gurney
>I step around the corner
>One of them recognizes me, immediately draws his gun, but one is a “friend”, and tells him to stop
>I add that they should take the opposite hall-there's an APC waiting in that direction
>Rebel leader has enough strength to ask me why our team is helping
>Because mutants won't make deals with human corporations, I tell him
>He calls me a bastard
>I wish him safe travels
>They wheel him away
>>44424726
I liked this story, thank you.
>>44430346
>I wait in the hallway for a little while
>Mutant leader approaches
>Some anthro tiger-looking motherfucker with cybernetic arms and katanas
>Laughs when he sees my 5'7” Bosnian blocking the way
>Remarks he'd hoped he'd find me
>Was never going to let us live anyway
>But he didn't expect us to be so stupid as to betray him
>Such is the nature of weak humans
>Yadda yadda yadda
>I consider my options
>If I fight him, I die
>If I run, I die
>Plan C it is
>”What made you the man you are now?” I ask
>Can practically hear the glee in the guy's next post
>A chance to explain my character's backstory and motivations? EEEEEEEEE
>For god knows how long, he posts
>Fuckhuge paragraphs, covering every minute detail of his character's dark and frightful past, the absolute truth of his beliefs and how it all ties into his plan to create a new mutant paradise
>Literally hours pass IRL
>This fucking guy is still going strong about the weaknesses of humans
>It's like the fucking Who Is John Galt speech, but for misanthropic furries
>Maybe I should have picked A or B
>Sounds like he's finally reaching the climax of his speech
>He gets shot in the back of the head by Team Leader
>MASSIVE rage in OOC chat
>Says there was no way she'd catch up to us
>Turns out, the battle already ended
>A while ago, actually
>Rebels won
>I'd gone off alone near the beginning, and Team Leader decided to try and find me afterwards
>Head mod says it's okay, mutants lost, RP's over anyway
>Team Leader asks me if I'm alright
>Tell her yes, the mutant was just sharing his life's story
>”Oh? Anything interesting?”
>”I wasn't paying attention.”
>>44428261
>>44430235
Oh, also, just to drive home the point about how batshit that community could be at times - pic related is the community owner's character as well as himself cosplaying as her (both pics are from his public blog). His character's primary occupation was kidnapping female characters and injecting them with some weird chemical that made their tits grow. A couple years later, I found a video of him in real life - still wearing his cosplay get-up - masturbating in front of a camera and eating his own, uh, produce. Yup. That kind of place.
>>44430403
>I wasn't paying attention.
heh
>>44430403
>Furry edgy dickhead loses historic battle because he was too busy making a speech.
Oh my god this is perfect.
Allright, you asked for it. This one's from Pathfinder:
>Short shipwreck-quest full of mysterious shit
>Party consists of 2 first timers and an old fag
>First timers keep it simple, a half-elf druid & a ranger gnome
>Oldfag decides to make a demented human alchemist who's big idea was to spam fire bombs and babble shit about when he was a soldier in "the red army"
>Quest basically begins when the alchemist (who's name was "Kaput") accidentally blows up the ship
>Proceed to the island & start exploring
>Suddenly FISH-PEOPLE
>Proceed to fucking kill them
>While searching for clues of their origin in a random cave, PC's stumble across a room with a pool of lava
>"This indicates that the island is relatively new, and probably can't be found in the older maps, and..."
>The first-timer druid comes up with an idea
>"Hey, Kaput, can you make this shit blow up?"
>"Hell fucking yes"
>"Hey GM, can we make this volcano erupt?"
>GM facepalms and answers
>"Only if you manage to find a shitload of explosives"
>"HEY HE SAID EARLIER THAT THE SHIP MADE IT TO THE SHORE AND IT HAD CANNONS"
>"Oh fuck" -GM
>Proceed to Kaput making the fantasy equivalent of Fat Boy
>After defeating 2 fish-monsters the party lit the fuse in that same room
>Fish-people blew up
>Half of the fucking island blew up
>A new half of the island was erupted
>Next night
>Party asleep except the gnome PC on guard duty
>Failed willsave and he disappeared to the night
>Kaput woke up & the same thing happened
>Female druid was unaffected?
>Fucking sirens.
>Fem-druid goes after them and blocks their ears, making them free of the curse.
>Apparently there are more survivors on the island being held captive by the sirens, and being transformed to fish-people by them.
>"Did we just... Like, kill a shitload of..?"
>Kaput: "eбaть eгo let's kill them"
>Beat the sirens and follow the rest of them to a part of the island that wasn't blown up
>Underneath it lies goddamn atlantis
>Or what's left of it after the explosion
>>44433578
>Chase the sirens a bit more to a room full of prisoners that had been experimented on
>The gnome manages to find a hidden lever
>Enter a room with a captured demigod sea-serpent
>Free the serpent that teleports to a different plane, and notice that the room is full of alchemy ingredients
>"Hey, me want to make a big bomb, very good material here yes?"
>"Ok, roll to see what you can come up with"
>Kaput rolls 20, and makes a bomb he named "The shot of the great red emperor"
>After that, find a room with "the final boss" written all over it
>Party proceeds to kill most of the sirens & fish people before a huge tentacle monster shows up and intimidates pretty much everyone
>Except Kaput with his roll of 18
>the guy playing Kaput just takes his phone and puts this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U06jlgpMtQs on
>While the others were frozen by fear, Kaput faced the horror from the deep and yelled:
>"FOR THE GLORY OF THE RED ARMY!"
>Kaput throws the shot of the great red emperor
>Rolls 19, it hits
>GM didn't think about any stats for the "meant to be a joke" bomb, so he just states that "roll the d20 or something let's get this over with"
>20
>The song still playing, the monster takes the bomb straight to the face and explodes in a tentacle fest that would be too much for even most japanese people
>Monster is kill
>Kaput is victorious
Needless to say that the first timers pretty much begged to play again in the future.
>>44421933
Shit story anon.
>>44421933
so you had an entire party of lolsorandum CE pre-teens? Sounds awful.
>>44424726
That was a good ass story anon
>>44430403
>”I wasn't paying attention.”
This is gold
