stolen from r/ForeverAlone:
Sorry this rant went on way longer then I intended. But maybe getting this off my chest will help.
For a long time I believed I could control my life. If I really applied myself I could get out of being FA. I wasnt one of those FA guys who said why bother trying I know things will turn out bad.
I first realized I needed drastic change when I was 25 and never had a date or a relationship. Before I thought maybe it was bad luck but at 25 something was clearly wrong.
So I put my all into being the man I wanted to be. I told my self over and over again if I became the man I wanted to be the life I wanted would follow.
First I got into shape. I lost the weight I had kept since college. I started lifting. I lifted for around 10 years. I would hit the gym 5 times a week. I ran full marathons. I had a good job with a fancy sounding title. I went out of my way to meet people. I joined yoga classes, college classes, adult sports leagues, running meetup groups, spi n classes, crosffit etc.. I broadened my hobbies to include Snow boarding, tennis, basketball, bowling, learned the guitar, etc.
I looked at myself and I liked myself. I was proud of what I accomplished. I was not the person I absolutely wanted to be but I had made huge progress and I felt like I was well on my way. I was taking control of who I was and not sitting around playing video games waiting for someone to appear and love me like some protagonist in a haremt anime.
I knew I was a short guy (5'3") and asian and that might hurt my chances at dating but I really didnt mind. I didnt mind if I would have to put in more effort to get less.
I never felt myself to be particularly smart or talented at anything in my life. I didnt mind working twice as hard to get half as much. That was fine, I wasn;t interested in ONS or juggling women. I didnt need to go out on a date every other day. If I got a date once a month, I would be happy. At heart I am an introvert.
I never thought it would be easy but I was willing to put in the time and discipline. I was willing to push myself out of my comfort zone. Thats what everyone says right? Get swole approach women try online dating be confident blah blah blah. Anyone who fails in love, they must be fat or never go out. They must have no friends right? They must do nothing and never bathe. Only complete losers cant get a date. Thats what they say about us FA types right?
That we are unable to date because we arent willing to take responsibility of our lives and our failures. That we havnt put int the same time and effort as all the normal people who date.
And yet I dont know of many people who have tried as hard as I have and still failed. At every turn I experienced failure at every turn. Every rejection I threw myself a pity party. I asked myself why this girl I talked barely looked at me or why this girl my friend tried to hook me up with barley spoke to me. Yet through every rejection I persevered. I was still at the gym every night alone. I was still going out making friends and talking to people. I was still reading on how to be better with women. How to read them and talk to them.
Through it all I kept telling myself just to keep pushing myself. I always told myself I was away from finding happiness. Just take another leap of faith and step out of my comfort zone one more time. Over and over again after each failure I would inevitably try again. I would tell myself whatever it took to move forward. This time, I would say to myself it will be different. This time I am better then I was before. This time I deserve to find love. All I have to do is talk to this girl, try this new meetup group, send out a few messages on online dating, or try a few nights of speed dating and I will get a date.
I wasnt expecting to find sex or love. I just needed progress. One women who I wanted to spend time with who wanted spend time with me to in the hopes of something more. Thats it. I just needed to know I was in control. That if I worked hard enough I could have the life I wanted.
I was feeling down one time so I counted how many friends I made in the last 10 years. I counted around 100. I see maybe 60 of those people every month. One friend even told me I was the guy to know. Another popular remarked on how popular I was. One time I ran into the guy who ran a running group. He asked me why I hadnt been there and that they missed me and I should come back.
I keep asking myself how can I have done all this and still fail with women. Why they still ignore me for friends. Why they avoid eye contact with me. Why no matter how many messages I send out online, why I couldnt get one date. Why when I approach its obvious they dont want to talk to me and they want me to go away. How I can succeed with so many people but fail so miserably with women.
Im 36 and still never got a girl to go on a date. Hell I barely meet single women who will talk to me despite having so many friends. I have like 8 female friends I could call up right now to get a drink, but not a single date in my entire life.
I did everything they said. Im not perfect but why cant I get a single date online after messaging 200 women. Why cant I get a single girl to go on a date with me but everywhere I have people to talk to and people who want to be around me.
And yet when I write this people will say I am insecure, or negative, or entitled. Yet at the same time I ask myself should it be this hard. How much more do I have to try. How much more do I have to change just for the chance at love with someone I have never even met. Why does it seem I have tried so hard yet have so little luck in love compared to everyone else.
What is so wrong with me? Why is my experience so different? Am I so much less attractive then everyone else even with all I have done and accomplished.
At one point I felt the bitterness take me over. I was 32 and I decided I would only surround myself with people who made me feel good about myself. I would only spend my time doing things I enjoyed. I realized that in my 20s I was working and pushing myself so I could have the life I wanted in my thirties, but in the end what I had really done is revealed just how hopeless in love I was. At my best, I was still so far behind every other guy, that lonliness could not be avoided. I mean what are the chances of a wife and kid when I can't even get a date?
I decided that becoming the man would not bring me the happiness I wanted. So instead of self improvement, I just focuesd on being happy.
I still approach women. I still meet them. But I treat them like everyone else; just looking for another friend. Another person to make me feel a little less lonely as I wake up and go to sleep alone every night. As usual the single ones who I find attractive are never interested. Not in friendship much less anything else. Ill see the same women who dont talk to me throw themselves at my better looking friends. The same friends who tell me they dont need online dating because women are everywhere. If women treated me like that, I would probably say the same thing.
I miss when I was fat stayed home and played video games after college. I could tell ,myself if I really wanted to I could get a girl. I could read my fantasy books and tell myself deep down I was a good person who deserved love. That the reason I was alone was because I wasnt willing to do the work, not that I was destined no matter how much work I put in, to be alone. Not that I was so flawed that no matter how much effort I put in, it would never be enough. I wish I was one of those guys, unwilling to put his ego aside. Who would rather assume failure rather than try.
Maybe then I would still have faith that if I tried hard enough I could be happy. But why should I think I can get love and happiness when the truth is, I cant even get a date.
sauce: https://www.reddit.com/r/ForeverAlone/comments/4df4iq/i_dont_understand_why_my_life_is_so_different/
> and into the bin it goes
>>27711806
Hope you didn't think I'd read all that OP
>(5'3") and asian
nightmare mode, this guy didn't stand a chance, RIP
respect for trying though
Tried googling this to find its original source, found this instead.
https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/3eisx1/im_really_tired_of_not_being_able_to_say_no_to/
>>27713520
damn what an entitled roastie...
>I used easily misunderstandable signals and he misunderstood them! eww what a creep! why can't he just read my mind and be a good slave without wanting anything in return???
>>27712602
This. At 5'3 your only options are literal midgets.
>5'3 asian
>improvement
Pick one, faggot.
>>27713673
It's called sexual selection anon. People with good mind [or social] readings have enhanced capacity for sexual intercourse. It's like the peacocks tail. Impressive, frightening with those hundred eyes, but unwieldy and high energy costs
If you can't read people, if you can't make them read you back in a game, you'll be stuck with the people as basic as you
>>27711806
>I stole this from r/
That's as far as I got.
>>27714047
such edgy, wow
>>27713987
yeah, poor guy took the black pill the hard way, up his ass...
>>27711806
Conspicuously absent is any indication of his standards. He just says he's working toward what he wants, but what if he's set his sights too high? I mean you'd think he'd have adjusted them by now, yet maybe not.
